Chapter 9: Like Waterfalls

The ship rocked violently as another cannonball slammed into the water's surface, sending a tremor through the hull. Inside the sick bay, Heat had abandoned his attempts to stitch Skyler's head wound, opting instead to secure it with a tight bandage as they waited for the chaos outside to subside.

Skyler was restless, her leg bouncing up and down, digging her nails into back of her hands in an attempt to get her mind off things, to no avail. She got up from the chair she was sitting on.

"I— We need to be out there!" She blurted, her voice sharp, but Heat smacked her uninjured arm, forcing her to sit back down.

"No you don't." He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back down onto the chair. "You are injured." He turned his back to her, trying to find some medical tape in the drawers to see if that would be enough for some of her injuries.

"But I-…" She tried to say but was immediately interrupted by Heat. His tone was a bit harsh, direct but truthful.

"You'd only be a hindrance." He pulled up a chair and sat in front of her, inspecting her other injuries—minor ones that only needed disinfecting. He started to try and mend the lash on her forehead with the medical tape. "You probably have a concussion and you've lost some blood." His tone went back to his calm, usual demeanour.

"But shouldn't you be outside helping Kidd and the others?" She tried to insist but the look he gave her made her shut her mouth in a tight line.

"Quincy asked me to help you, the captain didn't oppose. I am here." He clarified and continued to care for her.

If it weren't for the noise of battle outside, the room would've been heavy with silence between the two. Skyler shifted uncomfortably on her chair, trying to shake away a bit of the awkwardness.

"You don't talk much, do you?" She tentatively asked, in an attempt to test the waters.

"Not with you."

"That one hurt." Her mouth twisted in a crooked smile.

Heat sighed as he finally finished taping her forehead wound, tossing to the counter the rest of the medical tape.

"Nothing against you. I just don't know you that much." He was being clear and honest with her and, for that, she was thankful for.

"That's fair." She said and another awkward silence fell between them, the sounds of cannonballs being fired the only noise cutting the stillness. "So… wouldn't you like to get to know me? I'd like to get to know you and… well everyone else since I'll be stuck here for some time."

"No."

"Has anyone told you, you can be very harsh?" She teased, trying to get some reaction from the man but she only received an investigative look, as if he was reading her like an open book.

"I mean, I don't want you to force that, not now." He rested his arms on his thighs, his pale hair falling forward as he tilted his head down in thought. He rubbed the palms of his hands against the fabric of his pants before looking back up at her. "The captain may be insensitive to this but you can't bottle that up inside. I saw it… we all did." It was strange for her to hear so much empathy coming from a man that had barely spoken a word to her. "The situation you were in, it was too violent for you." And he had touched the exact sore spot she was avoiding after that altercation. She chewed her bottom lip nervously, her leg-bouncing returning. "Let it out now, while you're out of sight. Keeping it inside... it'll destroy you."

"It seems to me that Kidd got himself a crew of therapists and not pirates." She tried to joke again but it was no use. Heat was unmovable, unchanging to what he said. Skyler felt like was growing smaller under his gaze.

"You being here with us is not going to be easy and our captain will not make it easy for you either. He never did for any of us." He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "But I'm letting you have this space for yourself to grieve because what you went through, the trauma that you went through, is not easy to cope with."

"Does it get easier…?" She asked, her voice shaking from uncertainty, the tears finally threatening to come pouring out.

"It gets… bearable." With that he got up from his seat and headed for the exit. Before leaving he turned to face her on more time. "Just allow yourself this now before heading out, okay? After that, I'd like to meet you properly Skyler."

And with that he left her alone, closing the door behind him. The sound of the door shutting felt deafening, shaking her to her core before tears came pouring out like a waterfall. She grabbed a towel nearby, squeezing it tight against her chest, the fabric crumpling beneath her fingers.

A sob tore from her throat, raw and jagged, followed by a desperate shout. The pain wasn't just physical. It was a deep, gnawing ache inside her chest, twisting and pulsing like a wound that wouldn't close. She couldn't name it. She couldn't escape it. She was drowning, pulled under by waves of grief and fear, her mind a storm of confusion.

I don't want this…

The thought clawed at her, but it felt so distant, like it was slipping through her fingers.

She had killed that marine soldier with Kidd's knife.

I don't want this…

Skyler let out a guttural scream, her fist pounding against her chest as if she could beat the pain away. As Heat had said, she let herself feel it, let out everything she'd buried inside. The grief she'd ignored during the incident at the bar came crashing down on her like a wave, drowning her. She couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop the rawness that overwhelmed her.

I don't want to become a murderer…

The thought made her punch the wall, the sharp jolt of pain giving her a momentary relief, but only for an instant. Grief returned, crashing into her again and again, leaving her breathless. Her fingers dug into the towel, bloodstaining the fabric as her nails tore painfully from their beds. Her knuckles throbbed, raw from the violent blows. The fight inside her wasn't just physical. It was a war against something darker, something that threatened to swallow her whole.

If killing meant losing herself, her humanity, she'd refuse it. She'd fight with everything she had left to hold on to who she was.

She didn't hear the door creak open in the midst of her shouting, nor did she feel the presence of Killer rushing in until it was too late. His hands gripped her wrists, holding her with a force that took her by surprise. Her body fought against him instinctively, trying to break free but it was futile. She let herself go limp, exhausted and defeated. Killer followed her as she fell to the ground, still holding her wrists tight against her torso, his presence a shield. His arms encircled her, a quiet strength that calmed the storm inside her.

She rested her head back against his shoulder, still sobbing and Killer just let her be, staying silent while still holding her close so that she wouldn't randomly start punching again.

As she calmed down, his grip on her loosened as well but he still held her against him, providing a semblance of comfort. His warmth was helping her calm down, the feeling of his steady heartbeat felt faintly reassuring against her back. Paying close attention, she noticed that the turbulence outside had calmed down. The ship must've been in the clear for some time now, but she hadn't noticed before.

She finally opened her green eyes, feeling them still burning from crying, her face soaked with her tears.

"I wish I had a mask like yours." Her voice was hoarse, tired as she spoke. "I could just hide away from all of this… Or at least hide this face so no one could see how I look right now." She let her head lean against the side of his mask, hearing a faint click as she hit one of the triggers for the helmet to come off. "I guess the façade wouldn't last long, would it?"

"No… it wouldn't." Killer finally let go of her wrists, letting his calloused hands caress her injured ones, stretching out her fingers so she would let go of the bloodied towels. His mask hid it, but he grimaced when he saw how bent and twisted her nails were and how raw her knuckles had become. "A mask can't hide what happened."

"I thought so too… but I can hope." Skyler looked down at her hands that were in Killer's hands, numbly staring at her poor state before her gaze drifted up to the wall that had a few dents to it. "Kidd is going to kill me for wrecking his ship again…" She heard him choke on a laugh and she let out a weak chuckle, happy to be able to make the stoic Killer almost laugh. "Hey, I won't judge if you laugh. I know I look like shit so I won't judge."

"You look like ass." He replied, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Hey, at least I look like a good piece of ass." She let out a hearty laughter when she heard Killer letting out his own, peculiar laugh. It was an odd sound but it wasn't bad, it had a charm to it and it was pleasant to hear. "I have been reduced to ass humour… Oh, how the mighty have fallen."

"You didn't fall that far." He huffed, smirking as she weakly elbowed him in the stomach.

"I resent that, Killer." She smiled meekly, before it faded away when she looked back down at her hands. "I'm sorry about the outburst." She let out a heavy sigh, letting her head rest against his shoulder again. "I don't know what came over me… I just…"

"I understand." And Killer did understand. It was clear that she had never gone through something of the sorts, never had to actually fight for survival and deal with the possibility of killing someone. He may have become numb over time, his line of work contributing to that but he hadn't forgotten how that first time had felt. It was not easy and the outburst that she had was justifiable to him. "You don't need to explain yourself."

"You keep saying that and I'll end up crying my eyes out again." Skyler's voice was shaking as she spoke. She took a shaky breath, trying to push those feelings aside. The outburst had helped, but its echoes lingered, stirring in her chest. There wasn't much room for those intense feelings, not where she was now. She pulled her hands from Killer's and gently slapped her thighs before she got up. "Can you help me with this?" She raised her hands at him as he was getting up from the floor, adjusting his mask.

"It'll hurt." He confirmed and started searching for some tweezers that were strong enough to start the arduous task of peeling out the nails that were barely holding on.

The two were chatting, empty conversations, some words tapping into what had happened but not lingering too long. Between hissing and random thuds as she slammed her foot down whenever she felt more pain there was faint laughter that was exchanged between the two. A moment's respite after what she had let out.

On the other side of the door, Kidd was leaning against the wall, out of sight. The muted sound of their quiet laughter reached him through the thin walls, a grim reminder of the closeness he refused to allow himself. He had heard part of her meltdown and was at a loss as to what he should've done to help. That's why he had called for Killer and it was the blond that went in the room instead of Kidd, to help her.

Kidd scowled.

He wasn't the type to get upset or distressed over someone he barely knew. Hell, he rarely felt that way about his own crew because he knew they'd always be fine.

And now, Skyler had arrived to ruin the familiarity and confidence he had, making him feel upset about what had happened to her. Making him worry about how upset she got over the fight that had broken out at the bar. If she kept going like this, she wouldn't survive for long in his ship, that was for sure. They always looked for conflict and weren't scared of picking fights where they went. If she was going to have a mental breakdown every time they were involved in a fight, she'd become a liability.

Skyler had already become a liability to him the moment she set foot in that ship.

No… Kidd knew that she had become a liability the moment he didn't deny her stay in his ship. She had become a problem when he'd allowed himself to playfully tease her and enjoy how she reacted, how she'd laugh or scold him for whatever idiocy he'd say.

Kidd clicked his tongue and stepped away from the sick bay. He couldn't allow himself to feel sentimental towards her. Despite having protected him and proved herself capable in a fight, the breakdown she'd had was something that had bothered him and he couldn't let those feelings get to him, whatever those feelings were.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A/N:

This chapter was difficult to write. I was trying to understand Skyler's headset as someone who had never gone through such a situation. It was hard to write how to express the blowout of the trauma and it will be a challenge for me to keep writing how she'll evolve from this point out but I have a bit of a roadmap on how I'll be writing her out.

My desk is littered with post-it notes about details that I'm adding so I don't forget them as a write and it is a mess! But I am enjoying where the story is going.

The thing that I'm a bit if-y about is how to write Heat and, honestly, a lot of other characters in Kidd's ship. I have to write so many different personalities for each of them while keeping in mind the type of pirates they are.