Failed again with the replying, I'm so sorry. You know... holidays. I'll do better next week.
Chapter 16
As I'm hanging up with Aro, I get a text from Edward.
When you're ready to come back, text me first.
I frown. That's strange, but maybe he needed some alone time as well. Lord knows we've been spending almost every waking moment together since I moved into this house.
Correction, since I've been staying in this house. It's easy to forget I'm just a passenger on this ride. My mind wanders, wondering what it would be like to live in a town like this permanently. To wake up to the clean air and easy pace. To stop at the coffee shop and actually sit and read the paper. To not have to barrel through people and smog-choked vents from subways and just walk.
As soon as those thoughts start invading, I shake them out. No point in daydreaming about something so absurd. Spending a little more than a week in one place is no reason to change my life.
Sighing, I grab my Ogunquit hoodie and text him I'm ready to come back.
He answers right away. Can you wait a few minutes and please go out the front instead of the back?
I side-eye my phone. Are you sitting in my car, warming it up and sending me on my way? Did you pack up my stuff and load the rental?
Why would I do that?
It was a bit of a rough day, no? Maybe Aro called you and yelled and now you hate me. I type, well-aware that I'm digging for him to say something nice to me to make sure we are okay.
The three dots appear, disappear, reappear, disappear again.
Just come out the front, okay?
The fact that he didn't say he doesn't hate me makes me pause. That would've been the easiest answer to my question, no? The most natural reply to our banter? I growl at myself, acting like a girl again and remind myself that men don't think like women do. He's probably just saying exactly what he's thinking, impatient for me to come to the front of the house for whatever reason.
But secretly I'm worried he regrets this afternoon, saying that he's comfortable with me. A statement I can't help but read in a thousand different ways.
I open the door and peek out, half-scared I'm right about the car.
All I see is Edward, standing with Joey in the stroller.
"Are we going for another walk?"
"Sort of."
As I reach the base of the steps where he's standing, he holds his elbow out for me while still holding the stroller handle.
Loving the gesture, I feel my heart lift in relief as I loop my arm through his and settle it in the crook of his elbow. Before we move, he asks me if everything is okay with his uncle.
Not wanting to give away all he said about Edward needing someone, I just reply that it's all good and tighten my hold on him.
He pushes the stroller through the gate to the backyard, and before I can even ask about the formality of meeting at the front of the house, I hear music.
Live music. A string quartet of some kind.
Looking out across the yard, I see four musicians playing on the lawn, and the structure that was being built is now uncovered.
"Is that–" I squint. "The Eiffel Tower?"
Edward nods and pulls me along. We get closer and I can see he's got a fairly large wooden cutout of the Paris monument standing in the middle of the back lawn.
Next to an equally impressive Roman Colosseum.
Which is to the left of a big windmill whose windshaft is actually rotating.
Not to mention Big Ben on the other side of a rock that says 'Blarney Stone' under it.
"What the hell?" I stand awed. Obviously, the cutouts aren't to scale, but they reach pretty good heights and are painted realistically. It reminds me of a ride you'd see at a scaled-down amusement park going on a tour of the world.
Edward pulls Joey from the stroller. "Welcome to Europe, buddy." He starts walking and when they get closer to the Eiffel Tower, the band switches their tune and begins playing that French melody you hear in every movie that shows Paris.
"This is the Eiffel Tower," he says, lifting Joey up in his arms to get a good look. "It was built for a world's fair and everyone hated it. Still France's most popular attraction though. If we had gone, I'd have taken you all the way to the top, so you could bark at the birds."
A man dressed as a waiter comes over to Joey, and Edward picks up a piece of cheese off the tray. "Brie," he tells him, before Joey gobbles it up.
Edward lays his cheek against Joey's head as he holds him, talking about France. About wanting to take him to the Riviera and his desire to experience a French vineyard with him.
As I'm piecing together what this incredible panorama of surreal monuments actually means, he says a few words in French that aren't familiar to me before he falls quiet, hugging Joey and looking at the painted tower. My hand moves to my throat and I hold my breath, thinking of the water bowl list and what might be on it that Edward was fearful couldn't be accomplished. The fact we're in the backyard instead doesn't diminish the magnificent adventure laid out for this special dog.
After a few minutes, Edward moves on to stand in front of the Colosseum, the music shifting to the moody mafia trumpet music and I stifle a giggle. He looks at me over his shoulder and I just shake my head, hanging back, wanting him to have this experience with Joey alone.
This list isn't for me.
My phone camera takes some silent pictures as I stay in place at the beginning of the structures.
"This is the Roman Colosseum, built in 72 AD. That's a really, really long time ago. This is where gladiators fought. Remember we saw the movie? You growled at Joaquin Phoenix." He shifts Joey in his arms and points. "We'd have gone down into the structure, right there, looking at all the old tunnels."
The waiter walks back to Edward with the tray. "Parmigiano-Reggiano." Edward gives a piece to Joey who inhales it. "You liked that, huh? That's a good one. After the Colosseum, we'd go have a beautiful dinner in a palazzo and people watch. I'd have an espresso and you'd have some Acqua Panna." He continues on, telling Joey about gondolas in Venice, and Corleone, Sicily, where the Godfather was from.
They move on and I can't hear Edward any longer, just a spectator as he gives Joey some other form of delicacy from the tray and points at the windmill, gesturing and making hand movements like he's explaining how it works.
I sit on the soft grass and watch them walk slowly to each attraction. The musicians shift their music to fit the country and Edward gives Joey something to eat, talking to him as he hugs him close. I tell myself I shouldn't be surprised by any lengths Edward would go to for his faithful pup, but somehow, he's amazed me again.
After fifteen minutes or so of watching, I tilt my head to the sky and enjoy the soft breeze and music. I find myself giving thanks to something in the universe for putting me here, in this moment, with these two.
"Bella, come over here."
I look up to see Edward smiling at me, waving me over with his hand. I brush my butt off and see he's got a picnic blanket spread out in the middle of all the countries, covered in cheeses, meats, some other food I don't recognize, and wine. The waiter pours as I take my seat, petting Joey on the head as I do so.
"Did you like your trip?" I ask him and take it as a yes as he eyes the food with his tongue out. I turn to Edward. "And you?" I ask, not really waiting for the obvious answer. "Edward, I've never…I'm speechless, quite honestly. I can't quite find the words at the moment. It's overwhelming, what you've done."
He leans his elbows on his bent knees, holding his glass. "The only way I could pull one off." He takes out the list from his pocket and waves it in the air.
"It's beautiful."
"It's insane," he laughs, but I stop him with a hand on his arm.
"It's not. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. To bring this to life, it's just…beautiful," I repeat. "This must've taken massive planning."
He looks at me. "No amount of effort is too much if you truly love someone. When they are worth every sacrifice." He holds my gaze before turning to Joey and ruffling his fur. "I hope he liked it."
"There's no way he didn't."
Edward looks down at the food and grabs some cheese. "I know the guys who did it for me. Built it in their warehouse. They make a lot of the furniture you see outside of stores and stuff. Like the Adirondack chairs on both the decks." He nods his head in the vicinity of the house and cottage. "They owed me a favor, and well, I couldn't think of a better way to take them up on it."
Grabbing my own piece of what I'm told is English Cheddar, I ask about the food.
"Well, you know Joey loves his cheese," he laughs and gives him another piece of the parmesan. "I wanted him to experience all the types of cheese we'd encounter if we got to Europe." A sad smile crosses his features. "Once I knew that I had to… well, it went on the list. I knew it was a far-off chance I'd pull it off, so this will have to do." He throws the list on the blanket. "Go ahead, might as well look at it."
The way he says it makes me nervous for a few reasons.
The first is because like in the car after the baseball game, he's resigned to the fact that he's not going to get through all the items on the list and he's obviously sad about it. Maybe he's now resigned himself to the fact I need to finally see the list I've been writing about them following.
And the second, maybe he did get to all of it and the list is complete.
Which means our time is at an end, for all intents and purposes.
"Well I'd say you definitely pulled it off," I say, and ignore the folded scrap in front of me.
He looks across the lawn, at the musicians and the statues surrounding us. "Today, you're seeing a missed opportunity. I will regret that I didn't travel with him for the rest of my life. The thought that I had to do it for years, now wasted." He looks at me. "You should never put off what you want out of life, Bella. We all think we know to do that. But deep down, we fail. Today is a lesson."
Sure, we've all thought about it before, have the plans and ideas of what we want. But the truth of those words coming from this man hit me like they never did before.
Never put off what you want out of life. It rings in my ears, bounces around my head.
What is it that I want out of life?
I take a sip of wine and swallow. "I always thought I had what I wanted. A career I love, a lifestyle I thought suited me. A boyfriend that was good on paper."
"But now?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure what I want. The time I've spent here, in this place, and the people I've spent it with, it's altered me. I'm not sure how, and I don't know that it's clear yet, but I know that what I thought was a happy life I made for myself, wasn't as happy as I thought."
I fidget with the edge of the blanket. "I like New York. My job is there, I have… well, I guess I don't really have any other 'thing' there. It's hard to think about giving up the hustle and bustle I've grown so used to. The colorful people, the thousands of diverse restaurants, the dirty and gritty neighborhoods in New York's underbelly."
I look at him, intently listening. "But then it occurs to me that I never speak to those colorful people. I don't go to the thousands of restaurants because Michael had a select few he found 'good enough', and I was too poor when I first moved. And I certainly don't take advantage of any neighborhood below forty-second street to see anything gritty."
"Where would you go?"
"I…don't know."
"You like it here."
It's not a question to be answered, so I don't, and Edward doesn't say anything else. For that I'm grateful. He must know that my mind is conflicted with whatever this is between us. Confused if it's anything that could go past the time it takes to write this article or if my feelings are just because I've let my soul open to new ideas.
What I don't want to admit is that it's hard to imagine myself, after such a traumatic childhood, wanting to live in a seaside fishing community. And there's no way Edward would ever leave this place, this family.
We sip our wine and Edward makes me try all the cheese. He gives Joey a few more bites before telling him he's had enough and Joey curls into a ball, falling fast asleep. The night is cool, and when I shiver Edward grabs my hoodie and drapes it over my shoulders. When he goes to pull his arm away, I stop him and hold his hand as his elbow loops around my neck.
We sit and watch the sunset like that, laughing at Joey having doggie dreams while his whole body twitches like he's running through a glorious field. At least, that's what Edward hopes.
"I'm sure he's remembering a great day with you," I say casually, but Edwards' breath stutters. Looking at him, his face glowing in the reflection of the pinks and golds in the sky, I see his eyes start to tear up. "I didn't mean to make you sad."
He smiles at me and sniffs. "You didn't." He looks at my lips and leans in for a kiss. It's soft and gentle, just like him. He pulls away and wipes at his eye before leaning forward onto the blanket, his head close to my lap. I don't second guess myself when I run my fingers through his hair, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. He closes his eyes and hums, a grin on his face. I continue to feather my fingers through, letting my nails gently scratch his scalp in lazy patterns.
He looks up at me and tells me his mom used to do this to him when he was a boy, and thanks me for the memory.
Thanks me for being here with them.
Thanks me for being me.
I have no words. No one has ever thanked me for just existing before. I've always thought I was just in everyone's way, a burden to deal with. I lean down, kissing him solidly on his beautiful lips.
I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a happy, thrilling thought that maybe I am right where I'm supposed to be.
In a life I could choose, if maybe he would choose it with me.
I would have some fun times with my girls CarrieZM and LayAtHomeMom in Europe... let me tell ya.
This is for Squiggy.