And we're back for another chapter of A Sitch Too Far. If you've made it this far, my sincere thanks!
The mission might not have been over, but it was definitely overstaying its welcome by the time Ron woke up, if for no other reason than the fact that homework was going to start piling up. They'd gotten lucky with not having classes on Monday due to some arcane bureaucratic reason Kim would definitely know how to explain – for Ron, all that mattered is that it was due to the Senior year and everyone else had the day off, and the school building would likely be intact the next day. Except that now was the next day, and catching up on schoolwork later was somehow even worse than showing up on schedule. The allure of staying in bed was still all too real. Especially with Kim right there. It wasn't anything romantic or dare he say sexual, it just felt good to have her there. At least once he capitulated to the fact that Kim would take whatever space was available on the bed, so he might as well stand his ground. Either way he was going to wake up entangled with a redhead.
OK, that sounded wrong.
A cold shower seemed like a good next step, so Ron carefully moved Kim's arms to clear his own path out of bed.
"What time is it…?" Kim's question came between yawns, despite Ron's best efforts not to wake her.
"Uhh, half past six, KP. I figured I'd get moving and shower so we can go have breakfast and get on the road."
"Hmm, sounds good, I'll join you…"
Ron froze for a moment as he stepped into the bathroom, what exactly had Kim just said? His body proceeded with his morning routine on autopilot as his mind furiously worked at Kim's words.
She did say that, but she's still half asleep, she doesn't know what she's saying. Probably just means she'll do the same. She wouldn't even think of joining me in the shower. Right? Right!?
His train of thought was interrupted by the water suddenly turning cold, freezing even. "Lousy hotel showers, why do they make these things so complicated? You practically need a partner just to keep the temperature sane…" He mumbled to himself.
Among other activities… A certain corner of his mind suggested.
"Ah! No, go away!"
"Ron," said Kim's muffled voice from outside the bathroom, "you okay in there?"
"Uhh, yeah, everything's great, KP! Just, uh, shower curtain trouble!" It was a complete lie, but it seemed innocuous compared to admitting where his thoughts had led him.
"Uh-huh…" Was Kim's answer. "Don't waste too much time fighting the shower curtain, I'd like to shower too before things get too crowded at breakfast…"
Ron had lost track of how far along he was, but he figured he'd spent enough time in the shower to be thoroughly clean, so he closed the water and stepped out. Reaching for his stack of clothes on the counter, he found nothing but air and cold stone. The realization began to sink in that he'd forgotten his clothes, distracted by Kim's earlier statement, and his mind raced to figure out a solution. Of course, there was only one option other than digging through a bag of dirty clothes – but he could choose how to play it.
He decided that nonchalantly walking out wrapped in a bath towel to retrieve his clothes presented the best risk/reward ratio.
"Forgot your clothes, Ron?"
Then again, nobody ever claimed that actuarial talent was inherited. He had barely made it to his suitcase before drawing Kim's question, which was accompanied by a raised eyebrow. He stuttered, trying to piece together an answer but producing no intelligible sounds.
"Relax, Ron, it's not like either of us hasn't seen more than we bargained for thanks to the brain switch sitch."
Ron's embarrassment quickly turned into panic. "But, but, …"
"You're so not going to pretend that either of us survived nearly two days without looking," Kim replied as Ron continued to struggle for words.
"But that was with my eyeballs! And yours! I mean, you with mine and vice-versa!"
"Ron. You're not seriously going to argue the epistemology of the brain switch sitch while wearing a towel."
"Uhh, school word, KP…"
Kim sighed, "As we agreed at the time, the rules were: A) No staring. B) No exploration. C) Ask for help if something weird happens. It was never going to happen that either of us would see nothing."
Ron couldn't really argue. He'd done his best to stick to the established rules, and he mostly managed to not break them, though he assumed Kim had had an easier time doing so. Finally, Ron was reminded of the urgency of getting dressed as some of the more graphic memories of that experience began to surface and threatened even more embarrassment through the physiological effects of redirected blood flow. He grabbed whatever he could get out of his suitcase and ran back into the bathroom to get dressed.
Once the immediate risks of awkweirdness were mitigated, Ron sat down playing with the Kimmunicator to distract himself while Kim showered, but instinctively looked towards the sound of the bathroom door opening. His nightmare of awkwardness was turned up to eleven when he saw that Kim was doing pretty much what he'd done a few minutes earlier.
"You're staring, Ron."
"I, but, ah, uhmm…"
Kim rolled her eyes, "If you don't want me to come out here in just a towel to get clothes, then don't flood the counter so that I can actually leave my stuff in the bathroom…"
A sheepish "Sorry…" was all that he could muster as an answer.
"No big," she said before returning to the bathroom.
After a calm breakfast, they checked out and made their way to one of the rent-a-car places that served the airport, having agreed to make the life of anyone following them as difficult as possible. Though Wade had booked train tickets, a rental car would be more flexible, and the train thing might lead someone down a wild goose chase.
"Hi, good morning, we would like to rent your biggest car," Ron said to the employee at the Global rent-a-car desk. That earned him an annoyed look from Kim while the employee typed away at his computer.
"We have a Toyota Land Cruiser, would that be okay?"
"No, that's too big…" Ron answered. "What about something less tall?"
The man did not flinch and entered a few more arcane commands in his computer, then suggested, "Would a BMW 5-series wagon be okay?"
"Is it an automatic?" Kim asked.
The employee glanced down at his console, then answered affirmatively.
"We'll take it," Ron announced, not wanting to pass on the opportunity to drive a cool car. It took him a few minutes and all the paperwork being completed to realize that there was still an obstacle to that fantasy.
"Mind if I drive, KP?" He asked, getting a raised eyebrow as a response. "I swear, all the crashing last year was from Barkin breathing down my neck."
"I wasn't going to bring that up, but I'm glad you have the self-awareness to acknowledge that little sitch," she replied.
"Is that a 'yes'?"
"Sure, whatever…" Kim said as she handed over the key.
Ron was slightly disappointed by how normal the key was, just a plain key attached to a remote control. No futuristic design, just a key that one turns to start the car. Still, more pressing issues became evident once he and Kim sat down inside the car.
"Hey, Kim, do you have any idea what route we need to take?"
"Due North… I guess? The guy said this thing has a navigation system, maybe we should give it a try, start the car and let's figure this thing out.
Ron did as instructed, and the two teens were greeted by a relatively large screen in the center of the dashboard, which showed four options arrayed in the cardinal directions. They both looked around for any familiar controls, but the center console and dashboard were pretty barren apart from the air conditioning controls and buttons controlling accessories like heated seats and other mystery functions. The only thing that stood out was a silver knob of some sort on the center console, in front of the armrest. Kim reached for it and tried to use it.
"Okay…" She said. "This is weird. It feels like it should rotate, but something is locking it in place. But it also moves up and down and sideways?"
"We're in the A/C menu, try pressing that 'Menu' button behind the knob," Ron suggested.
"Okay… So, right for 'Navigation'. Now what? Oh, okay, down and we're in 'New Destination'…"
"Is there like a left mouse button somewhere?"
"Not that I can… Wait, ah hah, the knob also clicks down. 'Enter address', please and thank you. 'Sate / Province'… No idea."
"Town / City is probably what we want…"
"But how do we get there, I'm moving downwards but it's not going."
"Lemme try, KP…" Ron reached for the controller and somehow rotated it in the process.
"How did you do that?" Kim asked.
"It just turned, I guess… Oh, it actually stops when the menu doesn't scroll any further!"
"That's kinda neat, but also terrible to use. So, let's see, 'S'… 'T'… 'R'…"
Needless to say, the infotainment system was not user-friendly. But after what felt like an eternity, their destination was finally set and Kim and Ron got on the road. Kim checked in with Team Impossible during the drive, things were quiet back in Middleton, a fact that somehow didn't bring much reassurance.
After some two hours on the road, with lunchtime fast approaching, a stop at a highway rest area was in order. Unfortunately, the plan soon met some challenges.
"This is a bad omen, KP…"
"The fact that a Bueno Nacho was shut down by the health inspector? For once I agree."
Ron had been looking forward to Bueno Nacho for the past hour, after Kim's research pointed out the now-shuttered restaurant as being directly on their route to Strasbourg.
"Well, when you put it that way… But my point is that it's the second Bueno Nacho we've tried to eat at only to find that it's closed! The universe is sending us a message!"
"And what would that message be?"
"That something sick and wrong is happening!"
"Look, Ron, it's just a coincidence. We'll have Bueno Nacho once we're back home, where Ned enforces rigorous… Well, he enforces hygiene standards, let's just leave it at that and not think too hard about it."
"I guess you're right, Kim… So we give Cow'n'Chow a try?"
"Unless you're in the mood to wait until we arrive in town?"
Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket to loudly protest any further delays to his snackage, putting a hard limit on the two teens' free will. The reality was that Cow'n'Chow wasn't bad, but it was not Bueno Nacho (an inferiority attested by its mere twenty thousand locations worldwide). At the end of the day, it was there, next door, sharing the building (and hopefully little else) with the Bueno Nacho. And it was fine, good enough for Rufus was good enough for both Kim and Ron.
After another half hour of driving, they arrived at the factory, but this one was different. Not only were there no guards, the place looked abandoned. Broken glass, a fence ridden with holes large enough for a horse to walk through, graffiti on the walls…
Kim's face revealed much the same thoughts Ron was having. "Not what I expected," she said.
"Do we, like, just walk in?" Ron asked.
"I mean, do you see anyone to stop us?"
"What if it's a trap?"
Kim looked around before answering, "I think Drakken has had better traps than this, which is saying something. My grandmother could probably escape an ambush in this place."
"Point taken, KP."
Kim and Ron walked into the lot, hesitantly at first, searching for any dangers. Finding none, they soon began to casually walk towards the front door of the building – what was left of it, anyway. Inside, there was very little to see. The discolored footprints of machines on the factory floor told the story of a once-vibrant business, but they were the only thing left at this point, along with copious amounts of dust.
"I'm really beginning to question our intel," Kim mumbled. "Wade, this place is completely abandoned, are we sure this is the place?"
"Positive, some synthogoo deliveries were definitely routed through there. Try checking the offices for anything interesting."
"Got anything in mind?" Ron interjected.
"At this point anything would be interesting," Kim vented.
"Yeah," Wade added, "any sort of paperwork would be a nice find."
Ron tuned out of the conversation momentarily to inspect a door he'd come across. He opened it and found a similarly abandoned office.
"Yo, KP, found the office. Bad news is that there's barely anything left…"
Only a cheap desk and an even cheaper filing cabinet were left. The open drawers left little hope of any interesting finds. Ron walked past the filing cabinet and absentmindedly tried to close one of the drawers but found that it would stay ajar.
"Guess we know why they left this behind, huh, Rufus?"
The naked mole rat was not very convinced, and he jumped from Ron's pocket into the half-open drawer. After a moment, he began to chitter frantically.
"What's up, little buddy?" Ron crouched to have a better look inside and found a folder blocking the drawer's movement.
"Hey, I got something!" Ron announced as he retrieved the crumpled-up collection of documents. As he inspected them further, the expression 'sick and wrong' seemed tame. "Uh oh…"
Is "Car Infotainment Systems" a genre? If any infotainment system can sustain a genre, it has to be BMW's second generation iDrive (CCC in technical parlance) - extremely futuristic and forward-looking, but enormously annoying to use. Sure, first gen was worse, but only owners of the E65 7-series had to put up with it. It's like the Tweeb's first go at the Sloth. Right direction, dodgy implementation.
Anyone who wishes to argue that the E61 5-Series wagon is not one of the coolest cars on the road in 2004 is kindly invited to a duel. E60 owners who are saying "hold on, my car had/has push-button start" - true, from the 2006 model year onwards, while earlier cars had traditional keys. Historians wondering if May 2004 isn't a bit early for the E61 - kinda, it's 'first customer deliveries' sort of early.
Non-car people getting annoyed at me glossing over the obvious, annoying cliffhanger - don't worry, check back tomorrow for the next chapter. Funny how some chapters grow out of control...