A/N: Wanted to get something out, so here's a few little bits and pieces. I'm sorry I know I've completely messed up with Naya and Devi's – in another chapter I implied their first time drinking was Devi's 18th birthday, and then in the rp Naya said she had been drunk and this happened before they were parabatai. So… yeah, please just look past all of that. I blame jetlag when I was overseas hahaha.
Not 100% happy with how these all turned out, but wanted to get it posted regardless.
Also the last part is an AU that I've been wanting to write since my trip, and here I am finally getting around to it! Perhaps more politically charged than you would prefer to be reading about at the moment, so sorry for that bad timing in advance.
~~ Naya and Devi ~~
Naya had no idea what the time was. All she knew was that it was beyond late, and she'd had way too much to drink. Still, she didn't mind in the moment, shifting to rest her head against Devi's shoulder, getting comfortable on the couch. She'd discovered a secret stash of alcohol that her parents had hidden away in the manor house, so of course she'd invited Devi over to try it out with her. It tasted awful, but still, it was kind of fun to indulge in it and have the night off more serious things. Devi being the cautious one had urged her to slow down, and she had eventually, but by then it was a little late. Still, there was little trouble she could get herself in when she was planning on staying inside, and besides, he was there with her, right?
"Do you remember that time I wagged training and we pretended we were both sick?" Naya asked with a chuckle. "Agnes was annoyed, but there wasn't much she could do." She took her training seriously most of the time, so it was rare for her to do such a thing, but sometimes even she needed a break. At least Devi sometimes joined her for her training, so it wasn't always so bad.
She could feel Devi try to contain a laugh. "She was extra hard on us after that. I don't know if it was worth it."
"She's always like that anyway," Naya replied with a wrinkle of her nose. "That's likely why she's unmarried."
"She takes her job very… seriously," Devi acknowledged, and she could tell he was trying to keep still for her. It wasn't like he had to try so hard, but she appreciated it all the same.
"Too seriously, sometimes," Naya grinned, thinking back to some of the other times they'd challenged her. Her parents had likely sent her thinking that she'd keep her in line. Like she was a dog that needed to be kept on a tight leash. If only they could see her now. Sometimes, a little rebellion against them was a tempting thought.
She could feel when Devi inhaled and exhaled, finding it strangely soothing. Everything felt too warm and her thoughts too fuzzy, but his presence was always a familiar one. "You can't blame me tomorrow if you have a hangover," he said with a slight groan, obviously guessing he would have one as well.
"I won't blame you," she assured him. "It was worth it, anyway."
"Hopefully," he replied, although he still sounded a little doubtful. "I think I'm more scared of your parents blaming me than you, anyway."
"Mmm, well they won't know," she said, closing her eyes for a short moment. It was hard to think properly, and it was tempting to drift off, but that wouldn't exactly be fun for him. Instead, she forced her eyes open again. "I'm excited for our parabatai ceremony," she said with a smile, even if he wouldn't be able to see it. "I know you're probably nervous and all but-…"
"I'm fine," Devi protested, before giving a small sigh. "I mean I'm a bit nervous, but that's normal. It's a big thing. I just don't want to stuff anything up. There's a lot involved and all."
He was rambling a bit in his nervousness, which she found endearing. Slowly, she sat up again, looking over at him. His hair was a little ruffled, and she reached over to fix some of the strands. "You won't stuff anything up. And don't forget, I'll be right there beside you the whole time. You won't be alone… like ever again. You'll probably get sick of having me in your head or whatever."
"I know," he replied simply, before giving her a sidelong smile. "I won't get sick of you. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want that. You know you're like the most important person to me."
Her cheeks grew even warmer at his words. Didn't he know that she felt the same? "You're just saying that because you've had too much to drink."
"I'm not," he protested with a brief frown. "I mean it. It has… nothing to do with the drinks."
"Yeah well, we'll see if you're still saying that tomorrow when you're nursing your hangover." It was easier to brush it off for some reason, although she still stared at him. His own cheeks were a little flushed from the alcohol, his gaze roaming over the room, as if a little embarrassed.
She was close, so close to him and she leaned closer still, just slightly. Somehow, all she could do was stare at his lips. It would have been so easy to fully close the gap and kiss him. There was a voice in her head that urged her to. They'd always worked together so well, so how could this be any different? What if it felt amazing? The temptation was there, and she almost moved closer. But she finally snapped out of it, abruptly pulling back and rising to her feet, quickly sobering as her heart hammered in her chest. What was she thinking? They were about to become parabatai and he'd never shown that kind of interest in her. If he had been interested at all, it wasn't like he would have asked her to be parabatai in the first place, knowing the rules. It was clear that he only saw her as a friend and nothing more.
If she'd gone through with it, would she have ruined their friendship? Would he have been disgusted by her? Have pulled away quickly and never wanted to speak with her again? The thought was too awful to bear, and she swallowed back bile. It was the alcohol's fault, she reminded herself. It wasn't like she normally had such strange urges.
He was staring up at her, puzzled by her reaction. "… Naya?"
"You should go," she said, drawing her jumper over her shoulders and avoiding his gaze. Best that he left before she did anything she couldn't take back and ruined everything.
He rose to his feet, his own expression quickly sobering at her tone. "Did I… say something wrong? I'm sorry…"
"It's just best if you go. I'm tired," she said as an excuse, although she'd never asked him to leave because of that before. It was more normal for him to stay over while they both slept it off.
"Okay…" He gave her another look, partly worried and partly confused. She could sense his nerves, knowing him well enough to guess that he was likely going over everything in his head to work out what he'd done wrong. "I'll go, then. I'll um… see you soon?"
"Yeah, soon," was all she managed, turning away. Better that he went with whatever conclusions he'd thought up, than him finding out the truth.
The silence was thick as he paused for a moment, before he finally moved to leave. She waited until she heard the front door close after he slipped out, before she let out a breath. What was wrong with her? It was Devi of all people. He wasn't even her normal type. She'd been reckless before, but not like this. This could have been a friendship-ruining, life-ruining kind of mistake.
Slumping back down against the cushions, she let out a long groan, covering her face with her hands. Now he'd be worrying about it all night – and likely days afterwards – she knew. That thought only made her feel worse and she wished she could go back to the fuzziness from earlier. At least then she wouldn't be left simmering in her own guilt.
~~ Steff ~~
Sitting at her desk, Steff jotted down a few ideas in her notebook, her handwriting carefully crafted, as she'd always sought to be a neat writer. Of course, when writing a whole book, it was not practical to handwrite it all, and she'd conceded to buying a laptop for typing up and editing drafts. However, she still liked to take notes and make her plans with her hand, finding it somehow felt more real and tangible if she wrote it down herself.
Her latest plan to write a story about a romance between a Shadowhunter and a Faerie was an ambitious one. She'd never written a romance before, and it was a nerve-wracking thing, knowing the judgement it would receive, if it was ever published. While she'd read too many romance novels to count, writing one yourself was another thing. Still, she was glad that she was making the attempt to – even if it turned out badly or if the Clave refused to publish it, at least she would know that she'd tried. Better to have tried, than to have never attempted it at all.
Of course, writing about a faerie from the Land Under the Hill was another tricky part – it wasn't exactly the easiest topic or background to research, and she appreciated the fact that Luca was going to try and help arrange something. Even if it didn't work out, she'd be grateful all the same.
Jotting down a few more notes, she bit her lip lightly to hide a smile. Luca had been an unexpected surprise, still finding it hard to process how quickly everything had changed. It was certainly helpful that she had now properly experienced other parts that a romance entailed, knowing that it would have been harder to write about certain topics without it – not that she knew how much detail she would go into, yet. But she had never been kissed quite like that before, or felt desired and wanted in that kind of way. She liked that he was unafraid to state what he wanted, finding it helped to allay her own nervousness on what to do, or whether she was wanted. It made her flush just thinking of it, and she averted her gaze to stare out the window for a moment, as if that would somehow help her cool down. It was certainly not something she'd regretted – even if it had not been what she'd originally imagined for her first time – and she had certainly experienced much that she could ever have imagined before. She never knew one could reach such a climax.
Realising she was getting off-topic again, she took a sip of her water, trying to collect her thoughts. It was a funny time in her life to be writing a romance book, certainly. But perhaps that was what simultaneously made it the perfect timing.
Prague, Czechoslovakia, 1987
It was still dark when Kellan returned home, the sun yet to rise. The darkness only added to the dreary feel of winter, as the days were shorter than ever. Kellan suppressed a shiver, pulling the zip of his uniform jacket up higher until it reached his chin, as he climbed up the stairs of the panelák, the concrete apartment compound they called home. Most of the city's population lived in such places in close quarters, as they had little choice otherwise. Reaching his level, he was carefully quiet as he opened the door and slipped inside, locking it behind him.
The door was closed to his brother, Zach's, room, and he passed by it, not wanting to wake him as he stopped at his sister's room. The door was open, and he leaned against the doorframe for a moment, finding Grace was fast asleep. She looked so peaceful when she slept – a contrast to how she often was when she was awake - and he inhaled slowly, hating that he had to curb her rebellious nature as much as he did. It was only natural for kids her age, after all. If they lived somewhere else perhaps, then she could have been as rebellious as she wanted, and it wouldn't have mattered. He would have welcomed it, even, because that's who she was. But life there was different, and he couldn't afford for her to get into that kind of trouble.
Keeping his steps quiet, he moved to draw another blanket over her, careful not to wake her. She was of course old enough to do that herself now, but he still couldn't help it. Sometimes he felt more like her father than her brother. Their father had long ago been imprisoned and taken away to a labor camp, for siding against the communist party in favour of a democratic one, so Kellan had taken the role of looking after his siblings seriously. Perhaps he was a poor substitute for their father, but he was all they had. He never let his thoughts linger too long on his father – he knew it was likely that he hadn't survived. They all knew that those who went never returned – they were usually sent to uranium mines with no protective equipment.
After a moment, Kellan moved back to the hallway, softly closing her door behind him as he started towards his own room. This time, he leaned against his own doorway, his gaze seeking out a familiar figure on the bed. He could just see Ethos's dark beige hair peeking out from above the sheets, knowing he was asleep from his even breathing. Kellan did not know what he would have done without him – Ethos was like the calm in the midst of the storm of his life.
It was tempting to go over to him, but he pushed down the urge, not wanting to wake him, and knowing he needed to get himself cleaned up. Heading into the bathroom, he was quick to shed his uniform, finding it still felt wrong and restrictive, even after so many years of wearing it. Stepping into the shower, he exhaled slowly as he let the hot water run over him. Having hot water was a luxury – there was constant shortages of everything, including coal. He could remember one winter when coal ran out in January in the whole country. It had been -20oC in the night with no heating, and he'd been scared they might freeze to death. They'd all slept in the kitchen with an open electric stove, piled together with blankets and quilts as they sought to keep as warm as they could.
Finishing off his shower, Kellan dried his hair and got dressed into some more comfortable clothes. He was past tired, feeling like everything was catching up to him. Forgoing food in preference of sleep and warmth, he slipped under the covers, laying on his side as he faced Ethos. He was surprised to find that Ethos was looking back at him, his gaze soft in his sleepiness, his long eyelashes lowered.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Kellan whispered, meeting his gaze. They were used to whispered conversations by now – not only at night when they didn't want to wake his siblings, but also in general. One never knew when a neighbour might be listening in, ready to report on everything they'd said.
"You needn't worry about that," Ethos assured him as always, reaching to touch his arm lightly. His gaze searched Kellan's expression, as if looking for something. "Is everything okay?"
Kellan knew what he was asking – it had become a ritual of sorts. He swallowed, before nodding. "… Yeah. No one tried to escape tonight," he said, simply.
"I'm glad," Ethos replied, and he managed a small smile, if only to reassure him, although it was gone a moment later.
Kellan hadn't had a choice in his job. He'd always been a natural at sports, and he'd been selected to be trained up as one of the guards. Each night when he was on duty, he was tasked with guarding the borderline to make sure no one tried to escape. If anyone did attempt it, he was expected to shoot them. Luckily no one had attempted it when he'd been on duty as yet, but it was something he had worried about over and over – he did not want to harm anyone, but if he didn't, then he would be imprisoned and sent off as well. His family would be left without him. It was the kind of moral dilemma that left him with little sleep.
"How was your day?" Kellan asked to shift the topic away from it, knowing that it had been Ethos's day off.
"I got some more supplies," Ethos replied, fixing some strands of hair that had fallen out of place. Kellan knew it was likely dismal options, so he didn't ask. There was no fruit in the winter except really bad apples, and no vegetables except for carrots and onions. "And some more toilet paper – although they are rationing it out, one per person at the moment."
"Thanks for doing that," Kellan replied, and he meant it. He knew that Ethos had likely been queueing for it for most of the day. "At least we'll have something to eat. I'll have to be creative and think of something other than stew or soup for dinner for a change."
"I can cook tomorrow night-…" Ethos offered, but Kellan was quick to cut him off.
"No, you'll be tired after work. I'll do it," Kellan said quickly, knowing how intensive his work could be.
Ethos was smart and could have been a skilled diplomat – as he had trained for in his home country – but since getting a post overseas and deciding to stay in Prague, he'd been assigned to agricultural duties and occasionally some manual labour jobs. It was a sad thing, when he had talents lying elsewhere, but that was something he had given up to stay. Kellan couldn't be more grateful that he had stayed, even if he'd tried to convince him to leave at the time. Giving up everything was never something he would ask someone to do, but Ethos had stayed for him regardless. Thankfully they were allowed to live together – attraction between the same sex was not prohibited, even if it was not widely acknowledged. Words could not quite express how much Ethos meant to him, and really, he didn't know what he'd do without him.
They laid in a comfortable silence for a while, Kellan curling into him, and Ethos's arms were steady around him. Still, he could not get to sleep, his darker thoughts catching up to him. Before he knew it, his cheeks grew wet as tears fell against them, and he felt Ethos's arms tighten around him, Kellan nestling even further into him. Sometimes, it was all too much to bear, and his thoughts could not be controlled as they went to every little thing.
He cried about his father. About all the things his family had lost. About the fact that Grace wouldn't be able to study further after school - even if she was the smartest in her grade - simply because of their family's status. That Zach had always been tied down to his manual labour job and had never been able to travel. At the fact that his moral compass meant nothing to them - that if he doesn't forsake it, he would likely be sent to jail, his family lost to him. He cried about the fact that Ethos was chained to the same reality as him, forced to give up everything to do so.
He cried until there were no tears left, and his sobs had finally subsided. Ethos had stayed quiet throughout it, but his gestures were as comforting and understanding as ever. He moved one of his hands to run gently through Kellan's hair, brushing some red curls back from his face. "You know I'm here for you, Kellan," he said quietly, softly. "If you ever need anything, you only have to ask."
Kellan swallowed when his throat grew dry, shifting his head so that his words wouldn't be as muffled. Still, his voice was shaky and emotional, knowing that trying to hold out against the wave of emotion was futile. "I-… I know it's not fair of me to ask, but if anything ever happens to me, will you look after Zach and Grace for me?"
"You know that I will," Ethos assured him after a moment. "They are my family too, now."
Kellan bit his lip, before giving a small nod. "I know. I don't know how I can ever repay you…"
"There is no need." Ethos's words were firm and understanding. "I would do this for you and much more, if I could."
"So would I." Kellan closed his eyes, and he grasped at Ethos's shirt as if afraid to lose him, letting his warmth wash over him. He loved him more than he could ever know – more than he could ever express.
They did not live in a place where one could deem anything as their own, but Ethos was the only thing that he dared to hold onto.