Lucy digs herself out of a shallow grave and shakes the dirt out of her hair and clothes. "Nothing like a good dirt nap to make you feel so alive."

Zombies on Aisle 9

The Louds and Grim were in Vanzilla as it drove down the highway. Lincoln was working on a list before noticing the readers. "I bet you're wondering if we're going on a family trip today. Well, we are, to a huge superstore in Saginaw named Ed's Club, and they're supposed to have everything!'

Luna ruffled Lincoln's hair, "You got that right, dude! All the guitar strings and picks I'll ever need!"

"Clothing racks that go on for miles and miles!" Leni gushed.

"Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles!" Lana sang out.

"And it's one of the few superstores left that sells firearms in bulk!" Luan added.

"Wait, why would you know that?" Lincoln asked.

Luan shrugged, "What's with the third degree? Can't I know some retail trivia?"

Rita turned to face her children, "Now kids, I want you all to be on your best behavior so we don't get banned from this store! It wasn't easy to gain membership!"

...

A few days ago, Rita sat across from a very massive man wearing round glasses and a smile that might have once belonged to a snake, "So...Mrs. Loud, you wish to join our retail membership?"

Rita nodded, "Yes Mr..." she read the nameplate on the desk, "Edgar?"

Edgar quickly took out a few forms, "Wonderful! We just need a few simple things. Give us your name, address, social security number, and a blood sample of your firstborn child."

Rita signed the papers and handed over a vial of blood, "I always have some on hand!"

Edgar took the papers and vial and put them in his filing cabinet, "And now, the most important thing: your 250-dollar membership fee! We also accept Canadian dollars, Crypto, conflict diamonds, full-grown goats-"

"Do you accept gift cards?"

...

Lynn Sr. frowned at Rita, "Wait, you gave them the steakhouse card?"

Rita narrowed her eyes, "Honey, we haven't eaten there in ten years."

Lynn Sr. shrugged, "It was still usable!"

In the back, Lisa was uncharacteristic giddy, "This is quite exciting! Even though statistically speaking, these membership warehouse stores are a scam."

Lynn frowned at her, "Then why are you coming with us?"

"Are you kidding? They sell candy there in five-pound bags!"

Leni gasped, "You're going to rot your teeth, Lisa!"

Lisa shrugged, "I doubt they can harm my prosthetic teeth."

Grim scoffed, "Yet another testament to humanity's mass consumption. I'm only comin' along because it be better than stayin' at the house with Eris."

"So...we just left the Goddess of Chaos alone in our house without supervision?" Lucy asked.

"Relax Lucy, she's hooked on that Amongst Us game. That'll keep her busy enough." Lincoln assured her.

"She still hasn't made a dress for me yet!" Lola complained.

...

Soon enough, the family pulled into the parking lot of Ed's Club which was full of parked vehicles. Many shopping carts were also strewn about, as the average shopper is a horrible failure of a human being. There were two cart collectors outside trying their best, but you try bringing in ten carts at a time when usually twenty people enter the store at-

Okay, I took a deep breath.

The Louds and Grim got out of Vanzilla and made their way to the entrance where there were big metal gates and a teenager with a monobrow wearing the nametag "Edward" was in the security booth. He noticed the group and greeted them, "Hello! Membership papers, please."

Rita put some documents into a slot the security booth had, and Edward looked through them and handed them back, "Two adults, ten kids, and one Grim Reaper. Okay, stay still for the scan!"

A bright green light from the booth went over the Louds and Grim. An alarm went off.

"Sorry folks, no outside food or beverages." Edward then told them.

"Outside food or- okay, who has candy?" Rita turned around and glared at the kids.

Lola then pointed at Lynn, "Lynn has a water bottle."

Lynn rolled up her sleeves, "You're such a snitch! You know what you're gonna get?"

Rita picked up Lynn and dug into her shorts to take out a half-filled water bottle. She threw it into the trash can conveniently near the doors.

"Oh, come on! It's just water!" Lynn protested.

"Sorry miss, no exceptions! Scanning again!" Edward ran the scan again, and no alarm went off. He then pushed a button to open the gate. "Enjoy your visit!"

"That water cost me eight dollars..." Lynn grumbled.

"Where in the world did you buy water for eight dollars?" Rita asked.

...

Back in Royal Woods at Flip's Food and Fuel, Flip snickered to himself as he looked over his massively upcharged stock.

...

Back at Ed's Club, the Louds and Grim had entered the store. The parents turned towards the kids, "We've got Lily. Does everyone have their phones?" Rita asked.

All the kids showed their phones.

Lynn Sr. nodded with a smile, "Good! We'll send you a text when it's time to go. Everyone try to stick to an older sister or Grim and for goodness sake do NOT get us kicked out of this store, or you'll all be eating canned spam for a month."

Everyone but Lana made a nauseous face, "What? Spam is alright." she told them.

Just then, a bespectacled Asian man walked past with a cart filled with canned spam.

"See? That fella knows what's up." Lana remarked.

The kids started splitting up with the twins following Leni, Lisa going off with Luna, Lynn running off on her own, and Luan had vanished somehow. This left Lincoln, Lucy, and Grim together, "So, what are you kids aiming to waste your money on today?" Grim asked.

Lincoln pulled out his list that hit the floor and trailed away from the three, "I got a lot of stuff I need to get today! Oh, but we can make time for anything you need to get, Lucy."

Lucy shrugged, "All I really need is more ink and paper."

"Guess we're heading for the stationary and hobby department! Let's go!" Lincoln led the way.

"...he seems oddly peppy today." Grim remarked.

"Don't spoil it." Lucy told him.

...

Luan was at the counter in the Survivor Department and tapped her chin before pointing at two purchases, "Gonna need two of these, and four of those."

The cashier, a grizzled looking man with the nametag "Edek" punched in the order at the register "Okay, that's two crates of AK-47s, and four boxes full of 7.62 Soviet magazines."

Luan smiled, "Purely for recreational use!"

Edek looked Luan over, "I'm going to need to see your ID, miss."

Luan pulled out a plastic card, "Here ya go."

Edek took and blankly looked at the card, he then put on some reading glasses and took a closer look, "...Hilaria Harmidomska, age twenty-five...from Hawaii?"

Luan kept her calm smile, "Uh, yeah! Aloha."

"Hold on, there's something wrong..." Edek took another look at the card, and then back at Luan who seemed to start to sweat a bit while her teeth clenched, "...this ID is expired."

Luan nearly fell over, "WHAT?"

Edek showed the card and pointed at the expiration date, "Yeah, about a week ago too. You may want to visit the secretary of state office."

Luan got the card back and cursed under her breath, "Dang it, Flip..."

Edek shrugged, "Hey, feel free to peruse our other offers such as machetes and hatchets."

Luan lit up a bit, "Okay, what about pepper spray?"

Edek shook his head, "Oh, you need ID for that."

"...for non-lethal pepper spray?"

Edek shrugged.

"Possibly because they contain harmful chemicals!" exclaimed a ripped man with a hardcore aesthetic.

Luan turned to see the man and gasped, "Wow! Rip Hardcore? Do you shop here too?"

Rip smiled, "Sure do! This is my favorite store to stock up on surplus MREs, and I'm not saying that *just* to get a discount!"

"Wait, isn't your show about surviving with barely anything?"

"This isn't for the show. It's to save money and time for meal prep during the off-season."

...

Lisa smiled wide as she looked around the Confectionery Department, squeeing at one item in particular, "Sweet Newton's Apple! The rumors were true! Massive jawbreakers!"

Luna giggled as she followed with a small cart, "Dude, you're drooling." Luna noticed a shopper down the aisle mindlessly shoving stuff into their cart with a gaping maw and soulless eyes, "Heh, looks like you aren't the only one too!"

"Candy..." moaned the shopper as he impusely grabbed one of everything.

Suddenly, the shopper was grabbed from behind by another person and then bitten on the shoulder.

"Ah! What the heck, man!" Yelled the candy shopper as he pushed the biter back.

"Brains..." moaned the biter.

Yeah, this is a zombie. What? You knew they were going to show up sooner or later.

Upon seeing the shopper being eaten alive by the zombie, Luna quickly scooped up Lisa.

"Wait older sibling! I still need my jawbreakers!"

"Forget it, Lis! We gotta run to the hills! Run for our lives!"

...

Grim took out his scythe and quickly looked around, "I feel a great disturbance in the air."

"Hey, it wasn't me." Lincoln quickly said, "I'm not the one who ate microwave bean burritos this morning."

Lucy looked around too, "No Lincoln, something unnatural is happening in this store."

Lincoln shrugged, "I'm sure it can't be that bad."

Just then, a mob of zombies appeared from a nearby aisle, "Brains..." they moaned as they shambled towards our trio.

Lincoln frowned and glared at me, "You couldn't let me have ONE DAY, couldn't you?"

Hey, if I didn't, there'd be no chapter.

"It could've been a breather chapter!"

Just stick to the script.

The zombies shambled closer and Grim got in front of the kids and twirled his scythe, making supernatural fire to block the undead group. "Zombies, great, this is just what we need."

"Can't you just reap them?" Lucy asked.

"They are not dead, Lucy. That's the problem with zombies, them walking around means they still have some life in them, but we should be safe for-"

Just then, the fire was put out by an Ed's Club employee with a fire extinguisher, "Are you crazy? You can't start fires in the store! You'll burn the merchandise!" Yelled the bespectled employee with the nametag Edna.

Lincoln pointed at her, "Ma'am, do you work here? We got zombies!"

Edna looked at the zombies and looked back, "Yes, I work here, I'm a manager. And I know just how to fix a zombie attack, first-"

Edna was cut off by being grabbed by a zombie from the horde who took a bite out of her. She started to scream as she was being devoured by the group.

Lincoln, Lucy, and Grim watched in shock and terror at the violence and gore.

"Okay Grim, you're Plan B." Lucy bluntly said.

"Let's start by getting away." Grim said as he gently pushed Lincoln and Lucy away from the zombies.

They ended up running into Lynn, "Hey guys, I feel hungry, can I-"

Grim quickly used his scythe on Lynn, separating her head from her body.

"Grim! You just decapitated Lynn!" Lincoln shouted.

"Ooops! Uh, she was a zombie, right?" Grim asked.

Lucy nonchalantly picked up Lynn's head. It had cartoon Xs in place of eyes. "Sure, let's go with that. Now grab her body and let's move!"

...

Meanwhile, Leni and the twins were in the Fashion department looking at clothes on clearance sale.

"Hm...none of these seem too spectacular, but I bet I can use some for materials!"

Just then, a zombie walked right up to Leni, groaning, "Braiiiins..."

Leni sniled at the zombie, "Brain? I think they got that in the deli!"

The zombie was dumbfounded and started to shamble away from her, "Braiiiins..."

Leni waved goodbye, "You're welcome!"

...

Luna banged on the metal gate that was the exit, "Hey man! You gotta let us out! There's something crazy going on!"

Edward addressed her from the safety of the security booth, "It's not crazy, it's just a zombie outbreak! And according to my employee handbook, the doors must remain shut during a zombie outbreak to keep zombies inside!"

"But dude, we aren't zombies!"

"That's exactly what a zombie would say! You will not eat my brain!"

Lisa rolled her eyes as she worked on a tablet she had, "As if he has one."

The Loud parents then arrived with Lily and a cart, "Thank goodness you two are okay! Where are the others?"

"Fret not parental units, I am tracking them as we speak." Lisa informed them, "Though it looks like something happened to Lynn."

Lynn Sr. beamed, "Whatever it is, I'm sure she can handle it."

...

Grim, Lincoln, Lucy, and Lynn's dismembered head trotted through the store dodging the many groups of zombies.

"Okay Grim, how do we stop the zombies?" Lucy asked.

Grim tapped his jaw, "It would help if we knew where they came from. If it was supernatural magic I could fix it no problem, but if it be more scientific or if they're just convinced they're living dead, it'll be harder."

Lincoln took out his phone and called a certain Goddess, "Eris! Did you use your apple to make zombies?"

Eris made a face on video call, "Ew! If I WERE to do something disgusting like that, I'd be there to watch you dorks be torn to pieces. Now shoo, I'm having fun messing with grown adults playing children's games."

Eris ended the call, Grim gave Lincoln a judging glare, "I told ya to block her!"

Lincoln shrugged, "She won't leave me alone! What am I supposed to do?"

"Block her!"

"More zombies!" Lucy interjected.

Indeed, another group of zombies ambushed the trio as two of them were bickering.

Suddenly, the group of zombies were taken out by a red dirtbike sliding sideways into them. Riding the bike were Rip and Luan.

"It's Rip Hardcore!" Lincoln cheered.

Grim waved, "Ooh! Hi Rip Hardcore!"

Rip looked at Grim, "Huh? Oh, hi Grim! I felt I'd run into you here!"

"Wait, you know him?" Lucy asked

Grim nodded, "Sure do! Rip Hardcore has had several near-death experiences, which means I had several near-Rip Hardcore experiences! He even signed me copy of his book!"

Grim took out a book from his robe and inside the cover was written: "To Grim, thanks for all the motivation to stay alive! -Rip"

Lincoln was in awe, "Wow! You're a fan too?"

Grim nodded and put the book away, "It's more I took an interest in his skill at avoiding me. The closest he came to biting it was during Rushcon when he got mobbed by fans."

"I remember that! There were several deaths and one birth!"

"Uh, hey, speaking of death, is Lynn dead?" Luan asked, poking Lynn's severed head.

"Oh, she's fine. Grim's not reaping her until I say so." Lucy told her.

Just then, Lincoln got a notification on his phone and looked at it, "Hey, I just got a text from Luna! She says the store is on lockdown until the zombies are stopped!"

Rip rubbed his chin, "That sounds hard, I don't think we can take them all on. Not unless we had ten of those guys." Rip pointed over at the bespectled Asian man from earlier who was staring down at a crowd of zombies a few aisles away.

The bespectacled Asian man took a deep breath, he firmly spread his legs into a Horseback Stance, then he pulled out a submachine gun from his coat and fired into the crowd. Wait, did he have that the ENTIRE TIME? WHY?

"Oh hey, suvivors." Remarked another employee with a nametag reading "Eda" who was on her phone, "Relax, management is dealing with the outbreak as we speak."

"Hey, should you really be on your phone at work?" Grim asked.

"I'm on my mandatory union-regulated fifteen-minute break, sir." She countered without looking up.

"Uh, miss, your manager is Edna, right?" Lincoln asked.

Eda nodded, "Yeah, she's usually the one who puts out fires like this and fixes everything."

"The zombies got her." Lucy bluntly stated.

"Oh, shoot. Guess we're stuck here until the nightshift manager clocks in." Eda dryly remarked.

Luan's eye twitched a little, "Does this happen often?'

Eda shrugged, "These things happen sometimes, people who shop here too much become zombies."

"You're kidding." Grim remarked.

Another shrug, "Well, that's the explanation Corporate tells us to give."

"What else does Corporate tell you to say?" Lincoln asked.

"Hold on," Eda took out a script and cleared her throat, "It most definitely isn't the food from the deli. Any rumors of parasitic brain worms in the food is heresy from our competitors."

"...so it's brain worms." Lucy stated.

Eda tossed the script, "Yeah, but you didn't hear that from me."

Rip slammed his right fist onto his left palm, "Brain worms! I've dealt with them before in the jungles of Laos! We're gonna need a lot of sushi!"

"Why? Are you going to fish them to death?" Luan asked.

"No time to explain, you'll see!"

"There's sushi in the deli. Have at it." Eda told them.

...

Back at the entrance, Leni approached while pushing a cart full of clothes, "Hey family! There's nobody working the checkout lanes. Weird, huh?"

"Leni! Where's Lana and Lola?" Rita asked.

"Relax mother, my tracking device says they're under the clothing." Lisa assured her.

Leni nodded, "They seemed a bit grouchy, so I made them a clothes bed to nap in."

Lynn Sr. walked over, "Great thinking Leni, the two can sleep peacefully through this-"

As soon as Lynn Sr. got within reach, Lana and Lola jumped out of the clothes groaning, "Braiiiins!"

Next, they tackled their father who screamed as he fell onto his back.

"Hmm, guess they didn't have a good nap." Leni lamented.

...

Lincoln, Lucy, Grim, Luan, Rip, and Lynn's disembered head made it to the deli where they found retail-grade sushi.

"There's just something fishy about this." Luan remarked.

The rest of them gave her a dirty look.

Luan shrugged, "Hey, it's how I'm coping! If I don't joke through this, I'll freak out!"

Her yelling drew the attention of a lone zombie who shambled towards the group.

Rip grabbed a roll of sushi and threw it at the approaching zombie. The sushi landed in the zombie's gaping maw and he started to bite down. Soon enough, their eyes started to come back into focus, "Brai...huh? What am I doing here?"

"...wait, that worked?" Lincoln asked.

Rip nodded, "Yeah! The protein, vitamins, antioxidants, and omega-3 fatty acids overfeed the brain worms and after fed, they perish!"

Lucy smiled, "Death by gluttony, nice."

Luan frowned, "...this feels anticlimactic."

Grim shrugged, "Eh, I'll take it. We gotta wrap this up, I want to get home before me show starts."

The five of them (with bodies) grabbed as many sushi trays they could carry and proceded to run around the store, tossing sushi at every zombie in sight.

In a visual medium, we'd have a montage. Grim dumped some sushi on the floor and swatted them with his scythe. Luan loaded her trays into a slingshot and fired them into crowds. Lucy used telekinetic powers- wait, when did she...eh, go along with it. Rip placed proximity mimes on a few and set them to launch towards the enemy. Lincoln just threw them regularly since he's boring like that.

Thankfully, even the ones who were badly damaged were brought back to normal as good as used.

Soon enough they ran into the rest of the Loud family, all zombies aside from Leni who just followed them, "Ooh, are we doing a spooky dance?" she asked.

Sushi got thrown into all of their mouths, even Leni. "Aah! Ooh, this is good!"

Not too long after that, the zombie oubreak was over and what was left were a bunch of confused and angry customers.

Edna, the manager in charge if you recall, tried addressing everyone with the PA: "Uh...attention previously undead customers, we would like to formally apologize for the minor inconvenience. Anyone who has been affected by the infection is welcome to come to the service desk for a rebate on today's purchases as long as you sign an NDA..."

...

As the Louds loaded their purchases into their car, one bespectacled Asian fellow took the time to take his cart to the nearby corral, restoring some of my faith in humanity. I still say they're overall doomed.

"Well...that went as good as it could." Rita remarked.

Mr. Loud was stone-faced, "Let's just hurry home so I don't cry in public. Again."

Lisa was grinning madly at the massive jawbreaker that was as big as her head, putting a pin on that minor subplot.

Lincoln was giddy with all his purchases, "Aside from the zombies, this has been great! I met Rip Hardcore, found a bunch of stuff I wanted, and didn't need to pay much for it!'

"Lynn still has her head off." Lucy reminded him.

"Oops, meant to fix that." Grim remarked, he put Lynn's head on her body and snapped his fingers.

Lynn blinked a few times, "...why does my everything hurt?"

"Grim, you put it on backwards!" Lincoln pointed out.

Grim groaned, "You kids are never happy..." he cut off Lynn's head again, put it on the correct way, and snapped his fingers again.

Lynn took a deep breath, "Stop doing that, I've been through enough today!"

Grim shrugged, "Hey, it's not my fault the author hates you."

Luan smirked, "Just be glad we're leaving while you're a-head!"