They were alone in the cab of the truck and the silence was deafening. Anicka had not said anything since they left, she had retreated into herself, and Travis was wondering how to reach her.
Finally he spoke, not because he felt he had to say something but because he was concerned for her. He was used to driving alone, sometimes he'd play the radio, but often the stillness suited him. Not this time.
"What's wrong, Amy, talk to me?" he said, and she looked at him before replying.
"You mean besides the fact that I've killed a man, and I had to leave my brother's body behind because there was no way to retrieve it?" She cried for a few minutes then pulled herself together. "I'm sorry," she said, "It's just that a part of me wants to cry uncontrollably and another doesn't want to let him make me cry. I don't know how to feel about all this."
"It'll take a while," he told her, "You've been through something pretty rough and you're going to have to give yourself time."
"How much time?" she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. "As long as it takes, I guess."
"I could have gone after my brother. If I'd gotten some rock-climbing equipment and rappelled down, I just would have needed help bringing him back up." Self-doubt crept into her voice, it would have been more complicated than that she told self severely.
"You could have gotten down and we could have pulled you up, but finding his body could have been more difficult than that. I don't know much about the train station, and I don't want to know. I think they've been using it for a long time, a lot of secrets in that canyon, Amy."
"My name's not Amy, it's Anicka, it means little Anna. That was the name of my mom's best friend. She died of leukemia the year I was born, It's a strange name but it's my name. I was hiding behind Amy but now I want to come out and be me again."
"Then Anicka is what I'll call you. I liked Amy, I thought it was pretty, but from now on Amy is dead and Anicka has taken her place. Tell me, Anicka, are you hungry?" He had a grin on his face as he asked her.
"No, I'm not hungry. I keep trying to get my ex's face out of my mind and I can't. I was so scared, but I never intended to…" She started crying and could not finish her sentence.
"Look, sweetheart, he was going to hurt you, and you defended yourself. I have no use for men who hurt women and I'm proud of you. Don't let him have power over you just because you did what you had to do to protect yourself. It won't be easy but…"
"Have you ever killed someone?" she asked him.
"No, but I could if I had to. If anyone laid a hand on you I could kill them and not think about it. You are important to me, and I'll protect you with my dying breath."
No one had ever said something like this to her before. She wasn't sure she'd want him to kill anyone for her, but the thought of him wanting to protect her was something she could wrap around herself. She'd killed her ex because she wasn't willing to let him hurt her anymore and she wasn't so sure that he wasn't planning on killing her.
Hearing what he said she wanted to tell Travis that she loved him, but it wasn't the time. She'd only be reacting and besides, he hadn't told her that he loved her. For now love could wait.
"Get some sleep," Travis said to her, "We're going to be on the road for a while. There's a truck stop where we can get something to eat and catch a few hours sleep. Your pup probably needs to be walked, and I'll check on the horses."
"Can't she ride up here with us?" she asked, hoping he'd cave.
"No, she's fine in her crate. There's a rest stop up ahead and you can go to the bathroom and stretch your legs. You can take your dog for a short walk, but don't take too long. I'm anxious to get home and get the horses unloaded." Then he surprised her by leaning over and kissing her, "You've done really well, I'm proud of you."
She was grateful when they pulled into the rest stop. The puppy was eager to get out of her crate and both of them needed to go to the bathroom. It seemed like they hadn't been there that long when Travis told her it was time to get back into the truck. At least she had the truck stop to look forward to.
She thought she'd have no appetite but found herself ravenously hungry when they went to the little café at the truck stop. Truck stops had the best food in the world, only truckers, especially the long haulers knew it. All she knew was that the burger she ordered was huge and juicy, and the fries that went with it were cooked to perfection. She was tempted to order a milkshake but decided on a coke instead. By the time she was done eating her stomach felt like it was going to burst.
When they were done with dinner they took the dog for a walk, running into people Travis knew as well as other truckers who were exercising their dogs before they retired. She was yawning by the time they got back to his rig. He put the puppy in her crate, giving her an apologetic pat, then took Anicka by the hand and led her into the sleeper cab.
She lay on the bed, resting her head on the pillow trying to ignore him as he joined her. She felt him tugging at her tee-shirt saying "no" as he tried to pull it off. He had more success with her jeans.
"I want to sleep, Travis," she said, "I get really bitchy when I haven't had enough sleep."
"You can sleep when you're dead, babe," he whispered in her ear and she giggled, "It won't take that long, I'm kind tired myself."
She could hear him removing his clothes and she pulled off her shirt. What the hell, she thought, he can do most of the work and I'll just go along for the ride. She wished the sleeper cab were a little bigger, but there was just enough room for them to make love. She fell asleep in his arms and didn't wake up until early in the morning.
It was still dark, and she had to feel for her clothes. Fortunately he had slept against the wall of the cab, and she was able to wriggle out of bed and get dressed. She put on her coat then went to the trailer and took the puppy out of her crate.
Candy practically dragged her along until she found the place where she wanted to relieve herself. Then they walked around, checking out the different rigs and seeing where the individual trucks were licensed. She found a restroom because now it was her turn to go and saw that there were showers. Oh, oh, she thought to herself, I could use a shower, Travis could, too. I'll wait until he's awake, but where was that damn café?
She found it and got herself a huge cup of steaming hot coffee. The caffeine slowly worked its way into her system, warming her up inside for the morning was chilly. She took the puppy back to the trailer and fed her, then put her inside her crate.
"Sorry girl," she told her, "If you have to blame someone blame Travis. Don't worry, we'll be at our new home soon and you won't have to stay in your damned crate anymore." She kissed her on her black nose and returned to the sleeper cab.
"Where were you?" Travis demanded in a voice he meant to sound cross, "I woke up and you weren't here."
"I had to walk the pup and then I got some coffee. I had no idea how huge this place is. I even found some showers. This place is amazing."
"Well, a shower does sound good, why don't we take our showers before breakfast? Matt just called and he's on his way, but we'll catch up with him when we get to the house. Are you hungry?"
"Yes, starving," she answered and to him that was good sign.
"Well, let's grab some clean clothes and take our shower, then we'll eat. I'd like to get home tomorrow, but we'll see what happens. If we only make necessary stops I can drive straight through, and we'll get there by sundown. I want to show you your new home, I think you're going to like it. After we get settled in we'll drive to Austin, and you can introduce me to your mom—I don't know what she'll think of me though.
"Well, she'll tell me, you can bet on that. She never liked my ex-husband, so I think you'll be an improvement. I need to see my family, Travis, I've really missed them, like a lot."
The sleeper cab had been too uncomfortable for her to get much sleep, but the shower helped to wake her up. They ate a big breakfast, Anicka to her surprise, was hungry. She devoured the bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, and orange juice that Travis ordered and washed it down with copious amounts of coffee. The big breakfast meant that they could skip lunch and catch dinner on the road.
She took the pup for one last walk then hopped in the cab. She felt alert but the caffeine had made her jittery, she couldn't sit still even though she tried.
There was something wrong, Travis could feel it. Her mood seemed better than the day before, but she sat, unsmiling and uncommunicative. He was going to have to get her to talk, something was bothering her.
"What's going on, Anicka?" he asked, "What's bothering you?"
"So you can tell," she murmured, then drew in a breath, holding it before she let it out. "Tell me," she said, "Do you think someone is going to be able to find my ex's body?"
So that's what's bothering you, he thought then said, "No, I don't. There are one-hundred-and fifty-years worth of Dutton secrets in that canyon, it's a place where they hide things they don't want found. I think your secret is safe."
"Then how did Benito end up there? He's not a Dutton secret, and I don't think they were responsible for his death but someone besides them knew about that place."
"Anicka you don't know that, you were very sick and delirious, your mind could have made all of that up because you worry about what happened to your brother." Travis was trying to sound patient, he could understand how she felt but it didn't make it real.
"You don't believe my vision was real? But I saw him, he sat down on the bed and told me what happened to him. And he was right about the train station."
"Sweetheart, that doesn't make it real. You wanted to know what happened to him, maybe your imagination just filled in the blanks. You wanted to believe that he came to you, so you believe that he did." He would have been impatient with her, but he understood that she wanted to believe. He had never had a brother disappear and would his reactions be any different than hers?
"That's why I wanted to rappel down into the canyon, I want to prove what happened to me was real. If he's down there, I want to bring him home." She sank down into her seat and sighed.
"Maybe that's something that should be left alone," said Travis, "That's family business that you have no business knowing. I know it's hard, but I think you have to leave this alone."
"Maybe they have no business doing things that way, that's what the law and the courts are for. No one should be so powerful that he can take the law into his own hands. John Dutton seemed nice enough, but he seemed like an oligarch, too. It seems that there's right and there's wrong and there's the way John Dutton wants to do things."
He looked at her, not quite believing what he was hearing. He never thought about how John Dutton ran the Yellowstone, he just did business with him. But he wasn't twenty three and idealistic. There was a point where he had had a black and white view of the world, too, but he'd outgrown it long ago.
"Look, sweetheart," he told her, "You're thinking too much, don't. They're going to guard your secret along with theirs. You were in danger, and you defended yourself. Rip wouldn't have helped you if he didn't believe you deserved it. Growing up is never easy and no woman should have to go through what you did. There're better days ahead for you, look at it that way. And you're the bravest little girl I've ever met."