step by step
An NCIS fic collection
by mew-tsubaki
- ^-^3
imagine: miscellany 14—The Wall (this post on the sideblog: 702760999157202944/ parknight-imagines-miscellany-14-the-wall)
tags: post-s20e8
- ^-^3
They have a short reprieve of holidays, between holidays, though there's a slight uptick in criminal nonsense after Thanksgiving (really, Black Friday), and so it's a week and a half before the MCRT has a lull.
But, once they have it, Knight's mind wanders, and her feet drag her from the cozy safety of the bullpen to the back corridors. Her thoughts catch up right as she draws up on the particular display with a lone flag, too-bright lights, and too many names. It's there that she reflects.
Coming back downstairs from a meeting with Vance, Parker glances absentmindedly over his team's desks. But his steps slow and his eyes zero in on the empty chair to the right of his area. With a grimace, he reaches the bottom step—and pauses. Then he wends his way to the back hallways, to that particular display, a respectful memorial with too many names his doesn't recognize. It's there that he finds her reflecting.
Parker doesn't muffle his footfall, so Knight knows when she's no longer alone. No, more than that—she recognizes his footfall. That's why she speaks up without turning his way, "…I can't quite get my mind off this place." She turns only when he stands beside her and searches his profile.
His grimace is too tired to hold, though; it mellows into a frown. "No…no, me neither," Parker admits. He meets her eyes. That tiredness ages him, they both know, and the harsh lights on the wall don't help the depth of his lines. But it's not just tiredness. It's worry. It's fear.
Knight yanks her gaze away. But her stare lands on another uncomfortable sight: the May 15th, 2012, plaque. She tries not to think of Dearing's attack and how REACT acted in a supporting role to the grief counselors in that aftermath… But it doesn't get any better, reading the names, old and new, of NCIS Special Agents fallen in the line of duty.
And, while Knight rereads, so does Parker. He's only familiar with Otis Khatri, and the FBI and other agencies all have their walls, sure. But. But it's a little different this time. He's lost colleagues, friends, agency family before, but—
Knight shuffles a smidge to her left, until their arms bump, until she feels Parker's familiar, comforting warmth. She tries to smile, but her mind's going over all their close calls last year through now, all the hostage situations as well as every last explosion.
"I don't want your name up here," they blurt in unison. Not one after the other. Not tripping over each other's words. But together.
Parker returns her weak smile but brings an arm up to wrap around her shoulders. "I always thought the CIA had it bad. You fall, you get a star and a ceremony, with a few people who are sworn to secrecy to remember you and what you did." His eyes rove over the NCIS agents' names. "But being known publicly doesn't make it much better."
Knight nods before resting her head against his shoulder. "Being handed a star or a flag… Military or civilian…" She pauses. "It pales in comparison to not making the wall in the first place."
Parker agrees, and she knows he agrees, but words fail him in that moment. So, instead, he tightens his grip on her, a nonverbal promise that he won't let her go, that he won't let "Special Agent Jessica Knight" make one of the plaques before them.
And, when he presses a kiss to her crown and gives in to her demand for a proper one on the lips, Knight considers that their promise that "Special Agent Alden Parker" won't appear there either.
- ^-^3
Tbqh, the wall scene in s20e6 stood out the most to me in that episode. So, given all that's transpired with the team and then e8 happens, I found myself circling back there, mostly with the comparison to the private/secret CIA ceremonies and my HC that Knight's been at NCIS long enough that she was around for the Dearing days, oof. (That's also a little cookie for fans of older seasons!)
-mew! :')