"I don't know what to do?" Horst sighed while sitting at an outdoor bar and took a sip from his coconut drink. "If I don't stand up to those jerks then I'm not defending my wife's honor…"
"Uh-huh…sure…" the avahi bartender said absentmindedly while cleaning a glass.
"…but if I do, that just worsens our reputation? "Oh, she's a savage and her henpecked hubby is a whackadoodle", they always say." He rambled before taking another sip. "What's a guy to do?"
"I dunno? Maybe not be together with a fossa?" the bartender shrugged.
Horst sent him an annoyed glare. "What's that supposed to mean, Barry? Cuz if you're insinuating-"
Barry yelped in fear and ducked down, causing Horst to blink before growing a satisfied smirk.
"That's right. You better keep your yap shut or-hey?" his drink was yanked out of his hand and he came face to face with his wife.
"What are you doing here? And where is Keke?" Mary Ann asked.
Horst looked back at the cowering bartender. "Aww…so I didn't intimidate him?"
"Horst." Mary Anne repeated in an annoyed tone.
"Oh, yeah, yeah." Horst turned back to her and chuckled sheepishly. "Don't worry, hun. I was meaning to take her to the Cove of Wonders as I said, but we got sidetracked…" he pointed ahead "...Keke wanted to join in on the fun."
Mary Ann saw the lemur kids playing on the nearby baseball fields and Keke was standing at the home plate and readying her bat, with her prehensile tail. The former smiled fondly.
"Ah, she's making friends already, wonderful. She's becoming assimilated, but as for you..." She sent Horst a scolding glare as she threw the drink away. "No drinks for you, mister. What sort of example are you setting for Keke?"
"Example?" Horst didn't follow until it dawned on him. "Wait? What did King Julien tell you? What happened to Keke's mom-"
"She's…out of the picture, you don't want to know the gory details." Mary Ann said simply.
"I…figured as much." Horst sighed and sent the kinkajou a sympathetic look. "So I guess the kids staying with us a while longer?"
"Yes, Keke is staying with us indefinitely."
"Wait, what?" Horst said incredulously. "Indefinitely. Doesn't that mean the same thing as "forever"?"
"Probably, King Julien asked me if we could take care of her and I gladly accepted the request." Mary Ann shrugged.
"But Mary Ann…" Horst didn't know what to say to that, it happened so fast. "Isn't that…like a huge commitment?"
"So is marrying your mortal enemy and you jumped at the chance." Mary Ann reminded him with a slight smirk. "And I thought you liked the kid?"
"I do, don't get me wrong…it's just…" the flustered Horst rambled while his wife rolled her eyes. No matter the species, the male was always terrified of starting a family.
"Don't look at this like it's a bad thing, Horst. This could be our chance at a new beginning. Raising a kid would be a great way of showing our neighbors that we're as affable and civilized as anyone else-"
"Really now? And how do we know that you're not planning to put the poor kid in a cooking pot behind closed doors?"
"Oh, Frank no…" Mary Ann cringed at the familiar voice and saw a portly lemur confronting her and Horst with a suspicious glare.
"Because I'm hard-pressed to believe that King Julien would be foolish enough to leave a child in the care of a fossa, even taking his usual lapses in judgment into consideration."
"Tammy? We're you eavesdropping on us?" a peeved Horst asked.
"As a good Samaritan looking out for my fellow citizens, I'm obliged to. Someone has to keep an eye on unsavory characters who could disrupt the peace in our kingdom." Tammy said in a snotty tone while looking at her fingernails before resuming glaring at Mary Ann. "And what happened to the child's mother anyway?"
Mary Ann would have certainly been offended by the unsubtle accusation, if not for the fact that it was incredibly easy to deflect it.
Horst, meanwhile, felt his blood boiling, any reservations about having a kid were currently forgotten.
But before he could speak, Mary Ann scoffed. "Why are you asking that? We all saw what happened to her at the first aid hut. I'm sure a good Samaritan and social butterfly such as yourself would be informed on the matter?"
Flustered, Tammy growled in annoyance. Mary Ann savored the moment. Sometimes, words could rip into your enemy much more effectively than claws and fangs. But her moment of triumph was undermined by Horst's failure to understand the fine art of subtle insults.
"You said it, honey! Big far hypocrites never practice what they preach!" the blue-eyed lemur laughed, making the fossa deflate a bit.
"I have a busy schedule." Tammy insisted curtly, trying to save face. "And your refusal to answer my question ain't helping your cause, fossa."
Mary Ann tried to suppress a growl. "Well, since you're obviously uninformed, Tammy, the child is indeed an orphan and we're currently maintaining King Julien's cover story that her mother is a secret agent on a mission, so I hope you'll play along… unless you wish to cause the poor dear grief?" He replied in a passive-aggressive tone.
"Don't patronize me, you felonious fossa." Tammy's glare intensified. "Only a complete idiot would share such horrendous news with a child. Children should never, ever be told the harsh facts of reality. Otherwise, it might traumatize them and corrupt their impressionable minds."
Mary Ann rolled her eyes. Good thing Tammy was unaware of them telling Keke about Mort's most unsavory (alleged) behavior.
"Well, I'm glad that we agree on one thing, now would you mind-"
"Be that as it may…" Tammy continued, much to the couple's annoyance. She had no plans to leave. "Even if you had nothing to do with the disappearance of Kelly's mother-"
"It's Keke." Mary Ann corrected here.
"Whatever. What makes you think you and him…" he pointed at Horst, making him flinch "…are even remotely qualified to take care of a child? You're a savage lemur-eater and he's an antisocial basket with rage issues."
"Now hold on!" Horst retorted. "That's a pretty bogus accusation! Give me one recent example where I lost my temper!"
One week ago…
It was open mic night and Marty was doing stand-up at Club Moist, the 600 lb zebra barely fitting on the stage intended for lemurs. Regardless, he was on fire tonight.
"…he might be the kingdom's protector, but that cat keeps reminding me what a pain in the butt he can be… in more ways the one." He said while mooning the audience in order to show off his butt scar, and it got them hollering with laughter.
Except for Alex, who was leaning against the cavern wall and rolled his eyes, having heard that same lame joke a hundred times already. Marty simply would not let that one go.
"But hey? No friendship is perfect? As our king would say, what's a nip on the buttocks among pals?" Again, the crowd erupted with laughter.
"And speaking of folks who like chomping down on us gourmets of greenery, what's the deal with those fossa? I think we can all agree fossa are the worst, am I right?"
The audience immediately roared in agreement, except for Alex who was trying to get Marty's attention but to no avail.
"Death to the fossa!" Pancho cheered.
"You said it, they reek like roadkill, and are just as ugly. I'm talking capital U ugly, and I've met driftwood with more brains than 'em?" Marty continued. "Uh! Stop me if you heard this one before? How many fossa does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"Marty? Marty!" Alex whispered and tried to reach him.
"Doesn't matter! One of 'em will choke on it first!"
Laughter filled the cavern when Alex reached his striped friend and whispered, "Marty. Poor taste."
"What?"
"Onay ossafay okesjay. Arymay erehay." The lion pointed at one table, where Mary Ann was shrinking with shame while Horst looked pissed off.
"Ops." Mary barely realized his mistake before the blue-eyed lemur leaped onto his face and started slapping him repeatedly.
"You leave my wife out of this, you black and white bastard!" Horst roared furiously as the crowd continued laughing, while Mary Ann covered her face in even greater shame.
Back to the present…
Horst gulped. "I…eh…in my defense, I had way too much to drink that night!"
Mary Ann facepalmed while Tammy only looked even more disgusted.
"And you expect that to ease my and the public's concerns?" the latter said in disbelief.
"Look, if you have an issue with this, how about you go and pester King Julien about it?" Mary Ann suggested, knowing King Julien wouldn't be inclined to listen to Tammy.
"Permítame, Mary Ann?" the fossa felt someone tugging her paw and saw Keke looking up at her.
The kinkajou spared Tammy a quick glance. "Who's the vaca gorda?" she asked, making the plus-sized lemur arch an eyebrow.
"No importa." Keke let out an awkward laugh and gave the couple the most innocent look she could muster. "Could we go to that Cove of Wonders now, por favor?"
"Why? The Cove of Wonders won't go anywhere?" Mary Ann asked. "I thought you were in the middle of a baseball game?"
"Pfffttt…oh, that?" Keke tried to dismiss it. "Tried it, it got boring pretty quick. Now, how about-"
"Alright! Whose her-AHH!" a crowned sifaka stormed towards them with her weeping child, but yelped in fright as she saw Mary Ann.
"Oh, right…" she remembered, much to her dread. Mary Ann looked at the little lemur who was clutching his nose and then at Keke, who looked away and whistled innocently.
It didn't take a genius to put two and two together. Even Tammy could do it.
"Scandalous!" she gasped overdramatically and glowered at the odd couple. "You're already encouraging her to engage in acts of violence!"
"Hey, the estúpido started it! He's jealous that I'm better than him." Keke spoke up and folded her arms. "Said baseball was too rough for girls, so I showed him I could play rough."
She gave the young lemur a toothy grin, making sure he got a good view of her fangs, which made him whimper and hide behind his mother.
"Rebecca, I'm deeply sorry for this." Mary Ann told the sifaka. "She's new here and dealing with a lot of turmoil at the moment. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your son-"
"I sure did. I wanted to knock his lights out." Keke boasted and Mary Ann tried to shush her.
"I can't believe I'm witnessing this, Tammy." Rebecca said indignantly.
"I second that." Tammy huffed. "Such acts of delinquency are unacceptable!"
"No, I can assure you, Keke is a well-behaved child." Mary Ann insisted and pushed the kinkajou forward. "Now, Keke? Be nice and apologize to the boy. You know violence is not how you settle disputes."
Keke gave her a sour look but Mary didn't budge and silently urged her to do it.
"Fine." Keke grumbled and looked at the lemur boy. "I'm sorry, Sid. Sorry that you can't swing a bat to save your life."
The mothers widened their eyes in horror, while Horst snickered lightly.
"Keke." Mary Ann warned her and the girl mouthed silently before giving in.
"Alright. Sorry that I hit you, that wasn't nice." She said begrudgingly.
Tammy and Rebecca seemed less than pleased with her apology.
"See, she apologized." Horst tried to lighten the mood. "Forgive and forget."
"She wouldn't have to apologize if she knew how to behave." Tammy insisted while glaring at Mary Ann.
"Children make mistakes, Tammy. You shouldn't hold that against them." Mary Ann told her, upon which the portly lemur gained a smug smirk.
"Oh, I'm not blaming her for it." She told the fossa, much to the latter's chagrin, until she noticed that their argument had attracted attention, as more lemurs watched them from a save distanced and murmured among themselves.
"You got that right, Tammy." Rebecca agreed. "What's King Julien thinking leaving children in the care of these riffraff?"
Mary Ann had to calm herself by counting to ten, in order to suppress the urge to shut the two of them up by clawing their faces off. The attention from the onlookers wasn't helping, but she knew what to say to deal with their curiosity.
"Horst, Keke, let's got home." She started walking. "It's time for dinner."
No sooner did she say the d-word, the onlookers scattered. Horst happily obliged and followed, preferring anything over having to deal with Tammy and her incoming entourage of moral-outrage mothers, and so did Keke, who wondered if she was in trouble.
"You and I are having a talk." Mary Ann told her, all but confirming her suspicions, which made her scowl and drop her ears.
Once they left, Tammy and Rebecca exchanged glances.
"I just knew this would happen sooner or later." Tammy put her hands on her hips. "That insidious nonconformist and his beast of a bride are causing mayhem once more."
"I know, and this time they have an impressionable child under their influence, the horrors." Rebecca worried. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Certainly, this could be the ideal opportunity to get rid of the fossa."
"And get that girl out of her custody, right?"
"Oh, yes, yes, that too." Tammy added hastily. "That…eh…that goes without saying."
"Excuse me…out of the way…..head of security coming….MOVE!" an irate Karl pushed his way past the large crowd of citizens that had amassed in front of the curtains leading into King Julien's throne room, while also ignoring all the complaints and requests for help that were flung at him.
"Can you please find my husband?" a female black and white lemur begged him while clutching his elbow. "He went to harvest mangos this morning and never returned!"
With an indignant grunt, Karl yanked his arms free. The nerve of these ingrates, bombarding him with their first-world problems while he's working tirelessly to ensure the kingdom's safety.
"What do you take me for, madam? Search and rescue? He probably took a detour at the clubs." He dismissed her and moved the curtains. "The king and I have national security to discuss."
He sighed with relief as he closed them, the thin fabric somehow proving to be soundproof against all the noise. Karl straightened himself with unbridled pride, only to be stunned by what he saw.
"I'm telling ya, your majesty, this is a bad, bad, very bad idea! Not to mention dangerous!" Maurice argued with his king as they fought over a bottle of bleach like two kids fighting over a toy.
"But Maurice? I need to purge this unsightly memory from the kingly sights!" Julien whined desperately as he tugged the bottle towards him. "How am I supposed to continue my royal duties if I can't get a wink of sleep?"
"Pouring bleach down your ear ain't gonna work!" Maurice insisted sternly and tugged back. "It will just corrode your brain!"
"I don't know what that word means!" Julien tugged back.
"You don't wanna know!" Maurice tugged back.
"Then I'll pour it over my eyes, that should do the trick!" Julien argued when Maurice ripped the bottle out of Julien's hands and hid it behind his back.
"Nuh-uh! Now listen, I'd love to rid myself of that horrific memory too, but this ain't how ya do it. Trust me, there are better ways of getting your mind off such things."
"Like how?"
"Just think more pleasant thoughts." Maurice advised. "Like…like that surprise birthday party you're not supposed to know 'bout?"
Julien perked up a bit and tapped his chin. "Well…yeah? Thinking about that would be a lot more pleasant to the royal brain than…."
He shuddered and clutched his head. "Ah! Maurice! You made me think about it again!"
Smirking smarmily, Karl made his presence known. "Not to worry, King Julien. I have just the thing to distract you from that necro nightmare."
"Karl, you better be having a plan to get rid of the silly penguins." Julien grumbled while rubbing his templates. "Otherwise, I really don't want to hear any more bad news."
"Then I shall not disappoint you. Proving once more that I'm an invaluable ally, I've expertly managed to extract all the necessary intel from that Private fellow." Karl announced, much to the king's delight.
"Except for the part where Kowalski caught us red-handed and swiped the book." Maurice muttered. "That might cause some problems?"
"Minor inconvenience." Karl waved his paw dismissively before tapping his temple. "Luckily, I happen to have a photographic memory!"
"You mean you have a camera in your brainy bits?" a bemused Julien asked. "Are you like a cyborg?"
Maurice gave the fanaloka an "Are you for real?" look and Karl rolled his eyes.
"Fine, I may have embellished that claim a bit, but I did make sure to memorize "Dr. Blowhole's" profile down to the last detail. Such a unique mélange of villainous flair and idiosyncrasies is hard to forget, and this intel will help us cleanse our kingdom of the penguin problem."
"Oi. You got me there." Maurice shrugged. What he read was indeed hard to forget. Then again, a squad of lunatics like the penguins was anything but forgettable.
"You have?" Julien grew giddy. "Oh, that's great news. Very great news! When will the pesky penguins be leaving?"
"And how do ya plan to accomplish that?" Maurice inquired.
"Simple. Behold." Karl unrolled the blueprint. "We'll build a manually controlled, artificial stimulation of the penguins' alleged nemesis, which we'll then use to send the meddling avians on a wild goose chase." He finished with a wicked chuckle. "Or should I say "wild dolphin chase"?"
"Oh, just like my Franken Sage! That's brilliant! They'll never know the difference!" Julien was all for it and pressed his fingers together deviously. "That way, I could be sending those snooping seabirds all the way back to that Antarctica! Let the ants deal with their craziness!"
Maurice's brow fell. "King Julien? Need I remind ya that Franken Sage had a few… malfunctions, like when he blew up?" He said dryly.
"Ease your concerns, Maurice." Karl smirked at him. "Doctor S won't be allowed anywhere near this project, only Timo and me. No dynamite will be involved in its construction."
"Good." Said a relieved Maurice. "That way this crazy scheme might jus' be crazy enough to work?"
"Well, Maurice, I'm happy to be seeing you embracing the benefits of crazy schemes." Julien smiled with satisfaction before turning to the fanaloka.
"And Karl, you and Timo have the royal greenlight to start building your Franken Dolphin at the earliest convenience. The sooner we rid ourselves of those silly penguins, the less likely we'll have to answer for our morally questionable actions."
"Oh, it will be my pleasure, King Julien." Karl chuckled with delight as he rolled up the blueprint. "Playing that conceited cretin Kowalski like a fiddle will be very rewarding."
"And speaking of fiddles? Maurice?" Julien grinned at his advisor. "You did hire the best violinists in the kingdom to stay at the hotel, as I requested? My parents love classical music while drinking their morning tea. It's the least I can do for them planning my surprise birthday party that I'm not supposed to know about."
Maurice and Karl grew uneasy and exchanged glances
"You want to try?" Karl asked the aye-aye.
Gulping, Maurice took a step forward.
"Sure I did, but…um…your majesty? 'bout that?" he shuffled. "Are you absolutely sure that…y'know, they've come here for the reasons you assume they've come here?"
Julien blinked before laughing at the absurdity of the question. "Of course they did, you silly. Why else would they come here?"
"To leach off your riches and generosity?" Karl said flatly.
"I'm jus' saying?" Maurice rubbed the back of his head. "They aren't always the most considerate of lemurs? They can be… forgetful?"
"To put it mildly…" Karl agreed. "Take it from someone who knows. I saved myself a lot of heartache once I accepted that I was a mere blip on my parents' radar."
Julien sported a frozen smile and his right eye twitched ever so slightly before he dismissed the two again with a hearty chuckle.
"Nonsense, guys. Why would they come to visit me a week before my birthday if they weren't planning a big surprise for their only son? You don't really buy that monsoon bunk?"
"But the monsoon is real, it's what sank the ship carrying the kinkajou and her taxidermied mother." Karl pointed out, which once more made Julien twitch uneasily.
Maurice fiddled with his fingers, trying to think of a convincing answer while also trying to spare Julien's feelings.
"I dunno? You did such a phenomenal job pretending that you forgot 'bout your own birthday, maybe it worked too well?"
"Why, duh." Julien chuckled, trying to suppress any doubts forming in his royal brain. "I've got all my peoples fooled. But mom and Big Pappa know by heart."
Maurice drew a breath but Julien stopped him.
"As a matter of fact, I shall pay them a visit right now." He walked past Maurice and Karl, utterly convinced that he was right. "To prove to you doubting doubters that they are indeed planning my surprise birthday party that I'm not supposed to know about, without letting them know that I know, of course. Recent events have made me more appreciative of the fact that the people who gave life to me aren't corpsy adornments."
Maurice sighed and lowered his ears while Karl just shook his head.
"Denial is a cruel mistress…" he thought.
"Huh, that's odd?" Julien suddenly stopped and pondered.
"What's odd?" Maurice asked.
"This." Julien lifted and gestured at his foot. "It's been like four hours and that misshaped hangnail hasn't come back to glomp the royal feet."
Maurice and Karl realized the peculiarity and looked around, expecting Mort to pop up at any moment.
"This is most unusual? Where is that pint-sized pest?" Karl wondered.
"Crikey, I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee that." a shell-shocked Private continued rambling to himself as he followed Kowalski down a path cutting through the dense jungle. The taller penguin was leading the way and inspecting the ground with a magnifying glass.
"Take it from a veteran like Skipper, Private." Kowalski told him. "He has seen many gruesome sights over the years and the advice he always gave me was; just don't think about it."
"Easier said than done." Private sniffed. "Poor Keke. Imagine losing your mother at such a young age? It's unthinkable!"
"Yes, it's quite unfortunate. Which is why it's for the better to spare her the trauma until she's emotionally ready for it, or at least until we depart from the island and leave the lemurs to bear the bad news." Kowalski said matter-of-factly, in a misguided attempt to get Private's mind off Keke's plight, though Kowalski took no pleasure in it. Being an orphan trumped any stern talking to he could have given her.
"That just makes it worse." Private sighed sadly. "King Julien was abandoned by his parents when he was little. He must feel Keke's pain on a personal level?"
Kowalski stopped and looked at him. "And how, pray tell, did you inquire that?"
Private shrugged. "I just talked with the locals?"
Kowalski groaned and rubbed his forehead before pointing his magnifying glass at the rookie. "Alright, new rule! From this moment forth, you shall not engage in any idle chitchat with the natives."
"But why?"
"Because we cannot risk you spilling any further intel about our operation." Kowalski said sternly. "You already revealed far too much to Julien's cronies, even though it's blindingly obvious that they are very shady characters, especially that fanaloka."
Private scowled a bit. "Shady characters? Last time we talked, you and Skipper insisted that they were, and I quote, "backwater twits doomed to exterminate themselves"?"
"Indeed, but Karl and Maurice have planted seeds of doubt in my mind, especially Karl. Everything about him screams…if you'll pardon the expression, "mustache-twirling villain"." Kowalski explained and pulled out a notepad, which he looked over.
"I've extrapolated a few theories. Paranoid scenario number one, Karl is a textbook evil chancellor who is manipulating the simple-minded king like a puppet in order to uphold power in the kingdom. Paranoid scenario number two, King Julien himself is just pretending to be a simpleton to throw off suspicion and-"
"Well, actually…it's…or was a mixture of the two." Private rubbed the back of his neck. "I hear Karl was a former villain who mistook King Julien for a genius and tried to destroy him in order to be declared the greatest mind in Madagascar but then the two made up after Julien learned that Karl was just lonely and needed a hug?"
"And lemme guess? You inquired that from the locals as well?" Kowalski said wryly, upon which Private nodded.
"Private, Private…" Kowalski shook his head and got ready to lecture the rookie yet again when a certain mouse lemur arrived on the scene.
"Hello, silly penguins!" the two saw Mort skipping along the trail and waving at them before chanting, "La la la la la la."
"Oh, top of the morning, little guy!" Private waved back before growing a concerned look. "Wait? What are you doing out here all alone?"
"I'm just playing. Hope nothing bad happens to me." Mort said in an innocent tone.
"I don't mean to be a busybody but where are your parents?" Private called out to him as the little lemur became a speck on the horizon.
"I can't hear you!" Mort continued in a sing-song voice.
"Oh, dear?" Private winced and turned to his superior. "Kowalski? Don't you think we should help the kid? Escort him back home?"
"No, Private." Kowalski replied as he wrote down notes. "Our prime objective is to locate our mortal enemy, we do not disrupt the locals' daily activities, as primitive as they may be. Unless they are in mortal-"
"Help! Help!" they suddenly heard Mort crying in the distance, making Kowalski drop his notepad.
"Help! I'm being attacked by scary lobsters!"
"Egad! It's Blowhole's minions!" Kowalski exclaimed. "They've taken to kidnapping civilians! The humanity!"
"Don't worry, kid! We're coming!" Private belly-slid into action but Kowalski saw that he was heading towards a pile of palm leaves that were partially covered up by dirt.
"NO! Wait!" he rushed after the youngster and managed to grab his flipper as the latter fell down a pit trap.
Private let out a yelp as he saw the sharp spikes below him, some of them having lemur skulls skewed on them, along with mambas and scorpions crawling along the bottom.
"You impulsive ignoramus!" Kowalski scolded Private as he pulled him up. "This route is booby-trapped!"
Hiding in the thicket, Mort chuckled wickedly as he pulled on a rope and the penguins saw a baobab tree falling towards them. They performed a commando roll and avoided being crushed by a hair.
"Drat!" Mort cursed, grabbed his leaf-megaphone, and ran off.
"Damn, we're under attack!" Kowalski tried to hide his panic. "Remain calm, Private!"
"Help! Help! I'm still needing help!" Mort shouted through his megaphone.
"The kid!" Private exclaimed.
"We gotta save him, and ourselves! Commence evasive maneuvering!" Kowalski exclaimed and they barreled onward.
Chuckling, Mort pulled another rope and a barrage of arrows, tipped with mamba venom, flew towards the penguins but they expertly dodged every single one. One arrow bounced off a rock and wound up hitting Mort in the abdomen, knocking him off his vantage point.
Luckily, being 4% mamba left him immune to their venom, so Mort just pulled the arrow out, growled, and grabbed a remote.
"There's more where that came from!"
Kowalski narrowed his eyes. "Minefield ahead!"
Pressing the big red bottom repeatedly, Mort was left dumbstruck as the penguins seamlessly belly-slid past every single mine in perfect synch before it blew up.
"How?! They have eyes like hawks!" the mouse lemur ranted and chased after the penguins, failing to remember that he hadn't detonated every single mine until he found out the hard way.
BOOM!
"What was that?" Private asked worriedly as he looked back.
"Forget it! Focus on what's ahead!" Kowalski barked.
Now a smoldering heap, Mort dragged himself towards a flamethrower that was leaning on a boulder and pulled the trigger, but the penguins saw it and working together, kicked up a log to shield themselves from the incoming flames.
Mort was livid as he saw them dodging two swinging axes, leaping over an opening hatch housing a pool of piranhas, and jumping on a rolling boulder, balancing themselves on top of it before jumping down and resuming running.
"Oh, come on!" Mort was so angry, that he failed to see the boulder rolling up a ramp-like cliff and being sent back towards him until he was flattened like a pancake.
"Oi…" he mumbled as he popped back into shape.
"Where are you, little boy! Give us a sign!" he heard Private shouting.
Jolting, Mort hastily ran further into the jungle. He was running out of traps to spring on the penguins.
"Help! They're…eh…dragging me to their submarine!" Mort shouted through his megaphone and threw it away as he jumped atop a cage and opened it, releasing a vicious Nile monitor.
"Go! Go and feast, my pretty!" Mort cackled as the hissing and drooling reptile rushed into the jungle while he jumped off the cage and scaled up a palm tree.
His eyes widened and he grew an excited smile as he saw the giant lizard zeroing in on an oblivious Private, flicking its tongue and savoring the penguin's smell.
But just as the lizard was about to lunge at Private, improv bolas, made from vines and rocks, came flying and wrapped themselves around its gaping jaws, closing them shut. Private turned around with a triumphant smirk, yielding a pair of bolas in each flipper, and flung them at the beast, tying up its front and back legs, causing it to crash to the ground.
"Hah! An attack goanna!" Kowalski scoffed from atop of a boulder. "They're getting desperate! We got them now!"
"Nothing personal, mate." Private gave an apologetic pat on the struggling reptile's head before running after Kowalski.
"How many stones do ya gotta throw to kill two birdies!" Mort lamented incredulously as he held up a grenade and threw it at the unsuspecting penguins.
But Kowalski saw it coming and yelled, "Stand back, Private!", before doing a spin-kick and returning the grenade to where it came from.
"Oh, poopy…" Mort deflated in defeat as he saw the grenade heading towards him and it exploded.
Coughing, a blackened Mort hit the ground with a thud before getting buried by a bunch of charred palm leaves. Pulling himself out of the pile, the mouse lemur stumbled away in a daze, mumbling unintelligibly.
The penguins, meanwhile, reached the beach. "There's the ocean!" Private exclaimed.
"But I see no submarine!" Kowalski looked through his binoculars.
"Oh, no! We're too late!" Private whimpered. "So young! So full of life! So-"
They heard rustling and adopted fighting stances while flanking each other.
"Ughh…my bottom smells crispy?" Mort mumbled as he stumbled out of the palmettos and collapsed in front of them, coughing up some smoke.
"You're okay!" Private beamed with joy and pulled the battered Mort into a hug. "We thought we lost you!"
"Yeah…eh, they left me behind…" Mort croaked, trying to save face. "They…they were so scared of you, they ran off."
"Figures. But where did your assailants go!" Kowalski inquired sharply while holding up a pen and notepad. "Give us every single detail!"
"Eh…I dunno?" Mort shrank nervously. "I…I was blindfolded the whole time?"
Kowalski blinked before narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "But you cried that they were taking you to a submarine?"
Mort swallowed a lump. "I…I heard them say it?"
"Take it easy, Kowalski." Private told the tall penguin. "This poor child's just been through a harrowing experience. He needs time to collect himself."
"I'm not a child! I'm an adult!" Mort ranted indignantly and squirmed in the penguin's grip. "I'm so old even I don't know how old I am!"
"Oh, sure you are." Private cooed cloyingly. "You were so brave."
"But he's of no use in this state." an exasperated Kowalski threw his pen and notepad away. "We're back to square one! Confound those conniving crustaceans!"
"It wasn't for naught." Private tried to cheer him up and held up Mort. "We managed to save this adorable little scamp."
Kowalski gave him an unamused look. "I hate to be a killjoy, Private, but saving one measly Microcebus lehilahytsara won't get us any closer to bringing that accursed Dr. Blowhole to justice."
"But every good deed counts." Private reminded him before turning back to the mouse lemur. "What's your name, little fella?"
"That's none of your business!" Mort said defensively. "I'm not singing!"
"Swell, another spoiled brat with no respect for authority." Kowalski snarked. "Let's bring him back to his parents."
"I'll keep you safe." Private assured Mort and gave him a piggyback ride while following Kowalski.
Mort huffed and crossed his little arms. "Booby traps didn't work." He thought. "Maybe I should try a more…subtle approach?"
Goddamit, I cannot believe that it's been nearly 3 months since my last update. I could have finished a large chunk of this story in that time but alas, I fell victim to writer's block and it just wouldn't go away, and it was beyond frustrating. Hopefully, it will finally fade away and I can resume a somewhat more consistent schedule.