Chapter 14: JADE 100 years later

Summary:

Jason and Weiss have a conversation after Jason gets back from the My Anti-Hero Accademia Universe.

Name: Weiss Schnee

Age:122

A very pregnant Weiss Schnee was sitting in her office, working, when she suddenly felt a pressure in her skull that meant that Jason had been hit in the head.

Focusing on the sensation, she realized that he'd been shot. Not sure why, she continued feeling the sensation and realized something very important... Jason had shot himself in the head, likely showing off again.

"Typical." She snipped.

"JASON PETER TODD! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE, BT GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT THIS SECOND OR NO SEX FOR A MONTH!"

Jason appeared out of her shadow and looked at her before kissing her forehead and rubbing her pregnant stomach.

Leaning into the intimacy, she almost forgot why she had called him. "Oh no." She said, pushing his hand away. "You aren't going to get off that easily. Now, tell me why you shot yourself in the fucking head like a teenager being a fucking idiot."

"It's going to sound really weird, but I will tell you."

"Get to it Mister." She said, giving him her patented Ice Queen glare that froze armies in place.

"So, I was dropping Isolde and Kalda off at school, and I was on my way home with lunch when I was pulled through my shadow and into a hospital room."

"Okay, did someone need help?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"It was another version of me."

"Like a clone?"

"No, no. It was literally another version of me on a planet called Earth and, in a country, called Japan, the people there look like they are from Menagerie."

"Okay? So, what happened?"

"First thing I did was spread my shadow across the world, took out all the traffickers and killed them in horrifying and grotesque ways that will leave people finding pieces of pieces for who knows how long."

"Okay. What did you do with the ones who were trafficked?"

"I put them in places that they would be taken care of, hospitals and places like that. I killed about a tenth of the population I think."

"Damn it, Jason. Don't you remember what happened last time you killed a tenth of the population?"

"Yes, but I also don't really care since it's not our world and they should give me a fucking medal for doing that."

Weiss sighed, counted to ten, rubbed her stomach, and used her shadow arms to grab Jason by his scrotum. "You aren't going to do that again, are you? And if I even think that you're lying, I'll crush your testicles."

"Yeah." Jason wheezed. "I'll think twice before doing that again."

"Good. Now, continue."

"Can you let go of my testicles first?" Jason wheezed.

Weiss gave them one last squeeze before letting him go. "Continue."

"Thanks babe, love you too."

"Thank you." Weiss said. "Continue."

"I had some interesting conversations with some people, there's a dude just chilling in their sun, there's a so-called immortal who's evil as fuck, there's a talking stout? I think. Like I don't know if it's a stout or not, but it's not a Faunus or a human, it's a literal talking animal, then I had a talk with myself."

"Interesting. So, why did you kill ten percent of the planet and not the super evil immortal?"

"Well, I was going to, but then you called me back, and I couldn't."

"Then next time you are talking to a super evil immortal, I give you permission to ignore me and kill them before coming back, just let me know first."

"Okay, anyways, I almost killed him, had an interesting talk with the stout, and told my other self how to have sex."

"That's the parent's job, Jason." Weiss wiped her eyes with her hand. "Why did you even do that?"

"He was sixteen and hadn't had sex before and wanted to give him an intro into sex."

"What did you say?" Weiss sighed.

"I told him that there were three holes."

"Jason!" Weiss snapped. "Brothers above, you're one hundred and twenty-one years old until month, can't you act your age?"

"Would you love me more if I did?"

"No, but I'd have fewer wrinkles if you did."

"You are perfection incarnate. I would love you if you were a wrinkly old bag. You are carved from stone, the artists of old could make a statue of you and the statue would pale in comparison to your perfection."

"You're just trying to get laid, aren't you?"

"Well, if you're going to deny me sex for a month, I'd at least like one final fuck before it disappears for a month."

"I'm not going to deny you sex for a month. I'd be asking you to satisfy me after an hour. Being pregnant is hard."

"I know. You really need a massage; your back is killing me."

"Would you give me a massage after work tonight?"

"I'll give you a massage right now." Jason waggled his eyebrows at her.

"No!" Weiss pushed herself away from the desk. "Jason! I'm working! Go home!"

"We are home. You're working from home today, remember?"

"Damnit! Jason! NO! Back off! I have work to do!"

"It's lunch time, more than enough time to get in a quick massage, and besides..." Jason created a shadow clone of Weiss.

"Damn it." Weiss bowed her head, her cheeks flushed. "There are some days that I really hate your Semblance."

"I know." Jason said, picking Weiss up, kissing her on the top of her head and her forehead, and kicking her chair over to the clone of her before taking Weiss to their bedroom.

"Damn it, Jason." Weiss whined. "Fine, but you have to do the thing I like."

"Yes ma'am." Jason growled in his throat, kicking the door closed.

The kids who were home headed outside to do anything else. When their parents started talking like that, they knew it wasn't worth the therapy to stay in the house.

An hour later, Jason carried Weiss back to her office and sat down on the couch. "So. After I talked to the kid, I gave him my permission to summon me whenever so long as it wasn't one of our anniversaries and told him that if he did summon me on one of our anniversaries, then I'd kill him... at least, I think I did. So, I might be getting pulled into another world from time to time."

"Okay." Weiss said. "But how will he know about our anniversaries?"

"I guess I should get him a calendar watch, so he knows not to take me on either of our anniversaries or other special dates, like the kids birthdays, or your birthday..."

"And your birthday." Weiss added.

"...Or my birthday, or other special days."

"Good. See that you do that."

Jason pulled a box from his shadow and added the dates and made sure that they were reoccurring every year. "I'll give this to the other me when I see him again."

"Good. anything else?"

"Not unless you can think of anything."

"What's for dinner tonight?"

"Not sure, let me check." He said before looking at her. "Cliff says that we're having cheddar and broccoli soup, salad, schnitzel Parmesan, paired with an excellent bottle of white grape juice to keep you regular and a lovely ice cream bowl for dessert." Jason said in his best impression of Cliff.

"Thank you." Weiss sniffed. "Tell Cliff I appreciate his consideration."

"He says that you're welcome, Mistress Schnee." Jason said.

"Now, shoo, let me work."

Jason walked over to Weiss, kissed her head, rubbed her stomach, and left to find something to keep himself occupied until dinner.

Weiss smiled and got back to work, rubbing her stomach where her and Jason's children grew inside her. It reminded her of worse days, but they were older, happier, those days were long behind them, and she smiled as she continued her work.