The hum of a coffee maker filled the quiet of the I.M.P office, the scent of freshly brewed coffee mixing with the faint traces of gunpowder that always lingered in the air. Eli stood by the counter, watching dark liquid drip steadily into his mug. His movements were slow and methodical—grab the mug, pour the coffee, take a careful sip.
Across the room, Loona sat on the couch, her phone screen casting a dim glow on her face. She was completely absorbed in whatever she was scrolling through, ears twitching slightly whenever a notification pinged. The occasional flick of her tail was the only sign that she was paying attention to anything at all.
"So, about yesterday, what exactly happen? I wasn't really listening." Loona said, casting her little brother in all but blood a lazy glance.
Eli let out a barely audible sigh—so quiet that if it weren't for Loona's enhanced hearing, she wouldn't have caught it. He turned around, leaning against the counter as he absentmindedly swirled his drink, watching the liquid ripple with each slow motion.
"The princess wanted to kickstart our 'friendship' with cooking despite not knowing how to." Eli answered, gaining a faraway look as he sips his coffee.
Loona grinned in amusement. "Oh yeah, now I remember, it blew up."
It was funny to see Eli covered in soot yesterday, it looked like he poured paint all over himself.
Eli shot his big sister figure a deadpan look before a quiet chuckle escaped him. In hindsight, it was pretty funny, and no real harm had been done. His phone chimed with a playful tune, snapping him from his thoughts. He pulled it out, silenced the alarm, and sighed—it was time for work. Without a second thought, he downed the rest of his coffee, barely flinching as it scorched his tongue, then got ready to leave.
"Time for me to leave. Bye, Loons." Eli said, walking toward the door while stretching his body.
He decided not to use his other forms today, as Stolas had advised him against changing forms too often to avoid psychic backlash—something Mary also supported. Doing so would put a mental strain on him and cause horrible migraines.
Loona rose from the couch and quickly approached Eli—something he noticed, causing him to stop and see what she wanted. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.
"Be safe, okay?" Loona said in a gentle tone, surprising even herself.
"...Is this about yesterday?" Eli asked, already aware of what had happened thanks to Millie telling him.
He didn't receive an answer, but the tightening of her hug was enough of one. He returned the embrace. It was rare for Loona to show physical affection, so Eli was happy to accept it whenever she did.
A sharp snapping sound caught their attention. Turning toward the source, they spotted a wild Blitzo holding a Polaroid camera in one hand while gently waving a freshly developed picture in the other.
Blitzo smiled at them. "Don't mind me, kids. Just carry on with your moment." He said before turning his attention to the photo he had just taken. With that, he left, closing the door behind him.
It was perfect—he was definitely going to frame this and place it on his desk. This was easily one of the best photos he had ever taken of his adopted daughter, which was an impressive feat considering most pictures captured her either looking bored or flipping off the camera.
"Aren't you gonna...?" Eli asked, slowly turning to face Loona.
Loona contemplated for a moment before shrugging. "Nah, let him have it." She said nonchalantly as she walked back to the couch and resumed scrolling on her phone.
Eli tilted his head. Whatever that D.H.O.R.K.S. had done, must've shaken her up. Deciding not to dwell on it, he left the room to head to work, leaving the hellhound to do—well, whatever it was that I.M.P.'s receptionist was actually responsible for.
As he left, however, Loona's face instantly flushed. She had just let Blitzo take an embarrassing picture of her. She had to find that photo somehow—and burn it.
Unfortunately for her, Millie walked into the room just as Loona's face was flushed with embarrassment. She had come to let her son know that Mama and Papa wouldn't be home tonight, but the sight before her made her pause. Loona stiffened, caught off guard—but before she could react, Millie's phone was already in hand. With a mischievous grin, she snapped a picture.
Millie smirked. "Haha, blackmail..." She teased before dashing out of the room.
Loona frantically shot up and bolted after Millie—there was no way she was letting Millie, of all people, blackmail her!
Adjusting his hood, Eli stepped into the hotel and made his way to the Angst Bar, taking a seat.
The anthropomorphic cat behind the counter was in the middle of chugging down a bottle of alcohol when he noticed Eli. Lowering the bottle, he eyed the newcomer with mild curiosity.
"Aren't you the security guard the princess hired yesterday?" Husk asked, snapping his fingers at him.
Eli nodded. "Yeah, that's me. You must be Husk, then. Your name was on the worker list Ms. Magne gave me." He said, leaning back against the bar.
Husk snorted. "You actually read that shit? I mostly ignored it. Anyway, what're ya drinkin'? You did sit down, after all."
"Whatever non-alcoholic drink you've got. I'm underage and all that." Eli replied, glancing at the clock. He still had some time to kill.
"Didn't know teens these days actually gave a damn fuck about that." Husk said, setting down his half-empty bottle.
He bent down, rummaging under the bar before pulling out a shaker and a few bottles Eli couldn't identify. Without a word, Husk poured the mystery liquids into the shaker, added ice, and started shaking. After a few moments, he strained the mixture into a glass and slid it over to Eli.
"Thanks, Mr. Husk." Eli said, turning around to take a sip of the drink.
Husk huffed. "Just Husk is fine, kid." He muttered, drying his hands with a towel.
Eli nodded. "Okay... Husk." The name left a strange taste in his mouth—wait, no, that was the drink.
It was… interesting. Definitely not alcohol, but it had a bitter, tangy kick to it. Surprisingly, he liked it. Maybe he'd start ordering it more often.
The two engaged in small talk until it was time for Eli to start his shift. He gave Husk a polite goodbye, which the bartender returned with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"The kid's parents must be miracle workers..." Husk muttered, still a little bewildered by how respectful the teen was. Weren't kids his age supposed to be rebellious?
Shifting his gaze to the other side, Husk spotted Angel Dust and Charlie both leaning against the bar top, frowning at him. The sight startled him so much that he stumbled back.
Grasping his chest and heaving slightly, he shot them a glare. "The fuck?!" Husk snapped, eyeing the two with a raise brow.
"How?" Charlie asked, deepening her frown to emphasize just how upset she was.
She had spent all of yesterday (not really) trying to get Eli to call her by her name—with no success. Yet Husk managed to get him to do it the moment they met.
Husk had no idea what she was talking about, so he just stayed silent.
Angel Dust, however, was upset for an entirely different reason. "Why does the kid get special treatment? Where's my cocktail, huh?" He demanded, pointing an accusing finger at the anthropomorphic demon cat.
He had been pestering Husk to make him a nice drink for ages. Sure, he got drinks—but never a proper cocktail.
Husk deadpanned at Angel Dust. "Look, first off, I have no idea what you're talking about, Princess. And second, I like the kid. Besides, he asked for a non-alcoholic drink." As if that explained anything.
Angel Dust threw his hands up. "Oh, so you like him? What about me?!"
Husk had the gall to snort at him.
With a dramatic pout, Angel plopped down, arms folded. "I ain't leaving till I get a cocktail." He declared, crossing his legs as he waited.
While Husk and Angel Dust were busy arguing, Charlie sat in deep thought, trying to figure out a way to make Eli more comfortable around her.
Then, an idea popped into her head, and she snapped her fingers. She had a meeting with Asmodeus in the Lust Ring—maybe she could bring Eli along with her and Vaggie. That way, they could bond and become the best of friends… maybe.
Though, now that she thought about it, she wasn't exactly sure how they'd bond there without things getting really awkward... Eh, it'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?
Outside…
A sudden shiver crawled up Eli's spine, and he sneezed violently.
"Gesundheit." Mary said casually, not even looking up from the old book she was reading as she floated above him.
"For some reason, I feel like I should avoid Ms. Magne today..." Eli muttered, sniffling as he rubbed his nose.
"And why is that, my little miracle?" Mary asked, lazily flipping to the next page of her book.
Eli frowned slightly. "I don't know." He admitted, sounding genuinely confused.
"Hmm, maybe the Princess of Hell has something planned." Mary speculated. That was usually the reason people suddenly felt the urge to hide from a specific friend or individual.
"Whatever it is, I really hope it isn't anything too troublesome." Eli said, folding his arms and trying to make himself look as intimidating as possible.
As strong as he was—which was saying something—he couldn't always rely on his fists. It was better to discourage troublemakers before they even thought about causing a ruckus. So far, it was working… well, half the time.
A few hours had passed, and Eli yawned as he scanned the dimly lit streets. The usual weirdness unfolded—sinners doing idiotic things, the occasional bizarre occurrence—but nothing particularly noteworthy.
With a sigh, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. As he unlocked it, a message from his mother popped up on the screen.
Millie: Hey, sugar! Just wanted to let ya know me and Mox are headin' to the Lust Ring to celebrate our one-year anniversary! We'll be back later. Love ya!
Eli chuckled. The amount of careful research and relentless phone calls Pops had made just to secure that reservation was insane. Eli was honestly impressed that Moxxie had actually pulled it off—somehow. Getting a table at Ozzie's was supposed to be nearly impossible, or so Eli had heard while wandering around Pentagram City.
"Was that your mom?" Vaggie asked, standing beside Eli and leaning in slightly to peek at the message.
Like any normal person, Eli nearly jumped out of his skin at her sudden appearance.
He exhaled sharply, placing a hand over his chest. "Yes, that was my mother." He answered once he finally regained his breath.
"I see..." Vaggie murmured, a flicker of sadness crossing her face before she quickly masked it with a neutral expression. "Anyway, Charlie has business in the Lust Ring and wants us to tag along."
Eli stared at her. "I get why she's bringing you. But why me too?" He asked, tilting his head in confusion.
While it was strange that the Princess of Hell wanted him to tag along to Lust, what really surprised him was that no one had questioned why he had his hood down or why his physique seemed smaller than usual.
Well, he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He just hoped this small miracle would last the whole day.
"I don't know either. Something about needing extra protection." Vaggie said, folding her arms.
Eli deadpanned. "I'm the security guard, not a bodyguard."
"That's exactly what I said." Vaggie sighed. "But then she said, 'What's the difference?'"
She hadn't expected Charlie to ask her to bring Eli along—for reasons that were technically reasonable but didn't entirely make sense.
Then again, this could be the perfect chance to learn more about the kid. Vaggie hadn't seen the whole message, but she'd seen enough to know that Eli's parents were in the Lust Ring.
"Do I really have to go?" Eli asked, giving Vaggie a look that screamed just how much he did not want to be there.
The Princess just so happened to have business in the Lust Ring on the same day his parents were celebrating their anniversary there? Yeah, that was way too much of a coincidence.
If his Ma caught him at Lust, she'd probably throttle his ass straight into next Sunday.
A loud honk from a limousine caught their attention. They turned just in time to see the tinted window roll down, revealing Charlie, who waved at them with her usual childlike enthusiasm.
"Looks like it." Vaggie remarked, deadpanning at her girlfriend.
"Drats." Eli muttered, slapping a hand to his forehead.
Inside the limousine, Eli sat across from the Princess of Hell, while Vaggie sat beside Charlie, arms folded, wearing a bored expression.
The ride was fairly quiet. Eli kept his head down, making sure to avoid letting the two get a good look at his face.
He focused on his book, Vaggie idly scrolled through her phone, and Charlie… well, Charlie practically vibrated with excitement, her ever-present smile never wavering.
As they arrived in the Lust Ring, Charlie pressed her face against the window, eagerly taking in the neon-lit cityscape.
"We're here!" She announced, turning to the others with a wide grin.
"Yes, we can see that, hon." Vaggie said, glancing out the window.
Eli simply nodded, humming in acknowledgment.
Charlie giggled as the limousine rolled to a stop in front of a massive establishment. Above the entrance, OZZIE'S was prominently displayed in large, glowing letters.
Eli stiffened. "Crap..." He muttered, sinking lower into his book.
He knew they were coming to Ozzie's for Charlie's business with Asmodeus, but damn it.
As they stepped out of the limo, Vaggie ended up having to drag Eli along by the back of his hoodie while he stubbornly tried to keep it up as much as possible.
The line to enter Ozzie's was hellishly long—no pun intended—but seeing it firsthand, Eli could understand why Moxxie was so damn proud of scoring that reservation.
Charlie, however, bypassed the entire ordeal by casually walking up to the sunglasses-wearing incubus at the entrance. After a brief exchange, he promptly stepped aside, letting them in without any hassle.
"Okay, so I need to meet with Uncle Asmodeus. Why don't you wait for us at the bar?" Charlie said, turning to Eli.
Eli deadpanned at her—not that she could see—but complied anyway.
Vaggie also deadpanned at Charlie.
What was the point of bringing the kid along if she was just going to ask him to wait?
Eli sat on a stool near the bar, his eyes darting around cautiously as he scanned the room for any sign of his Ma or Pop. The last thing he needed was to get caught here.
If Millie ever found him at Ozzie's, he could only hope she'd understand the circumstances.
"I say, I say, what would you like?" The bartender greeted in a familiar voice.
Eli glanced up, blinking in surprise. "Wally Wackford?" He asked, confused.
Wally grinned. "Well, I say, boy, fancy seeing you here." His grin widened. "Must've gotten yourself a fancy date if you're at Ozzie's."
"Not really, but I am surprised to see you here," Eli said, resting an arm on the bar top.
Wally let out a hearty laugh. "Haha! I say, trying to get through this hellhole ain't easy! Thus, I say, thus, I take any profession willing to take me!" He declared with his usual boundless enthusiasm—despite the rather grim reality of his words.
"I say, I say, you look a little parched, young lad! Let me fetch you some liquor—wait right here! I shan't, I say, shan't be long." Wally declared before walking off to get drinks.
"I don't really need any—" Eli started, reaching out, but Wally was already gone. He sighed, propping his head up with his arm. "Oh well."
Just then, a pink-coated succubus approached, placing both hands on her hips.
"Hey, where's the bartender?" she asked.
"You just missed him," Eli replied nonchalantly.
"Ugh…" The succubus groaned, preparing to walk away—only to suddenly freeze.
Something about that voice sounded familiar.
Eli stiffened as the same realization hit him.
Slowly, they turned to face each other.
"Verosika…" Eli muttered, his posture tensing as he stared at her cautiously.
"Eli…" Verosika echoed in shock before a slow smile spread across her lips.
Without hesitation, she slid onto the stool beside him, leaning in just as Eli instinctively leaned back.
"Hey, miss me?" She asked, her voice smooth, her smile soft yet teasing.
Eli grimaced slightly, of all places, he hadn't expected Verosika to be at Ozzie's. If he had any idea she'd be here, he would have stubbornly refused to come.
Where was his great-grandmother when he actually needed her?
Meanwhile…
Mary exhaled a puff of smoke, lounging comfortably on a bed between a succubus and an incubus.
"To think I actually got the chance to come here. How lucky." She giggled, snuggling closer to the two demons.
A/N: Another chapter done, yay! *Throws confetti around.* I am a tired, tired boy.
I gotta be real, I'm actual afraid on publishing new chapters because I don't know whether it's good or not, but then I realize that Helluva Loud Adventure exist and many other weird fanfics. That doesn't mean bad, just interesting.
Thanks for liking this weird fic by the way. Also should I add Hazbin Hotel in the category?