"I know where they are!" Damon spat out, giving a bitter laugh.
Lily snapped her head to him, her eyes blazing in fury. "Where?"
"They're dead!" Jeremy yelled, his eyes brimmed with tears. "If Kai left them behind, they're gone! Don't you get it? He was the coven leader and he died at the wedding! That stupid prison world is gone!"
"Jeremy, stop!" Bonnie hissed through gritted teeth, barely awake and shaking. She couldn't fully concentrate and what he was saying was going over her head, but she knew he had to stop talking. "Don't listen to him! He doesn't know what he is talking about."
"He hasn't even been here in months!" Caroline stated, finally finding it in her to speak up, hoping at least that Enzo would remember she was there and change whatever was going on. There was a time he'd tried to help her.
"You're wasting your time, Lily!" Stefan gritted out. "You're not going to get anywhere by beating a dead end!"
"He's a dumb kid!" Damon agreed, chiming in to belittle whatever bout of hunter heroics had kicked into Jeremy's stupid head. All he needed was for the kid to get himself killed.
Lily's eyes bulging slightly like those of a spooked horse, she looked from one face to another slowly, and Enzo saw her madness coming up in her like something very big and ominous rising from the depth to the ocean surface to swallow the ship whole.
"Kai told me something about it when we tried to get to Bonnie," Jeremy went on, frantic. "He died and it's over. That prison world is gone with everyone in it."
Lily looked at him, and then dragged her eyes to Damon's face; she began to tremble.
"Bollocks," Enzo muttered, beginning to look scared.
"It's not true!" Bonnie said, her wavering gaze shifting to Jeremy. She was nearly able to see Lily. "He is just trying to help me. Don't listen to him."
"You said you know where they are," Lily said to Damon. She ignored everyone else, shaking as she stared at her eldest son, wavering on the verge of a breakdown.
"I do," Damon said, his voice confident and determined. "Just calm down and we'll deal with it, I'll take you to them."
"Just tell me where they are!" she screamed in his face, her hands clawing at his neck. "NOW!"
With the pressure on his throat he couldn't speak, so he didn't try. Lily needed to calm down. He only wished Enzo would help instead of fuelling his mother's madness. Jeremy thankfully had shut up. Stefan and Caroline were no closer to freeing themselves. Bonnie he could sense and knew was focused on nothing else but her pain. He was just grateful they'd stopped torturing her for the time being. Any distraction was a good distraction.
Lily was in no mood to wait any longer. She slapped Damon again, really hard, then within one instant, she stood by Caroline and plunged a hand for the blonde's heart.
"Speak!" she screamed at Damon, like a wounded animal. "Where are they?"
Enzo jumped on his feet, "Damon, just bloody say it! Don't let your friends die for your stubborn stupidity."
"The basement!" Damon yelled back. The positive was that they wouldn't be able to get down there. That they wouldn't be able to check. "The siphon sucker has been keeping them locked up and desiccated in our basement."
"You're lying, you son of a bitch!" Jeremy yelled, tears running down his cheeks in fear for Caroline and Bonnie. "You just won't rest till everyone around you is dead! My sister's lucky she can't see this! You're the real monster here, all this is on you! You set us all up for your own stupid game!"
Enzo pried Lily from Caroline, but it did little to pacify her. She was weeping in his arms, twisting, straining against him, her eyes, red and desperate, darted between Damon and Jeremy, but the venom they spilled towards her eldest son spoke clearly of whom she believed.
"I'll destroy everything you love," she promised Damon vehemently, and pushed Enzo's arms off her. Her eyes narrowed, locked with Damon's, her mouth twisted in a grotesque snarl of hate. "I'll make sure every vampire on my path knows about the cure in Elena. They'll rip her apart in front of you."
"You wouldn't dare," Damon said, his voice cold and threatening despite the fact that presently there was nothing he could do. "Unless you'd like to lose the last of your real family. Your blood."
"You already took away my real family," she snarled. "You'll lose your own for it! You'll lose everyone! You'll lose your Elena! You will lose your brother! You will lose every single person your wretched heart still cares for!"
"We are your real family!" Damon argued. Stefan knew he didn't mean it. How could he? He'd loathed her too much for abandoning them to their father. Stefan was just thankful that Caroline was okay, but worried who'd get caught in the crossfire of Damon's game. Jeremy wasn't helping either. Bonnie seemed to have fallen silent, sniffling, glad the attention was no longer on her.
"You destroyed it!" she screamed in desperate fury. "You refused me that which I confessed to you was the most important, the most vital part of my life! Of me! I begged! I reasoned, but it all fell on your deaf ears! You're always deaf to everyone but your own voice! Your own desires! Nothing and no one matters to you but what you yearn for! You've always been like that! Always snatched your brother's toys and laughed watching him cry! You don't deserve anyone dear, Damon! You ruin everything! Even for yourself!"
She staggered, making Enzo take a worried step to her in case she felt ill. Her hands came up to press fingers to her temples as though she had a splitting headache, her teeth gnashed, a groan of torment spilling through.
"Lily, love, take it easy," Enzo murmured, gently trying to hold her against himself to lead her away before something catastrophic happened. He knew it would, any moment now. "Come on, you need a mo—"
His head whipped to the side with a soft crack, and he went down like a dropped bag.
Next second she dashed behind Jeremy and tucked in his neck like a vicious beast.
Damon reacted at once straining against the poker, nearly passing out from the effort. Caroline and Bonnie were screaming for Lily to stop. Stefan too was trying to break free, throwing himself into the floor in his efforts, wiggling until he'd sent some tools flying. He too was pleading for his mother to stop.
Lily suddenly dropped Jeremy, who slumped at her feet like a wet ragdoll, and within the next second she stood behind Bonnie and yanked her handcuffs' chain open, breaking Bonnie's wrists by the force of the jerk.
Bonnie wailed in new bout of torturous pain piercing through her hands and arms. Lily hovered over her, livid with rabid frenzy, her eyes bloodshot, her face laced with black veins saturated under her pallid skin.
"It's your fault," she muttered, nearly growled. "You stole the device Damon gave to me and destroyed it. Destroyed my life. Destroyed my heart with it!"
Bonnie had nothing to say in return. She couldn't speak. Couldn't think beyond anything other than the pain that was zinging through her wrists and into her shoulders. No part of her body didn't hurt. Caroline's struggles intensified, fear in her eyes as she listened to Lily spew her insanity.
"Please stop hurting her! It's not her fault! It's not!"
Stefan was on his stomach, writhing around, knocking around things even more. Damon looked as though he was ready to murder his own mother.
"You shall be the first one my son loses," Lily said, trembling with ire as she stared down at Bonnie. "And then Elena, his sweet young lady Elena, awakens, and she shall meet her demise next."
Bonnie didn't even hear her. She couldn't. There was too much agony. All she wanted was it to end. She was almost begging the woman as she glanced up at her to finish what she started.
Lily made to grab Bonnie by the neck, but froze mid-bending, her eyes widening, a wheeze slipping from her throat. She jerked as though being yanked by invisible tethers, and slowly floated off the floor, her shoes losing their connection to the ground. An inch, two, three, five...
She looked confused, scared and utterly helpless like a kitten lifted up by the scruff in its mother's teeth. Her stiff frame floated away from Bonnie, wheezing, as everybody gaped.
Suddenly, Bonnie became aware of how all the horrid pains radiating throughout her body dulled down, allowing her to breathe and come to her senses. Her heart was thrashing, her limbs swollen and broken, but the pain had blunt, soft teeth.
Another abrupt wheeze erupted from Lily's mouth in a cough and a spray of blood. More blood oozed from her mouth, nose, eyes and ears, droplets and rivulets detaching from her body to float in front of her, colleting together into a gradually growing bloody sphere that looked like a 3D model of a bizarre planet covered with an ocean of crimson.
"Now, Bonster, this meeting is so not the way you described it to me," Kai said, strolling inside from the door. "But it looks exactly the way I described it would go. The irony, right?"
Relief flooded her as Kai appeared, ripping her from the hell she'd been for a few seconds. She wanted to say something witty, but all she could manage was a grateful smile. Even Caroline looked relieved to see him. Stefan, too. Damon was the only one that appeared to wish that his mother had finished the job on him. Although he was grateful he'd stepped in to help Bonnie. Even Jeremy.
He stopped in the middle of the barn, sweeping his gaze over the vampire's faces, and setting it on Lily.
"Look, even though I do feel for you," he said as she gaped at him with bulging eyes, "I really do, but threatening my witch — that's some really bad manners. But runs in the family, it seems."
"Y-you... lied," she gasped.
"No," he argued. "You just have no patience. Magic requires patience. It's not your snatch-snack-erase kiddie games. Patience is virtue, by the way. Reflect on it sometime."
He gave her a polite smile and watched her blood flowing out of her body as though trying to escape the foul vessel. The liquid sphere in front of her grew and swelled until her skin darkened to a deadly shade of grey and her eyes glossed over, her body slumped in the invisible grip. Suddenly she fell down in a heap, landing next to Jeremy. The sphere of her blood immediately splashed against the floor as well, spraying all over both of their bodies.
Kai was kneeling before Bonnie. He met her eyes, thumbs stroking the tears from her cheeks. "Sorry I'm late for the party," he whispered.
Bonnie leaned into his touch, closing her eyes, savoring the gentleness after so much ugliness. She wanted out of the shed and she wanted it now. Caroline hadn't missed the gesture. Nor had Damon. He'd been studying what remained of his husk mother before fixing his attention on Kai.
"You plan on setting us free or what, Romeo?" Damon gritted out.
"Only if your name's Bonnie Bennett," Kai said, and stabbed a mocking look his way. "You don't look even remotely resembling it to me."
He held an open palm out, and Damon's phone jumped into it. Kai skimmed through the contacts, then turned the screen to Bonnie. It showed LUCY and the number beneath.
"I can pout my lips, too," Damon retorted, wondering what Kai was showing her on his phone, struggling somewhat to free himself of the poker. It still hurt like crazy.
Bonnie saw the name he was showing her, recognizing it belonged to her cousin. She'd speculated the means, but now she knew for sure. That hurt. What had he told her to get her to help him?
She cast a glance at Damon, narrowing her eyes, and then fixed her attention on Kai. "Let's get out of here."
"Bonnie," Caroline said, sounding terrified she'd lose her again. "Where… Lily's down… if we keep her—" Caroline wasn't wrong but Bonnie didn't have the brain power to think of what to do next. All she knew was that she wanted to breathe. That she needed space.
"Can you help me?" Bonnie asked, ignoring Caroline for a moment, using Kai as an anchor. "My—I want to free my friends. I need to check on Jeremy. Enzo—"
There was too much to do.
Kai highlighted Lucy's name in Damon's cell and pressed Delete. He tossed the phone aside and gently snuck his arms around Bonnie, lifting her up as he straightened.
"They'll take care of everything," he told her. "Just relax."
He strolled past the bound vampires, then cast a quick glance over his shoulder at Caroline from the doorway. The ropes around her fell off her body, torn to pieces.
She gasped, raising her hands to her chest as though unbelieving.
The barn doorway was empty.
Kai and Bonnie were gone.
Caroline stumbled to Jeremy. He was covered in blood from head to toe. They all were. Only he wasn't breathing. Tears blurred her vision and sadness assailed her.
"No," Caroline gasped, her heart in her throat as she dove into CPR. Her mouth fell to his, pushing air into his lungs, her hands at his chest pumping furiously.
Damon had paled (not only due to blood loss), his eyes large and round, envisioning the sheer grief that would be written on Elena's pretty face should he find a way to bring her back and tell her that her brother was dead. She'd never forgive him. Not a third time…
Although maybe he could blame this on Lily and Enzo.
Stefan had rolled onto his side, staring at Caroline as she continued to try and bring Jeremy back, resorting to the only thing that he could: prayer.
What felt like a lifetime ticked by before Jeremy coughed, gasping for breath, Caroline's mouth and hands suddenly replaced by her broken and bloodied wrist.
"Drink," Caroline coaxed, smiling through her tears in hopes of calming him down, his eyes confused and briefly filled with distaste. When she was sure he'd had enough to start healing, she drew her hand back, watching both their wounds slowly stitch closed. She needed blood badly. As if to assure her there was plenty, she inhaled the scent of the drying blood around them, dark spider webs dancing beneath her eyes the more her emotions ran away from her, her mouth opening as she tried to inhale it and was overcome with a deep need to feed. Once that sharp almost crippling sensation had passed, she shifted over to Stefan, touched a hand to the ropes and winced as they bit at her fingers like acid.
"Try the garden shears," Stefan suggested.
She looked around, scanning the tools he'd managed to kick, and found it neatly propped against the wall. She wondered who looked after this stuff before. She dashed toward the shears and then back to Stefan, snapping it once to test its resistance before trying to wedge it through the ropes. She'd had to hack at the bindings, but eventually they gave way, peeling free of Stefan's wrists and legs.
"I need to feed," Caroline said, climbing to her feet, moving for the door since she was the only one that could presently get into the basement. Stefan understood that and didn't stop her.
"You okay, Jeremy?" Stefan asked.
Jeremy had shifted onto his elbows, pulling himself into an awkward sitting position, staring at the chaos around him as if he wasn't sure what he was even seeing before his gaze settled on Damon. Stefan had seen that look on the boy's face before. He wanted to murder him. "You should get out of here and go get cleaned up inside," Stefan said, breaking through the murderous spell Damon had cast. Jeremy glanced at him, studying, still trying to come to terms with everything that happened and what could still happen. "I'll come check on you in a few minutes."
Jeremy wanted to tell Stefan not to bother, but he didn't have the strength. He just wanted to get as far away from them as possible. He forced himself off the floor, straining as he got to his feet, practically tripping over Enzo's body before managing to get to the door.
"You done with this crusade now?" Stefan asked, regarding Damon. He wasn't in any hurry to free his brother of his discomfort. "Or do you actually want to get someone killed?"
Bonnie squeezed her eyes shut and clung to Kai as much as she could with her wrists and arms still lying on her stomach like wet noodles. Kai was using his vampire speed, and Bonnie was focusing on breathing in and then out, in and out, gradually overcoming the trembling within that refused to loosen. She still refused to loosen.
Her eyes snapped open when Kai carefully delivered her broken body on a passenger's seat that was reclined to accommodate her. He got behind the wheel and drove off, speeding up along the rather empty road. It was already dark outside, Bonnie had just realized. She had spent almost a whole day in hell.
In Damon's brand of hell, designed specifically for her.
Kai reached out a hand and lay it on her shoulder, his eyes still on the road. She felt warmth seeping through her clothes and skin.
"Gotta kick-start your magic," he explained. "So your body would heal faster. I'll give you my blood now — didn't wanna risk it before we got out. Heck knows what coulda happened, and we don't want you to die with my blood in you. You don't wanna be a vampire, trust me."
When he felt she was a bit better, and her pain was returning, he bit into his wrist and held it to her mouth.
She opened her mouth gratefully, not even hesitating to latch onto his offering. Anything to make the pain in her bones stop. He'd helped her a lot, but it was still there, in the back of her mind driving her crazy. Lily had broken her bones without so much as a touch of effort. She laved at his wound until it closed and then waited on the blood to do its job. It didn't take too long. She was exhausted. The physical part had been sorted but the emotional was looming over her like a dark cloud.
"Thank you for coming for me. I mean— I thought… I figured you might have been on your way to Vegas or something."
He laughed. "Funny you should say that… I think, despite your denying it to death — oops, sorry, too soon — you do have some sort of link to me, after all."
"What? A link?" Bonnie was trying to think back on when that could have happened. "You mean there is residue from my spell? The one I cast to make sure you couldn't go too far?"
"Nah, your spell was too flimsy, no offence."
"None taken," Bonnie said, smiling softly. "You think it's something else?"
He cast a glance at her. "What do you think?"
She tried to clear her mind of the torture she'd gone through, closing her eyes, trying to feel this link he was talking about. She felt something, a sense of safety, but she'd jotted that down to the mere fact that he'd saved her. "I think… maybe it's… I honestly don't know. Did you always feel it? Is that how you knew to find me?"
"Well," he sighed, settling back into his seat, relaxing, and took one hand off the wheel. "Let's say, I've had a long period of self-reflection you probably don't wanna hear about, and long story short: I came to the conclusion that I don't wanna see Rome without you."
"I don't want to see Rome without you either," Bonnie said without hesitation. She reached for his free hand, taking a hold of it, merely needing the touch without worrying about being tortured again. A strange comfort she knew considering how scared of him she used to be. She never would have thought or believed their relationship would ever have taken a turn like this. She peered at his hand, his fingers readily lacing hers, then raised her eyes to study his profile. "I wanna hear it," she said.
He turned to her, his eyebrows raised in mute question.
"The long story," she specified, a small smile twitching in the corners of her mouth.
He gave an amused hem, skirting the car that was slowing them down. "So, Rome was out of question," he began, as if he had been simply continuing his story. "Then I thought Vegas was a good idea. The city that never sleeps, full of lights and joy and crazy rich people, drunk and gambling their fortunes away, that had to get my mood up. And when I was driving there, I realized my favorite hotel was Venetian, and I couldn't do it 'cause Venice is another city I absolutely wanted you to see with me. And then every ounce of blood I'd be getting from now on would just taste like liquid cardboard in my mouth because it's not you. And I'd be roaming the light-filled streets and search for your face in the crowd and won't find it… And every woman out there will not be you… And it's just like the prison world all over again, merely with the illusion of life around me that I can't partake in because… it's like I'm cut off… like… something's missing. Like, my connection to the world is missing."
If Bonnie didn't know any better she'd have believed that was his way of saying he loved her. She squeezed his hand, bringing it to her lips pressing a warm kiss to the back. Another thank you for indulging her. She wished she could say the same, that she could give him what he was giving her, but all she could muster was actions. She wanted him inside her. To be close to him. To have him wipe away the last day as if it never existed.
"Take me home," she said quietly, the suggestion clear in her tone. "My home."
Kai turned to her with a frown that was both astonishment and confusion. He almost looked frightened. "What— Why? It's our car, and your bag's here. What else you can possibly want from there?"
Bonnie felt overwhelmed and stunned for a second, the earlier horrors of the barn sweeping through her mind making her heart race. Being in a moving car helped very little. In fact, it was giving her anxiety of running and being chased again in the back of her mind that she only now recognized, and it sunk its little hungry teeth in her.
The truth was, she needed something like an antidote, her dearest and closest things, her place, her sanctuary where she could anchor her panicking mind and emotions. She desperately needed to be in her home where she had been happy, where Grams loved her and kept her safe. She needed to feel it now. To add it to the safety Kai provided. And to invite him into her sanctum in return for his confession. She couldn't formulate any words to tell him, but it was something she could do instead. It felt right, so much so it hurt.
"I... I need it," she uttered, unable to articulate the whole reason, lacking the right words in her currently scrambled brain, feeling tears spill down her cheeks in a strong reaction she couldn't help. She wiped at them almost angrily; she didn't intend to get all weepy again. "I really need it. Please."
Kai watched her in a flabbergasted alarm, finding it hard to decipher her motives. It seemed insane to have just escaped and willing to get back close to the place of torture. Even though he himself had spent a few months after imprisonment in his own home, just to try and come to his senses, to rage, to come to terms with it, to let the blood on the walls and floors remind him that he still had stabbed them all good, and to defy the fate by attempting to make the very place he had been defeated his own. Eventually it hadn't worked out, of course, when Kai had realized he was anything but a masochist.
But Bonnie... She was all over the place, probably a bit out of her mind. Her tears, however, gave him a pang he could and would rather do without.
He heaved a sigh, pulled his hand from hers, and turned the car around.
"You plan on helping me off this hook, brother?" Damon gritted. Stefan didn't have to strength or want to do it. He glanced down at Enzo, making sure that the vampire was still out, knowing that he wouldn't have too much longer before he came to. "You really not going to do it?"
"Think of it as a well-deserved time-out," Stefan said distractedly.
Stefan had turned his back to him and shuffled around the shed in search of a set of gardening gloves he knew as stored in one of the shelving drawers. He slipped them on over his hands to protect them from the laced vervain and then moved to collect the chains they'd used on Bonnie. There was so much blood soaked into the floors and around the walls that he was beginning to feel lightheaded. He stopped what he was doing, closing his eyes, willing himself to calm down and pace himself. When he was ready, he continued with his plan and listened to Damon stubbornly try to free himself.
Caroline appeared as Stefan was wrapping Enzo's legs, her face having taken on a renewed blush, her eyes twinkling with appreciation and a touch of anger.
"Catch," Caroline said, waiting until Stefan had finished his task before tossing him the blood bag. She hadn't brought a third. She also seemed a bit surprised that Stefan hadn't freed Damon. Stefan caught the bag and felt his stomach seize in greedy anticipation. He could already taste the blood. That wasn't a particularly good sign. He'd have to take it easy, pace himself. And he did, sipping at the blood as if he were trying to be polite, forcing himself to go slow instead of gulping it all down in one shot.
Caroline watched him with concerned eyes.
"Did you see Jeremy?" Stefan asked to take his mind off the obvious.
"He said he is going to take a shower and then lie down," Caroline answered.
Damon made a noise to interrupt them. Both Caroline and Stefan turned to look at him. Caroline was the first to move to stand in front of him, her arms folding across her chest defensively.
"You know that everything that happened here is your fault, right?"
Blue eyes twinkled, lips twitching as he tried to offer her a condescending smile.
"From where I'm standing, I wouldn't say so," Damon offered.
Caroline's hand shot out and twisted the poker. Damon cried out in pain. Stefan remained where he was, wavering between guilt and satisfaction. His brother deserved a little bit of an ass-kicking.
"Can you be sorry for anything?" Caroline asked.
"How was I supposed to—"
"You almost got Bonnie killed!" Caroline stated before he could come up with an excuse, her hand latching out to twist his wrist, snapping it at the bone the same way his mother had snapped Bonnie. Damon screamed. "You almost got Stefan killed!" This she emphasized by snapping his other wrist. Neither she nor Stefan took pleasure in his pain. "Jeremy!" Caroline yelled, there were tears in her eyes as she remembered the feeling of trying to restart his heart, of imagining one or both of her best friends faces filled with uncontrollable grief. Her hand found its way into his chest, clutching at his heart in the same way his mother had been fisting hers, fisting Stefan. There were tears in her eyes as she thought of how close she'd come to losing him again, to seeing his heart ripped out of his chest a second time. Stefan had swept up behind her, taking a hold of her wrist, his touch gentle, reminding her of where she was, trying to calm her down. Her fingers released Damon's heart reluctantly.
"That wasn't my fault," Damon gasped, raising his head to look at Caroline, before his eyes dipped to his desiccated mother and spit began to bubble from his lower lip. He looked about ready to throw up.
"Maybe not," Caroline said, her voice icy. "But you're a big part of it. A huge part. If you hadn't kidnapped Bonnie or gotten your mother involved, then none of this would have happened."
"I tried to make her see reason. She's insane," Damon spat, fighting unconsciousness, his wounds taking longer and longer to heal. He needed to feed or he'd soon be joining his mother in desiccation land.
"Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Caroline stated, looking pointedly at Damon.
"Rude," Damon uttered, finding no other means of a comeback.
Caroline turned her back on him, done with him for the time being, her attention shifting to wash over Stefan who'd taken a step back before coming to land on Enzo. He'd woken up and was starting up at them.
"Now isn't this a cozy turn of events," Enzo muttered. Caroline drew her leg back and kicked him square in the side, chains rattling, the vampire expelling a rush of surprised and pained air. "Ugh! Is that anyway to treat a guest?"
"You weren't invited,' Caroline snapped.
Stefan had shifted to check on his mother, detailing her gray corpse and the fact that her features still looked pained. The loss of her claimed family had truly broken her and despite everything that happened, despite the fact that she'd threatened to kill him, he felt sorry for her.
"Don't you start getting sappy," Damon said, seeing the look of deep thought on his brother's face. "She doesn't deserve your pity."
"You're wrong there, Mate," Enzo added.
Caroline rolled her eyes and Damon speared him with a bored look loaded with pain. Stefan scooped his mother off the floor, cradling her in his arms, feeling her fingers move against his bicep as if she were trying to tell him to put her down or hold him close. He couldn't tell which. He saw the tears in her eyes though, saw her look at him with something other than the abhorring hatred she had when she threated to rip his heart out.
"Let's put them in the basement," Stefan said, heading for the door, assuming Caroline would follow.
"We should kill her," Damon added randomly, his voice a singsong. "Drive a stack through her black heart!" A final blow he directed at Enzo. His friend pulled a face, looking as though he feared Damon would do that – although for the time being seemed unable. Caroline didn't say anything as she grabbed Enzo's pants leg, dragging him through the blood and dirt for the door. Enzo, for his part, didn't bother to argue or complain, accepting his fate.
"Hey!" Damon called, his eyes widening slightly before narrowing when he realized they were going to leave him pinned to the wall. "Hey! You can't just leave me here!" The door swung shut behind Caroline, a small smile of satisfaction on her lips as she heard him calling after her. "Caroline! Stefan!"
Kai parked a block away despite the dark and empty street, and they walked to Bonnie's house. She led the way, skittish and looking around all the time as though expecting Lily or Damon to jump out of the bushes and snap another bone of hers.
Once they reached her house, she dashed up the porch, searched about the lantern hanging beside it nestled between a collections of different sized pot plants and found the spare key. She inserted into the door lock and ushered him inside. As soon as he followed her (which he could only do as she invited him in), she slammed the door closed and locked it behind them. The curtains were still drawn and she had no intention of opening them. She could breathe easier once she was inside.
She took a moment, letting her nerves settle and then took a hold of his hand, guiding her through the house for the upstairs. She stopped midway.
"Are you hungry?"
Oh wait… he didn't need to eat.
"Nevermind," Bonnie said, shaking off her temporary forgetfulness. He wasn't a witch anymore. Well not the conventional type. "Do you want to take a bath? My grams was never big on showers."
"You should take it," he said absentmindedly, glancing around. He felt uneasy in this place; it reminded him of his Oregon home, but with another flavor. He could feel a sort of a presence he wasn't fond of.
"I need to," she said. There was no reason to explain why either. She was covered in everyone's blood. She could feel it dried and tacky on her skin. She peeled off her shirt, then made to unzip her jeans. She was moving so clumsily, her own arms didn't even feel as if they were hers. All she wanted was to crawl into bed. "My room's at the end of the hall. I guess you can make yourself at home," she said, smiling, gesturing for him to go ahead as she broke away to dip into the bathroom.
He glanced down the hallway, then after her as she disappeared behind the bathroom door, and wondered why he felt so out sorts. There was something definitely odd about this place, besides the aura of old magic akin to the one lingering around his own family nest. He checked her room first, and the obvious girly design with quite a share of pink and teddy-bear patterns inspired an amused smile. He could tell it had been awhile since she had spent any prolonged time in this place, but it still breathed her. Her signature energy was everywhere, from the hairbrush on the bedstand to the stack of books still sitting on the desk covered with a layer of dust. Next to it was a stack of teen magazines about three years old or so. A couple of boys band posters pinned on the wall elicited a chuckle. He glanced over her bed with flowery patterns on the pillows and the cover adorned with a unicorn, and had a flashback of Jo's room when she turned five and was granted it, her own space. She was so proud and planted unicorns everywhere. It was a phase, but it lasted awhile.
He went back downstairs, grateful for the enhanced night vision his vampirism granted. It came in handy since they couldn't afford turning on any lights. He strolled along the bookshelves, taking in the titles, and stopped beside a framed picture of a woman with a little girl. The girl was Bonnie, of course, wearing an adorable, happy smile. The woman's face sent a chill through his spine. His gaze flicked to another picture with the same two and a younger woman with them, then another with the same elder woman and a younger one he was all too familiar with. Another shiver thrust though him.
"Grams," he murmured, and had a wild, hysteric urge to laugh.
It all made sense to him now. In the most ironic way possible.
Bonnie approached with a candle in hand. She had forgone bathing, too tired to go through with it, after all, and went with a quick wash with a wet cloth. She had an old tee-shirt and shorts on, ready for bed.
"What you looking at here?" she asked, peering around his shoulder, taking the candle closer to see the pictures. She stared at the one with her Grams and the young woman, stunned, then reached to take it off the shelf to study, as though unbelieving.
She had seen this picture here all her life, but only now understood the significance. Now that she finally knew who the young woman was.
She looked up at Kai, amazed and confused all at once. "It's Jo," she stated unnecessarily, her eyes narrowing at Kai with both questions and knowing.
"She was our family friend," he confirmed. "Our families' connection goes way back. She was the one who helped put me away. Apparently, it's why Jo ended up so close to your town. Your grandmother woulda killed me on sight."
He walked past her as though still idly taking in the interior as she followed him with her eyes, unsure of what to say. She looked down at the picture again. Both women smiling, happy, as though Jo was her daughter or niece. Someone close.
It made Bonnie shudder how their fates intertwined. How she now knew she somehow had been connected to Kai's life all along through the ties she had no idea about. It felt strange and sort of profound somehow. She put the picture back and turned to look at Kai again, wondering now if he knew before, whether he had connected the dots long ago and whether he hated Grams, or, maybe, her, too.
"Did you know?"
He turned, looked at her, his face listless at first, then gaining a ghost of knowing. "I knew her face. Saw her at out place a time or two, introduced as Bennett. Family friend." He looked down, emitting a chuckle that sounded either bitter or sardonic. Or, maybe, both. "She was there when they trapped me. Helping them create the prison world, harnessing the eclipse. Smiled in my face, too, before we started. Said, congratulations with the merge. It's a key moment in your life. Key moment, sure as hell." He scoffed another cold laugh, and cast a look at Bonnie across the dark poorly thinned by the light of her candle. "I knew her, but never really thought of your connection until now. The odds, right? Her locking me in and you letting me out. Then locking me in again... to rot with a bunch of starved freaks. And the irony of it all — it turned me into one of them. Things I wasn't planning of releasing into the world. Trying to be a responsible coven leader. And where did it get me."
Bonnie had no idea what to make of anything, it was as if she'd been blindsided. It made more sense why her grandmother had sent her to the prisoner world. She knew there was a way out. That eventually she'd figure the spell out. Bonnie wondered what her grams thought about the Kai aspect or if it was simply a calculated risk to save her life regardless of the other possibilities. How would she feel about Jo dying? Would she be disappointed in Bonnie now? Was she seeing them in her house and cursing them? The other side had been destroyed so Bonnie's only hope was that she was at peace.
She set the candle down on the coffee table and dropped onto the couch, staring up at him, drawing her legs onto the couch, her hands resting over her knees, her fingers soothing the spot that had been crushed earlier that day. She could still feel a phantom pain beneath the surface. A reminder.
"Why didn't you kill Lily?"
His eyes narrowed a tad, "Why, you wish I did?"
Bonnie wanted to say yes, voice her vindictiveness, but at the same time she wasn't sure what that made her. What would Stefan think? She didn't even care to think about Damon's feelings.
"Would have been easier had she died. I wouldn't have to worry about her," Bonnie said, deciding to air her selfishness. She shrugged unapologetically, rubbing at her knee. "What if my grams was here? Would you hurt her?"
Her question surprised him, but then not really. In the wake of his story it was the most logical thing for her to wonder about. He didn't wonder about it. Yet, he gave her a small wily smile, "She'd hurt me first. And then you know how it goes... I'd have to retaliate... It'd get ugly..." He trailed off. Hoping she wouldn't dig further, because yes, he'd gut that bitch if he saw her. At least, he had spent many years yearning to do just that to her and his coven. What it would have been now was hard to tell. Not many things were as straightforward anymore.
"It feels ugly to begin with," Bonnie said, not liking the idea that if her grandmother had been here, that she might have ended up dead beside Jo. She knew that for a fact now. Thank goodness she wasn't around for that. Maybe it was the best? There was no way she would ever have forgiven him for that. Not that she forgave him for killing Job. But for now, she could look past it, and hope that in way what she was doing would help. "Did you ask to be turned? Or did they just turn you?"
"They couldn't afford to turn me," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Blood supply there is scarce, nothing live to feed on, and they needed me to be their ever-ready snack."
"Then what? Why'd you decide to do it? Or how? Lily? Is that why you didn't kill her? You'd think you'd want revenge against her. Against her family."
He cracked a small smile of dark amusement. "They're my family, it turned out. Treated same as me. Of course, when they figured that out, I was barely alive. They didn't really know how to pace themselves in the beginning and it was all a blur or endless horror show of torment and foggy visions. Took them a while before they decided to actually let me recover enough to talk back and make sense at the same time."
His family? That was an interesting phrase. Bonnie continued to study him, her heart aching somewhat for putting him in that position to begin with. She could only imagine what he'd gone through. Would have been easier had he simply let her kill him. But then they wouldn't be here. They wouldn't be dealing and moving forward. Bonnie scrubbed a hand against her forehead.
"So… what did you do with your family then? Where are they?"
He rocked on the balls of his feet a little as though pondering what to tell her. "Well, as soon as they figured out I was not just their relative but also the Gemini leader — the way the world blinked around them when they near killed me probably tipped them off — they slowed down on maiming and eventually we talked. I had to promise I'd free then and kill our coven, and they let me live in return. Of course there was no way for me to fool them and leave then behind — they barely let me use the toilet on my own, let alone get a breather and plot. So, yeah, they're out. I didn't lie to Lily about where they are. She just can't see them — yet."
"And that's why you didn't kill her," Bonnie stated. She didn't know how she was feeling about that and all his intertwined revelations. Guilty, yeah. That was one of the words. Sad? That was another. Lily didn't deserve her family. "You actually plan on reuniting them?"
"My plan ended with my own death," he glanced idly over the book shelves. "But she's their leader. If we killed her, they'd kill everyone in sight. If she lives, they'll probably stick to their initial revenge plan."
"Which is over now, right? You set out to do what you intended," Bonnie stated, hating that she was speaking about Jo's death as if it were a mission. As if it was something that she should be marking off a to-do list.
Kai looked back at her, slowly shook his head. "That's the problem, Bonster. Gemini were only a half of it. The other half is Bennett. It's you and your family. All of them still alive. Or, well, undead."
"And that's why you didn't kill me. Why you didn't kill her," Bonnie said. Her blood went a bit cold at that revelation, but at the same time, it made sense. He played the hand he was dealt. But was he still playing?\ "I don't have any family."
"You do," he played back calmly. "That Lucy is your family, isn't she? Tracking you down for Damon? And I dare assume that blondie pair of lovey-doveys used your mother's help with the same job." He raised his eyebrows momentarily as though inviting her to try and deny it.
"I don't have a mother. She died," Bonnie said, sounding calm about it. Abby wasn't her favorite person, but she wasn't about to pull her into the reign of fire. "As for Lucy. She—she doesn't have anything to do with anything." Bonnie would have to send her a message and warn her not to deal with Damon anymore. To go into hiding.
"Your mother's a vampire," Kai corrected with a hint of a knowing smile. "She and that Lucy are Bennett blood. It's all there is to it. Everyone with Bennett blood is their sworn enemy."
"So where are they?" Bonnie asked, wavering between being deadpan, angry and sad all at once. There was too much going on in her head. She and Lucy might not be close, but she hadn't an intention to see her or any of family die.
Kai sighed, rocking on his feet wistfully again, his eyes going to the ceiling, then back to the shelves before returning to Bonnie. He squinted subtly, trying to decipher the degree of blame she once again would direct his way.
"I cloaked them in a warehouse," he said in a low voice, like confiding a secret. "Talked them into sitting tight while I handled our coven. They're in a sort of a trance, which is why they didn't fight my spell. But it takes a lot to keep it up. It's gonna fade soon, and they'll be out. Which is why we can't stay here."
"I need to warn my family," Bonnie said, her skin crawling, a cold chill centered in her heart as if he'd doused her in cold water. "My mother, Lucy." There was a pause as she made a mental list for herself. Not to mention other cousins. "How long before they're free?"
"I don't know," Kai admitted. "Every time I weaken or pass out or die, the spell weakens. It'll be gone soon. A few days if we're lucky. But you will be their primary target — the active Bennett witch who destroyed the ascendant to keep them in. They'll probably save your mom for dessert."
Bonnie's stomach turned and the nothing she ate bubbled into her throat. "Why didn't you take me to them?"
"What we had was between you and me. No one else had any right to touch you. And then..." He spread his arms in a brief gesture as if to say Here we are.
"They're going to think you betrayed them," Bonnie said, wondering why it seemed so contradictory when he'd just called them his family. "Lily thinks that. She's going to tell them should she—they finally be free. Unless..." She couldn't think straight anymore, a headache creeping in from nowhere, centering in the middle of her eyes. She closed them and leaned her head back against the couch, giving herself a minute to calm down, to slow her breathing as she could feel her anxiety begin to kick in. "I don't know what to do here."
Kai crouched before her and placed his hands gently on her knees, mindful of her jumpiness. She raised her head to look at him, and he met her eyes with sincerity gleaming in the depth of his. "I'll keep the spell up as long as I can," he promised in a quiet tone he hoped would help soothe her rising panic. "We'll get away from here to regroup and form a plan to get rid of them. I won't let them get to you. But I can't do it alone, either. There's six of them and one of me. I'm no longer a coven leader."
Despite the sincerity in her eyes, for a second, she thought that maybe he was lying. That maybe he was playing a long game. That he wanted to be the one to drive the knife into her heart. To work through her family one at a time until all of them was dead and it was her fault. But then she remembered how he'd saved her from Lily, how if he wanted, that would have been the perfect time to end whatever charade he was playing. She was just so tired. She placed her hands over his, craving the safety of his touch, a contradiction to her turmoil. "Then we should go." Bonnie didn't want to waste time. She didn't think she could sleep as it was and she'd realized that surrounding Kai with a series of reminders of his own past wasn't going to work trying to keep him on the straight and narrow. "I'll grab my things."
"Stay the night," he advised. "I didn't understand that, but you said you needed it. And I can see it now. So take it. Take it in while you're here. You'll need that, your family power, energy you feel here. When it's you and me against them, you'll need every ounce of power you can get. 'Cause let's face it," he smiled coyly, "you're a bit on the depleted side."
"I do feel drained," Bonnie murmured unnecessarily. She didn't have the energy to do anything. Even if she wanted to. What she needed was her phone. If she could phone Lucy or send her a message, then she'd feel better. She waited a beat and then extended her hands in front of her, hoping he'd grab them and help her off the couch. "Let's go get some rest."
He took her in his arms instead and carried her upstairs to her room.
"You are not doing this to me, brother," Damon uttered.
Stefan had removed his daylight ring and jabbed a syringe into his arm laced with vervain. Damon's glare filled gaze closed immediately. The vervain had been the last and final straw in his temporary coffin.
"Are you okay with this?" Caroline asked from over his shoulder. She had been the one wanting to put Damon out of his misery for a couple of hours but Stefan had volunteered. He didn't want his brother retaliating and losing his mind on her. It wasn't for forever anyway.
"He needs it," Stefan answered.
Caroline secured Damon's shoulder to the wall and helped Stefan remove the poker from his stomach. He tossed aside the bent poker, collected his brother into his arms and gently set him on the ground. They'd found more rope and soaked them in vervain, taking their times to secure his wrists and feet. Stefan could have moved him inside, to the comfort of his own bed, but he thought it better to surround his brother with the mess he'd made. A mixture of their mother's blood, his blood, their blood and the echoes of pain. He also knew that the last time he'd done this he'd gotten a pregnant woman murdered. He only hoped it wouldn't cost anyone else and that his brother would finally learn.
Stefan headed for the exit, Caroline at his side. She linked arms with him, resting her head on his shoulder, stopping him in the middle of the yard so they could look up at the sky in search of the moon. They took side by side staring up at it, enjoying the peace it gave them.
"Where do you think Kai took Bonnie?" Caroline asked.
"I don't know," Stefan managed after a few seconds thought. "Hopefully somewhere safe."
"She was in so much pain. Do you think she's okay?"
Caroline had already tried to call her once, of that Stefan was certain.
"I hope so," he said, offering her a small smile. He still trembled when he thought back to her screams, to the magnitude of agony his mother had put her through. They both stood silent for a few minutes, enjoying the peace of the evening, a huge contrast to what their day had been before slowly starting inside.
Kai deposited Bonnie in her bed, tucked her in and put the candle on her bedside table. "Try to sleep. I'll keep you safe."
"No one can get in," Bonnie said, reaching up to drag him down onto the covers beside her. "Grams spelled it ages ago. They can only get in if I invite them in." But would that same thing apply to Heretics? She hadn't tested it on Kai, simply inviting him inside. "Are you tired? Does the spell you have on the Heretics drain you continuously? How do you keep it up?"
He shrugged, "It's just some background thing I'm aware of, like, some discomfort you go about your day trying to ignore. For as long as this link's still there, it's working. I just kinda feel it's thinning."
"How hasn't it killed you?" Bonnie asked. A witch doing continuous magic like that, on top of everything he did to save her. She wondered if that was what had weakened it. He was stretching himself too thin. "Is it the vampirism?"
He pondered it a second as though he had never really given it much thought before. "Heck knows," he said flippantly. "When I was the coven leader, it was different, easier. More habitual, you know. It came with the job, all our leaders could maintain the cloaking spells for a long time. Now it's just like that pain in my side I live with. It eases up, then it intensifies, but I'm just trying to ignore it. It only gets worse when I do stuff like disintegrate police cruisers for you." He grinned at her playfully.
"Then don't disintegrate police cruisers," Bonnie said, her tone only holding a small measure of authority. He needed to be safe. Much like she was. He also had more riding on him now. More than she'd ever imagined. She thought back to Damon for a moment, assuming that by now he was free and probably trying to run around looking for her. Or maybe he'd given up now. Whatever it was, all of this circled back to him. If he hadn't convinced her to go to 1903 and to take her revenge on Kai, then her family wouldn't have been in the line of fire and she wouldn't have been tortured today. "Maybe you need to eat? Take the edge off?"
A gist of gratitude whisked through his features, twitching his lips with a touch of a smile. "I'll be fine for a while, and you really need to sleep."
Bonnie closed her eyes, trying to do as he'd suggested. She was silent for a long time. And then she spoke again. "Did you hate Jo?"
Kai thought about it; a soft chuckle escaped him. "When? It's all about when, I guess. She used to be the only person I liked in the whole world when we were kids. She was the one on my side, trying to protect me from Dad's wrath, help me heal the bones he broke, the migraines he caused… kept me company even when Dad did everything to put a wedge between us, to keep her away. And then he managed that by assuring Jo I wanted to merge with the sole purpose of killing her. That I was so hungry for power I was looking forward to killing for it. She believed him. And she helped trap me, send me off to an eternal hell, and her little smile of triumph was the last thing I saw before the real world ceased to exist for me. So yeah, I hated her then. I spent all those years hating her, wishing to hurt her just as much as she hurt me. Then I merged with Luke, and I realized I couldn't really hate her. Even though she still hated me with passion, I couldn't reciprocate that. I wasn't even sure I ever could, even while I thought I did. Complicated… All those stupid feelings, too much facets, so much it still makes my head spin. Then she gave me her magic so I didn't die and cause our whole coven's demise, and we were finally good. At least I believed it. And then you up and pulled the same thing on me, even with the same little smile that haunted my visions when those rabid vamps were ripping my skin apart. She was happy I was locked again, wasn't she. I know she was. But I didn't hate her. Maybe that stuff with you overshadowed it — it's possible," he scratched his chin wistfully. "But even as I killed her at the wedding, I had no hate. I wasn't fond of what I did, but what I did to her was mercy compared to how my coven died. It was the least I could do for her at that time."
Bonnie's eyes opened as he started speaking, pouring his heart out about his father, about Jo and everything in between. She lay staring at him, letting him release everything that had been trapped in his head for the eighteen years. It was a hard image to deal with too. She wanted to comfort him for his father's cruelty, while wanting to shake him for hurting Jo. She didn't deserve his ire. They'd been pushed into separate corners and set up for war. It couldn't have been a good atmosphere to grow up in. There had to be a lot of animosity to deal with. Although in some ways it explained why Kai thought the way he did. Violence first. In some ways it was as if it was the only thing he knew.
"You're saying you helped her? That she suffered less?" Bonnie asked. She couldn't believe that. Maybe it was what he told himself to feel better. "Couldn't you have come up with another way? Did you not want to be a leader anymore?"
Kai rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little. "First of all — yeah, she died within a minute while my coven writhed around for an hour or so… dunno, didn't count, and I was out myself for a bit—" He waved a hand dismissively. "Anyway. I had the Heretics there, and, well, I didn't care about that leadership anymore. I guess your nineteen-o-three stunt took it all out of me. Poof, and I cared none for it. I just wanted to set the world on fire and enjoy it burn. Just to feel something nice before it all went back to hell."
"And how do you feel now?" Bonnie asked sincerely. "Do you still want to see it burn? Did you get it out of your system or is it something that's going to crop up again in the future?"
Kai turned to look at her pensively. "If I have to guess, let's say that, if they kill you, I'll make the world burn 'cause it won't be of any use anymore."
Bonnie smiled at the revelation. It seemed impossible, perhaps even farfetched and fairytale like. She didn't think that anyone would ever have burnt down the world for her. Not in a literal sense. He proved he would, though. Not that she wanted him to, but it was nice to know that she wasn't as alone as she'd felt over the last few years.
"Do you think about your family? What might have been if things were different?"
"No," he drawled, putting a hand beneath his head, eyeballing the ceiling. "Why, they're all gone, no need to waste my mental focus on it."
"Didn't you miss Jo in the slightest?" Bonnie asked, easing onto her side, pulling her pillow to her shoulder so she could study his profile. "You said you guys were close. That she protected you. Did you ever love her?" Was he even capable of it? She knew he could be fond of people. That he'd been fond of her. But he never spoke of love. He never uttered the word. Not once.
"I missed what we had after she sided with Dad, obviously. He cut me off the only person who gave a damn about me. And then there was that girl in high school… when he found out, he broke my arm and would've broken something else if Jo and Mom didn't return and Jo's worried face was the last thing I saw before I passed out. But still that warmth in her, that connection was already ripping, so… I cut her off, too."
"I'm confused, why would he break your arm because of the girl?" There was so much to unpack and she didn't know where to start.
"Oh, come on, it's an easy one. We're that crazy-ass hidden coven and I suddenly wanna hang with a girl instead of ghosting everyone and go straight home like it's the best place to be in the world… like, really… nope."
"Were you not allowed to socialize outside of the coven?" Bonnie asked. "That sounds more like a cult. Did you guys have arranged marriages too?"
"Yes! How did you guess?" He laughed. "Oh boy, Bonsy, of course it's like a cult. You shoulda met Dad. I mean, Damon did, I bet he never told you that story. Sure, who in their right mind would wanna remember meeting my father. He almost killed Jo that day, by the way. It was when they tried to get you out and Daddy got spooked they'd let me out, too. And then he decided, hey, let's just do away with the reason for Kai to even bother, and he tried to fry Josey's brains. Because the coven always comes first. But hey, I believe I told you as much… that dinner we had back in Oregon? Prison world, remember? Thanksgiving? Of course, you were too focused on ditching me and didn't listen."
"I remember what you told me," Bonnie said. How could she not? There was little else for her to do that day and like his sister's smile, that day sat in her mind as well. It was weird. He'd been playing nice and then ended up stabbing her. She wondered in some way if that was what he was doing to her now? She couldn't help that thought. It was there, always rotting in the back of her mind that made her wonder if she could trust him or if there was something else entirely. "You were haunted by Jo. I was haunted by you. You think that little of yourself? Of what you did?"
He frowned, and cast a confused glance at her. "What's your point?"
"My point is that what you say is not that forgettable," Bonnie stated. "You do have an impact on people. Even if you don't seem to think so."
"Oh, I know that," he waved a hand. "You also forgot yourself. You haunted me, too. And I told you so, but you're probably too whacked to remember. I think you should sleep." He looked at her, smiling.
"I remember," Bonnie repeated, offering him a smile as he wove her off. She dragged one of his hands from beneath his head, stretching it out beneath her own, shifting closer so that she could cuddle into his side. No matter what he told her or what logic would have told her in the past, as much as she needed the familiarity of home, she needed him too. Even if just close. Even if just holding her. Letting her know she wasn't going to evaporate and wake up in that shed again with Lily snapping her wrists like twigs. "I'm sorry that I ruined our lives," Bonnie murmured, aware that an apology wouldn't change anything, couldn't change anything where their history was concerned, but feeling she needed to say it anyway. She doubted his father ever apologized to him and she'd remembered how he'd tried in the club. Only she didn't know how to accept it then. She wished she had. She wished she'd been stronger then, more capable of pushing away Damon's reckless impulses.
She shifted her arm, placing her palm against the side of his face, idly stroking his chin as she closed her eyes. "You should sleep, too."
He watched her, falling short on words this time. His heart picked up its pace at her touch and the apology as though it were some kind of a combination spell, but he didn't know what to say to it, nor whether he should. It was something from that moment in the barn with dead bodies lying around them and blood spattering the overturned chairs. With her standing in front of him with a piece of wood she fully meant to try and drive through his heart, daring to hope it would fly while deep down knowing it wouldn't. That had been the moment to utter that apology and drop the wood. Even though he wasn't sure it would have changed anything there, it was the moment he believed he wanted to hear it. Everything that happened after it… Well, turned out, it was something impossible he wouldn't have imagined even if he wanted to, and he was the best planner and plotter he knew.
A slow, lazy smile touched his mouth as he watched Bonnie sink deeper in her slumber.
Guess, even murderous freaks got a random miracle thrown at them sometimes. It was a good thought to dwell on.
He wasn't going to let anyone ruin it this time.
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