Fanfiction. Net has been having some bugs, new chapters haven't been showing up just as well as new reviews and stuff. And I have come to some decisions that I don't think I'll be writing fanfiction forever and ever.

All of these bugs on ffn are driving me crazy. I've had like ten messages and three comments from different spammers only on one day. It has been a bit quiet since then but they're still coming.

I hated it had to come to this...

I've been on ffn for more than ten years. And believe me- I'm so lucky I joined. I go back to what I wrote and... eurgh!

Anyway. I hate it when people only leave their stories and never finish them. So I'll try and update all stories. I guess it might take me... hmmm... a year maybe. All stories will be finished except for how they ended up in care. Which will of course go on for as long as the dumping ground series do.

I'm so lucky for the friends I've "met" on here. X snow- pony x actually came to Sweden and visited me last summer. I'm so happy for that or if it just for people I've "met" through some screens.

I currently have this idea, and one more for the IH-series. Whether any others will ever get done we'll have to wait and see.

Important holiday

"Tracy. Please." Mike had told me what felt like a year ago, but it was probably just a week or two. "Believe me. You and Seth need to get away now, as a last chance and relax before… before… you know what I mean."

Now, when I was crossing back and forth in between of the streets in Khao Lak, Thailand and was doing some first shopping for whoever it was growing and spiring inside of me. And I knew I was showing quite the bump by now. And if I had loved it any more….

I was pretty sure I couldn't love anyone or anything more than what I did when I looked down and knew what was coming then my heart would simply break.

This just wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. Despite everyone that had tried to explain what it was like having your first, own child this just wasn't something I could have ever imagined.

That feeling when I had the screen of an ultrasound before me…

That feeling when I saw that second line of a test…

And that feeling when I, like now- I stroke over my belly where it had definitely started showing and grown bigger and rounder to show what was spiring beneath.

However much could a person feel before the whole heart burst?

"Tracy?" Seth's voice suddenly reached through all of my thinking. "Tracy? Are you okay?"

"Oh… yeah. Sorry. I just dreamed away."

As if that wasn't obvious! We had crossed in between these streets and then stopped right outside a clothing store where I could see racks full of baby's clothes. I just couldn't find the right words to tell Seth what I had been thinking about. So instead I grabbed him by the hand and walked up to first, best rack and grabbed a hanger with a little, floral patterned dress.

"I like this…." I hesitated and then shook my head and hung it back. "No, no I don't."

"You were really far gone into your own thoughts." Seth chuckled a bit. "But no! No way is a child of mine wearing something like that… And you don't even know it's a girl yet. What if we were to buy that one and then we reached January and the baby turned out to be a boy."

I shook my head and pouted to show I was… well, me!

"Believe me! I just know it's a girl. Just another Beaker girl- or would you rather her last name was Foreman like yours? Or maybe you'd want both names. Or maybe we make them into one like Beaman? Or Foreker."

"Foreker?"

I just looked back at Seth. Sometimes his thinking was a bit slower than mine, especially when I was excited about something. And I had never been as excited about anything as I was about this new little person growing inside of me.

"Maybe not. But Beaman couldn't be so bad. Would it?"

"I don't need Foreman anymore." Seth muttered. "It was just a random last name a social worker gave me because they needed one. It doesn't mean anything. Not to me, not to the world. You know your mum and know where Beaker comes from. And therefore. If you and I, were to ever get married. I want to change my last name."

I and Seth hadn't been getting married. It was like we were waiting for something. Then we had just started planning a wedding when I suddenly started vomiting every morning and ending up in the hospital because I'd been so dehydrated.

And here we today. It was September and by the time January came whoever it was growing inside of me would be here.

Then a few years from now. I could just see a girl with my dark, curly hair. Wearing jeans as she could probably never stand wearing a dress even for a wedding where she was a ring bearer…

What was her name? A daughter of mine?

"I want this!" I forced my way back to my thoughts and held up a small, little overall that was also a Scooby Doo costume, seriously this time. "Can't you just see her in front of you? A little Beaker girl Scooby Doo."

I knew for certain I could see it, with the Beaker-Foreman, dark, curly hair. And her skin color slightly tanned because of her dad's….

Yeah! I could see her in front of me.

"You don't even know if it's a girl. Not really! Not for sure."

I hesitated some, then I took the Scooby Doo costume, stuck my tongue out at Seth and made my way to pay for what I had picked out and get things that I just knew, from my heart that I had stopped anyway.

I looked around the store again, still with the hanger in my hand but I just knew there was nothing else in here. Except for a little pack with four pairs of baby socks, before I went to pay and I took it before I went to pay. All the while knowing exactly what I needed next by now.

"I want Ice cream…" We had soon reached the bottom of the street with a beach and a small ice cream kiosk. "… I mean it…. now… no… she wants ice cream!" Seth just laughed. "Oh believe me. You don't know what it's like being pregnant. When the baby wants something you just have to have it." I looked around me. "There's got to be ice cream somewhere here."

We bought each ice cream (And made Seth pay for them) and then went down through the warm, white sand we could see with hotels all around of the kinds we would never be able to afford. But this was good. This was enough, we could see white sand and blue water for as long as our visions could reach.

And within me I could feel my heart beating faster than ever before while I felt over my belly where I knew there was a new life spiring and growing inside…

Then I looked up again, on the kind of beach and water one could never see in Pottiswood or anywhere in England.

"…I'll be going here again." I whispered under my breath, not even Seth could hear me. "…I'll show you all of this because you'll be coming with me."

And I just knew more than ever and more than possible how important a holiday like this one was for us…

Pictures of the little baby costume and socks will be up on my Instagram Linneagbfanfiction

Random fact

I've never been to Khao Lak, or Thailand at all. But it (both Khao Lak and all of Thailand) are very popular among tourists. For example Swedish ones.