Disclaimer: I don't own the TV show Passions or its characters, plot, or setting. This story is a creative work based on the established Passions universe (with some of my own original additions you'll meet here) and is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to infringe on any copyrights.
June 2001
Ivy Crane wasn't the kind of person to do this. Really, she wasn't. But her need to feel Sam Bennett's arms around her and lips on hers again drove her to lengths she wouldn't have imagined only two years before. That was why she got out of bed in the middle of the night after dreaming of him. That was why she snuck into the police station wearing nothing but a designer coat and pair of high heels.
She opened the door to the bunk room at the back of the station. After making sure Sam was alone in the bed there, she walked in quietly and closed the door behind herself. Her heart was pounding from her nerves, but after taking another look at his handsome face, she took a deep breath, put her purse down, and let her coat slide to the floor. He was muttering Grace's name in his sleep. Trying to psych herself up, she vowed to make him forget Grace and to pleasure him in ways Grace could never dream of. Then she got in bed with him.
She told him that tonight was the night they would go back to the way they used to be. "The way we will be from now on." When she started to touch his chest and kiss him, he called Grace's name again. She grimaced at the sound. "I love you so much, Sam, and I know you love me," she said.
"Grace," he said.
"No, it's not Grace. It's me, Ivy." She kissed him again, longer this time. He kissed her back.
"Ivy." Her almost inaudible gasp at hearing him say her name allowed him to deepen the kiss. She felt his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She dared to slip her thigh between his legs.
"Yes, it's me. I love you. Please make love to me," she whispered. They kissed again. Then she felt him coming more awake, pulling away. She kept her hand on the side of his face and tried to continue their kisses. If only he would give her one more chance, she was sure she could convince him that what they shared was worth rekindling.
His eyes popped open. "Ivy! What the hell?" Sam yelled and jumped out of bed.
She let her eyes rake over his body; he was only wearing his boxers. "Heaven would be more like it. Why'd you stop?"
"I thought you were Grace." He grabbed his pants and held them against himself.
Ivy let out a forced chuckle. "As if Grace could ever kiss you with that much passion." And he'd said her name before he kissed her the last time.
He pulled his pants on while she wrapped herself in the sheet from the bed. He said she was unbelievable, and she knew he didn't mean it in a good way. She ignored that and told him his kisses were just as unbelievable as they used to be all those years ago. They had their familiar argument where he insisted he loved Grace and didn't love her anymore. She didn't believe him. "I want us to have what we used to," she said.
He wasn't having it. She refused to leave the police station without making a scene until he gave her a kiss goodnight. She thought he wasn't going to give in, and she'd have to cause a stir leaving the station so Grace would hear about it. Then he grabbed her arm before she walked out the door and pulled her over to him.
"Does this mean you changed your mind about the kiss, Sam?" she asked. He told her he was only doing it to protect Grace. Ivy thought Sam's repeated protests about how much he loved his wife were beginning to sound hollow. "Pucker up," she said with a grin as she wound her arms around his neck.
At first, he barely kissed her and his body was tense, but he made no move to stop her from kissing him with all she had. After a minute, she felt one of Sam's hands on the back of her head, encouraging her to change the angle of their kisses. Ivy obliged him willingly. He was kissing her too now, the way he used to. Her heart raced for a different reason than before. Had she been right all this time? She sighed in pleasure against his lips when they broke apart for a breath. They stared at each other. She could see the indecision in his eyes. He could throw her out now and she wouldn't have an excuse to stay—he'd given her what they'd agreed to—but did he want to do that?
Suddenly, his arms reached out and pulled her back to him, crushing their bodies together. "Sam," she said, hearing her voice full of need. He took the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue. She returned the favor and let her sheet fall to the floor. Then his lips were moving to her cheek, down her neck, to the tops of her breasts and the hollow in between them.
Ivy whimpered. Her hands gripped his butt and pressed their bodies even closer. She could sense his resolve weakening. He began to walk backwards to the bed with her. His mouth was on hers again for a series of feverish kisses, his hands touching every inch of her body that he could reach. His kisses and touches were a little too rough now. When they weren't kissing, he cursed her for breaking his heart years ago and trying to throw herself at him and mess up his marriage now.
She stopped responding to him. Maybe it would be best to leave instead of having him do this just to punish her.
Sam's hold on Ivy loosened when she stopped kissing him. It was obvious again that he was battling with himself internally, trying to decide between what he knew was right and what he wanted. "If I give you what you want, will you promise to leave me alone after, for good?" he asked hoarsely. They weren't touching anymore, but the electricity between them was still there.
Who was she kidding? She could never say no to him, even though she knew it might end up hurting her. "Yes," she said quietly, holding his gaze.
They fell into bed together, and she saw him drinking in the sight of her in her naked glory against the pillows. He looked like he was making up his mind about something as he reached out to touch her hair. "You're still so beautiful," he said a few seconds later.
Before she could respond, he moved to sit near her feet. He untied the little ribbons on her high heels that went around her ankles and tossed the shoes aside. Then he started at her right ankle and kissed up the inside of her leg until he reached her inner thigh. Hungry fingers tangled in his thick hair, ran over the strong muscles of his arms and chest. When she had the chance, she pulled him against her and quickly worked to take off his clothes.
You've wanted this too, as much as me. The look on his face left no doubt about that. He was being gentle with her as he touched her now. She moaned when they started moving together. It soon became obvious that the sex wasn't the same as it used to be; it was better now that they were adults comfortable with their bodies, reuniting after being separated for a long time.
She pressed herself closer to him, followed her instincts as she tried to show him how much she'd longed for him. A lot about him was still familiar, and she reveled in learning the rest with her hands, lips, and heart. Ivy left some of her signature scratches on Sam's back, to his enjoyment.
"I've missed you," she thought she heard him whisper against her skin later.
"What?" She had to know if she'd heard him right before her hopes skyrocketed.
He lifted his head. "I've missed you," he repeated. "I never forgot you . . . no matter how much I tried."
"Oh, darling, you don't know how much that means." She brought his face to hers so she could kiss him again. She lost track of time after that—she was only aware of the bliss she found in his arms—but she guessed they spent at least another hour catching up on what they'd missed over the years.
He surprised her again with his words during one of their encores. "We never should have let them separate us."
"That's behind us now," she said.
He cupped her chin in his palm, meeting her eyes. "No one else has ever made me feel the way you do."
Ivy beamed. "I feel the same way about you." She sought out his body under the blankets and they both forgot how to speak soon after.
When they were finally satiated, she nestled against him and he kissed her one more time. Then they quickly fell asleep in each other's arms.
Early the next morning, Ivy woke up to the feeling of someone rubbing her shoulder and an all-too-familiar voice calling her name.
Her eyes fluttered open around the time her memories of the night before returned. Sam. "Good morning," she said. She turned on her side to face him. She couldn't see the smile on her own face, but she was certain it had to be from ear to ear.
"You need to go," Sam said. "More officers are coming on duty soon. You'll be noticed if you stay."
"Okay." She climbed out of bed and started looking around for her coat and shoes. He got out of bed too and pulled on his boxers and pants. Ivy delighted in catching one more glimpse of his naked body out of the corner of her eye as she slipped her high heels on. He looks better now than he did when we were younger. She tied the ribbons from her shoes around her ankles. She'd crept into bed with Sam a few hours ago wearing nothing but her heels. I'm going to have fond memories of these shoes from now on. "See, Sam, I can be very cooperative when you give me something I want too," she said sweetly as she pulled on her coat. She reached out to caress his cheek and kiss him goodbye, but he flinched away from her touch. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"I can't."
"Can't what, dear? I'm going, I promise. I just want a quick kiss goodbye." She lifted her lips for him.
He looked away from her. "I mean I can't do this with you anymore. Last night was a mistake," he said to the wall.
She froze in place with a hand on one of her coat buttons. "What are you saying?"
He swallowed hard and turned back to face her. "I messed up. What happened between us doesn't change anything. I love Grace. I was wrong to sleep with you. I let my old feelings for you get the better of me, but they belong in the past. Grace is my present and future. I'm going back to her."
She stared at him, stunned. "How can you say that after what just happened? Were you lying when you said all those things to me last night?" She could her the desperation creeping into her voice.
"It was a mistake," he repeated.
Ivy felt hot tears start to slide down her cheeks. "How could you touch me the way you did if you don't love me anymore?" Her tone was accusatory now. "You wanted me and what I did to you just as much as I wanted you."
He still had trouble meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry to hurt you, Ivy, but it's over between us. It was over a long time ago."
"No." The tears were coming faster. "Look at me." She grabbed his hand. "Look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore."
Sam met her eyes and held her gaze. "We're finished, forever," he said. She waited, but he didn't say anything else. Neither did he try to take his hand away. "If you can't accept that, at least do what you said you would and stay away from me."
She shoved his hand away. "You're afraid to say it. You can't say it because we'd both know you're lying."
"Get out."
The crushing, all-consuming pain she'd felt when she lost him the first time came rushing back. "Fine, Sam, I'll go," she choked out between sobs. "I've been asking you for one more night. We had it and it was incredible. If you can't be honest about your feelings, maybe I was wrong, and we're not meant to be together. I'll keep my promise. I'll stay out of your life from now on."
Ivy grabbed her purse and ran from the room and out the back door of the station. Somehow, through her tears, she was able to find her car and put the key in the ignition. She didn't remember the drive back to the Crane mansion. When she did become aware of her surroundings, she was sitting in her parked car in the garage. She turned off the engine and climbed out. Feeling grateful for the early morning hour because no one was around to see the state she was in, she again opted for the back door and tiptoed upstairs. Once she was in her room, she locked the door, left her coat, purse, and shoes in a pile on the floor, and crawled in bed. She could still smell Sam's scent on herself. She pulled the blankets up and cried against a pillow until she eventually fell into a fitful sleep.
Ivy didn't leave her bedroom over the next few days. Through the door, she told the servants she was sick when they came to check on her. "Mrs. Crane, what happened?" a shocked Pilar asked the first time she brought Ivy a tray of food and Ivy opened the door. Ivy knew she must look like a mess. Her hair was unbrushed and unwashed. She was in her robe and pajamas even though it was lunch time. She didn't have any makeup on, but even makeup wouldn't hide the dark circles under blue eyes that were swollen from crying.
Ivy just shook her head in response. "I can't talk about it now. Thank you for bringing this." She took the tray and closed the door, blocking out Pilar's concerned face. The tray wound up next to an untouched breakfast tray while she sat on her bed and stared off into the distance.
Eventually, the bouts of crying became less frequent, and Ivy spent more time thinking. On the evening of her third day closed up in her room, she sat in a chair looking out her bedroom window.
A knock on the door brought her out of her unhappy reverie. "Mrs. Crane . . . Ivy . . . are you hungry? You're worrying me because you're not eating much," Pilar's muffled voice said.
With a sigh, Ivy stood up and went to unlock the door. "Come in, Pilar. Have a seat."
Pilar stepped in cautiously, holding a tray with a plate that had slices of roasted chicken, potatoes, and vegetables on it. The plate was accompanied by silverware, a cloth napkin, a small bowl of fruit salad, and a glass of water. Ivy knew she looked better than she had a few days ago, but her appearance was still nowhere near normal. Pilar sat the tray on Ivy's desk and hesitantly took a seat on the desk chair while Ivy perched on the ottoman in front of her bed.
"All right, tell me what's wrong," Pilar said. "I haven't seen you look this way since . . ." she trailed off.
Ivy pursed her lips. "Since I got duped into marrying Julian and lost Sam?" she finished for the other woman.
"Well, yes."
"Speaking of Sam, I went to the police station a few nights ago to see him."
"I've begged you over and over to leave him alone," Pilar said with a frown.
Ivy lowered her head. "I know. You told me if I kept after him, it would only lead to heartache." She laughed bitterly. "And you were right."
"I'm sorry. Maybe now that he's rejected you again, you see he loves Grace and not you."
Ivy lifted her head. "Pilar, this time it worked." She felt tears sting her eyes again. "We spent the night together."
Pilar looked scandalized. "What?"
"At first, I thought I made a mistake, and he was doing it to punish me and show me he didn't care about me anymore. But then he started to kiss and touch me differently. He said things like he missed me and no one else has ever made him feel the way I do. He held me close, and we went to sleep for a few hours. Then he woke me up and told me I needed to go before more officers got there. I got dressed and that's when he said he regretted what happened—" Ivy's voice broke. "I asked him to look me in the eye and tell me he didn't love me anymore. He couldn't."
Pilar viewed Ivy with a mix of disapproval and sympathy in her eyes. "I don't know what to say."
"There isn't anything to say. I have to give him up. He's married and he won't leave Grace." Pilar didn't answer, but the expression on her face said she thought Sam wasn't Ivy's to give up. Ivy continued quickly, "I know it was wrong of me to try to take him from her, but after our night together, I really believed he would see he loved me more. I thought I'd convinced him to give me a second chance. Now I know I can't keep holding out for him. He still loves me, but he won't admit it. That hurts worse than him not caring at all." She paused and shook her head to clear her thoughts, "Before you came in, I was thinking I need to make some changes."
"What do you mean?" Pilar asked.
"Julian wants a divorce anyway. I might as well get the most I can out of it. Can you call my lawyer and make an appointment for me? The sooner, the better."
"Of course."
"I've got to get out of Harmony. Has today's paper come?" Ivy wanted to start looking at what her options were for a new home. Sam had left town all those years ago to heal a broken heart, maybe she could do the same thing now.
"I think so. I'll bring it up to you."
Ivy looked at her watch—she'd actually remembered to put it on today for the first time in several days. "And I need to go to the bank as soon as it opens in the morning. Will you let Charles know I need a ride?"
"Sure."
Ivy took a deep breath and met her longtime friend's compassionate eyes. "Thank you, Pilar, for everything. You've always been here for me. I really do appreciate your friendship, even though I know I don't always show it."
They stood and hugged. "You're welcome. I appreciate your friendship too. Let me know if you need anything else." She started to leave but stopped and turned around. "I hate to see you hurting, but it will get better, the pain will lessen." Her expression saddened and Ivy was reminded of how Pilar had lost Martin. At least she knew Sam was alive and healthy—the same couldn't be said for Martin. "I think you're wise to let him go. Something tells me he'll come back if he does still love you," Pilar said.
Ivy was surprised at this shift in Pilar's comments; this was the first time Pilar had acknowledged that Sam might return Ivy's feelings. "I hope you're right," Ivy said.
Pilar nodded and left the room. Ivy turned to the tray of food with renewed appetite and started eating.
Over the next few days, she met with her lawyer and started the divorce process. I'm sure that gold-digger Rebecca can't wait for Julian to be free. Not long ago, Ivy had been determined to hang on to the Crane name. Now the wealth and power didn't matter to her anymore; she'd learned the hard way that it could never make her happy. Even the thought of being able to lord her position over Julian felt like an empty gift. It was time to let that go. She'd no longer be a billionaire, but she'd still have plenty of money.
Ivy also went to the bank and made sure the money she'd saved during her marriage and her Winthrop trust fund were safe from Julian and available for her to use if she needed it. She searched for houses. No real estate in Harmony interested her, and her desire to leave was as strong as ever, so she looked to other cities. A townhouse in Boston caught her eye, and, after touring it, she put in an offer. Her realtor called her a few days later to say she'd gotten the home. Ivy traded in her sporty, white BMW that was several years old and bought a new silver Mercedes sedan.
Ivy's friend, Astrid—one of her few friends from her social circle who'd kept in touch after the scandal with Ethan's paternity—called when she heard about Ivy and Julian's divorce. Astrid invited Ivy to stay with her at her family's home in Marlborough, and Ivy eagerly accepted the invitation, looking forwarded to getting away from Harmony and her unhappy memories there sooner than she'd planned. Astrid owned horse stables, so they took long, meandering rides out to the lake on the property most days. Ivy found being on horseback again therapeutic.
Sometimes Astrid's teenage daughters, who were home from boarding school for the summer, joined them on their rides. The girls made Ivy think of her own daughters and the difficult phone call she owed them. Astrid's daughters had grown up around horses, like Ivy, and their stables had a ring for show jumping. The teenagers skillfully navigated the course and asked Ivy if she wanted to take a turn when Astrid mentioned she was an experienced horsewoman. While she was tempted, something made her hold back, so she watched the girls from the ground instead.
One afternoon during the end of Ivy's first week there, she and Astrid were in the stables, having just returned from being out on the trails with the horses. "Something's going on with you besides the divorce," Astrid said suddenly. "You've been withdrawn since you got here."
"I didn't realize I've been that way," Ivy said.
"Well, you have. You didn't love Julian and you'll get plenty of money in the settlement. There's no reason for you to be worrying about that. It's obvious there's more to it." She smiled. "And you've been combing Sterling's mane for the last five minutes."
Ivy's handsome, bay-coated companion gave a little snort and tossed his head, as if emphasizing Astrid's point. "Oh." Ivy put the comb down and rubbed Sterling's velvety nose to thank him for another enjoyable ride, then she turned to Astrid. "Yes, I do have other things on my mind," she admitted.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Her friend had always been direct, and Ivy appreciated that because it made it easier to talk.
Ivy nodded to Sterling and Belle, Astrid's tall, chestnut-colored mare. "Let's finish putting them up first. It'll take awhile to give you the whole story."
They settled in chairs on the back patio with glasses of iced tea about half an hour later. After some long silences in their conversation and pointed looks from Astrid, Ivy swished her tea and watched the lemon slice and ice cubes spin around the glass. Where to begin? "Ethan's father, Sam, has been on my mind. That's why I've been distracted."
"What did he do? Is he trying to get back at you because you didn't tell him Ethan was his?"
Ivy shook her head. "Nothing like that. He was upset, understandably, but he's handling it well." Her hand tightened around the glass. "The problem is I still love him. I've loved him since we were together a long time ago." She told Astrid everything, from the start of her relationship with Sam when they were teenagers to their latest night together. Astrid already knew some of it from conversations with Ivy and what had been in the news, but she listened patiently as Ivy filled in the blanks. Ivy could tell Astrid was particularly interested in hearing about what happened at the police station.
Astrid's first reaction was to smirk when Ivy was finished talking. "He slept with you after he spent years saying he didn't have feelings for you anymore?"
"Yes," Ivy said. "He made me promise I would stay away from him if he gave me what I wanted."
"It doesn't seem like that was the only reason why he gave in. Not based on some of the things he said to you later."
Ivy sighed. The conversation only made her sad when she'd finally started to feel a little lighter lately. "What does it matter? He went back to his wife. I've embarrassed myself enough trying to get him away from her."
"I guess it doesn't matter," Astrid said. "I think you're doing the right thing, trying to move on with your life. You're free now for the first time since you married Julian. You can do what you want and be happy." She took a sip of her tea and looked at Ivy. "As your friend, I want to see you happy."
"I'm working on it. It might take awhile," Ivy muttered. She wondered if she could be truly happy if she didn't have the only man she'd ever loved. "Please keep what I said to yourself," Ivy said later. "You and one other trusted friend are the only people who know Sam I were together again."
"Your secret's safe with me."
Ivy stayed in Marlborough for several more weeks and only went back to the Crane mansion to pack for her move to Boston, feeling stronger emotionally. While she was packing, she found a box in the back of her closet with rolls of fabric in it. She'd bought the material at a market outside of Rome when she'd gone to Italy with Julian for one of his business trips seven years ago. She'd intended to do something with the beautiful fabric, but she'd been so miserable in her marriage that she hadn't been able to focus on the project. With Astrid's words about living her life for herself still on her mind, she sat down on her bed, unrolled the fabric and spread it out, and felt the ideas rush in. Ivy searched in her desk for her sewing supplies, and soon she was slowly stitching a blouse. As her hands worked, larger plans outside of the design of the blouse started to form too.