Chapter 33:Here in this house, we give thanks
'Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.'
-Eckhart Tolle
It was the morning of Thanksgiving and Becca was busy in the kitchen. Just as she did every morning, she rose up with the sun. Her and Ellie fed the animals while Joel went into town. Plans were already underway for the new ranch. It would take a very long time to finish, but she knew it would be worth just to have their own slice of freedom.
They would be close Jackson, but away from their prying eyes. They wouldn't have to worry about anyone in town watching their comings and goings. It would be their permanent home. Hopefully, they could live out the rest of their lives without anymore kidnappings or someone wanting to take Ellie away from them.
She looked out the window and saw him riding down the trail. She poured two cups of coffee and went out on the porch to greet him. He had a smile on his face as he stopped the horse in front of the house.
There were saddle bags and a wagon filled with wood. She smiled at that. Materials for the house. They were really doing this.
He took off his riding gloves as he walked up to the porch, taking the cup of coffee from her. He was on the step below hers.
He leaned up and kissed her lips softly, whispering,'A beautiful lady waiting for me with a cup of coffee. A man could get used to this.'
She smiled against his lips as he stroked the side of her face,'Get used to it. I may not always have a cup of coffee in my hand, but I'll always be happy to see you.'
His eyes widened as he looked over her face. Even now it would take some time to get used to. Someone loving him this much and wanting him to stick around. It floored him whenever he came home to find her here or when he picked her up from work and brought her home.
Home.
This is their home. She wasn't going anywhere. He still needed to remind himself of that every now and again.
He kissed her lips one last time before walking up onto the porch,'I got some lumber in town. I figured I would shave it down and prime the wood.'
She took a sip of her coffee as she sat down on the chair with a sigh,'Not today you aren't.'
'Why?' He frowned,'What's today?' She laughed at the almost panicked look on his face,'Shit, did I forget someone's birthday? Is it your birthday? I honestly don't even know when that is.'
She rolled her eyes and shook her head,'You've never asked. Dick.' The smirk on her face let him know she was only kidding. Hopefully,' It's February Second. You have plenty of time.'
He sighed in relief as his shoulders slumped,'What is today, Becca? I'm really at a fucking loss. Have pity on an old man. My brain ain't as sharp as it used to be.'
She cocked her head to the side as she stared at him unconvincingly,'There's not a damn thing wrong with your brain. You're sharp as a tack. Stop using your age as a crutch for being forgetful. That's not gonna work with me.' She sighed and shook her head,'It's Thanksgiving today. You know, turkey, pumpkin pie and giving thanks?' She looked up at him and smiled softly,'I think we have a lot to be thankful for.'
He took a sip of his coffee as he nodded,'Yeah, I suppose we do.'
He couldn't remember the last time he celebrated Thanksgiving, let alone any other holiday. When you're trying to survive, holidays don't mean anything. Even when he partnered with Tess, he felt alone. She was never really the warm fuzzy type. Holidays were just another day.
For a long time, there was nothing to celebrate. Days passed. Every day was the same old bullshit. Stealing, smuggling and killing. His rage consumed him, burned him from the inside out.
As he stared at her, he knew there was a lot to be thankful for. He would've been dead if it weren't for her and Ellie. He could've still been back in Boston, drinking and drugging himself to think. It made him sick thinking about the man he used to be. That man was still inside him, but he didn't let his anger take him over.
He was still struggling every day. It was difficult to let go of the burdens of your past. The mistakes you've made haunt you. He's learned he can't outrun his demons. He needed to face them head on. He's learning to make peace with his past. It can't hurt him anymore.
'You really do want this, huh?' He shook his head in disbelief,'Living here with me and Ellie. Staying with me forever. You really mean that.'
He didn't ask her. He didn't have to because he already knew the answer. He needed some confirmation every once in a while. He was only human.
She got up from her chair and walked over to him, sitting herself in his lap. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling him close to her.
'I do.' She shook her head and smiled softly, 'I would follow you anywhere. I followed you to Jackson, didn't I? I didn't know what to expect. I could've been walking into danger, but this is everything you said it would be.' She nodded,'So…yeah. I'll follow you to the fucking moon.'
He couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes. While they were traveling to the hospital, Ellie had said those exact words to him. He never understood her unyielding faith in him back then. He still didn't understand it now. How these two incredible women trusted him so much. They followed him to Jackson. They didn't have any proof of what he was saying. They trusted his words. He refused to do anything to tarnish that.
She sighed as she got up from his lap,'I have to get ready.' She took a deep breath as she grinned back at him,' Lizzie, Tommy, Maria and the baby are coming here.' She laughed at the exasperated look on his face,'You're gonna love it.' She patted his cheek,'It won't hurt to have your family over for dinner.'
He shook his head as he took her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. He nuzzled his nose against her skin, making her sigh softly. He always did this. Smelled her. She thought it was weird at first, but he said she calmed him. Her scent eased his mind. She never asked him again.
'Our family.' He whispered against her skin,'They're just as much my family as they're yours, darlin girl.'
She smiled tearfully and shook her head. She was in disbelief this was the same man she met back in Silver Lake. She always knew he had it in him to be sweet and gentle. Twenty years of fighting made him lose sight of himself. He was slowly starting to become himself again. She couldn't wait to meet him.
She kissed him on top of his head and went back into the house. She checked on the food before heading upstairs to get a shower. She checked in on Ellie, standing in the doorway of her room. The teenager was reading a comic book, her Walkman blasting with music.
Even after everything, she was still a teenager. She was going through the trials and tribulations all teenagers do. She just so happened to be born special. She didn't choose this for herself. She didn't owe anybody anything either.
Ellie looked over and took her headphones off when she saw Becca.
'You excited for your first Thanksgiving?' She walked over to her bed and sat down next to her,'I'm excited. This is the first Thanksgiving we've been able to enjoy together.'
'I never had Thanksgiving before.' She snorted,'I read about it though. Why are celebrating genocide?'
She laughed softly and shook her head,'Because people like to rewrite history to sugar coat it. We haven't done our best. We never take responsibility for our past mistakes. Even now we haven't learned from them.' She sighed,'I don't think we ever will. Thanksgiving is just a reason for everyone to come together. We haven't really done anything as a family.'
Ellie's eyes widened as she looked over her face,'Do you consider me and Joel family?'
Becca thought about what he said to her on the porch. Our family. She never thought she would have this again. Family.
'Of course.' She wrapped an arm around her shoulders,'Joel showed me the land. Where he wants us to live. I accepted, Ellie. I'm not going anywhere.'
'You and Joel gonna get married?' She twiddled her hands nervously in her lap, whispering,'I would like that.'
She nodded and smiled tearfully,'Me too. We just need some time first. To get to know one another on that level. We don't want to rush into things. We've talked it about though. When the time is right. You'll be the first person to know. I'm not going anywhere, El. I love him so much. I love you.'
Ellie gave her a small smile as she pulled her closer to her,'I do too, ya know.' She looked away shyly,'Love you.'
Becca kissed her on top of her head,'I know. I also know you're turning into a fine young lady. Maria said you have an interest in mechanics. I think that's so fucking cool.'
'The guys give me shit in class.' She smirked,'I think it's because I'm better than them.'
Becca laughed and nodded,'Probably. Women like you make men nervous. It blows their minds that you don't want what's between their legs. They can't fathom a woman liking the same gender.'
'Joel said cause they feel like they lost a good one to the same team.'
'That sounds like Joel alright.' She ruffled her hair,'He's right though. A beautiful girl like you. I would be gutted too.'
Becca's words of encouragement used to make her uneasy. She used to think she was making fun of her and telling her what she wanted to hear. The more time progressed, she's come to realize Becca never lied. She didn't condone lying.
She was the closest thing she's ever had to a mother. She nurtured, supported and comforted her. She took care of her. She stood up for her when everyone else wanted her dead. Becca and Joel meant so much to her. She hoped things worked out between them. She didn't want to lose either one of them.
Becca pulled herself up from her bed with a sigh,'You okay with today? Eating turkey for genocide?'
Ellie laughed and nodded,'I'm okay. I've never had turkey before.'
'You're in for a treat. Joel caught a big one.' She beamed,'You should get dressed. Everyone will be here soon.'
Becca walked out of her room and into the bathroom. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She placed her hand under the spray, marveling as the water ran over her hand. Water. She took it for granted.
They had a lot of intelligent people in Jackson. They managed to corral some great minds. Doctors, lawyers, surgeons and nurses. People with engineering and construction backgrounds. They've created a fully functioning city. She wondered if there were other towns like theirs. She's never come across anything like this before. It's why they worked so hard to keep it safe. They didn't want their work to be for nothing.
She undressed and stood under the shower. She sighed softly as the hot water seeped into her aching bones. She gasped when she felt strong arms wrapped around her waist.
She smiled softly. She would recognize him from anywhere. Just his arms alone. The way they held her tightly and securely. He kissed her shoulder, trailing his lips up her neck to the back of her ear. He repeated it as he nuzzled into her wet skin.
She didn't even hear him come in. He was sneaky like that. Years of evading the 'law' made him stealthy. He thought he was past his prime. She felt like he was only getting started. He aged like fine wine.
'Not that I'm complaining, but are you okay?' She leaned back against his chest, sighing contentedly as his hands slid up her sides. His hands seemed to glide over her wet and smooth skin.
He smiled against her neck as his hands slid over her breasts, kneading and groping her flesh,'I'm giving thanks, darlin. Isn't that what today's all about?' He hummed softly as he squeezed her tits, relishing in her soft moan,'Hush. We don't want our girl to know what we're doin.'
Our girl.
Two simple words yet they meant so much to her. As time went on, Ellie became so much more than a friend and a sister. They've grown as close as two people can be. She wasn't her mother, but she felt that bond between them. She would do anything to keep her safe. So would the man in her arms.
They didn't have enough time to thoroughly explore one another, but they could have this moment. They deserved this.
He turned her around in his arms and gently pressed her back against the wall. She writhed against him as he ran his hands all over her. He slid his hand down between her legs. She bit her bottom lip to stifle her moan as he rubbed her clit with his thumb.
He watched as the shower ran over her body. The rivulets of water dripping down the contours of her body. It was becoming difficult to deny her. Every night they laid in bed together he thought about it. He didn't know what held him back. She never asked why, but he knew it was lingering in the back of her mind. It's all he could think about sometimes.
His other hand roamed all over her body. He gripped his cock and started stroking himself. He licked his lips as he looked over her body. Her eyes were closed and she had a look of euphoria on her face. He did that. He made this beautiful woman feel good.
He pulled and tweaked her nipples. His eyes roved all over her body. His hands and eyes taking her all in at once. He wanted more hands. He didn't want to neglect the rest of her body.
He was panting as he jerked himself off. His thumb pressed against her clit. He thought about sliding his fingers inside her, just to know what she felt like from the inside out, but he distressed. He wanted his cock to be the first thing inside her. That's if he stopped being a coward and made her his. She said he satisfied her, but she wouldn't wait around forever.
Her eyes fluttered in pleasure as he sucked on her tits. She grasped at his wet hair, tugging on the strands as his mouth assaulted her breasts. He was moaning and panting against her skin. His eyes clenched shut as he threw his back. She already knew the telltale signs. He was getting close.
He pinched her clit gently and that's all it took. She slumped against him as she bit into his shoulder to muffle her screams. The feel of her teeth breaking his skin spurred on his own orgasm. He continued to rub her clit as he came. She looked down, moaning as she saw his hand wrapped tightly around his cock. He ejaculated on her stomach as the shower washed the remnants away.
She wondered if he would let her watch him jerk off. It's something she's thought about. She wanted to watch him touch himself and see what he liked. She would touch herself too. She didn't think a man like him would be comfortable with that. He didn't like putting on a show for anybody. She wasn't just anybody though.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, holding each other under the water as they caught their breaths. It was moments like this they cherished. Total bliss.
He ran his hand through her wet hair as he kissed her shoulder,'I should've been balls deep inside you as you came around my cock.'
Her heart hammered at his words. She cupped the back of his neck and smiled softly, shaking her head,'We'll get there.' She smirked,'Are you saving yourself for marriage?'
He laughed as he playfully tugged on the ends of her hair,'You're a pain in my ass.'
The water started getting cold and they reluctantly stepped out of the shower. They helped dry each other off before going back to their room to get changed.
They were wrapped in towels as they tried to sneak past Ellie's room, but her door was wide open. Ellie and Lizzie both stared at them with identical smirks on their faces.
Lizzie raised her eyebrow as she looked at the bewildered looks on their faces,'Did you guys just have sex?'
Ellie's eyes widened in horror and she covered her ears,'I don't wanna know. I wanna remain ignorant.
Joel rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he sighed exasperatingly,'We technically didn't have sex. It's none of your business anyway.'
Lizzie pursed her lips to stifle her laugh,'Straight people are so weird.'
'You don't know the half of it.' Becca narrowed her eyes between the two young women. Their cheeks were flushed and they seemed nervous. She smiled to herself. It looked as if they were caught too.
'I'll let it slide.' Becca looked up at Joel, who had the concerned father look on his face,'I know what you two do in here. I was a teenager once too.'
'Believe it or not. I was too.' Joel huffed as the three women just stared at him. He wouldn't win. He was outnumbered.
Ellie grinned as she enjoyed watching Joel squirm, 'Wasn't that back in the day? Wasn't Jesus like your carpentry teacher or something?'
'Oh fuck you.' He walked to their room, shaking his head as he mumbled to himself.
Becca watched him walk into their room. She turned back to the girls and smirked, 'You need to stop pushing his buttons. We don't need him to have another heart attack.'
Ellie shook her head and laughed,'It's fun though. He gets so bent out of shape at the littlest things. He likes it though.'
Becca nodded and snorted,'I'm sure he does.' She wagged her index finger in front of her face,'I'm going to get dressed. Be good you two.'
Ellie and Lizzie both looked at each other and smiled knowingly. They didn't promise to be good. They would try though.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Becca was in the kitchen getting the last minute preparations ready for dinner. Ellie and Lizzie were outside while Joel stayed in the kitchen to help her out. He seemed to enjoy cooking. He was getting better at it too.
She felt content today. There wasn't any impending dangers. No one was looking for them. That they knew of anyway. Everything was relatively quiet and peaceful. It made you wonder if something was on the horizon. The calm before the storm.
She looked over at Joel, who was busy cutting up vegetables. This all felt so domesticated. She could see them doing this on any ordinary day. She belonged here with him and Ellie. All roads led to them.
'They're here!' Ellie shouted into the house from the porch.
Becca took a deep breath as she took off her apron. She was surprised to find Joel following her. He placed his hand on her lower, keeping her grounded and steady.
They walked outside just as Maria and Tommy were getting off the horse. Sebastian was swaddled against her chest in a sling. She couldn't get over how much he looked like Joel and Tommy.
Joel would give her beautiful babies. She just knew it. He told her he was open to the idea. She thought that chapter of her life had been closed and sealed. She didn't honk about having children, thinking it wasn't in the cards for her. He helped her realize she did want them. She just never allowed herself the freedom of thought.
David tried to get her pregnant, but she took whatever precautions she could. She was glad she didn't have a baby with him. She had a clean break. The only thing that reminded her of Silver Lake were her memories.
Maria walked onto the porch as she embraced Becca,'It's good to see you.'
She kissed Sebastian on his forehead and kissed Maria's cheek,'You too. I feel like we haven't really spent a lot of time together recently. We've been busy.'
'I know.' She shook her head,'We need to make time for each other.'
Becca nodded and smiled softly,'I agree.'
Becca and Maria weren't always close. Their men had been the only thing they had in common. As time went by, they started to learn more about each other. Their time in captivity brought them closer together. They were like sisters. A bond formed between them, never to be broken.
Tommy walked onto the porch and hugged Becca,'Thanks for having us.'
'Thanks for coming.' Becca smiled. She looked over at Joel, who was staring at them with a fond look on his face. He looked happy today.
Maria picked up a bag and handed it to her,'I brought some stuff. Wine, my mother's casserole and a pie. I hope that's okay.'
'Are you kidding me?' She snorted,'The way Ellie and Joel eat? I don't think you've brought enough.'
'Hey.' Ellie frowned,'I don't eat everything. I hate broccoli.'
Becca smirked as Joel wrapped an arm around her shoulders,'I never made broccoli for you.' She frowned,'I can't find the seeds to grow them.'
Joel made a mental note to find some seeds for her while he went out to hunt. He loved seeing the smile on her face whenever he brought her something on his travels. She was so grateful and happy. He could give her a rock and she would appreciate it. She didn't ask much from him. She didn't take either.
Becca turned her head to see a wagon on the trail. Her eyes widened when she saw Richard and Sharon. She asked them to come, but she didn't think they would make it. The kids were staying with them and didn't feel comfortable leaving them alone.
She saw the two kids sitting in the wagon behind them. She felt hope uncurl within her. Maybe they were starting to come around and trust them.
Becca stepped away from them and walked down the steps to greet them. Richard halted the horse in front of their house. Sharon got our first and helped the children out of the wagon.
She walked up to Sharon and hugged her,'I'm so glad you decided to come.'
'Me too.' She rubbed her back and kissed her on the cheek,'I brought the children. I hope you don't mind.'
She looked over at them and shook her head,'I don't mind. The more, the merrier.'
She walked over to the children and crouched down in front of them,'Thank you so much for coming. We're so happy to have you here.'
Katie averted her eyes downward as she hid behind Joshua. They weren't siblings by blood, but she could tell the two of them were bonded and close. Trauma will do that to you.
'We're only here because Sharon made us come.' He glared at her,'This is bullshit.'
'Hey now.' Becca's voice was calm and soothing,'Don't curse in front of the young lady.'
Ellie walked over to them and ruffled Joshua's hair, making him flinch,'You read the last comic in the series?'
'I finished it yesterday.' He looked up at her warily, 'Can I borrow some more?'
Ellie's eyes widened and she nodded,'Absolutely. Come on. I'll show you what I have and you can pick what ya want.'
Joshua nodded silently as he followed her. She brought him into the house with Lizzie not too far behind. Joshua seemed to trust her. They had a lot in common and shaded a common interest in comic books.
She cautiously placed a hand on her arm,'You don't wanna hang out with the other kids?'
She shook her head, but didn't speak. She was the most difficult one out of the two. No one knows what happened to her. The unspeakable horrors she's endured. She was healing though. One day at a time.
Richard took Katie's hand as he smiled down at her, Come on, little lady. It's gonna be alright.'
'She likes him. Becca stated matter of factly,'She trusts him.'
Sharon nodded and smiled, like she wasn't even surprised,'Richard has that effect on people. She does like him. We lost all of our grandkids to the outbreak. This is good for them both, I think.
Becca wrapped her arm around Sharon's waist,'It's good for everybody.'
Sharon looked over at her and smiled. She couldn't argue with that.
The men, including Joshua and their dog Rudy all sat in the living room while the women finished cooking. Richard help some, but when Joel suggested to cook the turkey on the grill that's when they were cooked out of the kitchen. Men would a leather boot if it was grilled or deep fried.
Becca focused on all the food her mama would make for Thanksgiving. The southern staples. Collard greens, hush puppies and cornbread. She remembered helping her mama in the kitchen during holidays.
It was times like this she missed them more than anything.
Joel found himself staring at Becca in the kitchen. She was laughing with the girls as she took a sip of wine. He felt the warmth spread throughout him. It could be like this all the time. This was his for the taking if he wanted it. He wanted more than anything else in his life.
Tommy followed his gaze as he bounced Sebastian in his lap,'You can't ever take your eyes off her.'
'Can you blame me?' He snorted,'Have you seen her?'
'Yeah.' Tommy laughed,'I've seen her. I'm happy for you, man. You seem more relaxed than when you first got here. You seem…happier.
'I'm getting there.' He sighed,'I haven't celebrated anything in a long time.'
Tommy kissed the top of Sebastian's head as he looked up at him,'Remember when me and you deep fried that turkey and almost burned the house down?'
He laughed and shook his head,'Sarah was so mad. She started freaking out. She made me go and get another. We didn't eat until like nine waiting for it to be done.'
Tommy saw the fondness on his face talking about Sarah. He remembered their last Thanksgiving together vividly. Sarah had been so mad when they burned the turkey. It was a great day. Just the three of them, like it's always been. It never mattered to them that they were poor and couldn't go all out like everyone else did, but it was the best meal he's ever had. They had been together.
A week later, everything went to shit. It was the last holiday they spent together with just the three of them. As he looked around the room at their newfound family. He couldn't help but think this is what him and Joel dreamed about. He only wished Sarah had been around to see it.
'Here.' Tommy handed Sebastian over to Joel,'You can be on uncle duty.'
Joel carefully placed his arms around Sebastian. He gently ran his thumb over his chubby cheek, shaking his head in disbelief,'He looks a lot like Sarah when she was a baby.'
Tommy nodded and snorted,'No shit. We've always had strong genes.' He smirked knowingly,'Any plans for kids in the future?'
He sighed as bounced Sebastian on his lap, holding onto his hands,'I've been thinking about it.' He shook his head, whispering so only he could hear,'I know she wants kids, but she hasn't directly asked me. I've been clear about what I want.'
Tommy wouldn't pressure him about the details. He tended to close himself off whenever things got too personal. It was obvious he was struggling and making an effort to be normal. It's what they all were trying to do.
Becca was setting the table when she looked over at Joel. Sebastian was in his lap, excitedly bouncing his lap as his tiny fists waved in the air. Joel grabbed his hands and waved his arms around, making funny faces as the baby giggled.
Sharon leaned over her shoulder, whispering,'He's good with kids. They seem to love him too. That's a good sign.
Becca wanted to tell her kids aren't a good judge of character, but she wasn't a mother. What the hell did she know about raising kids? Was it in the cards for her? Did Joel really change his mind?
'Babies love everybody.' She looked back at Sharon, seeing the disbelieving look on her face. Even she didn't believe her bullshit.
Sharon stepped back from her as Becca continued to set the table. Joel raised his eyes up to look over at her. Their gazes met across the room.
He glanced at Sebastian as he turned back to her. He looked as if he were contemplating something. She gave him a smile and she saw a grin slowly spread across his face.
She was so fucked.
'Dinner is ready.' Sharon clapped her hands,'Come on, everybody.
The guys went into the kitchen and took their seats at the table. Joshua sat next to Ellie with Lizzie on the other side. Katie stayed close to Richard with his wife next to him. Maria and Tommy sat next to each. Sebastian was on her lap.
Becca and Joel sat at the head of the table. She remembered all the times she would sit at the head of the table with David. There wasn't any lively chatter like it is now. Everyone was obediently silent. Fear rather than thanks sat at the head of David's table.
Sharon clanked her fork against her wine glass, getting everyone's attention,'Before we eat. We should say grace.'
Becca felt her heart sink to her stomach. Grace. Prayers. It made her want to bash her head against the table. Before David, she believed in God. She had been a dutiful worshipper, going to church during the week and on weekends. He believed in the power of scriptures. She didn't believe in religion so much anymore.
She would let them have their grace. Just because it disgusted her, didn't mean others couldn't believe in him. She didn't trust religion. It brought the worst out in people.
Sharon grasped her hand as Ellie took hers. Becca and Ellie looked at each. They didn't feel comfortable about this. They were uneasy when it came to things like this. For Becca, prayer was punishment. For Ellie, it reminded her that God didn't exist. Why would someone do this people? What kind of God could watch people suffer?
Richard led the prayer as everyone bowed their heads. Becca didn't bow her head. She drowned our Richard as he recited the Lord's Prayer. Her heart pounded hard in her chest. The rhythmic thumping in her ears drowned him out.
She felt Joel's eyes on her and she turned to look at him. His head wasn't bowed. His hands were laying palm up on the table. He was gritting his teeth. He was angry about something.
As Richard finished he turned to everyone, his eyes landing on each one of them,'How about we tell the Lord what we're thankful for?'
Her eyes widened as she shook her head. David used to make them do this. Before they are their venison stew, one by one he would ask them to tell the Lord what they were thankful for. It was always the same line.
For David.
This wasn't for David. This was for her.
Joel let him have his grace and prayer. He wouldn't faith away from a man. He wouldn't have anyone making Becca uncomfortable in her own home. He didn't blame her for turning her back on God. He's had a crisis of faith a time or two. He wanted to believe in God. His mom and abuela were very religious. His Chilean culture was rooted in age old customs.
Ellie was up first. She didn't want to disappoint the man, but she wasn't comfortable with this. It was bullshit. She thought about David and recoiled in disgust.
'I'm not doing this.' She shook her head defiantly,'No fucking way.'
Joel stared at her incredulously as he looked over at Becca. She had a similar look on her face. Her body was tense and rigid. He didn't like it. Not one bit. Becca and Ellie shouldn't fear anyone in their home.
'That's enough.' Joel was calm, but there was a warning underlying his tone,'You had your grace, but in all due respect. We're serving food, not religion.'
Becca smiled at him gratefully. He understood better than anyone. He had been in Silver Lake. He witnessed the brutality they justified through religion. They hid behind their God and false idols. He wouldn't subject her to that again.
'You're absolutely right.' Richard nodded as he patted Joel's arm. He was understanding of his perspective. He had respect for a man's home and the people in it,'Let's dig in.'
They enjoyed dinner and each other's company. Everyone helped clear the table and put everything away. After cleaning up, they all retreated to the living room for coffee and dessert.
Tommy convinced everyone to play a round of football. He recalled how him and Joel used to play on Thanksgiving every year. Eve after all this time, they were bummed they couldn't watch football. Thanksgiving football games used to be a tradition in their household.
Maria and Becca sat on the porch with Sebastian while they watched everyone okay. They were each drinking a glass of wine.
Sebastian was sitting on Becca's lap as she gently bounced him. Maria watched her with her son, smiling softly,'I think he likes Auntie Becca.'
Becca smiled at that and shook her head in disbelief,'He looks a lot like Tommy. I see Joel in him too.'
'Yeah. Maria snorted,'I do all the brunt work and he comes out looking like him.' She sighed as she placed her hand on her leg,'How's things been going?'
'Okay. Great actually. I'm getting there, ya know?'
Maria nodded and smiled wryly,'Tommy won't stop hovering. He's getting on my last nerve.'
She shook her head and laughed,'Joel too. He refuses to let me out of his sight.'
Maria rubbed her son's back and sighed softly,'How does Joel feel about what you did?'
'I didn't want to.' She sighed,'Tess gave me no choice. I knew if I didn't do it than he wouldn't have. I guess I didn't want him to deal with that burden.'
Maria frowned as she looked over her face,'You make things too easy for him. You always have. He treats you like an asshole, says some pretty words and you run back to him. Don't let him have that kind've power over you, girl. Tommy loved Tess too, but I know he would've killed her if given the chance.'
Becca didn't have anything to say to that. She knew the woman was right. She gave him too much leeway.
Maria sighed and she reached into her bag, taking out a stack of photos,'These were in Tommy's box. He doesn't know I took them, but I figured you might want to see them.'
Her eyes widened slightly as she handed the photos over to her. She gave Sebastian back to Maria to look over the photos.
The top photo was of Joel standing with a young girl. She looked to be a mixed race. She has curly hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. She had Joel's eyes, but the rest was probably Esther. She was a beautiful young woman. She looked to be about Ellie's age, maybe a little younger.
She stared down at Joel. He looked so young. He was skinnier and his hair was completely black. No gray in it whatsoever. He looked to be in his late twenties.
Her arm was wrapped around him as they stood on the sidewalk in front of a house. They had goofy grins on their faces as Sarah stuck her tongue out. They looked so happy. She couldn't get over the way Joel looked. He didn't even look like the same man. He was boyishly handsome. Before time and desperation ravaged his body.
She turned the photo over, reading the date. 7/4/2002. A year before the outbreak.
She shuffled to the next photo. It was a photo of Tommy, Joel and a woman. They looked to be sitting in a bar. Tommy seemed to be snapping the photo. Joel's arms were wrapped around an African American woman. Her hands were grasping his arm as they smiled for the photo.
She shook her head in disbelief. This had to be Esther, Sarah's mother. They looked so much alike.
Becca saw the gold wedding band gleaming on his finger. Esther's stomach was swelling. She was pregnant with Sarah. Tommy and Joel looked so young. She couldn't reconcile in her mind this was the same men out on the field playing football.
She turned the photo around, reading the date 12/24/1990. That was a hell of a long time ago. Joel couldn't have been anymore than nineteen. He didn't have any facial hair and he was scrawny looking. Tommy looked younger, but the same. His face never changed. Joel's appearance changed drastically. Tommy had it easy. Joel never did.
She carefully placed the photo face down as she picked up the next one. Joel and Tommy were dressed in military uniforms, but they didn't look anything like the US army's fatigues. She recognized the insignia on their jackets. Fireflies.
She quickly placed the photo face down as she picked up the next one. Her eyes widened when she saw Tommy, Joel and Tess. They looked to be sitting in a park of sone kind. They were all dressed in their uniforms.
Tess looked so much younger as well. Her blonde hair was pulled into a long braid. Her face looked younger and less weathered. She didn't have heavy bags under her eyes or scars on her face. She was very beautiful. Just like Esther.
She wondered what Esther was like. Was she strong like Tess? Did she give him the freedom to be himself?
She shook her head as she looked at the next photo. Joel and Tess were sitting on a couch in an apartment of sone kind. There was a baby on her lap. A dark haired baby with dark eyes and a scowl to match Joel's. Her eyes widened in realization. This was William. Their son.
He was a gorgeous little boy. Chubby and happy. He looked well taken care of and loved. She thought about Joel killing him. He felt guilt for murdering his child, but he did the right thing. He didn't want his baby to suffer. Anyone would've done the same.
The rest of the photos were of Tommy and Joel during their Fireflies days. She particularly liked the closeup photo of Joel. There was a cigarette dangling from his mouth as he shot as he shot at something. He's always been a force to be reckoned with.'
Maria stared down at the photos and laughed,'It's wild, isn't it? To look at them before all this happened. What kind of men they used to be?'
'They looked so young.' She shook her head, Didn't you meet Tommy when you were in the Fireflies?'
'I did. He wasn't the same man you see today. He had a lot of issues to work through. We both did.' She sighed,'It took us awhile to get to this point.'
She looked over at Joel, who was celebrating a touchdown,'He told me everything. About him and Tess. The baby.'
'That's good.' She nodded,'You deserve to know. How do you feel about all of it?'
'There's nothing I can do to change anything.' She shook her head and sighed,'It isn't gonna change the fact it happened. I'm gonna marry him, Maria. I know it. If he can look past all my shit than I can do the same for him. I'm come with a lot of baggage too. We're both going into this knowing what we're about.'
Maria smiled at the conviction in her tone. She sounded a lot like herself when she first met Tommy. Everyone said they wouldn't last. He was too reckless and dangerous, but she didn't give up on him though. She saw the potential of the man he could be. All he needed to do was grow up a little first. He surpassed her expectations. He was her husband and the father of her child.
She watched as Tommy tackled his brother to the ground. They rolled around on the ground, hysterically laughing as Tommy grabbed the football from him and ran down the yard line.
When Joel first came here, she didn't trust. She was afraid Joel would take him away from her. She didn't want him falling back into old habits. She thought he was a bad influence. Once she got to know him, she realized Joel possessed the same qualities that made her fall in love with her husband. They were equally strong, loyal and protective of the people they cared about.
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It was around ten when everyone left. As much fun as Becca had, she was happy it was over with. All she wanted to do was get a shower, change into her pajamas and lay down with Joel.
After she was finished, she walked into the bedroom and frowned when she didn't see him. She walked over to the window and looked out, frowning when she saw him gallop out of the barn with Dusty.
She shook her head confusingly, wondering where in the hell he was running off to. She thought about just letting him be. He was a grown man. It wasn't her business to ask what he's doing, but she shared her life with him. She couldn't get over the nagging doubt.
She walked downstairs and put on her boots in coat over her pajamas. She didn't want to waste any time.
She pulled her hat and gloves on before going to the barn and retrieving Sadie. She saddled up her horse as she rode out of the barn. She sighed in relief when she saw him. She kept her distance from him, not wanting to draw any attention to herself.
She followed him to a clearing that was shrouded with shrubs and trees. She parked her horse away from his prying eyes. He wouldn't be happy with her following him. He valued his privacy, but he's overstepped plenty of times when it came to her own privacy. There were some things he didn't tell her. She needed to see for herself.
She walked closer to him as she hid behind a row of bushes. She watched as he took a wooden cross out of his bag. There was a shovel laying against of pile of rocks, making her feel nauseous. He didn't bring the shovel with him tonight. Had to left it here to use later? Their lake and property were so close to here.
He picked up the shovel as he began digging a hole. He dug down six foot deep. He was sweating with exertion by the time he was done. He wiped the sweat off his brow with a handkerchief.
He took out two small wooden boxes he carved himself. He carefully placed them in the hole and covered it with dirt. He pushed the cross into the mound of dirt.
He crouched down in front of it as he placed a bouquet of flowers on the grave. They were flowers from her garden. She wasn't angry. At least he put them to good use.
She didn't have to wonder who he was grieving. The boxes were enough for toe figure out what was going on. Tess and William. He was burying them into the ground together. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
She frowned as he took a sip of something out of his flask. She wondered when he started drinking again. Maybe he never stopped.
He placed his fist against his mouth as he placed his hand onto the mound of dirt,'I'm sorry, kid. I'm so sorry the way things turned out. I think about you every single day. Not a day goes by where I don't. I love you, son. I always will.' He sighed shakily, 'Tess, I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted. I'm so sorry about that. I loved you then and I love you now. You shouldn't have done what you did. I'm so sorry she killed you. I'm sorry.'
He broke down in sobs and she figured this was her cue to leave. Tears blurred her vision as she walked over to Sadie. She hopped on her as she rode back home. She couldn't get back home fast enough.
She was putting Sadie in the barn when she heard the door slide opened. She turned around to see Joel standing there. She kept her back facing her. She didn't want her face to give away anything.
He frowned as he saw her with Sadie,'You going somewhere in the middle of the night?'
'No.' She shook her head, making sure to keep her voice leveled,'Where do you go?'
'I needed to take a ride.' He sighed,'I needed to clear my head.'
She nodded silently, wondering how he could easily lie to her without remorse or regret. She wished she were like him. He seemed to have an on/off switch when it came to his emotions.
Becca knew there was no use competing with a dead woman, but she was the reason for her death. He had to hold some animosity towards her because of that.
She turned around as she gave him a small smile,'I'm going up to bed.'
He nodded as he rubbed her arm,'I'll be up in a few.'
She nodded silently as she walked out of the barn. Could he feel it? Did he even care that he was breaking her heart?