Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 22
Comet Kermillian
"Isn't today great?" Candace asked. "It's so great!"
"Candace, what's got you in such a good mood?" Linda asked.
"Jeremy asked me to play croquet with him in the park."
"Well, be sure to be home in time for the barbecue," said Lawrence. "We're gonna watch Kermillian's comet fly past the earth."
"A comet?" Phineas reacted. "Cool."
"It only comes around every 73 years. We'll be barbecuing steaks for the whole neighborhood."
"Be sure to bring Jeremy," Linda teased.
"You had me at Jeremy," Candace said before blushing brightly. "I mean steaks! You had me at steaks!"
"Why's it called Kermillian's Comet?" Phineas asked.
"It was named after an ancient Danville astronomer, Augustus Kermillian," Lawrence explained. "It's been said that if you wish on a comet, your wish will come true."
"Wow, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today," said Phineas.
"By the way, where is Perry?" Lawrence wondered.
"Agent P, sorry to disturb you," Monogram told Perry through the family TV. "But we have an emergency. We've just been informed that all the steaks in the Tri-State Area have disappeared. This has Doofenshmirtz written all over it. Give him the smackdown, Agent P. The fate of the world rests entirely in your hands."
Right as Perry went out, Lawrence came in. He overheard the 'fate of the world' statement.
"The fate of the world?" he asked.
Monogram quickly came up with a cover.
"Uh, welcome to our telethon," he said. "If you're joining us, your dollars are helping us find a cure for… antidisestablishmentarianism."
"Goodness me, that sounds dreadful," Lawrence said as he sat down.
"Oh, it is. It makes you look pale and weak like this young lad." Monogram pulled Carl into the camera view.
"Poor thing, look at that." Lawrence quickly realized something. "Wait a minute. Antidisestablishmentarianism? That's more of an ideological stance than a disease."
"Well look at that." Monogram pushed Carl away. "Seems they just found a cure. Thanks to all the viewers who donated. Bye, now."
The screen went static. That's when Linda arrived.
"Honey, you ready to go?" she asked.
"Yes," Lawrence replied. "Did you know they found a cure for antidisestablishmentarianism?"
"Great. I can finally take off this puce ribbon."
Candace made it to the park. She saw Jeremy waving at her.
"Hey, Candace," he greeted. "You remember my little sister, Suzy?"
Suzy appeared from behind Jeremy. She stared at Candace with an evil grin.
"I thought it was just gonna be us," said Candace
"Well, my folks told me to keep an eye on Suzy for the afternoon," Jeremy explained. "Who's my favorite girl?"
"I am, I am!" Suzy cheered. "Would you show me how to play croquet?"
"Sure thing."
Candace noticed a pie on the picnic basket and picked it up.
"Is this homemade?" she asked.
"It is," Jeremy replied. "My mom made it. I'll get some plates and napkins."
"Well, tell her that it's just…"
Before Candace could finish, Suzy hit the ball with her croquet stick, hitting the pie and causing it to hit Candace in the face.
"So, we meet again, Candace Flynn," she said menacingly. "There's only room for one girl in Jeremy's life, and that's me. Oh, and here he comes now."
Jeremy arrived and saw the mess Candace was in.
"Candace, what happened?" he asked. "Here's a napkin."
"I don't know what happened," Candace quickly lied.
"That's fine. Want a soda?"
"Yeah, that'd be great."
Right as Jeremy turned around, Candace felt herself get sprayed by soda. Once the spraying stopped, she opened her eyes to see it was Suzy's doing.
"Candace, there are some street performers over there that…" Jeremy was about to say before noticing what happened to Candace. "I'll get another napkin."
"These are some great blueprints for our giant observatory, Ferb," Phineas said. "First thing we need is a lens."
They managed to get a lens by taking a giant pair of glasses from the roof of a glasses store.
After that, the boys tested a laser cannon in the observatory. The beam reflected off of the walls until it got a strand of Phineas' hair.
"Cool, new hairdo," he said.
It took a bit longer than usual, but the boys finished building the observatory.
"Hey, Phineas," came Isabella. "Whatcha doin?"
"Ferb and I are building a giant observatory to watch Kermillian's Comet tonight," Phineas replied.
"Sounds like fun."
"We're gonna put on a laser light show, and as a grand finale, we're gonna laser our faces into the comet, that way when it comes back in 73 years, we can all show our grandchildren. Oh, and my parents are cooking steaks for everyone."
"You had me at our grandchildren."
"What?"
"I mean steaks! You had me at steaks!"
Linda and Lawrence headed to the butcher shop. They saw a sign that read, 'WE HAVE NO STEAKS'.
"No steaks?" Linda reacted. "Let's try uptown."
Candace, Jeremy, and Suzy were walking around the park after a game of croquet.
"Want to see those street performers?" Jeremy asked.
"Sure," Candace replied.
"I'm gonna grab some snacks. I'll meet you over there."
"Okay. Come on, Suzy." Candace realized Suzy was missing. "Suzy?"
Elsewhere, an elderly lady was feeding some squirrels. That's when Suzy approached her.
"Hello," she greeted. "Could I have some nuts to feed the squirrels?"
"I'd love to, but I only have one left."
"That's fine." Suzy made a mischievous smile. "I only need one."
The woman was terrified seeing Suzy smile like that. She gave her the nut.
Suzy gladly took the nut and walked away.
She found Candace looking for her. She quickly showed the nut to some nearby squirrels, then used her croquet stick to send the nut into Candace's pants. The squirrels followed the nut.
The squirrels fought for the nut inside Candace's pants. It was the most unpleasant experience for Candace. She rolled around and screamed in pain.
Play "S-I-M-P"
Nearby, some street performers were starting a song.
Now somebody, anybody, everybody scream
Candace screamed louder than she ever screamed before.
"There are squirrels in my pants!" she cried.
To everyone in the area, they saw Candace's moves as just a unique dance.
"That girl has some serious squirrels in her pants," one performer said, assuming the statement was a metaphor.
Tell me what's makin' you jump like that
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
Ain't got no chickens, ain't got no rats
S-I-M-P
, squirrels in my pants!
S to the I to the M to the P
Then maybe you can be moving like me
Step right over and watch me put it down.
S to the I to the M to the P
Step right over and watch me put it
S to the I to M to the P
Jeremy started dancing along. Others followed not long after.
Who you got back and watering your plants?
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
How can I qualify for government grants?
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
Hypnotize me, put me in a trance
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
Got an Aunt Florence living in France
She can't see the squirrels in her pants
Step right over and watch me put it down
S to the I to the M to the P
Step right over and watch me put it
S to the I to M to the P
By this point, the squirrels managed to find their way out of Candace's pants. She didn't realize this, and she still danced around like they were still there.
If you wanna know how I'm doin' this dance
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
There's somethin' in my trousers, you know it ain't ants
S-I-M-P, squirrels in my pants
Yeah, proletariat and bourgeoisie
Baby, you don't need an academic degree
Everybody's smellin' my pot-pourri
S to the I to the M to the P
Step right over and watch me put it down
Squirrels, squirrels (S to the I to the M to the P)
Step right over and watch me put it
Down, down on the ground
'Cause you know I got it goin' on
S to the I to the M to the P
S to the I to the M to the P
If your pockets are empty get a cash advance
S to the I to the M to the P
S to the I to the M to the P
If you're losin' your hair, get yourself implants
If you're wrestlin' a bear, then you ain't got a chance
Old Uncle Freddy just rages and rants
Ain't about love, ain't about romance
I got squirrels in my pants
End "S-I-M-P"
It was right after the song ended that one of the performers realized, "Wait a minute. She had actual squirrels in her pants."
"We just got served," said the other performer.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
"One second please," Doof said before answering the door.
He was wearing a purple and orange bathrobe, as well as glasses with steak lenses.
"What are you looking at?" Doof asked as if nothing was amiss. "Oh, wait, these? These are my latest invention, steak specs. I came up with the idea after your constant visits."
He took off his specs to reveal that his eyes had been getting swollen because he was constantly kicked in them.
"With these on, you don't have to constantly hold a steak to your black eyes," he explained. "I plan on mass-producing these. I'll make millions! Let me show you."
Doof led Perry inside, revealing a large steak containment unit.
"I've stolen all the steaks in the Tri-State Area and I keep them here in my Steak Containment Unit, or SCU for short," he explained before noticing Perry wander off. "Wait, what are you doing?"
Perry removed a tarp to reveal something much bigger than steak-lensed glasses.
"That's just a heat ray in case I want to do something later," he said.
Back at the park, Jeremy noticed an ice cream cart nearby.
"Why don't you stay with Suzy while I buy some ice cream?" he suggested.
Remembering what happened earlier, Candace wasn't gonna take her chances.
"No, you stay with Suzy, I'll buy ice cream," she said.
Unfortunately for Candace, Suzy was expecting that.
When the time was right, Suzy hit the croquet ball once more. Candace stepped on it, slipped, and fell into the cart.
The cart slid down a set of stairs, passed the street performers from earlier, onto a mime, then onto a tree. To make matters worse, the squirrels fell from the tree and crawled right into Candace's pants.
Candace would never learn how she made it out of there alive, but she did, and with a fudgie bar no less. She managed to walk all the way back to Jeremy.
"Here you go," Candace said. "All they had was fudgie bars."
"Candace, what happened?" Jeremy asked.
"There were so many of them. The horror."
"Maybe you should sit down. Now, tell me what happened again."
"I know something that'll make you feel better," said Suzy. "Say hello to Mr. Chipping."
Suzy showed a squirrel that she managed to capture. Candace screamed and tried to back away.
"Get that thing away from me!" she demanded.
"Candace, it's just a squirrel," Jeremy assured.
"That's not the one I'm talking about!" Candace ran away.
This left Jeremy confused and concerned. "What happened to her?"
"I don't know, but these violent moods are probably a sign of deeper emotional imbalance," said Suzy.
"What?" Jeremy asked.
"Ha, bubble!"
"Ladies and gentlemen," Phineas announced to a crowd of kids, including Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and Django. "Welcome to the Ob-Ferb-atory! Step this way, please. Single file line. The laser show will begin momentarily. Please, no flash photography." Once everyone was inside, Phineas contacted Ferb. "Alright, Ferb. That's everyone. Kill the lights."
In the amphitheater, the lights cut out, and a large screen turned on, depicting outer space.
"Space, it's really big," Phineas said on a speaker. "It's filled with planets of all shapes and sizes, and millions of shiny stars. It also has many comets flying through it, including one named after the ancient Danville astronomer, Kermillian."
Phineas was lowered onto the stage via a rope controlled by Ferb. Django noticed where Ferb was controlling the rope. He couldn't help but find it cute.
Wait, what am I thinking? he thought to himself. Do I…
Outside, Candace returned home to see the large dome.
"What's going on?" she asked herself before realizing exactly what was going on. "Phineas, Ferb!"
"And now, behold…" Phineas said. "Kermillian's Comet!"
The roof opened to reveal the comet. The screen zoomed in so the kids could get a better look.
Ferb pushed a button. A laser fired from the observatory. It carved the boys' faces onto the comet.
That's when Candace came in.
"Phineas, you guys put your face on a comet?" she asked. "I'm telling Mom."
"Good idea, Candace," Phineas said sarcastically. "She's definitely gonna hate it."
Doof noticed Perry typing on his computer.
"You're not trying to hack into the ray-gun system, are you?" he asked. "What am I worried about? You'll never guess my secret password."
"Doofalicious, access granted," said the computer.
"Okay, that's enough," Doof said as he tried to take the computer.
Perry was faster, though. He grabbed Doof's hands and flipped him over.
"System overload," the computer said.
The inator fired lasers everywhere. Doof quickly started running to avoid the beams.
The observatory got hit with multiple lasers. The place shook. The kids thought it was all part of the show.
"Ferb, easy on the lasers!" Phineas yelled. "We still have an 8:30 show!"
Phineas finally felt the shaking. He realized this was something else.
"Can I have everyone's attention?" he said to the crowd. "Please don't panic. We're experiencing technical difficulties. Please head to the nearest exit in a calm, orderly…" Phineas almost got crushed by a giant piece of debris. "Okay, now you can panic."
The kids all hurried to the exit.
Once they all made it out, they noticed one giant laser hit the observatory.
"Ferb, what's happening?" Phineas asked. The observatory exploded. "That was… so cool!"
The kids cheered.
Another one of the inator's lasers hit the SCU.
Perry put on his jetpack and flew away.
"Hey, get back here, Perry the Platypus!" Doof demanded before getting distracted by the smell of steak. "Ooh, something smells delicious."
The SCU exploded, sending steak flying everywhere.
"Curse you, Perry the Platypus," Doof muttered.
Linda and Lawrence returned home, frustrated.
"I can't believe there wasn't a single steak," Linda said.
"Mom, Dad, Phineas and Ferb carved their faces on a comet!" Candace shouted.
Linda and Lawrence looked up at the comet. They couldn't see any faces from where they were at.
"Candace, I don't see any faces," said Lawrence.
"You can only see it from the observatory!" Candace explained as she opened the gate. There was no observatory. "B-b-but."
"I'm sorry, kids," said Linda. "We searched the entire town but couldn't find a single steak."
"Ah," the kids whined.
"I even brought my own plate," said Buford.
"At least we can enjoy Kermillian's Comet together," said Lawrence.
"Yeah, before it disappears for another 73 years," Phineas added.
"Well then, when I'm eighty-eight, you two are busted," said Candace.
"Well, honey, make a wish," Lawrence told Linda.
"I wish we had steak," Linda said.
"Me too," Buford added.
Right after he said that, some steak fell onto his plate.
"I didn't think that would work," Linda admitted.
That's when Jeremy showed up.
"Candace, you okay?" he asked.
Candace smiled and blushed.
"You came to check on me?" she asked.
"Of course," Jeremy replied, blushing a bit. "So, that's Kermillian's Comet. Did you make a wish?"
"Yes." Candace took Jeremy's hand.
"And did it come true?"
"It just did."
Suzy tried to hit Candace with the croquet ball again. This time, though, her efforts were in vain. She got covered in multiple steaks.
Thanks for reading.