If someone had asked her a year ago what her life would be like ten years in the future, she would tell you about the clear image in her mind. An unquestionably certain vision.

High school and driving lessons. Football games and dance competitions. Science fairs and Model UNs. Perhaps, a job as the Chief of Surgery. Clinical trials and research papers. Dinner table conversations about aneurysms and tumour resections.

Ski trips and trips to New York. Trips to see her best friend. Date nights overlooking the ocean and sneaking away to ride the ferryboats. Kisses in the on-call rooms and words whispered over wine on the deck.

If somebody had asked Meredith what her life would look like in a decade, she would have simply told you that it would be filled with love. A whole lot of love. Despite the grief, despite the loss, there would always be limitless love. Love they held for each other. Love they held for their family.

But if you asked her now? Right in this moment? She wouldn't know what to tell you.

Nothing was turning out the way she had imagined it would. Nothing.

Her marriage was in shambles, Zola had showered her with a firm 'I hate you!' when she had taken away her iPad this morning, Bailey had screamed on his way to daycare and her husband had been avoiding her eyes for weeks.

When, before her first day of work, she had taken a man home from the bar, she had ended up getting a lot more than she'd ever bargained for. A lot more than she had ever thought possible. She had gained everything.

Before she had met him, she had believed that being independent meant being alone.

Yet, over the years, over the friendships and the love, she had learnt that was far from the truth.

Love, at the end of the day, was all we had.

And she wasn't ready to give that up just yet.

She and Derek had survived a secret wife, a bomb, a drowning, a shooting, a plane crash and they were still here. Still in love. She wasn't about to throw it all away over a stupid kiss. She wouldn't.

Meredith Grey loved Derek Shepherd and perhaps, it was time for her to remind him of that.

After their argument or well, her break down, two weeks ago, Meredith had thought that they would be on their way to mending what had been broken. But something was different, something wasn't quite right. Derek wouldn't even look at her since then. He would go to extensive lengths to avoid being in the same room as her, he would work around the kids wordlessly, leaving her bereft.

Maybe she had finally pushed him too far. Pushed him over the precarious edge.

Weeks ago, there had been the mandated couples' therapy session that he had insisted they go for and for some reason unknown to her, he had made the decision to not show up. Meredith had been fuming, ready to confront him but she had first made a detour to the fourth floor to officially cancel the appointment with Dr Wyatt and had found herself staying. And talking. And returning.

So over multiple sessions these past few weeks, she had come to certain conclusions. About herself, about her husband, about their marriage.

She had of course known about her part in the collapse of their relationship but it had taken a while for her to truly accept it.

He had been cruel, hurtful, he had made her feel that his priority was his job, his dreams and not their family.

But also she had pushed, she had shoved him right out the door. And so, he had left.

It had been a hateful cycle of their old traumas and wounds. Things they glossed over sometimes. Things the ugly fights made them forget about.

It took two to tango and oh, they had tango-ed.

She was well aware of how Derek acted when he was made to feel unwanted. He had whispered it to her, in the dark of the night, wrapped around her body. Told her about his previous marriage, the onslaught of emotions he had felt at her betrayal. The emotions that had made him run. Avoid. Hide. And she had made him feel much the same, she knew now.

Which was why she was here, now. Outside his stupid trailer where he was hiding, avoiding, running.

She was here to apologise. To make things right. To bring him back home. Because he was her home.

Meredith rubbed her face tiredly, gathering up the courage.

Damn it, why did she need courage to talk to her husband? The love of her life.

But it was really all a trap of their own making.

"I think that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart."

This time, she didn't have a big speech or a thousand candles, all she had was an apology and the vows they had made to each other.

She pressed the small box containing the Post-it to her abdomen. Her finger traced the crack in the glass, the outcome of an act of disappointment, of fury. But if she was being honest with herself, at that moment months ago, the crack had just been a metaphor for her heart shattering.

To love each other even, when we hate each other.

No running. No matter what happens, nobody walks out.

To take care of each other when old, smelly and senile.

This..this is forever.

She wanted forever.

She knocked on the door, inhaling deeply.

No response.

She knocked again. Still, nothing.

Oh, come on, how long was Derek going to avoid her? He had been begging her to let him fix what had been broken. She'd do the same, if that was needed. They would have to set aside their massive egos to make this work. And there was a lot of work. But they'd do it. Together. They'd do it for the promises they had made to each other.

She pushed open the door, hissing at the cold that engulfed her as soon as she entered. Derek had been staying here without any heating? That stupid brain man. Probably sleeping in that ugly, thin brown blanket of his.

She would make sure that he slept next to her tonight. In the perfectly warm, insulated home that he built.

"Derek?", she mumbled, glancing around.

His bed was made, covered with the ugly, brown blanket. On top of it lay his clothes, neatly folded. She recognized the gray Bowdoin t-shirt, and his old worn out flannel pyjamas. She heard the water running in the tiny bathroom, the glass fogged up.

A strange relief spread over her. He hadn't been ignoring her. He just hadn't heard her.

Her gaze fell on the small table to the side, pictures scattered over it. She walked to it, her eyes fixed to the picture on top. It was a picture of the two of them outside their lake, arms wrapped around each other.

God, she had been so happy that day.

She wanted that again. She wanted them to be happy like that again. Happy in their everyday routine mundane life.

She sifted through the rest of the photos. A stack full of pictures of the kids, of her alone, of him and her. A smile made its way to her face. They'd always talked about having physical copies of these pictures, she was surprised that this is what he had been doing these past few weeks.

The water turned off, rustling emanating from inside the shower.

Okay, she could do this. It was just talking. She could talk to Derek.

He got out, tying a white towel around his waist loosely, water dripping down his body. He looked good. Her husband looked really freaking good. She bit her lip unconsciously as his eyes met hers. She hadn't seen him naked in..months. Okay so maybe once they were finished talking, she could jump his bones. Meredith had always been better at showing than telling, anyway.

"Hi.", she whispered timidly.

"Mer, hi.", he replied, shaking his slightly as if that would physically reel him back into the moment.

"What-what are you doing here?"

"I thought that maybe we could..talk."

His eyes flicked to the pictures in her hand, and then to the familiar little box. His eyes softened.

Meredith awkwardly deposited the photos back onto the table.

"Um, so yeah.", she nervously fidgeted with the contents of the table, pretending to arrange them like they'd been earlier. Which wasn't..anything meticulous.

In her jitteriness, she accidentally toppled the empty white mug. It was an ancient mug with the name of the old hospital inscribed on it. For some reason, Derek insisted on using it, still.

"Crap, sorry.",the mug had been acting like a paperweight for something underneath it and now she had spilt remnants of coffee on it.

Crap. Crap, what if it was his official White House documents? Crap, what if they sent him to jail for that? Could they send him to jail for ruining a couple of documents? She rolled her eyes at the stupidity, he had resigned two weeks ago, this was probably something else he'd been working on. She picked up the wad of papers stapled together, trying to find something to dab upon the stains with.

"Do you have any tissues or whatever?"

"No, Meredith, don't. It's fine, I got it.", suddenly he was next to her, the scent of him invading her space.

"No, it's fine. It's barely any coffee anyway, don't worry."

She used to her thumb to dab at the tiny stain.

"Mer, no, give it to me, it's okay."

"God, Derek, calm down, I can take care of a little spill.", she muttered irate.

As she finished her job, her eyes fell on the papers. She took in the words that were printed on the white sheets.

Superior Court of Washington

What the hell?

In re the marriage of

Dr Derek Shepherd

and

Dr Meredith Grey

What the-

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't breathe.

Petition for dissolution of marriage

Oh.

Oh God.

Her hands trembled, the box containing the Post-it, containing their past, fell to the ground.

Her heart beat rapidly against her chest, she heard him say her name but his voice was muffled. Everything was muffled. Blurry. It was like she was underwater. Drowning.

Her vision tunnelled, the walls of the trailer moving in, suffocating her, choking her.

She needed to get out. She needed to breathe. There was-it was so hard to breathe.

"Meredith, I can explain-"

What was there left to say?

She wanted to yell, she wanted to scream but all she could do was swat away his hand from her arm and run.

But right before she left her eyes had briefly met his. And then, she had known. She had known.

That he was done.

That Derek was done.

He was done loving her.

And if that was the case, then so was she.

"What's that?", Alex moved to walk next to her, stuffing a sandwich in his mouth.

"Eat and then speak, Alex.", sometimes it felt as if she had three kids instead of two. Her grown up surgeon best friend by far, the youngest of them.

She rolled her at the way he continued to chew loudly, ignoring her.

Meredith turned the letter over in her hands, contemplating.

"This is a letter. That my kidney failure guy has written for his ex-wife and he wants me to post it."

"Why?", Alex licked the mayonnaise from his fingertips after having inhaled the sandwich.

She shrugged in response. "He never had the courage to tell her before but he's still in love with her and now, he's dying."

He alternated between eyeing her and the letter, strangely. Silently.

"What?", she asked, infuriated.

"Nothing.", he shook his head unconvincingly.

"Out with it, Alex.", she scowled at him while he fixated on the nurses' station ahead.

"Hey, you guys going to the cafeteria?", Maggie interrupted the beginning of her wrath.

"Yeah, I'm hungry.", he said, pulling out a granola bar from his coat pocket.

"What, are you pregnant or something?", Meredith grumbled yanking the bar from his hand aggressively. She split it into two and handed one-half of it to her sister.

"What did you do to get on her bad side?", Maggie pointed the bar towards Alex, chewing on it right after.

"I may or may not have insinuated that she wants to send a love letter to Shepherd on her deathbed."

"What is wrong with you, Alex!", she shoved him lightly, fuming at his words.

Maggie chuckled, nodding her head.

What? She agreed? She was enabling this bullshit?

Meredith grunted, disapprovingly. Whatever. She couldn't care about all this right now.

She would not have a secret letter for her ex-husband at her deathbed. He was her friend. That was all. That was the only reason she'd been spending so much time with him.

She had heard the rumours, of course, she had. Grey-Sloan was an excessively gossipy place, always had been, even when it had been Seattle Grace. Especially when it had been Seattle Grace. Meredith had been right in the middle of it for years. She had thought she was finally over it. Done with it.

But supposedly, not.

Because any time Meredith and Derek were in each other's vicinity, the gossip committee seemed to gather around surreptitiously.

She sighed, disregarding both of them to grab a tablet to scroll through her cases. She shoved the letter in her pocket, choosing to dismiss the quiet metaphor screaming at her.

"Oh come on, Mer, he's just messing with you."

"So, there's no reason why your boyfriend's been going around looking like you murdered his puppy?"

Why did her person have to be someone so direct? And straightforward. And rude.

"He does not look like that. And he is my fiance."

She shut the tablet, depositing it back in its place loudly. Damn it, she wished some emergent case in the pit required her expertise. Just so she could escape Alex's ridiculous accusations.

"So, where are you guys going tonight, anyway? Do we get to meet them?", Maggie asked, leaning on the station opposite her.

"Going where? Meet who?"

Her sister raised her eyebrows, "Uh, Chase's brother and sister-in-law? I thought they were visiting today?"

Crap. Crap.

How could she have forgotten?

Oh, no.

Especially not after the week they had had. After the way Chase had been acting. Unsure. Distant.

And she hadn't forgotten, she had just gotten busy with a patient. It had just slipped her mind. Momentarily.

"I have to go."

Crap.

Meredith found Chase in his office, head resting on his folded arms on the table. Scrub cap still atop his hair albeit a bit askew.

He glanced up as she entered.

"Hey. You okay?"

He rubbed his eyes sleepily, reaching for his glasses resting next to him.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course.", he looked at her, a little dishevelled. "Did you..need something?"

"I can't show up to see you?", she attempted a smile in his direction.

He barely returned it, instead avoiding her eyes.

She continued, seating herself in the chair across from him. "So about tonight? Where are we going? Where are we meeting Jon and Cassie? Did you want me to make some reservations or have you already done that?"

He exhaled audibly, catching her eyes for the first time that day. Perhaps, for the first time in days.

"Mer, I told them not to come."

"What? Chase, why would you do that?"

Maybe because they were here to see you and you forgot about them, a voice whispered in her head traitorously. She shut it down instantly instead focusing on her fiance's kind brown eyes.

He removed his scrub cap, frustration evident in his actions.

"Meredith."

She waited. And waited.

"Chase, is there something bothering you? Then we should talk about it."

He'd been keeping her at arm's length for the past few days. She had watched him do it, and she had done nothing about it.

"You forgot that they were coming, didn't you?"

"I- I didn't forget. I just-", Meredith sighed, stopping herself. She couldn't do this, she couldn't lie to him.

"Uh, yeah. I- I did, I'm sorry. But I'm here now.", her hand reached out for his only for him to suddenly extricate it from the desk and put it flat on his thigh.

They sat there in silence with Chase's eyes fixed to the wall, refusing to meet hers, refusing to touch her.

"You forget me.", he said, ending the deafening silence.

What? What was he trying to say?

"Chase-"

"You do.", he shrugged at her. She recognized no malice in his voice, no accusations just an unfamiliar resignation. "But he is always on your mind."

He didn't make any moves to clarify who he was referring to. She didn't dare pretend to not know, either.

They knew.

They both knew who he meant.

They'd been dancing around the subject for the past few days when Chase had come home, bewildered, a little out of it, wine on his breath and had told her about his friend Thomas Koracick. And how he had been wondering why Derek Shepherd had decided to give away all of his groundbreaking Alzheimer's research to him, a man he openly despised.

And Meredith had had no idea how to process that. Much less, how to acknowledge what it meant. For her. For him. For the man she was supposed to marry. She had no idea in hell what to think of it.

But ever since that day, they'd been walking on eggshells around each other, too scared of revealing too much, or perhaps, too little.

"That's not true, Chase.", she could hardly even hear herself. Believe herself.

"I want to believe that. I do, Mer but I- I don't know how to. Not when you look at him like that."

"Like what?"

Where was all of this coming from? She knew they'd been having a little trouble lately but she had no idea that all of this had been on his mind.

"Like how I wish you'd look at me."

Meredith gulped painfully.

"And I mean I can't even blame you, honestly. I should have known.", he continued, not letting her say anything. "Some people..they're like magnets."

He put his face in his hands, eyes shut tight.

"And the rest of us who come in between them are just…collateral damage."

Meredith's stomach roiled at his words.

He was wrong. This was all wrong.

She loved him. Him. Chase Masters. Not Derek. She hadn't loved Derek in years.

"I love you, Chase."

He finally met her eyes, his features softening at her words.

"I know that, Mer. I know.", his palm came to rest over her hand. "But you'll never love me like you love him, right?"

"I don't love him. He's my friend. He's the father of my children and he's going through something right now. Which is why he needs my support. That's all."

"I believe that..you believe that.", he tilted his head, eyes shining slightly. He squeezed her hand.

"But I'm not sure how much of it is actually true."

"You have to listen to me-"

The door slammed open loudly. Meredith turned around instinctively, Chase's hand moving from hers as both of them faced the door to find a heaving Alex at the threshold.

"Mer, you have to come."

"Not now, Alex.", unless one of her patients was dying, whatever else needed her attention could wait.

"Meredith.", he looked at her, frantically. A strange sense of panic filled her bones.

"You have to come. It's Derek."

A/N: ahh, cliffhanger. Oops, sorry haha.

Anyway, I was supposed to post this on Thursday but it's here now, a little bit later.

This is more of a filler chapter but also some really important stuff happens here. Like Mer's flashback. And Mer and Chase finally finally reaching their end. I was wondering if it seemed a bit too rushed but it needed to happen. It was high time.

Anyway, i'll post the next chapter soon, don't worry I wont leave y'all hanging. What do you think has happened to Derek btw?

Thank you for reading and appreciating this story, it means everything to me!

Please leave a review, about what you think of it, if you can!

Thank you again, and take care!