VIII - How You Get the Girl (Chloe's POV)
It doesn't take long for Red to fall asleep once she calms down. Ever since we started sleeping in the same bed her nightmares have almost stopped completely. I don't fall asleep as fast as she does, instead I just lay awake and hold her, watching the rise and fall of her chest to reassure myself she's okay. There's so many things I feel for the girl sleeping quietly beside me it's almost like there aren't enough words to describe them all.
I couldn't wrap my head around the way her mother used to treat her. To be able to hurt someone — no, not just someone, your own flesh and blood, your child — that badly, and still sleep soundly at night didn't seem right. Red didn't have an evil bone in her body, yet she'd been exposed to so many horrible things, it didn't make sense. It wasn't pity I felt for her but anger, resentment, and anguish. Her pain is a pain that never should've been dealt in the first place.
On top of everything she'd told me, other students just kept making things worse. I knew that if I was there she wouldn't get the backlash of not being "normal." At least if I was with her everyone knew better than to say something about it. I tried to keep the PDA to a minimum though, I wanted to show her as much affection as possible without making her uncomfortable or opening up the door for bullying. I already felt bad for what happened when I'd kissed her at Castlecoming and that picture was spread around. She suffered the consequences of my actions worse than I did. Nobody messed with me the way they did her, and for that I felt like shit. I felt like I needed to protect her from them, from everyone else. She was mine to have and mine alone, no one else could touch her but me.
I guess part of it was also because she was from Wonderland, and Wonderland was "weird." Even in this timeline when the Queen of Hearts was kind and loving, Auradon kids didn't think too highly of Wonderland. Red was never really teased for being from Wonderland per se, but that didn't mean she didn't get odd looks whenever she used Wonderlandian jargon in regular conversation.
I hadn't told Red this but it takes me longer to fall asleep than it does for her, even when she's right beside me. It isn't because I miss her too much or can't sleep without her, it's that my mind won't let me sleep. I have to worry myself to the point of exhaustion for the night before I eventually pass out, my arms wrapped around the redheaded girl in my bed with me.
When I eventually do fall asleep, it isn't for long. I have something planned for Sunday, too, and I need to get up earlier than Red to prepare for it. The first thing I needed to do was get her some food for breakfast, otherwise she'd be moody the entire day. After I got dressed in a white knee-length dress I ventured out to the kitchen where they served breakfast and gathered a small plate that had a little bit of everything on it. Today we were heading back home, but first we were going to stop at the botanical gardens in Auroria.
After grabbing Red some breakfast I headed back to our room. I didn't need to be particularly quiet because Red was a heavy sleeper. Once she was out, she was dead to the world. I began packing up some of the clothes I'd brought for the both of us. It all could fit into one small suitcase and everything was neatly folded, dirty clothes kept separate from the clean clothes. I left out an outfit for Red, something I knew she would like and was her style. Once everything was packed up and we were almost ready to leave, I woke her up.
Her messy red waves made a sea of hair on our pillows and I gently shook her to try and wake her, but it was no avail. "Red, come on, wake up. We have stuff to do today."
"No," she mumbles under the covers, sleep still heavy in her voice. "I wanna stay in bed with you."
My cheeks blush at that last statement, even though she probably just meant cuddling, which I'm completely okay with if that's what she wants. But she's felt so much pain in her life, I want to be the one to give her pleasure, too. I myself have caused her pain, pain that she didn't deserve to feel because I was the one at fault, not her. I want to show her how good it feels to be loved by someone, and what they can make you feel.
"As tempting as that sounds, we have places to be, darling," I said, sitting on the side of the bed where she was sleeping. I hear her let out a groan before she finally arises from the blankets like a zombie from the grave.
"Fine," she said. "Good morning,"
"Good morning," I smile back at her, placing a gentle kiss on her lips, and sure enough, that fixes her grumpy mood. Red gets out of bed and starts getting dressed with the clothes I laid out of her. Once she's done I take the dirty ones and put them with the rest of the dirty clothes. We work in silence, but it isn't awkward, it's just because we know how we work together so well that words aren't needed.
"I got you breakfast, but I didn't know what you would want, so there's a little bit of everything," I said. A smile graces her face, and I feel a pang of sadness. A simple act so small could melt her heart in ways I didn't understand. She picks at the plate, only eating the fresh fruit that I brought for her. I remember when she told me that there were sometimes days she went without eating because her mother punished her. Even now, she never ate much, even when she said she was starving.
Red walks by a mirror and she stops, pauses, and I'm intrigued. She doesn't like looking at herself, at all. She gets closer to the mirror, moving her hair away from her face.
"Chloe, what's this?" she points to the spot on her neck that I kissed and bit last night. I let out a small laugh when I realize she doesn't know what it is. I walk over to her where she stands gaping at herself in front of the mirror.
"Red, love, it's a hickey. You give them to people you like as a form of affection," I said, resting my head on her shoulder. "It's like… it's a different form of public displays of affection, it's more…intimate, I guess."
"And everyone will see it," Red says, pondering the thought. "Everyone will see that you did this?" She says the last part as a question, and I don't know if I've offended her or not by putting that mark on her.
"Yeah, that's usually the point of them, to let other people know that this person is taken."
"But we aren't together yet," Red said, and then her face turned into a shocked expression. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that. I—" I turn her around to where she faces me, and before she can get another word out I kiss her.
"I know what you mean," I said when I pulled away. "We aren't together, not yet," I said the last part with a smirk on my face. "Whenever you're ready, we'll be official."
She smiles timidly, her cheeks flushing. "Thank you, Chloe." Red wraps her arms around me, and I hold her as tight as I can. I never wanted this girl to leave. I never wanted her to feel another ounce of pain or hurt, yet even I wasn't safe enough for her. The guilt still eats me alive, and I'm sure I've already made up for it in her mind.
"Are you ready to leave?" I asked without letting her go. She doesn't say anything but nods her head yes in response. I plant a kiss on her cheek and she giggles before pulling away from me.
We walk out of our room and I carry the suitcase, locking the door behind us. As we're walking down the hall our hands gently brush, and eventually Red can't take it anymore and grabs my hand, holding it until we reach the front desk. I don't want to break her hold on me, but I fish through my pocket and find the room key.
"How was everything, Chloe?" the innkeeper asks. It's the same one from last night, and he's known me and my family since before I was born. Something about this being his retirement job after working as Grand Duke.
"It was good, everything was lovely," I said, plastering one of my perfect smiles onto my face.
"Good. I'm pleased to see you two had a good time," he says as he taps on his computer, and Red instantly moves her hair to her left shoulder and flushes at his comment. It takes everything in me to hold back my laughter.
"I think I'll see you girls later, but don't have too much fun," he said once he turned to us after finishing his typing.
I let out a laugh before saying anything more, "No promises."
The second we walked out of the inn I burst out laughing. Red's face is the same shade as her hair and she crosses her arms over her chest.
"Chloe! It's not funny!" she pouts.
"I think it's a little funny," I say between my laughs. "Come on, it's not even that big of a mark, love."
"Yeah, but it's still a mark. Now he thinks we spent the whole night fucking," Red grumbles.
I cock an eyebrow at her, "Is that what you wanted to do?" Her face flushes deep red again and she stares at the ground.
"No, I don't know what you're talking about," she says quietly. I laugh at her again before taking her hand and walking to the same black limousine that brought us here yesterday. The driver gets out and opens the trunk for me to put the suitcase in.
"So where are we going now?" Red asks once we're in the car on the road.
I glance at the time on my phone, "You'll find out in an hour," I said.
She rolls her eyes, "But I asked now."
"And you'll know later," I said. She groans and lays her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around me, and I hold her close. I slide my hand up under her chin, making her look at me. I want to tell her how loved she is, even if she never believes it. I want to tell her she's safe with me, and that she'll never feel hurt or upset again. I want to show her how much I love her. Instead, I press my lips to hers, and she lets me take the lead. She follows my every move, countering it perfectly. I gently bite her lower lip, and she opens her mouth for me, letting me slide my tongue in. I rest a hand on her hip because I know if I let go of my self control she'd be underneath me in a second, and our driver would be seeing more than he bargained for.
I pull away from her, and I can tell that there's nothing but pure desire in my eyes for her. I want to have her right here, right now, but my self control wins just this once. I plant a tender kiss to her lips again, moving my lips to her cheek, her jawline, her neck. A quiet, breathy moan releases itself from her throat, and it takes everything in me to not tear her clothes from her body. I bite the spot just under the hickey from last night, hard. A yelp elicits from her and she jumps.
"Chloe!" she whisper-yells at me, trying to stay inconspicuous to our driver.
"What?" I laugh.
"You're gonna give me another hickey, really?" her face looks panicked as she averts her eyes to the driver.
"I can do it later if you want?" I whispered to her, smiling.
She blushes again, moving her hair over to her left shoulder again. She doesn't say anything else for the rest of our ride.
We finally arrived at our destination and we got out of the car. "I'll be here whenever you're ready," the driver says to us.
I tell him thank you and grab Red's hand as we walk toward the entrance of the gardens. In front of us is a large conservatory, and all around it are fields of vibrant flowers.
I hold Red's hand as we walk on the cobblestone path beneath us, taking in the scent and screaming colors of the flowers around us. There were tiny clusters of baby breath surrounding sky blue hydrangeas. Clusters of purple orchids and pink dahlias. Pink and white lilies peppered the deep green grass. And then there were the roses…
We were okay until she saw the roses. She stopped in her tracks, unable to pull her eyes away from the roses the size of dinner plates. She swallowed back a hard lump in her throat, and slow, steady streams of tears fell from her eyes. I try to pull her away from them, to break her gaze, but she's locked in, frozen, she won't move.
"Red, love, look at me," I beg, "Please." Her gaze breaks at the mention of her name and she looks at me, staring straight into my eyes as her tears flow. I cup her cheek in my hand, wiping the stream of tears with my thumb.
"Hey," I say gently, quietly so only she can hear. There's no one else around, but it still feels like a private moment. "You're okay. You're safe. You won't get hurt anymore. She can't hurt you here. You're with me, remember? You're safe." I pull her into me, and it's like hugging a statue. She doesn't move, she just sits there and it takes everything in me not to fall apart myself. I push my own emotions away so I can be strong for her in this moment because that's what she needs right now. I know that if I show her what her emotions are doing to me in this moment I'll only make her feel worse. She may be breaking my heart in this very instant, but she doesn't need to see me fall.
I pull away from her, checking to read her facial expression. The tears are gone now, all that's left behind is splotches of red and puffy eyes. "How do you feel?" I asked her. I don't ask if she's okay, because I know she isn't. Instead she can tell me how she feels, that would probably get her to open up to me more.
She sniffles and then draws in a sharp breath, "I'm better now. I'm sorry. The roses just…they made me feel something."
"Stop. You don't have to apologize and you don't have to explain your feelings," I said.
"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head.
"Red. You're apologizing for apologizing. I'm not upset with you for having a reaction to something you feel," I try to say it in a stern voice so that she understands me, so she understands the words I'm saying to her.
She swallows again, staring down at the ground, "Okay."
We start walking again and I steer her away from roses. I don't ask her to explain her reaction, if she wants to tell me why it happened she'll tell me in her own time, on her terms. I don't push her to tell me anything, if she feels safe enough to share something with me she will. As we walk through the conservatory together she holds onto my arm like a small child, like she's afraid she'll get lost or lose me. It doesn't take long before she's back to her normal self, skirting from one plant to another.
When she goes off and sticks her nose in some tiger lilies it makes my heart swell with pride. Seeing her happy was one of the best feelings, and lucky for me she was always happy around me. There were so many things I wanted to show her, wanted to teach her. She deserved to be taught what love felt like, real love, not the fake, conditional love her previous mother showed her.
It took us hours to walk through the entire garden and by the time we were finished our feet and legs were aching. Once we got back to the car, we practically fell inside. The motion of the car made me want to fall asleep, and Red did, her head resting in my lap. As she slept I gently brushed her hair with my fingers. Seeing her sleep was really the only time she was truly relaxed. She may be comfortable with me, and I get to see a side of her no one else does, but sleep has a way of making even the most high strung individual seem serene.
Two hours later, the car stopped outside Auradon Prep, and we were back home. Almost instantaneously Red awoke, rubbing sleep from her eyes. The driver got out, opened the trunk, and grabbed the suitcase for me.
"Good afternoon, sunshine," I said, teasing.
"Shut up," Red grumbled. "I was tired." I got out of the car first, taking the suitcase from the driver. I hand him his payment and tip before Red shows up behind me. I take her hand in mine as we walk back to our dorm. Some of the students are still coming back from their late practices or study groups with friends. As we walk a couple of them give us curious glances, others are giving us looks of bewilderment.
"Chloe, people are staring at us," Red whispered, nervousness clear in her voice.
"Let them," I said, not bothering to hide my irritation with some of my peers.
"Chloe! Hey! Where were you this weekend? I went to your dorm but you weren't there," Christopher, the son of Anna and Kristoff, popped up beside me, walking nearly as fast as I was to try and keep up. He and I had a chemistry class together this semester and we were usually lab partners but not much else. He was pleasant enough to work with but I really didn't know much about him otherwise.
"I, uh, I decided to take a little weekend get-away. Why, what's up?" I ask, trying to ignore him. It's not that I don't like him, he's my friend for crying out loud, it's just that I didn't want to deal with him right now.
"Well, uh, I just wanted to see when you were free next. I was thinking maybe we could hang out outside of school?" Christopher said, a hopeful smile crossing his face. I stop walking and turn to face him, trying to think of ways I could let him down easily.
"Christopher, I…I'm not interested. Please don't take it personal because it's not just you—I'm not into guys, I'm gay. Besides, I'm already seeing someone," I said. It felt good to be able to own who I am, to be able to say what I am and not worry about what people think about me. Part of that I owe to Red, without her I would still be hiding that part of me. I need her just as much as she needs me. We need each other in ways we can't explain with words or even actions sometimes, but there is an unspoken understanding between us of how much we need the other person.
"Oh, okay," Christopher said, sounding surprised. "I didn't know that. I'm sorry I asked."
"It's okay. I appreciate you taking my 'no' as an answer," I said. There was no more conversation after that, we both headed to our respective dorms, which just so happened to be in opposite directions.
We finally got to our dorm and Red flopped onto her bed, making me laugh. She props herself up on her elbow, her facial expression indicating she's deep in thought.
"Chloe," she started. "You just told someone you were gay. A month ago you never would've even thought about that. I'm proud of you." I stop in my tracks, thinking about what she said. She's right, a month ago I never would've even allowed myself to think about telling someone I was gay, but here I am, owning up to it and not even caring about the consequences. I walk over to her, resting my arms on her bed.
"You're right, a month ago I never would've thought about doing that. But you helped me get there, and there are no words for how grateful I am for you. And if being me upsets people, if being with you upsets them? Then oh well. Because that's not me. Being with you? That's the real me." I said, planting a lingering kiss on her lips.
"Wow, you really are cheesy aren't you?" Red said after we pulled apart and I just roll my eyes in response.
We get ready for bed in silence, the both of us worn out from the physical activity of the day. I take longer to get ready for bed, but when I walk out of the bathroom Red is already under the covers waiting for me to join her. When I slip in beside her she snuggles up to me, getting comfortable with her head on my chest.
"So, how did you like our first date?" I asked.
"It was wonderful. I enjoyed getting to spend time with you and not having to worry about anyone else. It was nice," Red answered.
"Maybe we can do it again sometime?" I asked.
Red laughs, "Yes, I'd love to go on another date with you."
"Okay," I answer, unable to hide my smile, and I know she sees it. I move to turn off the light on my nightstand so we can go to sleep, "Goodnight, Red."
"Goodnight blue."