When I go upstairs I expect to see Ash but who I find sitting on the end of my bed waiting for me is someone I didn't expect.
When I walk in the doorway his eyes meet mine.
"Evan…", I croak his name out.
"Is it true?", Is all he says, his face like stone.
"Evan I-"
"Is it true?!", He demands now in an angry voice.
"Yes", I nod meekly.
"Oh my god", he shakes his head in disbelief and then puts his head in his hands. "I didn't think it would actually be true, I thought Frannie was just starting some dumb rumour like she always does… Casey! What have you done?!"
"Well it's not like I tried to!", I argue.
"You've ruined everything!", He's angry now.
"I ruined everything?!", I'm just as angry back, annoyed with him right now. "You're the one who started this!"
"You didn't have to sleep with him! I mean it doesn't matter anyways, because you're the one getting screwed over here. You have that losers baby inside you now and that's punishment enough", He scoffs bitterly, gesturing to my still completely flat stomach as I stand in front of him.
"Punishment?", I cross my arms at him. "You seriously think I need to be punished?! Evan you cheated on me! I was always loyal to you, always!"
"Yeah well, you had to be or else you wouldn't get all the perks of being with me would you?", he sneers.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh c'mon Casey, you don't think I don't know that you completely took any chance you could to jump into his bed?! I'm sure you liked it! Having a get in his pants free card! Because he's the one that you want to be with, isn't he? You just dated me this past year because it upped your social standing and you know that being with Cappie wouldn't do that for you!", He looks so bitter and angry right now, so unlike the guy I thought I knew.
"Evan… I did care about you, I thought we loved each other", I get out emotionally. "But I have no idea why, because now I know I could never love someone like you!"
"Well good, because we're done. You sleeping with Cappie was a pretty slutty thing to do and I thought you were better than that! But clearly I don't know you as well as I thought I did either", He says meanly.
All I can do is stand there in shock, hands on my hips, just completely in awe that he's calling me a slut.
"That's pretty hypocritical Evan, not to mention a major double standard", I give him a dirty look. "I hadn't even had sex for months! And you and me barely had sex last year anyways! And even still I was always faithful to you! I'm not... I'm not a slut".
"We never had sex that much because you never seemed to want to! It wasn't me! I mean, c'mon Casey! Why the hell do you think I sought out some random girl to have sex with during rush? I felt like you didn't want me! We came back here to school a few weeks ago and didn't even do it once!", He argues and then pauses for a moment to shake his head, putting his hand on his temple. "But somehow it was really easy for you to have a quickie with Cappie!"
I open my mouth then, making a scoffing noise, still unable to believe he's stooping this low.
I decide to be just as petty back then.
"Well you're wrong about that Evan", I give him a cross of my arms. "Because it wasn't just a quickie".
I give him a look then as confusion crosses his face.
"We didn't even barely sleep that night during rush… because it happened three times. So yeah, maybe you're right, maybe it is easy for me to sleep with him", I nod. "But who can blame me when this is the kind of person you are! When you cheat on me and then have the nerve to call me a slut!"
I give him a snide look now, feeling some sense of satisfaction at the way that he looks completely caught off guard, at the way I'm standing up for myself after he was completely out of line to call insinuate that I'm a slut.
And I can't lie, I like that he now knows how many times me and Cappie did it. That I was never just forcing myself to sleep with Cappie so I could get back at him, that was only what it was about at the start of that night. Because by the end... well by the end I was questioning why the hell I was even with Evan, why I was even attempting to get over the fact that he'd cheated instead of just putting my foot down and breaking up with him.
Looking at him now like this I knew I didn't need Evan, that now I didn't even want him.
"Well then you really got me back, didn't you? More than you had to", He makes air quotes when says 'got me back', looking stiff and completely pissed off at this revelation. "Just so you know, I'm making sure that every single person on this campus knows that this baby isn't mine".
He speaks cruelly, saying the word 'baby' like it's some sort of disease.
"Go ahead! I'm not trying to pass it off as your baby anyways", I cross my arms, anger boiling up in me. "I wouldn't want it to be".
"Well have fun trying to create some insane picket fence fantasy with that idiot", Evan gets up now, giving me one last glare before he goes to the windowed doors in my room where he had snuck in and bypassed the front door. "If I can give you any advice it would be to get rid of it as quickly as possible".
"I didn't ask for your advice!", I give him back the same cruelness he was so happy to spew at me. "Now please leave".
"Already on my way out", He gives me one last snide look before opening the panelled door and getting out.
I slump down on my bed now that he's gone and start to cry a bit. Not because I was sad about breaking up with Evan, not really. I already knew it was over a few days ago. I'm just crying because I was so overwhelmed right now, and because he'd been so extremely cruel when I was already in a fragile state.
I mean just last night I thought I was going to have an abortion and things would go back to normal. And now this morning everything had just been turned on it's head. What was once my normal would never be normal for me again, not now.
I check my phone then to see a text from Ash.
Ash: Case I'm sorry, I had to head to class. Are you okay? What are you doing about the abortion? When I woke up you were just gone! And now Frannie knows everything. Text me to let me know if you're okay!
I smile through my tears at the fact that Ash is checking up on me.
I text her back.
Casey: Hi Ash. I'm okay. I went to Cappie's last night, I just kind of needed him. I'm having the baby Ash. I couldn't go this morning. Now everyone knows and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I don't even know if I can stay here.
She texts me back almost immediately.
Ash: Thank god you're okay! I was worried about you. I'm happy you figured out what you want to do though. I can't believe Frannie! I walked in on her snooping in our room this morning looking through your purse. I'm so sorry Case. I'm sure it's running rampant around campus right now. But you always have me! Remember that.
Casey: Thanks Ash. Me and Evan just broke up. He was so cruel, like he wasn't even himself. But maybe I don't even know who he was in the first place. Anyways, I have to focus on the baby now, not him. When are you coming back?
Ash: I should be home in about an hour Case. I'm sorry about Evan.
Casey: Yeah well, it's definitely for the best. He's hurt me too much to ever get over it.
Ash: Well you went to someone for comfort last night…
Casey: You don't have to say it like that Ash, he's just the only one who would understand. And he's been… really supportive actually. More than I would've thought.
Ash: I always kind of knew he would be there for you.
Casey: I guess I shouldn't keep underestimating him so much. Anyways… soon people will know about me and him too.
Ash: Yeah... right now people think it's Evan's baby.
Casey: Well not for long, Evan made it very clear that he was going to ensure people know it isn't his baby. So pretty soon I'm sure people will connect the dots or I'll just have to come clean and say it's Cappie's.
Ash: I'm sorry you're going through this, I know things were already hard enough without this being a full blown scandal.
Casey: I know. And now I don't even know if I can be at ZBZ right now Ash. I think that I'm gonna get away for a few days so I can think… and so that things can blow over a bit. Besides... once Teegan and the rest of the ZBZ council members know I'm pregnant I'm pretty sure I'll get kicked out of the sorority anyway. Having a pregnant girl in this chapter wouldn't look good for them. I know that and Frannie knows that.
Ash: But where will you go?
I think to myself for a moment.
Casey: Not sure yet. Maybe Rusty's dorm? Or I'll go to Cappie's, I don't know. Eventually I'll probably have to figure out a more permanent situation.
Ash: I think you should just go see Cappie. If that would be most comforting to you right now.
Casey: I don't really know if anything will be comforting for me right now but you're probably right. At least Cappie will let me sleep in his bed.
Ash: Yeah because you sleeping in his bed probably excites him Case.
Casey: Yeah but he would offer to sleep on the floor too… not that I'd let him.
Ash: Pretty nice to know for certain that he's going to be there for you though, right?
I pause for a second as the corners of my mouth turn up into a reluctant smile. Because she was right about that. Even if I had no one, I still knew deep down I'd always have him. And Ash of course. And Rusty too. I had a billion unread texts from Rusty on my phone that I would have to answer soon. At least there were three people who I knew were completely on my side through this.
Case: Yeah you're right Ash. It's honestly… more than I could've hoped for with him. Even if it's wrong that I'm going to him for comfort right now.
Ash: It's not wrong if it's what'll help.
I think about that for a moment. I guess I had been trying to fight it for a long time, trying to fight going to Cappie for anything because I thought it was the wrong thing for me to be doing. But if something was wrong, then why did it feel good?
Ash: Oops sorry Case, my professor just caught me with my phone. Got to go!
I laugh to myself then, picturing Ashleigh right now in class.
Casey: Hope you don't get in too much trouble. Love you Ash!
I close my phone then and let out a deep sigh.
I look around me and Ash's room here in ZBZ. I loved it here so much, had all my stuff here, decorated the room just how I liked it. It was my home. And yet… now I felt like there was absolutely no way I could be here.
I go to my closet and grab out my pink striped Victoria's Secret duffle bag.
I guess it was time to pack and get out of here for awhile, I couldn't stand to be in a house with Frannie right now. Not to mention with all the other girls asking me what I was going to do, asking me if I was gonna have it…. if me and Evan were going to get married now.
I just couldn't handle it.
I make my way over to the KT house with a baseball cap on, my bag slung over my shoulder, hoping no one can tell it's me. I really should've worn some sunglasses too, but I thought that would be a bit much, would just draw attention to me even further.
I just knew that everyone on Greek row probably knew I was pregnant now. And if they didn't, I'm sure they would soon. It was already past noon and rumours really didn't take long to get around here, especially if Frannie was the one spreading it.
I reach the KT house and Beaver answers the door, eating a beef jerky stick.
"Oh hi Casey", He gives me a suggestive grin when he sees it's me. "Is this another incognito sex date with Cappie you're showing up for?"
I roll my eyes at him quickly.
"No Beav", I groan. "I just… I need to talk to Cappie".
"Aren't you pregnant with Bing's blazer wearing, pretentious baby?", He questions.
"How do you know the word pretentious... or the word incognito?", I question, knowing Beaver wasn't exactly always the sharpest tool in the shed.
"Wikipedia", He grins. "I've been choosing a word of the day to learn".
"Well… that's nice", I nod, giving him a confused look still. "Anyways, is Cappie here?"
I feel sick then, like I'm gonna barf at the smell of Beaver's beef jerky he's chewing on.
"Yeah he's here", Beaver nods and moves away from the doorway now to let me in.
"Actually…", I put my hand over my mouth. "I need to use the washroom".
"Oh… okay you know where it is, down the hall", He nods, looking at me confusedly.
"Okay", I nod, barely able to get the word out. "Can you get Cappie for me?"
"Yeah okay", I hear him behind me, but I'm already rushing to the bathroom to spill my guts out into the toilet.
The bathroom was already pretty gross, I'm sure this toilet must've been used to throw up in many times. Although… probably never from someone who was suffering from morning sickness and food aversions so bad the mere smell of a specific food makes me hurl.
I pant to myself, trying to catch my breath after throwing up in the toilet.
I feel weak but try standing up slowly.
"Casey?", I hear a knock on the door then.
I can't help but sigh of relief at the sound of his voice.
"Hey", I croak out in a quiet voice.
"Are you okay, can I come in?"
"Yeah", I nod.
The door opens then and he looks at me as I flush the toilet.
"I just threw up", I groan, a tear running down my cheek, my throat burning as I have a horrid taste in my mouth. "It was... Beaver's weird pepperoni stick... the smell of it".
He looks me up and down, his face falling.
"Here, c'mon, I'm gonna bring you up to my room", He takes my frame in his arms, wrapping his arm around my back to guide me out of the washroom. "You don't look so good, you should lay down".
"Okay", I just let out the one word meekly. "Wait… my bag".
I look down at where I'd thrown my bag down before I'd thrown up.
"Here I've got it, don't worry", He stops me as I start to lean down to get it, instead picking it up himself and putting it over his shoulder like it weighs nothing.
He helps me up the stairs then, me still feeling pretty weak and drained. Physically and emotionally.
"I guess you didn't hear yet then?", I look to him.
"What do you mean? Hear what?", He looks at me quizzically.
"Well Beaver sure heard. Maybe he just didn't want to tell you but… everyone knows Cap", I give him a sad look as we reach his room and he opens the door.
"What?", He shakes his head in confusion. "How?"
We get in his room then and I sit down on his bed so I can fully explain what had happened in the last few hours.
"Frannie found the ultrasound photo and one of the tests in my purse and she told the whole sorority… which means I'm sure everyone on Greek row knows by now…", I sigh. "And Evan knows… Evan also knows that it's yours".
"Hmmm I'm surprised I haven't gotten a visit from him yet to bash my skull in", Cap scoffs and then goes serious. "I'm really sorry Case. I know you didn't want anyone to know, it's not fair that Frannie did this to you".
"Yeah it's like…", I sigh. "The worst thing that could've happened and I can't stay there now and… I broke up with Evan obviously… or maybe he broke up with me, I don't know. He called me a slut and so did Frannie and I just feel like a horrible person right now. If everyone's saying it, maybe it's true".
I start to cry then and he looks sympathetically at me, letting me word vomit this all out to him.
"Case…", He shakes his head with a frown and then takes me into him arms gently, pulling me into his room and shutting his door, then pulling me into his body to hug. "You're not a slut".
"I feel like one with what everyone is saying!", I get out in a sob, my body wracking against his as I cry. "And it's only gonna get worse now that everyone knows! People will think horribly of me".
I can't help but break down now. I'd mostly kept it in back at ZBZ, but now, here alone with him, for some reason I felt like I could fully cry.
"All you did was have sex that night like a billion other people on this campus do. It's not a crime to like having sex", Cap assures me. "We just happened to be… really unlucky… and a little careless I guess".
"Yeah", I nod up and down. "I guess so".
I really did feel guilty. Guilty because I had sought him out with the purpose of hooking up with him, guilty because I liked it so much, guilty because I liked it that much when I have a boyfriend.
Or did anyway.
"Can I… can I stay here for awhile?", I look to him desperately, a little uncomfortable asking him but I knew I had no other choice really.
"You want to stay here?", He looks surprised then. "With me? And with 30 other guys who are barely even potty trained?"
He gives me a joking look then, I think trying to make me laugh, but I just roll my eyes, unsure how he can joke around at a time like this. But of course he can, it's him.
"Cappie", I moan.
"Yeah you can stay here. Of course you can stay here", he looks serious now, giving me a nod. "I'm sorry you had such a rough morning".
"It's just the worst possible scenario Cap!", I throw my hands up. "Everything is just so messed up. My whole life has gone up in flames in a matter of days!"
He looks at me with a nod, looking sympathetic as he puts my overnight bag down on his bed.
"C'mon it'll be okay, I promise. You can stay here as long as you need", He assures me as he sits down right beside me on his bed.
"Thanks… it was either here or the floor of Rusty's dorm", I let out a laugh, even through my tears.
"Well you're pregnant, you shouldn't be sleeping on the floor", He looks at me sternly.
I pause for a moment, just looking at him while I can see that he's already looking out for me through this.
"Cap…?"
"Yeah?", He looks at me like he's a little confused about what I'm gonna say next. Intrigued too though.
"Why are you being so nice to me?", I ask him in a meek voice. "I mean… you should hate me. I would".
"What? Why would I hate you?"
"Because… I used you to get back at Evan and then left the next day. I dumped you for your best friend and broke your friendship up… I know you probably don't think so but I'm still ashamed of myself for doing it. For doing all of it", I sigh. "I know I was being selfish".
"Well…", Cappie sighs. "I can't say it didn't hurt but I don't think it's physically possible for me to hate you Case. Even if… even if I wanted to".
"Okay", I nod, speaking in a quiet voice.
"And... I wasn't a perfect boyfriend to you", He shrugs, averting my gaze as he looks down for a moment. "You and I both know that".
"Yeah but… you've never hurt me… never hurt me like I hurt you. Or hurt me like Evan hurt me", I say.
He pauses for a moment, looking at me, I think unsure whether to say what's on the tip of his tongue.
"And I never will, I can promise you that", He looks at me seriously then.
"I know you won't", I look to him as I nod, assuring him that I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. It was the reason I'd always felt so safe with him. Even if I acted like he annoyed me over the past year or so… And even if I disapproved of his lifestyle sometimes… He was still the person I knew I could count on to never do anything to purposely hurt me. I knew he wasn't capable of it.
I hear noises outside Cappie's door then, taking me out of my thoughts and out of this sort of sweet moment that me and Cap are having.
"What is that?", I furrow my brow looking around.
I can see Cappie being on alert now, listening carefully, trying to hear what I hear. When he does he rolls his eyes.
"Guys! Seriously?!", He calls over to the door. "Me and Casey are having a private conversation".
It must be his brothers trying to eavesdrop the best they can.
Cap gets up then and opens the door and we see Wade, Ferret, Jeremy and Beaver standing there. Beaver stands with a red solo cup that I'm sure he was trying to put against the door to hear what we were saying.
"Sorry Cap… it's just…", Wade starts. "Everyone's heard".
"Yeah about the bun in the oven", Ferret adds with a smirk.
"We didn't want to be the ones to tell you because we knew it would hurt you and we didn't want to deal with crazy cleaning Cappie… or drunk strip club Cappie", Beaver shrugs.
Cappie looks over to me and then back at the guys, sighing.
"Well I know about it", He nods. "I have for a couple days now".
"Really? Does Evan know you're here Casey?", Wade sticks his head in to look at me.
"No", I groan. "But it doesn't really matter. Nothing with Evan matters anymore. Because… he's not the father, alright?"
They look to each other in surprise then, the four of them.
"Wait a sec…", Wade puts it together, looking back and forth from me to Cappie. "You two?"
We both nod then.
"Yep… we're… having a baby", Cappie nods, looking a little uncomfortable at the words coming out of his mouth.
"Not that I'm gonna for sure keep it… I might still do adoption. But... I'm gonna have it", I add.
"Wait seriously? You guys?!", Wade reiterates.
"Yep", I nod.
"You're back together?!", Beaver looks at us excitedly.
"No", Me and Cappie both say in unison as if on cue.
Me and Cappie look to each other then, before Cappie sighs and decides to explain.
"Me and Casey… we hooked up during rush… a few times", Cappie explains to them.
"Up top bro!", Beaver puts his hand up for a high five. "Stealing Bing's girlfriend and impregnating her is like... top three Omega Chi pranks we've ever pulled!"
Cappie fails to high five him back, instead he just gives him an awkward purse of his lips.
"We didn't mean to get pregnant Beaver!", I give him a look, huffing out the air in my lungs in annoyance.
"Right… okay", He nods, looking a little scared of the glare I give him.
"Damn… I mean I knew you guys hooked up because… let's be real, we could totally hear you that night and then of course there was the next morning... Your walk of shame through the house…", Wade looks to me with a smirk and I just bury my head in my hands.
"Guys c'mon", Cappie butts in. "This is really… hard for Casey so let's just all be nice, she… she needs friends right now".
I move my hands away from my face to look up at him. He can't see me because he's focused on his brothers but I can't help but blush a bit.
"Right, sorry. The KTs are here for you guys", Beaver nods, looking serious.
"Yeah totally", Ferrett adds and Jeremy, who honestly might be non verbal, nods.
"Thanks guys", Cappie nods.
"Yeah thank you", I say genuinely.
"Casey's gonna stay here for a bit too so… try and be on your best behaviour okay?", Cap tells them and I can't help but scoff to myself.
"Will do", Beaver nods. "I'll make sure I flush the toilet… and also put the seat down… and try to not burp too much".
"Thanks Beav", Cap puts his hand on his shoulder with a laugh.
"I can't believe you guys are gonna have a baby!", Wade adds, still looking pretty shocked. "I mean… everyone out there thinks she's having Chambers' kid".
"Well feel free to spread the word that it's not his", I sigh. "We're not together anymore… and it ended pretty bad so…"
"People are gonna freak when they find out it's Cappie's kid. I mean… I'm pretty sure they won't be surprised Cappie got someone pregnant...", Beaver theorizes. "But they'll be surprised that it's you that he got pregnant".
"Yeah I know", I sigh. "It's… it's crazy, how out of hand the whole thing has gotten. I didn't want anyone to know and now everyone does. I don't even know how to face anyone now!"
Cappie looks at me sadly.
"It's okay Case. Classes can wait… just hangout here today", Cappie shrugs. "Everything will blow over".
"Yeah okay", I nod, thankful that he's here to help assure me.
"Well we'll leave you guys alone then…", Beaver grins stupidly. "You know… since she can't get any more pregnant I don't know if you guys wanna-"
"Beav!", I groan, rolling my eyes and cutting him off.
"Yeah inappropriate Beav. Best behaviour remember?", Cappie laughs. "I'll… I'll see you guys later?"
"Yeah sure Cap", Ferret nods and the four of them leave down the hall as Cappie closes the door again.
"Well…", I sigh, looking at him as he turns around to look at me, standing above me. "Now everyone's gonna know you're the dad".
"Fine by me", He nods.
I think for a moment then, about what this will mean. All the girls at ZBZ are gonna be shocked. A rumour like this was enough to fuel drama and gossip for a week or so, but this plot twist… the fact that I'm not even pregnant by my boyfriend… well that was enough to keep this story going for awhile.
"It's gonna be okay Case", He brings me back to earth then, I'm sure able to see that I'm freaking out.
"Okay", I nod, croaking the word out as my voice cracks.
He comes back to sit right beside me and I feel my heart pound slightly at his closeness. Even though I had tried to push him away through this I couldn't help how my body reacted to him, how his closeness still created this electricity within me.
"Can I… can I hug you?", He stammers out nervously. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah", I nod up and down, looking up to meet his blue eyes. "Okay".
"Okay", he smirks, nodding with a playful glint in his eye as he takes me into his arms and I let myself fall into him, let myself hug him back.
Because maybe Ash was right. Maybe if finding comfort in Cappie was what was helping me right now then it couldn't be wrong.
And here in his arms, my head against his chest as I inhale his smell, it sure didn't feel wrong.