Chapter 49 – The Brainwashing Begins

Nelle knew that she was going to have to explain to Esme at some point about her complicated relationship with Kiki, and how, while they didn't see each other as sisters, they nonetheless depended on each other. It wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to having, but nonetheless felt that Esme would understand, especially given that she searched for so many years for her birth parents only to be disappointed.

*Nelle watches Esme as she places Ace in his highchair*

Esme: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. Like I said, I came to your office because I wanted to talk to you. I wasn't trying to listen in on you.

Nelle: No, it's fine. This is a conversation that I was prepared to have with you at some point. In answer to your question, in some ways Kiki and I are sisters, and in other ways we're strangers.

Esme: I don't follow.

Nelle: Well, you can start by asking yourself what sisterhood really means. The classic definition is that a sister is a female sibling. Ideally, one should have a close bond with their sister. Sibling rivalry of course is understandable, but at the end of the day, sisters support their siblings. That's how it should be anyway.

Esme: That's ideal, yes.

Nelle: But I know it's not always the case. You and I share a special bond, despite lack of any prior familiar connection, be it biological or adoptive. You and I both had really horrible experiences of being adopted by people who treated us like garbage. I had an adoptive sister who was old enough to be my mom, whom I wasn't close to as my adoptive father abandoned her. Now, I didn't know that I was adopted until a few years ago. I always assumed that I was unfortunate to be the offspring of such a horrible human being. When I found out the truth, I was determined to find my biological family, and establish a relationship with them.

Esme: So Kiki is your biological sister?

Nelle: Half-sister. We have the same biodad. Neither of us knew him growing up, and in my case, I never knew him at all. He died the year before I came to Port Charles. That of course was a devastating blow, as he sounded like a good man. His name was Silas Clay. He was a doctor. He worked at General Hospital for a while.

*Esme is reminded that Silas Clay knew her father, Ryan. She was unsure about whether she should ask Nelle again about Project Orpheus. She clearly already knew about it, yet seemed hesitant to talk about it when she seemingly mentioned it casually, then backtracked. She could understand why Nelle would have a hard time talking about something so dark. However, she decides that it's a conversation for another time*

Esme: And how did you find out that Kiki was your sister?

Nelle: After I fell off that cliff I was brought to a clinic. I was barely alive as I had fallen from very high up into freezing water and had to fight the current trying to get to shore. They thought I was a Jane Doe, so they ran a DNA test which showed that Kiki was my sister.

Esme: And you know this for a fact?

Nelle: I do. They showed me the results. They were very thorough with the DNA testing.

Esme: Wow! How long did it take for you to get in contact with her?

Nelle: Less than five minutes. She was working at the clinic when I was brought there. And the guy who ran the test, who also worked at the clinic, happened to be my uncle, Silas's brother Stephen. He was working there as a coroner. I was brought to the morgue because they thought I was dead.

*Esme is stunned to learn that Nelle knew Stephen Clay, and that David Hayward's research likely was the reason why Kiki was still alive. She made a mental note to tell Leora later, hoping it would help with her research*

Esme: Oh my god! So both your uncle and your sister worked at this clinic you were brought to?

Nelle: That's right.

Esme: Wow!

Nelle: I know! The whole thing was very surreal, and I thought I was either dreaming or going crazy. First I survived falling from a great height into freezing water, then I was brought to this mysterious clinic, and not only did I learn that Frank Benson wasn't my father but my sister and my uncle both were working there. Unfortunately, it wasn't the reunion I was hoping for. My uncle Stephen is obsessed with vampires, and that's why they hired him as a coroner. In addition to being able to determine the cause of death, he's able to tell if a person truly is dead. He's brilliant but understandably is a little weird. As for Kiki, she rejected me.

Esme: Oh my god!

Nelle: I know, it really hurt. I tried to bond with her, but she refused to accept me as her sister. Instead, she insists that I'm an "evil, murderous psychopath" just like everyone else does. And that's why, despite our biological connection, I don't consider us to be true sisters. I'm pretty sure that if I my remaining kidney failed, she wouldn't even get tested to see if she's a match.

Esme: That's not fair!

Nelle: No it's not. However, I haven't given up hope that one day she'll have a change of heart and accept me.

Esme: And I suppose that's what you meant when you said that in some ways you're sisters and in other ways you aren't?

Nelle: Exactly. This is why I challenge traditional views about siblings. Sharing the same parents doesn't obligate a person to view someone as a sister or brother. There are siblings who grow up together in the same household who hate each other, and once they grow up and move out, they never see each other except at large family gatherings, or else avoid each other entirely.

Esme: Well, I guess this makes me feel a bit better about my own situation. My adoptive parents made no secret of the fact that they adopted me, and I haven't seen any of my adoptive siblings in years. But then I find out that my biological parents are both serial killers, and I have one brother who is in prison, and another brother who's dead. I don't have a family.

Nelle: Yes, you do. You have me. You are my real sister.

Esme: But then why do you feel that Kiki will have a change of heart? Especially with me around? My father tried to kill her!

Nelle: I feel that Kiki will have a change of heart, in part, because she feels bad for you.

Esme: She feels bad for me? She seems to hate me!

Nelle: She doesn't hate you. If she did, she wouldn't have demanded to ride along with you in the ambulance after you were found unconscious on the floor of the Wildwind mausoleum.

Esme: She rode along with me in the ambulance?

Nelle: Yup. I wanted to be the one to ride along with you, but Kiki insisted because she's a nurse.

Esme: Okay, but that sounds like she was just doing her job.

Nelle: And it's a job that she takes very seriously. In fact, when we found you, I'll admit I was sort of frozen in fear because I didn't know what had happened to you, as you had seemed just fine when you got up and danced at the banquet. She screamed at me to call 911. Sometimes she's my voice of reason.

*Esme thinks back to the nightmare she had the first night after she returned from the trip to Pine Valley, in which Kiki was preparing to smother Esme with a pillow, and Esme grabbed Kiki's arm trying to break it*

Nelle: She's helping me out greatly by being here. We have a lot of kids at our daycare as you know, and she's our on-site nurse. She wants to go back to GH but I'd have a lot of trouble finding a replacement. And even though she won't admit it, I'm helping her out too.

Esme: Then why does she always seem like she's in a bad mood when she's around either of us?

Nelle: She's in denial. She's fooled herself into thinking that she's better off with Ava than with us, when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Esme: I remember you telling me that the reason why Ryan went after her is because Ava and Kiki were constantly fighting, and in Ryan's messed up way of thinking, he was doing Ava a favor by getting Kiki out of the way.

Nelle: And, while I'm not saying Ryan was right in trying to kill Kiki, he was right in the sense that Ava and Kiki's relationship was super toxic. It's already bad enough fighting with another woman for a man's affection but imagine if the other woman was your own mother!

Esme: Bleh!

Nelle: Bleh indeed! And in the case of Ava and Kiki, they've fought over multiple men. In fact, I'm not even sure they were on speaking terms when Kiki was believed to have been killed. And yet, five years later, all Kiki wants to do is go home to Mommy Dearest! I highly doubt Kiki has amnesia as a result of what happened to her, but she seems to be forgetting about all the times she and Ava were at each other's throats. I guarantee that if Kiki were to go back to Ava, Ava is just going to hurt her again, and Kiki would regret going back to her.

Esme: I can't imagine why anyone would want to go home to Ava. In fact, I don't even know why my…Ryan…was so obsessed with her. I know now that my relationship with Ryan was all kinds of messed up, and that's why I hated Ava initially. I wanted my Daddy to myself. I didn't want to share him with another woman. But even now, when he's been dead for over a year, my feelings towards her haven't changed.

Nelle: We both know that she's toxic. In time I hope that Kiki will as well. If their paths were to cross, they might have a "rose-tinted" reunion but I guarantee that once the euphoria wears off, they will go back to fighting again.

Esme: I've been wondering for a while now why Kiki seems to hate you yet nonetheless continues working here, and this makes a lot of sense. I'm just sorry that you had to go through everything with your adoptive father, find out that you have a sister, only for her to reject you.

Nelle: Well, like I said, you're my sister too.

*Esme begins to cry*

Nelle: Hey, hey. It's alright.

Esme: No it's not.

Nelle: Why?

Esme: All this time I had been thinking that Kiki was a horrible person who wanted to kill me simply for being Ryan Chamberlain's daughter!

Nelle: Kiki would never do that. She takes her job as a nurse very seriously. I trust her. Just like I trust you.

*She hugs Esme, who cries on her shoulder for nearly a full minute. Finally Esme looks up and sees Ace still sitting in his high chair, waiting for his food*

Esme: Oh my god Ace, I am so sorry! You must be so hungry!

*Ace sneezes*

Esme: Aww, bless you!

*She kisses him, then gives him his breakfast. Nelle watches and smiles at them*

Esme: *Laughs* What?

Nelle: Nothing. You're a wonderful mother. People know how devoted you are.

Esme: I guess so. I'm going to have my hands even more full with this new baby. But at some point I'm going to have to return to life as I knew it before. I'm not looking forward to it, but Uncle Kevin is right.

Nelle: Well, I certainly would miss you, but it's your decision, not Uncle Kevin's. Like I told you after he talked to you, you need to do what's right for you.

Esme: How do I know what's really right for me? Or what's right for Ace?

Nelle: Do you feel safe with the idea of moving back in with him?

Esme: He and Daddy are not the same person. He would never hurt me.

Nelle: I know he would never hurt you. He loves you, but he doesn't know you. He thinks he knows what's in your best interest, but at the end of the day, he's going mainly off of his training as a psychiatrist. He's giving you the typical "If you don't do this, you're never going to get better" treatment. He's viewing you as another client of his, which, even though he pointed out that he can't see you as a client, he nonetheless sees you as a client, partially out of habit, partially out of a sense of obligation after failing to keep an eye on his serial killer brother. In his way, he's projecting his own failing onto you, and that isn't healthy, even though he genuinely means well.

Esme: Um…okay, I guess that makes sense. He did seem to feel awful about what Ryan did to me.

Nelle: He's a good man. He understands that your adoptive family was abusive, and you sought your biological family out only to discover that your father was a serial killer who further abused and took advantage of you, and that your mother is also a serial killer who you naturally don't trust or feel safe around.

Esme: Yes, but Ryan is dead, and Heather is in prison, and they already were out of my life before I came to you.

Nelle: That's not why you came to me though.

Esme: What do you mean?

Nelle: You initially sought me out because you did not feel safe around Nikolas, and you were worried about him trying to take Ace away from you. I wrote that character letter for you, which helped you gain custody, and meanwhile Nikolas went to prison for holding you in the tower. But he's out now, and you feel unsafe because of it, and you don't trust him even though he would require supervision in order to see Ace, which you wouldn't have to be part of. But that still makes you uncomfortable, which is perfectly understandable.

Esme: I know.

Nelle: You were doing what most people come to All Our Children for. Escaping an abuser. And Nikolas definitely was an abuser.

Esme: He didn't abuse me though. I was the one who seduced him!

Nelle: You didn't seduce him Esme. Ryan pimped you out to further his own agenda. He took advantage of you. It was disgusting, and it wasn't your fault. Both Ryan and Nikolas were abusers. And they weren't the only abusers you came here to escape either.

Esme: They…weren't? I mean, I guess Heather was an abuser too, at least she would've been had she not gone to prison too.

Nelle: True. Heather could potentially have been an abuser, but I doubt she's getting out of prison. I'm not buying her supposedly having cobalt poisoning due to a hip replacement. But she's not who I am talking about.

Esme: Okay, well who are you talking about?

Nelle: Trina.

*Esme is very confused*

Esme: Trina?

Nelle: Yep.

Esme: But she didn't do anything to me! If anything, I'm her abuser! I framed her for revenge porn! It's true that Dad…Ryan…brainwashed me into dating Spence, but I fell in love with him for real, yet I nonetheless prioritized pleasing my father over my relationship with Spence. That's why Spence fell out of love with me and set his eyes on Trina. And yes, I was jealous, but Trina seems so nice! I feel awful for doing such a horrible thing to her by framing her for revenge porn. I want to make it up to her, even if it means going to prison and being separated from my family. I think it would show her how seriously I am taking this…and be a good reminder about what I have to lose if I were to do something like this again.

Nelle: Well, if you went to prison, I'd miss you, and I know Ace would too, but I don't think you should be so pessimistic.

Esme: But I know that's what everyone would like to see happen to me. I don't deserve forgiveness.

Nelle: People would rather see you feeling genuine remorse while you're out of prison than deny everything and go to prison. But in the case of Trina, while I'm glad to see that you regret what you did and would hate to see you do anything like that again, I wouldn't be so quick to paint Trina as a saint.

Esme: What do you mean?

Nelle: Even though Joss was the one who punched you, Trina didn't react well to you showing up to Spencer's memorial service.

*Esme recalls Trina yelling at her about showing up to the service when she was the reason that Spencer was dead, even though Esme hadn't been the one to drug them while they were on the cruise down the Seine*

Esme: Well, Trina did react kind of harshly, but at the time everybody believed I drugged them. And people often react irrationally while grieving.

Nelle: That's true. But that isn't all.

Esme: What do you mean?

*Nelle sighs*

Nelle: When Spencer ditched you immediately after he promised to support you and Ace even if the two of you weren't together anymore, I saw how distraught you were and knew that I had to see if he was getting back together with Trina, so I had a P.I. keep tabs on him.

Esme: What?!

Nelle: I know. I felt awful doing it, but I had to keep an eye on him. I try to keep families together as best as I can, and Spencer was going back to a woman who not only was failing to take into account that you have a child whom you're trying to raise, who isn't even Spencer's biological son, but she was also going to try to take him away from you because she believed that you were an unfit mother!

Esme: Trina would never do that!

Nelle: Are you sure about that?

Esme: Are you sure that she would do something like that?

Nelle: Yes, and I have proof.

*She takes out her phone and plays a recorded conversation between Spencer and Trina*

Spencer: There's one more thing that I need to tell you, and this one is probably the most important and the most difficult.

Trina: What's that?

Spencer: *Sigh* There's a chance that Ace is in fact my son.

Trina: What makes you think that he's your son?

Spencer: Because by the time Esme and I…were together, she had stopped taking birth control.

Trina: Spencer, why are you telling me this now, when we're about to leave?!

Spencer: Because I wasn't sure how to tell you. I remembered it as I was leaving the dorm building after we broke up. And later that same evening, when I encountered Esme at the Savoy, we argued about it for several minutes before she admitted that it was possible that I could be Ace's father, though she thinks it's unlikely. And that's how this whole mess with the Pensive Pill got started. She told me that we had sex one last time and it was after she and my dad…I don't want to think about it because I feel so gross. In any case, she told me the reason why I didn't remember is because I got drunk, and I needed to know for sure. So that's why I took the pill in the first place.

Trina: Spencer!

Spencer: I know, you can be as mad at me as you want to. I shouldn't have kept it from you.

Trina: No, it's Esme, who I'm mad at! She shouldn't have kept this from you. I mean yeah, you could have handled it MUCH better in that you shouldn't have gotten so drunk in order to forget about it only to resort to taking a dangerous drug in order to remember it again, but Esme shouldn't have kept it from you in the first place! Spencer, this changes everything!

Spencer: Why? I don't think I'm Ace's father. Esme had already slept with my…with Nikolas, so I think it's unlikely that I'm Ace's father.

Trina: But what if you are his father? Have you gotten a DNA test?

Spencer: I thought about it, but no I haven't gotten a DNA test.

Trina: Why not?

Spencer: Because I don't think it's likely that I am his father, but if I am, it would mean having to co-parent him with Esme. Every time I see her we have heated arguments, and that's not something that a child should have to deal with growing up. Having one toxic parent is bad enough.

Trina: And in Ace's case, Esme is the toxic parent!

Spencer: I'm not much better.

Trina: You've made some bad choices…a lot of bad choices actually…but you're not a bad guy. Please promise me that you'll get a DNA test as soon as you get back to Port Charles!

Spencer: What if it shows that I am the father?

Trina: Then I will 110% support you in getting full custody of Ace and will help you raise him!

Spencer: But what about the Sorbonne?

Trina: I'll only be at the Sorbonne for four months. While I'm looking forward to the experience of being able to study abroad, Port Charles is my home, and it's your home too. I have tried to get past what Esme did to me, but this gives me a whole new reason to hate her! And I care about Ace, and he needs to grow up as far away from her as possible!

Spencer: Agreed. After what I remembered, I don't think she has a decent bone in her body. And I'm sorry that I turned a blind eye to it for so long. But I can't ask you to do that.

Trina: You're not. I want to do it. Taking Ace away from Esme will be the ultimate form of payback, more so than any punishment the legal system may or may not impose on her.

*The recording ends*

Nelle: This conversation took place shortly before they left for Paris. Spencer had gotten hold of a Pensieve Pill because he wanted to remember the time you and he were together after you slept with Nikolas. He was feeling unwell as a result and was worried that Trina would be mad at him and not want him to go with her to Paris, but as you heard, she not only was reassuring him that she wasn't angry with him, but was determined to punish you for having a baby that, as it turns out, wasn't even his son, and insisting that you're an unfit mother when that couldn't be further from the truth. She was plotting against you even before Spencer's death.

*Esme slowly looks up at Nelle, an intense rage boiling up inside of her*

Esme: That…bitch!

Trina got up and went to the kitchen to find Taggert already seated at the table with his morning cup of coffee

Trina: Good morning Dad.

Taggert: Good morning Trina.

*They hug*

Taggert: How are you feeling?

Trina: Physically or emotionally?

Taggert: Both.

Trina: Well so far the morning sickness hasn't been too bad. I honestly was worried about it but I guess I lucked out.

Taggert: That's good!

Trina: Yeah. Emotionally, well I know you said I can't stay with you once the baby is born.

Taggert: That's right. And I'm not trying to make you feel unwelcome here, but like I said the day you came here, if you don't like your mother making you feel like you're a child, then it's important to maintain your independence, especially now that you're going to have a child of your own to look after.

Trina: I know Dad.

Taggert: Now that doesn't mean that I ain't gonna be there because I am, and I'm perfectly happy to help you find a place and help you get settled in.

Trina: Thanks Dad.

Taggert: Do you have anywhere in mind?

Trina: I mean, ideally I should be living with the father of my child!

Taggert: I know, but he's not around, so that option is off the table.

Trina: Well, I guess the next best option is with Joss, but I wouldn't want to inconvenience her by waking up to a baby crying every morning.

Taggert: Have you talked to her about it?

Trina: No, but I suppose I should.

Taggert: Any other ideas?

Trina: Well, there's Ava, and she's a great friend, and I don't know where I'd be without her, but she and Sonny are currently fighting over Avery's custody arrangements, and I wouldn't want to inconvenience her either as she's really stressed out right now.

Taggert: You're a great friend to Ava, and I know she appreciates you. Anywhere else?

Trina: *Sigh* Well…this would be a very last resort, but I have considered possibly reaching out to All Our Children. It's true that's where Esme is living, but they've helped her out a lot. She seems to regret what she did to me, and because both of our children have the same father, and he's not around, we're going to have to find a way to get along for the sake of our kids. We wouldn't necessarily have to live together but-

*Trina sees Taggert looking at her as if she's crazy for even considering such a thing*

Taggert: Trina, no!