Fragile as Glass

Chapter 8

Otabek woke to unfamiliar surroundings, and it took him a moment to remember where he was and why he was there. When he did, he groaned at rolled over, wishing he was still asleep. He was absolutely not ready to face the day or what it would bring. He had a lot to think about in the coming days, but all he could do was lay in bed and wish he didn't ever have to think about anything ever again.

No such luck, however, and he soon heard noises coming from down the hall and he realized Yuuri or Victor must be making breakfast. His stomach growled, and the thought of food is what motivated him to get out of bed and shuffle out of the room and to the bathroom next door. He brushed his teeth and relieved his full bladder, then went to the kitchen. He was greeted with the smell of bacon.

Yuuri greeted him from over by the stove while Makka ran over to greet him. "Ohaiyogozaimasu, Otabek. Sleep well?"

Otabek decided to practice his Japanese that he had been working on so hard over the last month. "Hai. Arigatogozaimasu."

"Yoku Yatta. Renshu shitemasu ka?" It took a moment, but Otabek was able to get it after a bit of a pause. Yuuri was telling him good job and asked if he had been practicing.

"Hai. I'm still learning, though. I have a lot of work to do. I barely know the basics. I'm kind of getting to where I can understand simple things, though." Otabek found a seat at the table in the kitchen to watch Yuuri cook.

"Well, you have to start somewhere. It's more than I expected after only a month. I honestly didn't think you'd understand my last sentence, so well done. I can help you learn if you'd like." Yuuri plated the bacon and eggs and brought the two plates to the table, ordering Makka over to her bed. Victor must have already left for the rink.

"I'd like that. Thank you." Otabek picked up his fork, graciously given him by Yuuri instead of chopsticks today, and dug into his breakfast, enjoying the western style meal. Yuri had been into trying traditional Japanese breakfasts lately, so he hadn't had a western breakfast in a while. It was nice. "By the way. Thank you for last night. I was a wreck and I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

Yuuri shook his head and swallowed quickly. "Don't worry about that at all. I'm glad you came here. Are you feeling better this morning?"

Otabek nodded. "I think everything seems so much less severe in daylight. I'm still angry and upset, but I'm not devastated anymore."

"Sleep helps, too." Yuuri said, then lifted another forkful of eggs to his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before continuing. "You said you're still angry, and that's understandable. I know you probably want to go speak to Yurio as soon as possible, but you should wait until the anger passes at least. Sad is okay, anger is not."

"I know. It's going to take me a few days to get there though."

"I told Yurio the same thing. He'll wait, but like I said last night, you shouldn't wait too long. Give it a few days, then go to him." Yuuri gave him a stern look and Otabek nodded his agreement. They finished their breakfast, and Yuuri told him he needed to get to the rink. He offered to go get Otabek's skates from Yuri's house if he didn't want to go himself. Yuri was confirmed to be at the rink, so Otabek declined and decided to go himself. He needed a few things if he was going to stay here for a few days.

After they cleaned up from breakfast, they both left the house, Yuuri and Makka in the direction of Ice Castle, and Otabek in the direction of his own apartment. When Otabek got there, he made quick work of going to his room and packing a bag with his skating things, his laptop, and a few more articles of clothing he had neglected the day before. He gave Potya some love as she weaved her way between his legs as he walked.

He made sure to not stay too long, not wanting to run into Yuri just yet. He returned to Yuuri and Victor's house to change into his practice gear, then took a roundabout way to the rink. Yuri was already gone when he arrived, so he changed his shoes for skates then bent to pat Makka on the head as he passed her. He threw himself into practice, not wanting to think too hard about how hard he had tried to avoid Yuri just now. It was only a few weeks ago that he would have given anything to see Yuri, even in passing. It made him ache to realize how that had changed. He could only hope it wouldn't stay that way.

After a hard practice, Otabek stepped off the ice, sweating and breathing hard. He still had off-ice conditioning today, but he had a lunch break first. Yuuri invited him out for sushi, his treat. Otabek could never say no to sushi, especially when his new friend was offering to pay for it. He protested, of course. It fell on deaf ears, so he went along with it. Victor stayed at the rink for Minami's ice time.

Before he knew it, Otabek was falling back into Yuuri and Victor's guest bed, exhausted from the day's activities he had eagerly thrown himself into in order to avoid thinking about Yuri. As he lay in bed, he realized how stupid that sounded. Yuri had avoided a conversation by doing the exact same thing, which was what caused this whole debacle in the first place. So, he sat back up, ignoring his creaking bones, to get out of bed and retrieve his laptop. He needed music. Music would always help him.

He returned to bed with his laptop in hand. He settled down against the headrest, placed his headphones over his ears, and spent the next hour pouring his thoughts into music, creating playlists, and starting a new remix.

When Otabek woke up the next morning he could hear music. He looked around and saw his headphones lying close by. His laptop was still open, playing the playlist he had made on repeat. He didn't remember falling asleep, and he had slept in a weird position, curled up by the pillows. When he moved his head, his neck twinged, and he groaned. If there was one thing he hated, it was a kinked neck.

He reached out to turn off his music and closed his laptop, then stood up to stretch. His neck twinged again, and he reached up to rub at the spot. Besides the hurt neck, he felt better than he had the last few weeks. The music session had done wonders for his mental state.

Otabek shuffled from the room and noticed how quiet the house was before remembering that it was Sunday. Everyone's day off. Including his own. He went to the kitchen to find something quick to eat and some pain meds for his neck, and after eating a protein bar and taking some ibuprofen, he went to change into something he could run in. He walked to the front door quietly but heard claws clicking along behind him. He turned to see Makka standing not far behind him with her leash in her mouth and her tail wagging. He decided to take her for his run, unable to resist the look she was giving him. He slipped his running shoes on, clipped on Makka's leash, texted Yuuri to let him know where Makka was, and snuck quietly out of the house, hoping he hadn't woken up Yuuri or Victor.

Being outdoors helped clear his mind almost as much as music, and he chose a familiar path to take him to the beach close by. When they got there, Otabek took off Makka's leash and let her run around, sniffing everything and chasing birds. Makka always made him want a dog. She was well behaved, cute, fun, and she loved to go running with whoever would take her. In the last month she had become soothing to him. She always seemed to know when he needed her presence no matter where they were.

He ran along the beach and threw a stick for her when she brought one to him. As he ran and threw sticks for Makka, he pondered what he would say to Yuri when it came time to talk to him. He came up blank. His friendship with Yuri had seemed so immoveable over the last year, and he had hoped he would never have to question it. Now, as he found himself questioning it, he was at a loss.

He had been so excited to move to Japan to live with Yuri, even if they only remained friends. He had wanted to get to know Yuri even better. To know all his quirks and habits. He wanted to learn from him and hoped to teach him just as much. He still had hope that those things would happen, but it had been fading more and more over the last few weeks.

He ached when he thought about Yuri right now, and right now, he still felt anger rise in his chest at the thought of Yuri. Yuri ignoring him, making excuses, running away from him. Originally, he hadn't been angry when he thought about Yuri denying him the conversation he had been so desperate to have those first few days in Japan. But now, thinking about Yuri's cold stare, telling him to get used to it, to drop it, made his blood boil.

Otabek grit his teeth. He took the stick that Makka had just dropped at his feet and hurled it as hard as he could into the cold water. Makka took two steps into the water and stopped. She came back out of the cold water and sat on her haunches, watching the stick float just offshore. And now Otabek felt bad. He called Makka, and she trotted over to him like he had done nothing wrong. He didn't deserve this dog's love, but she wagged her tail and sat as close to him as she could after he took a seat on the sand.

Otabek curled his cold fingers into her thick fur and rested his forehead in the fur on her neck. He could hear her panting over his shoulder. Otabek's emotions ran wild in him. Guilt for throwing the stick into the water, love for this dog and her unconditional love, anger at Yuri, but also at himself, and the start of what he could only describe as forgiveness. He wondered how many other people had sat on this beach, perhaps in this very spot, and let the beach and the sound of seagulls heal them the way they were healing him now.

Feeling marginally better, Otabek took a deep breath and stood up, brushing the sand from his joggers. He replaced Makka's leash and the pair of them ran back to Victor and Yuuri's house. Before they went inside, Otabek spotted the leftover sand on Makka's legs and paws. He tried to brush it off but failed rather spectacularly. He opened the door, hoping that someone else was awake that could bring him a towel.

He found Yuuri halfway through slipping his shoes on and they blinked at each other. "Oh. Otabek. How was your run? Did Makka behave?"

"It was good. Makka was perfect. But her paws are covered in sand. Could you get a towel or something I could wipe them off with?" Otabek held tight to Makka's collar as she tried to jump on Yuuri.

"Of course." He slipped his shoe back off and disappeared around the corner. He came back with a towel and helped wrangle Makka into letting them wipe her paws. They were all covered in sand by the time they had finished with only two paws. Victor came around the corner at the sound of the struggle and laughed at them. Yuuri gave him a stern glare, and Victor scolded Makka in Russian. She immediately sat down and let them finish wiping her paws.

"How do you do that?" Otabek asked, panting as he sat down on the step inside after releasing Makka back into the house.

"She learned all her commands in Russian, so if you speak to her in Russian, she understands it. You should have known that Yuuri."

"Yeah, but I barely speak Russian. You should know that, Victor." Yuuri sat down next to Otabek and resumed putting his shoes on.

"Yes, but Otabek speaks Russian." Victor stated and Yuuri looked like he wanted to strangle Victor at that moment.

Otabek pursed his lips and watched them have a staring contest. He didn't dare say anything, but he certainly didn't think this was something worth fighting over, and both seemed on the verge of exploding at any moment. He wondered if there was something else bothering them, but it wasn't his business, so he said nothing, put his shoes away, and went to take a shower.

When he returned, dressed in casual clothing and ready for the day, he found Victor in the kitchen, scowling at the soapy water in the sink. "You alright?" Otabek asked when Victor didn't even notice Otabek approaching.

Victor was startled and looked like he had seen a ghost. He sighed and shoved his hands in the soapy water, pulling out a washcloth. He went to wipe down the stovetop, and Otabek, thinking he wouldn't be getting an answer, walked away towards the living room.

Before he left the room he heard, "Do you think I'm too strict with Yuuri?"

Otabek turned back. Victor had stopped cleaning the stove and was running a finger through the suds left behind by the washcloth. "I've never really seen you two interact much as coach and skater, so I don't really know. Why do you ask?"

"He's angry with me. I know he gains weight easily, so I've always been strict with what he's allowed to eat. Is that wrong of me?" Victor was clearly worried about this, so Otabek came back to stand next to him.

"I don't think so. It's normal for a coach to create diet plans for their skaters, but I also think it's a little different for you two, because he's your fiancé, not just your student. The first I ever heard about this was actually from Yuuri. My first day here he took me to Yutopia Katsuki, and his mother sent us home with katsudon. He mentioned that he probably wouldn't even get to eat it. That you would end up eating all of it while he ended up with rice and broccoli. At the time he said he didn't mind it so much, but it struck me as a little odd that you would eat his favorite food right in front of him while he ate something boring. Is that what happens?"

Victor nodded slowly but didn't answer or look over at Otabek. "I don't think that's very fair. It would be different if he was just your student, but he's your partner, too. I think in this situation, there needs to be rules, because he's still competing, so a diet plan is strictly necessary. However, out of respect for your partner, when you give him a rule, maybe don't flaunt it in his face by doing the exact opposite of what he's supposed to be doing. Either let him have a cheat meal once in a while, or neither of you should be having katsudon. You definitely shouldn't be eating it in front of him. It probably just makes him sad. And angry, apparently."

Victor nodded again, thanked Otabek, and went back to cleaning. Seeing it as a dismissal, Otabek walked away and sat on the couch in the living room with his phone. He played a game until it rang, and he answered the video call quickly. His three youngest siblings were on the other end, fighting over who got to talk to him first.

"Hey, hey. Hold on a second." Otabek tried to break them up. If he were there, he would have physically separated them, but he couldn't do that from almost 4000 miles away. "You can all talk to me. Hey, don't crush Amina, Ruslan. She's a lot smaller than you." Then the camera was facing the ceiling, and he could hear the argument, but couldn't see it. He huffed, wishing he was there to stop it. Then he heard the tell-tale sound of his anam's scolding voice and he sighed in relief.

The phone was picked up by Anam, and she greeted him with a friendly smile. "Here, now none of you get to talk to him first, because I'm going to." The sound of complaining came from three young voices, but Anam ignored them all. "How's my good boy? Inzhu told me you were having a bad couple of days. Are you alright?"

Otabek hoped to God his sister didn't out him before he could do it himself. He minimized the call with the purpose of texting his sister.

Otabek: What did you tell Anam?

While he waited for a response from Inzhu, he replied to Anam. "I'm alright. I'm staying with Victor and Yuuri Katsuki for a few days, but everything's going to be fine. Yuri and I had a bit of a disagreement, but we'll get through it."

"Oh, my boy. Living with a friend can be hard. What was the argument about?" Anam cooed at him. Before Otabek responded, he saw Inzhu's reply pop up at the top of his screen.

Inzhu: Just that you had a fight with Yuri and that you had a bad day. I promise I didn't out you.

Otabek felt relief swell through him. He really needed to come out to his parents so he could stop worrying about this. "I'm not really in the mood to talk about it. It just makes me angry. Can we talk about something else?"

"Okay. How's training? Is Victor doing what he said he would do?"

"I've told you so many times, he's an amazing coach. I've improved significantly since moving here. Didn't you see my NHK score? No, I know you did, because you called to congratulate me when it was over."

"I just worry about my adventurous son, you know that." Anam turned to scold the kids when there was a new wave of complaints coming through. "Well, I'll let you talk to the kids. They're dying to talk to you. But let me know how everything goes with Yuri. I just want you to be happy, and I know you're happier with him than without, so do what you need to do to make things right. I know you'll figure it out."

Otabek swallowed thickly. "Thanks, Anam." His mom was right, of course. The last two days had been miserable, but not only that, he wasn't sure he would be able to go back to a time when Yuri wasn't his friend. Yuri had changed him, helped him grow as a person. He needed to make things right.

Otabek listened to the kids tell him all about their little adventures, and he smiled indulgently at them. He loved them, but his heart wasn't fully in it today. His mind wandered to Yuri, and how Yuri had wanted to meet his family, and how much he had said he loved listening to Otabek talk about his family. Yuri had his flaws, yes, but he was an amazing person. He listened to Otabek, laughed with him, joked with him, and let him rant when needed. He had always been there for Otabek. The last few weeks had been rough, but it wasn't enough to erase all the good Yuri had done for him.

Otabek felt the last of the anger melt away as he listened to the kids talk about the stray cat they found yesterday and how they wanted to keep it, but Ake was being stubborn. In place of anger, melancholy took its place, and a longing for what he knew their relationship should be and had been before. He wanted to talk to Yuri, to tell him everything like they used to, to go back to sending each other memes and random thoughts throughout the day. He wanted to fix things.

The call with his family ended, and Otabek stayed in his place on the couch, thinking about the good days with Yuri. He thought about how easily they had become friends in Barcelona, and how quickly their relationship blossomed from friends to best friends, to a hint of maybe something more to come. He thought about the late-night calls and daily texts. He thought about the time Otabek visited Yuri in Russia last season before worlds. He dwelled on the days in America after not seeing Yuri for so long. His excited hugs where he literally threw himself into Otabek's arms, and Yuri's excited yells when he told Yuri he would be moving to Japan. He remembered the little stuffed tiger that Yuri still carried around and Otabek knew he was remembering his best friend giving him exactly what he needed as he cried on his shoulder.

Suddenly, Otabek felt a tissue wiping away tears he hadn't even realized were there. He looked up at Yuuri's kind but worried expression. "Are you alright?"

Otabek felt his lip start to wobble and bit it to try to contain it. He took a few deep breaths and said, "I miss him. I miss him so much."

"Are you still angry with him?" Yuuri asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch so that the two of them were basically hip to hip.

Otabek shook his head. "No. Just sad to think of what we could have lost. I just hope we haven't completely messed this up."

"I don't think you have." Yuuri pulled him into a hug, and Otabek melted into it. He gave good hugs, too. "Are you ready to talk to him?"

Otabek pulled away from Yuuri and nodded, determined. "I'm ready."