Chapter 29:Before we fall
'The past is a place to learn, not to live in.'
Neither slept the entire night. Becca stayed up, reading over Jeff's journals or just laying on the sleeping bag staring up at the ceiling. Joel kept watch outside of the tent, his rifle cocked at the ready. He was restless. He felt like he constantly had to be on guard. Old habits are difficult to break.
As soon as the sun rose, they got back on the road. They were eager to get back to Jackson. They wanted to see Ellie and how the other kids were fairing. They had a lot to discuss with Sharon.
They fought and won the battle, but it was far from over. There would always be someone looking for Ellie. They would do what they've always done. Protect her.
Before they left, Becca managed to get whatever she could find belonging to Jeff. She took all of his notebooks. Maybe Sharon could make sense of his research. Maybe they could finally understand why they are were so hell bent on a cure.
Joel and the other doused all of the tents with gasoline. They lit a match to every single one of them. They stood atop of the hill, watching on the horses as the camp burned to dust.
Joel looked over his shoulder at Becca, who was seated behind him. She was watching the fire with rapt interest.
He placed his hand over hers that was resting on his stomach,'I told you I would fucking burn them all to hell, Becca.'
She gave him a small smile, remembering his words the night before she was taken. The first time he told her he loved her. She didn't have faith in him back then either. She was distrusting of him. She still had her reservations, but she would always have them. He would have a few of his own as well.
He didn't go back on his promise. He handled things. He burned them all down to the ground. As she watched the flames destroy the camp, she wasn't sad or felt guilty. She felt relieved. It was over. For now at least.
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Becca was surprised when they rode by Mathew's corpse. The animals had ripped him apart. There wasn't much of him left. She thought about all the times they've worked together. She danced with him and talked to him. He was her friend. The entire time he had been working for them. She thought he was a nice guy. She should've known.
She felt sick as they rode by the warehouse. She remembered how scared she had been. Her and Maria thought they were going to be killed. The more time passed, the more they began to lose hope. She left her piece of clothing in the hopes of someone knowing they were there. They wanted to give reassurance to anyone looking for them that they were still alive. She didn't know if it worked, but he found them.
It was almost a seven hour ride back to Jackson, but they made it in under five. They didn't stop. They pushed their horses to the limit. They wanted to get back as quickly as possible. They had things they needed to take care of back home.
They arrived back home with little fan fare. Joel insisted she go to the hospital. She had a concussion and sprained wrist. He was also eager to see Sharon and ask her about the other children. He needed to see Ellie. She was probably scared out of her wits.
Joel helped Becca into the hospital. His arm was wrapped securely around her waist as she held onto him. She started to get dizzy the longer they rode. Her wrist was swollen and bruised. In the grand scheme of things, he knew her injuries weren't that serious, but he wanted her to get checked out anyway. Even if it was for his own peace of mind.
Sharon saw them coming up and ran up to the entrance. Her eyes widened when she saw Joel carrying Becca,'Is she okay?' She looked down at her, assessing her injuries,'Let's get you on a bed and in an examination room.'
Joel carried her into one of the rooms and carefully set her down on the bed. She didn't seem thrilled about the idea. She wanted to go home. Where was home for her though? Joel's or her own place? She didn't know where they stood. He said nothing changed between them. It felt like something did.
Tess tried to tear them apart, but this ended up bringing them closer in a way. They've gone through hell and back together. This would just be another thing they would have to get through.
Sharon placed her hand on his arm and smiled softly,'You should go home and get some rest. Ellie is going to want to see you.' She crinkled her nose,'You also need a shower. She's in good hands here.'
Joel shook his head and was about to protest. He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to stay and make sure she didn't disappear on him again.
'Go, Joel.' Becca shook her head and sighed,'I'll be fine here. Go and see Ellie. I know she's probably worried. Tell her I'm fine.'
Joel crossed his arms over his chest as he looked up at Sharon. He relented and nodded,'We found one of the scientists research. He was apparently the last one left.'
Sharon nodded. Tommy had told her about what happened. She wasn't prepared. She's been prepared for this.
'Scientists have always thought they were God.' She shook her head,'Even before the outbreak.' She looked down at Becca,'Your grandfather was one of the good ones. He tried to warn everyone. I remember him on national television. They laughed at him. We're the ones laughing now.'
Joel handed her over the bag filled with his journals,'We're not done here.'
He stared down at Becca and sighed,'I'll be back to come get you.' He met her gaze,'Stay put.'
'I will.' She laughed and shook her head,'Where am I gonna go?'
'I don't know.' Sharon smirked,'I've heard Silver Lake is beautiful this time of year.'
Joel's eyes widened up at Sharon. Even if was taken aback by her joke. Becca just laughed. What else could she do? She's tried to make light of her past. She could either laugh or cry about it. She was through with crying.
He stroked her hand as he looked over her face,'I'll come back in a little while. Take you home.'
A small smile formed on her face as he said goodbye to Sharon and walked out of the room.
Becca watched him go and made sure he was out of earshot,'Did anyone come here looking for refuge?'
'A few people. Yeah.' She nodded as she flashed a light in her eyes,'They said Tommy sent them.'
She nodded as she followed the light's movements as Sharon checked her for a concussion,'Are the kids alright?'
'They're as good as they can be.' She sighed,'They killed their parents. That's as much as I could get from them. They're scared and for good reason. They're staying with me and Richard though. Hopefully after a week or so of actually being treated with respect. They'll trust us more.'
Sharon leaned back as she checked her wrist, making Becca wince in pain,'What about you? How are you handling all this? You've had a rough couple days.'
'I'm fine.' She sighed as she closed her eyes,'I killed that woman who came here. Tess. It used to be Joel's partner and girlfriend. I think. He's never really given me a definitive answer.'
'Maybe he doesn't have one.' She shrugged,'It doesn't seem like he's tore up about it. Are you?'
She thought about it for a moment and shook her head,'Not really. What about the kids? Do you think others will come looking for them?'
Sharon sighed as she sat down on her bed,'As far as I know, Jeff had been the last one. I don't know if he was working with anybody else. I guess we'll know soon enough.'
All Becca could do was stare up at her. She was right. Nothing or everything could happen. They would just have to wait and see.
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Joel was riding up to the house when Ellie ran towards him. He hopped off his horse and bent down, wrapping her in his arms. He cradled the back of her head and closed his eyes, sighing in relief. He was alive. He came back to her.
'I was so scared.' Ellie clung to him as she broke down in tears against his chest,'I thought you wouldn't come back.'
Tears filled his eyes at the fear in her tone. He never wanted her to be afraid like this. Not anymore.
'I took care of them. I made sure no one would come following us back here. I made sure of that.' He stroked her hair as he blinked away tears,'I brought her home. Just like I said I would. She's safe.'
Ellie took a deep breath. It felt like the weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Becca was alive.
'Is she okay?' She frowned,'Did they hurt her?'
'She's roughed up. She's at the hospital with Sharon looking her over.'
Ellie followed him to the barn as he put Dusty up,'What about Tess?'
'She's dead.' He stated simply as he shrugged,'Becca done it. I don't want you asking her about that either. She ain't like us, baby girl.'
'She feels regret for killing people.' She sighed,'Yeah, I know. Are you okay with her death? For real this time.'
He sighed exasperatingly and shook his head,'Why does everyone keep asking me that? Yes. I'm really fucking okay with it. For two and a half years I thought she was dead. I'm relieved it's finally over.' He laughed dryly,'I'm so fucking done with people thinking I'm a piece of shit, Ellie. No one stops to think that I might actually care about someone. That I might love them. The only regret I have is not killing her myself. She shouldn't fight my battles for me.'
'This isn't just your fight, Joel. It's never been just your fight.' She brought a bucket of water over to Dusty to drink,'We're in this together.'
He looked over at her, knowing she was right. When he agreed to Marlene's demands, he never thought things would end up this way. In the beginning, she was cargo. Now she was someone he loved like she were his own. She didn't let him give up on himself. She saw how much Becca and Joel needed each other. She helped him see the error of his ways.
Ellie saved his life in so many ways. He owed her everything. She gave him a sense of purpose.
Ellie crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at him,'I can't believe there's more kids like me.' She shook her head in disbelief,'There's probably more out there.'
He nodded and sighed,'I'm sure there are. Marlene knew you weren't the only one.'
'What if they come looking for me?' She swallowed harshly as fresh tears filled her eyes,'What if they followed you back here?'
Joel walked over to her and held her face in his hands,'I don't want you worrying about that. We've known that's always been a risk. The best we can do is try and live. We can't keep living in fear. We're letting them win.'
Ellie smirked as she looked over his face,'When did you become all grown up?'
He rolled his eyes and sighed. She was a real pain in the ass, but she was safe. For the rest of his life, he would make sure she stays that way.
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Sharon have Becca the clear to go home. She had a concussion and sprained wrist, but nothing was broken. Much to her chagrin, she gave her a week off. She wasn't thrilled about it, but if she wanted to give her one hundred percent, she needed to be healthy. She hated not working. It gave her too much time to be alone with her thoughts.
Sharon promised her she would go over Jeff's journals. There could be some valuable information. They weren't looking for a solution to a problem. They just wanted to make sense of why they wanted Ellie and these kids. Science can't be proven without research. Have they been using the kids as Guinea pigs for their own experimentations? They didn't even want to think about it.
Joel was there to pick her up. It was almost six in the evening when they walked out of the hospital. She looked up at him, wondering if he was alright. He took a shower and cleaned up. He looked exhausted though.
She saw Dusty posted up and shook her head,'Where are we going?'
He stared at her, his brow furrowing in confusion as he shook his head,'We're going home. I'm bringing you home with me.'
'With you?' She was a little surprised by that. She didn't know if he wanted space.
He stopped walking as he turned around to face her,'Yes with me.' He shook his head,'I told you nothing would change. You think just because something happened that means I'm just gonna give this up. Give you up? Give me a little bit more fucking credit than that.
He was angry and had every right to be. She didn't blame him. She was doing a shitty job of showing her appreciation.
He stared at her for a moment before he started walking over to Dusty,'Let's get you home.'
She looked at him, wanting to say something but knew it wouldn't make a difference. She hurt his feelings. He would never admit it, but she did. She still doubted him. Even after everything he's done for her. That ends tonight.
He helped her climb onto the horse to sit behind him. He was silent the entire ride back to the ranch. She didn't like this silence. They were teetering along the edge of something.
He dropped her off at the house while he put Dusty up for bed. She walked inside the house and upstairs to Ellie's room.
She looked at Ellie sitting on her bed reading a comic book. She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw her. She threw her comic down on the bed and ran over to her.
They both wrapped their arms around each other. Becca stroked her hair was Ellie tightened her arms around her waist. They were happy to be back with each other. It was dicey there for a while. Neither knew if they would ever see each other again.
Ellie's eyes looked over her, making sure she didn't have any life threatening injuries. Her wrist was taped up and she had some bruising on her face, but she seemed fine. She was alive and it's all that mattered.
'Joel told me what happened.' She shook her head and sighed,'I can't believe there's more out there. People like me.'
'It doesn't change the fact that you're special.' Becca smiled softly,'You're special to us, Ellie. We'll always protect you. You know that right?'
'I do.' Ellie gave her a small smile,'Thank you for not giving me up. For keeping me safe.'
She shook her head as she cupped her cheek,'Don't ever thank us for that. You kept yourself safe too, ya know. We can't take all the credit.'
Ellie didn't know how to explain to make anyone understand. She will always have guilt about being here. Surviving. She was safe and sound while Riley was dead. What made her so special? She wasn't a cure. She was just a girl.
Becca nodded towards her bed,'Now lights out. Joel's gonna expect you to work on the farm tomorrow.'
Ellie rolled her eyes as she walked over to her bed,'I'm not a kid anymore. I'm sixteen. I can set my own bedtime.'
Becca smirked as she pulled the covers up over her,'Stay being a kid for a little while longer. Being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be.'
Ellie looked up at her and sighed. She didn't feel like a kid anymore. She's been through more than more adults suffer their entire lifetime. She never really felt like a kid.
Becca turned off the oil lamp and kissed Ellie on the forehead,'Try and get some rest.'
The teenager sighed as she kicked her feet under the blankets,'I'm not even tired.'
Becca grinned as she walked over to the door. She stood in the doorway for a moment and looked back at her. She smiled to herself, seeing her already falling asleep. Good. She should sleep. She was still a child. She had the rest of her life to worry about things.
She gently closed the door behind her and walked into her bedroom. Her eyes widened when she saw Joel sitting on the edge of her bed.
He looked up at her standing in the doorway,'Is this okay?' He shrugged,'Am I still allowed in here?'
She laughed softly and shook her head,'This is your house, Joel. You can sit wherever you want.'
A smirk formed on his face when he saw the amusement in her eyes. She was teasing him. Fuck, if that didn't make him feel good. She still broke his balls. All was not lost between them.
'I meant what I said in this bed, baby.' His eyes slowly raked over her,'I want you in my bed. For as long as you'll have me.'
She blinked away tears as she walked over to stand in between his legs. His arms stayed at his sides. He didn't know if he could touch her like that.
She answered his question by placing his hands on her waist, whispering,'This is yours too, Joel. For however long you want it.'
His hands slid up and down her sides. He leaned forward and pressed his cheek against her stomach,'I'm always gonna want this, honey girl.' He looked up at her and frowned,'Why would you think I'd give this up for anyone? For any fucking thing? You're everything. This is everything to me.'
'Honey.' She whispered as she raked her fingers through his thick hair,'I'm sorry that I doubted you. I'm so fucking sorry about that. I won't do it again.'
He sighed softly at her words as he pressed kisses against her stomach over her shirt,'When you get yourself better. I'm taking ya back to the lake. We ain't gonna leave until I'm good and ready. For the next week, I want ya all to myself.'
She smiled tearfully and trembled as she felt the warmth of his breath through her t shirt,'I think we deserve some alone time. We haven't had the best go of it, huh? Something always gets in the way.'
'I don't care.' He shook his head as he slowly lifted up her shirt, pressing his kisses along her bare stomach. She gasped as gently tugged his hair,'I don't fucking care if an army of infected barged through. I want some time alone with my woman. I earned it.'
She smiled softly, biting her bottom lip to stifle her moan as his tongue slid against her skin. Her body was aching, sore and tired, but his mouth against her skin soothed her. She never thought she would have this again. Feel him again.
'Come take a shower with me.' She whispered as she took a step back from him.
He leaned back as he grabbed his hand. He was much stronger than her, but he let her pull him off the bed. He let her lead him to the bathroom. The made sure to be quiet. They didn't want to wake Ellie up.
She bit back a smile as they hurried and sneakily walked to the bathroom. She tightened her grip on his hand, relishing in the way he tangled their fingers together. His grip was firm. He felt like if he let her go, she would poof! away from him. He would wake up in his dingy apartment with Tess back in Boston, high out of his mind when he realized this had all been a dream.
They walked into the bathroom and she closed it, making sure to lock it behind them.
She turned on the light, enveloping the room in a soft glow. It wasn't bright, but just enough to see each other.
She kept her eyes locked on his as slid off her shirt and threw it onto the floor. He quickly tore off his own shirt as his eyes raked over her chest.
He licked his dry lips. He knew she was injured. She just wanted to shower with him. He wished he could tell his cock that. He was hard and aching as his erection pushed against the zipper of his jeans. He knew she could see it. Her eyes were looking at it.
She knew what he wanted. He wouldn't hide it from her. She deserved to know how she affected him. How badly he wanted her. All the time. It never stopped. He didn't want it to.
He wanted to bend her over the sink and fuck that tight little pussy. She always got so soaked for him. He wanted to watch her face and he slid into her for the first time. She would take him so good. He knew it.
She didn't need this from him right now. She needed comfort and stability. He could do this. He could be that man for her.
She pulled down her pants along with her panties. She stood naked as the day she was born in front of him. The injuries mattered none to him. All he saw was the strong and beautiful woman he fell in love with.
He took off his jeans and boxers, kicking them onto the floor. They just stood there for a few moments staring at each other, their eyes taking each other in.
She was the one to look away first. She walked over to the shower and turned the water on,'I don't know how you like the water.'
Her back was facing him as he came up behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, being mindful not to hurt her wrist or abrasions. He needed to feel her though. He needed to have this physical affirmation that she was in the flesh. His mind has known to play tricks on him.
He nuzzled into the crook of her neck and kissed her skin, whispering,'I'll fucking love anything as long as it's with you.'
She looked back at him and smiled softly. He could be so tender sometimes. So sweet. He was capable of brutality and murder. So was she. They weren't imperfect people. This is the closest thing to normal they'll ever have.
Something seemed to shift within him after he brought her back. He was more patient with her. More open and honest. She didn't need to wonder if this is what he wanted. He was giving it to her.
They stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain closed. They took turns standing under the water, letting the hot water soak through their tired and aching bones. They weren't as young as they used to be.
Joel stood behind her, watching her as she washed the shampoo out of her hair. She winced slightly as the water hit her bruised skin, but she was starting to relax.
His raised slid down to the curve of her ass. He felt his cock twitch, the precum leaking from its tip. He was a lecherous asshole sometimes. He couldn't help it. Her body. The reality of the fact he could touch her…
He slowly rubbed his cock to relieve some of the pressure, but it only made it worse.
She picked up the wash rag and handed it to him,'Will you? Please.'
Please. As if she had to beg him. He was dying to get his hands on her.
He lathered the soap into the rag. He took a step closer to her as he gently ran the rag down her back. He bit his bottom lip as she moaned softly. She slumped back against his chest as he slid the rag up her arm. He washed her other arm, being mindful of her injuries. The relaxed look on her face told him she wasn't in pain. He could do this. He could make her feel good.
He leaned back from her and ran the rag down the length of her ass. His eyes looked over her body as he watched the soap gather on her skin, smooth, pale and unmarked.
She sighed softly as her knees almost buckled. His hands on her felt like heaven. They couldn't absolve each other from their sins, but they could atone for them. Right now.
He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her steady against him,'I got ya, darlin.' He whispered in her ear. She could feel his lips moving against her ear,'I ain't ever letting ya go again.'
She relished in his words as his slid his hands around to her chest. She whimpered as he slid the cloth over her breast, alternating back and forth between each one. He gently groped them as he pressed himself against her ass.
She pushed back against his erection, hearing his sharp intake of breath. He dropped the rag onto the ground and placed his hands on her waist, stilling her movements.
She back at him and frowned. He smirked and shook his head,'I don't wanna fuck ya like this. I…I'm trying to be a gentleman about it.'
She closed her eyes and sighed, whispering,'I didn't think I would see you again. I didn't think we would…we would ever get to have this again. I'm not talking about sex.' She groaned in frustration,'I need something to know it's real. I need…'
His lips on hers silenced her. She didn't need to explain it. He felt it too.
She cupped the back of his neck as their tongues slowly tangled together. Their moans were lost inside each other's mouths. Their hands roamed all over each others' bodies; gently grasping, tracing and etching every single detail into memory.
His lips pulled away from hers. He bent down to whisper in her ear,'I'll take care of ya. I'll make ya feel good.'
He turned her around with her back facing him. For the first time in his life, Joel Miller got down on his knees for someone.
His hands slid up the back of her legs, slowly trailing up the back of her thighs. Her muscles clenched against his rough and calloused hands. He saw the dirt underneath his fingernails he could never seem to get rid of.
He was still baffled she let him touch her. She welcomed it. Welcome him with open arms. His bitterness and self hatred almost ruined them. He wouldn't let himself lose her again.
His hands slid to her inner thighs. He looked up to make sure she was okay. She had her palms laying flat against the tiled wall. There was a blissful look on her face as she watched him. Maybe she needed the affirmation just as much as him. They were alive. Nothing or no one could take this away from them.
He slowly parted her thighs as she spread her legs even wider for him.
He smirked to himself. Good girl.
He was glad Ben or David didn't take this from her. Her sexuality as a woman. She yearned for his touch. She welcomed it and didn't shy away from it. He took her for granted too. Never again.
He slid his tongue across the length of her slit. She rested her head against her, moaning into her skin. She didn't want to wake Ellie up.
He rested his cheek against her ass as the hot water beat down on them. Bliss. Her taste was on his tongue, her warmth and scent surrounding him. He delved into her folds. He spread her ass cheeks apart as his tongue licked around inside her. He slid one hand under her and began circling her clit.
She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out. No one's done this to her before. Her cheeks burned slightly at the realization.
His tongue curled and rolled around inside her cunt. His mouth mimicked the motions of the way he kissed her. She pushed back against him, shamelessly grinding her pussy against his mouth. She felt so keyed up. She needed this as much as he did.
Her eyes widened when she felt his tongue swirl around her asshole. Her knees almost gave out as his tongue slid around the puckered hole. No one's ever done that to her before either.
His eyes never left hers. His thumb circled her clit. She bit into the inside of her arm to keep from crying out.
He turned her around without warning. He got up from his knees as he gripped his cock. She looked down, watching the movement of his hands as he jerked his leaking cock. She felt her pussy throbbing. She had been so close.
He gently pressed her back against the wall, making sure to be careful.
She leaned forward and grasped his cock with both hands. She jerked and pumped his cock as he let out a strangled gasp. He pressed his forehead against hers, whispering,'Please, baby.' His hips jerked up into her hand. She was shocked at the neediness in his tone,'I need it so bad.'
She nodded as she licked her lips,'We both need it.'
His eyes widened as he cupped her pussy. He grinded his palm against her clit, making her gasp slightly. He leaned forward and flicked his tongue against his lips, whispering,'You're so fucking wet. Even in the shower I feel it. You're so wet for me.'
She smiled to herself. He was a talker. He placed his hand over hers, still wrapped around his cock. He slowly pressed the tip of his cock against her clit, whispering,'This okay?'
She took her hands off his cock and nodded, whispering breathlessly,'Fuck yes. It feels good.'
Joel bit his bottom lip as he slid the length of his cock up and down her wetness, coating it with her juices. He licked his lips and his eyes rolled in pleasure as arched up against him. He slid his other hand up her chest, pinching her nipples and groping her chest.
She was moaning softly, her body reeling as his hands soothed her aching body. Her eyes widened when he gently tapped the tip of his cock against her clit. He did it a few more times as he watched her face, enjoying the reaction he got from her.
He pressed his cock against her pussy as she arched up against him. He cradled the back of her head to keep it from banging against the wall. His cock was pressed up against her clit as they moved against each other.
It didn't take much for them to come. They were both wound tight. His orgasm was triggered by her own. His hips jerked as his come spurted onto her stomach. He wrapped his arm around her to keep her from falling.
He tightly wrapped his arms around her as she did the same. She kissed and nuzzled into his shoulder as the water beat down around them. They were too breathless to speak, but words would just ruin the moment.
They helped dry each other and went into his bedroom. She looked around. It's the same as it was before, but there were pictures adorning the walls. Pictures that Ellie drew. There were a few guitars. She was surprised to see a photo Ellie drew of her on his nightstand.
Tears filled her eyes. That wasn't there the last time she was in here. How long has he loved her?
His room was neat and organized. Did he clean it for her? Has it always been so orderly? She wondered if that was due to his time with the Fireflies. They kept him in line.
He plopped down on the bed with a sigh. He looked up at her as she walked over to his bed. His bed was King sized and she wondered how he didn't get lost in it.
He slid across the bed as he rested his chin on her shoulder,'Do you want to go back to your room?'
'No.' She closed her eyes and leaned back against him,'I got what I want right here.'
He wanted to ask her to move her things in with him, but they would be moving too fast. They were friends for so long. It would take them for them to get over their fears and fully embrace each other as partners. They could be friends and lovers.
He gingerly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, whispering,'It's over.'
She closed her eyes and sighed. It was over. For now. There would always be something. They would be prepared for it.