Travis seemed content to lie in bed with her, which surprised her. There was always work to be done on the ranch and he did not believe in being indulgent or lazy,. Yet here he was, lying next to her in bed in the middle of the afternoon.
She didn't remember when he fell asleep, she was only conscious of the sound of his steady breathing. She lay awake for a while, watching him, until she too fell asleep, lulled by the warmth that his body seemed to generate. Even when he woke he did not seem inclined to leave their bed, but tightened his grip around her and kissed her silky hair.
"Do you ever think about having kids?" he asked out of the blue, startling her. She had not expected the question, and it took her a moment to find an answer.
She took a deep breath, this was going to be hard. "I was pregnant once, with his baby," referring to her ex, "I was going to tell him, but he hit me before I had a chance to. That was the moment I decided to have an abortion. That was the night I ran away with just my pregnant cat."
"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't know but…"
She cut him off, "It's all right, only a few people outside my family know. I went from loving him to resenting him, no hating him. My brother got my marriage annulled, and while my mother was nursing me back to health I decided that I'd get an abortion. There was no point in having a kid, I was only twenty-two, how was I going to support it? I didn't want to be stuck living with my mother and raising a baby. Besides, he would have tried to get custody, or at least visitation and I never would have been free of him."
"Well," he asked, "How do you feel about having a baby now, or sometime in the future?"
"Travis," she said, "First, I want to make something of myself, then I can think about motherhood. I was happy when I found out I was pregnant, but when he beat me everything changed in an instant. I have an implant now that I can have removed when I'm ready to think about babies."
"I've been thinking," he told her, "If we got married you could use it as an excuse for changing your name. I know you're afraid of your ex's family trying to find you and maybe changing your name will help. I want to marry you," he said, "We could have any kind of wedding that you want. We could go all out and have a big one, or we could get married at the courthouse. Anything you want is fine with me."
"I don't want a big wedding. I thought I had the wedding of my dreams and look at how it turned out. When we decide to get married let's do it at the court house and have a reception here. We can invite your friends and have a wedding feast and maybe a cake, too. I'd like to invite my family but it's better if they don't know where I am."
"Then go into town and find yourself a pretty dress," he told her, "I'm going to look for a ring and find someone who will perform the ceremony for us. We can keep it simple, Rita can do the cooking, there isn't a better cook in all of Texas. And there won't be any strip poker, I promise."
She giggled, it was the right thing to say to break the tension, almost. She bunched the sheet tightly in her fist, "God, Travis, I wish I knew what was going to happen. When Rip took his body to the Train Station I thought I was done with him for good, then I remembered his family. It's so unfair. He thought he could force me to leave with him but there was no way I would. What I did was to defend myself, and I think he might still have been alive when Rip found us."
"You forget that you may have a good case for self-defense. He was trying to force you to come with him, that's kidnapping. You fought back, you were afraid of him for good reason. The last time you saw him he beat you so badly he gave you a concussion. You had an order of protection against him, which means he was not allowed to approach you. You had your marriage annulled and he still tried to force you to come with him. I can hook you up with a lawyer if you like so you can find out more about this."e He
"No, I don't want to talk to anyone right now," she said
, "The fewer people who know about this, the better. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope his family doesn't find me. Unless someone told them, maybe they won't know that I'm back in Texas and living with you. When I'm not thinking about this I feel safe. Thinking too much gets me in trouble."
He kissed her silky blond head. "Then don't think. I'll keep you too busy to think. If something happens and you need a lawyer, I'll find you the best."
"Someone will have to find Rip a lawyer, too. When he saw what had happened he told me to leave, and I don't know what he did after that. It's not like he was my accomplice, I didn't even know he was in the barn, I would have called for him if I knew. This is such a mess, Travis, I just hope it doesn't go any further than it has. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of his family."
Travis kept his promise about keeping her busy. Every morning she would meet Matt in the arena, and he would put her through her paces. She'd gone beyond circling the arena, and he had put her in a saddle and worked on teaching her to guide horses by applying pressure from her legs.
She often felt frustrated, and Matt had to remind her that she was still learning. She sat well and had good posture. She'd been picking up speed as she rode her horse in circles and didn't panic if the horse started going faster than she was ready for. The horse and rider must act as a unit in reining, and she was gradually improving each day. However, Matt had not yet instructed her on the maneuvers needed for arena performances.
"You're not ready yet," Matt would tell her, "Travis and I want you to learn to do this right. I saw how frustrated you got trying to back your horse up bareback, but you persisted, and you mastered it. Tell you what, when I'm satisfied with how you're doing I'm going to teach you to slide your horse. It's scary at first, but it's fun. Remember what my Commanche great-grandfather use to say, "Slow to learn, slow to forget."
One day when Travis dropped her off at the arena she saw that Matt standing with two saddled horses. They weren't plain saddles either, but saddles that were used for showing.
When he saw her he gave her a big grin. "Graduation day," he told her, "You're doing well so now it's time to join the big kids. You've learned a lot and now I want you to follow me around the arena and do exactly what I do. Don't hold back because you're nervous, just do it. You've come further than you think!"
She wasn't so sure, but ever the good pupil she did as she was told. Maybe she didn't do it as easily as he did, but she circled the arena, backed up her horse, rode him sideways, did the spins that she and the horse loved. After she finished, she realized that he had taken her through a routine. It was an easier one designed for a beginner, but she had done it. All that had been lacking was the slides that every rider employed.
"Okay," said Matt, "Not bad, I'll do it one more time with you, then you'll do it on your own. Are you ready?"
No, she thought, but she nodded. They rode around the arena, doing the basic tricks that reiners employed.
"Okay," he said when they finished, "Now it's your turn. Don't be nervous, don't be afraid to make mistakes, just feel it. Remember, this horse is smarter than you and he knows what he's doing. If what you do isn't exactly like mine, that's fine. Be one with the horse, that's the point of reining."
So she did. She tried her hardest to exactly as Matt had showed her but allowed herself to make mistakes. She surprised herself by being happy with her performance because it just felt right.
She rode up to him, smiling. "I know it wasn't perfect, but it felt good, it was fun."
"Then you've got the general idea," he told her, "You're ready to practice on your own now. Watch a lot of training films and use what you see to make your own routine. But first, I'm going to teach you to slide horses. It may seem a little scary at first, but it's fun believe me."
They spent the rest of their time teaching her how to slide her horse. The idea was to build up speed, then tell the horse to stop and let him care of the rest. The first time she tried it she was terrified, the more she did it the more fun it became.
"I didn't think I could do it, honestly," she said to him after she did the perfect slide, "Then it just sort of happened and went from being scary to fun. I think I understand why you do this, I know showing horses is a serious business, but this is fun. Cutting and roping is like ranch work, but this is something different. I wasn't so sure at first, but I'm glad I learned this, and I had a good teacher!"
There was a big smile on her face when Travis picked her up. He didn't need to ask her how it went, her smile said it all.
"I guess I'm going to have to find you a trainer now," he said and smiled, "Looks like Matt can get back to his business. And maybe get a new horse if I don't have one that suits you. Your little bay mare is good for riding, but she's not a show horse."
"I know," she said, "I was dreading this at first, but now I know that I'll be ready to get into the arena. I couldn't have done this when I was living at home. I didn't know competing was so expensive. We couldn't have afforded a trainer, or even getting me the right horse and tack."
"It's not cheap," Travis agreed with her, "It's a business and it can be a profitable one. Of course your parents couldn't afford it, most people can't. I make my living showing and training horses. I've worked hard to get where I am. When I was your age I couldn't have afforded this ranch, but I worked hard and now I have something to show for it."
He paused for a moment, "By the way, when are you going to get that dress?"
"You really want to marry me, Travis?" She looked at him and he nodded. "Well, I want to get my hair cut, so when I do that I'll go look for a dress."
"Why do you want to cut your hair, why don't you grow it out?" He looked at her, not understanding.
She closed her eyes and winced. She remembered her ex grabbing a handful of her hair just before he hit her for the second time. Never again, she thought.
"I like my hair short, I think it suits me. And just about every woman I've seen in Texas has long hair and I don't want to look like everyone else. Short hair suits me, thank you very much, if you want a woman with long hair you're welcome to find one."
"I don't want anyone but you," he told her, "And if you want your hair short, that's fine with me." His face grew solemn, "The moment I laid eyes on you I knew I was going to marry you, if you'd have me. You're my future, Anicka, everything else is in the past. I love everything about you, you know, I don't want anyone else.