Chapter 18-You Would've Had an Incredible Life

Jenna didn't sleep at all. Along with nightmares from the kidnapping, she was now having dreams about the breakup. A little after midnight, when she realized sleep really wasn't going to happen, she moved to her couch, wrapped up in a blanket, wearing one of Hank's shirts. The shirt still faintly smelled like him, and it brought tears to her eyes again. She had cried nearly all day, so she didn't know how she had any tears left. She turned on the tv to have some kind of noise, and she leaned her head against the back of the couch, closing her eyes as her tears came harder. She missed him already, and the pain in her chest was worse than any of her broken bones.

Her heart was broken.

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Hank laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, overwhelmed with how much he missed Jenna. Before the kidnapping, he spent most nights with her, and since they rescued her, he hadn't left her side. His bed felt so empty, and he felt so guilty knowing Jenna was probably in pain from her injuries, probably not sleeping, all alone.

Because of him.

He sat up, covering his face with his hand. He thought he had done the right thing by letting her go, but he felt worse than before, and he worried about her even more. As much as he needed it, sleep wasn't coming tonight.

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The next morning, as Hank was getting ready for work, he heard a knock on his door.

"I went to see Jenna last night," Erin said when he opened the door. She pushed past him and walked into the house.

Hank rolled his eyes. "Good morning, Erin. Please come in."

"We have to talk, and I'm not leaving here until you hear everything I have to say."

Hank followed Erin into the living room. "How was she?"

"Do you even care?" Erin asked.

"Of course I care, Erin! I love her!"

"Oh, do you? You love her so much you broke up with her and left her alone two weeks after she was kidnapped and beaten? How could you?!" Erin yelled, shoving him a little in her anger.

"She deserves better."

"Probably so, especially after what you did to her yesterday! But Hank, she wants to be with you! She LOVES you!"

Hank shook his head. "I can't! What if someone else goes after her? This isn't the first time I've been targeted. What if someone else decides to hurt her? What if I'm too late next time and she's killed? It's hard enough knowing she's hurt because of me, but if she dies? Because someone wants to get back at me? It will kill me, Erin!"

Erin threw up her hands in frustration. "So you're just going to let go of the best thing that's ever happened to you? You're going to be alone and miserable for the rest of your life because of a 'what if'?"

She let a few tears roll down her face. "Hank, she's devastated. She loves you, and she wants to be with you, no matter what happens. She doesn't blame you, and she wants to be in your life. I want her in your life, mine too."

Hank closed his eyes for a moment, turning away from her. "I'm scared of losing her. I know how weak that makes me sound, but I'm scared."

"What if Pulpo had never happened? Where would your relationship with Jenna have gone if he'd never shown back up?"

Hank sighed. "I would've been with her for the rest of my life, if she would have me. I would've asked her to marry me, and I would've spent the rest of my life with her."

"You would've had an incredible life with her, wouldn't you?"

Hank nodded. "I think we would've. It was incredible up to this point."

"So why give all of that up? Why miss out on a lifetime with Jenna? Yeah, maybe something happens and someone comes after her again and it ends badly. But maybe, and most likely, you two spend the next fifty years together, happy. Isn't that worth fighting for? Isn't SHE worth fighting for?"

Hank couldn't fight the tears coming to his eyes. "Yeah. You're right." He covered his face with his hands for a moment, processing everything Erin said. "I screwed up, didn't I?"

Erin nodded, a small smile on her face. "Oh yeah. But I have a feeling that if you talk to her, if you actually tell her how you feel for once, that, combined with a massive apology just might take care of this." She put her hand on his back. "Antonio and I will hold things down at the district. You go get your girl back."

Hank turned around and pulled Erin in for a hug. "Thank you, kid," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Let me know, ok?"

"I will."

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Jenna was surprised to hear a knock on her door. As she opened it, she was even more surprised to see Hank standing there.

"Hi Jenna," Hank said uneasily.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Can I…come in?"

Jenna said nothing, stepping aside to let him in. She closed the door, and as she turned around, Hank pulled her into his arms. Jenna resisted for a moment, but she finally gave in, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his neck. Yes, she was hurting, but being held by him made her hurt a little less. It had only been a day, but she missed being in his arms, she missed his smell, she missed…him.

Finally, Hank pulled back a little, taking her face in his hands to make her look at him. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know how to form the words. He hoped she could read his face, but he knew he had to tell her. He owed her that much, after everything he put her through.

"I miss you," he said softly.

"I miss you too."

"I'm an idiot."

Jenna nodded. "Yeah, you are."

"I'm so sorry babe, I…panicked."

She put her hands on top of his. "Then talk to me. Don't make quick decisions like this without talking to me first. I know it's really hard for you to say out loud what you're feeling, but shutting down and walking away doesn't work." She dropped her hands, looking down as she let a few tears roll down her face before looking back up at him. "You really hurt me, Hank."

Hank closed his eyes for a moment before wiping at her tears with his thumbs. "I know I did. I'm so sorry. I was just…I was trying to protect you. I'm supposed to protect you, and I failed you. Jenna, I've spent my life trying to protect this city, and I couldn't protect the most important person in my life."

"Hank, you're not responsible for what happened to me. You can't protect me every moment of every day. I know this was really hard for you. I know taking care of my injuries, dealing with my nightmares…it's all been a reminder of everything that happened."

"I wanted to be the one to take care of you. I'm glad that you allowed me to be there and to be the one to take care of you. I just…I needed to blame someone."

Jenna shook her head, trying hard to fight back her frustration. "Then blame Pulpo! He's the one who is responsible!"

"But he's not here. I know it doesn't make sense, but Jen, I needed to punish someone. I couldn't hurt him because he's dead, so the next logical person was me."

"But while you were punishing yourself, you hurt me in the process."

Hank nodded. "I know I did. I know, and it kills me that I hurt you. I'm sorry Jenna. I screwed up, and I'm so sorry. I want to be here. I want to be with you, if you'll have me."

"I want to be with you too. But I…I don't want to get hurt again," she said tearfully.

"I won't hurt you like this again. I had a…a talk with Erin this morning, and she helped me put everything into perspective. I love you, and I want a lifetime with you. I can't guarantee that another offender with a vendetta won't come after us, but the life we could have together…I think it's worth the risk. We're so good together, Jen. We've known that since our very first date. I don't want to lose you over some stupid 'what if' situation." He took her hand, squeezing it before intertwining his fingers with hers. He raised her hand to his lips, gently kissing the back of it several times. "I love you so much."

Jenna looked at him for a moment, taking in all of his words. A small smile crept along her face. "I'm impressed, Sergeant. Those were a lot of feelings you just said out loud," she said.

Hank chuckled under his breath. "Yeah, that's something I'm working on."

Jenna squeezed his hand. "Before I agree to anything, I have some conditions."

"Whatever you need, babe."

She put her hand on his waist, stepping closer to him. "First, you have to stop blaming yourself."

Hank looked down for a moment. "I'm still struggling, but I am trying as hard as I can to move past those thoughts."

"Second, the next time you're struggling, come talk to me. Don't make drastic decisions for both of us before you talk to me first. Promise me you'll do that."

"I will."

"I need you to really hear what I'm saying. I won't give another chance. If you freak out and walk out on me again, if you hurt me again, I won't take you back."

Hank leaned his forehead against hers. "I hear you, and I understand. I won't hurt you again, and I will work on everything you asked me to."

Jenna looked up at him for a moment. "Ok," she whispered.

Hank pulled her close and kissed her deeply. "I love you Jenna."

"I love you Hank," she said, kissing him again. They kissed for awhile before Jenna stepped back. "As much as I would love to do this all day, I need to try to nap, and you need to go to work."

Hank sighed. "Yeah, Erin was holding things down until I could get there, so I should probably go."

"Yeah. So go catch the bad guys, and then come home to me in one piece."

"Deal," he said as he kissed her again. "Thank you for taking me back. I don't deserve you."

Jenna put her hand to his cheek and leaned in close, stopping just before their lips touched. "I love you," she said softly before kissing him hard, leaving them both breathless.

When the kiss broke, Hank whispered his love to her over and over as he finally made himself leave.

Jenna walked over to the couch and picked up her phone, smiling as she pulled up a text message.

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Erin quickly grabbed her phone when she heard her text tone. She hadn't heard from Hank yet, and it was killing her not knowing what was happening between him and Jenna. She wanted them both to be happy, and she wanted their happiness together, so she hoped they'd be able to work through this bump in the road. As she opened her phone, she saw the text came from Jenna. A smile spread across her face as she read the simple message.

'Thank you'

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Author's Note: Thank you all so much for sticking with me through this Pulpo drama! Next chapter will bring a little sunshine. They've earned it, right?