During his usual exploration of Welgaia, Rai found himself in an unfamiliar prison block. Young though he was, he realized maybe this wasn't the best place to be - but it was too late to back out now. The elderly woman seated in the cell had already noticed him.

"What's your name?" the woman asked him. Rai eyed her suspiciously, but the look in her brown eyes was soft. She looked trustworthy enough.

"I'm Rai," he said finally, though he turned his face obstinately away. When he darted a look at her a few moments later she was still smiling gently.

"Why are you here, Rai?" she asked. "You don't seem like a prisoner."

"I'm not," he admitted. "Mithos is my father's friend. He teaches me stuff while my father is away. I don't really like it here."

"I see," she said.

"Are - are you a prisoner here?" Rai asked her. The lady's eyes turned sad.

"That's right, my child. My name is Sofia."

"Maybe I'll ask Mithos to let you go," Rai offered. He didn't like how sad she looked.

She smiled again, but the darkness didn't leave her eyes. "Thank you, sweet child."

There was a short pause. Then Sofia shifted closer to him and asked, "Would you like me to tell you a story?"

"What kind of story?"

"A story about peace and war, sadness and happiness. A story about humans and half-elves - "

"Tell it to me," Rai ordered her, then paused at the surprised look on her face. He was used to ordering around everyone here except for Mithos and Father, but the way she was looking at him bothered him. "I mean...may I please hear it?" he asked, emulating the way he was meant to speak to Mithos. Sofia looked at him for a few moments, then smiled again.

"Of course, Rai. You see, once upon a time, very very long ago, humans and elves lived in harmony..."

Rai jolted awake, his heart pounding, and took a moment to remember where he was. The odd sensation of hardly any mana in his body, and the vague persistent awareness of the overflow of it in the environment, reminded him; Asgard, after he'd gone and stupidly nearly killed himself with the exsphere, right.

The dream - the memory - it had been innocuous enough, at least on the surface. But something about it made him sick with dread and guilt.

Akira?

His other self almost seemed to sigh, mental voice though he was. So you're finally re-living it all, huh?

I don't know about 'all'. Rai struggled to sit up slightly in bed so he could reach for the water glass on the adjoining table. It was a pretty short memory. And I don't know its significance.

His other self was quiet, and Rai didn't bother to press the matter. He already knew what had happened to him in Cruxis, after all - Yuan had told him. Mithos had forced him to kill someone. Could the memory itself really be much worse?

Rai nearly dropped the glass when somebody suddenly entered the room. Raine immediately sat in the chair near his bed, her blue eyes glimmering with something he couldn't name. "You're awake," she said shortly. "Your sleep has been very restless. I've been doing some research on how to best help you - your mana is nearly totally depleted. It'll recover with time, but…"

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering himself. "Don't tell me you're considering a transfer?"

She didn't avert her gaze, her eyes still firmly locked on his when he opened them. "It's taboo, but done when needed within family. And Rai, you are family."

He hesitated. "It'll make you weaker, Raine. Until you're able to recover your own mana. I don't know if it's worth it."

Raine looked amused. "Come, Rai. I'm stronger than that. I can do without some of my mana for a few days."

Rai barely knew why he still wanted to resist. He did feel terrible - nearly drained, his mana a painful trickle in his veins, like being parched for water, but with no water able to quench his thirst. Recovery on his own would take slow, painful days - if he took Raine's mana, he could recover enough to move nearly immediately. But…

Her gaze was warm, knowing - something he rarely saw on his sister, someone nearly as guarded as he was. "What are you afraid of?" she murmured. "That I'll know something about you that you don't want to expose? Rai, I raised you. Whatever happened to you before you came to me, in that ever-so-secret organization when your father was away - do you think it'll change our bond?"

He felt like he'd been drenched in ice water. What does she know?

She searched his gaze. "Don't worry. That's all I know. Did you think me completely oblivious? I may not have access to all the facts, but again, I did raise you."

Akira? Are you as baffled as I am? How could she know this?

Maybe you said something about an organization when you first came to live with her, Akira pointed out. And…as for something bad happening to you…I think any freaking idiot could figure that out at this point.

Shut the hell up, Akira.

He swallowed. It felt like knives. "Okay. Ignoring how much that…" It was so hard to say. "…scares me, for inexplicable reasons…I guess…okay."

She didn't respond verbally, gaze warm, and placed a gentle hand on his arm. Rai forced himself not to tense in response and closed his eyes as his sister's mana rushed into him - filling, like a golden glow. His starved system embraced it, the familiar-yet-not power rushing through him, and in it he felt her - intelligent, but warm, her feelings towards him suddenly tangible, like a magical signature showing him her love. He shuddered. It was too much, but at the same time, there was something powerful about it.

He realized he was pulling more and more of her mana, nearly brimming with it, and jerked his arm away from her, almost angrily. She looked a little pale, but her eyes when she opened them were all her - slightly hazy, but present. "Raine - you idiot! Why didn't you stop me after I took just a bit?! You - " Words failed him.

Raine smiled, though she had to put out a hand to steady herself on the bed. "I have nothing to say for myself, Rai," she murmured. "But when I felt your mana, your isolation - " she paused, voice faltering. "Rai, I am here for you. If I cannot support you, what kind of sister does that make me?"

He wanted to punch her and hug her at the same time, and opted for the latter, pulling her in so fast that he couldn't think better of it. "Idiot," he grumbled, and felt her smile again.

"Touche."

Rai huffed as he tried and failed again to execute the spell Mithos had taught him. He glared at the rat scurrying in its cage.

"Try again, Rai," the cold voice said - not threatening, but Rai gulped just the same.

"Yes, Mithos."

He focused all his energy, let his mana extend into the rat, and this time -

The animal squealed, loudly, its limbs suddenly jerking at unnatural angles as it stopped in its tracks, and then fell over, unmoving.

He should feel happy that he'd finally managed it, but there was a scared, constricting feeling in Rai's chest. He bit his lip, unable to look away from the suddenly motionless animal.

"Don't worry," Mithos's voice came again. The man stepped forward until he was next to Rai, and Rai unwillingly met his gaze. "It's just a rat. Not a half-elf like you or me. Its living or dying means nothing."

When Rai finally awoke again, it was hard to know what time of day it was. Though his mana was still depleted, he now had his sister's, warm and comforting, and something about it made him feel safer, even as he remembered the dream he had just been having.

Mithos was such an asshole, Akira said in his mind, and Rai nearly laughed. It was such an Akira thing to say.

True, he shot back, not bothering to hide his amusement. Something way worse is coming, isn't it?

Akira didn't respond this time, but Rai already knew the answer. He glanced around the room and realized that Raine was in the next bed, fast asleep, her pale hair splayed in all directions. She must be exhausted from the mana expenditure earlier. He felt a stab of guilt. Probably unwisely, he tried to get up out of bed, then realized that despite the new golden mana in his veins, his legs were still made out of jelly. He collapsed on his knees near Raine and she stirred, eyes opening. For a moment she just looked at him through heavy lids, and then she sat up suddenly.

"Rai! What are you doing out of bed? You need to rest!"

Grudgingly, he let her help her back into bed. "I feel so useless."

"And that's how you'll need to feel for a bit," Raine said firmly. "Maybe it'll help you remember to be a little more careful with your own life next time."

He shut his eyes, no good response ready. Already, the tiredness was creeping back up on him. Maybe I wasn't as recovered as I thought…

Unwillingly, he drifted back into slumber.

Rai felt sick, but he forced himself to stay standing, to take in what was happening.

"Well?" Mithos's voice came. It was calm, but displeased, and it made his heart beat so fast he was dizzy. On the floor between them, head bowed and hands in chains, was Sofia.

"I - I didn't mean it," Rai managed finally. "I was just exploring."

"You were told explicitly not to venture into that part of the city," Mithos pointed out, words still cool and measured, but Rai could hardly breathe. "And now I find out you've been meeting with this human - not once, but repeatedly. What lies has she been feeding you?"

"Nothing!" Rai burst out, then forced himself to moderate his tone. "Nothing. I just - I was curious - "

"You're right, Rai," Mithos said. His voice was now amused, but this only made chills spread throughout Rai's body, and he clenched his fists to keep them from trembling. "You did nothing wrong. It was her - who tempted you into going back, who fed you lies about how humans and half-elves can all get along in harmony. What do you have to say for yourself, prisoner?"

Rai watched, horrified, as Sofia lifted her head. "I only told the truth," she said. Her voice was soft, but clear. Mithos's eyes flashed with anger for the first time.

"Still lying," he said, voice cracking like a whip. "And so you shall be punished. Rai, I will have you do the honors."

No. No no no…

"No, please - " he started to say, but when Mithos's disappointed and angry glance fell on him, the words died in his throat. He had no ability to defy Mithos - and who was to say that Rai wouldn't be the one killed instead, if he refused to kill Sofia? Even if he didn't do it, surely Mithos would kill her himself…

He looked at Sofia again, and there was understanding, acceptance in her eyes. She nodded, almost imperceptibly. He felt like screaming, like crying.

"Use that spell we practiced," Mithos said, his tone still that cold, terrible amusement. "She is nothing more than that rat from earlier. Go on. I know you can do it, my talented boy."

Even as a part of himself screamed, sobbed, and fractured within, another part of Rai hardened, moved. Mustered up the mana, almost in a trance. The way he had practiced so many times before. And let it loose, straight towards the woman.

He didn't let himself close his eyes or avert his gaze, knowing Mithos was watching. Sofia gasped, then made a terrible noise that made Rai's hair stand on end, her body convulsing horribly. But faster than he would have thought, it was all over. She lay still on the ground, those warm brown eyes just staring - lifeless. Just like the rat.

Mithos laughed - cold, and high. "Well done, my boy. You are truly worthy to be my successor. Although, I was only bluffing. I didn't expect you to actually kill her. I just wanted to teach you a lesson, so you wouldn't go visit her again."

It was too much, too cruel. But he couldn't let his reaction out. He shoved himself, the child screaming, crying, forcibly into a little box in his mind, leaving only the coolness, the mask in control, even as every piece of his mind felt like it was splintering, his mana rushing through him.

He bowed his head.

Rai awoke again, shaking. He was starting to hate waking up over and over in this same room, this same bed. He forced himself to breathe against the feeling of lead all through his chest and shut his eyes for a moment, steadying himself. In his head, that familiar voice was sobbing. Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to kill her?

He felt again that sickness, the roiling in his stomach. I'm sorry, he responded, almost desperately. I'm sorry. You were right, in a way. I shouldn't have pushed you away. No matter how logical it was…maybe we shouldn't have done it. You - we - knew it was wrong, after all.

Even as he said it, he found himself second-guessing - had there been another choice? When Mithos had ordered it that way…

The voice continued crying, and Rai simply accepted it, internalized it, letting the guilt and defiance roll through him, letting himself feel both sides of the conflict. Ugh. No wonder I tried to forget this. It's so horribly tragic, isn't it?

Yeah. Akira finally spoke back up, sounding subdued. It's funny, I think - I think that was the moment Mithos was really impressed by you, where he thought he could really groom you into someone special, who could match him. But it was also the moment you broke.

…Yeah. Fuck. Rai took deep breaths, managing to sit up in bed, and held his head in his hands. I need to think about this. What does it mean that this happened?

Don't start blaming yourself for it, Akira warned. Seriously. I mean, that way lies…nothing good. But…if you want to think about how this affected you, and how it leads to things you feel and do now…then yeah, I think you should think about it.

And what is it that it tells me about myself? Rai shot back bitterly. That I'm fundamentally twisted - someone who could kill someone who had shown me nothing but kindness, in cold blood, just because someone ordered me to?

You were a child, Akira argued. And Mithos had power over you. You knew he could kill you just as easily. What choice did you have?

I had the choice not to do it anyway, Rai snapped. Like W - like that other part of myself wanted. Whether it cost me my life or not. To not become that type of person.

But seriously, what type of person? Akira pressed, equally angry. Look, think of this as if it happened to someone else. Like Lloyd, or Genis. Would you blame a child for following the order in that situation, especially if they felt cornered? Felt forced? Or would you blame the adult who was forcing them to do it?

Logically, Rai understood Akira's argument. The right answer was obviously to blame the adult. But…

Akira sighed in his mind. Look. It'll take time to process it. But stop blaming yourself, okay? Every time you do, I'll be here to argue, so if you don't want to hear that, keep it in mind.

Fine. But…I feel like there was no right choice here. When I did what I did, I did a horrible thing, and had to break myself apart because of it. But if I'd gone with what W wanted - if I'd just refused…maybe I'd just be dead, now. How could that have been the right choice?

What makes you think there was a right choice? Akira shot back wearily. In some situations, you can't win, and the one Mithos set up here was one of those. So instead of agonizing over it…maybe you just accept that. In every situation, all you can do is your best, after all - and when looking at decisions in the past, by definition, whatever you did was the best you could at the time.

Rai was silent for a moment, processing this. Wow, he said finally. I didn't know I had such a sage living in my head.

Shut up, you brat, Akira growled. Rai smiled, and for once, had a sentimental thought - Akira, who had remained damaged, unable to heal in his own life, was now able to help his future self with how to do what he couldn't.

Author's Note: So, the past trauma is finally fully revealed. Also, if anyone's still managing to read this despite all the glitches with FFNet lately, consider leaving a review just so I know these are actually going through! Either way, thanks as always!