AUTHOR'S NOTE:

First off... I thought I'd made it fairly clear in the satire chapter but… um… okay, guys, seriously, I don't take requests. It's not that I don't think you have wonderful ideas, but it's because—well—honestly, I probably already have it planned out. The plot still (GAAAURGH!) hasn't really started yet. Please just stay with me, everybody, we've got a LOT of ground to cover, here! ;)

Secondly, six months ago today, I did something TERRIFYING and INSANE, that I NEVER saw myself doing: I got a fanfiction account, and starting posting some stuff. I have been OVERWHELMED with the love and support I've received. This isn't my favorite chapter, but to celebrate, I'm doing something that is even MORE terrifying and insane to me: As of NOW, a Sneak Peek preview clip of the first 45 seconds of "Broken, Jagged Edges" is on YouTube. I'll tell you more at the end of the chapter.

Thanks for reading, thanks for the WONDERFUL and fantastic reviews, you guys are the BEST, and have an AWESOME day! :D

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44: THE ROOTS OF FEAR

Elsa's heart started pounding as she stared at him, his face suddenly filled with pain as he leaned onto the staff. Shaking his head, Jack took in another deep breath.

"It was self-defense," he stammered, "I mean—it—my friends were threatened, and—well—and this guy—!"

Elsa's eyebrows lifted slightly. She backed up a few steps, bumping into the ice piano bench and sitting down.

Jack bit his lip.

"Okay," Jack admitted quietly. "It really wasn't self-defense. I mean—he hadn't really gone for me yet, but my friends were in danger. So I attacked."

"What happened?"

Jack Frost gulped, looking down. Pulling in his breath again, he shakily walked over, joining her on the bench and resting his elbows on his knees. Elsa suddenly found herself noticing that he wasn't trying to touch her.

Her heart started pounding.

"It was last March. Two incidents. Same person, though," he admitted. "This—um—person—had killed one of my best friends. In front of me."

"No!"

"Yeah. Not a nice guy." Jack shook his head, looking down at the floor and shifting his fingers on the staff. "And he was trying to hurt all of us. Anyway, I gave him everything I had. I froze all of his—uh—weapons—and threw them back at him."

Elsa shifted towards him an inch on the bench. The muscles in his back tensed, and she paused, leaning forward slightly to try to see his face.

He couldn't look at her.

"Did it work?" she whispered.

"The first time, yes. Not so much, after that." Jack bit his lip, nervously glancing towards Elsa's feet. "By that time, he'd reverse-engineered my strategy. Traced it down to its root and used it again me—it was like I just gave him another weapon."

A wave of confusion swept over Elsa's face.

"Um—fear. This person. His weapon was fear," Jack explained quietly. "And when I attacked with him with anger—well, every motivation can be traced to its roots. Anger stems from fear. I mean, all anger really is is fear, mixed with passion."

Elsa bit her lip, letting out a nervous laugh. She shifted on the bench. "That can't be true."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Uh… no?"

"Well—of course not!"

A hint of a grin tugged at the edge of his mouth. "With all due respect," he said quietly, chuckling bitterly under his breath, "I—um, I know fear pretty well, Snowflake. I mean—I'm a Guardian. I have to. What do you think I'm guarding kids from?"

"But that definition of fear," Elsa countered, "It's—it's too—simple!"

"So, it can't be true?" Spinning around on the bench, he turned and looked at her. "Alrighty, Snowflake. Game on. Think of a time when you were really angry at someone."

"Jack, I try not to let myself get angry," she retorted. "I mean—I can't afford to get angry at people. I loose control."

"Which implies that you have been angry before, at least once." Jack raised his eyebrows, reaching for her hand again. "Example… a couple minutes ago?"

Elsa thought of this for a moment. Jack grinned mischievously, glancing across the table at the sheet of parchment.

She gasped, pulling her hand away from him. "You were being obnoxious!"

"Yeah, and you got ticked off," he chuckled, scooting towards her on the bench. "Anger. Why were you angry?"

Elsa moved another inch away. "I—you were saying that—well, frankly, I just didn't like what you were implying!"

Scoot.

"That you have a gender," Jack scoffed, grinning slyly and inching towards her again. "Because acknowledging that would be—bad?"

Scoot.

"In that context, yes!"

Scoot.

"Why?"

Scoot.

"Because it's not proper!"

Scoot.

"Who cares?"

Scoot.

"I do!"

Scoot.

"Why does it matter to you?"

Elsa tried to scoot back on the bench again, only to gasp, barely catching herself before she fell off its end. Groaning in frustration, she shook her head, ignoring Jack's silent laughter and getting onto her feet.

"Because," she said sternly, "I don't want anyone to think that I would be that flighty and—"

"—Fear!"

Elsa froze. His eyebrow raised, Jack sat up a little taller on the bench, staring intently into her eyes.

"There it is," he said softly. "The fear. Right. There. You were angry, because you were afraid that someone might think you were—"

"—Don't say it."

A sly little grin tugged at the edge of Jack's mouth as he saw Elsa's blushing. He shook his head.

"I hate to break it to you, Elsa," he chuckled, "But—uh—you're a girl. I mean, you know that. Right?"

"You're not supposed to be reminding me of it every ten seconds!"

Jack leaned forward onto his elbow, peering up into her face through his eyelashes. "You know," he teased, "At some point, you're going to stop running away from it, and actually embrace the whole sexuality thing."

"Well, don't hold your breath."

"From what I've heard, one usually doesn't."

"You—!"

"—THERE! Right there!" Jack interrupted triumphantly, uncrossing his legs and leaping up onto the table, "Anger! Why are you angry?"

Elsa's breath caught. She then set her jaw, feeling more blood rushing to her face in embarrassment.

Wow, had she fallen for that one.

"I just—I—oh, I don't know!" she stammered desperately, "I—I don't like that kind of humor, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Well—what if you got the wrong idea?" she blurted, "I mean—our friendship! If something went sour—"

"So, we're back to fear again."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "That doesn't count as another example. I was mad at you for the same reason."

"So, name another."

"Alright," Elsa retorted, her mind racing as she desperately tried to think of a reason to change the subject, "I—I got mad at Anna when she told me she had gotten engaged to someone she'd just met. Two summers ago."

To this, Jack's eyes bulged. After a few moments, he then grinned, shaking his head. "Anna got engaged to a guy she'd just met?" he breathed.

"She was lonely." The Snow Queen rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "But, of course, the guy turned out to be a total sociopath. I tried to warn her about it, but then she got upset, and she grabbed my glove, and I freaked out because I didn't know if I could conceal my ice powers without it, and—"

"—Oh, look! Fear again!"

Elsa stopped.

Her eyes wide, she stared at the ground, twisting her heel into the carpet as Jack Frost effortlessly leapt down from the table, bouncing into the air and landing in front of her.

"It's either fear or love, Snowflake," he said quietly. "Everything stems from one of 'em."

She slowly looked up into his face again, his usually piercing blue eyes now soft with sadness again. Jack paused, closing his eyes and pulling in his breath slowly again.

"So," Elsa said carefully, "This—person—?"

"Yeah," Jack sighed. "My attacking him with anger—it worked the first time, because it caught him off guard. But once he'd traced my motivation back to its roots—my fear was exposed, and he could exploit it." Jack laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "My furious nightmare-freezing thing—this guy—well, let's just say that little trick didn't work on him anymore."

Nightmare-freezing thing? Elsa thought. She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but—seeing the pain in Jack's face—decided against it.

Whatever it was, this memory was hurting him.

"You can't conquer fear with anger," Jack choked. "The best anger can do is delay it for a little while. I mean—if anger stems from fear, it can never totally overtake it. Only love can do that."

The Fifth Guardian bit his lip, readjusting his grip on the staff. After a few moments of silence, he took in a quick breath.

"Look, I know it sounds corny—"

"—No, I—I believe it," Elsa blurted. "I learned the same thing."

Jack raised his eyebrows. She looked down, twisting her heel nervously into the carpet.

"When I—when I reacted out of fear. I mean," Elsa admitted. "I lost. Frankly, I almost destroyed Arendelle. It was only when I responded to things with love that I got control."

"What do you mean?"

"After I got my powers under control—after I figured out my center, I suppose," she said softly, bringing a weak smile from Jack, "I—I made a decision out of anger. Even though I knew I shouldn't have. And I've never done it again since. At least—I've tried not to."

Jack gestured back to the bench, saying nothing. Elsa nodded, following him over and sitting down again.

"Back right after my coronation," she started quietly, "There was—um—a duke—that tried to have me killed. He sent two of his attendants to do it. They broke into my ice palace and—well, and they cornered me on the top floor."

Jack's mouth fell open. "Cornered you?" he gasped, "Two against one?"

Elsa smiled weakly. "Two against one—with ice powers."

"Ah. Well, then."

Her smile faded again, and she looked back up into his eyes. "Anyway," she sighed, "I had my magic to protect me. They only captured me when I stopped fighting—I guess one good thing came out of the sociopath. It was self-defense, but I was almost a killer anyway. When I got back to Arendelle, I was still really angry about what had happened. So I cut off all trade with Weaseltown."

"Well, they deserved it—"

"—No—I mean, I know they deserved it, but—that's the thing. My point," she stammered. "I—I made a decision out of anger. I wanted to punish them. Not just stop their abuse of power, not just to protect Arendelle or myself—I wanted to make them hurt."

Jack was silent. Elsa pulled in another pained breath, squeezing her eyes shut.

"The people of Weaseltown—they were the ones who really got punished. Not the duke. Not the men that tried to kill me," she choked. "And I've had a lot of months to think about my decision. I—I regret it."

Jack Frost stuck his hand in his pocket, feeling the edge of it with his thumb.

"So," he whispered, "If you could go back…?"

Elsa shook her head. "No. I would definitely not cut off the trade," she said fervently. "I mean, cut off the duke and his cronies? Oh, yes. I would definitely rewrite the trade agreements so that they, personally, wouldn't be allowed to ever set foot in Arendelle again, or frankly, get anything from the agreement. But I wouldn't punish all the people of Weaseltown."

The silence fell over the room again.

Looking back to him, Elsa fidgeted with her fingers, pulling in a deep breath.

"Jack… are you familiar with Henry V?"

Jack paused. After a few moments, he raised a single eyebrow.

"Uh," he started carefully, "Like... personally, or…?"

"No! The play!"

He laughed, shaking his head as a little color rose to his cheeks. "Just making sure. Because—um," he chuckled, leaning forward a bit as he looked up into her eyes, "I'm not—that—old, Snowflake!"

Elsa giggled, seeing his expression. "Then, you're basically familiar with the plot and everything, right?"

"Oh, yeah," he laughed. "I actually saw part of it. In the Globe."

"You saw Henry V in the Globe Theater?!" Elsa sputtered. "The Lord Chamberlain's Men? Seriously?"

"Well, it was The King's Men by that point, but—"

"—What else did you see?" Elsa interrupted. "That must have been amazing!"

Jack grinned, rocking back slightly on the bench and crossing his legs. "Well," he started, letting the staff fall back onto his shoulder and counting on his fingers, "From what I recall, I saw chunks of King Henry V, As You Like It, A Midsummer Night's Dream, and… well, and of course, Romeo and Juliet."

A sly little grin twitched out of the side of his mouth as he said the final title, and Jack glanced up towards her again, shooting her a quick wink.

Elsa's heart leapt into her throat.

"You're—um," she choked, "You're flirting at me again, aren't you?"

To this, Jack let out a sharp bark of laughter, catching the shepherd's crook forward into his hands and spinning it on the ground. "Well, I don't know, Snowflake," he chuckled, "Is it working?"

Elsa blinked.

"Um," she said slowly, "Romeo drinks poison… and Juliet stabs herself."

"I'll take that as a no."

To this, Elsa grinned, rolling her eyes. Jack shrugged.

"As for Henry V, though—I only saw a chunk of it," he admitted. "I mean, when the theater was being built, I—um—I messed with them a bit. I mean, it wasn't much of a blizzard, but I felt kind of bad for the guy afterwards, so I'd stop back in every few years to see how his plays were—"

"—YOU SNOWED OUT WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE?!"

Jack opened his mouth to say something, and then looked down, shutting it again with a nervous laugh. The tips of his ears turning pink, he shifted his fingers on the staff.

"Um…"

"Un—believable."

He blushed harder, shrugging slightly. Elsa shook her head, laughing good-naturedly and walking over to the table, leaning against it as he got onto his feet.

"So… anyway," she sighed, her face smile fading again, "You know that scene where Henry goes out among the troops in disguise?"

"Yeah, I vaguely remember it."

"It's iconic."

"It's been a while."

"That argument with the soldier about accountability…" she started softly, "That, if the soldiers are fighting an unjust war, their obedience to the king justifies them so that nothing that happens is their fault?"

He got up, walking towards her. "And ol' Henry disagrees, right?"

"Of course." She laughed bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest. "He naturally doesn't want that much responsibility. But, that's my point. With the whole Ice Alliance thing. I'm sort of in the same position as King Henry. When I make a decision that affects so many people—if something related to that decision goes wrong—whose fault is it? It is mine, for having the power to influence people, or is it the fault of the people themselves, what happens?"

"Wait. I lost you. What does that have to do with the Ice Alliance?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow. "We're not going to war, Snowflake."

"But, in a way, we are! The Council. I mean—pranking them into resigning? Seriously?"

He fell quiet. After a few moments, Elsa pulled in a deep breath.

"See? This is the worst part about being reinstated as the Queen again. I have to call the shots," she choked. "It's another big, huge thing that I do not miss about politics. I mean—alright, let's pretend for a minute that we keep the council the way it is. "

"Well, that sounds awful."

"Stay with me, please," she begged. "Here's the problem. They don't like change, and if I keep them, they aren't likely to allow more reforms to go through. If I can't get them on board with these law reforms, if I can't get them passed, for every child that gets hurt—because I didn't out the council—who is really to blame?"

Jack's eyes bulged.

"The criminals!" he sputtered. "Elsa—you can't—"

"—But I'm supposed to be working to stop them!" she countered, "I mean—Jack—now that I'm aware of the problem—if I don't DO something about it, any more crimes that are committed there are partially my fault!"

"But they're not!" Jack protested. "You can't take responsibility for that—"

"—But see, that's the whole argument!" Elsa groaned. "I—I'm accountable, Jack. At least partially. And I can't run away from it."

He looked down, biting his lip. Her face filled with pain, the Snow Queen pulled in a deep breath.

"People always act like the hardest choices are the ones where you have to choose between right and wrong. But they're not," Elsa sighed. "THOSE ones are easy. The hardest choices to make are those where you're choosing between something bad and something worse, and trying to weigh who will be hurt MORE by each decision."

He was silent. After a few more moments, Elsa shook her head.

"Honestly—that's why I'm so worried about this idea that we're going to spook my councilmembers into resigning," she said softly. "I mean—is this right? To do it this way?"

He looked up into her eyes, his face grave.

"Suddenly, I'm understanding more of why you're so anxious all the time," Jack Frost said slowly.

"My point exactly," Elsa whispered. "On the one hand, it feels wrong to make them suffer, but if we don't do this—if these reforms can't get through—how many more people will suffer because of it?"

Fifth Spirit sighed, turning away from him and starting to walk back over to the table and the volumes of court records. From somewhere behind her, over on the other side of the table, she heard Jack get up from the bench.

"How can you possibly be twenty-three years old?" he breathed.

Elsa paused.

Her face filled with confusion, she hugged her arms tighter to her chest, slowly turning back to face him. His eyes wide with wonder, Jack took a step towards her.

"Elsa… you keep acting like I'm the noble one," he said quietly. "Are you even listening to yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who's sounding more like a Guardian here," he whispered, "You or me?"

Elsa froze, her mouth falling slightly open in shock. Before she could respond, Jack smiled sheepishly, walking up to her and taking her hand.

"Seriously, though," he whispered, looking up into her eyes, "If we're moving on the whole Alliance thing tonight, you probably need to be getting to sleep. I mean, if I'll be waking you up at two in the morning."

"We're doing this at two in the morning?"

"Do you know a better time for spooking geezers?"

Elsa let out a nervous little laugh, looking down to her hand. He gave it a squeeze, and a jolt rushed through her. His fingers were so cold.

So wonderful.

"I—um," she stammered, glancing back up, "It's kind of funny to hear you say that. Mister Breaking-and-Entering."

He blushed, letting out a nervous laugh and shuffling his feet on the floor.

One of the volumes of court records was still on the icy pedestal over by the bookcase. Elsa turned and pulled her hand from Jack's, starting to walk towards it. Before she could reach it, though, a gust of cold wind rushed past her.

A few seconds later, Jack came back down to snatch up the other book, his staff under his arm as he flew. After placing it carefully back on the shelf, he lit down by Elsa again as she disintegrated the icy column she she'd been using as a book elevator.

"Wait—Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I—um," Elsa asked, her face curious, "I was wondering—so, if you're waking me up, and everything—do you ever sleep?"

He shrugged. "Like, on average?"

"Sure."

He tossed the staff to himself as Elsa walked over to the table again, disintegrating the icy piano bench. "About four hours or so a night, then," Jack said casually. "So, yeah, but not as much as most people. And I can go a few days without sleeping, if I want to."

"I am so jealous of—wait," Elsa said suddenly, spinning around. "Um—Jack—have you slept recently?"

"Uh…"

His voice trailed off, and the Spirit of Winter looked down, self-consciously sticking his hand into his front pocket.

"Jaaaaack," Elsa said slowly, "Have you slept since we've met?"

"Well—yeah!" he stammered, nervously running his fingers through his hair, "I mean, of course! Sure!"

She raised an eyebrow, for the first time noticing how sunken his eyes were, beginning to go bloodshot around the edges. Jack blushed harder.

"Alright," he muttered, "I—I haven't. But we can still move on the Ice Alliance thi—"

"—No. Not tonight," Elsa told him. "You need sleep, too."

"Sleep is for the dead."

"Um—"

"—I'm undead."

"Jaaaaack—?"

Elsa raised her eyebrows.

"Fine," Jack sighed. "I can see that you're not going to let up on this. Tomorrow night, though."

"Tomorrow night," Elsa agreed. "Now, come on. Let's get you to bed."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE (AGAIN): Okay, so a quick word about the DRAFT of "Broken, Jagged Edges" that's up… first, when I say I do a little sound editing, I just say that to clarify that all the instruments are fake (example; I can't actually play guitar or flute, but there's guitar AND flute in it). So, I'm not good enough to edit my voice. The vocal track is worthless, but it's just so you get the idea. And no, I do NOT sound ANYTHING like Idina, who is the Goddess of Song, so… bare with me. I'm just singing with my own voice. Thirdly, I think it needs more bass and piano; let me know what you think. Fourth(ly?), I had to mess with the melodies and rhythms a bit to make this work—you'll hear a difference, I'm sure. The intro gives a little taste of the kind of stuff spread through the song, and I do a lot of weaving melodies together. Fifth, I recommend looking up "Rise of the Guardians Soundtrack Prelude" and giving it a quick listen, before listening to the sneak peek, so you'll recognize bits of the tune. Lastly: Search for "SNEAK PEEK OF DRAFT of "Broken, Jagged Edges" from "Ice Alliance, a Jelsa Fanfic," and you should find it. The channel, of course, is under "Nope Not Telling." Love you all, let me know whatcha think, thanks for reading this chapter (as always), and I hope you have a fantabulous day! :D