"Casey?!", Ashleigh's eyes go wide as I walk into our room. "Where the hell have you been and why haven't you been answering your phone?"
"I…", I sigh then. "It's a long story, I had to go to the KT house and then-"
"So you told Cappie?!", She cuts me off, perking up and sitting up straight in her bed
"No", I shake my head. "Nothing like that… it had to do with Rusty. I'll… tell you later. I just kind of want to lay down right now".
I sigh then and pull off my shoes, wanting to get this uncomfortable outfit off as soon as possible.
"Okay well I'm pretty sure Evan was looking for you too", Ash says.
"Yeah, I know", I groan. "I just couldn't deal with it tonight Ash. I'll check my phone now".
I sit down on my bed and pull out my phone to see Ash's messages and missed calls to me. But weirdly I don't see any from Evan. But I do see some from someone who hadn't popped up on my phone in… forever.
3 Missed Calls and Texts from Cappie, my phone reads.
My face goes blank then, a little shocked.
"What is it? Did Evan text you?", Ash notices my expression.
"No actually… he didn't text or call… at all", I shrug.
"Aw I'm sorry", She frowns.
"Yeah it's… it's okay", I shrug. "We're both busy. I'm just going to get into my pajamas Ash".
I give her a smile and then grab some sweat shorts and a pink ZBZ tank from my drawer and she turns away, focusing on her phone, while I change. I'm unable to stop the slight smile that takes over my face. I was surprised that he'd texted and called me. Really surprised.
Once I'm dressed in my tank top and shorts I get into my bed. It was already past midnight, almost 1am.
"Well goodnight Case! Try not to worry too much. Everything will work out", Ash tries to comfort me.
I look over to her, laying on my side underneath my covers as Ash reaches forward to turn off the lamp between our beds.
"Easy for you to say Ash", I sigh. "You don't have something growing in you every day, only getting worse and worse".
I groan then.
"I know but we'll figure it out, I promise. And you still need to sleep", Ash gives me a smile and I nod.
"Okay, you're… right. Goodnight!", I give her one last smile and then turn over onto my other side.
When I know that she's asleep I pull my cellphone out, curiosity getting the best of me. I open Cappie's texts then, reading them.
The first one reads:
Cappie: Hey I know we don't really do this, text I mean. But I know you were upset when you left and I just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything I did or said. If it was I'm sorry.
I open the second one then:
Cappie: Hey so you're not answering. Which is… totally fine. But I know you and I know that you don't cry over nothing so… I don't know. Maybe you could just let me know that you're okay. Really any form of communication works for me. Text, call, carrier pigeon, via satellite, psychic passing of thoughts… Anyways that's it. Bye.
I can't help the way my lips turn into a smile then, smirking as I imagine him typing those texts out.
Was I a terrible person not to reply? Maybe I should?
I will in the morning, I think to myself. If he's asleep I don't want to wake him up.
I scoff to myself then though. Cappie, asleep on a Friday night? That's pretty much impossible.
Still… I didn't know if I could handle a conversation with him right now, even if it was just by text.
So instead I power my phone down and put it on my bedside table, tossing and turning, trying to sleep.
A whole hour later and I'm still awake, laying in my bed crying softly alone to myself. My sobs are the only noise that fill the quiet room, that and Ash's slight snoring. But I hear more noises then, grabbing my attention. A consistent noise. I sit up in my bed then, wiping away the tears on my cheeks and getting up to investigate.
Ash could literally sleep like the dead, so she's fast asleep.
I get up to realize somethings being pelted at our window.
"What the-?", I speak quietly to myself in confusion, going to the window to look out.
I see Cappie, still dressed in the same clothes as earlier tonight, on the ZBZ lawn throwing small stones at our window.
I roll my eyes and then open the window, using all my strength to crank it open.
"What the hell are you doing?", I shout down to him and cross my arms across my chest.
"Jeez, it sure took you long enough, I was about to run out of rocks", He shouts back and I can see the mischievous grin on his face even from far away. "You wouldn't answer my messages or calls".
"Hmm I wonder why", I say sarcastically. "Oh maybe it's because I didn't want to!"
I'm aware I'm acting bitchy, but I'm just in a bad place right now and I didn't really need Cappie pulling whatever stunt this was on top of it. Although… I couldn't lie, I was a little happy he was here. It was 2:30am and I'd been crying for about an hour all alone, everyone else in the house asleep.
At least he was here and checking on me.
I look down at him to see him staring blankly, his face void of a smirk now. He turns to leave but everything in me is telling me to stop him.
"Cap wait! I'm sorry", I say down to him now. "Just… give me a second, I'll come down".
"Okay", he nods.
I grab my pink hoodie and my purse from the chair in our room and some slip on shoes and then quietly slip out, trying not to wake Ash.
I walk down the stairs slowly, making my way out the front door, shutting it as slowly and as quietly as I can.
I see him waiting for me on the lawn then as I walk towards him.
"Hey", is all he says. He looks serious though, like he's not here to joke around with me for once.
"Hi", I say softly and then sigh. "What are you doing here?"
"Are you crying?", He comes closer to me, ignoring my question, probably able to see my face with the dim light of the streetlights.
"None of your business", I cross my arms, speaking matter of fact.
We weren't friends. We were exes. And people who occasionally were attracted to each other even if we didn't want to be. He didn't have to comfort me when I'm crying. Even if the tears are because I'm pregnant with his baby.
"Okay well…", He takes a deep breath in then. "I realized you were crying when you left the KT house earlier, you know, after we talked. And I didn't know if you were just emotional or… I don't know Case".
He sighs then, his eyes rolling back for a moment as if saying this is hard for him.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Thats why I called and texted. And then… came over here", He explains.
"Well… thanks Cap but um… it's not anything you can help with anyways", I look down at my shoes then, not wanting to make eye contact with him right now because if I did he might be able to sense that something was really wrong and that that something involved him.
"Well I could try", he says quietly with a shrug.
"No, this is pretty much…. unfixable, undoable", I feel another tear fall down my face then. "I really messed up Cap".
We really messed up is what I really want to say.
"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think", he tries to offer up.
"It is. It really is", I can't help but let out a sob then.
"Is this about Evan cheating on you? Because if it is just… screw him, he doesn't deserve you anyways. He never did", Cappie speaks passionately then.
"And you do?", I let out then, still a little angry with him for all of this. Even though I know I shouldn't be.
"No… I guess...", he rolls his eyes then and sighs. "I guess I'm just saying you deserve better than someone who cheats on you Case. I'm not saying that person is me. I just… still care about you and don't want to see you get hurt by him".
"Well it's a little too late for that", I let out. "But anyway, that's not why I'm crying".
"Well why are you crying?", he looks confused.
"I told you, you can't help me with it so… I should just go back inside", I shake my head and then go to turn around. "Thanks for checking on me".
I feel his hand on my arm then, turning me back around to him gently.
"Try me, maybe I can be more help than you think", he says assertively. "I don't… I don't want to leave you here crying like this".
I look into his eyes then and can tell he really means it, can see the genuineness in his expression.
"You can't handle it Cap", I say plainly.
He rolls his eyes again, looking annoyed with me.
"Will you please just tell me?", He groans.
"Fine you really wanna know?!", I'm kind of annoyed now, putting my hands on my hips. "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant! There! Happy?"
I cover my mouth then, not having been thinking when I said it, and hoping no one heard me.
"Wait…", His eyes go big then. "What?"
"See, I told you", I shake my head at him and then turn to go back up to the door.
"No Case, wait!", He stops me again, this time putting both his hands on me and spinning me back around. "Is… is it…?"
He can't even say the words so I fill in the blanks for him.
"Yes it's yours", I let out a deep breath I've been holding in then look down to avoid his eyes for a second before coming back up to meet his. "I haven't slept with Evan since… since May when we left campus for the summer. And then we got back here and he immediately cheated on me so…"
I scoff to myself then as I shake my head and then put my hands over my face.
"I can get a DNA test if it'd make you feel better but… it's… it's yours. Trust me, I don't want this… this thing tying us together either", I give him a look as he looks at me in shock but then the shock turns to hurt, and maybe even anger.
"Yeah I get it Case", He looks a bit mad now. "You'd much rather reproduce with a Chambers and not an idiotic frat boy. Message received".
He turns around then and I half think he's going to walk away and leave me here, but he doesn't move, he just puts his hands over his face then and lets out a cross between a groan and a sigh.
"That's not… that's not what I meant Cap", I say. "I just meant that… Evan's my boyfriend and you're not so… having a baby with you is pretty insane, isn't it?"
He turns around to look at me then.
"Well this whole thing is kind of insane yeah… but we hooked up so", He shrugs then and puts his hand on his temple. "Do you know for sure? Like you took a test?"
"Cap I took like 12 tests and not a single one was negative", I sigh. "I'm pretty sure this is real. I'm… gonna call and make an appointment at the women's clinic though. Just to make sure".
"Okay well… I'll take you", he nods.
"Cappie…", I let out a slight groan.
"What?", he looks annoyed with my tone.
"You don't have to do that", I assert.
"Well why not?"
"Because! Because we're not together!", I throw up my arms then. "Because you don't want this!"
"How do you know I don't want this?", He crosses his arms.
"Because I still know you pretty well and I know that this is the last thing in the world you'd ever want to deal with! That's why… I wasn't going to tell you until I knew for sure if I was gonna have… it", I sigh, the word 'it' feeling weird.
"Oh…", he nods then, I think the thought of me having an abortion entering his mind. "Well are you leaning either way or…?"
He looks to me then and I open my mouth but nothing comes out at first. Because the truth was I had no goddamn idea.
"I…. I don't know", I shake my head then. "What… what do you think?"
I wasn't going to even ask him for his opinion, but I decide to, tentatively. Not like I thought it should influence my choice… but the truth was it did. If I was being honest.
"Uh…", He thinks to himself then and purses his lips before shaking his head. "I don't know, I'm still kind of wrapping my head around this. But I think… you're the girl and it's you whose going to have to have it so…"
"Oh great so you get me pregnant and it's just all my responsibility then?", I speak snidely and cross my arms over my chest. "Nice to know".
"Casey", He groans then. "C'mon, you know that's not what I'm saying! I'd be there for you, don't you know that?"
"Why the hell would I know that?", I rebuttal, throwing my hands in the air.
"Well you should know I wouldn't do that to you!", He returns the annoyance that's in my voice too. "I wouldn't leave you to deal with it alone!"
I stop in my tracks at his words, my eyes meeting his blue ones, I could even see how blue they were even in the darkness.
We just stare at each other for a moment then, I think both of us high on emotions.
"Look, we shouldn't fight", Cappie says finally with a sigh. "This is… serious and it's gonna require you and me to… work together. Even if I'm the last person you ever expected to do this with".
"Okay… you're right Cap", I speak softer then, nodding at him, not able to help the comfort I feel in him using the word 'together'.
"So if that night was… about 3 weeks ago…", he looks like he's doing the math in his head. "You're 3 weeks pregnant then?"
"No Cap", I roll my eyes. "I'd be more like 5 or 6 weeks".
He gives me a quizzical look then.
"I know you probably didn't pay much attention in health class, but they measure how many weeks pregnant you are from when your last period was… and mine was August 8th when I was still back in Chicago. We had sex those 3 times the night of August 20th. And today is… the 16th of September so… I'm 8 days late on my period", I explain.
"Oh okay", He nods, taking in my words.
"I should've tested earlier since I'm usually regular like clockwork but… I thought maybe I was late because of the stress from the whole Evan thing… and I didn't want to think I could be pregnant because I didn't think there was any chance in hell. But obviously there is", I scoff then, like I'm mocking myself for being so stupid. "I can't believe how stupid I am".
"You're not stupid", Cappie says immediately with a shake of his head, trying to comfort me.
"Yes I am! I had sex with you multiple times literally the exact day that I was ovulating! I should've known better than that", I put my head in my hands again. "It's just my luck".
"Well… how did you get pregnant? I thought you on the pill? I guess I should've asked, I just assumed since... you were when we dated", Cappie looks at me a little confused then.
"I am now but…. after Evan cheated I stopped taking it for a few days between when I found out he was cheating and when you and me... did what we did. Because… I told myself I wasn't going to take him back and that I wouldn't need to be on the pill if I broke up with him", I move my hands to tuck my hair behind my ears as I roll my eyes back. "So I didn't take all my pills that week. Did we not use a condom, I thought we did?"
"We definitely did the first time… but then things got hazy I guess… and I thought you were on the pill. And then we ended up in the closet because you were being really loud and you didn't want any of the guys to hear you and-", He looks off, recounting that crazy night.
"I was there, I don't need a recap", I cut him off, not really in the mood to talk about the way we'd touched each other in that closet like we had been deprived of touching each other for years. Which… I guess was kind of an accurate statement for us.
"Yeah", Cappie shakes his head like he's scolding himself. "Sorry".
I sigh then, I think the two of us still having no idea in the slightest how to navigate this.
"I still… think about that night a lot", Cappie speaks up then, looking down at me softly, speaking like it's dangerous, like he wasn't sure whether to admit that or not.
"Of course you do", I scoff with a shake of my head. "I'm sure you keep a mental picture of all the girls you've had in your bed".
"C'mon Case", He shakes his head in annoyance now. "You know full well it's not like that. It's because… it's because it was you, you know that. After not being with you for so long and then spending hours and hours-"
I put up my finger then, cutting him off.
"I was only like that that night because I was hurt and felt… weak because Evan walked all over me. Not to mention I hadn't had sex in a few months because me and Evan were long distance so that's why I was like that…", I say matter of fact, trying to justify my ravenous behaviour that night.
But what I don't say is that a good part of that night was just fuelled by the fact that there was something in me that only he could bring out. Something I hadn't felt in forever and as soon as he walked into Lite N Easy and we started taking again, started our back and forth banter, I felt that electricity again. That chemistry I'd felt from the moment I'd met him 2 years ago now.
And when we'd gone back to his place and he'd snuck me upstairs… I remembered how good things were between us. How sex was never ever the problem, it was actually the one thing between us that was always right. And once we'd started, it felt so good that I didn't want to stop.
"Okay", Cappie nods with a shrug, and this conversation has truly been the longest he's stayed serious with me probably… ever. "Well whatever the reason, it's happened now… I guess I just thought your birth control would work and I thought I pulled out in time. I'm... really sorry Case".
"Well it's not just your fault", I say then, giving him a sympathetic look. As much as I had been mad at Cappie, I knew that it was something we did together. "I'm the one that initiated things that night and I was fully conscious and there too the whole time. I just… have no idea what the hell to do now".
"Well it's really late but do you want to come back to the KT house with me to talk about it?", He offers, eyes serious, his expression soft.
He definitely couldn't come in ZBZ. I couldn't be caught dead with him at 2am, not to mention boys weren't allowed upstairs.
"Um….", I think to myself then.
"Unless you just wanna get some sleep, we could talk later?", He shrugs.
"No, no. That actually… sounds good. I haven't been able to sleep anyways because I've been freaking out so much so…", I say with a sad shrug.
"Okay", Cappie nods then, and I can see a faint smile on his lips.
I start to walk down the driveway, him following me as we walk down a deserted Greek Row lit only by the flickering streetlights.
We don't say anything to each other, mostly because I don't think we know what the hell to say. But it's not an awkward silence. Even if me and Cap weren't exactly best friends, we were comfortable enough with each other that it would take a lot for something to actually be awkward between us.
"I uh…", Cappie interrupts my thoughts then, finally filling the silence. "I also wanted to apologize for earlier with Rusty. You were right… I was wrong. I kind of forgot how important first times can be for people, and you reminded me of that. I'm glad you showed up, even though… Rusty decided not to go through with it himself".
Cappie shrugs then as he looks over to me as we walk.
"Yeah well, Rusty has pretty good judgement", I nod. "Even if he is your little brother, I'm pretty sure he's not gonna turn out to be a complete man whore like you Cap".
I laugh to myself then as I shake my head, looking over at him to see his smirking reaction to my teasing.
"Well, I like him the way he is", Cappie gives me a shrug as he smiles slightly. "And… I didn't say it tonight because I was just kind of taken aback by you talking about our first time together. But I also wanted you to know that it was special for me too. Even though it wasn't my first time. I'm happy that you… don't regret yours being with me. Because I honest to god have spent this whole time thinking that you did".
He looks at me seriously then and I stop walking, just looking at him, surprised by his act of vulnerability.
He stops then too, taking my cue.
"What?", He scoffs as he shrugs. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No", I shake my head. "I just… I don't want you to think that Cap. Sure things didn't work out but… you made my first time really good. I mean not that the sex was great or anything".
We both laugh then.
"Because it hurt and I was scared and… it was new. But I would do it over again the same way", I shrug then. "Because you and me cared about each other".
I think about my earlier conversation with Rusty then as Cappie looks down at me, his features softening as his lips turn into a slight smile.
"I felt… safe. And I trusted you", I add and then start to walk again.
Cappie stands still for a moment, giving me a confused look as he catches up to me.
"Trusted? Past tense?", He questions me.
We're in front of the KT house now and I turn to look at him, unsure what to say.
"No… present tense too I guess", I speak quietly as I shrug and then avoid his eyes for a moment. "Wanna go in? It's kinda cold out here at night".
"Yeah, of course, let's go", Cappie nods and walks in front of me to unlock the door, opening it for me to let me go in first and then he follows behind me, closing it.
There's no real reason to be super quiet here because when we walk into the house there's a few KTs still sitting on the couch drinking, and a few passed out on the floor.
"Oh hey Cap", Beaver sees us walk over to the stairs, hun sitting on the couch nursing a beer bottle in his lap. "And… Cappie's ZBZ lady friend".
"Crap", I grab onto Cap's arm. "I didn't think anyone would see me here".
I look up at him worriedly.
"Arrowhead, Beaver!", Cap gets their attention as they look over to him. "Casey was never here, alright? You got it? That's presidential orders".
He looks at them seriously and they nod up and down diligently.
"Sure, just like she wasn't here rush night", Beaver grins suggestively, giving us a wink, probably thinking we're going upstairs to hookup again.
"It's not like that", I give Beaver a look.
"Don't worry, my lips are sealed", he continues to grin and I roll my eyes.
"Thanks guys", Cappie gives them a nod then and looks to me, gesturing to the stairs. "After you".
I take his cue and start to walk up the stairs to get to his room.
"Don't worry Case, I'm sure they'll probably be so drunk they won't even remember you were here come morning", He tries to ease my worries.
"Okay", I sigh as we reach his room and he opens the door. "I mean… them seeing me with you is kind of the least of my worries anyways. My relationship with Evan is already basically in the toilet".
I groan then and look over to see Cappie smirking slightly and I glare at him.
"You don't have to look so happy about it!", I scold him. "But fine Cap".
I put my hands on my hips then as Cappie closes the door behind us so we have privacy alone here in his room.
"You found a way to break us up without even trying, congrats!", I speak sarcastically, giving him a snide look.
"Hey I'm not gonna apologize for not wanting you to be with that guy. He's a tool Case. I don't know what you see in him", Cappie glares at me.
"Well I happen to like nice guys", I narrow my eyes at him.
"Nice guys who cheat on you?", Cappie raises an eyebrow in a rebuttal, getting closer to my face as he gives me a look and there's not much I can do to defend myself. I mean… he's sort of right.
I feel my heart pound at our level of closeness right now, at the fact that if he or I leaned forward even slightly we'd meet each others lips.
I move away with a shake of my head then, trying to stop the tension between us.
"Let's just talk about what we came here to talk about", I throw my head back in annoyance and then go to sit down on the edge of his bed.
"Right, the baby", Cappie nods, looking serious.
"Don't call it that", I shake my head.
Cappie scoffs then, looking at me like I'm crazy.
"Well what do you want me to call it?", He gives me a look. "An alien?"
He comes to sit down beside me on the bed then. I can't help think about what we did last time we were on this bed.
"No I just… I don't want to associate it with a baby", I sigh. "Because it's… it's not, it's just a cluster of yours and my cells right now".
I'm gesturing down to my flat stomach as I speak.
"Okay", Cappie nods then. "Sorry I know you don't want to think of it as an actual baby if we don't keep it".
I can't help but notice he uses the word 'we' instead of 'you'.
"Exactly", I nod.
"So when did you find out?"
"Just earlier today", I explain.
"Oh really?", he seems surprised by that. "I'm actually… kind of shocked that you told me so quickly".
"Well I definitely wasn't planning on it", I tell him. "You kind of badgered it out of me".
"Well I'm glad I did", He looks serious. "I'm happy I know and now we can deal with it together. Because if I know you… you'd keep it a secret for as long as possible. Does anyone else know? I'm assuming Chambers doesn't, otherwise I'd probably have had a visit from him to bash my head in by now".
I scoff at that because he's one hundred percent right. Even if Evan really had no leg to stand on.
"Only Ash knows", I say. "She knocked on the door while I was taking the tests so…"
I shrug then.
"I really don't want to tell the sorority. I'd probably get kicked out… But if I go through with this pregnancy then I'll eventually start to show and they'll notice that I'm not just gaining a bit of weight", I sigh.
He gives me a frown then.
"I'm sorry Case".
"It's different for you. Fraternities are way more relaxed, especially yours. And you don't have to have your body changing and showing the… evidence. No one would even know you're the dad and you could just go on like usual", I roll my eyes then, thinking about how much worse girls have it than guys.
"Go on like usual?", He looks at me like I'm insane. "Case there's no way in hell I'm going on like usual if you and me go through with this and are gonna have a kid together. It'll majorly affect me too. Maybe not as much as you because you're the one that'll be pregnant but…."
He trails off then.
"You're right, I know", I nod then. I'm trying not to be a total bitch to him right now but it was hard. I was upset and am having basically the worst possible thing I could've dreamed of happen to me.
We sit in silence for a moment before I speak up again.
"It would be the end of May probably", I say.
"What?", He looks confused.
"If I have the baby it'll be born at the end of May", I make myself more clear. "So if I have it I could probably finish out the year. But I still have another year of college to go so…"
I sigh then.
"Well if you want to have it we can still find some way for you to finish. I can drop out", Cappie shrugs like it's no big deal.
I look at him then, my features twisting into a quizzical look.
"You'd drop out?", I laugh then.
"Yeah why is that so crazy?", he shrugs. "You're the one that seems to like school way better anyway. Anyone can see you're the one with ambition… and I don't want what we did to be the thing that takes it all away from you. I'd feel… guilty as hell".
I look at him softly then.
"Well… that's sort of why I'm wondering about just not having it", I say, feeling a little sad to bring it up, but I know we both knew it was a viable option. The option most people in our situation would go to.
"Is that what you want?", His eyes meet mine.
I think about it for a moment.
"No", I shake my head and then breathe out. "But I don't really want any of this. I don't want to get an abortion, I don't want to do an adoption, but I also don't really want a baby either. So I'm stuck".
I look down, feeling tears spring back to my eyes then as I try to look away from Cappie.
"Hey", his voice sounds soft, sincere and sweet, and I know that my efforts to keep my crying under wraps have failed me. "It's gonna be okay".
"No it's not Cap!", I say, throwing my hands up as sobs start to wrack my body.
"Case…", He looks at me like he doesn't know what to do exactly. "Can I… would it be okay if I hugged you?"
I meet his eyes then as I raise my eyebrow a bit, but then I wipe some of my tears away with the sleeve of my hoodie and give him a slow nod. Unsure, but deep down wanting him to hug me.
He nods then and pulls me into a hug, running his hand up and down my back comfortingly and the action immediately takes me back to that night during rush. His hands running up and down my back, against my bare skin, as I straddled him. Me moving methodically back and forth with him deep within me, him leaning his body back against his headboard watching me lose control on top of him.
I'm so lost in thought that when I finally snap out of my thoughts about the other night I realize that I'm literally still hugging him. This hug was going on for a really long time but Cappie wasn't pulling away.
"Thanks Cap, I'm… I'll be fine", I say and then pull away from him, feeling his hands make their way off my body and I can't help the way I feel let down at that. As much as I didn't want to, I liked them there.
"You will be, don't worry", He nods, trying to assure me.
"Maybe uh… maybe we should make a pros and cons list?", I suggest. "Not like I'll make a concrete decision tonight but… I'm going to have to decide soon".
"Yeah a pros and cons list sounds good", he nods. "Sounds like something you'd do".
I give him a glare then as I cross my arms.
"Because you're so organized and… methodical", he shrugs. "And… a little type A".
"Hey!", I argue.
"It's not a bad thing", he laughs.
"Whatever, do you have any paper?"
Cap looks around his room then.
"Forget it, I should remember who I'm talking to", I narrow my eyes at him and then pull out a notebook and pen I keep in my purse.
As I'm taking the notebook out, a couple of my pregnancy tests I'd forgotten I'd hidden in there fall out with it.
"Oh crap, I'd meant to throw these away", I sigh. "I hid them in here so no one back at the house would find them".
Cappie picks one up then, looking at it intently, holding it up to the light of the lamp on his bedside table.
"Well the line is kinda faint but… you're right it's definitely there", he nods with a sigh, looking at one of the tests with two pink lines.
"Well this one just gave me a smiley face", I scoff, holding up another test. "Which just sort of seems like a cruel joke".
I groan then.
"This one just spells it right out for you", Cappie's eyes go wide when he sees the clearblue digital test that just reads the word 'pregnant'.
"Yeah, tell me about it", I agree. "That one really made it set in. Not to mention it cost like 45 dollars".
I shake my head in annoyance.
"Damn it really cost that much?", Cap looks pretty surprised.
"Yeah all the girl stuff isn't cheap", I scoff. "Ironic because if I'm gonna be having a baby I should be saving up money for it… not blowing it on overpriced pregnancy tests. I was stupid to buy so many. I just thought…"
I trail off then.
"That maybe just one would give you the answer you wanted?", Cappie finishes my sentence.
"Yeah exactly", I look down sadly.
Cappie moves then to get his wallet out of his back pocket.
"Well hey you shouldn't have to pay for them all by yourself. If you'd told me you thought you might be pregnant I would've taken you there to buy them", Cappie says and then opens up his wallet to pass me a 50 dollar bill.
"C'mon Cap", I shake my head and don't take the money. "I didn't tell you the price to make you feel bad, I don't want your money".
"No, I know you didn't", He assures me. "But I'm giving you this regardless".
He speaks sternly and then drops it in my lap even if I won't take it with my hands.
I look him over then, not really knowing what to say and then sigh, ignoring the money and instead picking up the pregnancy tests to stuff back into my purse. Then I open up my notebook.
"Alright. Pros and cons", I announce and start writing out the two words, naming columns for each. "Well obviously I've got some cons already. One being that we're both college students who have nothing to provide to a baby…"
I start to write down in the cons column.
"And we're only 20", I continue to list off another con.
"I'm gonna be 21 in a month", Cappie shrugs.
"As if that makes a difference?", I give him a look. "Oh, another con, babies cost a ton".
"Yeah… I think things would be okay though on that front", he shrugs.
"Yeah how do you figure?", I scoff sarcastically.
"Well I never say anything about it but… I got a bunch of scholarship money so my college tuition for the whole 4 years is paid for", Cap shrugs.
"What? Really?", I say in shock.
"Yeah", he shrugs nonchalantly. "And… when my grandpa died a couple years ago, he left me quite a bit of money that I haven't even really touched. My parents are hippies and… they didn't really get along with him so he gave it to me, his only grandkid".
"Oh wow", I give him a surprised look then.
"It's not Chambers level wealth…", He lets out a bit of a laugh then. "But we wouldn't struggle that much for the first few years if you do want to have it".
"Okay", I nod. "Good to know".
I move my pen over to the pros column tentatively writing down 'Can probably afford'.
"Another con is that… you and me aren't together", I say with an awkward shrug.
"I mean… we could change that down the road", Cappie looks up to meet my eyes, the different shades of blue showing in his eyes.
"Cap…", I trail off then.
"Nevermind, yeah you should put it as a con", he nods then, pursing his lips and avoiding my gaze as I write.
"Well so far there's a lot more cons than pros", I say with a sigh. "I… can't really think of a pro to be honest".
"I can", Cap shrugs like it's obvious. "Even if we can't provide much... we would love it".
I look at him a little confused then.
"We'd love the baby, I'm sure", he explains further. "Even if we didn't plan it, we'd end up loving him or her. I know the two of us".
I nod then, taking this in, a little surprised these words are coming out of Cappie's mouth to be quite honest.
"I guess you're right", I nod. "I… haven't let my mind go there at all because I'm a little scared to but… babies are really cute".
I shrug then and write two words in the pros column. 'Love' and 'cute'.
"Well uh…", Cappie speaks up after a moment. "Did this help at all Case?"
Cappie refers down to notebook.
I put it down to the side of me and let out a deep sigh, frowning.
"If I'm being honest…", I say. "No".
Cappie looks sad for me too then.
"Well maybe we should just take some time. Sleep on it. You only just found out", Cappie shrugs, trying to give me some sort of answer, some sort of motivation.
"Yeah you're right", I nod. "I'm just not going to be able to relax until I figure it out".
"Well you should get some sleep", Cappie offers. "You probably need sleep right now".
I half expect him to add 'in your condition' but he doesn't.
"Want me to walk you back to the ZBZ house?", He gets up then.
"I'm really tired now and I… I don't want to face the girls with my eyes all puffy and stuff. Do you think I could just lay down here for a bit?", I ask him, feeling a little awkward to even be asking.
"Yeah, yeah of course", he nods then, speaking quickly. "You're welcome to, I just didn't think you'd want to. I can… sleep on the floor".
"Don't be stupid", I roll my eyes at him. "Your floor is littered with crap and we've slept in the same bed lots of times before. At least we'll have clothes on this time".
I sigh then and then move to take my shoes off and lay back on his bed, on the side I'd slept on two a half weeks ago.
"Yeah I guess you're right, I'm just trying to be chivalrous", He gives me a look then, smirking.
"Well for the first time in your life Cap, you're gonna have a girl in your bed without having just screwed her!", I speak sarcastically giving him a joking glare.
"Hey in case you got amnesia in the last few minutes, we have screwed", he grins devilishly, I can tell wanting to tease me, wanting to spar with me. "Fairly recently too".
I give him a death look then as he takes off his jacket and then his flannel top, throwing them onto a pile of random clothes in the corner. I'm sure if I looked in there there would be a bra or two. Probably a thong too, from the parade of girls that went in and out of here.
He's left in just his jeans and a black tank top then as he gets on the bed, laying down.
I turn on my side, trying to stay as far away from him as possible, not let him think that I'm enjoying this.
Because if I'm being honest with myself, the reason I didn't go back to ZBZ to sleep isn't because I'm worried about the girls waking up and seeing that I've been crying. No, it's because he's here and he knows now. And even if he's not my boyfriend or anything even close to that, he'd expressed that he was here for me. And out of all the people on this campus, I still weirdly considered him somewhere at the top of the list for who I'd run to if I needed help.
But he didn't need to know that.
No, he just needed to lay beside me here in the now darkness and let me try to push away my anxiety about everything and get some sleep. Deal with the impending doom in the morning.