A. N. : Jet's mind is a very scary place and his thoughts are not as polite as Zuko's. Also he somehow hijacked this chapter.
There's so much noise here.
The train station is so full of refugees Zuko wonders how they all fit inside. He supposes most of them were on the ferry, but he doesn't recognize anyone's face. Not as if he paid any attention to the before, anyway.
He wonders – no. He doesn't wonder about the Freedom Fighters and whether they are around or not, doesn't care about them either, he has forgotten the feeling of safety and he'd sooner have his face stolen than remember the look on Jet's face –
It hurts. He doesn't want to care, why can't he just forget –
Jet standing next to him certainly doesn't help.
Uncle complains about his tea being cold and Jet sits down – what does he want, spirits, can't he leave Zuko alone –
The child tries to play with the piece of wheat dangling from Jet's mouth but Zuko doesn't pay attention, too busy trying not to show how bad he feels and Jet asks him what he plans on doing in Ba Sing Se and how the hell should he know, it's not as if he has any work experience – but he can't say that, can he – and anyway, does Jet even have any plans for himself, beside following Zuko around when all he want to do is forget about his existence –
The wheat is on fire.
Jet jumps to his feet and takes a step back and his eyes are screaming – surprise, disgust hate fearfearfear –
Zuko holds the child protectively and stares as Jet's face shifts into something fearful, hateful, crazed and dangerous. Uncle has completely forgotten his tea and looks between the two teenagers, very still – ready to intervene if things take a turn for the worse.
They stay like that, unmoving, until Smellerbee walks up to Jet to talk about something, and he all but jumps at the chance to – run away – make a strategic retreat and calm the fuck down and he can hear his parents screaming as they burn and he can still see the flame – so close to his face, too close – and Lin shouldn't have looked so happy it doesn't make sense and he knows he's slipping and he can't, not here, not with Smellerbee next to him and he's not going to lose it now dammit !
Longshot raises an eyebrow when they get to him and Jet knows he must look terrible – fire, screams, and his feet hurt from running on the burning ground – but he's not going to explain, he can't lean on his kids – a kid, and if it had been Mushi or even Li he wouldn't have hesitated but he can't hurt a child – there were children in Gaipan too – it wasn't the same – he was ready to drown them – it was a necessary sacrifice – children Jet for fuck's sake Katara was right –
Bee and Longshot look worried and Jet tries to put that damn cocky smirk back on his face but he can't –
In the forest, if he had a breakdown he would just get in his own small tree-house and no one would disturb him, even if they had no idea what was happening, and he could face his nightmares alone and calm down, because if he didn't he'd get his kids killed.
But here he has nowhere to hide, and if he can't get better on his own, he'd like to at least have someone to talk to but he doesn't have that either.
He hopes Li knows exactly how lucky he is to have his uncle by his side, because even if they're the same, they aren't really, Jet can't be a child anymore and Li doesn't know how it feels to lose someone you're supposed to protect – Jet remembers the face of every kid he lost.
He lets his breath out. Closes his eyes and thinks.
Li looks so Fire it hurts and Lin breathes fire but it's not their fault, they are victims, just like he is.
He won't inflict his nightmares on Li.