"Yeah last night was… pretty good actually", I shrug, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
Me and Ashleigh are sat at a table at a cafe in town.
Usually we would go to The Espresso Farm, or to Doblers even. But… I was kind of living out the plot of The Scarlet Letter right now so… camping out here was best. At least for now while my pregnancy was still piping hot gossip within CRU's greek system.
"That's good, I honestly felt so bad last night Case... being out at the Omega Chi sweetheart thing with the girls and not having you there. When of course you were the one who should've gotten that title, I mean you've been dreaming about it since last year", Ash sighs, frowning.
"Ash…", I scoff, shaking my head. It was crazy to me that in just a few weeks my priorities had changed drastically. "Believe me, I do not want that title if it involves having to be Evan's girlfriend".
I roll my eyes and take a drink of my hot chocolate. Something I now had to order because I was avoiding coffee.
"True", Ash nods. "Don't worry, I gave him dirty looks for you all night last night".
"I knew you were my best friend!", I say with a giggle as we joke around.
"Of course", She twirls her hair around her finger with a smirk and then she rolls her eyes. "Honestly Case, it seems to me like he's maybe starting something up with Frannie, who was crowned sweetheart last night".
We both express our disdain for her with just a shared look of disgust.
"Well that would certainly be fitting", I match her eye roll with a groan. "The two people that helped ruin my reputation coming together to ignite their evil".
I'm joking around a bit, but my anger towards them is real.
"Exactly, they're a good match", Ash nods, clearly frustrated with them too. "For the record Case... I always thought you deserved better than Evan".
"Really?", I'm a little surprised by her saying that, this being news to me.
"Yeah Case, I mean I've known you since freshman year and… obviously you've always been my awesome, beautiful best friend", She grins and I can't help but give her a sheepish smile, touched by her words. "But I just feel like when you started dating him you weren't as carefree… you seemed stressed and constantly worried that you weren't enough. It just seemed to me like he dimmed your light Case".
I take this in now. That sentence was actually the exact way to put it. The feeling I'd felt when I was dating Evan that I was never really able to put into words.
"Honestly…", I sigh. "You're exactly right Ash. I mean, even though I'm more stressed than ever with the whole, y'know, being unexpectedly pregnant at 20 thing... as well as getting kicked out of my house, having everyone talking about me…"
"Yeah this school year hasn't exactly been easy or uneventful for you Case", She scoffs.
"Yeah", I shake my head in disbelief that this is my life now. "But what I was going to say is that even though I'm going through all of that, the stress of it, I'm still feeling… free. It's this freedom that comes with not having to keep up that perfect image anymore Ash, it was exhausting".
I let out a long sigh.
"I've seen a change in you too", Ash smiles at me.
"You have?", I ask, taken aback.
"Yeah, you just seem a lot more like you, a lot more real", she laughs slightly. "I mean you're wearing flats…"
She gestures down to my feet under our table as we laugh.
"And you're wearing whatever you want... every strand of your hair isn't like… perfectly placed like you used to worry about. You just don't seem stressed about what Frannie or Evan is going to think about you or about whether or not you're good enough for them… good enough to be ZBZ president", Ashleigh continues to explain.
"Well…", I take this in with a nod. "I guess the destruction of my life has made me not care about that anymore. Especially since I know being ZBZ's next president and being greek row's 'it couple' with Evan is done and never going to happen".
I shrug.
"Well maybe it's for the best anyway Case", Ash tries to be supportive, shrugging with me.
"Me getting myself pregnant at 20 with nowhere to really live, no money, and no idea what to do is what's best Ash?", I speak sarcastically, raising my eyebrow at her playfully.
"Okay one", Ash laughs, putting her finger up to use to list off what she's going to say. "You didn't get yourself pregnant… that's, like, virtually impossible".
I start to involuntarily blush now at the mention of Cappie, sheepishly trying not to laugh.
"Okay… I guess you're right about that", I give in.
"And two, you aren't completely homeless since you're currently living with the person in question that got you pregnant", Ash gives me a playful laugh.
"Not living with Ash", I quickly butt in. "That statement would imply that we're like… a couple of some sorts. He's just… letting me live in his frat house for awhile because I have nowhere to go and he feels guilty because he forgot to wear condom".
I shrug with a slight sigh, feeling a bit sad at that fact. I knew that Cappie felt guilty... and I hated being pitied. Especially not when that whole entire night was my idea.
I look away from Ash now, sipping out of my mug like it's absolutely no big deal.
"Okay fine", Ash concedes. "Theres also number three, you don't totally have no money. You told me that you've been saving up from every summer that you've worked since you were 16. And you also told me that Cappie has a decent amount from his grandfather's inheritance".
She holds up her mug of coffee, raising both her eyebrows like she's saying just with her look that I wasn't totally as hard up as I'd acted.
"Okay true", I roll my eyes back in my head. "But the minimum wage I've saved from working at Forever 21 in the summers is barely anything Ash. And... with Cappie, that's his money… it's not like I can just impose and like, use it, I would hate doing that. I… I already let him pay for the initial appointment back where they confirmed I was pregnant. And I have another appointment next week… He's coming with but I'm gonna try to pay for this one this time because it makes me feel like crap being this helpless".
I sigh sadly, puckering my lower lip out slightly as I frown.
"You're not completely helpless Case. You've honestly handled this way better than I ever could've", She gives me a soft smile. "And this is his baby too, not just yours, so you're not imposing".
"Well", I sigh. "I'm sleeping in his bed while he has to take the couch, I'm eating food at the KT house… using his money for the first ultrasound appointment", I sigh. "And who would've known but ultrasounds with an OBGYN aren't cheap Ash. Even if I don't keep the baby at the end of this... the whole pregnancy is expensive on it's own. I just hate feeling like an imposition to him".
"I know", She touches my arm softly across the table. "But… Case, you might not wanna hear this, but I know how Cappie is about you. He's not going to see any of this as an imposition or as an inconvenience. I'm sure he's like... completely stoked that you're there".
She laughs a bit now, making me cheer up too.
"Eh", I shrug, smiling but averting my gaze when I speak. For some reason when we talked about Cappie I felt as though I couldn't show her that I still… had feelings for him. I didn't want her to know that. I couldn't let her see me smile at what she'd just said. "Maybe you're right Ash. We uh… we did actually hangout last night".
I give her an awkward look now. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her the truth about how I spent my night last night. But now it was out in the open.
"What?!", Ash looks surprised and then she lightly swats at my hand from across the table, making me laugh. "We've been here for like, 45 minutes and this is the first time you're mentioning that you spent last night with the father of your baby!"
"Whoa", I laugh, putting my hands up. "You're getting a little intense here Ash. I don't even know if the baby is going to be ours. I haven't… wanted us to get too attached to it and then get hurt".
"Yeah I get that", She gives me a sympathetic look, the air around our conversation becoming more serious now.
We both sit in silence for a moment, me looking down at my drink feeling sad about it. About growing this baby for 9 months, this baby whose ultrasound I kept hidden in the drawer beside my bed. Well… technically Cappie's bed. But still… I wanted it close to me, I wanted to look at it. And I so badly wanted to get a new one next week and see that it had grown. Then I'd have a new photo of it to carefully study every square inch of.
I was only 9 weeks and yet I was… invested. Which absolutely terrified me because I didn't want to get hurt when I would likely have to give this baby, my baby that would spend 9 months growing inside my body, away.
"Lord help those adoptive parents if you do go that route Case. I can't even imagine…. I mean if the terrible twos are already bad a kid with Cappie's genes would probably be even worse", Ash jokes as she interrupts my anxious thoughts.
I can tell trying to lighten the mood because she saw my sunken shoulders, saw the way my hand shook while holding onto the handle of my mug.
"Yeah you're probably right about that Ash", I giggle now, unable to stop the sheepish smile that makes its way across my lips.
I can't help it then, it's like a bodily reaction, the way my heart swells as I feel warmth radiating through my chest.
The mere thought of a little girl or boy that was half Cappie running around was something I hadn't expected to smile at. But… I knew that if the baby took after him... well then I knew I'd love them.
"You're smiling again, that's good", Ash smirks at me, giving me what's seeming to be an insinuating grin.
"What?", I question, looking at her like I'm annoyed at her suggestion.
"Nothing", She shrugs innocently but I know her well, knew what she was thinking. She could see right through me. "Just… I know how sad and scared you are to have to give the baby up. I see your whole body language change, see how sad it makes you. And then all I have to do is mention Cappie's name and you're smiling, looking just as giddy as the night you met him".
I purse my lips now, hating that I can't hide anything from her. When it came to me she was too smart to fool.
"Remember that night Ash?", I smile now, memories rushing back. "That was one of the best nights of my life… and I knew right then and there that I was going to love it here".
I smile softly, nostalgic and yearning for those days. That night when everything seemed so much simpler. When I had just showed up to CRU scared, inexperienced, and a little homesick. But then I met a cute guy at a party who made my skin feel hot, who made my stomach flip flop around like I was on a rollercoaster.
He had only just kissed me that night, just a simple kiss. That was all I had done anyways at that point, having arrived to college completely inexperienced. And despite the fact that people thought Cappie was sort of a joke, I knew that he was smart, really smart. I know he'd been able to tell from just those few hours of getting to know me that I wasn't the type of girl he may usually go after, that I was more innocent. And I remember he'd kissed me and then told me that there was lots of time for us to do more, and that he wanted to see me the next day, wanted to see me every day of that month. So that's what we did.
It was so simple, so carefree then. We hadn't gotten into this tangled, emotional, complicated mess yet. We were just kids falling in love for the first time.
Sometimes I just wanted to go back to start and do it right this time. Not get taken in by Evan, not spend every moment of my time trying to be Frannie's perfect successor.
"Yeah that night was fun", Ashleigh laughs, then tucks her hair behind her ear. "I didn't even know you that well then but do you remember what I told you when you got back to the dorms Case?"
She smirks at me now, leaning in, her elbows resting on the table between us.
"C'mon... We were really high on life that night Ash… and drinking… and-", I list reasons, trying to avoid what she'd told me, chalk it to childlike, drunk rambling.
"Case you do remember though right? You weren't that drunk", Ash scoffs, interrupting me.
"Yes I remember", I roll my eyes back now, feeling vulnerable. "You told me that you had just had the honour of witnessing me meet the love of my life".
I shake my head now as I let out a humourless laugh, like the notion of her words that night is just pure nonsense.
She just gives me a smirk, eyebrow raised, getting what she wants to get across to me without even having to speak.
"People don't meet their soulmates at 18 Ash", I roll my eyes with a sigh.
"Some do", Ashleigh argues. "Especially ones who sleep with that person an ungodly amount of times in one night and end up getting pregnant by him".
She gives me a playful look, her usual Ashleigh look she would give me when she was letting me know that I wasn't fooling her. I just glare at her jokingly in response.
"It was not an ungodly amount of times Ash", I make sure to roll my eyes dramatically.
"It was literally 3 times in one night!", She argues, saying it a little too loud, making one older woman behind Ashleigh turn to us.
"Ash! Quiet down okay? Jeez!", I whisper to her, shuffling further into the table so that I'm closer to her, leaning on the tabletop.
"Sorry", Ashleigh gives me a regretful look, cringing. "I always do that don't I? I forget where we are. Not to mention, talk way too loud".
"It's okay Ash", I laugh, shaking my head, loving my best friend. "Seriously. It's not like any of these people know me… they'll just know me as the 3 times in one night girl".
I give her a glare, but I'm grinning.
"3 times is a lot, you can't argue with that", She says matter of fact. "You must like something about him to do that. I've only ever done it like... once in one night Case. But maybe… I don't know, maybe that's because the only boyfriend I've had was stupid Travis and any other guys here just kind of… suck in bed".
Ash sighs.
I can't help but smirk to myself. Sucking in bed was definitely not the problem with Cappie. Clearly.
"Well you'll meet the right one eventually Ash", I put my hand on hers that sits on the table. "Someone way better than Travis".
I say the word Travis I'm complete disgust making the two of us laugh together.
"Enough about that jerk…", Ashleigh rolls her eyes, but she's still smiling. "What did you and Cappie do last night?"
She smirks like she does when she's sitting and watching Laguna Beach, just on the edge of her seat for the drama.
"Seriously it isn't what you think at all Ash", I give her a look. "We just rented a movie and then came home, the house was completely empty because all the KTs went to that Tri Pi mixer. So it was just us, having some snacks, talking a bit and then going to bed when the guys started to come home... When you see Beaver stumble home drunk and then puke into their kiddie pool in the backyard… you know it's time to turn in".
Me and Ash can't help but laugh out laugh, probably making the other people here wonder what the hell is making us crack up like this.
"Jesus… ", Ash scoffs. "The culture shock going from the ZBZ house to that is crazy".
"Tell me about it", I laugh, rolling my eyes back. "Cappie helped clean him off though and then got him into bed".
I shrug and then pick up my drink, taking a sip to hide the way I smile a bit thinking about Cappie being much more of a big brother type to all the guys than I could have expected. It was a side of him I didn't exactly knew existed. The guy that didn't take the title of president lightly. He made sure all the guys were taken care of. And boy, did I ever see the way they all looked up to him.
But that was Cappie. He was ever charming. And he knew how to make people flock to him, was kind of a salesman that way.
"Well… he seems like a good president", Ash comments.
"Yeah", I nod up and down. "He actually is. The guys there… I know we sort of used to make fun of them Ash, but a lot of them are actually really sweet. They know I'm pregnant, obviously, and know I've been pretty sick lately. So yesterday Wade brought me this package of Jolly Ranchers because he told me it made him feel better to suck on them when he was nauseas from a hangover".
"Aw that's sweet!", Ashleigh laughs a bit. "Who would've thought they'd actually be anything other than typical frat guys".
"Yeah, I know right?", I nod up and down, smiling. "They've surprised me".
Spending the past few weeks using the KT house as a safe haven from the gossip and the judgment from the outside world ended up being a much better place to hole up at than I could have ever imagined. I mean... if you got past the very much boyish atmosphere there, the guys had definitely surprised me. They were way more down to earth and much sweeter than the Omega Chi boys that me and Ash had spent so much time with because our houses were constantly paired up. And… because I was dating Evan.
But I couldn't deny it. I felt really comfortable at the KT house. Just knowing all the guys there were going to be sweet to me throughout a time where my life was the talk of the entire greek system meant a lot to me.
"Crap!", Ashleigh's panicked voice interrupts my thoughts.
"What?", I look up, eyes wide.
Ash is looking down at her watch.
"I really gotta start paying attention to the time", she groans and then gets up. "I have class in 10 minutes Case! I majorly have to get going, I can't be late again or my prof is going to literally kill me!"
She rolls her eyes and slings her large leather purse over her shoulder.
"I hate to run out on you but-", She starts.
"No, no", I assure her, getting up as I clean up my spot. "Go Ash, seriously. I'll clean up our table, you just get to class".
"Okay, thank you", She smiles, puckering her lip out as she leans in to give me a quick hug. "Love you Case! I'll text you later!"
"Okay love you", I wave to her as she attempts to throw her coffee out but a tiny bit spills on the floor, her looking like a mess as she tries to get her phone into her bag at the same time. "Bye!"
I smile at her being the usual hot mess that she is, hoping she can still get to her class in time.
Once I've cleaned up our table I grab my purse and leave the cafe too.
I'd already had my classes this morning and was done for the day. Luckily my classes were sort of a safe place for me to go, one of the only places I actually left Cappie's room to go out to lately. Luckily the only people that really knew and cared about the fact that I was pregnant were the people in the greek system. And the school was filled with so many other people that my classes typically weren't with people I'd gone to mixers with, weren't people I saw at IFC and Panhellenic events. They were people that didn't know how crazy it was that I was currently housing Cappie's baby, something that had made it's way around greek row pretty quickly. Probably by Evan, or by one of the careless KT guys honestly.
The point was people knew. And people loved the drama of the plot twist of me being pregnant with someone that wasn't the perfect blonde rich boy who I was typically a fixture on the arm of. A fixture that assured me of my status, assured me of my high regarded reputation throughout the greek system. Especially with girls that were jealous of the fact that I was dating the Evan Chambers.
What they didn't know was that the 'Evan Chambers' wasn't the perfect, stand up guy he wanted everyone to think he was.
I knew people would say that this whole thing, me being pregnant with Cappie's baby, was something to feel sorry for me for. I even heard a Lambda Sig guy talking in the library about it. About how I was dreaming if I ever thought that Cappie, the resident frat boy of CRU, would ever want to have a baby and settle down from his lifestyle. I immediately left the library after overhearing that comment, too worried they would continue saying aloud any more of my worries about him.
I'm out in the cool, crisp autumn air now. I pull my cardigan sweater a little tighter around me now, trying to shield my body from the cool wind. When I look down I can't help but focus on my belly, my still flat belly underneath my pink tank top. Still… I knew it was there and when I looked in the mirror I could tell I was different. Only just in the past week. It was like I was a little bloated, like my hips were filled out a tad more.
But Ash hadn't said anything, neither had Rusty. But I could tell.
I get to my car now, unlocking it. And that's when I see it.
"What the hell?", I whisper to myself in annoyance, seeing the flat tire in front of me.
I was parallel parked on the side of the road, and the tire closest to the passenger side of the car door was flat.
I get closer now to inspect it, to see a small white piece of folded paper tucked on my windshield.
"What?", I let out, talking to myself as I take it off where it's tucked in on the windshield, the edges of the paper shaking because of the wind.
I open the folded paper to see the message. It wasn't even a message, it was just one word.
Slut.
And then on the bottom of the note there was the Omega Chi symbol.
"Seriously?", I groan aloud, seeing a sharp knife looking thing stuck in my tire.
Wow. Thanks a lot guys from Omega Chi.
To think, if things had gone different, I would've been crowed their sweetheart last night.
But no, now I'm being called something that was completely untrue. But that didn't make me feel any better, seeing that one word that made me feel ashamed inside, that made me feel horrible about myself. Like I was a criminal and that night I'd spent with Cappie was the crime. And yet I was sleeping every night now in the crime scene.
One of them must have seen my car, recognized it. It was just stupid, mean prank.
Something I shouldn't take seriously.
What I should take seriously is how the hell I'm going to get home now, how I'm going to fix the tire. Because, probably like most other 20 year old sorority girls, I had zero experience with this. Sure, my dad had tried to give me a boring lecture about how to change a tire when I was 18 and had gotten my car as a high school graduation gift. But I wasn't really listening.
I think about calling Rusty, maybe he'd know what to do. He knows a lot about science. I'd realized that from hanging out with him a lot the past few weeks. Could that translate into knowing how to change a tire? I had a spare tire in the back, something my dad insisted on, but it's not like I knew how to change one!
Rusty didn't even have a car, so I really doubted he'd know either. And… he really had no way to get here to me, he had no car, not to mention was likely in a class he couldn't leave right now.
I know I should maybe just call the auto club but I don't even know their number off by heart.
If I can't even deal with this, deal with a minor issue, how the hell was I going to be a mother! I didn't even know how to deal with my own issues.
I put my hands on my temples, trying to decide what to do. It was already stating to get dark out, me still standing on the main street in town, freezing.
There was someone who could logistically get here. Someone who had a car. A car that I had just 24 hours ago called a piece of crap.
A guy who I never had to worry about leaving class. He's definitely left before for reasons much less important than me being stranded with my car not drivable.
I sigh and then pull out my cellphone. I scroll down to his name. I didn't have to scroll much. He was already at the top of my contacts since he'd texted me only a few hours ago, reminding me to take my prenatals even though I never forgot them.
I click on his name, really not wanting to do this. But I knew he'd come. That was one thing I'd always known, one thing that had always comforted me for the past two years at CRU. That no matter how we felt about each other Cappie would definitely show up to be there for me. He was… he was like a safety net of sorts.
I feel the nervousness rising in my chest as the phone rings.
It only takes him two rings to pick up.
"Case?", his familiar voice makes my heart jump into my throat. "You okay? You don't usually call me".
He scoffs slightly.
"I know... I know we usually just like… see each other at the house or text if i have to tell you something about the… baby", I stutter slightly, the words feeling like they're rambling out of my mouth. "But um… I'm kind of stranded in town right now. You know how I told you I was seeing Ash for coffee at that cafe on main street?"
"Yeah?", I imagine him nodding.
"Well… I went to leave, to get in my car, and I have a flat tire", I groan. "And I obviously should know what to do in this situation, or I should, you know, call my brother or something but—"
"No, no", Cap interrupts. "You can call me anytime Case, seriously. I'll come get you now and we'll figure it out".
He sounds completely serious, not like his sometimes joking tone.
"Okay thanks", I find myself sighing of relief.
"Hey who would've thought your car would've had an issue before mine", He laughs. "See, I know you think she's a piece of shit, but she's served me well almost three years and counting now Case".
I can hear his smirk in voice and I roll my eyes even though he can't see me, but I'm laughing a bit too.
"Okay. Fine, I was wrong Cap, keep the car", I let out with a laugh, shivering as I breathe out, seeing my breath in the cold air.
"Okay", He laughs. "Hey it's freezing out, why don't you wait in the cafe until I get there?"
It's as if he can read my mind, as if he can tell I'm huddled up with my cardigan pulled around me trying to keep warm.
"Okay", I nod. "Thanks, that would be good".
I can't help the smile that makes its way across my face, feeling that butterfly like feeling I used to feel with him in freshman year. The butterfly feeling I was so scared to feel again that night we conceived this baby. Because of course I felt it, even if that night was strictly just supposed to be about mindless sex to forget about being betrayed by Evan.
"Okay cool, I'm just walking out the door to my car now", He tells me.
"Oh wait! Can you bring the number for the auto club?", I stop him. "We'll probably need it and… and I don't have it in my phone".
I cringe at myself.
Why the hell don't I have their number in my phone like a responsible adult would?
I guess it was because I was just a 20 year old girl who wasn't as mature or put together as I made out to be. A girl who probably has absolutely no business becoming a mother right now. Even if I was carrying this baby to term.
"Oh it's no problem, I know how to change a tire Case", He says nonchalantly, like I shouldn't have had a doubt in my mind that he'd be well versed in this stuff. "Do you have a spare?"
"Yeah I do, in my trunk. I just thought I'd have to call the auto club but… if you wanna do it…", I trail off.
"Yeah, I'm not bad with cars, I've certainly had to fix things on mine a time or two… basically every month actually", He jokes with me now, making me smile.
"Yeah", I let out a giggle, feeling like a giddy 18 year old again. "Well I'm going back inside the cafe now".
I feel my body start to warm up as I walk into the cafe again to go sit down and wait for him.
"Okay! I'll text you when I get there", He says.
"Okay, thanks Cap", I nod. "I didn't… I didn't pull you away from anything right? I don't want to bother you it's just—"
"No, you're not bothering me at all, I was just dealing with some pledge stuff at the house, nothing important", He interrupts me and seems to wave it off.
"Oh, okay good", I nod meekly.
"And Case?", He seems really serious now.
"Yeah?", I let out as my heart pounds
"You can always call me, you know that right?", he speaks intently. "You always could've, even the past year when we haven't been on the greatest terms, that doors always been open, ever since the night I met you Casey. Anytime of day, rain or shine, I'd come help you".
I feel my heart swell in my chest, not really expecting him to say this tonight.
"Yeah I know… I've always felt… safe here in Cyprus because of that", I feel like I'm being unexpectedly truthful here but he'd taken a break from our usual joking around and general annoyance of each other to be completely honest. So it's all I could really do in return. "I've always known you'd be there for me".
"Good", He seems a little surprised, and I picture him smiling right now. "I'm… I'm happy you feel that way, you have no idea. Well… uh, anyways…"
Cappie seems to veer away from this confession I've made, from this weirdly emotional moment between us through the phone. And I'm happy he does because number one, I wanted him to get here so we could go home, and number two… being vulnerable and open with him was hard time now.
"I'm gonna get pulled over or get in an accident if I keep talking on the phone in the car like this", He laughs slightly. "So I'll see you soon Case".
"Okay, thank you", I smile. "Bye Cap".
"Bye!"
We both hang up at the same time and now I'm just left sitting at the table me and Ash had been sat at.
Except now I can fully smile giddily to myself without her judgment, without her indicating that I'm still in love with Cappie. Because she already knew me well enough to know that I was. I just didn't want to pay attention to it, didn't want to admit it to anyone, not even myself.
But here alone like this, even with people in the cafe probably staring at me like I'm some lovestruck idiot, I can smile as big as I want to. I can actually let the giddiness I feel from merely one conversation with him show.
I find my hand travel down to my stomach as I sigh out deeply, my smile fading a bit now.
It wasn't just me and Cappie in this up and down relationship of ours anymore. It wasn't just me denying myself starting up a relationship with him again, denying myself being with someone I actually loved. Now I was denying this… this little person too. Denying them the opportunity to be born into a happy family, with two parents that were together, with two parents that wanted it.
Which made me sad because… I'm scared that the only way our baby will ever get that is if I give them up.
But I know if I gave the baby up I'd be giving up more than just the baby… I'd be giving up the opportunity to get back together with Cappie and work this out. The opportunity to try our relationship again but to actually do it right this time. Because I wasn't stupid enough to not notice the easy chemistry between us, the palpable tension, the way that the only person I've ever been able to have sex with and actually enjoy it was with him.
I was scared to lose all of that, the baby, him, the potential of a life together.
But I suppose I didn't have to decide just yet.
I move my hand away from my stomach and sigh, plopping my purse onto the table. I relax in the chair, trying not to think about some stupid picket fence life with me and Cap and our baby.
But… my mind proves too powerful. Because I spend the entire time waiting for him to get here daydreaming about it. I picture him holding our baby, the baby definitely being teeny tiny next to his large frame. I picture us getting our own place, finishing school together, him getting his shit together for us.
I sigh out, knowing it'll never happen.
Even if it was just a dream… it sure was a nice one.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading!! I'm sorry if this was sort of a filler chapter, but Cappie and Casey will interact a ton more in the next chapter! I just love Casey and Ashleigh's friendship and wanted to show that because I think it's realistic that Casey would be spending a lot of time with her.
Stay tuned for the next chapter!