Author's Note: As I was writing this, a writer-friend pointed out to me that this story's length word-count borders to being an epic (and this bothers me for this story is not about light vs. dark. It's a slice of life/coming-of-age/romance story). I just want to clarify that the whole purpose of Salad Days is to fill in the gap between Yamato and Mimi with imagined happenings and circumstances among them and their friends. True, that this story is now invested to the other Chosen than what I have intended, but I feel it wouldn't be fair for the others to suffer in the character development department by shortening their 'appearance' here. If it all makes sense, while considering canon and my own headcanons, and with my resolve for Mimato to get together as more than just a fling or second love (but rather soulmates), I am compelled to make it as a one hell of a journey for them, for the readers, and especially for myself. (I never thought I'd be reaching to twenty-eight chapters!)
From now on the following chapters' lengths may range from 1800-5000 words. Take it as the Digimon Adventure teen drama you deserve.
Salad Days
Chapter Twenty-eight
Old and New
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Yamato was going to welcome the New Year with shinshu, mochi, and peppered steak, made by the one and only girl in his life (right now) – his dear oka-san. He always spends New Year's Eves with his mother and Takeru, for his father was always out for work. He faithfully followed this set-up during holidays – except for Christmas.
If there was anything this year had taught him: he should have spent more time with Natsuko. Then maybe I would have had a better relationship with Sora.
He poured a drink for himself as he watched reruns of shonen anime, and resolved that anime back then was better than today. Of course you think so, you nostalgic sap. He flipped through channels, unable to pick something to watch as he was lost inside his mind. The thought of the year ending in a couple of hours was growing inside him. It was making him cynical.
He made an imaginary list in his head – a list of wins and losses, that is. He chose to count his losses first: Sora was the first thing that came into his mind, and it was probably the omen of the following things to come, such as the opportunity to take Music instead of Physics (in which he ought he had chosen poorly). Well, it was technically more of a disadvantage, but still a loss, he thought.
Then the next was just very recent: him being kicked out of his band, the other biggest blow in the entire year. He still could not believe he was kicked out of his own band, my own fucking band. He was voted out for not being able to attend most band practices anymore - they voted me out for entering college, that's what it is! – it was the last thing he had, and now it was gone. He was now just Yamato the college student, without a girlfriend, or a hip hobby going on for his social status (yes, he actually cares about it, secretly). Embittered, he emptied his glass in one drinking.
Now for the wins: he thought long. He thought hard. He thought long and hard enough for him to daze off of his moldy socks.
Fuck.
He realized that he gained nothing but more losses and Christmas weight. With that realization, he drank again, with all his wishes he wouldn't get stuck in this rut for very long. Please tell me I'm going to get out of this downward-spiral..
"Why are you still dressed like that?" Takeru's voice came from behind. He sounded surprised.
"What do you mean I'm 'still' dressed like this?" spoke Yamato, who was in his favourite green sweater, pyjama slacks and socks. He sat up straight from the couch to look behind: Takeru in his winter get-up, along with a tacky and colorful bonnet. "Aren't you supposed to help mom cook for tomorrow? You know how meticulous oji-san is."
"Oka-san said we should drop by the temple," Takeru answered, adjusting his earmuffs.
"It's for good luck, Yama-chan," called Natsuko from the kitchen as he heard the clanging of dishes and pots.
Yamato leaned on the arm of the couch, unable to hide his dislike. His family was divided between Shintoism, Buddhism, and Catholicism (the last two, from his mother's side), and the variety had confused him enough to resolve his beliefs all on his own. Takeru was the opposite: he was a believer of everything.
"Wait a bit," he stood up from the couch, slipped on his fabric slippers as he went upstairs to get his coat. He might as well ask the higher beings and spirits for guidance. There wasn't much to lose anyway, especially when he felt like he just lost everything.
I'm being overly dramatic.
He grabbed some money, his scarf and gloves, before going down.
Takeru yawned, bored, sleepy, and hungry. He did nothing much during the winter break except for spamming his blog followers with photos of weird shapes of the clouds during the blizzard last week, and playing MMORPGs with Ken and Daisuke.
And Hikari was still not talking to him, just that very common 'Happy Christmas!' text message during the Eve.
"Aniki!" the younger blond called out. The sooner they go to the temple, the sooner they get back home. He then heard fast and heavy footsteps as his brother climbed down.
"You're not going out with that bonnet, are you?" asked Yamato, his brows meeting in disapproval.
"I'm using it, I just bought this!"
"Okay."
"Why? Don't you like it?"
"It doesn't match with your outfit."
"Tch. You're no tastemaker, aniki."
Yamato grunted and decided to let go of the issue. Temple. Ring the bell. Then home. "Let's just go."
They went to the kitchen first to kiss their mother goodbye, before leaving the house. The weather was still cold, but it was unlike the past few days when they had no choice but to stay home for days. This time, it was bearable. By the time they reached main street, the brothers hailed a cab, immediately got their ride with all the excitement to go home early.
Takeru's eyes wandered around. Like most of the time, he let his imagination run wild. "Aniki, should we go look for our illegitimate brother now?"
"What are you talking about," said Yamato who was mindless and uninterested as he scrolled through his phone. Sometimes he just could not understand Takeru.
"Ahh. Of course," Takeru snickered, coming off as a know-it-all as usual. "You always don't know what I'm talking about.." It was winter, and he was alone with his brother. He found that there's just something literary about it – going out in the snow. He didn't care if there were only two of them, and not three. Now if only we were Russians…
The ride on their way to the temple was quick. When they got off, they were greeted by a crowd blocking the entrance. They managed to get in by squirming through, like squeezing in a can of sardines. Yamato swore he almost broke a sweat.
"Well, that only took us ten minutes to reach here," said Takeru in sarcasm. They just got out of the crowd, and it felt like it took all of his energy. When he looked at bell, he was surprised to see how short the line was.
They took advantage of the length, lined up behind an old couple. Yamato watched the couple the entire time they waited, starting to envy them. I guess there is forever for some people.. he thought, the rest of his ponder going cynical again.
The old woman suddenly put her arm around her husband, and the man kissed her on the forehead. Yamato sighed and looked away.
"Aww.." the younger blond fawned over the couple in a whisper. "Hey aniki, wasn't that sweet?"
The eldest gave a sincere yet weakened smile. He was happy for the couple, genuinely. "Yeah, yeah, yeah.." Of course, it didn't stop him from feeling pathetic.
After five minutes, it was their turn to ring the bell. With all the right gestures, claps, and bows, Yamato and Takeru pulled the rope together, then reflected earnestly of their hopes and wishes.
Please let me get through everything. I promise to be nicer to everyone, asked Yamato in silence. He released his hands, dropped them to his sides. He went to a corner to wait for Takeru, wanting to go home already and eat New Year's Eve food.
Takeru took it more to heart. His hands were in a firm prayer-form, eyes tight shut, trying to concentrate on his prayer. Good health, good grades, good life, good everything.. umm.. maybe fix my relationship with Hikari-chan, too.. uhh.. nevermind – you're not supposed to be selfish, Takeru! – anyway, I only ask for this year to be a memorable and good one! Please and thank you.
Takeru was also keen in to going home when he finished his prayer. They were about to, as they headed for the exit – until he saw a familiar haircut and color to his farthest right. She was accompanied by two other people, too. His instinct, of course, was unsurprising.
"Aniki," Takeru dragged Yamato at the dark, hid behind a nearby tree. The spot was open enough for them to see the entire place.
"What is it?" he whispered, trying to find out from whom his brother was hiding. Takeru pointed to three brown-haired people standing at the amazake (sweet rice wine) booth. The three of them were all wearing red.
It didn't take long for Yamato to recognize them. It was Taichi, Hikari, and Mimi, all of them drinking sweet wine. They broke into laughter, with Mimi and Hikari holding each other as Taichi continued to talk. And when it seemed he was done, Mimi leaned in to kiss him, with Hikari giggling at the side.
Of course they're going to publicly display their affection. This is Mimi we're talking about.. He thought as he rolled his eyes. What Taichi and Mimi have was nhone of the Japanese-conservative-private-relationship-like-he-had-with-Sora bullshit.
Well, they look happy.. he thought, but he wasn't so sure if he was entirely happy for them.
"Taichi-kun and Mimi-chan look so cute together," laughed Takeru, who also witnessed the scene.
"Yeah, they do," agreed Yamato. But he felt bad that he only half-meant it. You're just bitter because you're single, Ishida.
"It's like a club for brownies," said Takeru, noticing how the three of them looked so alike, even in their coats. They were starting to behave alike, too – all three of them. It was unusually envious.
"Do you want to go there and say hi?" offered Yamato. Of course, he was just saying this. He didn't want to see Mimi and Taichi fondle on front of him and make him feel the loneliest person in the world. Being single was something he was still getting used to.
"No," replied Takeru. "Hikari doesn't want to see me. I'm sure of that."
"You're afraid of Hikari?"
"You know what happened.." he answered. "I screwed it."
"It's Hikari. And from what I remember, you're the one who dumped her."
"I know I did but that doesn't mean I don't like her back," he defended in a hiss, ignoring his brother indifference. "Besides, I really don't think she'd ever want me back even as friends,"
"How can you think like that when she had already confessed to you?!" asked Yamato in disbelief.
"Well, aniki, in case you don't notice, I'm still single,"
"That doesn't make sense. You're single by choice,"
"You know I have my reasons,"
"I'm starting to believe you're a masochist."
"Of course I am. My pain is my art."
"Oh, cry me a river."
"That's your style."
Yamato smirked. He had taught the little brat too well. Yamato went out of the shade, looked at his brother, who was still hiding behind a tree. You look like a hippie Peeping Tom, he chuckled at the image. "Come on, let's stop this. We can leave from the other side, you know."
Takeru went out of the shadows, removed his rainbow-colored bonnet. "I think it might attract her attention."
Yamato rolled his eyes as he readjusted his scarf. "You look better without it. Now let's go."
With one last look at the trio in red, Yamato and Takeru went south of the temple, with the heaviest of hearts.
"God, you are disgusting," said Mimi, playfully hitting Taichi by the arm. "Hikari, how can your brother be so repulsive and cute at the same time?"
"Don't ask me about that Mimi-chan," giggled Hikari. "I've heard and smelled onii-san's farts too many a time for me to think he's cute,"
"Oh sure, go rat me out to Mimi, will you," Taichi folded his arms with a mischievous look. "I still don't get why swallowing my gargles is such a gross thing. Ask Yamato, even he does it."
"Eew!" the girls exclaimed in disgust. Mimi suddenly lost her appetite to finish her drink. Hikari, who had been laughing the entire time, wanted nothing more than to just take a sip of her wine – but couldn't, for she was too giggly.
"There's a difference between gargling mouthwash and gargling.." Mimi heaved; the word was at the tip of her tongue. She was hesitating to say it, for her imagination was running very fast. Nonetheless, she chose to finish her sentence to reinforce her argument. "…and gargling a drink!"
"My throat hurts," he answered simply, holding his paper cup as if he was about to give someone a toast. "It's really cold out here too, you know." He took a big drink of the wine, and held it for ten seconds before gulping it. The girls winced out of disgust, moved away from him for he was just too cruel.
Hikari and Mimi looked at each other, both defeated. "I'm sorry you have to see onii-san like this, Mimi-chan," she apologized. She couldn't help but worry that Mimi might get turned off, and eventually leave his brother because of his strange habits. This particular one – he does it very often during the winter.
"You don't have to be sorry, HIkari!" reassured Mimi. She took a sip from her cup, and somewhat started to imagine what Taichi's gargled-residue tasted like. Yuck, Mimi! "Though, I still am wondering how the two of you are related. Are you sure he isn't adopted or anything?" she said with a chuckle.
"Onii-san has a lot of weird habits, and they change every season," giggled Hikari. She thought of revealing those habits now to Mimi, keen to know her reactions and resolve.
"Like what?"
"During the summer, he takes five baths a day; in autumn he only eats spicy food, most of the time it's ramen," said Hikari, blushing. Mimi's curious face hasn't moved an inch. Okay, then here's the big one. "and then during the spring, he only washes his hair once a week.. with lemon juice and coconut milk."
Mimi's eyes narrowed, her lips pursed. Taichi's lifestyle made her very curious about her own. It must be a remedy for something… "Why does he put lemon juice and coconut milk on his hair? During spring?"
"I don't know," she replied with an apologetic smile. She took a sip from her cup, noticed that her wine had gone cold already. "Oka-san thinks it's weird, too."
Mimi smirked at Taichi's direction; he was getting another cup of amazake. Her eyes went back to the younger girl she's with, unable to resist in to thinking how great of a sister she is. Being an only child, she always wished to have a baby sister to play with and to talk to. Mimi had imagined many times what it could have been like if she were sisters with Sora and Hikari. Sora would have been the most responsible sister. She herself would be the perfect middle child. Hikari would be their most protected imouto. Stupid Takeru. How can he reject this precious?! "Hikari-chan,"
"Yes, Mimi-chan?"
Not even Mimi could resist Hikari's naivety and delicateness. Taichi must be having a hard time protecting her. "I know it's none of my business but I'm worried, and I guess I just want to feel relaxed about it," said Mimi, biting her lip. "Are you okay?"
"Ahh.. of course Mimi-chan!" she said with a smile. "Why? What made you ask?"
Mimi stared down to her cup, carefully picking her words. "Ahh.. I heard from Miya-chan, you see.. that you broke down at school.."
The younger brunette immediately blushed out of embarrassment. Her gaze fell down to her cup. "Did you tell onii-san?"
Mimi shook her head. "I hope you don't get angry at Miyako-chan," said Mimi further. "I think she's worried and wanted to help.. but doesn't know how to.. and so she asked me.."
"Ahh.. it's alright," said Hikari, sipping from her chilled wine. She was still avoiding Mimi's gaze.
"Ahh.. at that time, everything just took a toll on me.. you know.. everything." It was then she realized how tough things were for her this year. There were a lot that had happened, but now, at least right now, she was glad to say she's been dealing with it pretty well. She suddenly felt Mimi's hand hold hers. Hikari looked up to be greeted with Mimi's smile. It felt nice to be looked out for.
No wonder onii-san likes you, thought Hikari as she smiled back.
"But I'm okay now," added Hikari, her face lightening up as she looked to the sky. "My new year's resolution is to be more open with my feelings, and to treat myself better. Hehe." she continued on with a blush. "When I say it like that, it sounds like I'm trying to be like you, Mimi-chan,"
The other girl could not help but grin. "Should I take that as compliment?"
"No it was actually meant to insult you," she replied, and they both broke into giggles. "Ahh.. I just hope we get through this year,"
"Yeah.." replied Mimi. And she knew that the struggle for the Yagami siblings was far from over. Susumu-ji-san was still in the hospital, and had fallen in to comatose; and considering all that she had learned from Taichi's and Hikari's lives, she couldn't help but admire how strong they both were. If she was in Hikari's place, she'd probably do something more than just a breakdown. With that in mind, she came to remember her relapses with her vices; and the night Yamato jumped down the bridge.
She looked at Hikari, who was all quiet and pensive, amber eyes looking into nothingness. Mimi sighed in relief. At least it never crossed her mind.
All the negative things, she thought, I should conquer them before they conquer me.. but how?
"How do you become stronger..?" she didn't notice she was thinking out loud, and Hikari heard her.
"What?"
"Oh..!" not wanting to show any weakness, Mimi just smiled. "It's nothing,"
Hikari pried no more when she saw her smile. It wasn't a smile of reassurance, rather a smile akin to a mask. Since her brother and Mimi started dating, she had been spending a lot of time with them during her free days. And there was one thing Hikari kept noticing about her, thanks to her observations and scarily accurate gut feeling –
Mimi Tachikawa was suffering. Hikari could not pinpoint why, whether if she had caught her many a time spacing out, or if it was because Mimi kept so mum whenever Koushiro's name was heard, or whenever she caught her sneaking a cigarette outside school, but she felt strongly of Mimi's energy often dwindling between the darkness and light.
Suffering. She is, and no one knows it – perhaps not even Mimi herself.
Hikari emptied her cup in hesitance, trying to absorb this revelation she had uncovered. Maybe we're not so different..
"We should do more fun things this year," chirped Mimi as she snapped out of her thoughts. "As for me, I promise to be stronger now!" Heart and mind, Mimi!
Taichi had finally joined their conversation. He had already finished his drink. "Stronger?"
"Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.. everything!"
He chuckled impishly. "Okay, you do that."
Mimi and Hikari looked at each other shrewdly. "Heh. I learned you wash your hair with lemon juice and coconut milk," informed Mimi in a taunting voice. "Why?"
"Because it makes my hair nice," he answered abruptly while lightly touching his hair. He turned to his sister, who looked docile as ever. He would not be fooled and gave her a lopsided grin. "And thank you, Hikari, for ratting me out to Mimi again. I swear I won't bring you with us anymore,"
"Aww, but third-wheeling with you guys is fun," teased Hikari. "You become more generous when Mimi-chan's around,"
"You're leeching off of me," he said as he rolled his eyes. He turned to Mimi, who was having too much of a good time. "Anyway, why? What's wrong with washing my hair with natural stuff?!"
"Are you trying to grow flowers in your hair?" joked the eldest brunette.
"If you know, Tachikawa-san, lemon juice and coconut milk makes the hair grow finer and longer. Just feel how soft it is," he said proudly as he brushed a hand through his mane.
"It does?" Mimi leaned in to feel his hair. Though she and Taichi have been really intimate, she didn't notice how smooth and fluffy his bushy hair actually is, until now. It was softer than what she had imagined. I'm definitely going to try that. "Oh my God. All this time I thought your hair was a bird's nest,"
Hikari watched the couple in contentment. The last time she saw her brother at his happiest was when his team won the district football league – which was three years ago. She took out her camera in stealth, took candid photos of the couple. They seemed really happy, and that made her happy, too. You deserve it, onii-san.
"Anyway, we should get back to the hospital," said Taichi as he looked at his wristwatch. It was two hours before the New Year. "Let's take Mimi home first."
They headed for the northern entrance. Hikari could not understand why it was so crowded at the entrance, then so spacious inside. Is everyone waiting for something? For someone? A parade? She thought, while bumping shoulders with a passerby. It was a rather strong bump, and she almost lost her balance.
"Hikari-chan?" It was Koushiro, in his plaid winter coat and white earmuffs. He held a videocam with him, and he was alone.
He's going to videoshoot the New Year? guessed Hikari. The camera looked exquisite.
"Ohh, Koushiro-san! Happy New Year!" The girl smiled, picking up the empty paper cup that fell from her hand. Taichi and Mimi then showed up from behind, both surprised to see him.
"Koushiro!" the couple exclaimed. Koushiro blushed, didn't expect his presence to be welcomed warmly. Especially not by Taichi and Mimi.
"Kou-kun, Happy New Year!" The older brunette didn't hesitate to give the redhead a brief hug. Taichi placed a hand on his shoulder, said his greetings as well. Taichi wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was actually glad to see Koushiro again. He missed him, and he wanted to ask so many things, and tell him more things. But for the whole time, he only held his tongue , unable to break the wall between them.
"Ahh.. Thank you Mimi-chan, Taichi-kun," Koushiro felt awkward, embarrassed, knowing that it wasn't even the first of January yet and they were already greeting him. They were all smiles, trying their best to make everything normal. All the more he was compelled to get out of their way, so they wouldn't worry about him. I'm not ready for this yet.
"I'm going to go now, I'm making a short video for my mother," he said, faking a smile. He was starting to become a good actor: Unfortunately, all three of them were better at it, and saw right through him.
Hikari, being the more observant one, looked at the three, noticed how her brother and Mimi were disappointed to find out that he needed to go. "Ohh.. Okay.." she managed to say. "I hope you hang out with us next time, Koushiro-san,"
The redhead gave a small nod. They greeted him a "Happy New Year" again, before parting their ways. He disappeared, just like a ghost of the winter, a memory that seemed so long ago; and Taichi feared he might just become one to him.
"Ahh.. I'm sure everything will be okay again, onii-san." His little sister tried her best to comfort the couple, changing the topic and all. But for most of the time, Taichi remained mum, under the calm demeanor
"He'll be okay.." said Mimi. Of course it was a lie. But Mimi knew there really was no point anymore to force Koushiro. There's nothing else we can do.. "We tried our best." She assured, slipping her hand in his.
"Yeah.." Taichi wasn't sure, and he wanted to go back to talk to their redheaded friend, who's probably all alone again to film the fireworks and whatnot. But he kept walking forward, tightened his hand on hers, with all the hope that his dad, his relationship with Koushiro, college, his part-time, this relationship with Mimi – everything – would turn all right for the coming year.
Yamato and Takeru were already at the back of the temple, passing by people who held on their charms and fortunes. Takeru did not want the opportunity to pass by.
"We should get our fortunes first, aniki," the younger blond said. Yamato scrunched his brows in disagreement, but said nothing else as he followed his little brother. Why must Takeru be so.. gullible?
Next to the charms shop was a huge wooden board, covered in thousands of paper strips; like flowers, he and Takeru plucked two paper strips which held their fortune.
Yamato, of course, was very cynical. He unfolded his fortune and it read in sumi-ink: good-luck: Love will bloom even before the spring. He raised a brow, amused that he didn't get a curse this time. He glanced at Takeru, who became eerily quiet.
Bad-luck: You must act now before it's too late, it read. Act on what? thought Takeru. He grunted, stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket.
"What did yours say?" asked Yamato, who was still holding his fortune. He seemed very proud of it.
"Ehh.." Takeru scowled. "it was an advice." A bad one, he thought bitterly.
"Are you going to follow it?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Bad advice."
"Hmm.."
"You had a good one, didn't you?"
"Hehe."
"The world is unfair."
Yamato had already thought of a rebuttal, but he didn't get to say it, when he spotted a girl in red and a boy in blue. He took Takeru's hand, dragged him to the farthest corner of the place.
Being dragged, Takeru turned his head to look back, saw Sora and Jyou together, buying good luck charms. The next thing he noticed – they were holding hands. Takeru turned to his brother, who was just as shocked as he is. They did not talk until they found another hiding spot.
"Woah," Takeru bent, his knees supporting his upper limbs. They were now at the southern entrance of the temple, where there were barely any people. He watched his brother pace back and forth, pondering from what he had just seen.
"Aniki, did you know about it?"
"I might have foreseen it," answered Yamato.
This was the first time Yamato had seen Sora since Mimi's birthday last summer. And though he had only seen her for a good five seconds tonight, he noticed that she had gained some weight. Her face was fuller, livelier, happier – her skin was glowing. And by her side, Jyou, looked calmer, more serene-looking than the last time he saw him. The change was drastic.
His little brother looked warily at him, trying to read his emotions. But Yamato remained silent and still, not a glint of tears or mirth in his eyes. Takeru sat on the footsteps of the stony stairs, with a hand under his chin, he got lost in his ponder.
"They're actually a nice match, if you think about it," Yamato spoke at last. He was rather surprised by the absence of his own disbelief. He always assumed Sora would go to Taichi – the best friend, the childhood friend, her almost lover: but thinking about it now, she and Jyou, they were also an even match.
"Yeah." Takeru wasn't really that staggered. Even now, he still looked up to them as the otou-san and oka-san of the group. Though, he really did think Sora would go to Taichi. And that Taichi would go to her, and not Mimi, he thought.
"Hehe. The couples in our group are unexpected matches, no?"
"A bit," the older blond answered truthfully.
"So how do you feel about it?"
"About what?"
"Seeing them?"
"I'm okay, I guess."
"Ehh.. If you say so, aniki. Don't you come crying to me later."
"That'd be you.. You wuss."
"There was nothing wrong with what I did,"
"You're avoiding her."
"I am because she's avoiding me and doesn't want me."
"I really hate it when you talk like that,"
"Then don't bring it up."
The two brothers fell silent, noticing that their playful and supposedly lighthearted banter was turning into something more serious. Takeru dug through his pocket and took out his fortune, and re-read it again: You must act now before it's too late… You must act now before it's too late… You must act now before it's too late…
There was only one thing in his mind that his fortune can be applied to. But he was too resolved to even have second thoughts. "You know, if I had chosen to went out with her, we would fail as a couple,"
Yamato sat beside him. "What makes you think like that, really?"
"I mean, you know.. we're both not.. you know.." rambled Takeru. He was so frustrated that he started wearing his rainbow-colored bonnet again. "I'd completely lose her if it doesn't work out."
Yamato sighed, stared at his brother with all his might to be more patient with him. "Aren't you already losing her by not facing her?"
"We haven't started anything, and we've been friends for years," he said. "I know Hikari. She wouldn't let our friendship crumble over this."
"Now you're just taking her for granted."
"I'm looking out for her," corrected Takeru. "I don't trust myself on relationships yet. Not completely."
Yamato heaved in defeat. Though, he wasn't feeling too frustrated about it anymore. "Believe what you want..." he said. He finally admitted that he would never win over his little brother's 'logic'.
Takeru sighed. He knew what his brother meant. And in fact, he does make sense. It's just.. "You know what aniki?"
"What?"
"Sometimes I blame mom and dad that I turned out like this."
Yamato laughed, a little bit too loud that it surprised Takeru. The younger blond rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed.
"See, now that's the thing you need let go of," said Yamato, who was still chuckling. "Make it your New Year's resolution, Takeru,"
"Don't tell me that the divorce didn't affect your love-life or relationship-handling in any way," taunted Takeru.
"Of course it did. Greatly," admitted Yamato. He thought there was no shame in it. "If you're going to notice anything similar between us, you and I are always worried. Anxious."
"I don't have anxiety issues. I'm actually living a perfectly normal life," argued Takeru. "I'm just being extra careful with Hikari, that's all."
"Being obsessively careful, you mean." Replied Yamato. He would not say it to Takeru, but Yamato could already tell from his eyes how sad he really is.
Takeru scrunched his brows in confusion. He just couldn't see it. "Like Jyou-senpai-kind-of-anxiety?"
"No, ours is actually more terrible. Especially when it comes to relationships." answered Yamato. This was something Yamato had been speculating for months now, when he started to think of the possibility of Sora and Jyou: the difference between Jyou's relationship-anxiety and his is that Jyou's would immediately fade away, right after reason was put to it. His was the sort that would stay for a very long time. His was more stubborn, more secretive. It's probably what made Sora break up with me.
"I don't get it," Takeru said, now coddling himself in his coat. "All I know is, the divorce messed up my understanding of how relationships work. And I'm going to stick with what I know because there's just no point in forcing myself."
The eldest rolled his eyes, now disinterested. He watched some fireworks shooting afar. He looked at his watch, realizing there was still time to muse over their issues; for when the new year comes, he must get his shit together.
There'd be no room for dilly-dallying. No more jumping off of bridges, nor being bitter about the band, nor questioning the certainty of his future. No more heartbreak.
"I wonder what would mom and dad say about this.." Takeru thought out loud.
Yamato playfully bonked him on the head. "Don't tell them that. They're going to blame themselves forever."