AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you again to everyone for your reviews, and your kind words of encouragement. Especially to those of you who reached out to me after my last Author's Note… it's really helped. Again, I love and adore you all, and truly have no idea how to thank you, so—thank you! :)
Also, regarding the idea of joining Discord (because some of you have brought it up): I'm. THINKING. About it. As I brought up with a new friend of mine in a PM, it's not a lack of interest as much as it is a matter of Not Wanting To Bite Off More Than I Can Chew (seriously, look how long it's currently taking me to get each chapter up). Also, I've been told that one of the administrator people on there seems to like me, so… Hi, Dyn! (*waves awkwardly*)
Part of the reason that joining the "Jelsa Haven" Discord is so tempting, though, is because it sounds like it's a place where I could endlessly blabber on about topics related to this fandom—like, the characterization issues with Elsa in Frozen II. While I still would TOTALLY give the film an A++ for the plotline, music, and events, I can't help but feel that they made a movie which was largely supposed to be about Elsa, and then… forgot… to invite Elsa? (I would explain more of what I mean, but: MY POINT EXACTLY. This Author's Note is already too long, but there were A LOT OF THINGS IN THIS FILM AND I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THEM; MAY I RANT PLEASE.)
The reason I bring this up is because this is the first chapter in which I bring up the fact that I didn't think Elsa was really Acting Like Herself from the end of the "Into the Unknown" sequence through the part where she and Anna find their parents' boat. I really want to give a full lecture about this (what I'm convinced the writers were TRYING to do, why I don't think it worked in the context, and how they TOTALLY COULD HAVE FIXED THE PROBLEM BY GIVING ELSA THREE MORE LINES OF DIALOGUE; THAT'S ALL IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN TO FIX EVERYTHING AAAAAURGH), but—yeah. Author's Note too long. Me need shut up now. (*Whispers* sorry!)
REGARDING A03: It's currently unlikely that I'll repost Ice Alliance on another website, because (I think?) that's against one of ffn's site policies, and I'm terrified of getting this taken down. Because, ffn is VERY strict about enforcing their site policies. You know… like that policy about having No Mature Content on this website!
(*long, silent pause*)
(*bursts out laughing hysterically*)
(An open letter to Fanfiction: HAVE YOU EVER READ FANFICTION.) Anyway, as I've brought up before, this note needs to end. I love you all, thank you for tolerating me, thank you thank you thank you to EVERYONE who's reviewed and/or written to me, SPECIAL thanks to Guest Reviewers Neenie, just a guest, Rin, Lexi1220, SG8, and 18419. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a fantabulous day! :)
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76: GRILLING
As soon as the door closed behind them, Jack and Eugene simultaneously burst out laughing, dropping their arms to buckle over with snorts and guffaws in the empty hallway beyond the private dining room.
"Now… THAT," Eugene gasped, his hands on his knees, "THAT was fun."
"Did you see their expressions?"
"AMAZING."
The Spirit of Winter grinned, pushing his fingers into his hair. As Eugene caught his breath, he then straightened up, stretching out his arms.
"Ahhhhh," Eugene sighed contentedly, "I… am…"
He paused for a long moment.
Dropping his arms, Eugene then beamed and resolutely placed his hands on his hips.
"Not getting any tonight," he declared.
Jack Frost snorted, shaking his head and sticking his free hand into his pocket. "You are not," he confirmed, letting his staff fall onto his shoulder.
"But, neither are you."
"That is accurate."
"That is obvious."
Jack Frost's face fell, the previously lighthearted expression fading from his features. His shoulders sinking, the Spirit of Winter then glanced back towards the door of the private dining room for a long moment, a glint of heartbroken frustration flashing behind his eyes.
Drumming his fingers on the staff, he huffed a bitter laugh.
"Worth it," Jack Frost decided, pulling his free hand from his pocket and offering it to Eugene.
Eugene grinned wryly and grasped Jack's hand into a firm handshake, leaning a bit towards him. "Is it?" he chuckled.
Jack Frost opened his mouth and then closed it again. Not missing the way that the winter spirit's shoulders slumped even further, his gaze wandering back towards the dining room once again, Eugene then dropped the handshake and stepped back.
"Welp," he chuckled, grinning again, "Let me know if you ever need anything, Frosty."
"Actually…"
The Guardian reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, the shepherd's crook sliding an inch down his shoulder.
Eugene's eyebrows lifted. "Yeah?" he asked, "What's up?"
The snow sprite shifted uncomfortably on his feet, letting out a nervous laugh as his cheeks flushed pink. "Never mind," he stammered, taking a step back.
"Aw, come on," Eugene pressed, "It's really no—"
But before he could finish the statement, Jack Frost spun around and suddenly leapt into the air, a gust of wind catching him before he could fall. Eugene's eyes bulged as the Spirit of Winter shot down the hallway away from him, darting around a corner and disappearing from sight.
Huh.
So… now he can FLY? Eugene thought.
THAT was new. On the other hand, it seemed like EVERYBODY in this family was magical, so… not wholly unexpected.
With a shrug, Eugene then turned away, inspecting a large portrait that was hanging on the wall beside him without giving Jack Frost's unique abilities, nor dating prospects, a second thought.
.
.
.
The royal carriage bounced and jostled as it thundered down the worn dirt path towards the final school on the edge of Arendelle's kingdom. It was a very small school—only serving six students, from what Queen Elsa recalled—but those six children were just as important as the rest. Therefore, they were going to be invited. The Northuldra had their own traditions already, and had thus turned down Elsa's previous invitation, but it was alright. The children of Arendelle were more than enough to ensure a wonderful party, and Elsa was thrilled for the chance to meet with them. Even the carriage ride with her sister and her cousin was going to be wonderful, because they were going to talk about Arendelle and Corona and Christmas, and NOT her love life, and it was not going to be uncomfortable or awkward at all.
Or… so she'd hoped.
Clutching her mother's scarf around her shoulders, Queen Elsa had been taking a minute to stare out the window, watching the landscape rolling by, when the sound of her little sister decisively clearing her throat jerked her back into reality.
"Soooo…" Anna began.
Elsa's face flushed. She knew that tone.
Forcing the Queen Face, the Fifth Spirit turned back to look into Anna's gaze, as well as Rapunzel's.
"So… what?" Elsa asked.
Queen Anna rolled her eyes, smiling as she glanced to Rapunzel. Rapunzel's eyebrows were lifted as well.
"So!" Anna started again. "Care to explain what on EARTH was going on this morning, between you and Mr. Jack Frost?"
Elsa's heart jumped into her throat. The question wasn't a surprise, but she hadn't been expecting it as much as dreading it.
"I don't know," Elsa admitted weakly. "I'm just—trying to focus on Arendelle. Nothing going on with Jack right now seems to make a whole lot of sense to me."
Her sister's forehead crinkled. "What do you mean?"
"Well—ever since Prince Frederik arrived, it's like Jack has been—on edge. For some reason," Elsa said. "I really don't have any idea what could be going on."
Queen Anna's eyebrows lifted.
"You… don't," she repeated.
"But—besides!" Queen Elsa stammered, suddenly feeling very self-conscious again as she pulled their mother's scarf more tightly around her shoulders, "This isn't just about me! I mean—look at our cousin!" she exclaimed, gesturing to Rapunzel as Rapunzel's eyes widened in surprise, "Nobody's asked her what she thinks of this whole thing! And she's just been dropped into the middle of it! I mean, I—"
Elsa stopped talking, giving her head a quick shake. Actually looking at Rapunzel, she drew herself up.
"I'm sorry," she corrected, "I mean—we both are. How are you holding up?"
Anna looked instantly embarrassed. Blushing, she nodded. "Good question," she conceded. "What have you thought of your first day and a half in Arendelle? And, it's not usually like this," she added with a chuckle, "I promise."
Rapunzel laughed softly. "It IS a lot to take in," she admitted. "I mean—everybody knows now that Arendelle is magical, but I didn't realize it was THIS magical. Nature Spirits, and Elsa, and now… Jack Frost is real? And, here?"
Elsa's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name. She looked down, smiling in spite of herself. Jack Frost WAS real. And he was HERE.
Eeeeee!
The Snow Queen nodded, shyly fiddling with the fringe on her mother's scarf. "And Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And the Tooth Fairy," she added. "They're all real."
"It's been quite a week," Anna agreed, her expression then melting into a smile as she nodded towards Elsa. "Having magic in Arendelle is nothing new, but—um, we're not exactly used to having magical—"
She paused for a moment as she searched for the word.
"Tension," Anna decided, waggling her eyebrows at their cousin.
Princess Rapunzel suppressed a laugh, biting the edge of her lip as she glanced to the Fifth Spirit. "Your wanting research on Jack Frost makes sense, now," she said softly. "And then, having him just show up, and be—well, he's not just real. He's…"
Her voice trailed off.
"Adorable?" Anna offered.
"Insanely adorable." Rapunzel laughed, crinkling her nose. "Like, I want to wrap him up and put a bow on him, adorable."
This comment was so unexpected that Elsa snorted in shock, clapping her hand over her mouth.
"I don't think I see Jack going for that particular idea," she giggled.
"Sissy, I think you'd be surprised what Jack would go for, if you were the one the ask him."
Elsa rolled her eyes, ignoring Anna's comment as the carriage jolted. But she couldn't deny that—at least in a small way—the statement was true. Jack was INCREDIBLY generous with her… and not just with how sweet he was, but with just how seriously he was taking their Ice Alliance. She had received word after breakfast that another FOUR men had resigned from the Council, meaning that there were only three left, who hadn't retired. And they probably wouldn't be staying for long.
After Jack had left with Eugene, she hadn't even seen him, let alone been able to thank him yet. But how COULD she thank him, for something so important? She was struggling to even feel like she was worthy of his time.
Righting herself after the carriage jostled again, Rapunzel leaned forward in her seat. "But, then there's another boy, too!" she exclaimed on a whisper, "What do you think of Prince Frederik? His name IS Frederik, right?"
"Right," Elsa replied, the feeling of foreboding returning.
"We SHOULD talk about that," Anna agreed. "So—what do you like about him? I mean, you DO—like the guy. Right?"
Elsa nodded. "Very much."
"Okay. Why?"
The Snow Queen looked down to her hands. "Well," she started. "He's very smart."
Rapunzel gave her an encouraging nod. "How so?"
"Prince Frederik is very educated. I mean, it makes sense for—but, Jack is incredibly smart, too," Elsa added, smoothing the top of her sparkling skirt as she talked, "He's traveled ALL over the world, and he speaks—well, everything! He's spent so long watching people… on TOP of the fact that he's naturally bright. I always love talking to him. And he can debate with me really well, too. He'd actually do really well in educated circles, I think—even though he wouldn't put up with anyone's hogwash. We've taught each other SO much…"
Queen Elsa's gaze had wandered to the window while she spoke, the landscape passing by. The grayish, whitish haze of December was over the land, still beautiful, but without the sparkling and breathtaking grandeur of freshly-fallen snow. It had been a few days (a week?) since Jack had gifted Arendelle's children with a snowstorm—the natural kind, that would allow them to have breaks from school—but the effects of his good work were still there. Even so heartbreakingly far away from him, Elsa could feel that this particular snow had something to do with the Guardian.
How far-reaching were Jack's blizzards?
"You and Frederik?" Rapunzel prompted suddenly, pulling her from the train of thought.
Elsa shook her head. "No, Jack."
Rapunzel and Anna exchanged glances.
"So—uh—Frederik is smart," Queen Anna started again, enunciating the prince's name. "What else?"
Elsa adjusted herself in her seat, adjusting her mother's scarf on her shoulders. "He's nice."
"Okay."
"Prince Frederik is really quite respectful. He's a proper gentleman," Elsa reasoned. "Not that Jack isn't! I mean, Jack is—less polished. But he would have to be, right? And, maybe that's a good thing. I always just feel like he means everything that he says. And he's so kind. I mean, Jack just wants everyone to have fun, and for ME to have fun." She pulled in her breath, closing her eyes for a moment. "He's not at all naïve, but he's GOT to be one of the purest people I've ever met. And he's so gentle…"
Her voice trailed off, and Queen Elsa looked down to where her pale hands rested on the sparkling fabric of her skirt. Today's number was a pale blue, with an enormous burst of snowflakes sweeping across her left hip and scattering down the front of the dress.
Not that she had been increasingly emphasizing snowflakes in her most recent designs.
"Jack Frost is, you mean," Rapunzel clarified.
A shy smile melted over Elsa's features.
"He's just amazing," she breathed.
Closing her eyes again, she let a long silence fall over the carriage, her heart swelling at the peace that she felt inside.
"And you just. Can't. Decide. Between them," Anna deadpanned.
"Jack is a million times more wonderful than I ever imagined," Elsa giggled on a whisper. "I still can't believe he's stayed in Arendelle this long. I mean, that he actually wants to be friends with me."
Let alone… well, she thought. Everything else.
"Um," Rapunzel laughed softly, "Elsa? I know I haven't been here for very long, but—I'm pretty sure that that surprises no one."
"So what's holding you back?" Anna asked, "Why haven't you two made it official yet? What's going on?"
Elsa's heart sank.
Here we go.
Adjusting the scarf again, the Fifth Spirit didn't respond for a long moment. Swallowing hard, she uncomfortably chewed on the edge of her lip.
"Wait…" Anna realized, her gaze lighting up with comprehension. "He still—Jack still hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend?"
"He's not interested in me that way," Elsa choked.
"But we—we left you two alone! Again! He's had the perfect opportunity to—"
"—Look, if anything, Jack had the opportunity yesterday afternoon. Okay?"
A look of confusion swept over Queen Anna's face. "Yesterday aftern—?"
Her brow furrowed, and she looked down in contemplation. All of a sudden, her eyes bulged.
"THE LIBRARY!?" Anna shrieked, making the others startle, "That was—when I—oh, no, Elsa; if I interrupted while he was about to—"
"—You weren't," Elsa insisted, "You weren't interrupting anything. But he wasn't saying tha—"
"—WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He really DOES seem to like you," Rapunzel pressed, "Did he at least tell you?"
Elsa bit her lip again, looking into her lap and twisting her fingers. "I don't know," she choked, "I mean—sort of, but—"
"—HA!" Anna exclaimed, "So, he DID tell you he likes you! I KNEW it!"
"Well—not exactly—but—"
Queen Elsa's voice trailed off with uncertainty. Gathering her courage, the Fifth Spirit then pulled it her breath, hesitantly peering up through a preemptive wince.
"Jack didn't ever bring up the idea of being in a long-term relationship. Or—commitment—or anything," Elsa choked. "But he kind of propositioned me, I think."
The inside of the royal carriage fell completely silent.
Her heart pounding, Elsa watched with anxiety as her younger sister slowly drew in her breath, her hands clenching into fists.
"He… did… what, now?" Queen Anna enunciated.
"I—um—I think he propositioned me," Elsa admitted frantically, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them, "He was talking about how well we'd do together, and how much fun we'd have, and—and, I pressed him about it, and he was just meaning physically. Because we're the 'same species,' and—and there were some other things—well, it's actually rather flattering, but—"
"—That is not flattering," Anna gritted.
"No," Rapunzel agreed, shaking her head. "That's really inappropriate."
"But it's probably my fault!" Elsa exclaimed, holding up her hands, "I'm probably imagining things, and I'm sure he didn't mean—when he said—well, I was kind of sitting on his lap at the time, and—"
She might as well have set off an explosion.
"WHAT?!"
"HOW in the—"
"—WHAT!"
Queen Elsa's head started reeling, the inside of the carriage blurring into a swirl of color as panic gripped her throat. Her hands flew to the sides of her face, and she squeezed her eyes shut, cringing and shrinking into herself in humiliation. She didn't realize it was bad. Or awkward. Was it bad? It was bad.
She was supposed to be in the Forest. With the Spirits. She wasn't meant to be with people. She would just make a mess of things.
A mess of everything.
The snow was starting to swirl around her, and she cringed further, now reaching for and clutching her mother's scarf so hard that her knuckles turned white. Frost starting to fracture out over its fabric, her head spun, vaguely aware of Anna's voice coming from somewhere far away.
"Elsa?"
Alone. She was meant to be alone. Alone, away, hiding, running, away from people, away from this, away from everyone—
"Your majesties?" suddenly asked a male voice, startling Elsa out of the panic.
Her mind slowing, Elsa dizzily looked up, noticing only in this moment that the movement of the carriage had stopped. It was softly snowing around her and all inside the carriage, and she realized that—with a look of concern on his face—the carriage driver was suddenly perched on the side step beside her, looking in through the window.
"I—um," he repeated, pulling off his hat as he looked between Elsa and Anna, "Is everything alright?"
"Yes," Queen Anna blurted before Elsa had the chance to gather her thoughts. "Do please carry on. We apologize for the ruckus."
The Fifth Spirit blushed, looking down and nodding. It was still snowing inside of the carriage.
CONCEAL!
"I'm sorry, ma'am," the driver stammered, primarily addressing Anna, "There was—screaming—if I was going too fast, or—"
"—We were talking about men."
He opened his mouth and then closed it again, clutching his hat. Wordlessly, the carriage driver then put it back on, blushing with a nod as he stepped down from the carriage, making it bounce slightly from the shift in weight.
As the driver climbed back up into his seat, the entire carriage gently bounced again.
And they were moving.
Her grip slackening on the scarf, Queen Elsa stared back down at her feet, her old heels feeling strangely foreign to her. By this point, she had gotten used to the flat sandals she wore in the forest, but she did rather miss the fancier shoes that she could wear in the castle.
Not to mention… Jack seemed to like the heels.
Why do I care what he thinks?
"So… um," Anna tried again, making Elsa look up. "So—he had you sitting on his lap? You said?"
Elsa felt the heat of shame rushing to her face once again. She squirmed.
"I didn't know that was bad," she choked helplessly, "I didn't think—I just really like being close to him; I didn't—"
"—I don't think it's necessarily—bad," Rapunzel offered, "Just—"
Her voice trailed off. She chewed on the edge of her lip, glancing to Anna.
"Maybe a bit odd," she admitted, "I think that people would have different opinions about it. What was the context?"
"I think it's more a context thing," Queen Anna said. She looked to Elsa. "How did you end up on Jack's lap? Exactly?"
"Could you please stop saying that."
"Sorry. But… um… how? Did…?"
The Fifth Spirit squirmed again, clutching her mother's scarf tighter around her shoulders.
"I asked him," she whispered. "I asked him if I could."
Anna's eyebrows lifted.
"You—asked the Spirit of Winter if you could sit on his lap," she repeated slowly.
Elsa's face flushed. Gathering her courage, she gulped.
"It's not crossing any lines," Elsa stammered, "I mean, I didn't think it was. And he didn't either, and we both like it, and the closeness, and—well, I just wanted to be close to him like that again."
"Wait—again?" Rapunzel asked, her brow furrowing, "What do you mean? You've done this before?"
Elsa deflated.
"We'd kissed a lot of times on the night before, and then it was morning, so he said that if we were doing a goodnight kiss, we should do a good morning kiss, too," she said, "And I'd never heard of that before, but it makes sense, and—I trust Jack. So he was kind of hugging me while I was putting on my makeup, and then he pulled me onto his lap, and he was feeling my hips and touching my legs, and—it—um—"
Seeing Anna and Rapunzel's eyes bulging, and the way they were once again exchanging glances of horror and shock, Elsa's voice began to trail off.
"It—was nice?" she shook weakly.
Princess Rapunzel leaned forward, placing her elbows onto her knees and pressing her hands together, touching her fingertips to the bridge of her nose as the color drained from her face. Meanwhile, Queen Anna's mouth had fallen open, and she shut it again, covering it with her hand. Looking down, and back up, staring at her sister in worry, she then closed her eyes, unable to come up with a response.
Pulling her hand away from her face only to start kneading her eyebrows a second later, the pregnant young queen pulled in her breath.
"Oh my word," Anna choked.
Feeling the panic rising within her again, Elsa's face went pale. "Jack is—very playful," she blurted, making her sister tense up and press her lips together like she was struggling very hard to keep from screaming, "He didn't mean anything, I'm sure."
"OH, no, he didn't mean ANYTHING," Anna gritted, "If Mister Playful is getting too playful with MY—!"
Elsa watched as her sister abruptly stopped talking, cutting herself off with a hard head shake. Rubbing her forehead, Anna then shook her head again, pulling her hand to the side of her face and turning to stare out the window.
"Rapunzel," Anna choked, "Could you please take this for me?"
Their cousin nodded. "Of course."
"But Jack and I weren't DOING more than that!" Elsa protested, "We—we wouldn't! I promise! I mean, it wasn't like he was holding me down in the snow again, or anything, and—"
Queen Anna buried her face in her hands, an unintelligible and yet murderous sound coming from her mouth.
"Which was an accident! And he got off immediately!" Elsa stammered, "Even though it was really kind of—never mind. But he's specifically told me that we weren't doing ANYTHING I didn't want to do, okay?" she added, anxiously twisting the edges of the scarf, "Like—the thing about sleeping next to each other. That was my idea, not his."
Rapunzel's eyes widened. "Sleeping next to—"
"—With a wall! There's—a wall! But, see? Like, when we made out—initially, that was my idea, too. I mean, he tends to take ideas and run with them, but—but it's not like Jack is trying to pressure me, or anything. He's—I think he's a good guy," Elsa choked, her voice fading to a miserable whimper, "He's even a Guardian! But that's why it just doesn't make any sense that—well, he—I don't know."
Her voice trailed off, her eyes stinging with humiliation.
Cringing back into herself once again, and well aware of the snow flurries materializing out of the air around her, the Snow Queen placed her elbows on her knees and let her head fall forward into her hands.
"I don't know," Elsa whispered, shaking her head. "I don't know anymore."
A tense, uncomfortable silence filled the carriage.
Snowflakes falling all around them, the Fifth Spirit looked out the window, reaching for the ends of her mother's scarf and watching the Arendellian landscape passing by. The bouncing of the carriage, the roughness of the worn dirt road…
At least something felt familiar about her life.
"So… to recap," Rapunzel started carefully, visible concern in her eyes, "Just… please help me understand… the first time, when Jack pulled you onto his lap, it was because you were going to kiss again… after you'd made out on the night before?"
Elsa bit her lip. Looking down to her hands and fidgeting with the fringe on the shawl, she nodded.
"And then, yesterday, you asked—requested—to sit on his lap again, just to—" Rapunzel paused, her lips twitching to the side. "Cuddle? Basically?"
The Snow Queen felt heat rushing to her cheeks. Swallowing hard, she nodded again.
"And, this is on top of the fact that you're basically spending almost all of your free time together."
Nod.
"And, that you're intentionally sleeping in beds placed right next to each other, in the same room, every night?"
Another nod.
"But then you're having a serious, formal courtship with… Prince Frederik," Rapunzel finished. "Because you and Jack are just friends."
Chewing on the edge of her lip, the Fifth Spirit stared down at her skirt. Queen Elsa then nodded for a final time, saying nothing.
Silence.
"Okay!" Princess Rapunzel exclaimed breathily, "Um—okay! Okay…"
As Elsa looked back, her cousin paused for a moment, forcing a nervous smile. Pulling in her breath, Rapunzel pressed her hands together and touched her fingertips to the bridge of her nose, her eyebrows lifting.
"Okay! So, the fact that you're trying to be really clear with him about what you like, is—great," she started awkwardly, pressing her hands together and bringing them to her lips, "But Elsa, is it—um, could it be—possible—that you—might—"
She stopped talking for a brief moment. Sucking in her breath, Rapunzel then closed her eyes and opened them again, grimacing.
"MightBeSendingJackFrostSomeMixedMessages?" she squeaked.
Elsa's mouth fell open. "Mixed messages?" she balked, letting out a breathy laugh, "I'm not giving him mixed messages! If anything, Jack's the one giving mixed messages to me! I ALWAYS try to be honest with him. And my message is always the same."
Rapunzel's eyes lifted, and she looked to Anna. Anna shifted herself in her seat, adjusting her skirt over her stomach.
"And?" Anna asked.
Elsa's face flushed. "That I've always admired him for as long as I can remember, and it's amazing to get to actually KNOW him because I love being close to him, both physically and emotionally, but I don't want to pressure him into something he doesn't want and even though I think I want more than he does I'm still grateful to be friends because I'll take whatever I can get even though I'd love to be in a relationship despite the fact that even that probably isn't realistic because I have to prioritize Arendelle over myself and that includes considering Prince Frederik, but Jack Frost is absolutely amazing, and if I were to lose him, I would be heartbroken for the rest of my life!"
Gasping slightly for breath, Elsa realized that both Anna and Rapunzel's eyes were now as wide as saucers, staring at her in awe.
"And that—and," Anna choked, "That doesn't strike you as potentially being confusing?"
"I'm always honest with him," Elsa bristled.
She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, then uncrossing them. As a few flurries of snow resumed falling around her in the carriage, she saw her cousin pull in her breath.
"So… you're in love with Jack Frost, but you don't think you can have him," Rapunzel summarized. "For… a number of reasons."
The Fifth Spirit of the Enchanted Forest shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The words rang to be disconcertingly true.
"I have responsibilities," Elsa choked. "And—and he doesn't really want me, anyway. Not enough for any long-term kind of sense. But I'm just grateful that we can still be friends, because—I'll take whatever I can get."
Realizing how pathetic and desperate her confession sounded when she said it out loud, Elsa cringed, staring down at her hands. On the long date she'd had with Prince Frederik, she had forgotten her gloves, and had spent the entire carriage ride awkwardly trying to conceal her hands beneath blankets and by sitting on them. Jack wouldn't want her to be wearing gloves. Granted, Jack probably wouldn't want her to be wearing anything.
Elsa's eyes bulged.
Now, THAT was a thought.
Mentally beating the emotions back down with a club, she gave her head a violent shake. She had to focus. She had to focus on FREDERIK.
And Arendelle.
"Elsa…" Rapunzel asked softly, "Have you tried telling Jack how you feel?"
A jolt of panic shot through her, and Elsa shook her head. "I can't do that," she choked.
"Why n—"
"—Because if I TELL him, then he'll feel like I'm PRESSURING him and he'll LEAVE!" Elsa burst out suddenly, "And after everything he's done for me, our friendship would be ruined, and everything would be over, and he'd fly away and I'd never see him again and it would be ALL MY FAULT!"
Her eyes stinging, the Fifth Spirit blinked frantically, trying to force the emotions back down. Once again, it was full-on snowing inside of the carriage.
"And—and, men hate commitment," she squeaked, her voice hardly more than a whisper, "Right? I mean, that's what I've—always heard."
As the flurries floated softly down around them, another long silence fell over the group. Princess Rapunzel pulled her lips to the side.
"I think it really depends on the man," she said softly.
"I agree," Anna added, "And—um—I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of Jack's problem."
"But I can't PRESSURE him!" Elsa stammered, "And I—I want to be useful to him, but I can't just—I'd never—and if he feels like I'm trying to push for something I want, but he doesn't, I—!"
She cut herself off, giving her head a vigorous shake. She shifted her grip on the scarf, pulling in tighter around her shoulders.
"I just don't want to mess things up," Elsa whispered.
I don't want to risk losing him.
Subtly brushing a little snow off of her skirt, Rapunzel looked to Anna. With concern in her eyes, she then turned back to her cousin.
"Elsa…" Rapunzel started again gently. "Would you like us to talk to Jack?"
The silence fell for a few long moments.
"I would like to have a talk with Jack…" Anna angrily muttered under her breath.
"I don't know if it would help," Elsa admitted. "I mean, I would really appreciate it if you'd try, but—I took an oath. I have to think of Arendelle first."
Queen Anna's eyebrows practically lifted into her hairline.
"Elsa," she said, "You really don't have t—"
"—Yes, I do."
Reaching up to tug their mother's shawl back into place as it began to slip from her shoulders, Elsa swallowed hard, clasping her hands together tightly in her lap. The thing was… she wanted to be close to Jack. As close as possible, while still—well, without crossing any lines. Everything felt better with him. And she loved Anna with all her heart, and she knew that Anna loved her, but she never felt entirely… understood. It wasn't Anna's fault, nor anyone else's, but there were some experiences so intense, and so different, that it was hard to fathom that anyone could POSSIBLY understand without having essentially experienced the same thing. And Jack Frost—in many ways—actually had.
But…
My Jack Frost obsession almost destroyed Arendelle ONCE, Elsa thought bitterly, mentally beating herself over the memories. I lost my focus. And I can't allow myself to be SELFISH like that ever again.
The Snow Queen drew herself up.
"I almost certainly can't be with Jack, anyhow," Elsa forced herself to say. "As a member of the royal family, I HAVE to seriously consider Prince Frederik as being a viable option. I took an oath. And doing what's best for the kingdom is part of my duty to Arendelle."
Taking Anna and Rapunzel's silence as an agreement, Elsa turned once again to miserably stare out the window.
.
.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the level of cringe in this chapter, everybody. Does it help if I tell you that the title of the next chapter is "Smolder?" ;)