Chapter 3: A Blast With the Past
A/N: I am pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. Since I can remember, updating chapters is a huge pain, because planning out a story plot is such a headache. By the time I can sit with my computer to write, I have lost my muse. So many ideas, and not enough attention span or time to write them all. My resolution for 2025 is this: write and not give a fuck. That's it. I just watched this movie called The Substance and it reminded me of how I'm basically battling this other "me" that tells me my ideas and my writing is never good enough, so why bother putting it out on the internet. If anyone else out there battles this demon, you are not alone and let's tell it to fuck off. End of rant.
.~.~.~
Sasuke finds himself too lost in thought that for a moment he is sure he is imagining the doorbell of his apartment ring. He is still sitting on the orange loveseat contemplating his previous life, full of color and love, that this couch feels like mockery to him. Sasuke decides he is going to throw it away so he doesn't have to remember all the kisses he shared with Itachi there. Or maybe the solution is to move to a different housing accomodation. Its too painful to remember, after all.
Sasuke hears another ring. Being sure this isn't some figment of this imagination anymore, he goes to the door, ready to tell whoever is on the other side to simply fuck off. He really isn't in the mood for socialializing.
When he finally opens, Sasuke isn't surprised to see his tan, blonde friend wearing a small smile.
Naruto takes a moment to notice the hollow look on his friend's orbital fat pads and temporalis muscles– evident signs of malnutrition. When was the last time Sasuke ate? And was he even grooming? His hair looks messy and unkempt. His clothes look wrinkly and put together last minute. But Naruto can't blame him, after all, he lost the most important person in his life just about a month ago to not an enemy or foe but to a terrible illness. Naruto sympathizes with the agony of not being able to seek revenge against the one thing responsible for Sasuke's suffering.
Naruto turns his hands into firsts. It pains him to see Sasuke hurting so much. Naruto wants to lessen Sasukes pain but there is nothing he can do for him. Or can he? Is there any remote possibility that Naruto can be a source of comfort? This is a question he has made a thousand times over and always arrives at the same conclusion.
Sasuke, as long as I am alive, you never have to shoulder this pain alone.
Naruto's expression is soft and full of concern. "Can I come in?"
"It's really not a good time…"
"It's never a good time, Sasuke. I'm worried sick about you. I am sorry but I can't leave," he begins, gently pushing Sasuke by the shoulder and letting himself in. "I won't leave until I make sure you at least take a shower and eat a meal today" says Naruto, full of stubbornness, making his way into the kitchen. He immediately starts to look around the cupboards and refrigerator to put something together.
Sasuke sighs. He contemplates being a dick to Naruto as much as possible to send him away which will take a lot of energy or simply pretend he doesn't exist which is the route of less resistance.
Then, as if Naruto can read his mind says, "You can be the biggest dick right now to try to convince me to leave and I still won't budge. I'm staying". Naruto finds enough ingredients to make fried rice and starts to work. He doesn't mind the silence that extends between them. It never really bothered Naruto before and it's not going to start bothering him now. His mind is preoccupied with Sasukes emotional state. What if Sasuke gets so depressed he thinks of doing something absurd, like take his own life? Would Sasuke be able to go to such lengths to mitigate his pain?
Naruto wouldn't be able to live with himself if this happens. He understands the stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. His friend was definitely deep in the depressive stage. Naruto knows there is nothing he can do but show up to help Sasuke heal from this wound and with a small smile he brings a plate of fried rice to Sasuke who is laying down horizontally on the orange loveat with his eyes closed.
"Asleep?" Naruto murmurs quietly as he sets the plate down on the coffee table. There is no reply from the Uchiha. A moment passes before he silently gets up, pokes at the food, and takes a bite. Then another. Naruto already considers this a small victory.
Naruto considers saying something, but doesn't want to come across as too pushy.
I miss you, Sasuke. Can things ever go back how they used to be?
Instead, he settles for a simple "Shower?" once most of the food is cleared and surprisingly Sasuke nods, heading to the bathroom. He takes a while too long while Naruto busies himself cleaning up the dishes and tidying up the place. When Sasuke is out of the shower in just a robe, Naruto awkwardly offers to help dry and comb his long hair-and he can't help to notice how long it's gotten. At just below his shoulders, it's the longest Sasuke has grown his hair since Naruto can remember.
When Naruto feels like he has overstayed, he smiles at Sasuke and says its probably time to go (not that he has anything important to attend, anyway, but things are lucky for Naruto today and how often does luck like this come his way? Better not push it.)
"Thanks" murmurs Sasuke as Naruto grabs the door handle and prepares to exit the apartment. For the company? For the food? For loving you inconditionally, after all this time? Naruto decides to simply respond with a small smile.
Sasuke feels like he should say more, like by the way, I am not planning to take my life anytime soon, so dont worry about me to provide some sort of relief to his friend (who is clearly overthinking and worrying) but it's not like he can make this promise. So Sasuke settles for providing false hope. It's much easier this way…
"Can you come by again, Naruto?" Sasuke requests, because he knows this will make him leave today.
This takes Naruto by surprise. A small blush spreads over his cheeks. "A-are you sure? I really don't wanna be overbearing. But I also want to be there for you Sasuke."
"I'm sure. Come by again sometime."
"Of course. It's a promise!" Naruto exclaims, feeling overjoyed with happiness he almost feels like giving Sasuke a hug, but no that would be too much, and settles for a high-five mid-air.
Sasuke pays it no attention and slaps his hand.
.~.~.~.
Sasuke wakes up to the sound of birds chirping and very bright lighting. He stirs, and thinks how weird this feeling is because he has black-out shades that always keep his room pitch dark. He groans in a half asleep state, throwing the covers over his head in a failed attempt to block the sunlight.
Sasuke is defnitely not ready to wake anytime soon. His sleep schedule has been severely messed up since Itachis death. He spends 80% of his time sleeping because it helps him escape reality. But it becomes too difficult to try going back to sleep with the lighting and the noise, so he curses as he clumsily gets out of bed, squinting like a blind animal as he tries to find the shades so he can get more peace. He faintly notes how light and small he feels this morning, but accounts it to his cognitive impairment and sleepiness. He suddenly feels very disoriented. This doesn't look like his apartment at all...what the hell?
A sudden knock on his door startles him, and he is even more confused now as he begins to digest his surroundings. Why does this look like his childhood room and who is behind the door? Sasuke's gut drops, and he suddenly feels sick.
He stares at the door knob in panic as it slowly starts to turn, and an all too familiar voice comes through that punches the air out of his lungs:
"Sasuke, you are late to the academy."
It can't be, Sasuke thinks. What in the world-
Sasuke's eyes widen as his brothers face peeks into his room. This has to be some kind of gruesome nightmare. A nightmare of his childhood life back when things were much happier.
"Are you sick?" asks Itachi, voice carrying a mix of curiosity and worry. Sasuke doesn't know what to feel. Disbelief and shock are an understatement. He can feel the color drain from his face. His brother, his lover, young, beautiful, and alive. Sasuke's eyes drop to his inspect his palms, small and delicate. The hands of a child.
Even though Sasuke has been a shinobi for many years now and has a lot of experience training his facial expression, nothing prepares him for what happens next.
Without warning, the youngest Uchiha is releasing tears he didn't know he was holding in. This has to be a dream. There is no way that Sasuke and Itachi get a second chance in life to make things right. But if this is a dream, then why can Sasuke feel the vibrations of Itachis footsteps as he walks toward him, or Itachi kneeling beside him, providing words of reaffirmation and comfort? Sasuke can't help but sob when Itachi says that he is there for him, that he is not going anywhere. Oh the irony, it is Sasuke who should be comforting. Because Itachi shouldered so much on his own for far too damn long.
If this is a dream, why is Sasuke awfully aware of the pressing of their bodies as Itachi embraces him? This is no dream.
When Sasuke is somewhat able to collect himself, he apologizes sofly. He holds on to Itachi tightly, afraid he will disappear into thin air just as easily as he came to life before his eyes.
"Do you want to go to school or stay home the rest of the day?" are the options offered by the eldest Uchiha. "Mom and dad aren't back from their trip until next week, so they won't find out. You won't be in any trouble" he adds.
Sasuke thinks for a brief moment and considers what situation he finds himself in. The how and why he's back in the past matters not. His parents are alive in this timeline-his whole family is still alive. Sasuke has a shot in preventing their deaths and potentially Itachi's illness which happens in the future. Sasuke must stop Itachi. He's wondering what day it is, and how he's going to tackle this whole thing. Should Sasuke confess to Itachi he's actually a 25 year old stuck in the body of a child? What would Itachi say? Would Sasuke be able to convince him to not kill his family with just a conversation? Sasuke realizes he hasn't responded to Itachi. He comes to the conclusion that in order to actually change things in this timeline, he must have a plan. Itachi is stubborn, after all.
Sasuke uses the palm of his hand to dry his tears, and smiles the biggest and brightest smile he can muster as he looks at his brother in the eyes "I have a test today, I shouldn't miss it." Sasuke has no idea how he has ended up in the past, but his plan is to go to school and think things through before doing something stupid.
"Are you sure, Otouto?"
"Yes. Besides, don't you have stuff to do today?"
"It's okay to slack a day or two" itachi says with the warmest of smiles and Sasuke swears he can feel his heart melt.
"But how am I supposed to catch up to you then?" Sasuke does of course consider the offer, to pass a day in pure ignorance and bliss to the worries of tomorrow. With his most favorite person. Isn't that what he's always wanted? Itachi's undivided attention. Nothing else and no one else. But things aren't the same now, and Sasuke knows that with knowledge comes great responsibility.
"I have no doubts you will become a fine Shinobi"
"Not if I don't pass this test today niisan" Sasuke says insistently. "I'm gonna get ready" he adds with determination. Once Sasuke is done changing and eating a quick breakfast, Itachi informs him he will drop him off at the academy.
The walk is silent for the most part. Until itachi says "you know, you can talk to me about anything." When both part ways, Sasuke's head is filled with thoughts.
When he makes his way into class at the academy, he gets bombarded with questions like "why are you late Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke simply sighs and waves them away. He finds Naruto sitting by himself on a corner and decides to ask him about today's date.
When Naruto responds, Sasuke realizes it's exactly one week from his family's massacre. Sasuke is filled with hope. He starts to make his plan.
During lunch break, Sasuke wanders off to the forest without his peers and teachers noticing. He tries to summon his mangekyo sharingan but fails miserably. Even though he is a skilled 25 year old shinobi, his body is stuck in that of an underdeveloped child's. There is no way Sasuke can battle his Aniki in this state and win so this is out of the question. Sasuke also knows Itachi will not listen to his words. So what options does Sasuke have?