Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
Well, it's not a very happy one for me. I was looking through the review sections of fics on my favorites list to see if any new reviews have popped up on any of them.
Well, in one particular fic, "The Owl and the Frog" by Championelcid, I came across a few guest reviews that addressed me specifically (apparently they were made TWO WEEKS AGO and I only found out now).
So, for context, back in December, when Champion posted his last chapter, I made a review of it, as one does. Some of the things I said were me admitting that I relate to Luz's struggles in that fic because of my own worries about the future, mainly with Trump and all that, telling Champion not to rush himself and to take all the time he needs, and apologizing for some drama Champion got into with Cowboy Alchemist, specifically his toxic fans.
So, these guests, or possibly one guest just spamming me, got upset that I decided to bring up politics, accused me of demonizing people for having opinions I don't agree with, and accused me of "obsessing over and rushing Champion" because I made frequent reviews on his story (even though so many others also do that like AstroEvada (who also made a WHOLE VIDEO giving the first arc of the fic a perfect 10/10), R-Doll, and CMR Rosa, yet I don't see THEM being attacked for it (before you get the wrong idea, this isn't me saying I want them to be attacked, I'm saying that these guests are hypocrites for getting on my case for praising a fic and not giving other people the same flack when they clearly did the same)).
I already made a comment on Champion's fic replying to these little pricks, but that's not gonna do it for me. Like, I can't tell you how frustrated I am right now. I need to get it all off my chest. Feel free to skip this note if you don't want to see me angry.
Like, are people really just THIS upset about Trump winning that they don't want anyone talking about it?! Yes, maybe Trump won't end the world, but have these guys heard about the ICE stuff happening in Chicago? Minorities and LGBTQ people are in danger right now, so yeah, I have every right to be worried about what Trump's gonna do next!
And are people really THAT stupid that they're gonna twist things I say to make it sound like I said THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ACTUALLY DID SAY?! I never asked Champion when he'll post the next chapter. I was telling him to take his time with it. Idiots, I tell you.
I'll give these guests the benefit of the doubt for not knowing Cowboy Alchemist (if they're telling the truth), but when you think about it, his stories aren't as amazing as some people make them out to be. At best, they're all just mid. I mean, the main reason why people praise his stories is because he creates three-dimensional OCs with their own personalities, backstories, flaws, and growth. Well, Champion is one of few people that are able to see the flaws of the stories. All he did was call out everything wrong with the story, yet the fans acted like he demanded Cowboy Alchemist wipe himself from the face of the earth, which CA himself pointed out was not the case. This isn't me demonizing people for disagreeing with me. I was calling out other people for doing JUST THAT!
Now I'm starting to hear the hate comments, people saying I'm a hypocrite for calling out those who think CA's fics are perfect when I say the same thing about Champion's fic, or they'll use the edits I made to the Cowboy Alchemist TV Tropes pages to invalidate everything I just said. I won't deny that I used to be as toxic as Cowboy Alchemist's fans regarding reacting to other people criticizing stories I like, and I was a hypocrite for bashing his OCs' tempers when I have a temper as well, but I've grown past that now, so I deny those accusations.
And to Championelcid, if you are reading this, if me reviewing your stories every time you update is really bothering you, please tell me, and I'll stop doing it.
Sorry about this long note, but I felt that it needed to be said.
Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 61
My Fair Goalie
Phineas and Ferb were sitting under the tree in the backyard.
"So, Ferb, your cousins from England are here, visiting," Phineas informed.
Ferb nodded, assuming it was a question.
"No, I mean your cousins are here, visiting," Phineas clarified.
Ferb turned around and realized Phineas was right. His relatives were all right there.
Linda and Lawrence were there too.
"Look, boys, your cousins from England are visiting," said Lawrence. "They're here to see the exhibition football match between Danville and their beloved Sniffleton Nostrils."
"Oh, nose goals!" the cousins cheered as they stuck their fingers up their noses.
Lawrence turned to his brother, Adrian. "So the Nostrils are here in the States?"
"Yes," Adrian replied. "Their plane just landed and they're probably already on the bus as we speak."
That was exactly what was happening. The Nostrils were on the bus.
"Fabulous," Lawrence said before turning to Phineas. "Phineas, this is Uncle Adrian, AD for short, Aunt Lucy, and their kids, youngest to oldest, Beckham, Pele, Lewis, Lynn, Clint, Ricky and Eliza."
"Hi guys," Phineas greeted.
"Good heavens, Ferb," AD said, hugging Ferb. "What a fine young man you've grown into." He then shook Phineas' head. "Good to know you, Phineas. I hear about you all the time."
"So you've been reading my newsletter?" asked Lawrence.
"Oh, heavens no. I read Ferb's blog."
"Well, at least you've learned to read."
"Ouch."
"Why don't we go inside and continue our good-natured sibling rivalry there?"
"Yes, that way you won't be humiliated in front of the children."
"Oh, sibling rivalry is so attractive," Linda said.
"AD has such a healthy competitive spirit," Lucy added.
Linda turned to Eliza. "Eliza, why don't you come along? Candace is probably up in her room."
Eliza followed the parents into the house.
"So, cousin Ferb," said Beckham. "You've lived in America longer than you've lived in England."
"You haven't gone yank on us, have you?" asked Lynn.
"Oh, don't worry, guys," Phineas assured. "Ferb's as British as ever."
That's when Isabella came in.
"Hey guys," she greeted. "Whatcha doin?"
"Oh, hi Isabella," Phineas smiled and blushed.
Django came in not long after.
"Hey everyone," he said. "I was just cleaning my room and I figured I'd return some of the things Ferb lent me."
He took the things out of the bag. They were a cowboy hat, a baseball mitt, banjo CDs, an American flag unitard, and a bald eagle that just flew away.
"Oh yes, very British," Pele sarcastically remarked.
Buford and Baljeet came in right after. The former was carrying the latter in his arms.
"What's going on here?" Buford asked.
"Ferb's cousins think that Ferb lost his Britishness," Phineas explained.
"Wait, Ferb's British?"
"Apparently not," Lewis replied. "I bet he doesn't even play football anymore."
He brought out a soccer ball.
"That's actually a soccer ball," Buford corrected. "This is a football."
He showed an American football.
Ferb tried to speak up, but Phineas stepped in first. "Actually, Ferb loves soccer more than anyone. He actually got us into it. We've all gotten pretty good if I do say so myself, but Ferb is the real master."
"Yeah," Isabella added. "Once, I saw Ferb play soccer with a pumpkin, and he didn't even break it. To this day, his motivation for doing so remains shrouded in mystery."
For a good few seconds, all the cousins were speechless.
"Well, if you're such cracking footballers, we challenge you and your friends to a match," Beckham eventually said, kicking the ball towards Ferb. "So what do you say? Playground rules?"
"How about Football X-7 rules?" Phineas suggested, not noticing the dread on Ferb's face.
All the cousins gasped.
"Football X-7?" Beckham repeated. "But that's only theoretical!"
"Only for another couple hours," Phineas argued.
"Don't say it," Ferb muttered.
But Phineas ignored him. "Because I know what we're gonna do today. Hey, maybe Perry wants to be on our team?"
Phineas turned to where Perry should've been, only to see a marking of him in the grass.
"Who's Perry?" asked Beckham.
Perry was already in his lair. On screen, Monogram was covered in a blanket, and his nose was red.
"Sorry, Agent P," he said in a dry voice. "I'm a little under the weather today. First, I was convinced it was Carl's doing, you know the whole knee-jerk blame Carl thing, but then we received this this morning."
He played an audio recording from Doofenshmirtz.
"Hello, Major Monogram," Doof said in the recording. "This is Heinz. It's 7:45 and I'm really sick today, so I won't be able to do evil today. Anyway…"
Doof started coughing, and the recording ended.
"Can you believe this?" asked Monogram. "He had the nerve to call in sick! I'm here, Carl's here…" He gestured to Carl, who was also wrapped in a blanket and had a sore nose. "Don't you think I'd rather be at home watching Ducky Momo? Agent P, you gotta go in there and, I don't know, make him better, stop him from stopping the things for which you have to stop him for!"
Right after he said all that, Monogram and Carl both collapsed.
Jeremy had just finished playing a song he wrote to Candace and Eliza.
"Brilliant," Eliza complimented.
"Thanks," Jeremy replied. "Most of my favorite bands are British. I guess I'm kind of an anglophile."
"'Anglophile'?" Candace asked. "I thought your family was from Wisconsin."
"Candace, it just means that he likes things that are British," Eliza explained.
"Oh. My bad."
Jeremy checked his watch. "Oh no. I gotta get home and help my mom. I'll be back in a couple hours. It was nice meeting you, Eliza." He was about to walk out, but then he stopped to say one last thing. "Oh, and by the way, cool accent."
Jeremy then walked out of the room.
"Cool accent?" Candace panicked once Jeremy was far enough away. "He's never pointed out my accent. I'm not all British and sophisticated! Eliza, you gotta teach me how to be all lady-like and proper!"
"But Candace…" Eliza tried to say.
"Obviously my relationship with Jeremy depends on it! Will you help me?"
Eliza sighed. "I guess."
Lawrence and AD held their breaths till their faces turned blue. Lawrence was the first to exhale.
"I've given you a sound thrashing, I have," AD remarked.
"Yes, you always did have more wind than I," Lawrence admitted.
"That's my Adrian," said Lucy. "So talented."
"I wouldn't brag about holding my breath for thirteen seconds," Linda retorted.
"At least Lawrence is always so gracious in defeat. Hors d'oeuvres, anyone?"
"I bet I can make myself sick eating prawnie puffs before you can," AD challenged.
"Carnival ride sick or emergency room sick?" asked Lawrence.
Phineas played a video explaining Football X-7.
"Football X-7," said the guy on the video. "Theoretical speculative conjecture or not that… what we just said, with the conjecture thing…? In 1952, a British theoretical physicist and football enthusiast, Professor Ross Eforp, hoped to heighten the football experience by creating the most thrilling and challenging version of football imaginable which still allowed the players to survive. He called it Football X-7. He proposed building an immense gyroscopic gravity well stadium, creating an omnidirectional pitch, allowing teams to play in three dimensions."
The screen showed multiple experiments that ended up failing, from a stadium being knocked down by a bird to sinking under the ground.
"After several attempts to build a Football X-7 stadium ended in disaster, most scientists, engineers, and defensive midfielders agreed that Professor Ross Eforp's ultimate football game could never become a reality. The final nail in the coffin was the discovery that Professor Ross Eforp's name was spelled the same forwards as it was backwards. In the highly-charged anti-palindrome atmosphere of the mid-1950s, Professor Eforp was forced into hiding."
The screen then showed the speaker in question standing in front of a normal soccer field, where a few kids were playing.
"As for Football X-7," he concluded. "Is it possible, perhaps one day, some young dreamer with remarkable and creative skills, might just make Professor Ross Eforp's dream come true? No. Not a chance. Don't be ridiculous. It's impossible."
"Impossible?" Phineas reacted in offense. "The only thing that's impossible is impossibility. Now, Ferb and I believe we figured out where Professor Eforp went wrong."
"Oi, are you actually saying you're gonna build that?" Beckham asked, examining the blueprint.
"Yes, we are gonna do what no one has ever done before! Play the biggest, baddest, onliest game of Football X-7 ever! Now who's with me?"
With no hesitation, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and Django raised their hands.
"Completely mad, the lot of them," Beckham remarked.
Phineas turned to Ferb. "Let's get started." He saw that Ferb was just staring off into space. "Ferb, you okay?"
But Ferb didn't respond in any way.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
Doof was laying on the couch, throwing a huge coughing fit.
That's when Perry came in with a bowl of chicken soup in hand.
"Perry the Platypus, what are you doing here?" Doof asked. "Didn't you get my…" He finally noticed the soup. "Oh, is that chicken soup?"
Perry didn't answer. Instead, he pointed towards something nearby.
Doof realized Perry was pointing at the inator. "Oh, that? I planned to do evil today, but look at me. I don't think it's happening." He checked his thermometer, and it said 103 degrees farenheit. "What? If I was a hot tub, people would be getting out of me. Anyway, since you're here, I taped my rehearsal. I'll play it for you. I shot this yesterday, before I got sick."
Doof pushed a button on his remote, playing a VHS. Perry just sat down and watched.
"Topeka, Kansas, Topeka, Kansas," Doof repeated in the video before finally getting on with it. "So, Perry the Platypus, you might be wondering why I trapped you in this soundproof capsule. Wait, if it's soundproof, he won't be able to hear me."
The screen went static for a moment, then the recording continued.
"For generations, philosophers have asked, 'If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?' The answer is, yes, obviously. Philosophers, am I right? Get a job, thinky-boy! Now the question they should be asking is 'What sound would a falling tree make?'"
Static.
"Behold, the If-a-Tree-Fell-in-the-Forest-Inator! One blast from this puppy will knock over a tree, or anything, and the sound it'll make will be…" Doof whispered the next bit. "Doofenshmirtz!" He went back to his normal speaking voice. "I will have eternal fame as the answer to that one philosophical question. I'll corner the markets, and speaking of markets, I'm out of vitamins. I should really get some before they close. Oh, I can skip getting Vitamin C for one day. What's the worst that can happen?"
That's where the video ended.
Perry gave Doof a disapproving glare.
"Not one word, Perry the Platypus," Doof warned. "You have to at least give me a chance to do my thing, okay? Cool, here we go."
He pushed another button on the remote, causing a cage to drop a few feet away.
Perry rolled his eyes. I need a break, and clearly so does he.
"Now, to turn on the inator," Doof said as he struggled to get up. "I'll get there. Don't worry."
Candace watched from the window as the boys were working on their contraption of the day.
"Oh man, this is gonna be huge," she said. "I'm gonna go get Mom."
"Candace, I'm afraid tattling isn't very ladylike," Eliza warned. "I have five little brothers myself, so you can imagine the discipline it takes."
"No busting?!"
"I promised I'd teach you how to be proper and sophisticated for Jeremy."
"But, but…" Candace realized Eliza had a point, and took a breath. "I can do this."
"Good girl. The first lesson for a lady-in-training is about posture. Honestly, I'm not quite sure why this is, but from birth, all ladies are warned they must sit and stand completely, vertically straight, and even the tiniest bend or deviation on one's spine will lead directly to a life of horror and destitution."
Candace was completely unfazed by that. "Makes sense."
Play "Lady Song"
Eliza started balancing books on her head. She had no problem.
It's frightfully, terribly hard to be a lady
There's so many Ps and Qs you have to mind
She then put the books on top of Candace's head. Candace lost her balance easily.
But the rewards, I guarantee, are rich and varied
And worth all of the effort, you will find
Eliza quickly sped Candace through other tips and tricks.
Your posture must be perfect, and your diction crisp and clear
Your speaking voice mellifluous and pleasing to the ear
Your legs are cross when seated, your toes are pointed so
Your pinky's raised when drinking, but that's not all you need to know
Suddenly, the room went dark except for a spotlight shining specifically on Eliza.
You mustn't curse or spit or tattle, never gossip
A lady never scratches, sweats, or burps
She knows which knife and fork and spoon to use and when
And if soup is served, it's impolite to slurp
Candace tried balancing books again. Like last time, she lost her balance pretty quickly.
It's always please and thank you, sir or madam
Never brash or loud or putting on a show
A lady's demure, reserved and proper
And that is really all you need to know
End "Lady Song"
By the time the song was over, Candace had gotten better at balancing the books. She still felt weird about it.
"I don't get it," she said. "Do polite people not have bookshelves in your country?"
Everyone stood in front of a large sphere-shaped coliseum.
"Lady and gentlemen, I give you the Football X-7 stadium!" Phineas declared.
The cousins were all amazed at what they were seeing.
"Wow, that's brilliant!" said Clint. "I'm totally gobsmacked."
"Yeah, I guess I could smack a gob myself," Phineas admitted.
"Now it all comes down to the game," said Beckham. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah. How about you, Ferb?"
Phineas turned around, only to see Ferb wasn't there. In his place was an imprint in the grass.
"I was afraid something like this would happen," Phineas said.
"What do we do?" asked Isabella.
Phineas turned to the cousins. "We'll be right back."
Flashback
Ferb's soccer problems started a few months before, right before summer began.
They were having a great game. Ferb, as always, was in top form.
Little did anyone know, it would be Ferb's last game.
Late in the second period, the other team had kicked the ball out of bounds, and Ferb grabbed it. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a herd of emu ran onto the field and carried off the assistant coach. Ferb simply put the ball down and walked off the field.
He never played soccer again.
End of Flashback
"I don't blame the poor fellow," said Ricky. "It's the Emu Curse."
"The what?" Phineas asked.
"It goes like this. If you're holding the ball, and a herd of emus carries off your assistant coach, you're cursed to never play on a winning team again."
"Wow, that's really specific."
"It's no wonder he disappeared," said Django.
"We're gonna have to break that curse," said Phineas.
"Good luck, mate," said Beckham. "To break the Emu Curse, a boy wearing a Sunday bonnet must sing the note E-flat above high C in front of the cursed one."
"E-flat above high C," Phineas repeated. "Does anyone have a piccolo?"
Buford groaned. "The one day somebody asks me for some obscure musical instrument, and I didn't bring one with me."
Doof heard a ringing in his ears.
"Great, it's getting worse," he groaned. "Is that E-flat above high C?"
He got up to see Perry was already pulling the wires of the inator out.
"Really?" Doof asked. "You're thwarting the ill?"
He then threw another coughing fit.
Phineas led the gang into the Football X-7 stadium, complete with hovering goals and an observation deck/high tea room.
"It's designed so that the ground hugs your feet, making it possible to literally walk on walls," he explained as he walked onto the wall. "That way, you can score a goal from any angle."
"Brilliant," said Beckham. "Now, let's play."
"I wish we could, but we don't have a team without Ferb."
"Yeah, he was our quarterback," said Buford, who was now dressed as an American football player.
Baljeet sighed. "You still do not know what game we are playing, do you?"
"You realize without a full team, you forfeit the match?" asked Beckham.
"Don't worry," Phineas assured. "If I know my brother, he'll come through for us."
The door opened, revealing none other than Ferb Fletcher.
"Ferb, you came back!" Phineas cheered, hugging Ferb.
"As long as my team will have me, curse and all," Ferb replied.
"Of course. It's not about winning. It's about the joy of the game."
"Actually, it is about winning," Beckham corrected.
Isabella and Django elbowed him for ruining the moment.
Play "Football X-7"
With the blow of a whistle, the kids started playing. Ferb scored the first goal.
In 1959, soccer was sublime
And one man was looking for someone more nifty
Baljeet got the ball. Unfortunately, he was too distracted cheering for himself that Lynn managed to steal the ball and score a goal.
But Eforp's dream was way too extreme
For the palindrome fearing people of the '50s
Ferb walked on his hands while balancing the ball with his feet. He then passed the ball to Phineas, who caught it with his nose.
A number and a letter, it don't get any better
Than Football X-7, Football X-7
Phineas bounced the ball with his head. It landed in the goal.
Call it soccer or football or the beautiful game
But it just got a brand new name
Ricky got the ball. Buford tackled him, then he just left the ball out in the open.
Yeah, Football X-7, Football X-7
Football X-7
Ferb managed to get the ball and score another goal.
Now, both teams were tied.
End "Football X-7"
Jeremy, dressed in his best outfit, went to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. In front of him was a large sphere-shaped stadium.
Assuming it was the work of the boys, Jeremy pushed a button, opening the door.
Candace was waiting for him. She was wearing a pink dress and hat, and holding a pink umbrella.
"Why, Jeremy, how delightful it is to see you again," she said in a poor British accent.
"Hey, Candace," Jeremy greeted, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "You look… great."
"Do come in."
"Okay."
Candace led Jeremy inside the tea room.
"So, what do you think?" she asked. "High tea and…"
Jeremy saw that the boys and their friends were playing in what almost looked like a zero-gravity room.
"What are they doing?" he asked.
"Some sort of silly game," said Candace. "As a lady, I'm not terribly interested in such foolishness. I'm much more interested in curtsying and other dainty pursuits."
That's when Eliza came in with a plate of crumpets.
"Hi Jeremy," she greeted. "Doesn't Candace look lovely?"
"Yeah," Jeremy replied. "I can't say I've seen better posture."
"Would you care to stack books on my head?" asked Candace.
Jeremy was weirded out by that idea. "No, I'm cool."
"Well, why don't you two sit and chat while I fetch tea?" Eliza suggested.
"That sounds divine," Candace replied. "Shall we?"
Jeremy smiled and blushed. "Of course."
The two sat down.
"You know, it's very unusual," Jeremy mentioned. "Here we are, sitting in the very heart of a giant soccer stadium YOUR BROTHERS INVENTED IN YOUR YARD, and you haven't once shown any desire to bust them."
"Oh, dear boy, no no," Candace replied. "A lady never tattles."
Lawrence tried to button up a shirt… over a thousand other button-up shirts. He couldn't do it.
"I'm wearing more shirts than you," AD chuckled.
Linda was starting to get annoyed. "Oh brother."
Lucy applauded for AD. "It's hard not to root for him."
"I think I'll manage." Linda approached Lawrence and gave him a stern glare. "Lawrence, what's going on here? I've seen you put on more shirts than that."
"Well, I'll let you in on a little secret," said Lawrence. "I let him win all of these contests and look how happy it makes him."
He wasn't kidding. AD was doing a little victory dance.
"Yeah, that's great," Linda said. "But you know what? As humble and gracious as you are, and I love that about you, next time, destroy him."
"Pardon?" Lawrence asked, not sure he heard that right.
"Smear the punk. Make him cry."
Lawrence reluctantly decided to go along with it.
"Hey AD, how about one last little event?" he suggested. "How about keepy-uppy?"
"Are you mad?" AD replied. "I never lost a game of keepy-uppy in my life."
"Well, you won't mind humoring me, then?"
Despite how tired he felt, Doof somehow got to the controls of the inator. He accidentally pushed a button, causing a beam to knock something down. When it hit the ground, it whispered Doof's name.
"Wow, I'm beating you inadvertently," Doof remarked. "And when I say 'inadvertently', I mean completely advertently." He chuckled. "You know, fighting you makes me feel a little better. It's a good feeling, like a comfy old sweater or something."
He failed to realize that the cannon bit was starting to spin him around.
Beams fired in all directions.
Perry ran into the bathroom to avoid getting hit.
Meanwhile, the Nostrils were still on the bus.
That's when a tree fell over. They swore they heard the tree say "Doofenshmirtz."
"Did that tree really just say 'Doofenshmirtz'?" one Nostril asked.
"I think we've been on this bus for too long," said another.
"Hang on, lads," the driver assured. "We're taking a detour."
They went in another direction.
A small crowd of fans saw the bus changing its course, and they decided to follow it.
Doof couldn't hold on much longer. He let go of the cannon and fell to the floor.
By this point, he was at the point of falling asleep. He didn't know that the cannon was about to shoot him next.
Luckily, Perry came out of the bathroom with a mirror in hand. He used the mirror to reflect the beam back to the inator.
The inator came down, whispering Doof's name in reverse.
Perry then pulled a blanket out of his hat, unfurled it, and covered Doof with it.
Lawrence and AD played their keepy-uppy game outside.
"Give it up, Lawrence," AD taunted. "I've won at everything since we were kids."
"Oh yeah?" Lawrence retorted. "Watch this."
"Lawrence, don't show off or you'll blow it," Linda warned.
"Don't worry, darling. I got the…"
Before he finished that statement, Lawrence kicked the ball high in the air.
AD chuckled. "Seems you lost again."
"Yeah it does look that way, does it?" Lawrence remarked.
Then the ball landed in front of him, and he started kicking the ball again.
"However, looks can be deceiving," he concluded.
One of the Nostrils looked out the window. What he saw amazed him.
"Is it my imagination, or is that a Football X-7 stadium?" he asked.
"That's your imagination," another replied. "But there is one on this side of the bus."
The Nostrils looked out the other window. There was, in fact, a Football X-7 stadium.
"Candace, I can't help but notice your accent there," Jeremy pointed out.
"Do you like it?" asked Candace. "I thought an anglophile like yourself might appreciate the soothing lilt of the queen's English."
"An anglophile such as myself?" It only took a second for Jeremy to realize what Candace was referring to. "Oh, I get it. Well, yes, I could listen to you speak like that forever."
"Really?"
"I like it so much better than how you were before."
"You do?"
"Of course. I'm so glad you finally decided to change everything about yourself."
Candace was starting to tear up. "So you didn't like how I was before?"
"Isn't that why you changed? So I would like you better?"
Candace's accent was starting to falter. "But, this isn't…" Only then did she realize what Jeremy was trying to do. "Oh, you're just messing with me, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am totally messing with you. Now, would you please knock off the phony British stuff and go back to normal?"
"You got it, bub." Candace was speaking in her normal voice again.
Eliza finally arrived with the tea. "So, how are we doing over here?"
"Turns out, Jeremy liked me how I was before," Candace explained.
"Shocker."
"Now, if you two will excuse me, I got some brothers to bust." Candace opened the window. "Phineas, Ferb, you are so busted! Well, I don't need this anymore."
She tossed the hat aside.
"Pass me the ball!" Django waved.
Then a big pink hat landed on his head, blocking his view.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
By the time Django uncovered his eyes, it was too late. The ball went straight towards him…
And hit him in the groin.
Everyone from both teams flinched at that site.
Django fell to his knees and squealed at a very specific pitch.
"E-flat above high C from a boy wearing a Sunday bonnet," Phineas realized. "The curse is broken! Ferb, now's your chance!"
Ferb ran past Django and kicked the ball.
Everyone stood in anticipation as the ball flew closer to the goal…
Then flew right past it.
The game ended in a tie.
Django sighed in frustration.
"I guess the curse wasn't broken," he assumed as he slowly got up. "And that pain I just endured was for nothing."
"No, you broke it," Ferb assured. "Sometimes, you just miss."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense."
Django looked away to hide his blush.
Seeing Django wearing the oversized hat gave Ferb a bit of a weird feeling. He felt all warm inside, and he couldn't concentrate on anything else.
It was almost the same feeling as…
"Hello," came a voice.
That snapped Ferb out of it.
Everyone turned around to see a group of men wearing green sports jerseys come into the stadium.
"It's the Sniffington Nostrils," the cousins said, sticking their fingers up their noses. "Nose goal!"
"That was a nice kick," one Nostril, number eight, complimented.
"But he missed the goal," Phineas pointed out.
"It's not whether you score the goal. It's how good you look while kicking the ball."
"Actually, it is about scoring goals," another Nostril, number seven, argued, only to be elbowed by number eleven.
Lawrence bounced the ball in the air with his rear while chanting, "I'm awesome, you're not."
That's when Candace came out. "Mom! Mom! Mom!"
"Just a second honey," Linda said. "Your father's doing his victory dance."
Candace felt her patience already running out.
"So, you're just gonna give us this X-7 stadium?" asked Eight.
"Sure," Phineas replied. "We do that thing all the time."
"Thank you, Phineas. That's very dangerous." Eight opened the gate, revealing thousands of Nostrils fans were waiting for them. "Hey everyone!"
"Yes?" the crowd asked.
"See this thing?"
"Do you mean the Football X-7 stadium?"
"Would you help us load this on the bus?"
"We would all like that very much, what you just said!"
Professor Ross Eforp was hiding in the bushes.
"Is that a Football X-7 stadium?" he asked. "I knew it could be done. Professor Ross Eforp can finally come out of hiding!"
A random kid in the crowd noticed Ross.
"Mommy, that man's name is a palindrome," he said.
The mother led the boy away. "Look away, Johnny."
The crowd just finished loading the stadium onto the bus.
"Thanks again, Phineas and Ferb," Eight thanked.
The bus drove away. The crowd followed.
Nostrils on the Bus
With the victory dance finally over, Candace finally led Linda to the backyard. As usual, there was nothing there.
"I'm thinking some very unlady-like things right now," Candace said.
Jeremy and Eliza showed up and gave her a thumbs-up.
"That's our girl," they said.
"Oi, Cousin Ferb, we're dreadfully sorry for giving you such a hard time," Beckham apologized. "You're a brilliant footballer, an all-around good chap, and a Brit through and through."
"Actually, I'm not a Brit or a Yank," Ferb corrected. "I'm just Ferb."
A.N.
After a Valentine's Day full of drama and controversy, it's a bit surprising I managed to get this done.
One main change to this episode was giving all of Ferb's cousins their own names. While it may feel kind of redundant given most of them are kinda there and don't really say anything, it still feels stupid that everyone has the same name except for the girl.
I also added a sixth male cousin. Since Django was a part of Phineas and Ferb's team here, I felt it was only fair if the opposing team had a sixth member as well. I couldn't insert Eliza there because she had her own plot of teaching Candace how to be more "proper".
The last notable thing is that this episode contains the first hint of Ferb gaining a crush on Django. I'll admit, it was difficult figuring out where to put it. In the end, I chose this episode because Ferb does get a good amount of focus here.
Just like my Gravity Falls fic regarding Dipper's crushes on Pacifica and Wendy, Ferb isn't gonna realize his crush on Django straight away. He still has to get over Vanessa, and I know for sure which episode I'm gonna do for that plotline. No spoilers.
Thanks for reading.