Salad Days

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ebb & Flow

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Hikari watched the number of visitors minimize in scrutiny. The funeral was almost over; the casket that was once at the altar was replaced by a jar. She could have sworn she had fallen asleep next to the coffin, but here she was, coming out of the hallway, feeling like she just recovered from one of her asthma attacks. I'm pretty sure I just fell asleep..

In a few seconds, it had dawned on her that the cremation ceremony was finished.

With hurried steps, she walked towards the altar, taking the jar with her and hugged it. She knew she shouldn't do it, but she wasn't there for his burning.

She was angry. No one bothered waking her up. Did oka-san wake up too? It bothered her to bits since it was customary for all family members to at least say their last farewell. She didn't get to say hers.

Her eyes traveled to Takeru and Daisuke, both highly engrossed in their conversation with her grandmother Yukiko. Her cheeks reddened and her brows subtly met, remembering Takeru earlier today and how he dared to even confess to her.

How dare he, alright, she thought bitterly, her own feelings for him and her brother had her conclude that the people she loved were cowards (perhaps a little slack for her brother).

In another universe, she would have been happy with Takeru's confession. But the damage has already been inflicted.

However, in spite of her own, mixed feelings towards the blond boy, Hikari couldn't help but feel grateful he came. Today was not about her feelings; it was about honoring the memory of her father.

She slowly walked towards them, her growing presence (thanks to her orchid and coal odour) gradually moistening Takeru's palms. Daisuke gave her a sympathetic embrace as Takeru muttered his condolences.

"Thanks." she replied softly, the grip on the jar tightening.

Yukiko noticed her granddaughter joining their group. "Ara ara.. Hikari-chan, are you feeling better now?"

"No one woke me up, oba-san," the tone in her voice resonated her repressed hurt and frustration. She wanted to at least part from her father in ceremonial perfection.

"My child, it was for the best we didn't," she replied, smiling, as if no error was committed. "You passed out after playing this wake's shinigami,"

Daisuke giggled, with Takeru letting out a smirk. The brunette flushed as ruddy as the jar she was holding, biting her lip to prevent herself from giggling. Oba-san probably didn't mean it to be a joke.

"Still.." she cleared her throat. "I would have liked it better if I was there."

She turned to the two boys with an indirect inquiry in mind for Takeru. "Did any of you move me from the altar?"

"It wasn't me," Daisuke answered.

"Not me either," followed Takeru as he shook his head. Hikari wouldn't admit It, but she felt a tad bit disappointed.

"Your mother wasn't at the ceremony either," spoke Yukiko from Hikari's left.

"Oka-san's still not okay.." she lamented. She felt Daisuke's hand on her shoulder, comforting her.

"It's probably harder for her., so.." Daisuke trailed off as she saw Taichi coming out from a room, and the rest followed the maroon boy's line of sight.

The older Yagami glanced to and fro, immediately dashing out of the room and went elsewhere.

Hikari sighed.

"It was Taichi-kun," answered Yukiko, surprising the three. "Your oni-chan took you to your room."

"Yeah, I saw it too," confirmed Daisuke. Hikari looked around the living room, checking if her brother was to be found; there was only Mimi resting her head on Yamato's shoulders, and then the rest of her relatives scattered around in idle chatter. Her embarrassment was saved.

Oni-san.. she lamented, mixed with her remaining frustration. If only he opened up to her, then it would have been easier. Her train of thought was interrupted when her grandmother spoke again.

"And Hikari, you should put down that jar,"

The two boys exchanged weird glances.

"You probably shouldn't do that," said Takeru meekly. Despite his effort to not sound offensive, the brunette still took it to heart.

"I wasn't at the ceremony," she frowned at him, in an instant all the bad memories with Takeru flashing right before her. Maybe she wasn't ready to forgive him after all.

Before she could even snap at him some more, Yukiko interjected again. "I don't want your father becoming the residential ghost, no?"

Takeru couldn't help but laugh, oba-san's humor was always spot-on even if she didn't mean to. Hikari was obviously blushing now, and with polite demeanor, she apologized to her grandmother and excused herself from the huddle to return the jar.

The blond watched her every move, from the way she knelt down on her knees, to her fingers brushing the altar to clear it from dust, to her hands clasping as she mediated her prayer. He watched her still, Daisuke already leading Yukiko oba-san to the next room where she could take a seat, and not even the scandalous display of "friendly" affection of his brother and Mimi from the corner most left of the area was distracting him.

He told her he loved her during her sleep. His regrets were beginning to culminate in his head. He was losing her - he knew that now. So when Hikari finished her prayer, Takeru knelt next to her, his eyes leveling hers. He was about to say something that came along with his apologetic smile, but Hikari beat him first with an equally calm one, her caramel eyes pleading.

She knew what he was going to say.

"Takeru.." she breathed. "I don't like to be pitied."

The group sans the Yagami siblings decided to head to the nearest izakaya before going back to Odaiba. With most of them wearing suit-and-tie and formal wear, they figured it would be pretty easy for them to pass off as adults without identity verification.

On their way to the bar, however, was just one problem that all of them couldn't overlook - Mimi.

"Are you sure?" Sora repeated the question for the third time now. It still has not sunk into her that Taichi just ended his relationship with Mimi.

"I am," emphasized Yamato as soft yet audible as he could, not wanting to let the brunette - who was holding his hand - to know they were talking about her. "she told me."

Yamato felt Mimi squeeze his hand, as if trying to get his undivided attention. He glanced at her and squeezed her hand back, their eyes locking on to each other with mutual understanding. She sought for reassurance.

"Hey," he tugged her lightly closer to him. "It's going to be okay."

She closed her eyes and nodded in agreement.

Sora saw all of this just from her left shoulder. There were many things wrong with what's happening, but she knew from the get-go, there was nothing she could do. Her mind racing how it had come to this.

"This is bad," whispered Jyou next to her, followed by a sigh. He happened to be watching Yamato and Mimi as well. He could already foresee several ways this could go wrong. Sora couldn't help but blame Taichi in her head, berating him incessantly, but she knew too this wasn't just on him.

Mimi..

But how could she even blame her after all she's been through?

"I don't know what to do, senpai," she managed as her soft voice trembled, running a hand through her red hair.

And within exchanged glances, the couple knew there was nothing much that could be done. The redhead gulped the lump in her throat, her eyes watery as she saw how broken they looked. She loved them so dearly, even Yamato. Her heart ached for him, knowing that by the end of all of this, he gets the shorter end.

She turned her head away from them.

From the back, Koushiro, Daisuke, and Takeru were also witnessing the scene before them. To see Mimi confide to no one but Yamato after the news of her break up.. spoke volumes. The mood was definitely toxic.

"I never knew Mimi-chan and Yamato-san to be this close," the naive and oblivious Daisuke speaking the painfully obvious hit both Takeru and Koushiro. Especially Koushiro. The once most distant person from Mimi was now her closest.

Takeru gritted his teeth as he tried to distract himself with the shops and houses they passed by.

He could not wait to take a seat and demand answers from his brother. Why are they holding hands? She isn't his girlfriend, she is Taichi's, for fuck's sake - and it didn't help that his brother's former lover was just beside him, too. It was as if people were just exchanging lovers and partners whenever they please.

Partly, he was beginning to resent Mimi too. He couldn't help but wonder if she was aware that she's using his dear aniki as an emotional band-aid or rebound. He hate to say it, but the Mimi he used to admire was fading from his fond memories. He will always look out for his brother, above anyone else.

The walk continued for ten minutes more without anyone speaking.

They quickly ordered their dinner as they reached the izakaya, settling down on the warming tatami mat. All eyes fixated on Mimi as she lamely sat on her knees between Yamato and Sora.

Out of it, Takeru mentally described.

"What happened, Mimi?" Sora began her inquiry as she sipped on the house tea. The brunette looked up and sadly smiled, her eyes returning back to the plate she was fixated on.

"Taichi doesn't want me anymore," she spoke softly.

"Did he tell you why?" pressed on Takeru. No more dilly-dallying, he thought.

She shook her head and sighed.

The younger blond cleared his throat as he glanced at his brother. "Don't you think you two are just overreacting to this, Mimi-chan? You two are just both very emotional and it's likely you're just-"

He stopped before he could finish, his statement immediately earned him glares from Sora and his brother. He didn't mind though. Someone has to say it. Now, he only wished he had the same audacity when he dealt with Hikari, before the worst.

Mimi was taken aback. She hasn't considered that point of view before. And now realizing it, she couldn't help but feel guilty for allowing her weaknesses to dominate her. She was being selfish. She didn't want to leave Taichi. She didn't want to go back lonely and unloved. But he asked me to..

Confused, she held a palm over her eyes and began to weep. "I didn't mean to.." she whimpered.

The breakdown prompted Yamato and Sora to comfort her, soothing her with words. Oh God, it felt terrible when they did, making her feel like a helpless child, and even worse as she realized she needed them so much. It's during moments of weakness did she hate herself the most. She was supposed to be the "life of the party", "every one's Mimi", the one cheering everyone up. The one who can ease Taichi's grief, or help Sora and Jyou-senpai destress from their constant worries, make Koushiro laugh with her lame puns, or put a rare smile on Yamato's face.

She looked at the flaxen-haired boy beside her. Yamato. She was so grateful to have him by her side, yet guilty to put him all through her baggage.

What is wrong with me?

She held him as her way of apologizing. No words came out from her.

Koushiro could only watch, unable to say anything at all. His own feelings were mixed now, too. Just hours ago he could have kissed Taichi's feet and beg for his forgiveness, do anything he wanted to repair their friendship, but seeing Mimi cry over him changed that. How can Taichi just throw her away so easily? The reminder that Mimi picked Taichi over him relived the pang in his heart. He looked away as he took his phone and played games instead.

"I thought you knew better, Takeru-kun," reprimanded Jyou to the boy, his stern, bespectacled eyes watching the scene across him.

"I only said what should be said," the blond shrugged, feeling annoyed as he watched his brother-who-was-obviously-in-love comfort the girl. "He's digging his own grave, you know."

Daisuke heard him, his interest piqued. "What? Who's digging his own grave?"

"He is," spoke Jyou, ignoring the maroon-haired boy. It was best to keep him in the dark about this. Ignorance is bliss.

"It's stupid," the young blond let out a groan. "And it's obvious she's not in love with him."

"Who's not in love with who?!"

"Daisuke, shut up," interjected Koushiro bitterly, surprising Takeru and Jyou that he was actually listening to their conversation.

The blue haired doctor-to-be crossed his arms as he observed the brunette. Mimi had then excused herself as she went to the bathroom, with Sora accompanying her.

Finally, Yamato was alone.

"What the hell, aniki," growled Takeru from the other side, surprising his older brother.

Yamato threw him a glare. "What?"

"What the hell was that?"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Yamato," Jyou interfered, sensing that if he didn't get in between, the two would break into a shouting fest. "do you know what you're doing?"

Yamato's brows met as he observed the rest of them in silence. What were they so apprehensive about? He didn't need them to tell him. It's because of her, isn't it?

"I'm not an idiot," he spat. Frankly, he felt offended by the mere thought.

Jyou sighed. Of course, Yamato knew, he's not that dumb either to know that Yamato knew. But Jyou also knew that whatever he was about to do will only end up in heartache. "I know you're not, but-"

"You're digging your own grave," Takeru snapped, his hand motioning towards his brother in accusation. "She doesn't love you. She won't love you. Not like that, or like this,"

"Excuse me," Koushiro stood up from his seat, unable to take the tension among them anymore. He couldn't help but feel hurt that this was how Takeru saw unrequited love - dumb. And it was a dumbness both Yamato and himself currently have. There is no cure.

"W-wait Kou, the food -"

"I'll be back."

"I'll come along," Daisuke followed, obviously left out of the narrative. Now it was just the three of them, the heavy staring contest between the brothers only intensified.

Jyou sighed out loud and took off his glasses, rubbed his temples as he asked the heavens for more patience. Just like their days at the Digital World, no one ever listens. If he'll have it his way, he would leave the boys here by themselves and drive back to Odaiba with Sora and Mimi. They're so lucky I'm not an asshole.

Yamato closed his eyes, then opened them to reveal his sad resolve. "I don't need her to feel the same way about me,"

"You know that's dumb," replied Takeru, his voice softening, eyes pitying him. "Aniki.. you know it's dumb."

"I know it is, you don't have to keep telling me,"

"Then for your own sake, stay away from her!" he exclaimed, and he wasn't done. "You know she's using you -"

"Takeru! Enough!" Jyou slammed his tea on to the table, shutting up the younger brother before he could continue his lash-out. The young boy almost jumped from his seat out of surprise, never before heard the eldest Chosen Child to be so dominant. Thank goodness they were in an izakaya.

The suggestion made Yamato instantly furious, his eyes turning into ice as his colder blue pierced on Takeru's. True to this day, of all things Yamato hated, was being told what he should feel. Was Mimi using him - he wouldn't know, and frankly, it didn't matter. It wouldn't change the fact that he would care for her. And he needed to let her know that.

"I love her," he admitted, unsettling the two with his conviction. No stutter, too. "And the last time I checked, the rest of you love her, too,"

"We all do," agreed Jyou. "But, you know we're just looking out -"

"I don't need it. You don't need to tell me what to do with it," he told Jyou off. "I love her.. I am acknowledging that."

"No one is saying you should stop loving her, Yamato," scowled Jyou.

"Not him," retorted Yamato as he motioned towards Takeru, accusing him. "are you forgetting that she's your friend, too?"

Takeru gritted his teeth. "Is she being a friend right now, Yamato? Is she really?"

"I can't believe you would say that -" Yamato was interrupted by Jyou's louder voice.

"Takeru!" growled Jyou, his own eyes trying to magnetize Takeru's, but the boy was obviously avoiding him. "you're being such an immature brat. And a huge hypocrite."

Hypocrite? The word came out of nowhere, and it continued to echo inside his head. Jyou just called him a hypocrite. How? Of Hikari? Conflicted all over again, he took out his phone and distracted himself.

Satisfied with Takeru's silence and non-defiance, Jyou now turned to the elder blond.

"I'm not going to tell you what you have to do, Yamato," he spoke as he crossed his arms. "but make me understand.. what's the point?"

Yamato's expression mellowed, a contented look on his face. "I'm her friend. That's what I'm going to do. She needs me.. she needs us."

Silence fell between the three of them as they reflected on the words that have been said.

"I don't know if you're going to be there for her.." Yamato spoke again. "but I know I will be.. she needs someone." he said it as if he was talking, reassuring himself. He needed to be there for her, hoping this way he could make up to all the times he neglected her.

"Jyou.." his voice was softer, and for a split second Jyou and Takeru thought he was about to cry. "no one else was there for her.. don't you think we're accountable?"

A perplexed look evolved from the blue-maned boy, wondering where this was coming from. He thought Yamato would have learned his lesson from his past relationship with Sora by now. He had known him for most of his life. Perhaps it wasn't just about love.

Another stare before one of them spoke.

"Yamato..." Among all the Chosen Children, it was always him, Yamato, and Sora who cared more. Always the people who cared 'more', the ones who put others above themselves. Jyou wished he had advised him of this sooner. "you can't save people. Not all the time."

"It's always worth a try."

Hopeless romantic, Jyou concluded out of defeat, perhaps it was best to just let it be.

The younger brother looked up from his phone, now ready to join the conversation without throwing a tantrum. "Even if you're going to get your heart broken?"

"Tch. It already did."

Takeru stroked his hair through, letting out a frustrated sigh as he held his head. "Couldn't you just.. can't you just forget it existed?"

Yamato chuckled bitterly, the immaturity of his brother was so glaringly obvious tonight. "Unlike you, otouto, I am not afraid of getting hurt.. besides," Yamato ran a hand through his hair and loosened his necktie. "we're friends. Someone has to be there for her."

"It doesn't have to be you," Takeru muttered.

'Will you take my place, then?"

Jyou closed his eyes, resisting a smile as Yamato's most valuable trait of friendship shone out. "Just don't say we didn't warn you."

Silence enveloped them to relieve the tension, the bento boxes they ordered arriving from the kitchen. As if out of convenience did Sora and Mimi rejoin the table, eventually followed by Daisuke and Koushiro.

No more words were spoken during dinner.

Jyou opened his katsu bento, realizing it's going to be one hell of a drive back home. The least he could do was to savor every bite of this meal on a sad, sad day.

As I was writing this, I was at the same time thinking the most natural ways for characters to grow. I know I said from the last chapter that we've finally reached midway, but now I'm not so sure. Meaning: this might go longer than I initially expected (I know it's already long, lol).. so.. I might actually go beyond high school, and touch their college lives. I'm not doing this to prolong the story, but more of my need to flesh these characters out and make them grow. I'll be honest, as of now, some characters have been more developed than the others - but working with 8 characters has proven to be a challenge.. however, I wouldn't want to do it any other way. Moreover, some characters, I've learned, need more time than the others to evolve, namely Koushiro, Mimi, Takeru, and Hikari.. and I want to give them that opportunity.. so I hope you guys can give them that chance, too.

I understand if you guys are tired of this one hell of a soap opera, and it's okay if you guys retire from reading. Otherwise, thank you to all of you, for staying with me for this long - Scripturiens, mimatotrash and the rest of the mimatoreos twitter group - I miss you all dearly, I hope I can find time again to be a fangirl among with you ;u;. To my regular readers, you've all been awesome and you motivate me.

I think I regained my usual energy to regularize my updates. No promises, but I'll try. Thank you very much.