Chapter 11: Friendship

The time on Midgard is drawing on. Loki didn't mean to be here so long, but there's still the losing question of what to do about Thor. He can't take him back to Asgard. Can't...

What does he do, when their time together is so brief?

Thor is as lost here as Loki always has been on Asgard.

Yelena is free for what is evidently the first time in her life, and she, Natasha, and Clint depart for an unknown destination. Sam bids them a temporary farewell, and despite Bucky's complaints about him, he seems genuinely disappointed at his absence.

It leaves Loki wondering if anyone would say the same about him on Asgard, but he has no intention of finding out.

The mortals are... they are. Tony is talking about going off to some other home of his. Steve, Bucky, and Bruce have nowhere else to go. Loki's staying with Thor, even if they've been avoiding each other for days.

Bucky is still quiet, and Loki tries to coax him into speaking. He and Thor had run through the same phase once. Seeing that, the HYDRA base had dragged up a lot of suppressed memories.

Truthfully, he wants to slaughter every single one of them.

Steve is still at beating up punching bags in what the mortals call a gym.

Loki straight up rolls his eyes at him when he finds him there again. Thor would do things like this, too, except he would either throw things or beat someone up.

Usually Loki.

"You need somethin'?" Steve asks, catching his gaze.

"No. But usually, when Thor went on breaking sprees, it was because he was upset."

Steve sighs. "I've lost Bucky twice. HYDRA's still here. I went into the ice for seventy years. It didn't change anything."

"The technology's changed."

Steve huffs a sigh. "That isn't what I meant."

"I know," Loki tells him, and promptly decides the silence is beyond awkward. No one on Asgard is good with this except Frigga. He misses her. So badly. "At least the war's the same," Loki says, shuffling closer, "Something's the same. Every fight we take comes with a chance of failing. I couldn't save Thor. And I'm a god. Believe me. I tried."

Steve nodes mutely, sighing. "I know. We both did. And I tried again, but I couldn't... We should be out there chasing HYDRA, but I don't think Bucky's ready for anything right now."

"He needs a break. I think you could use one, too."

"I'm fine."

"You wouldn't be here brooding in lonesomeness if you were fine."

"Thank you for helping Bucky," Steve tells him finally. "After seeing that room where he was being held... it was worse than I thought."

It was. Loki can never forget the white-hot anger he felt when he was down there, when he found him. "They forced him to forget who he was. That's easy to accomplish. But he remembers you. He's still your friend. And he's alive."

"It's just – he's the only family I have now."

"And you're the only one he has. That's not a bad thing." To him, it clearly feels like it is. "And you'll figure it out with each other. At least you have him."

Steve sighs heavily. "Yeah. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't."

"Well, you'd be a lot more miserable, probably." Loki shuffles again, his mind working. Steve is struggling, and there's no way for anyone to help him. It'll just... come with time. "You'll both get better. Just give it some time. And maybe," he needs to add, "Think about something other than fighting for a little while."

"You can, too," Steve tells him. "You helped us all a lot. You're good with people."

Is he? "More than Thor, maybe, but not enough to win Asgard to reason."

"I think it's more than you credit yourself for," he objects. "We found HYDRA thanks to you."

"Thanks. But I don't really belong on Midgard." I don't really belong... anywhere. Loki turns for the door, hesitating again. "I've learned a lot from being here. Humans adapt far faster than Asgardians. I think we could use some more of it there. And at least Earth will always remember you. They remember your sacrifice. Not all others... can say the same."

What it would mean for an Asgardian to lose a life of time, Loki can't imagine. But thankfully, that isn't something he will ever have to concern himself with.

**w**

The longer he stays, the more fond of these mortals Loki grows. He never came here to make friends; he came to find his brother, but somehow, the two happened at once. He can't say he regrets it.

Steve, Bucky, Clint, Natasha, Yelena... Stark, even if he drives everyone absolutely insane sometimes. Midgard isn't a bad place to live until death. The longer Loki's here, the more he realizes the jarring truth of it – he doesn't want to go back to Asgard. He's hiding from responsibilities here, yes, but the people of Asgard don't want him. They have all made that abundantly clear through the years, especially as of late.

Loki doesn't want to go back. He misses Frigga, and the magic and books and thrill of fighting beside his brother, but the longer he's here, the more he realizes he has a far greater chance of fixing what they have left here than they ever would on Asgard.

But Thor is lonely here, and he'll never get to live his life to the fullest. He misses his friends, and it's not fair to keep him here.

Thor is the rightful heir of Asgard. Loki might loathe it, but Thor shouldn't die here.

Loki wouldn't mind, if he's being genuine, but he can't make that choice for Thor.

Which leads him spiraling right back to the start.

Of all the people who could've noticed, it's Bucky who asks him first.

"You okay?" He's slouched on one of the benches in the library, side-eyeing Loki.

"You mortals always talk while reading," Loki grouses, "The Captain does the same thing."

"We are from the 1900s."

"Yes, clearly. I am quite well."

Bucky is too smart for that. Steve probably told him some of what Loki went on about. On hindsight, he was far too blunt for his own liking. He trusts Steve, but weaknesses still aren't something Asgardians are supposed to have. They shouldn't know how he's treated on Asgard. It doesn't matter. It's not like he doesn't deserve it, anyway but the mortals very clearly have different opinions. "Not talking doesn't help. At least it doesn't help me."

Loki sighs. He doesn't know how to talk about it. "Thor belongs on Asgard. And I – despite being their prince – am more welcomed here than I ever have elsewhere. I was never accepted among their ranks, and I know not why."

"Steve was never welcomed here, either," Bucky says finally, after the silence drags on a while. It's late, and this is usually when they should be asleep, but neither of them has moved for the longest of time. They both avoid sleeping. Nightmares, most likely. Loki understands some of what happened with Hydra maybe better than anyone. (He knows what it's like for no one to want him to talk. Enough they stop it by force by – ) "Before the serum. He was small. He never ran from a fight, even if he knew he could never win. He did it because he thought it was right."

Loki laughs. It's fake, bitter. "I am not a hero. I never have been."

"Steve tells me I'm – I'm not what they made me into. I'm not a killer. And I don't wanna be. But I don't know what that means I am."

Loki would have said the same once. About himself. But the death is numb to him now, the knowledge of what he has to do is... "I don't take orders. My kills were mine. And Thor's were his." He doesn't know that. His brother's full compliance is questionable, and he'd tried to tell Odin as much, but...

That went so well.

The silence drags on a while, accompanied with some quiet shifting beside him. "You still love him."

"He's my brother." And in a few decades, I'll never see him again even though we've spent a thousand years together and that's not something any of you could understand, is it?

"I still knew Steve. Even when I – didn't remember. I knew him."

"You're not the one who's about to die."

He's quiet.

Loki wishes he hadn't been so blunt. He keeps talking, anyway. "I can save him. I can stop this. But if I do, I'll never be able to go home. I'll have to – I'll have to fight Odin. I'll be going to war with Asgard. I'll have to fight my people if I want to save Thor."

The ex-assassin looks away, hair falling across his face and mostly hiding it. He doesn't know what to say. No one ever could. There is no answer.

"What does Thor want?" Bucky asks finally.

"It matters little what my brother thinks when he will never trust me again, no matter what it is I do for him. I know if Thor becomes king, he will harm Asgard, the Nine Realms, the cosmos even, but... I don't want him to die."

"I know Steve would have chosen me, but I'm not Thor."

If this was his brother, Loki wouldn't have a question, either. "And I'm not Steve." Maybe what he's holding back for is Odin. Not the damage that could get fall upon the realms, but Odin and his fear of having his magic ripped out again, of being nothing.

But Bucky understands what this feels like better than anyone.

"Thor didn't deserve what happened to him."

"If you have to go, just give us a heads up?"

"Naturally." Loki knows all of them – especially Bucky – are far more at ease with him nearby. Hydra is a laughingstock to him, really. He has fought far worse. But mortals have limited capabilities, and the Avengers are vastly outnumbered here.

He nods and looks away again.

To go on a one-on-one magic fight with Odin is not what he desires, but it is what Thor deserves.

Well, he doesn't deserve the throne, but...

If that's what it means for him to live, Loki is willing to do whatever it takes.

He is going to regret this.

In truth, he is just... afraid. It was his choices that led to Thor being lost, and he doubts he will ever be able to fully comprehend the enormity of how his brother lost full control of his own mind. He's been away from home for a year, was sent to Midgard to die because of Loki.

"There is a chance," he finds himself saying, "That Thor will have me killed."

Bucky's head snaps around to look at him. "You're his brother."

He smiles humorlessly. "I betrayed him. I committed treason. By the law, if Thor believes in following it..."

"That doesn't give him a right to hurt you."

"I deserve it."

"Not to us."

He exhales sharply. "You're too kind."

"Humans say that's good."

"I'm Asgardian."

"If he tries to hurt you, we'll help. Or, Steve will. So will I."

He's not dragging them into a constant battle between himself and his brother, but the offer still warms something lost in him, and warmth burns his eyes. "You are all idiots."

Bucky actually cracks a smile – that's the first time Loki's seen it. It's probably a good thing. "I know," is all he says.

Somehow, Loki thinks that's all he needed to hear, and tomorrow, he'll talk to Thor. Tonight, well, if this is his last night certain to live, he's going to stay here with his friends.

Well, we've finally made it to the end of Price of Freedom. :D There's going to be a sequel that we're planning to start posting next Wednesday, in case anyone wants to check it out. It's finally going to focus more on the Loki-Thor drama that's been missing for a while. :3

Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^

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