Harley was having a cup of coffee in the break room at Arkham when one of her colleagues burst in. "They've got him!" he exclaimed. "They've got the Joker!"
She nearly dropped the mug in shock as everyone raced out of the break room, and she quickly followed them. A crowd had already gathered in the foyer of the asylum as the doors were pulled open, and the Joker was dragged inside. Everyone stared at him as he laughed, smiling and waving at them like a celebrity arriving at a movie premiere. He winked at Harley as she gazed at him in astonishment, and then a slow smile spread across her face.
"I want him isolated so he doesn't unsettle the other inmates," Dr. Leland was saying as the police handed him over to the orderlies. "Make sure he has his own cell far away from everyone else."
The orderlies nodded, dragging the Joker into the cell block. "Uh…Joan, have you decided who will get to analyze him yet?" asked Harley, as she followed Dr. Leland back to her office.
"You make it sound like it's going to be a treat, rather than something nobody wants to do," retorted Dr. Leland.
"Well, I wouldn't mind," said Harley. "Since I was helping build a profile of him with Professor Crane, I feel like I've got kinda a head start."
Dr. Leland looked at her. "Harley, this guy is a hardcore psychotic," she retorted. "I'm not trying to insult you, but you are one of our newer doctors, and I think he would best be handled by someone a little more experienced…"
"Please, Joan," she interrupted. "I've been looking for a more challenging patient, and he could be just the thing. I promise, if he becomes too much for me to handle, I'll let you know, and you can transfer him over to someone more experienced. But I really, really want this chance to prove myself."
Dr. Leland sighed heavily. "All right, if you're sure," she said. "But please be careful around him, Harley. There's no telling what a man like that will do."
"I'll be careful, I swear," she replied. "Thank you, Joan. You won't regret this."
Well, maybe Dr. Leland would, thought Harley, as she left her office. But Harley definitely wouldn't.
She headed into the cell block. "Please escort the Joker to my office," she said. "I'd like to get started on him right away."
The guards obeyed, unlocking the door and accompanying the Joker under heavy guard to her office. "Would you like him restrained?" asked the guard, as they forced the Joker into a chair.
"Thank you, that won't be necessary," she said. "You can leave us."
The guards obeyed, shutting the door behind them. "Well, this is a nice surprise," she said with a smile. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"
"Like you just said, it's a nice surprise," he retorted with a grin. "I didn't want to spoil it."
"Such a thoughtful man," she murmured, coming over to him. "How was the party?" she asked, pulling out a hairpin and fiddling with his handcuffs until they clicked open.
"It was a blast!" he chuckled. "It made quite an impression on Batsy, you could tell. But then I suppose anyone would be impressed at finding the heads of all the remaining Families bleeding to death. It was a poetic end for all of them – I shot Buzz in the stomach and let him bleed out, Chuckie got a permanent smile carved onto his face, and Falcone was robbed of his sense of taste, along with his tongue."
"Nice and inventive," she agreed. "I hope it was as much fun as stabbing Sal to death."
"Well, I hope it has a similar effect on you," he murmured with a grin.
In response, she seized his face and shoved her mouth onto his, pressing him down on the therapy couch.
"Much more comfortable than the diner floor," he commented, as they lay naked together on the couch a little while later.
"Oh, do you like comfortable?" she asked. "Could have fooled me. Otherwise why would you get yourself arrested like this? Your hideout wasn't heated, but at least there was a nice, soft bed where we could be together. Now you have to settle for a cramped cell and a therapy couch."
"But I'm with you," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. "We can be together all the time."
"All the time?" she repeated with a grin as she stood up, reaching for her clothes. "How many sessions a day do you think I'll be allowed to have with you?"
"How many can you take?" he chuckled, sitting up and grabbing his own clothes from where they had been thrown. She giggled, putting her hair up and then reaching into her jacket for a packet of cigarettes. She put one to her lips and lit it, and then handed it to Joker, who took a long puff while she headed over to her desk to grab her notepad.
"I need to make some notes so I can at least pretend we were having therapy, rather than something else," she said, sitting down next to him on the couch. "What should I write about you?"
"The truth," he retorted, taking another puff from the cigarette and then putting it back in her mouth.
"You want me to get fired like that?" she asked with a grin. "For writing down that I had sex with a patient in explicit detail? I admit it would be hot, but I don't see the benefit in that."
"The truth doesn't always have to be obvious, my little shrink," he said, smiling at her. "You'd think you of all people would know that. How's this? The Joker shows no remorse for his actions," he said, kissing her neck. "Every interaction indicates that he is a violent, passionate, calculating man who likes to inflict pain and dominance."
"Mmm, he does," she agreed. "We reviewed his actions in depth. Hearing all the details of his horrendous crimes seemed to excite him."
"You more than me, but that's a fair assessment," he chuckled, as he kissed down her throat. "Keep going."
"I have never met someone who thinks and acts like him before," she murmured. "He has completely abnormal desires and urges, indicative of a sick and deranged mind."
"I'll own sick, but what's deranged about it?" he chuckled.
"Well, what's your plan now that you're here?" she murmured, puffing out a cloud of smoke. "You want us to stay together in this asylum, secretive and furtive, so we don't get caught, when all I want to do is shout from the rooftops that you're mine."
"Oh, baby, I'm not a secretive and furtive guy!" he chuckled. "Write that down – the Joker is very open and proud of his skills and talents."
"As well you should be," she murmured with a grin, passing him the cigarette back. "Everything indicates that he possesses incredible physical and mental stamina."
"This is all part of the joke, don't you see, Harley?" he asked, taking a drag on the cigarette. "The next step in our little game. The board has been set, and the pieces are moving on their merry way toward the end."
"And what end is that?" she asked.
He grinned. "The Joker is, however, a man of mystery in some respects," he murmured, kissing her. "He doesn't think it's fun to reveal his plans in their entirety before they're implemented. In his own words, there's no joke if you can see the punchline coming."
"His secrets do mean I will need intensive, regular therapy with him, multiple times a day," Harley wrote. "I feel only this kind of close, intimate work with him will induce him to open up and reveal himself to me. Though honestly, I don't know what more you could reveal," she added, kissing him. "I just know I'd like it, whatever it is."
"Even if it was dark and disturbed?" he chuckled.
"Especially then," she added with a grin.
"Then you should look forward to what's coming," he said, grinning back. "We're going to have so much fun, my little Harley Quinn. And soon enough, everyone is going to know you're mine. But until it's time to give the punchline, we gotta keep the joke going, ok?"
"If the joke involves more sessions like this, I'm more than happy to do that," she replied.
"It's all part of the joke," he agreed. "Comedy is about the unexpected, and who would ever expect that a gal like you, a young, innocent-looking professional, and a guy like me, a disfigured homicidal maniac, would be in cahoots? Nobody will ever see the gag coming, and it's gonna be a doozy."