just like a blue gem shining
By: Aviantei
Part Ten:
"Gentle Rainfalls Along the Way"
"Oh god, oh shit, oh Jesus fucking Christ," says Rairi, the same curses they've been spouting off for the past twenty minutes. At first, Kaigaku was content to let them at it, hoping it would sort itself out, but that's seeming less and less likely. At the rate Rairi's going, they're going to work themself up into a panic to rival Zenitsu. It's a miracle they haven't worn a trench in the floor of the Wisteria House.
"What are you panicking for now?" he asks, not even bothering to sugarcoat it. There are times when he tries to be less gruff, but there are also times that call for it. Besides, Rairi managed to fall for him even in a timeline whenever he was a right asshole three-quarters of the time, so it's not like they mind. "You knew you were gonna have to see him. You went and shoved all your Corps reform shit on Sensei and told him to send it off."
"Yeah, but that was a future me problem!" Rairi throws their arms up, looking and sounding beyond exasperated. "Now it's a present me problem, and I'm not prepared for this at all! Fuck, why do my actions have to have consequences?!"
Once upon a time, Kaigaku might've rolled his eyes at the display; now, he just finds it endearing. For all the ways that Rairi is different, they are also the same, and that's comforting in a way that goes beyond words. Knowing that their cool sense of maturity isn't all that indomitable makes Kaigaku feel just a bit better about his own breakdown four days ago under the wisteria trees.
(Focusing on his partner's problems instead of his own is a hell of a lot easier.)
"You were like this last time, too, you know," Kaigaku says. It's been longer for Rairi than it has for him, but he already knows they remember the night of the Hashira dinner—or at least the circumstances of the night, considering sake makes their memory go to hell with no chance of recovery. "You survived stirring shit in the Corps before. What the hell makes you think this time will be any different?"
"Because last time I already had Rengoku-san backing me!" Which is a fair point, but it's still not the end of the world as far as Kaigaku's concerned. Best to let Rairi get it out of their system; maybe they'll calm themself down this time. "It wasn't perfect, but with one active Hashira on my side, I had a little more leeway, since he could back me up. And, yeah, I have Sensei now, and I know that I have at least some approval since they started working in some of my changes, but it's still nerve-wracking, okay?!" Kaigaku opens his mouth to say something gruff but understanding to knock them to their senses, but Rairi twists their braid around their hand, looks to Kaigaku, and says, "What if I fuck up and lose the chance to make things better?"
Well if that isn't a feeling that Kaigaku's familiar with, then he doesn't know what is. The ability to express empathy is something he's still getting a handle on. "And why," he asks, "are you acting like you're alone in having to make things better?" Rairi opens their mouth, but Kaigaku's already got a good guess of what they're about to say, so he barrels on, "Yeah, you're going to have an impact. But this isn't going to be the one chance you have to improve things. Didn't you go bragging to Sensei that you were gonna be a Hashira to shut everyone up? If someone gives you shit, we'll prove them wrong!"
Rairi, going down without a fight?
Like hell you're like that. Kaigaku knows that better than anyone.
Rairi's silent for a bit longer, and then they go back to their pacing—except not, because they walk over to Kaigaku and sit by his side on the floor, their head falling against his shoulder. It's not a new sensation whatsoever, but it is something he's still getting used to being part of his normal, so he cherishes the now familiar weight, along with the unfamiliar scent of the Wisteria House's soap in their hair. Kaigaku moves, but just to put his arm around their side, giving a squeeze to remind them both that this is real, that it's not a dream he's conjured up in the afterlife.
"Who cares if things don't go perfect? Who cares if the Hashira are pissed off at you? If they don't realize your ideas are good for the Corps, then they're a bunch of dumbasses." It feels weird to insult the people that he looked up to (and still does, if he's being honest), but facts are facts. A Corps that works to keep as many people alive as possible is one that Kaigaku feels he can get behind, even if his past self would scoff at the idea. "Rairi-senpai, even when we do our best, it's not always enough. I…don't know if making everything perfect is even possible. But you're not going to be happy if you don't give it all you've got when you talk to Oyakata-sama, so do what you always do and give them hell."
That's the Rairi that Kaigaku likes best, after all.
Rairi hums in agreement as they nod into his side. "Right. We didn't get sent back in time just to waffle around. I'll give it my all." Kaigaku might not have Zenitsu's ears, but he can still tell that Rairi is much more settled, calmer. Still, they reach out a hand to grip onto his haori. "Will you come with me?"
"What, me?"
"Yes, you."
"Wouldn't Zenitsu be better to, like, read the room?"
"Yeah, but I get the feeling he'd panic even worse than I would, just because I was worried." That checks out. Zenitsu may be way less of a crybaby than he was last time, but he's still emotional as fuck, especially whenever Rairi's concerned. "Having you there would be a reminder of what I'm arguing for in the first place. And besides, Zenitsu can stay with…"
"Urokodaki," Kaigaku finishes for them. Yeah, he can see the logic there. Leaving Urokodaki alone is kind of an awful idea, and it sounds like she didn't even bother to go through a Cultivator this time around. She and Zenitsu can go back to the Thunder Estate, while Rairi and Kaigaku go to Headquarters and start cleaning up the mess Rairi's made. They'll have to settle down and have a proper conversation sooner or later, and Kaigaku's looking forward to that about as much as he's looking forward to swallowing a live slug, but running away isn't going to make a single fucking thing better, now is it? "Yeah, I got it. I'll come with you." And then, because he feels like it needs to be said, "I'd come with you, even without Urokodaki to worry about."
"Mn. I'd ask for you to come even without worrying about her, too."
Much like whenever she first woke up here, Shimizu's emotions are a mess. On one hand, she's not alone—Rairi's here, too, and they're even another transmigrator, knowledge of which sure would've made everything a lot easier the last time—but also it looks like the entire Thunder Breathing trio has come back, and that means Kaigaku remembers all the awful stuff that happened. He's at least kept his distance, which is great, because even knowing he's around is enough for Shimizu to take her anxiety medicine on a regular basis. She has to give major props to Tamayo-san; the drugs are good enough to keep Shimizu functioning long enough to pass Final Selection, which was the whole gosh darn point of heading to Fujikasane-yama.
Kaigaku is—a terrifying thought, though she knows he shouldn't be. Or, at least, that's not all he should be. Shimizu met him once before the end, crossing paths with him and Rairi while all of them were headed to a Wisteria House to rest. He was rough, and he sure as hell wasn't outright friendly or anything, but he wasn't malicious. Hell, he made sure Rairi got taken care of, which had been good in Shimizu's book, even if he didn't stick around.
It was the everything else that made the thought of seeing him awful. He'd attacked her, hurt her, and then dropped her right into Muzan's lap. Was it while he was a demon? Yes, and that should count for something. Kimetsu outright baked sympathy for the demons right into its writing, and Shimizu still feels that way, even now. Yet the thought of an encounter with Kaigaku, though he would be human, makes her stomach want to upend its contents and then itself all over the tatami mats of the Wisteria House.
Hearing from Rairi that they've received a summons from Oyakata-sama and will be taking Kaigaku to Headquarters with them is a relief. Funny, how Shimizu was so desperate to see Rairi again, and now she's happy to let them go if it means she doesn't have to put up with Kaigaku.
"I promise once I'm done, we'll sit down and talk about things," Rairi says, pulling Shimizu into a tight hug. Shimizu clings back like a child, but does end up letting go. "We already sent a letter back to Sensei, so he and Saori-san know to expect you with Zenitsu. Talk to him if you need anything, too, okay? He's gotten way more reliable than he was before, so he'll be able to support you."
Shimizu is struck by a strange sense of nostalgia for a time she's never lived in. Would she, too, have been able to grow old with Rairi and Zenitsu had things turned out different? Would she have been able to grow into a different person? This whole time loop thing is starting to feel like equal parts blessing and curse. The latter idea just seems to be the depression talking, though, so Shimizu reminds herself that it's good to be alive and nods into Rairi's shoulder. "I'll remember. Now go wow everyone with your super cool Corps reforms."
"You got it." With one last squeeze, Rairi pulls away, and the utter softness on their face as they smile at Shimizu is almost too much for her already strained heart to take. Rairi cares about her, and Shimizu isn't sure what she's supposed to do with that. "Alright, I'm off. Be sure to give Shimizu-chan a nice time at home while you're waiting for us, sweetie."
Zenitsu brightens at the pet name, snapping to attention. "You got it, love! I'll be sure to take her into town, too." The two smile at each other, happy and full of affection, and Shimizu gets the distinct feeling of being a third wheel. The feeling doesn't quite fade whenever Rairi's bustled out of the room, their braid with a pretty jeweled clip on the end flashing behind them, and Shimizu lowers her hand from her wave, feeling uncertain of what to do next, though they already made a plan. Zenitsu stretches his arms overhead, and it's surreal to see him still with black hair instead of bright blond. "Alright! If I'm gonna show you home, then we better get going. It's just a couple of days at top speed, but I guess that's accounting for Thunder Breathing… We can take it easy!"
The smile on Zenitsu's face is just as blinding as the ones he wore in the manga. Tanjirō might've had the Good Boy Protag energy, but Zenitsu has plenty of joy in him, and to see that that's not changed is just the slightest bit reassuring. Shimizu's already adjusting enough to the changes she's wrought on the world; having those she once knew act like altogether different people would be almost too much to take.
And so the two of them thank the owner of the Wisteria House and set off on an unfamiliar to Shimizu route. While the temperature is decent enough early in the morning, Shimizu knows that's not going to last once they get out of the mountains, and so she prepares herself for the long haul as they follow the path marked out by unfamiliar Kasugai Crows. Since they've all tested early, neither Tanaka nor Ukogi have finished…whatever the heck Kasugai Crow training looks like, and the same holds true for Tadashi and Momo. Keeping with the theme, Shimizu has dubbed her new crow Sugawara.
"It's weird to think about how different things are, huh?" Zenitsu asks, reading Shimizu's emotions well. She looks to him, keeping her feet moving along the road, trusting they'll get somewhere. "I mean, I was still in early training at summer last time, and I was struggling to do anything, even the Hekireki Issen. And here I am now, already a Demon Slayer."
"I know what you mean. Last time…I was a year into my training with Urokodaki-san. I would've still been practicing right along with Tanjirō-kun." Just mentioning the boy aches, and Shimizu feels a certain kind of pathetic. "It's hard. Some days, I hope that my asking him to take his family down the mountain for winter worked. Some days, I want to know that he's training like Canon, so that things will be okay." While Shimizu has no proof it works that way whatsoever, but her manga-reader heart can't help but feel like, if Tanjirō were involved in the plot, everything would be okay.
Zenitsu hums in understanding. While some things about him are the same, like his smile and his tendency to burst into tears, others are different, like the more thoughtful side of him. "I get what you mean. Tanjirō was someone special." Being one of his best friends, Zenitsu would know that without Shimizu needing to tell him. "I know he'd be happy to help, no matter what he had to go through to do so. But I also know he'd be grateful you gave him the chance to stay with his family, too." Zenitsu bumps Shimizu's shoulder. "You did the right thing, Shimizu-chan. We can figure out how to defeat Kibutsuji without him."
You did the right thing. Shimizu didn't realize just how much she needed to hear those words. She's just been all alone, flailing through things one step at a time, and, as nice as it's been to have Tamayo's support, it hits a little different getting reassurance from someone who doesn't just know, but is experiencing the same time loop she is.
Shimizu sniffles, wipes her nose on her sleeve. Zenitsu doesn't comment, just gives a few pats on the back. "Man," Shimizu says whenever she's convinced her voice isn't going to sound congested as all get out, "no wonder Rairi-kun married you."
"Ehehehe. I did my best for them!" Zenitsu's blushing with his hands pressed to his cheeks, and the whole sight of him just happy and in love (without any of his Canon chaos at that!) is refreshing. Shimizu's glad to know the two of them found happiness, even after everything, and yet… "But you know, I heard something interesting earlier," Zenitsu says in a sing-song, his expression turning mischievous. The contrast of the sunshine to crybaby Zenitsu that Shimizu's familiar with to the almost sly look is enough to make her want to laugh. "Shimizu-chan, you still have feelings for Rairi, don't you?"
Shimizu's read enough shōjo manga to be able to imagine the way her face bursts into color at the thought. Heck, add some little puffs of smoke from overheating while the universe is at it, because this so wasn't the conversation she was expecting to have today! "W-well, I mean—" There's no sense of trying to lie to Zenitsu, but something in Shimizu wants to anyways, just out of sheer embarrassment. It was one thing to write a confession into a will that would only be sent after her death, and another altogether to have your crush's husband call you out for it. "I-I'm not trying to make it awkward or anything. Like, I'm not gonna get in your way!" She may be all for wrecking Canon, but becoming a homewrecker is not on her to do list.
"Huh? What's there to get in the way of? I was just happy to hear it." Shimizu's brow furrows tight enough that she's convinced she'll see the impression of forming wrinkles the next time she looks in a mirror. She'd suspect that Zenitsu were oblivious to the implications if it weren't for the way he brought it up in the first place. "Rairi liked you, too, and I know part of them started hoping once they realized Aniki was also with us. It's another chance for them to be happy, so I'm all for it."
"Hold on, hold on, hold on! Is this some weird Taishō Era thing I don't know about? How could you be okay with me just…trying to steal Rairi-kun away? Or with the idea that they'd even like me still in the first place?" Shimizu's been thinking about a lot of stuff since she woke up at the beginning of the timeline again, but her romantic prospects haven't been one of them. And more than that, breaking up a happy married couple who got lucky enough to loop together would just be unfair! "I know part of loving someone is wanting them to be happy, Zenitsu-kun, but isn't that going a bit too far?"
"But Rairi's polyamorous?" Zenitsu says, as if it's that simple. Well, it kinda is that simple, but Shimizu's having a hard time believing things can just work out that way for her. "We talked about it a long time ago, so it's not a big deal. I mean, I guess it depends if you're okay with that, but it is an option. So long as Rairi stays with me and is happy, the rest doesn't matter."
He says it with such confidence, too, which is both good news and too much for Shimizu's poor brain to handle. It's not like she has any moral hangup against polyamory or anything—informed and consenting folks can do whatever they like. Heck, she even found the Uzui polycule dynamic wholesome af whenever she read the manga. But for herself? Would she want to be a part of that? Is that even something she should be spending time on trying to figure out whenever there's so much at stake?
"…If we're going to have this conversation," she says, not having the guts to look Zenitsu in the eye while she does it, "then we should do it with Rairi-kun, not without them." Which just might be a way of Shimizu putting things off, but it's also going to give her way more time to process how she feels about the concept.
Zenitsu nods, not having any objections. "Good point. I'm sure they'll be glad to know you're even thinking about it." It is true that Shimizu hasn't outright rejected the concept. If she could, in some small way, make Rairi happy, too… Nope, we'll figure that out later! Zenitsu's smile has turned into a grin. "Whatever you're thinking that's making your heart race like that right now, Shimizu-chan, you have my blessing!" Shimizu takes a friendly swipe at him, which of course Zenitsu dodges, and then he's picked up the pace into a jog. "You're gonna have to try harder than that!"
Shimizu breathes, sprinting after him. "Get back here!" she shouts, but the words are a lot less intimidating whenever they're broken up with laughter.
Despite the fact that Zenitsu could outpace her at any time, he never goes fast enough to leave Shimizu behind.
[Author's Notes]
It's late! I'm tired! Take some fluff in advance of Halloween (I don't think that's how that works)!
Thanks to ToonyTwilight, Y567890, and Zoranthii for the comment and favorites on the walk steady series. Y'all and anyone else reading and leaving kudos are very cool.
This fic lets me play around with all sorts of new character dynamics, so we've got the actual Raigaku energy and Zenitsu getting to tease Shimizu. Regression Zenitsu is just a blast in general, if I'm being honest.
New chapters of you could have my heart (and i would break it for you), my very gay Moriarty the Patriot fic, are also going live atm on a bi-weekly basis. I'm super proud of that fic; go check it out!
Next Time, Part Eleven, which will go live on November 9. Please look forward to it!
-Avi
[26 October 2024]