just like a blue gem shining

By: Aviantei

Part One:

"The Place that You're Headed to"

The place that you're headed to
The place that I'm headed to
There's no reason for it to be different

—"Attract Light," *Luna feat Yuaru

Rairi has woken up here before, and it feels like as much of a dream as the last time. They know for certain that they fell asleep on their bed, in the home they had for years—and then, boom, waking up on the ground, aches coursing through their limbs, feeling disoriented as somewhere in the distance voices chatter in Japanese, though the meanings register in their brain with no issues.

This is just rude, subconscious.

They have not lived a life without regrets. The years after they first got spun out of their place in time are filled with them. The losses all built up into a cluster of pain inside their heart that may have faded over the years, but won't ever disappear in its entirety. Rairi's lost track of all the times that they've thought maybe things would have turned out better if they'd known what they were getting into, if they'd ever picked up a damn manga volume and saw what was coming so they could have prevented it, could have kept Shimizu and Kaigaku and Sensei safe.

So dreaming that they're back at the start is beyond rude, just like every other time they've visited those days in their sleep, and, as Rairi pulls themself up, they consider finding the nearest cliff and launching themself off it just to get it over with.

Standing sends muffled protests throughout their muscles, though their body is younger than it was before they went to sleep. Not on the par of Total Concentration: Constant, no, but the pieces are more supple than the years have made them, and Rairi marvels at the sensation of having two feet underneath them again instead of just one. Despite years of peace, their hip feels far too empty without a sword.

Like the first time, they bite the inside of their cheek, just to play along with the illusion for a little bit, and they're rewarded with a sting of pain so vivid that there's no doubt about what's happening.

"Are you fucking kidding me, universe?! Once wasn't enough for you?!"

Their voice comes out enraged, but, inside, they're already clinging to the possibility of hope.

If this is a time loop—if this is honest to god a fucking time loop—that means the Butterfly Effect is a valid possibility. Unlike the first time Rairi landed here (Holy fuck, the first time I time traveled or whatever? Who just says that?), Rairi is no longer clueless. They understand the world they are in, understand the rules, understand the people. They understand that, unless they do something different than before, they'll end up at the same outcome, with Shimizu dying, with Sensei's head falling from the swing of their sword, with Kaigaku's body disintegrating beneath them, with so much left unsaid and unfulfilled between all three students and successors of Kuwajima Jigorō.

The memories of that moment are so vivid that Rairi has to stop their determined march through the streets because the tears just won't stop falling.

Once they recover themself, though, there's no stopping them. Rairi knows the path home like the back of their hand, and the house looks the same as ever, the taste of wisteria incense leaving a bitter tang across their tongue. When Rairi reaches the door, Kimiko answers, and the woman gives Rairi's street rat appearance a hesitant glance.

"I'd like to speak with Sen—" Rairi swallows the title that doesn't make sense in the mouth of someone who's never been to this house in this timeline before "—with Kuwajima Jigorō-dono please." When Kimiko hesitates, Rairi steels their expression and adds, "It's urgent." The look is more than enough to get results, which is great, because Rairi would have stormed the place otherwise.

The memories are rough, when it comes to the information that Shimizu chronicled for them, and Rairi alone probably can't rearrange canon so that there are miraculously no sacrifices. But Rairi can be there for Kaigaku in a way they weren't before, Rairi can help Zenitsu as well, and maybe together they can prevent at least some of the tragedy in their lives.

It's not a guarantee, but at least this way there will be a chance.

Whenever Sensei makes his way to the entrance where Rairi stands waiting for him, they almost break out into tears all over again, but they hold it back. There will be time for that later. For now, they have a task to take care of, and Rairi drops down into a complete perpendicular bow and begs:

"Please let me be your apprentice."

This is earlier than last time by at least a month. Kaigaku and Zenitsu aren't here yet—but they will be, if everything goes well. Tragedies like what happened to the Kamado family aren't something Rairi can change—they may know where to go, but being able to stop Kibutsuji Muzan if they were there is an impossibility—but they can protect this place.

Time loop or not, this place is their home.

Rairi doesn't dare budge, just waits it out with Sensei's eyes (oh god they never thought they'd have the chance to be under his gaze again, but it's happening) boring holes into the back of their head.

"Very well, Child," Sensei says, and his peg leg clunks against the floor as he turns around. "Let's get some lunch in you, and then we'll get started."

For all the skill that Rairi acquired with a blade the last time, they still need the training. Their brain knows what to do, but this body does not. Their hands bust open into blisters after gripping a bokuto (too light, it feels too light, even as their arms ache) for too long. Their muscles are far too underdeveloped, even with Total Concentration to bolster them. And Total Concentration: Constant? Rairi's lucky if they can maintain their breathing for more than a minute before their everything gives up.

At least they can still pull off the Thunder Breathing forms, even if they're sloppy and stiff. It's been so long since Rairi's needed to utilize them in their full capacity that they forgot how good unleashing a technique feels, the adrenaline and excitement making every bit of exhaustion worth it. Sensei maintains his usual gruff taskmaster expression, but there's a pride welling in those eyes that Rairi revels in.

When they're not practicing, they're running over possible approaches, counting down the days until Kaigaku arrives—assuming that the timeline is still heading in the same rough direction. For all Rairi knows, someone else is time looping, just like they weren't alone before, and the thought of Shimizu sends a longing ache and a keening howl of pain through their chest.

This time, it will be different.

This time, it's a late autumn day, the sky clear as Rairi works on hanging up the laundry. Even with a few months to get used to it, the load feels too small, the home feels like not enough people are inhabiting the walls. Rairi wonders how Zenitsu could stand it last time, whenever they and Kaigaku had both left, and it was just Zenitsu and Sensei—how Sensei could stand it, when they were all gone and moved on to the ranks of the Demon Slayer Corps, considering that he didn't take another student afterwards.

"Put that down for a moment, Child," Sensei's voice calls, and Rairi behaves, dropping the damp jinbei they were about to hang up back into the basket. Events like this are rare, but worth the attention they deserve. "You need to meet your new kōhai."

This time, it's a late autumn day when Kaigaku arrives. Rairi's memories of the winter afternoon they first met are vague, but the impression of that time still lingers. Kaigaku was scrappy from the streets and had two settings: sullen or worked up over training. Rairi's a little bit concerned that things aren't the exact same as before—but doesn't that mean that they have more time to change things, to help Kaigaku receive the care he doesn't yet realize he needs?

This time, it will be different, Rairi vows, solidifying their plans as they walk over to the porch where Sensei is standing with his newest charge at his side.

And then Kaigaku looks up, those turquoise eyes (human, still human, no black sclera, no kanji muddling their color) flashing once before he bursts into tears at the sight of Rairi, and every little plan they've been calculating flies straight out the window.

Kaigaku has woken up here before, and he does so this time with a feeling of utter confusion for various reasons—not even the least of which is the fact that he's waking up. It shouldn't be possible, he shouldn't even be able to dream at this point, and the last thing he remembers is a riverbank filled with flowers and brightness, and Sensei's words: Are you going to do the work to be worthy of that forgiveness?

You've done enough, my boy.

A shuddering breath escapes him, and Kaigaku blinks the sunshine out of his eyes, just then processing that he's underneath sunlight and he's not dying. He stretches out his arms, stares at his hands—which are human again. No claws, just rough calluses across his palms and dirt under the nails, skin a malnourished tint but no longer a drained out white tone. The frayed sleeves of a dark-colored kimono hang by his wrists, not the Demon Slayer Corps uniform he continued to wear despite becoming a demon himself. He sits up in a rush, and his magatama bounces against his Adam's apple—the pendant on a cord that must've broken whenever Zenitsu's Honoikazuchi no Kami severed his head from his neck. Feeling like they're no longer connected to his body, his hands grasp for the accessory, and the smooth texture presses against his palm before he fumbles with the cord, unwrapping it from his neck and pulling it out into the light where he can see it.

The magatama is still gold.

Kaigaku doubles over on himself and laughs, though the sound is more of a wheeze than anything else thanks to his parched throat. It would turn into a sob if he didn't know where he was. Kaigaku has woken up here before, and any sign of weakness from him would paint a target on his back. This is the slums, and no one will take pity on him, so Kaigaku needs to be strong—but only for long enough to make it back to where he belongs, to make it back home.

She let me know that reincarnation exists in this world! So, please, if that's true—next time, please give me a second chance!

"A second chance…" he mutters, squeezing his magatama as if that will make the memories of Rairi's sobbing voice any less painful. It doesn't, but—

If this is a second chance, Kaigaku knows that he's the one that needs to change. This isn't far back enough that he could rectify the choice he made at the temple, and that weight will always press down on his soul, but at least this time he can make what happens after different. Not be such an asshole to Zenitsu. Open himself up to Rairi. Accept that the three of them will be Sensei's successors without a fuss. And, if he crosses paths with Kokushibō again—

(If you were in that position again, would you do the same thing?)

"I refuse," he says, the spoken words bolstering his confidence. He knows that turning down that offer would mean death, but he'd rather that than make Rairi need to choose between their care for him or vengeance for Shimizu, rather that than make Rairi decapitate Sensei as his second, rather that than make Zenitsu have to step up and kill his own senpai.

This time, things will be different.

And Kaigaku begins to plan his return home.

Last time, Kaigaku met Sensei by what seemed like a thread of fate disguised as chance. This time, Kaigaku manages to find Kuwajima Jigorō by crossing paths with him in the town close to what was once his home. It's autumn, so Rairi must already be under his tutelage, and Kaigaku almost trips as he races over to a different time's copy of the man he drove to seppuku, of the man that Rairi stood at his side and swung their blade to end his suffering because of Kaigaku's mistakes.

Of the man he once felt too scared to admit he thought of as a father.

Maybe it would be better to let it go, to never join the Demon Slayers, to never entangle himself in these peoples' lives, but the thought of never being able to see Rairi or Sensei and maybe even Zenitsu again is too painful, and Kaigaku is nothing but if not selfish.

So he stands before Kuwajima Jigorō and bows the lowest he ever has, even lower than that night on a dusty road, and pleads:

"Please let me be your apprentice."

Kuwajima gives Kaigaku an appraising glance, that same soul-searing gaze as the last time, and Kaigaku prays that what he's done isn't enough for Kuwajima to dismiss him, to never trust this traitorous boy with a sword.

"Come along," Kuwajima—Sensei says, gesturing for Kaigaku to follow as the old man ambles down the street as if this is how he always picks up new students. "I have a feeling you'll get along with the other one."

Rairi is there, as stunning as ever, and it doesn't even matter that they were in the middle of laundry and there's a mark of dried soap suds on the side of their haori and bits of their braid are sticking out in frazzled split ends. It's Rairi, not worn down from the battle of Infinity Castle, not carrying the weight of knowing they'll be fighting one of their beloved kōhai to the death. And when they see Kaigaku they smile, and the tears erupt from his eyes without any warning, and, despite his best efforts, he can't stop.

It's safe now, safe to let out his pain and sadness, and with the stopper taken off, there's no way to fit it back on. Rairi panics and sets to fussing over him in the same way they once fussed about Zenitsu, and Sensei says something about leaving Rairi to finish the laundry and then show Kaigaku around—and all Kaigaku can do is nod whenever Rairi asks if it's okay to touch him, to hug him, and Kaigaku finds himself with his face pressed into Rairi's shoulder, his blurry vision only able to see the familiar lilac and white triangles of their haori.

"You must have had it rough," Rairi says, their hands running comforting circles across Kaigaku's back, their voice so soothing that it feels like he's home, though this Rairi is not his—not that they ever were, but not from his last time—is pretty much a stranger. "Don't worry. If you ever need anything, I'm here to help. If you live here, we're family, Kaigaku. And I know…that you'll be strong enough to handle whatever comes your way."

Somewhere in the middle of it all, Kaigaku manages to find his voice, not giving a damn about how watery it is. Kaigaku no longer has the right to judge Zenitsu when he shows up, screaming and bawling and all. "You think so?"

"I know so." If the two of them didn't have their chests pressed together in an embrace, Kaigaku would have never caught the moment that Rairi's lungs hitch for just a second, their serene breathing interrupted. But it's gone in a flash, and they continue, "Sensei would have never brought you here if you couldn't."

Kaigaku doesn't cry much after that. Sometimes, when it's late at night and he can't sleep, it hits him, but for the most part he's dedicated to trying to be better than he was before. Rather than pestering Rairi at every moment of the day for spars, he asks if they can practice together. His body has a lot of catching up to do with his brain, all the more so since the Blood Demon Art he'd wielded no longer can pulse out of his body at the slightest will. He's back to being human, which is fine, back to being a physically a novice, which is less fine, and back to getting his ass kicked by Rairi, which is, well—

He'll stay second best to Rairi for the rest of his goddamn life if it means that they all can preserve some semblance of happiness.

This time, he accepts the matching cobalt haori that Sensei gets for him, and the way Rairi's eyes light up when they see him in it is beyond worth it.

This time, Kaigaku talks about what happened before, about his past, and Rairi reassures him that he was a child, accepts him regardless of how awful it was.

This time, Sensei comes home with Zenitsu—hair still black but his expression nowhere near as panicked as it was in the past—right before winter kicks in, and Kaigaku knows this is where he either makes or breaks it, where he proves if he's capable of being worthy of that forgiveness that Rairi gave him.

This time, things will be different.

Zenitsu has woken up here before, and it's just as uncomfortable as ever. There's a sorry excuse for a door on the place—which is nice for letting a breeze in during summer, but awful the instant the chill sets in, and forget about privacy. The blankets have holes and stains, the ground is lumpy, and Zenitsu spent what felt like an infinite amount of hours here crying over how there was no way he could survive on his own, after everyone else gave up on him, after his own parents abandoned him. He has to say, it's the most detailed dream he's had in a long while, and, when he sits up, even his bangs are a dark black again, though the blonde never went away until he was old enough to start turning gray.

His stomach rumbles from hunger. Back then, the others took pity on him, or whatever girl was trying to take advantage of him would at least keep him fed so long as he picked up their dirty work—which he did with glee, thinking he was bound to get married soon. If it weren't for Rairi, how long would he have kept that behavior up? It's just another one of the tens, hundreds, thousands of reasons to be thankful to them for.

Without even thinking about it, his thumb strokes over the base of his left-hand ring finger, but there's nothing there, not even the tan lines that he knows are pressed into his skin, even in his old age.

Based on the sounds of the world—on the way people talk, on the pulse of nature and wildlife—it's late autumn, early winter in…? It takes a bit, but soon he hears the year, and a wry smile falls on his lips. Funny, how much can change in six months, where one day he was chasing after a girl he thought was the love of his life, the next he was in debt and Sensei arrived to pull him out. Maybe, now, at the end of his days, he's dreaming of the past, pieces of his life slipping away.

If we get reborn into the same time and place, we need to try and find each other, Zenitsu. Not just you and me, but everyone, okay? Promise me.

"Reborn…?"

Given that Rairi was from another world altogether—one where this world was nothing but a work of fiction—it's not the strangest thing that Zenitsu's ever heard of. And, like Rairi said, once you have a magic sword and you start fighting demons, the idea of what's possible kind of expands. It's just that, whenever Rairi talked about it, they made it sound like it would be a clean slate, living in the future, maybe without memories, but if there's the slightest possibility that this isn't a dream, that this is that opportunity…

Before he even began to pick up Thunder Breathing, Zenitsu knew how to run, and he peels out of the shack with such ferocity that he leaves a cloud of dust in his wake.

Determination set, Zenitsu doesn't once look back.

There's a world of difference between his introduction to Kuwajima Jigorō this time and last time. Zenitsu never gets involved with the girl who put him into debt—funny, how he can remember her face, but not her name, assuming that he even did bother to learn it in the first place—and instead approaches Kuwajima with his head held high, his back straight, and, with all the confidence he's gained across the decades, asks:

"Please make me your apprentice."

Zenitsu knows that the rest of his friends are out there, but Rairi is the priority. And if this is like before, Rairi will already be with Jī-chan, which means Aniki will be there, too, and maybe, this time—

No, no maybes. This time will be different.

"Another one, huh?" Jī-chan says, and Zenitsu has managed to get a decent handle on his crying over the years, but the fact that Jī-chan is standing there, alive and still there to teach, is almost enough to make him break, though he holds it in for now. "It's not like you don't have the potential for it. I'll take you on, Boy, but don't expect it to be easy."

Jī-chan is still Jī-chan, home is still home, and Rairi, once more restored to all their vibrant youth versus the aged beauty Zenitsu has grown old with and will always adore, is still Rairi, though they seem to smile more easy than Zenitsu remembers them doing back in the early days. Kaigaku, though—Kaigaku looks and sounds almost like another person. Gone is the ever-present scowl, and a cobalt haori that matches the others' is over his usual black kimono. Zenitsu can't help but wonder if he's getting a glimpse at what Kaigaku was like before Zenitsu showed up or if it's one of those—Rairi had said something about diverging timelines, where little details are different even if the core is the same?

Whatever the reason, even if the others don't remember, Zenitsu's fulfilled his promise. He's here with Rairi and Kaigaku and Jī-chan again, and things don't have to be like they were before. This time, they'll face things together, like they should have. This time, so far as Zenitsu can help it, they'll do Jī-chan and the Thunder Breathing he taught them all proud.

The awkward part is pretending that he's putting in an honest effort to learn the second through sixth forms, though he knows it's in his best interest to focus on the first. Even after the disbandment of the Demon Slayer Corps, he and Rairi still worked to pass down the Thunder Breathing sword style, albeit in a form that wasn't optimized for combat. And though Zenitsu did manage to get the others in time, the fact remains that his execution is far less combat ready than he'd want to admit—though Rairi always complained that they couldn't ever make the Seventh look as good as him. But Zenitsu doesn't run from training and puts on a good show, still often sneaking off to getting his new but also old body back in shape with multiple executions of Hekireki Issen when he can. The faster he can get back to his former level of strength, the more time he has to grow and be useful when the final clash against Kibutsuji Muzan arrives, the more time he has to prepare for every rough and devastating battle that will come before that.

Jī-chan is as harsh at training as ever, but Zenitsu can tell he's impressed by the rapid progress they're all making.

Kaigaku is still brash and confident in his own growing skill, but nowhere near as abrasive as before. Zenitsu can hear whenever he sneaks out at night for some extra practice in his desire to keep improving.

Rairi cheers them both on, as reliable as a senpai as ever. Zenitsu can hear whenever they sneak out at night for some extra practice to uphold their pride as a senpai.

Together, spurring each other on, they all improve their skills as the students of Kuwajima Jigorō.

This time is already so different, and Zenitsu hopes that it's a good thing.

It's not to say that Rairi isn't grateful to have a less arrogant Kaigaku and a more confident Zenitsu right out the gate, but they also can't help but wonder what sort of practical joke the universe is setting them up for. Spring is sinking into the world, but everyone's already here—and they're all moving through mastery (or, in Rairi's case, remastery) of the basics of Total Concentration and Thunder Breathing at an incredible rate.

Is it because I'm pretty much cheating, and it encourages the others to pick up the pace or something? I mean, Kaigaku's competitive af, so that makes sense, and I did mention to Zenitsu that maybe he should work to develop his Hekireki Issen further, so that checks out, too. Is the Butterfly Effect that powerful?

They can't think about it for too long, or they're just going to get stuck. Letting the boys get stronger while seeing each other as friendly rivals is much more preferable to what happened last time. Seeing them smile warms Rairi's heart while, sometimes, also making them miss the Zenitsu they lived the rest of their life with, the Zenitsu who became their husband.

Some days, they reach for their wedding ring on their finger, for the magatama at their neck that was tucked in their sleeve after Kaigaku was gone before they remember the accessories are no longer there.

What matters is the now, Rairi tells themself, picking up their sword to head to the clearing in the orchard for some extra training. So focus on that.

Kaigaku has mixed feelings about this time's Zenitsu not being a total crybaby. Sure, he tears up every now and then, but it's a far cry from how he was before. On one hand, it's a total relief to see him living up to his potential for once. On the other hand, it makes it hard to tell if Kaigaku has improved at anger management any, or if he's just not so pissy all the time because Zenitsu isn't doing anything that would set him off.

If nothing else, this time, Kaigaku opens himself up to his friendship. It's not perfect—filled with awkward moments, ones that get worse whenever Kaigaku remembers everything that he did—but it's a far cry from before, and that's what matters.

Rairi smiles, and that's what matters.

Still, Kaigaku knows that he needs to be strong if he wants this all to last. Defeating an Upper Moon of the Twelve Kizuki was so far out of his reach last time that the choice didn't feel like a choice at all—and while Kaigaku would choose death in that situation this time, he would rather that he doesn't have to, so he can continue to live with the people he cares about. So he gets up on their supposed to be day off and picks up his sword, determined to get in some practice in the orchard before breakfast.

The fruits aren't in season, so the place doesn't smell like peaches, but there's still that aroma of trees and dirt that Kaigaku finds soothing now that he's learned how to relax a little. Even if he still can't get down Hekireki Issen, there's plenty else he can learn and refine, to maybe turn into a more powerful technique like Zenitsu ultimately managed to do.

Of course, Kaigaku isn't expecting Zenitsu himself to already be in the spot he planned to use for practice. Nor is he expecting the positioning of Zenitsu's stance, already looking as steadfast as he did back in Infinity Castle as Zenitsu grips his sword and breathes.

"Kaminari no Kokyū—Shichi no Kata:

"Honoikazuchi no Kami."

The technique is nowhere near in the state that it was in that battle. Zenitsu's footing isn't as sure, and he missteps before he can even swing his sword, and he moans out a curse. But none of that makes any difference to Kaigaku, who's recalling the swift cut that severed his head from his neck, who presses his hand against his pulse to ensure that he's still in one piece, while his stunned brain tries to make sense of what he just saw, because if Zenitsu is developing that technique, then—

"Zenitsu!"

Rairi bursts out the trees at a full-on tilt and tackles Zenitsu, the force of their hug sending both of them spilling to the ground while Zenitsu tries to not impale either of them on his sword. It seems that all of them had the same idea to sneak in some extra practice at the same place, but that's nowhere near as much of a coincidence as the words spilling out of Rairi's mouth:

"If you—that technique—you—you're…!" They suck in a breath, bringing their fragmented sentence to a halt before starting over. "Zenitsu, you're here, too! You remember—!"

"Huh? Rai—um, Senpai, you, too?!"

"If you're you, then you already know you don't have to call me 'Senpai' anymore!"

And that's enough for Kaigaku to throw all caution to the wind. This time, he and Rairi have developed a steady relationship around each other, one that makes it okay for him to hug them without warning, though if this Rairi is his—from his time, maybe that will change soon. But Kaigaku will deal with that when the time comes; for now, he catches Rairi from behind and squeezes hard so he can burn the sensation into his memory if this is the last opportunity he'll have to experience it. Rairi yelps but doesn't push him away, and Kaigaku just buries his face in their shoulder again, hot tears soaking through their haori just like the first day he saw them again in this time.

"Rairi-senpai… Zenitsu… I'm sorry."

It's the apology that he never thought he'd be able to give, and the simple words don't feel like anywhere near enough, but it's what he has to offer in this moment he never expected to have. Zenitsu, still halfway sprawled on the ground, stares up at him with wide eyes, his jaw dropping open. "Aniki, you're…!"

"Kaigaku!"

Rairi squirms in his grip, and Kaigaku loosens his hold to give them back their personal space—just for Rairi to use the leeway to spin around and hug him with every ounce of desperation they had at the end, before his body fell apart into nothing. They don't hate me, he realizes all over again. They were serious about wanting a second chance.

Somewhere in the middle of all the commotion, the three of them are crying, and Kaigaku realizes that, all the way back then, when he thought meeting Kuwajima Jigorō was fate, he was wrong. This—this is fate, a miracle that shouldn't even be possible, all three of them brought back to a place where they can stand together, in a future that Kaigaku once thought that he completely destroyed.

"I'm—" Rairi chokes on their own words, pulling back from the hug but their hands still lingering on Kaigaku's shoulders, as if they don't want to let go for fear of him disappearing all over again. "I'm so glad you're here, I thought—fuck, you're here, both of you, I—" They dip their head, collecting themself together. "Kaigaku, I'm sorry, I should have done better last time. I mean, yeah, I'm trying now, but that doesn't mean I couldn't have done better, I could have helped you, and I—" They swallow, and Zenitsu has sat up at some point, his hand on Rairi's back. "God, please let me make it up to you."

It's a familiar scene in the worst way: Rairi and Zenitsu, side by side, with Kaigaku sitting in opposition. There are hundreds of things Kaigaku could say to Rairi's request—and many of them are scathing remarks about how the hell they think they need to make it up to him when Kaigaku's the one who fucked them all over. He should be down, hands and forehead pressed to the grass, begging for forgiveness from both of them for how he ripped their worlds apart. And the time for those words will come to pass, but right now Kaigaku just has the mind to speak the one thing he regrets not saying the most out of everything:

"Can I kiss you right now?"

Rairi's head shoots up, eyes wide and face burning a bright red—and, yup, that's just as adorable and satisfying as he thought it would be. Even if they say no, it would be well worth it just for the opportunity to see that expression on them. Rairi chokes out a few incomplete syllables, and Zenitsu has a similar reaction, though he recovers enough to say, "Did you just ask my spouse to kiss you in front of me? Is that what's happening here?"

By now, Kaigaku is far too familiar with Zenitsu's newfound ability to give lip—if he's from the same time, then Rairi must've rubbed off on him—but the content of what he's saying makes Kaigaku's nose scrunch up regardless. "You two got married?" And, yeah, that makes some sense. He ate Shimizu, after all, and then Zenitsu killed him, so those two options were out. At least this way you know who they married instead of it being some random stranger, says a voice in his head that is not helping matters. Zenitsu may have been annoying, but he would have treated them right.

Rairi nods, their face still burning with embarrassment—you know, that Kaigaku made happen—and glances between the two of them. One of their hands moves towards their neck, though their fingers close over nothing—and their hand falls to their side in something like guilt. "Listen, um," they say, and it's such a novelty to see Rairi look so uncertain. "We should talk about this. Because I…" They reach out, one hand grasping onto Zenitsu's, the other's fingers curling around Kaigaku's in what seems like a blistering point of heat. "I understand if the two of you are uncomfortable with the idea. And I'll respect whatever decision you make. But I don't think I can bear to have to…choose between the people I care about…"

Their voice peters out, and Rairi stares down at the grass, far beyond embarrassed at what they just asked. Kaigaku's at the point where he'd do whatever Rairi told him if they just said the damn word—but he knows that's not what they want. Rairi wants to make him happy, wants him to be comfortable with the result. So he thinks about it. Before, the idea of sharing Rairi—hell, sharing anything with Zenitsu would have been unacceptable, because Kaigaku thought that somehow meant he'd lost out. But if Rairi and Zenitsu were together for a long time, and Rairi still wants him, then that just proves that they have more than enough love to give. And, to be honest, knowing Zenitsu is there is a relief, because Zenitsu will undoubtedly never let Kaigaku get away with hurting Rairi like he did before ever again.

Kaigaku and Zenitsu lock eyes, and Kaigaku tries to convey that he won't get in the way if he's not part of the equation, because letting Rairi be happy is always going to be the priority (but gods above, he hopes he's part of the equation, because Kaigaku knows that he's never wanted anything so much before, and—).

Zenitsu lets out a little breath, his golden honey gaze slipping onto Rairi, and his expression softens. He lifts his free hand to their cheek, turns them to face him. "Rairi," he says before dropping a quick kiss onto their forehead, and Rairi smiles back at him with unconditional love so beautiful that even Kaigaku can recognize it from the sidelines. "I know better than anyone else how much it hurt you to lose him. I know how much you regretted it." In Kaigaku's palm, Rairi's fingers grip onto his all the tighter. "I won't make you miss out on this again. Just stay with me, too, okay, love?"

Rairi bumps their forehead into Zenitsu's with a little laugh. "Of course," they say, snickering. "Maybe we should've written different vows, sweetie. The whole 'until death' thing hasn't aged well." Zenitsu splutters, and Rairi drops a quick kiss on his lips before pulling back, the grin stretching over their face. If Kaigaku saw something like this last time, he knows his heart would have combusted with jealousy, but now he just feels at peace, knowing that, even after he fucked up, the two of them were able to find a happiness that holds steady, even in the most bizarre of circumstances. At last, Rairi faces Kaigaku again, and there's an undeniable light of hope in those deep brown eyes.

Every time Kaigaku looks at them, he finds Rairi even more stunning than before, and this time is no exception. Before, whenever he felt anything like joy, it always seemed like some sort of trick, an illusion that wouldn't last. But now he knows that's wrong, because if he can keep looking at Rairi, all the way until they grow old, there won't ever be a day where he stops believing in the existence of happiness, in the existence of love.

"I don't feel like I deserve this," Kaigaku says, because he needs to let the feeling out before it festers and grows. Kaigaku is a fast learner—but even if it took him ages to understand that he needs to open himself up if he wants to heal, the fact that he understands now is the most important. "No, I know I don't deserve this. I did so much that hurt you both. But you both came here, you both reached back out to me anyways, even though you knew what I could do in the future. And now—

"Rairi," he says, no -senpai, no honorific whatsoever, and their blush reaches all the way to the tips of their ears at the more intimate form of address. Kaigaku tucks that fact away for later and presses on, raising their joined fingers to rest his check against the back of their hand. "If you'll have me, if you'll forgive me, I'll always stay with you. I…I always wanted that, I wanted you so much I didn't know what to do with it, and I tore apart the future where we all could have stood together instead. But this time, I want to be there with the both of you, so…"

This time, his words are the ones that fall short, and all he can do is wait, because he said what he could, and there's nothing else he can do to prove his feelings without getting permission from Rairi first—but he's too afraid to look up, too afraid that after coming this far he'll face another crushing disappointment. But there's a shadow across the grass, and then Rairi's adjusted so they can look him in the eyes anyway, and there's that smile on their lips, the one that they gave whenever they told him everything was alright after he explained what happened at the temple and what he did.

"Yes," they say.

"Yes?" Kaigaku echoes back, the word more of a breath than anything else, and Rairi nods, the fingers of their free hand drawing an unfair little line up the side of his cheek that sets his own face to a temperature about the heat of a Flame Breath technique at max output.

"The answer. To the first question you asked. It's yes. It'll always be yes."

Can I kiss you right now?

Yes.

It'll always be yes.

It takes a few more seconds for it all to register, but then Kaigaku closes the distance between them in what's sloppy form, but he doesn't care. Rairi's lips are soft, and perfect, because they're theirs, and it's obvious that Rairi is much better at this than Kaigaku is—but that's fine, he can learn, so long as he gets to keep doing this. He pulls them back into a hug, their bodies snug together as he lets himself tumble backwards, back hitting the ground with Rairi's weight pressing down on them, the new happy memory muting the sorrow of the last time they were this close, creating a fresh starting line that the future can stretch out from.

Later, there will be time to talk over everything that happened, for all of them to work out the past they shared. Later, there will be time to apologize, to understand what needs to happen for him to repent. But for now, it's Kaigaku and Rairi and Zenitsu, for once all in agreement on the future they'll share, under the peach trees with the sun sneaking in between branches with the sprouting buds of new leaves, and that's more than enough.

[Author's Notes]

You ever write so much angst in a fic that you wanna write your own fix-it? Yeah, uh, I've become a sucker for time loop shit, so take this.

Thanks to BethxAngel, Just Br1an298, Toony Twilight, and ShutitNERD for the faves, follows, and comments left on the walk steady series. Your support means a lot. Take this bonus project as a way for me to express gratitude for all the support you guys have given me over the years!

But yes, happy anniversary to walk steady! This was one of the first extras I wrote for self-indulgence purposes and then it kinda...grew out of control? As in I wanted to do a larger plotline with it? I'm not going to make it as super duper involved, but I want to think of this one as a short story collection with some intertwining plot beats as we once again fuck up an established timeline because why not? Some of the earlier bits will be more episodic, while later ones will likely have more plot continuity.

This year I've decided to focus all my goals onto writing fanfics, and making twelve walk steady-verse updates is gonna be one of them! I think I'll try and continue my trend of putting something up once a month, though that may vary depending on posting shenanigans. I've been making some massive headway on my Moriarty the Patriot fic, you could have my heart (and i would break it for you), which is having its third season post now, so it would mean a lot to me if you'd check it out.

Also if there's anything in particular you'd want to see explored in the walk steady verse (be it for this collection or the others), let me know. I have ideas, but my drafts are still very flexible, so maybe I can sneak something in.

My next walk steady update will probs be stuff for night streets, free walking since I might just have a pile of smut for this AU I've been holding off on sharing, whoops. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[2 February 2024]