Intermission 5
Sasuke the Movie: Bad idea is still an idea
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Hanging out with Hotaru for two years had lead Sasuke to seen the Outstupid Maneuvers more than most people. This fanfic had skipped most of the childhood plotlines, which may or may not be covered in Side Monogatari later. So many silly adventures such as The Inuzuka Confrontation, The Konoha Manji Gang (KoMan), The Eraser Beyblade Tournament, The Sewer Gator Conspiracy and many more.
So much nonsense. So many insanities.
Anyway, having observed Hotaru's antics the most, Sasuke perhaps the closest person that's capable to capture the essence of Outstupid Maneuvers.
Which is why right now Sasuke is in a shitty disguise as he walks to the City Hall.
"Halt!"
The Genin guard that's manning the front entrance of the City Hall stops Sasuke in his tracks.
"You there! Why are your hair is like that?!"
To which Sasuke replies. "I'm half Lightning."
The Genin scrutinized over Sasuke's hair. He was pretty damn sure that the hair is actually just a new mop head put on top of his head. White and thick. "That's a mop."
Sasuke then dramatically cringed. He was furious! How dare he!
"Did you just assume that my hair is a mop!!"
"wha-"
Sasuke cut him off before he can refute. "I told you, I am half Lightning! Do you know who lives in Lightning? Kumonian! And Kumonian has dreadlocks! My hairstyle is the heritage of my people and you call it a mop?! This is racism! Call your manager! I'm going to report you!"
The Snow Genin tried to defend himself but his facts and logic is weak, unable to fight against Sasuke's combination of Woke no Jutsu and Ninpou: Karen Gatling. Before he knew it, Sasuke had dragged him to the manager office.
His manager then proceed to scold him infront of Karensuke for being a racist and that Karensuke's hair is the finest dreadlocks he had ever seen and Karensuke is stunning and brave.
Sasuke then got into the City Hall, having his mind both fucked and enlightened. How the hell he had pulled it off is beyond him. All he did was that he just being as stupid as he could. Be so stupid that there's no way he could have been a cunning paranoid ninja.
I didn't even need to use my Ultimate: I am 1/32 Cherokee! Asking Hotaru over how to Outstupid Snow Ninjas proves to be a good prepwork!
Sasuke just walks around the City Hall while dancing off-tune to hip-hop beats. To punctuate it even further, he even beatboxing along the way. Which is stupid becoz apparently Kumo had yet to invent rap and hip-hop yet but none of the Snow-nin call him out, out of fear of being Karened over their ignorance of foreign culture, which they are.
Seriously, what is up with Snowman and their fear of being called racist? Sasuke was pretty sure that he was being racist to the Snowmen instead and he kept getting away with it.
Oh wait, you can't be racist to white people. They don't count.
Sasuke enters the archive rather easily. He just demands that the Mayor need some blueprints and somehow he got in. Once in there, Sasuke use his Sharingan to memorize the entire city layout and leave right away.
))))))))))))))))))
When it comes to problem solving, Hotaru's modus operandi can be simplified to three commonly used tricks.
Bluff out of your ass, get someone else to solve the problem and confuse everyone. It is something anyone can do.
Sasuke aim is to infiltrate Redmoon Technologies, a company headquartered in Denver. He decides so after gathering intel for the last few days and narrow down the list of potential location his allies had been imprisoned in.
However, the securities is tight. It will not be easy to get inside quitely.
Which true to Makoto Hotaru's fashion, Sasuke decide that if getting in quitely is hard, that means getting in noisily will be easy. Its basic math.
BOOM
Sasuke had been saving a several dozens of clones for purpose such as this. While he cant spam Shadow Clones in bulk like Naruto, he can save them over time by storing them in the Pocket Watch. Everyday after training, Sasuke made sure to store five clones a day so that he can use them in situation like this.
BOOM
BOOM
Dozens of Sasuke clones ride the cloned motorbikes that Naruto had produced. The clones barge into the building and explode, killing the guards and creating a ruckus. Several more squads of clones race around the city block, making as much noise as possible. The entire block fall into a state of chaos.
Allowing Sasuke to easily infiltrate in with a disguise.
Sasuke race down the holding cell according to the blueprint he had memorized. Most of the guards had redeployed up ground to handle the attacks done by his clones. Sasuke saw a higher ranking guard and quickly take him out out of sight, taking away his security card. Then, he take an elevator down and went 10 floors underground.
The elevator door opens, revealing a large research room. The researchers mind their own business, seemingly uncaring over the attack upstairs. Sasuke calmly walks in, looking for the holding cell. He looks around the facility and it is filled with tube tanks that contains some kind of fusion between man and machine.
Sasuke ignores the bubbling gastric juice rising from his nausea. Good thing he skipped lunch. He keep walking and went through several doors until finally he found the holding cell.
Where the company holds their raw ingredients.
The holding cells are separated to several categories. Elderly, adult and children. Sasuke didn't pay much attention to them, going deeper to find cells that hold high priority prisoners. He went down a few stairs and go through several doors until finally he found it.
Naruto is contained within an energized barrier prison. He was tagged to the brim with chakra suppression seals. Sasuke looks around to see where is the staves that erect the barrier. His time is running out. Based on the chakra returning to him, over three quarters of his clones had been taken down. He need to free Naruto quickly.
For a minute, Sasuke rack up his brain, trying to find a solution. Nothing good came to mind that will allow him to retrieve Naruto soon enough. Even if he manage to take down the barrier, there is the issue where he will need to drag an unconscious Naruto to surface.
He has no good plan.
But he has a bad one.
A stupid one.
Sorry for this, Naruto.
Fuinjutsu is a delicate piece of work. A little error and you turn a simple paper into a bomb. Once, Naruto offered Hotaru to install Fuinjutsu arrays to protect his home but Hotaru vehemently declines as he said, "Aint no way I'm letting you turn my house into a bomb!". Hotaru proceed to demonstrate this by just scratching the seal arrays at the village wall and a section of it proceed to explode.
To this day, the village still trying to find the spy that managed to breach the Konoha wall with a bomb, not realizing it was just Hotaru being dumb again just to prove a point.
The lesson here is if you don't make a sealed casing for your seal arrays, you're just asking to be bombed.
Now, saving a prisoner by exploding their barrier prison seems to be counterintuitive as you know, they will die, but this is Naruto we are talking about. Without thinking much, Sasuke scratch an array and run to hide behind a wall, clutching his ears as,
BOOOOMMMMMMM
The barrier explodes, sending tremor across the whole building. Sasuke takes a peek, seeing nothing but smoke and debris. Soon enough, he hears growling.
Ah yes, Naruto is turning.
Normally, Sasuke wouldn't pull this stunt but he knows that Naruto can survive a bomb to his face. Why? Coz if he's dying, his Youkai blood will take over to help him survive. Exploding the barrier is the easiest way to get Naruto free.
Now, all he needs to do is hide while Youkai Naruto goes berserk and get out of this damned facility.
With a roar, a red blur sped out of containment. Sasuke hears screams of terror as they are ripped apart by a very pissed Hanyo. Sasuke followed behind the trail of destruction, regrouping with other guards that is hastily on pursuit of Naruto. Soon enough, Sasuke reached surface and is greeted by the sight of Naruto, who is now some sort of blood-slime mimicking the shape of a humanoid fox ripping apart the Snow-nin.
Katsu!!
With a Tiger sign, Sasuke activated all the botched seal arrays he had planted across the city and all of them explodes. Denver fall into utter chaos as Sasuke's days of terrorism prepwork yield its result and the chaos he generates reached its crescendo. Buildings are fallen, fire spreads, civilian screams in terror. The Snow-nins are underequiped and understaffed which results to them fall into disorganized chaos.
Now to bait Naruto away.
Sasuke open a thermos and the aroma of ramen broth permeates the air. Youkai Naruto caught the scent of it and turned his head 180 degree to Sasuke. Sasuke gulped his saliva and run with all his might. Some Snow-nin will tell the story of how a nameless Snow-nin saved the city by sacrificing himself as bait to drag away the bloody beast, but that is a story for another day.
Sasuke reached outside of Denver, a thermos of ramen broth still in hand. Youkai Naruto is hot in pursuit, driven mad by hunger for ramen. Sasuke keeps running. One miles. Two miles. Five miles. 10 miles. Soon enough they reached into the mountains, out of sight out of mind.
Now, for the final phase of his plan.
Sasuke unsealed a whole tank of ramen, broth and noodles mixed in harmony to create all that umami goodness and set it on ground. He fled right away as Youkai Naruto dove into the ramen tank and bath in its essence. He greedily slurps the noodles and drink the broth, rapidly depleting 300 gallons of Ramen.
Then, Sasuke unsealed another tank of ramen, which Naruto then dove into again. And then another. And another. And another. Sasuke reached his tenth tank and yell.
"DAMNIT NARUTO! JUST SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY! I'M RUNNING OUT OF RAMEN!!"
Naruto dive in one final time, sluggish to finish this last batch of ramen. Like Holy Water, his youkai form vaporize as dark red smoke. Yet, Naruto still slurps the noodle, moaning in satisfaction. He only managed to finish half the tank before finally collapsed on his back, floating amidst noodles, fishcakes and vegetables as he was embraced by ramen broth like amniotic fluid embrace a fetus.
"Whoa, can't believe I am saying this but I don't want to eat ramen for awhile."
Sasuke, finally certain that he has successfully exorcised the youkai out of Naruto with the power of ramen approached the tank.
"Naruto."
"Wut, Sasuke?"
"Can't believe this stupid plan works."
Naruto just laughed tiredly, bloated from all the ramen he had ate.
"The Outstupid Maneuvers always works, Sasuke! Believe it!"
Sasuke groans. He has a feeling that his ancestors are rolling in their grave as they watch over him doing all this dumb shit.
But it works, so it ain't stupid.
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(((Makoto Hotaru)))
"Sheesh, finally I'm here.".
I arrived to the icy shore of Snow Country. I wonder how Kurenai's going to complain now that I ditched her team again.
(((Few days ago)))
"Makoto Hotaru! We are supposed to go together! You can't just ditch our team and went ahead escalating Waterfall-Rice War out of nowhere!"
"Okay." ( '-')……… (*A* )
(((Now)))
And I ditched them again. Sorry Kurenai, its easier for the The Writer to write this arc without taking your perspective into account. Do you know how annoying it is to write multiple characters dialogues within the same scene? This is why The Writer usually keeps character interaction 1 to 1. Even 3 character scenes is already a pain in the ass to write.
The world will be much easier if this fanfic is made in manga form.
Anyway, I need to reach Denver, the capital of Snow. Why the fuck did the Snow cities are named after American cities is beyond me, let alone why Denver is the capital.
Right now, the closest Dome City in my vicinity is Los Angeles. I will infiltrate into LA and rest for a bit while doing some information gathering. The thing about sailing solo while knowing nothing about navigation is that one may find oneself landed completely at the wrong bay. I just stole a speedboat and sail north. That's it.
According to MGR, the next boss in my list is Mistral. Now who the fuck going to take that role? Surely it's not Konan! That's out of my paygrade right now!
I just hope whatever crazy chick that got that role is just some filler character I can easily beat.
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((((AN))))
I just late for a few days and it feels weird that I didn't have anything to upload. At the start I upload daily, then it goes once every 2 or 3 days.
I started this random ass fic coz I don't feel like drawing for awhile. But now, doing fanfics are actually interrupting what I actually want to do, which is finishing the first vol of my OG manga. I should have finished by now and just doing editing by now. Now I have 40 unfinished pages out of 55 page of the current chapter I am drawing. After that I have a whole another chapter to draw to finish up the vol.
So now, I am fixing up my interrupted scheduling. No worries, I'm not cancelling SAANIN and Drifting Legacy like Hobo in Orario. Just that I will be stopping frequent updates from now on. I will be updating once a week starting from the upload of this chapter.