CHAPTER 15: INVADERS FROM IRK, PART 8
One last stop, one last hope for an ally against the incoming Irken invasion.
Though many have their reservations regarding the mission they have been called upon, skeptically questioning every level of it, there is at least a minimal amount of concern regarding the success of their mission, and some knowledge that they must be successful on this final recruitment.
Like anyone with too much time in between a moment of truth and the present, the reaction of those in the Comvee are to carry on as though nothing is happening, riding out the calm before the storm. Most of it is spent with friends and family interacting with each other, strengthening the bonds and love between each other.
The exceptions to this rule are Arnold Shortman, who still continues to stay solitary and silent, and Dib, who is solitary and silent as well, but not by his own choice. In between his erratic and bizarre behavior, and his misdeeds against those he claims to be his allies, he has found no friends on his quest.
He has, however, captured the attention from those open-minded, who wish to learn more from his conspiratory beliefs. Such is the case with Otto and Twister, who listened to a long explanation regarding Danny Fenton and the reason behind their attempt to recruit him, learning of his past life as Danny Phantom.
"So, like, we're, like, the second versions of ourselves? That we're in an alternate reality?" Twister asked.
"It's more complex than that. If anything, every reality is an alternate reality, and they just seem like alternate realities to us." Dib explained.
"But what about all the times the timeline got messed up because of time travel so far? I counted something like 4." Otto said.
"If we're going by the original timeline with Dark Danny in The Ultimate Enemy issue, that's roughly correct. His timeline was the first, then the timeline where Danny didn't cheat on his test, then whatever event sent us to Zim taking over, Danny didn't write what happened on that yet, and, finally, there's this one, where the machine was sent back to warn me."
"And you figured out that whole 'past life' stuff all by yourself?"
"It's amazing how many conspiracy theories you'll find are actually true when you dig just a bit deeper into them."
"Really? Tell us some more, man." Twister implored.
"I thought you guys would never ask. Just sit back and let me fill your minds with the absolute truth."
The drive from Illinois to Michigan takes 6 hours, at the least, but the drive must take stops for the purpose of refueling or acquiring food. What Twister asks of Dib, one would not expect to take more than an hour's conversation worth of time, perhaps two hours at the most with an impassioned back-and-forth...
...but, with someone as unstable-minded as Dib, his regurgitation of conspiracy theories lasts the entirety of the trip.
"First of all, did you know that Australia was actually a testing ground for white supremacy? See, with all of England's prison population being sent to an island of dark-skinned natives, they were actually making use of the island to further white breeding and takeover of various nations, hence why most of Australia is white, same with South Africa. Of course, you have the white supremacists trying to cover their own tracks with the Great Replacement Theory, trying to accuse the other side of what they're actually doing..."
"School shootings? False flags to take your guns? No, it's a layer deeper than that. See, they make you think you're gonna have your guns taken away from you, and they make gun sales spike up as a result, creating a massive windfall for gun manufacturers. And how do they get the sad kids to grow up into school shooters for this practice? They poison baby food with a certain chemical known as MSG-X that reacts to certain genes in males, making them less attractive to women and weakening their will to be more submissive, while simultaneously nurturing aggressive tendencies to create a Molotov cocktail of a human being..."
"Bigfoot's in on it, you know. You'd think with all these Bigfoot hunters, they'd eventually have found him by now, right? So, why didn't they? Because he's in on it. He's an employee of our department of tourism. Bigfoot's the last member of his species, all who live for hundreds of years, and he's looking to cash in before he goes extinct. He can avoid getting caught just by shaving, he'll just look like a big, tall guy after that. I know because he used our band saw once. And the hair he shaves? It goes for thousands on eBay. His pubes especially, your sexual vitality increase significantly if you burn them and inhale the fumes..."
"Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey are gay lovers who run a pedophilia ring with Oprah Winfrey. The guests they have on their shows? They're actually the customers. How is it you never actually meet these people with crazy lives in real life? That's just the cover story. The truth is that they're the elite, hiding in plain sight to make a spectacle and keep your eyes off the real story. Reports are that Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey had a three-way with a 14-year old boy on Elvis' toilet..."
"The Freemasons are a distraction meant to keep people's eyes off of the real face behind the curtain. I mean, the trick's in the name itself. Freemasons? They have free in the name, because they're there to give you the illusion that you're actually free. The reality is, Adolf Hitler and his Thule Society created them as a distraction after he escaped justice and hid in America, influencing politics, culture, and the media from behind the scenes. That's right, Adolf Hitler's still alive, but he's been mostly wheelchair-bound and he's cared for by his 5 sons..."
"Dinosaurs aren't actually real. The trick is, they're all superweapons that were created in the 1910s by Doctor Moreau. Yes, you heard me right. Victor Frankenstein was a real person. The H.G. Wells novel? A fictionalization of events after he experimented on humans. He was hired by the kaiser to make weapons to defeat America and the rest of Europe, and he created super-weapons out of lizard DNA, but the experiment went wrong, and they went all over the globe. Now, how did they get them all covered up with the 'science' of paleontology? Oh, boy, that's a whole 'nother can of worms..."
After hours of driving, the Comvee finally made its arrival to its destination of 1216 Franklin Avenue, with the mobile home coming to a slow and loud stop as its brakes settled. The sound of the brakes resembles that of a tired sigh from a man carrying too much on his back after a long journey, not too dissimilar from what the Comvee has been tasked with...
...but it also resembled the fatigue and annoyance of the passengers of the Comvee, who all left the vehicle with severe headaches brought about from Dib's rambling conspiracy theories. One by one they all made the effort to exit the Comvee, all grasping their heads in pain, desperate to receive fresh air and sunlight to recover.
"Oh, blimey, I haven't heard that much complete nonsense since Margaret Thatcher got elected." Nigel groaned.
"I haven't heard that much complete nonsense since Reagan got elected." Marianne groaned.
"If it wasn't for my healing factor, I'd swear I'd have lost brain cells." Arnold groaned.
"And people tell us our lyrics don't make any sense." Shane groaned.
"Lemmings are more introspective than that." Eliza groaned.
"I wish Nigel and Marianne didn't keep us from smoking weed during the drive. We definitely could've used it then." Tucker groaned.
"Forget weed, that needs shrooms to get over it." Donnie groaned.
"Remind me to read a computer 'zine to sooth the pain after this." Sam groaned.
"As long as you remind me to pick up a 'zine on sports." Reggie groaned.
"That was a lot less fun than I thought it was gonna be." Otto groaned.
The reaction to the verbal diarrhea that Dib let out is angry and pained, but not unanimous. Having listened enthusiastically all the way through the trip, Twister, a man so open-minded that one would swear his mind had fallen out of his head, ate up every word spoken by Dib, excitedly hanging on for more.
"...and then the governments converge into one socialist entity that eradicates free will and information." Dib finished.
"Whoa, dude. I had no idea all this stuff was going on right under our noses. Oh, oh! Wait! I didn't get to the big one: Who killed J.F.K.?" Twister asked.
"Lee Harvey Oswald."
The question asked and pondered for decades is given an anticlimactic answer that brings Twister no satisfaction, responding with confused disappointment.
"Wait... really? So that Oliver Stone movie was all bogus?" Twister asked.
"Yep." Dib said.
"Damn. I thought it'd be more interesting than that. Well, why did he kill J.F.K.?"
"Because J.F.K. slept with Oswald's wife."
Hearing the answer explained more fully, Twister stood in contemplation, thinking over the new context given with a delayed satisfaction.
"Huh. That makes total sense, actually." Twister thought aloud.
The passengers moved to the front door of the Loud House, walking up the driveway to reach it. As they walked through the driveway, the group, led by Arnold, Nigel, and Dib, looked upon a complete mess all about the yard, with toys and personal belongings scattered about, forcing many to watch their path.
"Lincoln Loud's supposed to have a bunch of sisters, right?" Arnold asked.
"10." Dib answered.
"10? Jesus, what are these guys, Mexicans?" Twister asked.
"Uh, you do know I'm Mexican, right?"
"Really? That's cool, so am I."
"...Then why were you making fun of Mexicans?"
"Well, you gotta learn to laugh at yourself."
"...Right."
The three leaders made their way to the front door, with Nigel pressing the doorbell. After pressing the doorbell, however, no sound could be heard from the inside of the house, making it possible that no doorbell had rang at all. Pressing the button once and twice more, still no result could be found, nor any response being made.
"Huh. Looks like their doorbell's broken." Nigel spectated.
"Well, can you hurry up and knock instead or something? I gotta take a leak." Otto said.
"Otto, why didn't you go in the Comvee?" Arnold scorned.
"The toilet was broken. Don't ask me who broke it, wasn't me."
Arnold groaned as he shook his head, knocking on the door in a hearty, fervent manner to gain the attention of the occupants of the house. Again could no response be heard, even with knocks made as loudly as Arnold made them, making no contact with Lincoln Loud nor getting Otto any closer to a toilet.
Looking about to find an alternative means of entering, Dib walked to a window on the patio, preparing to open it.
"Dib, what are you doing, man? Breaking and entering a home?" Nigel scowled.
"It's in the interest of saving the Earth. Besides, it's not locked." Dib said.
Pulling the window up, not deterred from any locks as he noted, Dib peered through the window, calling in the house to gain the attention of someone inside.
"Hello? We're looking for Lincoln Loud! We'd like a few minutes to talk to-" Dib began to call.
The window then slid down the rails and landed on Dib's back, nearly crushing his shoulderblades and making him land trapped in the window.
"Ow! Shit!" Dib groaned.
"You alright, bro?" Twister asked.
"No, I'm not alright, you dumbass! Somebody get me out of this-!"
Then, Dib's anger is cut short as an individual inside the house finally could be seen, but what he sees is nothing that he wishes he did.
The first occupant of the house that he saw was that of Lucy Loud, the 11-year old sister obsessed with all things gothic and the color black, presenting herself in her typical wear of a black dress. What accompanied her dress was a pair of kitchen knives in her hands, which she held with her arms held out in an intimidating manner.
"Ha-ha-ha... I caught you... I caught you... The big, fat bug right in my spider web..." Lucy laughed.
Also in her hands, just somewhat visible until she came closer, was a net made out of string, which she placed upon Dib's head. The action comes as one that brought him confusion to the immense fear he began to feel, becoming even more fearful by the second as Lucy raised the knives up.
"And, now, the spider gets to give the bug a big sting." Lucy giggled.
"Oh, god... Oh, god, oh, god! HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Dib screamed.
"Lucy! Are you trying to kill the mailman again?" A voice called.
Hearing the voice of her father come from across the house, Lucy hid her knives behind her back, responding meekly to the call.
"No, dad. It's just some big-headed weirdo." Lucy said.
"Well, let the big-headed weirdo in and put the knives back in the kitchen, honey. We don't kill visitors." Lynn Sr. called.
Looking down on the frightened face of Dib Membrane, Lucy looked upon him with a blank stare that carried her typical unsettling mood with it.
"You're getting off light." Lucy said.
Grabbing the bottom of the window, Lucy pulled it up, allowing Dib to escape. He did so with a great speed and fright, running back into the arms of the rest of the group.
Backing against Arnold and Otto, he looked back on the two to see them smugly smiling at the humiliated Dib.
"Shut up." Dib groaned.
The group entered the house at last as Lucy opened the door for them, finding the matriarch and patriarch of the house, Lynn Sr. and Rita, entering the foyer with the remaining 9 of their children all coming to investigate the manner, treating every event in the house as though it were a show.
"Sorry about that, folks. What can we do for you?" Lynn Sr. asked.
Before any explanations could be given, Lincoln stepped forward with eyes wide and full of amazement, approaching one particular member of the group of guests and singling out the one who commanded the most attention from him. Looking in the eyes of the football-headed man with green eyes, Lincoln's mouth widened into a smile, identifying him as...
"The Green Eye. You're the Green Eye, aren't you?" Lincoln asked.
Arnold's reaction is not as enthusiastic or gleeful as Lincoln's, who rolled his eyes at the immediate recognition he faced.
"Used to be." Arnold sighed.
"Cool! Holy, crap, this is cool! The Green Eye's here! The Green Eye actually came to see me!" Lincoln cheered.
Arnold shook his head and sighed as Lincoln's excitement, taking no pleasure in being recognized as his former self.
As Lincoln moved on to the rest of the group, his excitement increased as he met with and recognized each member, his enthusiasm increasing with every face that he recognized, and, in turn, his mouth moving as quickly as his mind was at that moment in time.
"Oh, wow! You're Otto Rocket and Rocket Power! That whole thing you did stopping Ocean Shores from being bought by Alex Gravity? Super-awesome! Ronnie Anne and Lynn are big fans of you guys, too, we talk about you a lot, it's super-cool that you guys are skaters and superheroes, you don't see that real often. Oh, by the way, I also fought Twister's brother Lars a couple of times, actually three times, but I beat him every single time! I even fought this alternate-reality version of him that turned up as well, that one was kind of my sister Lisa's fault, but we took care of him, too. Oh, and I recognize the Comvee outside, that's Nigel Thornberry and the Thornberry family, right? Well, I'm more of an ARGGH! fan, but your nature show's pretty cool, too, and..." Lincoln ranted.
As the long, delirious, fanboyish ranting of Lincoln Loud extended to the rest of the group, the vast majority of eyes went darting to one another in disbelief and stupor, unable to compensate with the rate in which the white-haired boy spoke his praises to them, and how much he had to say.
Acting as the harder side of the Thornberry parents, Marianne intervened to silence Lincoln, accomplishing the feat by clearing her throat loudly.
"Pardon me, um, Lincoln, was it? The enthusiasm is appreciated, but we're on a bit of a schedule. Would you like us to actually tell you why we're here?" Marianne asked.
"Oh, yeah, sorry, of course." Lincoln stammered.
"Yes, that's a question we'd like to hear ourselves, ma'am." Rita added.
"Well, as your son no doubt has guessed, Mr. and Mrs. Loud, we're here for Ace Savvy. And we've got a few things to ask of him." Dib said.
"Yeah, starting with: 'Where's your bathroom'?" Otto asked.
Making his way to the restroom, Otto let out a long stream of urine in the toilet, groaning as he relieved his bladder from the immense stress it was put under during the duration of their drive. Having felt an enormous pressure on his urinary system lifted so quickly, Otto put a hand against the wall to keep his balance, sighing in a content groan as his liquid waste left his body.
The urination, made at a forceful pace and rate, caused the water in the toilet bowl to splash loudly, the sound of the liquid displacement being so violent that it sounded more akin to water boiling rather than one liquid pouring into another. Likewise, the sounds of relief that Otto made sounded less associated with typical bathroom habits, and more akin to reaching the highest pleasures in life.
"Ngh... Ah... Ooh, shit... Ooh... Ungh... Ah..." Otto groaned.
Yet another recap of recent events has been shared, this time between the Loud parents and Lincoln. As the rest of the Comvee's passengers and Loud family spend time elsewhere in the Loud House, Arnold, Nigel, and Dib are able to share the important information uninterrupted.
The news is as harrowing to anyone else who is willing to believe it, and they are only a few they have encountered thus far who do believe.
"Oh... Um... That's... Uh... Wow." Rita stammered.
"Let me guess: You believe it all, because you've seen weird stuff for yourself, right?" Arnold asked.
"Well, of course, we've got a little science whiz-kid as our second-to-last daughter. Fixed up the microwave at the tender age of 2 and a half!" Lynn Sr. cheered.
"She turned it into a fission reactor, honey." Rita corrected.
"She went above and beyond what I could've."
"Guys, can you please not do this in front of the Green Eye? The man's the most popular superhero in the world, be a little more tactful, please." Lincoln said.
Once again does Arnold find discomfort with his renounced title, sighing as Lincoln referred to him as such.
"Er... You know, you can just call me Arnold, kid." Arnold said.
"Oh, right, because we're not in costume, right. Okay, Arnold, wink-wink, nod-nod. But, seriously, I'm a huge, huge fan. I mean, I wasn't at first, but that's mainly because I was sort of jealous of you, trying to be a superhero myself, and all. But now that's all behind me, and I can appreciate it. I saw the Fall of Hillwood happen on the news like a lot of people, and, boy, was it a scary time, but you made it awesome, the stuff you did." Lincoln swooned.
"'Awesome'? Kid, I watched almost every single person I know die, including my own parents, all to gangs of cannibals, Nazis, and cultists. If you were there, dealing with what I had to, you wouldn't be calling that 'awesome'. You'd be calling it a goddamn nightmare."
Arnold's angered response and the disturbing content of his rant made the mood sour, with Lincoln's excitement finally being dwindled.
"Well... I mean, seeing you try to stop it was the awesome part. Obviously, the cannibals, Nazis, and cultists were bad." Lincoln apologized.
Then, Lucy Loud popped up behind the couch to interject, giving a scare from the Loud family members sitting on it.
"Cannibals, Nazis, and cultists? Sounds pretty awesome to me. Well, the science-y occult kind of Nazis, anyway. I don't support white nationalism. Just being pale from lack of sun." Lucy added.
"Lucy, you're not helping." Lincoln bemoaned.
Finally disposing the last of his liquid waste, Otto flushed the toilet, moving to the sink to wash his hands. Outside the doorway to the restroom was Twister, waiting on him to leave the restroom, standing by in annoyance and impatience. The desire for both of them to leave the restroom behind and move on to their mission is at the forefront of their minds, having little patience for distractions...
...but, upon laying eyes on a small brown brick on the bathroom sink counter, Otto's cannabis-loving brain prompted the attention of another mission.
"Yo, Twist, come in here!" Otto called.
"Hell, no, dude, I'm not looking at your dick." Twister rejected.
"No, dude, these guys are carrying."
"Carrying? Carrying what?"
Twister entered the bathroom in curiosity, meeting with Otto and following his eyes to look at the counter, his eyes locking onto the same small brown brick that caught his attention. Stoners to the core, both knelt down to observe the brick closer, admiring it for what they believed it to be.
"Is that what I think it is, dude?" Twister asked.
"Hell, yeah. Hash. Pure, unadulterated, hash." Otto admired.
"Oh, dude..."
"Yeah. Let's smoke this shit."
"Hey, wait, dude, that's not ours. We can't just smoke it without their permission."
"We'll pay them back. Twist, believe me, I know good hash when I see it, and you gotta smoke it ASAP when you do, because it just goes bad over time. Besides, we're about to go off and fight some aliens. When are we gonna get another chance to get high like this again?"
"Uh... Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Damn right. C'mon, let's go find an empty room to smoke it in."
"Why not here?"
"Someone else might need the bathroom, we don't wanna stick it up anymore than the next guy might."
"This house is filled with girls."
"Girls stink it up worse. You ever smell the tampons they leave in the trash can? That's one of the few things I don't miss about dating like I used to."
"Oh, right."
Departing from the bathroom, their search for a room to smoke in began.
Back downstairs, with the Loud parents, Lincoln Loud, and those who wish to recruit him...
"This is all just a bit much to take in. I mean, of course it is, but... you're asking my son to partake in... what exactly? Fighting an alien invasion?" Rita asked.
"That's about it." Dib said.
"Sounds good to me, I'm in!" Lincoln cheered.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, son. I don't think you realize what exactly you're getting into here. This is dangerous, what we're all talking about here." Lynn Sr. protested.
"So? I did dangerous back when I was Ace Savvy, fighting supervillains. And I beat 'em all!"
"You also got into bucketloads of trouble, all of which started when you did things that you shouldn't have been doing." Rita added.
"But I got bucketloads of money as a result of it! Have we forgotten that? It's helped us out a lot with the house recently!"
"Have we also forgotten that you said you were gonna give up being Ace Savvy? You said yourself that maybe the world doesn't need heroes right this second, and other people can take care of problems." Lynn Sr. said.
The point made Lincoln pause to groan, hating that his own words came back to haunt him.
"Well, that was because what I did brought more supervillains. I said that maybe the world needs Ace Savvy some other time, but not then. But this is the now when the world needs heroes again. Who else is gonna deal with this?" Lincoln asked.
"The Green Eye and his group by themselves? At worst, the military?" Rita asked.
Back upstairs...
On the hunt for a place to smoke their newly-acquired hashish, Otto and Twister searched the various rooms for a quiet place to indulge in a cannabis high. In a stranger's house, the prospect of using other rooms without permission might seem taboo, much less using items of their belonging also without permission...
...but that does not hinder Otto or Twister. What does hinder them is what in chaos lay behind each door.
Otto opened one to find a baseball bat fall and clank him on the head, only to have a vampire bat fly over and screech as it threatened to bite him.
"You find a good room, Otto?" Twister asked.
"Nope. Just got attacked by one bat, then another. You find one?" Otto asked.
Twister opened the nearest door to find a crown-wearing alligator snarling and snapping its lipstick-glistened jaws at him, forcing him to slam the door.
"Uh, nope. But I think this place should have animal control called." Twister shuddered.
The next room Otto opened the door to gave him another surprise, but this one was far less unpleasant to him.
In the room belonging to Luna and Luan Loud, the former member of the room was seen sitting on a chair with her significant other, Sam Sharp, sitting on her and embracing her passionately. The two were engaged in a heavy amount of foreplay, feeling up one another as they kissed.
The sapphic sight is one that greatly excited Otto, and he stood by with a vouyeristic eye...
"Otto, man, did you find-?" Twister began to ask.
...and, upon meeting with Otto, Twister looked in to see the same sight, but reacted with far less favor that his best friend did.
"Otto, what are you doing, man? We shouldn't be watching this!" Twister whispered.
"Relax, Twist. I'm just enjoying the show." Otto whispered.
"Those girls are probably sisters! This is so wrong!"
"C'mon, Twister, this is Michigan, not Mississippi."
"They're probably underage!"
"The age of consent's 16 here. Besides, I lost it way earlier than that."
"They're gonna see us watching them!"
As predicted by Twister, Luna is the first to spot them out of the corner of her eye, breaking off her kiss with Sam and looking at them with scorn, and Sam doing the same as her eyes looked to where her significant other's did. While Twister appeared extremely embarassed and hid his face, Otto played himself off as cool, standing by with a relaxed stance.
"Oh, I'm sorry, ladies. Did I interrupt anything important?" Otto asked.
"Uh, yeah, brah. This ain't a free show." Luna growled.
"What's the price of admission?"
"Show's sold out, it's an intimate one for two. Now piss off, you perverts." Sam Sharp growled.
"Uh, sorry, girls, we were just-" Twister began to say.
Before able to flee, Otto grabbed Twister and held him back, keeping his casual approach to the hostile reactions of Luna and Sam.
"Oh, sorry about all this girls, really..." Otto began to say.
Then, he pulled a bag of marijuana out of his pocket, displaying it to the lovers.
"...we'll just take our weed and go somewhere else, then." Otto finished.
Having displayed the marijuana in full, Otto began walking away with Twister, only for Luna and Sam, sharing a shocked, agreeing look to each other, to call for their return.
"No, no, no, no, no! Wait! It's not that intimate!" Sam Sharp called.
"Yeah, c'mon, sweet child o' mine! We were just joking!" Luna called.
Having achieved his goal of staying in the company of Luna and Sam, Otto returned back to their room, keeping Twister by him as he walked back.
"Works every time." Otto snickered.
Back downstairs...
"Mom, please! Can't you understand that this is the moment I've been waiting for? The big return of Ace Savvy! Alongside some of the greatest heroes who ever lived! It's what I've wanted my whole life!" Lincoln protested.
"Last time, it was being a hero in general you wanted, and you didn't want it anymore after you got it. Are you really even sure what you want, Lincoln? Because it sounds to me like you're still hanging onto dreams you had once." Rita said.
"What's wrong with hanging onto dreams? You wanted to be an author while working at the dentist's office, and you held onto the dream until you made it! That's an example of holding onto a dream, isn't it?"
"That's different, Lincoln. I just wanted to write books. These people are asking you to go to war."
"Lincoln, maybe you're not really understanding where we're coming from. You made it the last time around, but that's not something you just walk away from just once. You got lucky. You might not get lucky again." Lynn Sr. argued.
"Ace Savvy makes his own luck."
"Lincoln, will you please just-" Rita began to say.
Seeing that no middle ground was found between Lincoln and his parents, Nigel cleared his throat loudly, interrupting and gaining their attention.
"Mr. and Mrs. Loud, if I may, you're not the only ones who have a lot of love and concern for your children. I'm a father of 3 myself. 5 if you count my son-in-law and nephew. But I can also attest to how resilient children can be. My second-youngest, Eliza, she would often run off on her own during shoots of our show, alongside Darwin. That's a chimpanzee we picked up and took in. She's got a power of her own, you see: She can talk to animals. She'd go off and talk with and tussle with some of the most dangerous animals on the planet, quite literally, yet she'd always come out on top. Had I known half of what she was going through, I would've locked the girl up myself. Actually, I tried that, too, tried putting her in a boarding school. She managed to break herself out and took a plane all the way to Africa, just so she could save a cheetah cub from poachers. Wouldn't you know it, the girl not only saved the cub, but she stopped a massive plan to slaughter an entire pack of elephants at the same time. We often think of children like they're vulnerable and needy, and, often times, they are, but no more than us grown-ups. They've also got a will to fight and beliefs, just like us grown-ups. Moreso than most others I can name, in fact. I may not know Lincoln like you do, but I can tell from what I know of his feats already that he's no pushover, and he can hold his own. And he does believe in doing good, and he's wanted a moment like this. What say you confide in him, and let him help us save the world?" Nigel asked.
The speech comes from the heart and is soft-spoken, with Lynn Sr. and Rita blankly staring at him in response.
"I say you're a terrible father." Rita answered.
The reaction is as unwelcomed as it is unexpected, making Nigel Thornberry react in anger towards the dismissal.
"What-? Good god, woman, how dare you?! I'll have you know I personally dug my own daughter out of a blizzard, and flew her over the Australian outback, while combating a wedge-tailed eagle, all to get her to a hospital for her appendicitis! You yanks can say what you want about anything, but not my family, or how much I love them!" Nigel yelled.
Playing the role of protector in reverse from Nigel, Arnold stood up to calm him down, urging him not to act out his anger.
"Calm down. Let's not fight each other here. We came because we need help fighting another enemy. Keep the focus where it matters." Arnold said.
The one moment of peacemaking Arnold showed is enough to impress Nigel and bring him out of his anger, sitting back on the couch.
"Yes, of course." Nigel said.
"I'm sorry. That was out of line." Rita apologized.
"Apology accepted, ma'am."
"Listen. I get it. You love your son, and you'll do anything to protect him. Nobody..." Arnold began to say.
Remembering his own parents' demise, Arnold let out a sigh, holding back his own negative emotions on the matter.
"Nobody understands that better than me. Believe me. But if this is all true, than what we're dealing with here means that your son's in danger, whether you like it or not. This way, he'll at least be on the front lines, and we'll have a chance to stop it before it becomes a bigger problem, and leads to other kids dying. I learned from experience the consequences of not dealing with this threat right away." Arnold said.
"Well, I suppose, when you put it that way-" Lynn Sr. began to say.
"Wait a minute. What do you mean, 'if this is all true'?" Rita asked.
"I'm not fully convinced of everything I was sold on this mission. But I'm here anyway to make sure." Arnold explained.
"But you don't even know if what you're asking our son to do is an actual threat or not?"
"No. But there is enough of one that I came along anyway."
"Oh, I don't believe this. You come all this way to try to talk to our son into fighting some war, and you don't even believe it's real?"
Letting out an annoyed sigh, Arnold composed himself as not to lose his patience, rephrasing his words to the Loud parents to sway them.
"Listen. Forget about all this alien shit for a minute. You know the man who caused the Fall of Hillwood and its destruction?" Arnold asked.
"Thaddeus Gammelthorpe. The Freak." Lincoln answered.
"Yeah, what he said." Lynn Sr. said.
"Right. He's the reason that this future shit allegedly happens in the first place. Do I believe it? Not really. But I fought that monster for two months, and I had nothing to show for it but my home city destroyed, and almost everyone I know dead. It... It broke me, goddammit. You think I went back to the jungle because it was cheap? If there's any chance that it all happens again, I need to make sure it stops. That's why all of us are teaming up. To make sure the best and biggest hitters ensure this happens, and, so far, we've got the best." Arnold explained.
Back upstairs...
The shared room of Luna and Luan was filled with burned marijuana, replacing much of the air with smoke carrying the herb and all its effects. The effects made its way to the brains of the room's occupants, filling what remained of the air with bouts and bouts of heavy laughter.
What began as an unfriendly act of voyeurism turned to a friendly bonding session made over a weed used to attain higher consciousness. The four known as Otto Rocket, Twister Rodriguez, Luna Loud, and Sam Sharp find more than this together, losing their collective grips on sanity in exchange for hysteria.
"Oh, man, this is some of the best stuff I've ever had, brah." Luna laughed.
"That's an Otto Rocket special, girl, fresh from Ocean Shores. Homegrown, all natural, organic, no additives, just the good stuff." Otto laughed.
"How'd you learn to grow it so good, man?" Sam Sharp asked.
"We were unemployed for over 10 years, we had to fill the time somehow." Twister laughed.
A shared burst of laughter came from the group as one, reacting even more extremely to a small joke.
"Man, you guys were total losers, huh?" Luna joked.
"Oh, yeah, we totally were. But now we got jobs selling skateboards and surfboards. It's totally rad. But we also got better weed-growing tips from our Uncle Tito. That big guy... Whoa, man, can he smoke!" Twister joked.
Another over-the-top fit of laughter ensued, with the four acting even more hysterical.
"Oh, man, you're the funniest gay dude I've ever ran into. Most of them have sticks up their asses." Luna laughed.
"You'd think having sticks up there would make them lighten up more, wouldn't you?" Sam Sharp added.
The group heartily gut-laughed once more, but the final notes left in Luna's comment stuck in Twister's mind enough to question it.
"Hey, hey, Luna, why'd you call me a gay dude?" Twister asked.
"Oh, man, I am so stoned right now." Luna laughed.
"Girl, we're all stoned!" Sam Sharp laughed.
Yet another group laugh occurred, but still Twister did not relent on his burning question.
"Hey, Luna, why'd you call me a gay dude?" Twister asked.
"Because you are, man!" Luna laughed.
More gut-laughs ensued, even from Twister, with the group too high to find the conversation too intimate or crass.
"Soon as you walked in the door, my gaydar started going: 'Whoop-whoop-whoop! Fag alert! Fag alert!'" Luna laughed.
Once more did the group gut-laugh, with even Twister laughing at the comments outing him.
"Yeah, man, I could sense it, too. Soon as I saw you, I thought: 'Oh, yeah, this dude loves the cock! He's thinking about...'" Sam Sharp began to say.
Sam Sharp finished her sentence with a tongue-in-cheek motion, holding a hand up to her face, gaining yet more hard laughs from the group.
"Hey, c'mon, what are you guys talking about? I'm not gay." Twister laughed.
"Yeah, right, brah. Closet case much?" Luna asked.
"No, really, I'm not gay. Really."
"Oh, yeah? Maybe we should prove it." Sam Sharp said.
"How are you gonna prove that I'm not gay?"
Going up to Luna and whispering in her ear, Sam Sharp made a suggestion that made Luna giggle mischievously, liking the suggestion made to her.
"Alright, we got something. You don't have to do anything. You just sit back and enjoy the show." Luna said.
Walking up to her stereo system, Luna took out a CD and inserted it into the tray, pressing 'PLAY' to start the disc. She did not turn back to the others or return to her seat upon starting the CD, instead waiting for the song to start, patiently standing by as the song began to load.
[Soundtrack Cue: Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf]
Once the song began to play, Luna began swaying her hips back and forth, displaying her buttocks to the others in an erotic fashion. Letting the music fuel her movements, made even more intense with the marijuana enhancing the effect of the music, and restraining herself from headbanging.
Turning herself around, her eyes went to Sam Sharp as her body continued its movements. Showing off her body with more sways as she moved her hands up and down herself, Sam Sharp watched with eyes widened and hungry for more, instinctively spreading her legs as she watched.
Sam Sharp is obviously and clearly aroused by what she sees, but Twister has little to no reaction aside from confusion, who watched with a curiosity bereft of sexuality. He knows that this is a sight that should excite him, he knows that his brain should register this as a chance for reproduction...
...but neither his brain nor body react as such.
Walking up to Sam Sharp in a sultry manner with long strides in her steps, continuing to let her hands run across herself, Luna made her way up to Sam's chair, putting her foot down on the chair and positioning it mere millimeters away from her crotch, making use of the space her spread legs made.
The step made Sam Sharp perk up in surprise and arousal, looking back at Luna with a bitten lip. Letting her foot back down, Luna put her hands on the armrests of the chair, slouching over Sam Sharp and letting her head hang down. Swaying her head back and forth, her hair whipped about, stopping only to look back at her girlfriend.
Turning herself around, Luna seated herself on top of Sam Sharp's lap, pressing her buttocks up against it. Continuing to let the music guide her movements, she began providing her with a lapdance, grinding herself up against Sam's body. Feeling the warm body of her significant other grind against her, Sam Sharp moved herself closer to Luna, letting her grind closer onto her.
Yet still does Twister find nothing interesting or arousing in the show, but, looking over to Otto, he found that he also enjoyed the show as well as Sam Sharp did. Seeing his best friend watch the show with great interest, his fingers digging into the armrests of his chair, Twister knows that Otto feels what he himself does not...
...but what he does feel, to his own surprise, is a bout of jealousy. What began as passing curiosity now became anger, looking away in frustration from Otto and with less positive feelings towards the lapdance, and less more so with every second that the show continued.
Back downstairs...
The discussion between the Loud parents and those who seek out Lincoln are unaware of the altercation happening upstairs, but the music blaring from the second story of the house made its way to them. Though not loud enough to drown out speech and thoughts, it was nonetheless a hindrance to discussions, and judged that it must be removed.
"Where's that music coming from?" Dib asked.
"Oh, that'd be Luna. She loves music, she's our resident rockstar." Lynn Sr. said.
"How cute. Can you get her to turn it off?" Arnold asked.
"Yes, that's not particularly helping right now. Honey?" Rita asked.
"Ok, I'll be right back." Lynn Sr. said.
Leisurely did Lynn Sr. get up from his chair, making his way upstairs just as slowly to see to the music.
Back upstairs...
Still did Luna continue to grind on Sam Sharp, taking her girlfriend's hands and putting them on her own hips. Feeling her body from two different ends of her tactile senses, Sam Sharp's heart rate and breathing increased as she felt the stimulation, becoming too excited for her own good.
The show is enjoyed by those attracted to women, with their sexual responses flaring up in full, but Twister has no such reaction as he watched. Instead, the show, long and drawn-out as it was, made him start to feel uncomfortable, and wish that it would soon come to an end.
Even in the haze of cannabis smoke, or perhaps made more clearer from the herb's effects, he came to question his own sexuality, and felt as though he no longer knew himself. As mentioned, the show is enjoyed by those who are attracted to women, but this fact led to a realization for Twister he had never before come to:
He is not.
[Soundtrack Cue End]
The song finally came to an end, as did Luna's lapdance. The aftermath of the performance was a very hot and bothered Sam Sharp, a very prideful Luna Loud, and an Otto Rocket staring in absolute amazement as his body was drenched in sweat from the sheer excitement he held.
"I'm hard like a dragon right now." Otto moaned.
"That's a sign that our little experiment's working. Now, let's see if subject number 2 had the same results." Luna said.
Walking up to Twister, Luna put her hand on his crotch, checking for his arousal, much to his chagrin.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Twister yelped.
No signs of arousal could be found on his body, leading Luna to retract her hand.
"Nope. He's soft as putty. He's a killer queen, gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam. What do you think about that, Otto?" Luna asked.
Otto paused for a short period before answering, wearing a blank expression on his face.
"I'm sorry, what? I forgot what we were doing here." Otto said.
Otto's reaction got more laughs out of the group, except for Twister, who continued to smolder in discomfort.
"Oh, oh! I remember now! You girls liked that weed, right? Well, if you wanna take it a step higher, we got something else you're gonna love." Otto said.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a bag of the material he found in the bathroom, displaying it to the rest.
"Hashish. You wanna try?" Otto asked.
"Brah, I get any higher than this, my legs are gonna give out." Luna said.
"Mine already did." Sam Sharp said.
"Suit yourselves. Twist, come hit this shit with me." Otto said.
"Otto, I'm not really feeling it anymore. Can we just-" Twister began to say.
"No, no, don't give me that, come over here."
Emptying the burnt marijuana bud out of his pipe, Otto filled it back up with the hashish, lighting and smoking it. Sheepishly following along, Twister moved up to Otto and knelt beside him, preparing to smoke along. After lighting the hashish, Otto took the first puff, with Twister following suit.
"How is it?" Luna asked.
Otto and Twister both shared a few more puffs of the hashish, finding the results less than to their satisfaction.
"Huh. This stuff's a lot weaker than I thought. We'll have to smoke some more." Otto said.
At last making his way up the stairs, Lynn Sr. walked through the door to Luna's room, finding his daughter and her girlfriend sitting back while Otto and Twister continued to smoke. The smell of marijuana reeked in the room, making the past events more than obvious, but Lynn Sr. reacted in a more positive manner than expected.
"Oh, hey! You guys've been smoking a little Mary Jane, huh? Heh-heh, I remember when I used to fire it up nearly every day back in college, those were the days. Man, this stuff smells pretty strong." Lynn Sr. said.
With Luna and Sam mostly half-conscious and barely able to respond, Lynn Sr. moved his attention to Otto and Twister, taking note of the substance they were smoking.
"Hey, whatcha guys got there? Looks a lot different from the stuff I had." Lynn Sr. said.
"Oh, hey, man, we found your hash. We'll pay you back for it, cross my heart." Otto said.
"Hash? I didn't cook any hash browns today."
"No, no, man, your hashish. I didn't wanna be a dick and just smoke it, but, I'm going to war against aliens and shit, I need a little something to take the edge off."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know, your hashish. The stuff you left on your bathroom counter. By the way, this stuff's not that good, I think you got ripped off for it. I've been puffing this 10 times now and I can't feel a thing."
The situation and line of questioning confused Lynn Sr. to a great degree, but a moment of thought made the truth more clear, and the truth behind the hashish revealed.
"Oh, you mean my kidney stone? I passed it this morning, kept it out so the doctors could look at it." Lynn Sr. said.
The answer revealed behind the true identity of the hashish made Otto and Twister both look at Lynn Sr. in a dead silence of shock and disbelief, unsure if they had processed the information they were given correctly. In the hopes of hearing differently, they allow Lynn Sr. a chance to correct the record once more.
"What?" Otto asked.
Back downstairs...
"Good gracious, he's taking awhile up there." Rita thought aloud.
"Well, that's how husbands are, ma'am. I can attest, being one myself, ngh-heh-heh." Nigel joked.
"Well, in any case, I still don't know about my son hanging out with a bunch of strangers."
"You don't have to worry about that, my fair lady. We're quite responsible for our own, and take care of ourselves."
The conversation was interrupted by a pair of feet running down the stairs and towards the door, only able to glimpse it as Otto and Twister rushing by.
"Go, go, go, go, go, go!" Otto yelled.
Bursting through the door, Twister led the way outside to the yard, with Otto following behind and coughing and gagging in disgust as he did.
"Oh, god, oh, god, why did you talk me into this, dude?!" Twister groaned.
"I thought it was hash!" Otto groaned.
"It wasn't hash!"
"It looked like it! So, I was wrong!"
"Oh, god, I got piss rocks in my lungs, dude! It burns!"
"It's the salt! It's burning me, too!"
Desperately trying to get the remaining residue of the kidney stone out of their lungs, Otto and Twister shared several pained coughs and gags, eventually beginning to dry heave from the taste of the smoke in their mouths. Needless to say, what high they experienced before was nowhere to be found now, and what joy they gained turned to ode with the great mistake they made.
And Rita, watching the aftermath of this mistake, turned to the group with an unamused face.
"You're 'quite responsible'?" Rita asked.
"Eh... Except them, we're watching them, too." Nigel explained.
The incident is the last straw in the decision of the Louds, who, after assisting with the needs of Otto and Twister with glasses of water and humidifiers, return to the past conversation with even less interest than previously held. The words are all but inevitable to be heard, but they are dreaded nonetheless by all parties begging and hoping for a 'yes'.
"Our answer is no." Lynn Sr. said.
"Mr. and Mrs. Loud, please, you don't understand what's at stake here. He could be one of, if not the, deciding factor in our success." Dib pleaded.
"Then you'll have to find someone else." Rita said.
"Please, mom, dad! I want to go with them! They need my help! The world needs Ace Savvy again!" Lincoln begged.
"We said no, Lincoln."
"PLEASE! I have to do this! They're counting on me!"
"Lincoln Loud, you are not going with them, and that is final!" Lynn Sr. scolded.
Yelling in frustration, Lincoln ran upstairs past everyone else, going to his room and slamming the door. The display, immature as though it was, nonetheless shared the same feelings that the rest of the group felt, failing once again to secure another hero to fight on their side.
With nothing else to do to achieve their goals, a silent exit is made for the rest.
"Thank you for your time." Arnold said.
While the group left the house, Lincoln remained alone and upset in his room, looking out the window as he watched the heroes leave. Depression sets in as he faced the reality that he could not fight alongside the Green Eye, much less fulfill his purpose as a hero.
Upon his wall, the costume of Ace Savvy is mounted in display, serving as a reminder to the days when he fought in it, living out his dream of being a superhero. He knows that his parents will never let him fill the suit again, never again take up the fight against evil that he loved to fight, forced to live a normal life once again.
Then, another thought struck him, one made in pure adolescent rebellion and determination:
Why bother with his parents' permission?
Leaving the Loud House, the group all marched back to the Comvee, loading it full still in silence as they faced defeat once again.
Arnold is one of the few who does not fully share the malaise of the rest, instead sharing the same in annoyed indifference as he simply waited for this mission to come to an end. The man responsible for him taking up the mission stood behind him and gave a pat on his back, proving the sincerity behind his next words.
"You surprised me quite a bit back there, lad." Nigel said.
"Hmm? Impressed you with what?" Arnold asked.
"Back there when I lost my temper. You stood up and made me stand back down."
"Oh, yeah. Well, it would've have helped anything if you got into a yelling match."
"It showed quite a lot of leadership. That's good, especially for what we've got waiting for us."
"Doesn't mean that much. I'm going home once this is done. Not to mention, we've only got 1 stop out of 5 that we got anybody."
"Well, we shouldn't let that stop us."
"No, he's right. We were supposed to get enough manpower to help us, and we completely failed. All we got was the goddamn stoners." Dib groaned.
"Hey, two stoners, a computer geek, and his reporter girlfriend." Sam Dullard quipped.
"It doesn't matter! There's a whole alien invasion coming to Earth to kill us all, and that's to say nothing of Zim! What are we going to do now?"
Then, almost as if in response to Dib's question, the Comvee door opened and closed, with the sight of Lincoln Loud with a duffel bag found inside.
"Okay, I'm in, go, go, go!" Lincoln urged.
"What? But what about your parents-?" Marianne began to ask.
"Nevermind that, just drive! Drive!"
"Lad, did you sneak out and-?" Nigel began to ask.
"Go already! Before my parents find out! Drive!"
No longer arguing with the suddenly-appearing Lincoln Loud, Marianne floored the gas pedal of the Comvee, driving away fast in an instant.
"Dude, you snuck out?" Tyler asked.
"Of course I did. My parents wouldn't let me come, so I had to." Lincoln answered.
"Won't you get in trouble, man?" Donnie asked.
"Doesn't matter. I need to do the right thing."
"A boy after my own heart." Eliza joked.
With Lincoln now joining them in spite of the troubles they faced previously, Dib let out a sigh, knowing that at least some numbers were on his side.
"Alright. I guess that'll have to do." Dib thought aloud.
Tapping Arnold on the arm, Otto used his attention to display three fingers raised, smiling as he did so.
"So, we've got at least one heavy hitter on our side. You sure we can work with that?" Arnold asked.
"I hope so. I just hope we don't have any more surprises." Dib said.
The state of Michigan is comprised of two peninsulas, surrounded by 4 lakes. These 4 lakes, alongside the slightly more distant Lake Ontario, known as the Great Lakes of America, shared along a border with Canada and the United States. They are often a location explored for tourism, attracting many visitors with a love of wildlife.
There is a visitor who comes to this location now, but it is not a tourist, nor do they have any plans for the wildlife other than annihilation. Coming down from the skies, an Irken escape pod makes its way down to Earth following a long journey through space, finally reaching its destination.
Its arrival is announced with a loud splash into Lake Huron, making an ear-shattering boom as it collided with the Earth. Despite the loud noise, there is no one in the vicinity, no humans in the woodlands nearby to hear the crash-landing, and, with the escape pod under the water, there is no apparent evidence of its existence.
Except for one Irken who climbed out of the water, with her loyal S.I.R. following closely behind.
"[Earth. How long it's been.]" Tak thought aloud.
"[Master. Shall we get started on establishing a base?]" MiMi asked.
"[No. We've no time to waste. First things come first. First... we find Zim.]"
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