Pike and Burnham hit the bridge after a frank discussion regarding the red signals, Spock's official status as 'on leave' and a simple 'thank you' offered to Pike by Burnham for returning to her aid after she had been separated from the landing party in the Hiawatha.
Perhaps he had finally made progress with at least one member of the crew.
Saru informed him there was another signal and he walked to the viewscreen as Burnham took her science post, currently in use by a certain ensign who had a knack for catching the Captain's eye.
Tilly was apologising to Burnham for using her station and shutting down her work until Commander Saru took a breath and announced, "Ensign Tilly had a notion to pin-point the signals."
Chris gave a glance the ensigns way, not his first, but he tried to hide any inclination toward the young officer by turning his back on her as Saru explained he had granted her permission to make the attempt.
"Excellent," he approved over his shoulder and, seeing how startled and vulnerable she seemed, he gave a small, supportive smile.
Tilly blinked her wide eyes, nodded in response and explained, in a shaky voice, how she intended to use Discovery's deflector as a sonar to locate the signals.
Somehow in her explanation, Chris had moved to face her fully and was able to appreciate the way she and Burnham interacted… how they complimented one another, and he was soon swept into the next adventure.
If that's what it could be called.
A pocket of humanity had been transported, had been saved, from the 3rd world war and now lived in a luddite, but harmonious, fashion… and while they were figuring out how to save them from total annihilation there had been a choice.
A child had found a phaser and set it for overload; before he knew it, the choice was made. Him or all the people around him.
His last memory was jumping onto an explosion.
Then nothing.
When he woke, slightly groggy and certainly unable to move from his prone position on the bio-bed, Dr Pollard read him the riot act and insisted he remain in sickbay for a minimum of 24 hours.
He wasn't too happy about it, but Chris knew better than to argue with a Chief Medical Officer; they were overly grumpy and could spring unexpected, compulsory shore-leave at any given moment.
So, he settled back in his bio-bed before glancing a shock of bright auburn hair at the corner of his vision…
A ridiculous flutter thrummed in his chest… he knew who it must be and turned to see the young ensign who had first made him feel at ease on this tense ship.
For a moment he was elated and turned to greet her… but delight quickly faded as he noted she was unconscious.
"What happened?" He asked Pollard.
The Doctor huffed, hardly casting an eye in the young woman's direction… "Seems something about the desire to be ship's Captain has an unfortunate side effect of one giving one the delusion of being an immortal super-human."
Chris felt his lip curl into a wry smile; the criticism sounded familiar. "While that may be true… it doesn't really tell me why she's here."
And so the Doctor explained how Tilly had taken it upon herself to sample the dark matter asteroid herself and was knocked on her ass for it.
"Is that a medical term?"
The medic gave him a look that told him he was in dangerous waters. "Get some sleep… Sir." And with that, the Doctor left.
It was an order Chris was content to accept as he slipped into a restful, medicated sleep, pondering how damned lucky he'd been and wondering if he should, perhaps, just retire while he still had the chance.
Either way, before drifting off into a blissful quiet, he turned to his side and whispered, "Night… roomie, sleep well." Pleased with the idea the young woman wasn't too far away.
()()()()
The dull sound of someone thumping their fists ineffectually against the cold and unresponsive controls of the sickbay replicator jolted him awake as Chris blinked back to consciousness.
"Just give me coffee…" Tilly wearily pleaded… leaning on the bulkhead and explaining, "I need caffeine… my veins are mostly espresso…"
Chris hid a laugh… she was adorable… he turned to the control panel near his bio-bed and quietly input his command override; the breach of protocol only minor as the replicator whirred to life.
Tilly gave a few excitedly small jumps, clapping her hands and leaning on the bulkhead to whisper, "I knew you loved me," to the ship.
There was something about this girl… her simple pleasure in wrapping her hands around the replicated cup and drawing in the scent of her drink made him ridiculously happy.
Because it was ridiculous!
She was over half his age.
What was he hoping to accomplish?
For now, he was content to provide her with a little moment of happiness.
Tilly, sated and content, replaced the empty cup in the replicator and turned in his direction.
Chris closed his eyes quickly as the ensign bumbled into his bay, drawing close enough for him to sense her at his side.
Tilly's perfume filled the air with sweet flowers bitter coffee as she gave a sigh. "Had us all worried there, Captain…" she whispered, seeming to lay her weight on his side. "It's no good to anyone, this self-sacrificial streak you have going on, you know."
He stayed very still… it wasn't like she could talk! Given what she'd done to land herself in sickbay… But Chris did take a moment to wonder; was he really that reckless? Here was a member of his crew… one of the ones he thought he'd made a real connection with… telling him he was a bit of liability.
Can't get them to trust you when they don't think you'll stick around, Chris…
"Can't be a hero if you're dead," Tilly finished the though as if reading his mind.
There was a bit of a silence and then he felt her breath on his face as she closed the space between them to say, "But you are a pretty damned sexy hero, despite failing astrophysics."
A rush flew through him; had she just called him sexy?
"Wake up soon," the young officer in training whispered, delivering a swift kiss to his cheek before her footsteps faded into the distance and she creaked herself onto her bio-bed and fell silent.
Chris realised he'd been holding his breath since she kissed him.
Tilly kissed him!
He had to admit that it was damned flattering…
Perhaps, of late, he could have been accused of distancing himself from others; the feeling of futility had teased the fringes of his thoughts. The idea that this was all there was and that he would never again feel the enthusiasm of his youth; an enthusiasm the young ensign displayed in abundance.
He found himself in equal parts in awe and envy; to be that young! If only there were a way to take all he had learned and become and be only twenty one again!
Age had never been an issue for him before now.
One thing was certain though… his crush was reciprocated.
A thrill shivered through him at the thought.
It was a wonderful thing; to be desired. It reminds you of how alive you are, how vital…
There was no way anything could ever happen…
Chris shook his head, as if attempting to remove the idea from his mind…
It was going to be ok.
They were both adults… both officers in Starfleet.
As long as they could maintain a little distance then he was sure he could put any thoughts of the kiss the young ensign had gifted him to the back of his mind.
()()()()
Shadow exercises were an anticipated feature of (so-called) quiet periods; a chance for aspiring ensigns and lieutenants to step into the roles of their commanders and captains and feel the weight the roles they aspire to.
It was an exciting time – one Chris remembered fondly from the formative years of his career.
If truth be told, as a commander, and again as a captain, he had also thrilled from the excitement of guiding the fresh and inspired entrants into the fold… helping mould the future of Starfleet.
Naturally, he was paired with the top command candidate…
There was a part of him that thrilled to see the assignation on the padd… another part wondered if this was such a good idea.
Just try to be smooth, Chris… he reminded himself as Saru gave the candidates the etiquette low-down.
The few of them assigned to the bridge looked suitably petrified and energised for their first taste of their chosen futures.
He envied them their drive and their journey ahead… what possibilities unfurled at their feet… who knew where their lives would lead.
Tilly would soon make her way to the chair for the first time… he was certain it would not be the last… and knowing he was able to guide her on that journey was a privilege he was proud to fulfil.
In a way he would always be a part of her memory… there was a slight comfort and pain in that thought...
Chris wondered on how she anticipated setting herself at the spearhead of her crew… even if only for a simulation… remembering his own shadow exercise and wishing he could sit with the young ensign and share the memories…
Getting to know her over the course of this assignment, he was certain she would gleefully include anyone in her journey… so many people were already swept up in her wake as she set her course through life.
She really was the future of the fleet… so vital and full of hope.
But when he looked to the young woman, she appeared slightly drawn.
Perhaps she hadn't slept in eagerness of this experience… Chris tried to shrug-off his concern as the candidates turned to their assigned posts…
"Look sharp people…" Pike found himself quipping, rounding his chair and doing his best not to glance Tilly's way, "this is our future competition."
"Ensign Sylvia Tilly, Sir," she announced, as if he had not known her these weeks past. "Fully present and utterly focused on this very important exercise; for which I am all ears, Captain!"
It was an odd thing to stress, Chris thought, and she looked awfully pale… perhaps she was intimidated, somehow?
"Your dedication is noted ensign," he tried to make the moment light by hitting the chair with a light slapping sound, "How about we marry some folks, even if they're not that much into each other, huh?"
Chris gave her his most charming smile, knowing the effect it normally created in people when he wanted it to…
Tilly snorted an adorable laugh, "Very good sir."
Chris felt slightly cheered… it hadn't quite hit the way he was used to… but she had, at least, tried to laugh, so he could still reach her past whatever she was going through… perhaps, the next he had to work on calming those nerves of hers.
As he was called away to sign off some basic inter-departmental resource transfers, Chris tried not to loose sight of his Command-Shadow in the periphery of his vision… it was odd… but it seemed like she was literally speaking to herself.
At the very least, she was certainly distracted; hugging her arms around herself and shifting from foot to foot... Chris felt his concern ramp up a notch.
Time to bring her back to me, he thought, gently prompting… "I'm ready if you are."
The ensign startled and looked blank.
Now he really was concerned, so he directed… "Up in the chair, Ensign. Let's run a systems test."
"A systems test…" Tilly nodded, still seeming slightly out of her own head… "ah… where?"
"Where?" Chris questioned… was she serious? He was certain any ensign would have bolted towards the object of their devotion to the fleet… "In the chair…"
"Oh…" Tilly acknowledged, the blue in her eye sharpening as she focused on him and jogged up to meet him, "Sorry."
Hell, he was just glad to have her back on the right page… "Run checklist protocol," Chris requested, walking away to try to put physical and emotional distance between them; he was feeling far too protective of her right now.
"Acknowledged…" she said loudly and for the record, "running stage one." And, though he had his back to her, he could have sworn he heard her breathe, "Calm down…"
Ok… Chris had had it… time to quietly ask, "I'm hearing considerably less syllables out of you than normal." As gently as possible now, as she was clearly reacting badly to his observations, paling and swallowing hard against them… "I know the chair can be intimidating but…" and more gently, "are you ok?"
Because, feelings for this particular officer aside, if any member of the crew was acting out of sorts… the Captain should notice.
And Tilly wasn't even meeting his eye now…
She seemed to be struggling, though with what, he was unsure…
"This is the Captain!" Tilly snapped, manically, at thin air.
"Ensign," Chris called, attempting to draw her attention, "what is going on?"
Her eyes snapped shut and she shook her head… Chris saw it more like an attempt to focus herself, but Saru seemed to take it as a refusal, insisting, "Tilly, answer the Captain."
This triggered a response no one expected as the young woman brought her fist down on the arm of the command chair with a fierce anger, "No!" She focused on a point between her Captain and herself… as if shouting at someone, "I am not listening to you any more."
The rest of the bridge crew were now listening in stunned silence as Tilly continued, "You tricked me," pointing at the empty space Pike thought she was addressing, "And you lied to me…"
She was still talking to the air, wasn't she? She didn't believe Chris had lied to her… did she?
Chris had lied to her after all… he'd pretended to be asleep when she spoke to him in sickbay… when she kissed him… he couldn't help but smile and shake his head while he formulated some kind of retort -
"Shut-up!" Tilly exploded in a rage.
"Ensign. Sylvia. Tilly." Saru pronounced loudly with an embarrassed astonishment.
Tilly leapt from the command chair, "No! I didn't…" she shrieked, almost appalled. She looked around the bridge crew, to her friends, to Saru, "I'm sorry…"
Her eyes found her Captain, pleading in a half-craze… "She drove me to it," she looked to her friends again… but they were all too confused to come to her aid…
"It doesn't make any sense," she admitted, driving her nails into her hairline, almost crying in distress.
And Chris could do… nothing.
What could he do?
What was happening to his officer?
"I'm not…" Tilly continued in vain as she began to back away from her stunned audience… "I'm not…"
Chris wanted to move toward her, and perhaps she knew, as she looked his way, "I'm not…"
He wanted to move… wanted to cross the space and hold her…
But it would be inappropriate.
So, he watched as the young woman sadly concluded. "I quit." And eft the bridge.