Fanfiction. Net has been having some bugs, new chapters haven't been showing up just as well as new reviews and stuff. And I have come to some decisions that I don't think I'll be writing fanfiction forever and ever.

All of these bugs on ffn are driving me crazy. I've had like ten messages and three comments from different spammers only on one day. It has been a bit quiet since then but they're still coming.

I hated it had to come to this...

I've been on ffn for more than ten years. And believe me- I'm so lucky I joined. I go back to what I wrote and... eurgh!

Anyway. I hate it when people only leave their stories and never finish them. So I'll try and update all stories. I guess it might take me... hmmm... a year maybe. All stories will be finished except for how they ended up in care. Which will of course go on for as long as the dumping ground series do.

I'm so lucky for the friends I've "met" on here. X snow- pony x actually came to Sweden and visited me last summer. I'm so happy for that or if it just for people I've "met" through some screens.

I currently have this idea, and one more for the IH-series. Whether any others will ever get done we'll have to wait and see.

It's honourable

It was a Thursday that I was about to go back to work. That way I could work today and tomorrow and then get the weekend off. And have some time off when the kids were at school.

I had been back since just a couple of hours ago to make sure this place was empty and calm when I arrived. I knew that Mike was still as stressed as ever. I knew that he had barely left my side….

I would have to find a reason for him not to follow me in my heals like this in the future.

My shift was only lasting for a couple of hours today, and I knew very well I was supposed to have longer shifts as time went on…

But I also knew I always had Mike and Gina on my side. But this wasn't about choosing sides!

Doing the dishes and letting Mike deal with the kids was a very nice break while I knew Cam was coming to pick me up. My head probably wouldn't have taken driving home or even finding the right bus station after everything that had been going on today…

"Tracy?"

Harry's little voice pulled me back from my thinking and finishing the dishes. And for a moment I was still so far into my thinking I barely knew who or where I was.

"Oh, yes? Harry? Jeff?"

At least it was Harry and not Sapphire… But it wasn't like they knew of everything that was spinning in my mind,

"Jeff says he likes you're back."

It was Harry's voice and the way his voice always sounded as if Jeff really spoke that finally silenced the thought

I just couldn't help but smile just a little bit through my nervousity. Harry being too little to know what I had done… Well, maybe there would have to be a day when he knew what I had done then or now or what he was saying.

"Well Jeff…" I answered, but my voice sounded weirdly far away. "….I am happy to be back too."

And it was true, wasn't it?

I had been planning for over a month the exact time and day I would return. In fact, I had been planning where to go when and probably would have went with those exact planes if it wasn't for kids coming home from school and well… kids!

But then, as I felt my smile fading again and Harry went away while holding Jeff, I knew that he had done what exact thing I didn't even know I needed before the end of my shift today.

Jeff says he likes you're back!

"Well Jeff." I whispered right into the air under my breath. "And everybody else too… honestly. Now here I am… I'm happy too!"

Now if only I could ever find a way to make Mike and Cam not to follow me with their visions every second of the day.

Cam POV

Tracy was due to work a very short shift during her very first day back. And she had promised me she'd call in an instant if she felt stressed or depressed. Therefore we had made up a time I'd come to get her. She would probably not feel like driving after everything and I needed something to do anyway.

The hours she was at work felt like weeks to me. I kept pacing and with my phone lying on the kitchen counter I kept it on the loudest noise possible.

I took it and looked at it at least every fifth minute, almost expecting it to light up with Tracy's name on it every time… While I kept pacing back and forth in our little home I didn't even know if I wanted her to call or not.

At last, by the time Tracy ended her shift I couldn't pace anymore, I just drove up to the dumping ground and went inside. When I went inside I didn't see anyone else at first, neither Mike nor Tracy nor anyone else.

"Hey…." Was the only thing I could think of saying for a long while. "Hi Mike… how's Tracy? Where's Tracy? How's she been doing today?"

I knew there was only one type of answer that I wanted to hear. If he wasn't going to give that to me then I just needed to find Tracy. Or maybe I needed to find Tracy whatever answer he was about to give me.

"She seems to have been doing well."

So she had that day I left for New York.

"I have kept an eye on her at all times. And I really think that annoyed her more than anything but. I know that you know I couldn't help it. That it just kept on spinning in my mind everything that have happened and what she did and whatever made her do it and…"

Mike had been talking too fast, he lost his breath and forgot the words. I couldn't figure what more there was to say. Yet I wanted to so badly,

"I guess…." Mike started talking again but was hesitating. "…she's just seemed so… normal."

So she had all the days until I left for New York.

When I thought about what Tracy had done and what had made her do it, I couldn't even breathe…

"It's quite honourable." I suddenly spoke barely even knowing what I said myself. "Isn't it? More honourable and stronger than what you or I know or will ever know?"

I stopped talking, a voice in my head was telling me that no one could ever tell who it would happen next. That maybe I had never expected my Tracy to do anything like she did. But now when I knew, and maybe I wouldn't want to put through anyone- Tracy or Mike or anyone else who cared for me through anything like that if I ever could.

"Well then…" I was suddenly woken up by my thoughts when Tracy was suddenly in the office- wearing her leather jacket and with her shoulder strap back so I must really have been far gone into my own thoughts. "…Should we go?"

Tracy just really seemed so… normal! Just like she always had.

Honourable was the word, right?

Random fact

This originally started when Tracy was leaving to start her first shift. As you can see I decided for it to be written like this. Now you never know what might happen in the future.