It was just another night in Gotham when Selina dropped down into Crime Alley to see a small child taking the wheels off the Batmobile.

She smiled an evil smile and jumped down. "Want some help?" She asked.

"This is my haul." the kid said, holding up his tire iron.

"You can keep it. I just want to help."

"Fine, but it's my haul. I get any rations from whatever we get."

"Rations?"

"Yeah, rations. Ya know, food."

Selina felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. "What if we steal the wheels and then I buy you dinner."

The boy looked at her with untrusting eyes.

"No funny business."

"Fine." The boy blushed when his stomach growled.

Selina wondered how long the kid had gone without food, and helped, getting the Wheels off in record time and getting away moments before Batman dropped down into the alley.

"Alfred." He said into his com. "I need you to send me out the second Batmobile, along with four replacement tires."

"Tires sir?"

"Yes! Someone stole the wheels off the Batmobile!"

"Pardon sir, but it sounded like you said that someone stole the wheels off the Batmobile."

"I did! Now get me the tires!"

"Straight away sir." Alfred said with a chuckle.

Bruce began looking around for who might have stollen the Wheels off the Batmobile. When he found them, they were going to...

"Hey Bats." Selina Said as She slithered out of the shadows.

"What do you want Selina?"

"Is it too much to say that I wanted to check in on you?"

"Yes. You always have some ulterior motive."

Selina looked at the Batmobile. "You know that someone..."

"YES!" Batman snapped, his patience gone.

"What are you going to do? Call for a tow truck?"

"No! I called for a spare."

"You're going to need more than one spare Bats."

"I'm not in the mood Selina. When I find whoever did this, I'm going to make them regret taking them."

Selina realized that she couldn't let Bruce anywhere near the kid. He might kill him, and she wasn't going to let that happen. "Well, I suppose that I better get out of your cowl. Don't want to get caught in the backlash."

Bruce just nodded as she left, finding the kid where she'd left him. "Let's get you out of here." She spoke. "Don't wants Bats getting ahold of you, do we."

"I'm sure he doesn't hit that hard." The kid said.

Selina looked at the kid, really looked at him and noticed how much pain he was in. The way he held himself, the way he favored his right side, but was also hunched over and how he never really sat down all the way, as if he was waiting for someone to hurt him, but also had a much more sinister possibility, as if sitting caused him pain. "Who hurt you kid?" She asked.

"I have a name!" He snapped. "It's Jason!"

"Okay, okay." She placated. "Jason. Who hurt you?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because. They will never hurt you again if you do."

That got a flicker of hope in his eyes, but he quickly quelled that. "Why should I trust you."

"You shouldn't. Trust is earned, not given freely."

Jason looked her over to see if she was lying and couldn't see if she was, so he told her.

Bob MacTaggart A.K.A. Uncle Billy was a large, bald man who was known to have outrageous tastes, and disturbing ones. The last thing he was expecting that night was for Catwoman to cut his throat with her razor sharp claws.

"The next Time you want to hurt a kid, don't." She spoke. "But seeing as you'll be dead in a few seconds it won't matter anyway.

Bob fell to the floor and bled out from his neck not knowing which kid had squealed, but knowing he would never find out.

Selina ran back to where she'd left Jason.

"Is he dead?" Jason asked.

"He's dead." Selina Said. "Now. Let's get you to a hospital and get you some food."

Three years later

Batman and Robin were running across rooftops when they ran into a second pair running across rooftops.

"Catwoman." Batman Said.

"Bats." Selina said, running a hand across his arm and shoulders. "What are the odd of running into you here?"

"Well, since it's Gotham." Robin said. "High."

"Yeah." A kid said from reading a book, leaning against a chimney. "Imagine running into Batman and Robin in Gotham city. What are the chances?" the kid asked sarcastically.

"Please forgive him. He's snarky on the best of days."

"He also has a name." The kid said. "And an Alter Ego, and a hobby."

"What's Your Name?" Robin asked.

"Bandit." The Kid Said.

"He's my sidekick." Selina said.

"How could you lead a child down this path?" Batman asked.

"You're one to talk, old man." Bandit said.

Robin coughed trying to cover up a laugh.

"What!" Batman shouted.

Bandit threw a pellet and he and Catwoman jumped over the edge of the roof as the pellet exploded letting out the smell of skunk causing Batman and Robin to gag from the stench.

Catwoman laughed. "Okay kiddo, you get extra dessert for that."

"Really?" Bandit asked happily.

Selina smiled. Seeing Jason happy was one of the best things she could see.

Three years later

Red Robin and Spoiler we're running over the rooftops of Gotham when they were given instructions by Oracle.

"Bandit's back." She said over their comm's.

"Not Bandit!" Spoiler shouted.

"Yup. It's Bandit."

"I hate that guy." Red Robin said.

"That's not very nice." An annoying voice said, causing Red Robin to grit his teeth. "Talking about a friend behind their back."

"We aren't friends." Red Robin bit out.

"Oh. I thought we were. We're always playing together."

"I'm always trying to arrest you, you're always trying to get away."

"See. We're friends."

"You asked me if I was verified in the eyes of God!"

"You said that you were verified online." Jason shrugged.

"No, I didn't!"

"We were talking about being Verified online." Spoiler said. "Maybe that's what he's thinking of?"

"Not helping Spoiler!" Red Robin said.

"I'm bored." Bandit said. "Let's Play a Game. It's Called..."

"No!" Red Robin said. "We're not playing games, and we're not friends!"

"Then I guess you'll be wanting these back?" Bandit asked, holding up their utility belts."

"HEY!" Spoiler shouted. "Give those back!"

"Catch me if you can!" Bandit said, running around the roof.

Five years later.

Selina landed on a rooftop and walked to Bruce. "How do you deal with so many kids when I'm having trouble with one!" she demanded.

"I'm touched that you think I have the ability to deal with so many kids, but to be honest Alfred and Dick take up most of the work."

"He totally deserves a dad of the year award." Jason said In Catwoman's ear. "I'm just glad I was raised by you and not him. Probably would have died before my eighteenth birthday."

Selina felt a pang of sadness in her heart as if his words were trying to cut her heart out.

"Can you please tell Bandit to stop trying to seduce my kids?" Batman asked. "It's working."

"What?!" Selina asked. "How many has seduced?!"

"He's also Stolen one of each suit!" Batman changed the subject with the tact of a bull in a China shop.

"THAT BRAT!" Selina snapped. "WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TOGETHER?"

"It was supposed to be your Adoption Day Present." Jason said into her ear.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry."

"You can make it up to me by getting me a first edition signed copy of Sense and Sensibility."

"The one in the sealed Archive room at the Royal British museum?"

"That's the one."

"Did you Plan This?"

"Who's to say? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"Damn it." She turned to Bruce. "How do you handle your kids?"

"There isn't a rule book or anything if that's what you're asking."

"Damn it. See ya Bruce." Selina said, jumping off the roof.

Jason was on a rooftop when he heard Batman and Catwoman talking dirty to each other.

"Well, now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" Selina asked seductively.

"Oh. I've got some ideas." Bruce responded seductively.

"I'm going to be sick." Spoiler gagged.

"Your guy's comms are still on." Jason told Selina.

"Wait. You heard that too?" Spoiler asked. "How Are you not gagging at that?"

"Don't tell them Jason!" Selina said.

"What's in it for me? This isn't something that will hurt someone, just your pride."

"What do you want to keep this a secret?"

"I already have an extensive library of first edition classical literature, and I have my own little reading nook complete with fireplace and throws. Maybe some rugs or lights or maybe a mini bar."

"I will get you all of that if you keep this a secret!" Selina shouted into the comms.

"I will give you a million dollars to spill." Batman said.

"Do you really think that I need money?" Jason asked. "Granted it's not the one hundred billion dollars in your accounts, but it's enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if and when I get out of the thievery business."

"What do you want to talk?" Spoiler asked.

"You mean that I can't just steal?"

"Yes! Is it a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Lover?"

"Ew, gross. Why would I want one of those when I have books?" Jason asked. "Books are better than sex, I would know."

"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SPILL CARWOMAN'S SECRET!"

"A favor that I can call in at any time from each member of the Bat Family, eight in total."

"DEAL!" The eight members of the Bat Family Said, trying to get one over on Catwoman.

"I can call them in at any time, within reason of course?"

"YES!"

"Okay. Deal. I'll have my Lawyer draw up a contract, and as soon as everyone has signed, I will tell you the secret."

The Comms were filled with arguing voices.

Jason ignored the voices and went back to reading.

The day had come, the contract had been signed, and everyone was waiting with bated breath.

"Okay." Jason Said. "How many of you read Batman/Catwoman Fanfiction on AO3?"

"I do?" Stephanie asked.

"You might want to stop. Selina has tripled the amount of Batman/Catwoman Fanfiction on AO3, and if you don't want to read about our future parents doing things that no child should see their parents doing, then I suggest you stop."

"What! Why? How do you know that?"

"Who do you think Beta Reads for Selina before she posts?"

"Harley?"

"Yeah. We get together on Friday nights for girls night and Harley reads it out like a Drama to Selina, Ivy, and I while we do our hair, nails, and eat ice cream."

"Wait! You have Girls night with Harley, Ivy, and Selina!?"

"Yeah. Who else am I going to spend Friday Nights with?"

"INTERVENTION!" Steph shouted.

"Ah shit." Jason said, jumping out the window and to the next roof with the Bat Kids hot on his tail.

"So." Bruce Said. "Smutty Fanfiction?"

"Don't go there Bruce." Selina said, her face hot with embarrassment.

"Want to maybe reenact some of it?" Bruce asked seductively.

Selina's embarrassment turned to arousal, and she practically dragged Bruce to bed.

Six years later.

Catwoman and Batman stood at the Alter and had just kissed when the door exploded and all of Batman's rogues came crashing in.

"Why weren't we invited, Bats!" Joker demanded. "I'm your best friend, which means I should have been your best man!"

Batman, Catwoman, A butler wearing a domino mask, Jim Gordon, a dark skinned man wearing a domin mask, Wonder Woman, Superman, Harley, Ivy, Helena, Batwoman, Montoya, Batwing, Barbara Gordon, Nightwing, Bandit, Red Robin, Spoiler, Blue Jay, Black Bat, Signal, A kid wearing a domino mask, and Robin readied themselves for battle. The battle for the Honeymoon had just started, and the Bat family needed to get the newlyweds to their honeymoon safely in order to win.

Jason pulled on a rebreather and threw a stink pellet, starting the battle.

Notes:

I am sorry to say that this fic will not be updated regularly. If you have an idea you would like to see, please let me know and I will try and get to it, so long as I have enough information to work with. Chapter lengths will vary, some will be this length, others will be shorter than this, others will be longer than this, and some may have more than one chapter, but spread out throughout the fic. I hope you enjoy this fic as it's just a way to write some ideas that refuse to leave me alone until I write them, but don't have enough material for full length Fics.