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Please Read and Review

Also anyone still dealing with the fact that Blue Bloods is over? Like Final Episode Over? Like Perfect Final Episode Over?

And anyone still not dealing with Vinny's death even though it was Season 3 and Blue Bloods went for nearly eleven series without him?

Something Bad Happened

Chapter 9-The Silent Partner

Vinny and Jamie are reunited at last.

For a moment he was so stunned he was sure he was going to collapse. Which was totally and highly irregular and improbable because he was here. Standing here in his father's office in some kind of void between heaven and hell, life and death and having conversations with all kinds of dead people. Joe had been fine, his Mom…what he could remember of her gentle touch had been fine so what should Vinny Cruz being here matter?

Only Vinny was here and he was smiling and his face and neck were whole, there was no gaping tennis ball out of his throat where the blood had spilled all over Jamie's fingers, there was no gaping or horrible breathes that had kept him up at night for months after the shooting and there was no dull acceptance, no gasped out comment that his partner had known at the end that he was going to die.

This is the end. The bitter end.

Bitterman.

Even now he hated to go into that estate. Felt the spit form behind his teeth. He wanted to spit and scream and shout and throw things and leave the people there to their own devices because at the end of the day for all his father had said they'd come out to help they had done the bare necessity. And Jamie…Jamie was not hard faced enough to not know that they had tried. Gangs were like black mould in New York you took one out and the reality was another one would pop up and take it's place but the truth was that he hated the entire place. Couldn't look at the spot where Vinny had been killed…couldn't walk that courtyard.

Eddie knew because she was his wife…she had known because he had told her when he had refused to get out of the car one day. When he had heard the glass shattering on the ground and had reached for his gun. She had not said anything other than she was sorry. Ian was the one who got it the most, Eddie's partner who had lost his own partner and who told Jamie once that he had flashbacks and didn't know what to do about them.

Vinny though had not had a kid. Jamie didn't know what the hell he would have done if Vinny had, had a kid. Probably gone on a leave of absence for months as he had tried to deal…yeah…that sounded about right.

"Wow Regan…wasn't expecting speechlessness. Can a man not grab a hug—"

Jamie had already crossed the room before he had even thought about it. Vinny smiled and laughed and tugged him closer. He still smelt the same Jamie realised through burning eyes. Vinny had always been the one to douse himself on good aftershave even when Jamie had teased him about the fact that they did not need to wear Dior when they were on the job. Vinny had laughed and had said when he met the woman of his dreams he wanted to look and smell his best.

He had smelt it once in a store three days after the funeral and had nearly had a panic attack in the store when he had realised all he wanted to do was throw the damn bottle in the face of the clerk that offered it to him.

He pulled back and Vinny chuckled.

"Ah Regan don't start with the tears, you'll set me off and I have a date tonight"

Jamie really didn't know what to say to that.

Vinny dragged him back to the couch and poured them a drink. Jamie had to admit he was pleasantly surprised that with all the booze he had drank he wasn't feeling it, he didn't know if it was because this was inside his head or if it was just because he was dead already but he was rather pleased to know that heaven didn't have hangovers or drinking problems. Sold the whole thing well.

"Vinny" he said as he wiped his eyes. "God I have missed you"

"I know" Vinny said softly. "Oh Jamie I have missed you too." He caught Jamie's eye and smiled. "Best damn partner I ever had you know"

Jamie didn't know what to make of that. He looked away least he start blubbering.

"I didn't…I led you into an ambush" he said finally.

Vinny made a scoffing noise.

"Jamie those gang bangers lead us into an ambush" he said quietly "Don't go blaming yourself for that one. I mean it. It could have been you who got that bullet just as easily as me"

"I wish—"

"Regan if you end that sentence with a wish that it was you who had gotten that bullet I will hit you. You don't…you don't wish that for yourself. Ever. Because my family…it's hard yeah but they survive. Yours if you'd have been killed three years after your brother and five after your Mom…Christ Jamie that would have been the end. Danny…your Dad…everyone. You know that, I was…I mean I stuck around afterwards just to check while I still could. And don't ask me how because It's too confusing to try and explain but I saw them when they arrived. I saw the look on your Dad's face. Hell I saw the look on Danny's. Didn't think I would ever be able to bare looking at my Mom and seeing that expression.

Jamie didn't know what to say to that, he had been so out of it, a combination of shock, the drugs that they had given him to deal with the pain and the adrenaline that had been coursing through him, he had been there on the bed and he knew from the look on Danny's face not looking his finest. Danny had been stood against the wall as he had come in and then had nearly collapsed. His Pa had not been able to touch him other than a hand on his shoulder.

The real kicker had come when the adrenaline and the drugs had worn off. Danny had been staying with him even though Jamie had said through numb lips that he would be fine over and over until he was sure even in his own head that he believed it. He didn't think that his father had believed it or his brother and so Danny had stayed with him telling him sharply that he didn't care if Jamie thought he was alright Danny most certainly was not.

That night at around three in the morning it had hit him, he had woken up and vomited all over the floor and Danny on the couch had held him as he had screamed and screamed and screamed, put him in the shower, cleaned him, cleaned his apartment, changed his bed and tucked him up all safe and sound and then held him as it had hit him over and over again that his partner was dead, that Vinny was dead, this his best friend was dead and that tomorrow morning he would be just as dead as he was right now. That had been a hard pill to swallow. When Joe had died it had been Jamie in some way doing his bit to keep the family afloat. Now it was the other way around.

He had not gone to church other than for the funeral for a while. Hadn't gone to Sunday Dinner or planned to either but Danny had shown up and said either Jamie went or Danny stayed and to be honest he had gone with the best option available to him.

Vinny had been a terrible, terrible aching loss that he had never gotten over.

And now he was back he never wanted to leave him,

"I miss you" he said carefully.

"I miss you too buddy. But I mean you mega traded up"

Jamie snorted around his glass.

"Vinny!"

"Hey I can admit it" Vinny said easily. "My God Reagan! Had I known she was the next partner in rotation I'd have killed you myself. What the hell is a woman that hot doing with you?"

Jamie laughed. Vinny could always make him laugh he thought, Vinny had always been able to make him laugh.

God he missed him.

"I missed you" he said finally wiping his eyes.

"Yeah well…when she has a little baby boy with those heartbreaker eyes just remember. Vincent is one of those names that never goes out of style"

Jamie shot his partner an amused look for a second before the reality of what he was saying crashed down on him again.

And then he couldn't stop the truth from coming out of his mouth.

"Who says I want to go back?"

He asked the genuine question because it was the truth.

"Jamie—"

"It's not that I wont miss anyone because I will…I will miss Eddie…"Christ that was an understatement he thought. "I will miss Dad and Danny and Erin and Pops and Joe and Sean and Nikki and Jack and this life that we could have had but I…I am gaining so much that I already lost back, you…Mom…Joe…I…I never got a chance to say goodbye to any of you and now I get the chance to stay with you and you want me to leave? I don't know how to do that and…"

And he trailed off because there was another reason but it was so embarrassing and painful he didn't dare think about saying it out loud. To voice the fear was to give credence to the fear and he wasn't sure if he wanted to do that, actually he was damn sure he didn't want to do that.

But not for nothing was Vinny his partner and so Vinny was able to cut through the bullshit that was his thoughts going on a walk with a well timed barbed comment.

"Say it Reagan"

"I don't want to go back into a world of pain" he said childishly. "I mean…it's going to hurt no?"

He phrased it as a question but they both knew the answer. It was going to hurt and it was going to hurt horrendously. He had been shot twice and the bullet had nicked everything that it had needed too.

"Yes" Vinny said quietly. "But the good things do Regan. And you have a choice. None of us did. You have a choice to go back, I need…you're not ready to be with me yet. I need to give you back to your other partner for a while. She needs you more than I do right now"

There was a moment when Jamie took that in and then he took one breath and then another.

"But that means…I mean it means that I don't…that I might…never…"

"Jamie I'm dead not on an Alaskan Cruise" Vinny said rolling his eyes. "I am not going anywhere, neither is anyone else here. But you are, if I have to drag you through that door and to that lift you are going through it"

"Going down or going up"

Vinny laughed and then Jamie was laughing and then they where hugging. Jamie tried to put a lot into that hug that he had never gotten the chance to say to his partner. To his best friend.

It didn't matter that he couldn't say it.

When they broke apart he knew Vinny had understood.

Vinny didn't go with him. It was Jamie who eventually got up and walked to the door. There was a burning terrible sense that it was now or never growing in his chest. That there was very little that he could do to stop it.

He got to the lift and then…

"Jamie?"

He turned and it was Linda. She beamed at him and then kissed him on the cheek.

"Do me a favour?" she asked before Jamie could say anything. "Tell Danny that it's okay…I always liked Maria"

And with that the lift opened and she pushed him into it and the doors closed before he could say anything.

And that was the last thing that he…hand to God…remembered.

And there you go.

Next Chapter-With the guy who shot his brother behind bars there is nothing for Danny to do but sit there and contemplate what his life looks like if he loses Jamie. Maria tries to help him through it. Frank meanwhile is not coping.