When Scully woke up, Mulder wasn't in the bed anymore. Alarmed, she sat up to look around the room, founding him curled up in the corner.

"Mulder," she called and he raised his head. His bloody eyes stared through her, as if he didn't really see her. As if he wasn't really in there. It scared the hell out of her, but she managed not to show it. "How long have you been up?"

"I…" Mulder looked at his hands. "I couldn't find my gun."

"Thank god…" Scully closed her eyes. She remembered taking Mulder's gun and hiding it between the towels in the bathroom. It wasn't the safest place but it was all she could think of in that moment. She didn't trust Mulder with a gun in his darkest moments.

"You took it," he said accusingly.

"Can you blame me?" she wondered.

He sighed, not answering. He didn't blame her, but he didn't agree with her either. It was his life, his choice. She didn't have to live with his memories. She didn't know how it felt.

"I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through," she confirmed his thoughts, almost as if she was reading his mind. "But what we found yesterday, the boy in the pictures… Mulder, he survived. He grew up into a wonderful man whose brilliant mind helped save countless lives. I know you have a lot to process and I know it's not going to be easy, but that boy is a fighter who never gives up. He survived."

"Did he, though?" Mulder asked her. "Or did he become an empty shell with nothing to give?"

"You have a lot to give," Scully assured him, trying to come up with an appropriate example.

"How about you give me a hand with the crib?" she finally offered, hoping that having something to do with his hands would calm his mind a little. "Bill sent me Matthew's old crib and it needs to be set up."

Mulder looked at his hands again, trying to assess whether he would be able to use them or not. They didn't shake today, but they still didn't feel like they belonged to him.

Scully got up and walked over to him, placing a hand on his head. "Come on. The crib is in the guest room. Well, I should stop calling it guest room now. The baby's room. I just need to use the bathroom first. Is that ok?"

Mulder nodded, feeling ashamed. "Take your time."

And so she did. She took a shower, got dressed, called Skinner, made the bed… By time she went to the baby's room, the crib was already done and Mulder was sitting on the floor, hugging a stuffed animal and silently crying. Scully sat down next to him, took the toy from him and let him cry on her shoulder, holding him until he had no more tears left.

"I've called Skinner and told him we aren't coming to work," she said when he calmed down enough to listen. "I'll make us breakfast and then perhaps we can go buy another crib?"

Mulder looked at her with puzzlement. "Are you having twins?"

"No," Scully smiled. "But I am not the only one having this child."

"What do you mean?"

"We need a crib for you place. For when the baby stays with you."

Mulder stood up and went to check out the crib. It looked fine and it felt comforting knowing that he was able to use these hands, supposedly his. A crib seemed to fit into Scully's guest room, but at his place? He didn't have room for it. And as much as he contemplated the idea recently, he didn't have room for a child in his life. His life was messy, just an endless stream of alterations between boredom and danger. What would he do with a baby?

Right now, he couldn't even find room in his heart. His heart felt empty, numb and irreversibly broken.

"I signed off my rights," he reminded Scully. "I'll respect that. I won't stand in your way."

"Regardless of the papers," Scully said, gently rubbing her belly. "This is your son. Nothing can change that."

"Son?" he looked at her, puzzled.

"It's a boy," Scully confirmed with a smile.

"Oh," Mulder didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. "Is that, um, what you wanted?"

"All I wanted was a healthy child. And he is. That's all that matters."

"Yeah," Mulder nervously looked around. "Of course."

"Mulder," Scully approached him. "Give me your hand."

Mulder just froze.

"It's ok," Scully said gently, offering her hand to him. "Come on."

She stood there and waited for Mulder to become comfortable enough to humor her request. It took a few moments of internal battle, but he finally obeyed, placing his hand into hers. He was shaking again. Scully gently squeezed his hand in encouragement, then slowly guided it to her stomach. He felt a gentle kick. Then another one.

Scully chuckled. "Did you feel that?"

Mulder nodded and she moved his hand a little to the left, searching for the best spot.

For a moment, life was good and everything was ok.

Only for a moment.

"I can't do this," Mulder suddenly declared, pulling away his hand as if he got burned.

"It's ok," Scully tried to assure him, but he took a step back and raised his hands in a giving-up gesture.

"No, it's not," he said. "Nothing has ever been ok. And I… I don't want you to watch me like this."

"Mulder, I'm a…"

"A doctor. And my friend. I know. I appreciate it. I just… I need to get out of here."

Scully sighed and her eyes filled with tears, faced with his determination. "Where will you go?"

"I don't…" Mulder looked at the floor. "I don't know what to tell you. I just need a. Space to. Breathe."

"I understand," Scully whispered. She meant it. They've just discovered a terrible suppressed memory and offering Mulder fatherhood on a plate must have seemed like a move out of pity, after she'd been making it clear that this child was solely hers for all this time. Her timing sucked.

"I wouldn't want this to come between us," Mulder had told her moments before he accepted to be the donor. He thought it sounded weird, and it didn't make sense to her at the time, but the pregnancy did come between them, in more ways than she could've imagined.

It made her selfish. She focused solely on the baby growing inside her, completely ignoring Mulder's feelings and wishes. He hardly mattered anymore. Their work didn't matter at all.

And now, watching her broken and lonely partner walk out of her apartment wearing nothing but her maternity sweatpants underneath his coat, she was too pregnant to insist on following him.

The baby was meant to change everything, but instead for the better, everything was getting worse, without Scully even noticing it on time.

And she only had herself to blame.