The Sixteenth Angel came immediately after the last.
A glowing yellow ring that floated above the forests outside NERV HQ. It spun in circles, not attacking nor raising its AT-Field. The crew felt mixed over this development. On one hand, this was an Angel they could fight on the ground unlike Arael. On the other hand, the previous encounters showed they were capable of surprises.
Even so, they launched the Evangelions to intercept the Angel. No risks could be afforded when humanity's existence on the line. Soon, the Evas arrived topside, ready to confront Armisael head on.
Or rather, Unit 02 and 00 were ready. The cage opened for Unit 01, yet it stayed frozen still.
"Hey idiot!" Asuka's voice came from the comms system. "We need you out here!"
"Asuka, keep focus." Misato interrupted her. The channel was switched to a private one, preventing either Asuka or Ayanami from listening in. "Why aren't you moving? The Angel is right there!"
Shinji barely blinked. He was tired, even as he wrestled the controllers to move, knowing they wouldn't do as he commanded. He already knew this would happen.
"I can't move it, Misato. I can't."
His voice broke, even as his expression didn't change. Misato looked at him in concern.
"Of course you can do it, Shinji. Get the Eva rolling for me please. It's important for you to fight."
He tried to listen to her. He really did, pushing, commanding the Eva, even begging for something, anything in his mind. Nothing he did worked, which only increased Shinji's shame.
"I… I can't… I'm sorry…"
Misato curled her lips. She looked to her left.
"Hold on Shinji. I'll be right back."
She vanished. Shinji almost cried when she did. He didn't, but he was about to. He couldn't stand the silence in the entry plug, not after Leliel. It reminded him far too much of the darkness, the tightness he felt inside of that horrible creature. Fortunately, he only had to wait for a few minutes before Misato came back.
"It's not your fault at all, Shinji. I should have told you something much earlier."
"… what is it?" Shinji said. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Shinji." Dr. Akagi's voice startled him. "Sorry. Misato never explained it to you, but your sync ratio has vastly decreased since you escaped the shadow Angel. You're now below the dead zone. You can't pilot it."
"… what…?"
"We didn't properly test you after the last Angel. We could have caught this sooner if we had. We're sorry."
Shinji looked down.
"It's my fault. I'm sorry."
"No, it's mine." Misato shook her head. "Don't sweat it. This is just a standard operation. We're going to be fine without your help. We'll bring you back down."
They did as they said. Unit 01 was pulled back down, unable to fight the Angel with the others.
Maybe if it could, Unit 01 would have been there to stop the Angel from forcing itself into Unit 00. If he weren't so pathetic, Shinji would have tried to help Ayanami escape her Eva, Or maybe he would have met the same fate as Asuka, her Unit 02 being taken over by that Angel, screaming for dear life as her body transformed. The one-sided slaughter ended once Ayanami took matters into her own hands and detonated Unit 00, taking Armisael down with her.
For the briefest of seconds, Unit 00 turned into a giant white version of Ayanami before it exploded. Few knew its significance, and kept their quiet as the crew were confused by the sight.
By the time the battle was over, Shinji couldn't bring himself to cry as he stepped out of the entry plug. He didn't know Ayanami, hated her even, but the thought of her death left him hollow. He hadn't wanted her dead. He just wanted his father to love him. He barely felt Misato's hand over his own, still staring at the ground.
"There wasn't anything you could have done." She said. "It's not your fault."
But it was. If he had been better, if he had swallowed his pride and not attacked his mother, he could have saved Ayanami, that stupid doll wearing her face, the one who stole his father from him. The one he hurt in his ignorance, any possibility of amends ripped away like everything else.
"I'm sorry."
Shinji said to her, barely above a whisper. Misato held him tighter.
"Take off your plugsuit, then we'll head back to our room. We'll spend time by ourselves."
He did as she instructed, not trusting himself as he let her lead him back to their quarters. There was nothing more for him to do. Shinji knew that as a pilot, he was finished.
He would end his career as he started, useless, cowardly, and weak. As he was and always would be.
Unit 00's destruction was terrible and cruel.
Another one of the Angels bit the dust, but not without maiming one of NERV's pilots. A salvation crew managed to pull Rei's mangled, broken corpse of a body out of the destroyed entry plug. Now, she was safely secured in the NERV hospital, watched over by the Commander and Dr. Akagi to ensure she would receive the best medical help they had on hand.
The Sub-Commander suggested pulling the plug on Rei, to which the Commander said no. Because of that, all efforts were allocated to have Rei breathe for a while longer. It was a horrifying situation to be in, worse than what she went through during the sync test with Unit 01. Most would be paralyzed equal parts praying for her safety and wondering when they'd be next.
In Asuka's grim mindset, all it did was open up an opportunity.
She remembered where Unit 00 went to get the Lance. A shaft on the lower-east side of Tokyo-3, among smaller buildings only intact through stubbornness. It was cloudy today, perhaps weeping for Ayanami much like the others at NERV. Asuka felt the beginnings of raindrops on her plugsuit and knew she had to be quick. She had to make her descent to Terminal Dogma.
She placed the headset above her head. The camera was safely secure over her left eye. A cheap thing, easy to break and difficult to recover data if anyone wanted to retrieve footage from the headset itself.
"I'm turning it on. Are you recording?"
Asuka spoke into the earpiece. After a brief rumble of static, she heard Hyuuga's voice on the other line.
"Affirmative. I'm using a private server to stream at home. Don't think I'm being watched."
"Then just do your job, while I do mine."
Asuka opened a hatch to the side of the launch panel. The hatch was to provide easy access to maintenance crew members. It would suit her purposes just fine. She began to climb down the ladder.
"Are you sure you should be wearing your plugsuit?" Hyuuga asked. "You'll be easily recognized."
"It doesn't leave fingerprints." Asuka explained as if he were a child. "Not like camo gear is going to be much help if I get caught anyway."
"Is it wise to go through there? Why not take the elevator?"
"If I took the elevator, they'd know someone broke in directly. At least through here, they won't have an immediate way to track us."
"Very well."
"Everything my camera records, you save. If I'm found out, you run and get out of dodge."
"You sure about this?"
clank clank clank
Each step on the ladder made echoes throughout the large shaft. An Evangelion is supposed to go through here. Asuka was just a lowly, tiny human in comparison to the behemoths NERV had.
"Does it look like we have a choice?" Asuka said. "I'll talk to you once I get down."
Hyugga didn't respond. Asuka nodded to herself, not thinking too much of it.
According to Kaji's data, there was cameras in place to check if any intruders made it to Terminal Dogma this way. Soldiers were found and shot coming through this way. As such, normally there wouldn't be a way to break through. However, Kaji noted a shortcut, a hole that would take him beneath the floor of an Evangelion prototype. A simple thing to overlook, to which he made no effort to point out to the Commander.
As it would take some time to reach the hole, Asuka began to think. She thought of the women who made her. Really thought of them.
Since she found out about her mother, Asuka was wary of entering Unit 02. It seemed the Eva sensed it too, as Dr. Akagi was quick to inform her of her fluctuating sync ratio. She placed walls around her mind, trying to focus on anything than her mother. Just herself, always herself, never anyone else. Even so, there was only so much to concentrate on when spending hours in an Eva. Eventually, her mind wandered, slipping into a dark oasis…
"… tochter… entschuldigung…"
Asuka opened her eyes. She made a run for it the moment she was let go, trying to ignore the voice and what it meant.
Dr. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryuu. Mama. Dr. Fubuki Shikinami. Mother. Scientists. Sperm Donors. Parents.
"Parents?" She whispered to herself. "What a joke. They didn't do shit for me."
She said as much, but part of her couldn't help but think of them. They weren't around for long, pushing her to be the best, to grow up to be an adult in their eyes. She remembered soft thanks, whispered words of affection, and cold tones calculating the ways she'd grow into a more effective pilot. Arguments blurred in Asuka's mind. Did they fight over her or something else?
If what Shinji told her was true, Yui Ikari entered the Eva knowing she would be absorbed. She was the head of Project E, funded by the Committee. How much were Soryuu or Shikinami aware of NERV's true intentions? Was everyone a whackjob? Were they all acolytes of SEELE? Were they raising her to be their puppet?
They taught her what she needed to, to fight and win, yet compared to the training she received in the military they never pushed her to the extent she broke. But that could just as easily be pragmatism than a concern for her well-being. Did they love her? Did they even care? She never knew and might never know.
Maybe Shikinami loved her. Or the idea of her at any rate. She projected her onto a doll, the same as she did with Soryuu. It left Asuka wondering what was their relationship was for Shikinami to treat their poor facsimiles of them as family.
After a moment, Asuka reached it. The hole leading to the shortcut.
"There."
She climbed onto it, dread building in her stomach.
She had her life stolen from her, just as much as Soryuu had. The latter was trapped inside of Unit 02 by NERV. Asuka was offended for them, but didn't they also rob her of a life? Shouldn't she resent them for it? What should she do?
"Nothing. Maybe it's the nothing that makes me forgive them."
It's useless to hate people who weren't around. Or rather, one was dead and the other was only around as a ghost in the machine. Unit 02, Unit 02, Unit 02. Her precious Eva, if she piloted it well she would receive praise. To think her Mama was inside of that thing and was the only reason she could pilot at all.
Should she destroy Unit 02 to free Soryuu's soul? Of course NERV wouldn't put effort into freeing their hosts. Or if there were, they failed. What is there to do? Would it be more ethical to work on a way to save Soryuu, or to let her go? Why should she even try to save her, when she brought her into a world of misery.
"Because even if she stole my life, she didn't deserve what happened."
Maybe it was as simple as that. Maybe that was all Asuka needed. If her parents were monsters, she would be better than them by freeing their ghosts from pain. Seeing Shinji curl up into a ball of his own misery made Asuka less inclined to torture them. She hated weakness, within herself and others. She hated pain even she had been trained to deal with it.
More than anything, she hated dolls and others being dolls. Shinji may have been content with being Misato's favorite doll, but Asuka refused to be played by anyone. She didn't need anyone.
Soon, Asuka saw a light above her. A pipe leading upward. Good. There would be plenty of time to ponder how to handle Unit 02 later. Her job came first.
Upon climbing the pipe, Asuka was confronted with the smell of death filling her nostrils. It was putrid, too much for her. She pinched her nose.
"Gross… how fucking awful."
She climbed out, first noticing the crimson carcass above her head. Then, she found bones sticking out from the body's ribcage, rotted from time. She walked forward, and she could see bandages covering the creature's face. Asuka was trying to hold it together and she turned the camera on.
"I'm… I'm in. Come in."
"… yeah, I hear you." Hyuuga hitched a breath. "By God. Is this what an Eva looks like?"
"It seems so." Asuka shook her head. "Get everything. They need to see this."
Without the armor, an Eva was uncanny. She was reminded of the encounter with Zeruel, how humanoid it appeared even as it was trying to turn into something else. Perhaps this was what it looked like as it hatched. A grinning psychopath, human but unable to be. It disturbed her to have any relation to a creature like that.
Asuka found another ladder. She climbed it, leaving the hole to find hundreds more bodies lying around the basement. All failed experiments, all dead, all rotting away to be forgotten by time.
"They must have done tests to make these… things…"
How many mothers were sacrificed to make these? Asuka was sickened enough as it was. She kept walking.
"Lots of Evas down here. But no Angel."
"The schematics pull a chamber at the end of the hallway. Head there."
"Alright. Better not get jumped on the way."
She walked past the shallow graves of these ghoulish monsters. Occasionally she would take a peek to gather footage for evidence. It never got any easier, not with their mutilated bodies becoming every increasingly bizarre and horrible.
By the end of her walk, Asuka could sniff not just rotting flesh, but the smell of LCL.
"Maybe this is where the LCL comes from."
She was proven right. At the end, Asuka found herself on a platform floating over orange liquid. LCL, the blood of Angels. Ahead of Asuka, was a white giant hanging from a red purple mask carved with a seven eyes on different sides. Its legs seemed to have been cut off, bubbles forming and popping where they would be. As if it were regenerating.
"… what the fuck…"
What else could she say?
Kaji's notes indicated that Adam was a small fish-like creature when he brought it in. Had it grown to this size in a such short amount of time? Angels are unpredictable, she was almost killed by one that rapid grew in the lava. The mask was not in the notes, nor was NERV ever commissioned to make masks for Angels to wear. What was going on? Was it Adam or Lilith? Asuka couldn't determine information just from staring, so she pondered.
"There has to be some kind of lab. Anything that can help me out here."
"There's a couple of rooms off to the side of the… graveyard. You're going to have to backtrack a few ways though."
She did as instructed, following her way back to where she started. Sure enough, there was a door she hadn't noticed before. Rusted in parts, but shouldn't break from opening. Presumably this was an important area the Commander or someone else used.
"This'll take take me where I need to go?"
"I don't know if it's a lab. Maybe it is. This is the only place it could be."
Agreeing with his logic. Asuka opened the door.
"… A room?"
A dirty room that was for sure. The bed was a mess of sheets and crumbs attached. Garbage bags collected in their own little corner, a stove and dining table in another, seats prepped for guests that hardly ever seemed to come. Did the Japanese not know the meaning of the word neatness? Misato was cleaner than whoever slept here!
There was also an uncomfortably awful stench, one Asuka was plenty familiar with from her own experiences.
"Ugh. Why does it smell like semen? Who would want to fuck in here, actually?"
"Maybe the Commander has trysts here? I can't think of anyone who would agree to him though."
"Shut up."
The Commander was probably a degenerate. Yeah, maybe getting a few rounds with the doctor or the Sub-Commander, they looked like the type to spread their legs for anyone. Someone should have washed those bedsheets immediately.
Asuka saw another door. She opened that one, heading inside.
"Now let's see what's in here… wait no, camera can't pick up anything if I can't see shit."
The room was dark. There was a console right in the middle, in front of an empty tube. Even in the black, Asuka could hear the sound of bubbles and water. They reminded her of an aquarium.
"What do they have in here, fish?" She moved her hand to the wall. "I'm going to turn the lights on."
Her hand found a switch, flipping it.
She had to keep herself from screaming.
"Mein Gott… oh my, what the fuck is this, fuck, WHAT THE FUCK?! MEIN GOTT!"
It was Rei. And Rei. And Rei.
Along the sides, past the glass were a number of Reis, all naked and giggling like little school girls. Soulless. Like Dolls. Empty vessels without a thought in their brains. Asuka balled her hands into fists, stifling her fear and rage.
"What the… FUCK am I looking at!?"
Hyuuga made a noise that sounded like retching. Asuka couldn't blame him.
"There has to be some information on this. There has to!"
Off to the side were a set of computers. Asuka pounced on the chance she was given, swiftly turning them on.
They had a surprising ease of access. Maybe no one expected intruders to enter here? Or maybe there was a more recent computer usage that they just forgot to lock up? Or was this a trap? Asuka looked around in concern. She then decided to try not to push her luck any further and focused on what she came for.
It took time, owing to how much she had to sort through. Even with Hyuuga guiding her through the system, Asuka had to wait for god knows how long before she came across anything on Adam.
Sure enough, the files on Adam detailed how his remains were discovered in Antartica, how the Evas were made from him, and attempts to clone his soul were abject failures… save for one. The files on the subject were redacted much to her surprise.
Deciding to ignore this for now, Asuka focused on the most recent dates, which first showed how Kaji had safely delivered Adam to NERV once they arrived in Tokyo-3, and an operation was made to implant him into the Sub-Commander's hand.
"So that's why she carries gloves! You're getting this, right?"
"I am. The one on the cross has to be Lilith."
"Checking to see… yeah, confirmed it."
Lilith had been found on an island where the area surrounding her had mutated the wild life beyond anything seen on Earth. Once taken into custody, Lilith's legs were sliced for study, parts of which were used to make Unit 01.
"Is that why Unit 01 was different from the rest?"
Aside from a willing test subject? Everything about Unit 01 was tailored to serve a greater destiny, even down to its pilot. Shinji didn't steal anything from her, he was a glorified nepo-baby trapped in his role by his parents. A thought that did little to make Asuka feel better.
Lilith was also used in experiments for the human soul. Rei Ayanami was created to house Yui's soul if she returned, but the results instead caused Lilith's soul to split into pieces. Rei I had one, while Rei II had another. Unit 00 had Rei I trapped inside, and now with it destroyed…
"They're probably trying to merge them together…" Asuka put a hand over her mouth in shock. "She's a clone of Shinji's mom… and they kept here… here…"
She remembered the stench of semen. She then tried to forget it at once, fighting the urge to vomit.
"The Commander is sick… SICK, SICK SICK! TELL ME, DID YOU GET ALL THIS!?"
"I am, one hundred percent. I'm getting everything as fast as I-"
He was suddenly cut off. Asuka worried when she heard a door banging on the other end.
"Nerd?"
"Section-2 is right outside my house! They're asking about my suspicious data actvity. It's just a few guys, but I don't think I can hold them off for long."
Damn it. There was so much more they needed to uncover. However, their main objective was complete.
"Go. Run as fast as you can." Asuka tapped buttons on the console. "Don't get caught."
One by one, the Reis began to disintegrate. They continued to giggle as they died, screaming into nothing. They were nothing but plastic dolls as they perished in the tanks. At this, an alarm was triggered.
"They're being called away. Asuka, what did you do!?"
"I tripped an alarm. Use the distraction to get out!"
Asuka took the earpiece and crushed it. She needed to buy time for Hyuuga, and more importantly, she needed to ensure NERV wouldn't be able to access his computer from her end. She ran out of the rooms, throwing the headset down to the hole, paying special attention to ensure they were safely crushed.
She deliberately took the elevator, not having to waste time as Section-2 found her just outside.
She wasn't going to die, not yet. She was a pilot and they needed her to fight the last Angel since neither of her fellow pilots were available.
But Asuka wasn't an idiot. Her days were numbered. Even if she lived, there was no way she was going to come out of this unscathed.
"She did what?!"
…
"Well, I don't know! I haven't seen her, I've just been with Shinji these days."
…
"Fine. I'll see her first thing in the morning. Bye."
Misato shut the phone off. She put it on the counter, as her other hand scratched Shinji's hair.
A bath was supposed to wash the worries down the drain. Misato thought Shinji would feel better taking one with her, but he still sat there, shocked out of his mind. She rubbed shampoo over his hair, pressed against his smooth naked back. Misato recalled having a phone call with Ritsuko over the Third Child's situation over the bath. She looked back on that with bitterness.
'I was worried about not being able to take care of him. Now, I don't have a choice but to do it.'
Misato never considered him useless, and would never even dream of tossing him aside. He needed her more than ever. She wanted to take care of him. As much as she enjoyed the opportunity to do so, it hurt so much the way he didn't say anything, nor looked at her. He was entirely too pale and thin, having only eaten the bare minimum to survive but Ayanami's death made it worse.
He refused to make dinner nor eat it. Misato had to order food that took too long to deliver, and he didn't eat anything. The silence was deafening, it hurt so much the way he retreated into himself. So much like the Fourth Angel where he stayed in his room, except he was there. He was rejecting her, except when she was offering something he wanted.
She washed his body, then held him close to her.
"Wanna go another round, Shinji? Let's do it over the toilet so we won't have much to clean up."
"…"
He turned his head toward her. The brief hope died as he placed lips to her chest, sucking on her nipple. Misato let out a moan.
"This is all I can do for you, hm?"
It was the latest in a long line. He was in shock, desperate for comfort. As his guardian and lover, she had to provide that comfort for him. However, it left her wanting, undervalued. Shinji refused to do anything with her that wasn't sexual. Was this really all that would get his attention? What was going on through his head?
"There, there… just follow my lead…"
She swallowed her frustrations as she raised him out of the bath. The water splashed along the floor, as she put her hand on his cock and rubbed it.
"You know I love you." Misato whispered into his ear. "You love me too. I can never hate you. But I want you to come back to me whenever you can. I miss you so much, Shinji. I wish you were mine again, instead of wondering off somewhere else…"
As they finished their business, Misato realized that even if Shinji hadn't listened she wouldn't have minded. To take care of him like this, she wanted it as much as she resented it.
Because without him. Misato felt so pathetic, so weak. He was the only one she can save right now, after all that happened and what she had done. But even so, she wished for his mind to return.
'Hurry up, Shinji. Please… don't leave me…'
Author's Notes:
Won't lie, not too crazy about this chapter. It gets the job done I suppose, but I'm more excited for next time, because we're finally going to get Kaworu! He's the character I've been most looking forward to writing since I began the fic.
No deep thoughts, so I want to make recommendations for fics. Recently on Ao3 I discovered Drowning By Numbers by quicksilver (edennightshift), and read it. It's a spectacular slow burn MisaShin fic, taking place in an AU after Kaworu's death, where the JSSDF attack never happened and life went on. Taking place over several years, we see snapshots of Shinji and Misato's lives as they become closer, with the latest chapter being almost spicy. It's not finished yet, but it's two chapters away from doing so. Another one I found is Family by Volterian, which has Shinji be adopted by Misato and Kaji, with Ryoji Jr involved. Only has two chapters and GOD I can't wait to see how that goes down. Check them out when you can!
Reviews:
QUICKM33MZ2005: Three parts:
1) There was a hint of Gendo/Rei back in A Little Mall Adventure, but with how little I focused on them you're forgiven for not remembering. I felt if I touched on it to any extent before now, it would have hurt the creeping sense of dread I wanted to build for the narrative. But as a trade off, it meant that relationship couldn't be too fleshed out before. Your questions will be addressed, I assure you.
2) I left Yui's behavior up to interpretation but in my head Gendo was an unexpected wrench in her life. Yui was raised by SEELE which led to her own conclusions about life, but Gendo made her question herself just enough to start a family with him. However, even if SEELE hadn't cornered her, Yui's convictions were too strong. Neither Gendo nor Mary were enough to make her stay, her plan had to go through. For my money, Yui only truly resented her husband when she learned of Rei's existence and by extension his abandonment of their son, uncritical of her own role in causing the chain of harm. Just my interpretation though.
3) I see Mary as resembling Mari's adult form from the end of Thrice but with greying hair and wrinkles around her cheeks and eyes. She didn't strike me as someone who'd try too hard to hide her age as she got older.
Voltter: Ironically, Gendo pushed Shinji away because he thought he would hurt him more by keeping him close. Bro was messed up even before making a clone of his wife.