Returning to school was very strange for Seamus and the rest of the students from St. Mungo's; they were given a month of leave before needing to return. He knew that student leave was sometimes given, such as in the case of great tragedy, but he never thought he'd be living through a necessity of need. They were lauded as celebrities by everyone but the Slytherins, who were even worse as late. Seamus especially… wasn't used to the spotlight like Harry was, and the constant admiration had him unsettled.

But Harry was still the most celebrated.

The prophecy, once a secret, was now…common knowledge.

People had known that Harry was important before, but being dubbed the 'chosen one' just made things even crazier. Harry took this with far more grace and patience than Seamus would ever have, which was good he wasn't picked to be the savior of the Wizarding World.

Sometimes, Seamus wondered if he was just numb to it all and if maybe, that was far worse.

The days between being released from the hospital and being home were excruciating, even though he and his Mam were getting along much better now. By the second week, Seamus felt right as rain, but his mother wanted him to stay home, in case something popped up later.

At least…it gave him a lot of time to study for his upcoming O. .

Teachers were mostly reviewing anyway, so it wasn't like he was missing much.

Dean wrote dutifully about the going-ons of Hogwarts in the absence of his friend, to make up for not visiting much in the hospital. Seamus also wrote Hermione, who talked about how icy her parents were with her. They were so furious that they'd arranged with Dumbledore to have Hermione take her O. early (she hardly needed the extra study time) and to have McGongall send her items from her trunk home.

The idea that she wouldn't be stepping foot in Hogwarts for their last month tore Seamus apart, but they weren't discouraged from writing.

The fact they're letting you take your O. is a good sign, yeah?

Hermione's frustration had been clear on the page.

They refuse to talk about it yet; I think they're gathering their reasons. Well, I am too! Either way, though, they're much too pragmatic to not let me. It's no problem to them, now that I'm doing it in a room in the Ministry while they wait. If I don't go back…well, it was one last hurrah, wasn't it?

That wasn't the reassurance Seamus wanted.

What if they…don't let you come back?

He wondered what would happen to them. It seemed impossible he could just 'get over' Hermione Granger and move on to another bird with the ease Dean had. The last two years of Hogwarts would be akin to hell on Earth if he had to go it alone.

We're not breaking up if that's what you're asking. At least…that's not my wish…

Seamus wrote back as fast as he could to ensure that wasn't his wish either.

We'll make it work, then, Hermione wrote, we'll see each other as often as we can. Two years is hardly anything.

Seamus disagreed but didn't want to depress Hermione too much more by saying so. Just as Dean had kept Seamus appraised on what was going on at Hogwarts, Seamus did the same for Hermione, forming a strange form of Letter Telephone.

Dumbledore was taking over, just for the time being, as the current Defense teacher, ever since Umbridge had been sacked.

Apparently, the entire study body had gathered to watch and cheered as she left through the gates.

Trewlany was also back teaching, though with Firenze banished from his tribe, it seemed there would be two Divination teachers.

The D.A. was more or less disbanded, or at least paused, now that it seemed Dumbledore knew exactly what was going on. Still, those who had not joined were woefully behind in their Defense spells compared to those who had and were quite jealous of the proficiency of their classmates.

Those who participated in the battle weren't given a free pass on their Defense O.W.L. as Ron had hoped but were given something for their efforts. They were allowed to take their Defense early, the week after arriving back. McGonagall had explained to her Gryffindors that they were at their sharpest now, and everyone was a bit concerned for their mental facilities as time wore on.

"The worst of war comes later," She sighed heavily, "After you've settled and think it's alright."

If they were still untouched by this, reasonably, they ought to be able to take it now.

In fact, as it would turn out, they were allowed to take all of them early and leave to return to their families a month or so ahead of schedule, something most parents were pushing for. Seamus wondered how much was at the behest of parents wanting to keep a close eye on their children.

Harry jumped at the chance to spend a month more with the Weasleys before needing to return to the Dursleys for a short stint. Everyone else seemed like they were straight up told that they did not have a choice in taking it with the rest of their class, Seamus included.

When Cho mused upon her shock that the Ministry was going along with this, as they were often very strict, Ron had snorted.

"Well, we did them a service, you know! They ought to be bending over backward! Maybe a monetary prize…"

"You mean we destroyed their Department of Mysteries?" Ginny raised an eyebrow, "And probably cost them millions of galleons in repairs?"

"We caught Death Eaters!" Ron insisted, "Who are better now that they're off the streets, in Azkaban."

So, it was scheduled. Harry, Ron, Lavender, Seamus, and Neville were all set to take their exams early. Dean and Parvati were not jealous, both saying that they would need every spare second to take it on their regularly scheduled time, though both were sad to see their friends leave early.

Cho, Luna, Ginny, and Colin were given quick finals as well, so they were allowed to leave with the rest of their friends and battle-mates.

As Seamus watched Harry and Cho talk and laugh before his exams, he made a note to update Hermione that their relationship seemed to have been salvaged. It was hard to break up with someone who had selflessly taken a blow for you, and Seamus was happy for the pair. Even if Cho had done it out of remembrance of Cedric, she didn't seem eager to break up with Harry either.

From the group - which Dean had jokingly begun calling them all the 'Umbridge Mutiny Club' and had somehow caught on - the fifth years who were taking OWLs were called into their Charms one first. Early in the morning, they were instructed to a classroom out of the way. Seamus knew from his siblings that usually every fifth-year and seventh-year was given their paper exam in the Great Hall, but with such small numbers…well.

Seamus paced before his exam, running through every charm he knew off the top of his head. Lavender was flipping frantically through notes. Neville was staring out into the distance like he'd already accepted his fate. Ron was shoving food in his mouth, arguing that it helped him think better, while Harry just sat patiently. Though, the way his eyes flickered told Seamus he wasn't as soothed as he seemed.

Hermione was taking hers today too; no doubt she was running herself into the ground with worry, though they all knew she'd do better out of anyone.

He wished he was with her to tease and make her laugh, help her forget about it for just a fleeting moment.

They were called in.

With great trepidation, but knowing more time wouldn't help at all, Seamus picked up his quill and began.

He was feeling okay about this; as it turned out, some Defense spells also overlapped with Charms. He knew that some of his answers to possible counters may be strange, but he hoped that his proctors would accept some 'out of the box' answers.

As they exited for lunch, Lavender twirled her box braids around her finger, shuddering.

"What did you all put as the counter-charm to the giggle hex? Oh; I think I screwed myself on that one-,"

"Lavender, I just had to take it," Ron groaned, "I'd really not like to relive it."

Lavender sent Ron a narrowed glare, "Hermione would talk about it with me," She said, crossing her arms.

Ron sent her a wide-eyed look, "Uhm, of course, she would, and it would still be bloody annoying!"

After eating, they were herded back to the same disused area of the school, though in a larger spot.

"They have you take all the exams in the same spot?" Neville's eyes bugged out, "Oh, Merlin, I have to worry about my exam enough, now I have to worry about comparing to you lot too?" He looked ready to faint.

"Always been that way," Ron confirmed, "Stupid, if you ask me."

Since there were only five of them, they were separated into the five proctors for their 'show' portion of their exams, with no one having to wait around. Harry was given the oldest professor, who looked ready to fall asleep or die standing up. Neville gulped as he was pointed toward Professor Grisdela Marchbanks, who apparently knew his Gran well (not that it would help him). The other three professors seemed young enough to maybe be sympathetic, so Seamus was grateful as he was instructed to stand in front of a man who looked about as old as one of his cousins.

"Ah, Finnigan!" The proctor said, smiling widely, "I was in the same year a Cara Finnigan. Any relation?"

Yeah, he was right.

"My cousin, sir."

"She had a mean repertoire of charms she knew; let's see if that's the same for you," He said with a reassuring wink, "Alright, let's get started then. I'm Professor Leary. We can start easy, Mr. Finnigan, with a simple levitation spell for any items on this table."

Seamus felt at ease at once. A Levitation spell was easy; a first-year mastery! A good warm-up. Seamus lifted his wand and pointed at a teacup, "Wingardium Leviosa ."

Nothing happened.

Not even a little wriggle.

"That's alright, it's okay be nervous. O.W.L.s are a big deal," Professor Leary said kindly, "Shall we try again?"

Seamus felt rattled at once but tried to brush it off. This is what Lav would call a 'bad omen'.

"Sure," He forced a laugh, "Right."

And he tried again with similar results.

"I…I know it, for sure!" Seamus insisted, "I mean, it's a first-level spell, so…Wingardium Leviosa!" He flung his wand at the tea cup more frantically. When it refused to budge a third time, he could see the way Professor Leary's expression began to slip.

The fact that Seamus was failing something so simple was downright humiliating and not a good sign for his exam scores.

"Right, well, we can come back to that one," Leary said swiftly, making an 'x' mark that had Seamus' stomach doing flip-flops, "Let's, erm, just…move on. Can you do a growth charm?"

"Of course," Seamus said, but internally, he was panicked. His heart was racing and he pointed at a quill on the table and muttered the incantation.

Once again, nothing happened.

He tried four more times.

"This…this isn't right," Seamus muttered to himself, eyes wide.

"Well, yes, it's…unusual. Usually, there's proof of the spell, even if one is not fully able to actualize it to perfection." At this point, Professor Leary looked deeply disturbed. "Let's just do any spell, Finnigan," He offered, but his face was now pulled into a deep frown.

Seamus had been able to a Patronus seamlessly since manifesting it, but even as he drew back the happiest memory, the memory of Hermione waking up, it was like there was…nothing coursing through his wand.

"That's quite a high-level spell. Just try a first-year one," Leary suggested, but Seamus wasn't listening. His wand clattered to the ground and snapped his fingers, urging that tiny flame to appear. In the background, he could hear Leary's muffled voice, "- what are you doing, Seamus?"

"I can always…get a flame…" Seamus whispered, despair sending his stomach through the floor. He felt ill.

No; he felt empty .

Yes, he'd been feeling this since waking up from the battle, but he hadn't focused on it. He had thought it was merely the anxiety running its course, leftover worry. And then he'd attributed it to his concern for Hermione. And upon return, he'd thought it had been his rolling concern over his O.W.L.s.

But he realized…he hadn't cast a spell since returning from the battle.

In St. Mungo's, he hadn't wanted to, unsure if the Ministry would be okay with magic outside of 'school', and didn't want to be in deeper trouble with them than he was. And, at home, his mother had confiscated his wand to help him focus on healing. Returning to Hogwarts, it had been a short time between arriving back and these exams, and he'd been sure he could take any practicals. He'd focused mostly on cramming the information of the written stuff since he knew that was his least prepared part of these examinations.

But he had never imagined…

"Nothing…nothing's working-," Seamus was now worked into a full-blown panic attack, grasping the side of the table as he felt his legs fall out from underneath him. He realized that all the other Proctors and his classmates had paused.

Lavender darted over to his side, helping him up.

"He's not the first to buckle under pressure," Harry's crotchety proctor sneered.

"It's more than that; I'm getting Dumbledore," Leary insisted, "Something is very wrong."

Seamus looked up at the pale, ashen faces of his classmates.

Was this it? Was this the 'worse' that he'd been warned of? Some nasty spell ruining his life, a month afterward, just when he was relaxing?

"It's going to be okay, Sea," Lavender said, but her words were frayed with unbridled worry. She did nothing to ease his fears.

More than ever, he wished Hermione was here. She'd know exactly what to say to stop his anxiety. Lavender was making him feel worse, though not her intention. Everyone else was morbidly silent, Ron staring with his jaw open, Harry staring at Seamus with a heavy frown, and Neville biting his fingernails. The other proctors were in a huddle, whispering frantically, sending quick exchanges Seamus' way.

When Dumbledore thundered in, Seamus mentally checked out, that spiral bringing him down, down, down...

Seamus didn't remember much afterward. Everything felt numb as he was brought to Pomfrey, where a lot of teachers did a lot of tests on him, but no one seemed able to give a straight answer. Students pressed up along the edges of the hospital wing, curious what could gather the entire staff with such urgency. Luckily, Lavender and Parvati were doing crowd control, far more terrifying than anyone else could ever be, but it didn't stop the interest. It just made students more determined to slip their wards.

"Is it possible that lack of use of magic would make it recede?" Seamus asked, his voice gravely.

But deep down, he knew that wasn't it. Students were without magic for whole summers, longer than just a month, and came back just fine.

"I wouldn't worry yet, Mr. Finnigan," Dumbledore insisted, but his eyes didn't agree with his words.

Seamus spent an agonizing day in the hospital wing, staring at his fingers, screaming at them in his mind to produce a flame or even a warm heat.

But nothing ever came of it.

Finally, they dragged him out to Firenze, who knew more about these matters of magic in a way that couldn't be fully explained logically, some amount of knowledge that surpassed the boundaries of what even Dumbledore knew.

Firenze looked Seamus up and down, circled him three times, and finally pressed a hand to his head, as though taking his temperature.

When he looked at Dumbledore, his expression was grim.

"There is no magical signature emanating from this child. It is as though he was never born with it at all."

"What are you saying?" McGonagall choked, "He's become a Squib? Can that even happen?"

"Was it a curse?" Flitwick twittered, eyes wide, "Those Death Eaters are despicable-,"

"I wouldn't think so, no," Firenze said, which ought to be a good thing, but his face said otherwise.

"Do you think he can get it back?" Dumbledore asked quietly, but somewhere, Seamus was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

Whatever Firenze's answer was, Seamus never heard it.

His head felt all fuzzy- like he was going to vomit- and then the feeling vanished. The moss underneath him was coming at his face all too fast.

He just hoped someone was quick enough to catch him before he knocked his head open on a rock.

XXX

If Seamus thought Harry was popular, well, he had no idea what was coming for him.

Whether people came to offer their condolences or to gawk at the kid who didn't have any magic anymore, Seamus wished he could just disappear.

The worst thing was that even the adults, those who were meant to know what to do, seemed utterly taken aback.

One's magical ability could fade, sure. There was a natural ebb and flow, certain life stages making magic more or less potent. But losing it completely? Unheard of…impossible! If, of course, it hadn't just happened.

Dumbledore was very transparent with Seamus, which seemed strange in itself. Mostly because he had little suggestions or ideas to begin with, so there wasn't much to tell. Also, Seamus didn't want to be treated as an adult in this matter...he wanted someone to tell him how to fix this, to lie and say it was all going to be alright, not to be leveled with on the sort of level that shivered his spine.

The best theory anyone had was that something had happened in his last moments in the Ministry, something with that fire.

Of course, the Ministry swore up and down that nothing in the Department of Mysteries could have such effects, but who knew if they were telling the truth? Cho quietly theorized that maybe they didn't know, but there was so much unknown there anyway, more than they had the people to research or understand.

The one Dumbledore seemed to be leaving toward was that this was some deep, unstudied magic from long ago they were playing with, accidentally stumbled upon, and somehow…Seamus was just collateral damage.

There were hundreds of discussions of what ought to happen now; well, he couldn't very well go to Hogwarts if it never returned, but could he still exist in the Wizarding World? Would he even want to? Was there any chance of his magic coming back?

Until the end of the year, he was poked and prodded and given a million potions that did jack-shit.

He also couldn't bring himself to write Hermione. He was sure she'd be disgusted. Who the hell wanted to date a Squib?

No; Hermione deserved better.

The letters from her piled up, unopened and unanswered, along with all the rest of the letters from the Umbridge Mutiny Club and D.A. members. The only person he wrote back to, and sparingly at that, was Dean and he refused to discuss his prognosis. But Dean never prompted that; their few letters sent back and forth were about non-consequential things, stupid stuff, and Seamus was grateful for that.

By the time the end of the year drew upon Seamus, no solution had been found and he was more sure than ever that this was, in every sense, the end of his life as he knew it.

The lack of magic in his day-to-day was startling. He never realized how much he relied upon it, and took it for granted, but here he was.

He was told not to worry about his O.W.L.s. That, when all that was sorted, he'd get an extension.

What no one said out loud, but he knew was the truth, was that O.W.L.s didn't matter to Seamus anymore. He was never going to need a magical career if he couldn't do even a bloody spark.

He went home on weekends and then eventually every other day, his parents were desperate that this may be the time that they got the answers everyone sought.

His friends tried, but he felt separated from them now, an outcast. Dean and Lavender and Harry and Ron refused to leave him alone, and when they couldn't, they sent Cho or Luna or Ginny or even bloody Cormac to bother him, getting special permission from Hogwarts to irritate him. His homestead was like a rotating door of well-meaning witches and wizards, bothering his Mam and befriending Finn. Enya came by her, and her parents sat in deep conversation with his parents for a long time, while Enya told Seamus all about her plans with Zara after graduation, trying to distract him.

Seamus told them that they didn't need to bother themselves by making the trip out, but no one listened.

"You're still our friend, Seamus," Cho insisted, "Magical or not!"

"It may come back," Luna added, "Stranger things have happened."

All their sympathies sickened Seamus.

By the time the last day of the school year turned a corner, Seamus wanted to curl up in a dusty hall and cease to exist. Dumbledore and the Ministry had permitted him to use magic, if he was able to wake up with it one day, returned. Everyone at this point was just hoping it was a fluke or something. Their allowance felt like a slap to the face…Seamus was sure they thought it would never come back, so why worry about giving him this pass?

He went home, though he'd spent less than seven whole days at the school since the absolute failure of his exams.

His Mam picked him up specifically, instead of having him ride with Enya, fussing and worried.

"Your Da manages just fine as a Muggle," She said with a faux cherriness that made Seamus want to scream, "In a magical world."

"But Da never had magic," Seamus argued, "It's different."

They all knew it was.

His Mam spent the first three weeks of his summer break taking him to every Wizarding specialist she could get ahold of. Many were eager to test Seamus; he was a wizarding riddle at this point.

And no one had any bloody answers.

Finally, Seamus threw a fit.

"I just want to go home!"

"Don't you want to know what happened?" Finn asked, hugging him tightly, "And when it will come back?"

"No, I'm tired. I've been bled so many times I look like a pincushion. I'm weary, Finn. They won't figure it out. I can't be helped. I don't want to spend my fucking summer in this place!"

"Alright," His Mam said with a heavy sigh, "No more hospital visits."

Back at the farm, Seamus trekked upstairs, curled himself in his covers, and hoped something would come in and swallow him whole.

It would be a lot better than living like this.