***Chapter 48***

**Jason's POV**

I was frozen to my core as Aria spoke. Her big eyes unfocused, refusing to look at me. Her hand had gone limp in mine. Where it had once been warm and alive, it felt cold and still. Aria was trembling ever so slightly. There was more to the story than what she said. Her haunted expression looked like she was back in the memories. Dissociating, that was the clinical word for it. Reliving the horrors that accompanied the punishment that he dealt her. More than anything, I wanted to reach out to her, hold her close, and keep her safe from everything. But with a sinking sensation in my stomach, I knew I couldn't. The very last thing that I ever wanted was to hurt her, for her to be afraid of me. She had flinched so much, been so jumpy, so obviously terrified when anyone moved around her. How could I make it worse?

I remembered waking her up last night. How she had frozen on the bed, clearly waiting for a blow to come. Seen the hints of bruising on her neck, the crescent-shaped scabs that had been there since she first came back. Had watched her shut down so many times in the last day. Hearing the horrifying sound of her breath stopping. My heart pounded in my chest every time she did it. Fear seeming to freeze her lungs. She had been so quiet as though every sound was dangerous.

So I stayed silent. Waiting a little longer so she could free herself from the memories. Not knowing what I could do to bring her back to the present. And feeling so guilty that I had pushed her. This was my fault. She was feeling this fear because of me. I had tried to give her space. But today had changed that. I took a deep breath, wanting to be patient, but hoping there was something I could do to help.

"Aria?" I tried, watching her face closely for a reaction. There was nothing there.

Her eyes were open. But no one was home. I had seen some things in my life, in the dark parts that had pushed me far enough to go to rehab and sober up. The drinking and drugs had left me strung out with others as desperate as myself. And that's what her eyes reminded me of right now. Not the desperation to escape. But the deadened expression when a hit was just right and there was nothing tying you to the earth anymore. She was completely gone.

Space and time were things that I know were necessary from counseling, that pushing when someone wasn't ready could make everything worse. But I couldn't help the feeling that it was hurting her more than anything else. That she had built all these walls and shoved what had happened to her into a box and refused to deal with it. And now she was trapped behind those walls.

Gently, I squeezed her hand. Hoping it would draw some reaction from her. I checked her heartbeat subtly, pressing my fingers into her wrist and felt it fluttering, racing too fast beneath her skin. I knew that this was a mistake. That I shouldn't have pressed her. The panic was beginning to well in my chest, afraid to drag her from the nightmare she was still trapped in. And afraid to leave her there any longer. My head was killing me and the indecision was only making this worse.

Then she stopped breathing.

I had heard her breath stop so many times since she had been back. Watched her completely shut down in an attempt to be quiet. But it felt different. Seeing her so empty and hearing the breath stop in her lungs was too much to bear. Too close to losing her. Too much like the fear that she was lost and never coming back.

I grabbed her shoulders, desperately wanting to grab her into a hug but worried that she wouldn't recognize me. I called her name. And like magic, her mouth opened and she gasped for air. Panic blossomed in her eyes, awful but reassuring. That she was terrified killed me but gave me hope at the same time. She was still in there.

"Aria, how can I help?" I asked, trying to drag her back to the kitchen here with me.

I watched as her hazel eyes dilated, eyes coming back into focus on me. She leaned the slightest bit towards me, so subtly that I doubted it was intentional. I wouldn't have even noticed if I wasn't hyper aware of her every movement at the moment. Cataloguing every twitch and spasm to try and keep her safe. She took a shuddering breath, that turned into a shiver. Her whole body was shaking suddenly, and when I glanced down there were goosebumps up her arms.

"What can I do?" I pressed, desperate for a response.

It wasn't slow. She lurched forward into me, bumping her mostly empty mug of hot chocolate out of the way. And for the second time in a day, I had my arms full of Aria as she crashed into me. But this time there wasn't a box between us. It took me a moment to respond and shift away from the counter so that I could wrap my arms around her.

"Can we go upstairs?" she asked softly, face buried in my chest.

I muttered a 'yeah' when she didn't pull away, not even when I stood up. My muscles ached, but she seemed desperate to hold on a little longer. So I shifted down, and just like earlier lifted her up and held her against me. The muscles in my back protested even at her relatively slight weight, but I left the mugs where they were on the counter and started upstairs. Hopefully, Ali wouldn't come out of her room while I was carrying Aria around like a ragdoll. It was only after I placed her down on my bed that I realized that she was wearing pajamas.

"You didn't just come over here to talk, did you?" I realized aloud, minutes after it should have clicked.

Her hand, which had remained wrapped in my shirt even as I set her down, tightened for a moment before releasing. I pulled away from her, kneeling next to the bed to stay close. As soon as her hand left me, she gave a shiver.

"I couldn't sleep at my house." she said, raising her gaze to meet my eyes. There was worry pinching her face. "I don't mean to assume."

"It's not a problem." I tried to reassure with a small smile. "I'm not really supposed to sleep anyway. You can crash in my bed, I'll just be downstairs."

There was irritation in her expression now, added to the worry. The furrow between her brows deepened and her lips pinched tightly. I hesitated as I knelt in front of her, unsure of what the best thing to do here was. She had wanted to go upstairs and I had naturally taken her to my room. But she probably had meant Ali's room. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, feeling the massive bump in the back and the shocking amount of pain that the touch caused.

"Jason, how bad was that hit?" she asked and suddenly she was back to being the fiery pixie from before the life rising back into her features with beautiful color, her hand came up as though to hit me in the shoulder before she stopped herself. "Let me see."

"Aria, it's no big deal." I did not want her focused on my injuries. It was bad enough that I had pushed her tonight. That I had even brought her to the arcade and I knew that her own injuries were from me tackling her to the ground. I didn't want her to know about all the bruises on my back or the bump on my was dealing with enough that I just kept adding onto the list, I could handle my own injuries. She needed to be focused on herself and healing, not on me.

"No, Jason. It is a big deal. You got hurt." There was a crease between her eyebrows as she frowned at me, her lips pinching together in a frustrated pout.

She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, hands reaching forward and sliding into my hair. I shuddered at how close she was to me and the feel of her fingers against my scalp. I closed my eyes against the sensation, blocking out her face. She reached further back, and I winced when her hand found the knot at the back of my head. Her hands pulled away, but settled on my shoulders. I didn't expect her touch to continue towards my back and I huffed when she hit one of the bruises on my upper shoulder.

"Let me see, Jason." she repeated, fingers moving to the collar of my shirt and beginning to tug at it.

I stared at her in shock, amazed that she was trying to see the other bruises and going straight for my shirt. Instantly, my hands grabbed hers, holding them still rather than beginning to work the buttons at my collar. The worry in her face was clear. I was torn between not letting her see the bruises on my back and giving in to see the worry leave her face.

"It's fine, Aria, really." I tried to sooth and get her to leave it alone.

"If it's really fine, why won't you let me see?" she rebutted, head tilting slightly to the side in her argumentative way.

With a shrug, I let go of her hands, letting her lead the contact. Her fingers quickly unbuttoned my shirt, before pushing it back off my shoulders. I was still wearing an undershirt, but I knew that at least one of the bruises was visible on my upper arm. Her brows furrowed, a deep crease between them. I let the shirt go off my wrists and fall to the ground as her fingers prodded gently at the bruise on my arm. I felt her shift closer to me, before she pressed for me to turn around. Slowly I moved so that my back was to her and waited for her touch on the bruises there. Her fingers were gentle as they moved across my skin, then over the fabric. She pulled at the fabric of my undershirt, moving it up my back, then her fingers pressed against one of the swollen circular bruises and I winced.

"Jason." she breathed, concern heavy in her voice despite the lack of volume.

"I shouldn't have pressed you tonight." I tried to change the subject.

It was easier if I wasn't looking at her face, yet more terrifying not watching the reaction there. I couldn't tell what the impact of my words on her was. It felt dangerous, like I couldn't tread carefully if I wasn't watching her face.

"You didn't." she assured, hands stilling on my skin.

I didn't want to turn too fast. Didn't want to spook her. But slowly, I shifted, feeling her hold on me moving along with as I slowly turned. Finally, I managed to turn back to watch her face. Her eyes had filled with tears, but she was clearly present now and staring straight into my eyes.

"I think you're the only one who hasn't pressed me, actually." she continued, a little quirk to her lips.

What had the others been doing to push her so hard? I knew I had pressed her for info today, normally I tried to give her space, but the arcade had pushed me far enough that I was desperate for answers. But as soon as I had watched her close up, I knew it had been a mistake. Knew that she needed to take the time and space to process on her own. And when it came down to it, she didn't owe me anything.

"I should let you sleep." I broke eye contact, shifting my undershirt to make sure that it was back to covering all the bruises on my back.

I started to raise off my knees to standing, movements stilted with pain, eyes traveling over Aria briefly for a moment. She looked so tired and small curled up on my bed like that. It looked like the weight of everything was crushing down on her. I moved towards the door, I could hit the light switch and go settle down on the couch to watch some tv. Maybe coffee would keep me going for another day.

"Jason, wait." Aria stopped me, hand reaching out to grab my wrist. "Would you stay with me? At least for a little while?"

I looked down at her, the decision heavy in my head. It didn't feel right to slide into the bed next to her, despite how comfortable we had been last night. I wasn't sure if it was just my concern for giving her space after what she shared with me. Or if it was also that I would probably fall asleep, and I didn't exactly want her to feel responsible or trapped in the bed with me if I wouldn't wake up. While I was wrestling with the decision, she gave my wrist a light squeeze, not pressing but asking all the same.

"Let me hit the lights." I finally conceded, so she released her grasp and scooted over towards the wall.

I hit the overhead light and pushed the door closed. I really didn't want Ali to look in during the night and find us curled up here. With the lights turned off, there was only a little glow in the room from the alarm clock on the nightstand, and the light that came in from the streetlights outside. I settled down in the bed carefully, feeling out to make sure that I wasn't bumping into Aria as I laid down. As soon as my head was against the pillow, Aria moved into me. She maneuvered my arm so she could rest against it, head on my shoulder. It was the same position that we had been in the previous night, when I woke up and she was curled up next to me. Aside from the lingering pain in my neck, back, and head, it felt like today hadn't happened, and had just been a really bad dream.

"What exactly did the doctor say about your head?" Aria asked as she settled her hand on my chest.

With the lights off and the dark room, some of the pain that had been radiating through my head had diminished. My eyes closed and I lingered in the peace for a moment as I went back over exactly what the doctor had said.

"They were worried that I might have some symptoms and so someone should check in on me to make sure I wasn't having a seizure or something." I explained. "And since the only way out of the hospital tonight was to tell them that someone would be here, I figured I would just stay awake."

She was quiet for a moment, clearly absorbing what I had shared. I doubted that there would actually be any serious complications from the baseball that hit me. They wouldn't have let me out of the hospital if they were really that worried.

"Why did you tell me you shouldn't sleep then?" she questioned, her head had lifted off my shoulder trying to look at me despite the darkness.

"I figured it would be better if I just stayed up." I returned.

"Jason." Her tone was scolding, but there was an undertone that I couldn't tell if it was disappointment or hurt.

"You need to get some rest, Aria. You don't need to be worrying over me." I reassured.

I heard a little huff of breath from her before she pulled away, sitting up in the bed. She was staring at me in the darkness, though I could barely see her with the window at her back.

"Get changed." she ordered, voice low but steady.

"Aria, it's really not a big deal. I'll just chill downstairs later." I reassured, reaching out towards her to tug her back into the position we had just been in. She pushed my hands away.

"Just go get changed into something comfortable to sleep in." she ignored my statement.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Aria." I tried to argue. "Besides, I can always crash on the couch."

"I'm not kicking you out of your bed, Jason." she returned, voice staying quiet. "I want you here and you need the rest."

My heart knocked at her words, pulse picking up a bit with joy and a touch of anxiety. When she gave me a little shove, I gave in. Sighing, I got up from the bed and headed over to the set of drawers. I could find my shorts in the dark. I changed in the bathroom, taking a moment to brush the hot chocolate from my teeth, before returning. She was still sitting exactly as I had left her, only now her gaze was fixed on the window. She turned when the door opened, and in the quick flash of light I saw a small smile on her face, before the darkness returned. The covers were pulled back and ready for me as I climbed in and settled down. She fell right back to how we just were comfortably, and gave a little pleased sigh as her hand came to rest on my chest once more.

"Happy now?" I questioned, mostly teasing as I closed my eyes.

"Yep," she murmured. "And maybe this way you'll be less grumpy tomorrow, once you've gotten some sleep."

I made a noncommittal noise in return, not wanting to give her the satisfaction. Even if this was amazingly comfortable considering all the bumps and bruises on my back. My eyes slipped closed and despite the coffee that I had tried to keep me running, I felt myself begin to drift off quickly.

"Jason?" she questioned, drawing me back to the present moment. "What are we going to tell the others tomorrow?"

I brought my other arm around to stroke her hair, trying to sooth her worries that were keeping her awake. She sighed at the touch, but I could still feel the tension in her frame. I knew that the others had been pressing her. She had said as much a couple times already. Talking would probably be good for her, but only if she was ready. If they pushed her to talk about things tomorrow she could shut down again, like she had tonight. I didn't want to see that again, even though I knew there was little I could do to prevent it. Aria needed to know she was safe, and that was something that with Charles still out there was hard for any of the girls. Especially with everything that had happened in the last few years.

" You don't have to tell them anything you aren't ready to." I reassured.

She gave a short, derisive laugh at that. "Clearly you don't know how things work. We don't exactly get secrets."

"Aria, I don't know if you've noticed…" I started, trying not to make this sound so terrible. "But most of your life is secrets."

"Not from each other." she responded, letting that linger in the air between us.

I had never thought about it really. That there were things that they would keep from each other. In the past, they had always been giggling and whispering whenever I was in the room, back before Ali disappeared. And then later, when I came back from college it had always been them. Caught up in their own little world. After I learned about Mona and then Charles it made sense that they were trying to team up and work through it together. But it hadn't occurred to me that everything they shared wasn't exactly their choice. It just seemed natural for it to be them against the world.

"Didn't Ali used to say that your secrets kept you close?" I questioned, Ali had shot that line often enough when I had been within earshot.

Aria was quiet again, for longer this time and I thought maybe she had fallen asleep, but the tension in her frame and the pattern of her breathing made that hard to believe. "Shared secrets, yeah. That doesn't mean there haven't been things that we haven't been ready to share with the others. It's just we don't get that option."

"What do you mean?"

She shifted against me, uncomfortable with the topic. But she settled back down easily enough.

"Once A knows a secret, there's like an invisible hourglass, counting down the minutes before they tell one of the others in the worst possible way. We've had to adapt."

There was a trickle of warmth soaking into my shirt, she was crying in the dark. My arms tightened around her holding her closer, wanting to take the pain away from her.

"Whatever you want to tell them, I'll back you. And if they press, I'll get them to back off." I promised, doubting my ability to keep it but I would try my best. "And if it does come out, I'll be there."

"I don't even know why I thought I could keep it a secret. It's just he hasn't said anything… and I thought just maybe this once, I could pretend that he wouldn't. It would just stay in the dollhouse." her voice was hollow again, going back to that place. I was learning to hear it coming, the way her tone flattened out despite the hushed tone she spoke in.

"Aria, you know your friends better than I ever could. But I know they care about you. Tell them it's not something you can talk about right now. They'll hear you and should understand. They don't want to hurt you."

I was fading even as I spoke, the weight of the day pressing down on me and the warmth radiating from Aria was sending me to sleep. She made a little sound as she settled. The conversation coming to a close as she thought over what I had said. I meant it, that I would be there for her. If it meant taking a couple hits from a baseball shooter, so be it. I turned my head towards her, lips finding the top of her head and I breathed in her scent as I began to slip to sleep. As I was drifting I heard a light whisper in a sleepy voice, barely loud enough for me to hear, and maybe more dream than reality.

"We all did though."

**End Chapter**

Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter. I'm gonna take next week off from posting, to get some more written and edited. So will be back the following Friday.

Let me know what ya think.