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Disclaimer: So I first abducted a pigeon and stuffed it in my bag. Then I started training it to carry messages. I've sent it with a letter to J. K. Rowling, who owns Harry Potter, to consider giving me a spin with the franchise. Sadly I haven't heard back from her...or the pigeon got eaten by a cat or something. This means I still have to say I don't own it. As per usual.

Author's Note: Probably gonna take recommendations and ideas, because I have no idea how this is going to turn out. Also, anyone have ideas how to deal with scam reviews? They're getting positively virulent.

Chapter 2

"You bloody what now?" were the first words out of Ron's mouth.

All things considered, Harry thought Ron was taking it rather well...Hermione on the other hand...the fact that she hadn't admonished Ron for his language seemed to speak volumes, almost as much as her stunned silence did.

In fact, the silence was becoming all-consuming at this point.

"It's not like I approached her!" Harry protested weakly.

"Harry, Harry," Ron sounded placating, "just help me out here, all right? But in these last few years, can you count, even on one hand alone, where any involvement with those snakes has ended well? Never mind one hand, just try one finger!"

Ron held up his index finger for emphasis.

Heaving a deep sigh, Harry conceded with a gesture, "No, Ron...I can't think of any."

Ron made a "There you go" gesture with both hands and looked towards Hermione to back him up, then did a double take at the thoughtful expression on her face.

"Hermione?" said Ron.

"Uhm...you did say she approached you, and directly apologised?" asked Hermione to Harry.

"Hermione!" Ron protested.

"I'm not saying we just let bygones be bygones!" Hermione snapped, "We can expect there might be something afoot, but why not let it play out and see where it goes?"

"You mean step on a trap with the full awareness that it is, in fact, a trap?" asked Ron.

"Something like that, perhaps minus actually stepping on it completely," said Hermione, "but perhaps, just skirting around it, trying to get a feel of what's up, and maybe, if possible, turn it on the trapper."

Ron looked thoughtful, stroking his chin, as he pondered this. Harry in the meantime, looked a bit more eager than earlier, since he had his friends backing him up.

"So we're going, then?" asked Harry.

"We go," Hermione agreed, "if it's a trap of some sort, we'll be as ready as can be."

Both looked expectantly at Ron, who growled.

"Of course I'm coming along! Someone's got to watch your backs, or you'd both be hexed to bits!"

Hermione beamed and leaned close to kiss him on the cheek, making the redhead flush.

"Well I'm not kissing you," Harry assured.

"Thanks."

~ O ~

Saturday rolled by quickly, and the trio had shown up plus one Luna Lovegood at the designated meeting spot on the sixth floor. Harry didn't know what to make of the strange little blonde girl with those protuberant grey eyes. She would look perpetually surprised if not for the nearly manic-grin she sported.

Luna had spotted them marching purposefully together, and she'd seemed hesitant at first, but when Harry waved at her and sort of beckoned her over, the girl eagerly approached them, and asked where they were going, as she eyed the parchment rolls, ink pots, quills and books in their arms.

Harry wasn't sure why, but he ended up telling Luna that they were on their way to see Pansy, and do Potions work, probably trying to improve their collective performance in the class.

Of course, Hermione was already ahead, but even she could admit she wasn't a prodigy. She just knew how to read instructions really well, but that still didn't translate into being a potions savant.

"Oh, I see," said Luna, "May I come along, then?"

"What? Why on Earth-?" asked Ron, "It's a perfectly good Saturday! Why'd you want to waste it following us on what could be a boring, pointless-"

"I've nothing better to do, and no one to be with."

That stumped Ron, and even Hermione, who'd almost been ready to join Ron in driving the little blonde away, hesitated.

Luna's tone had been dreamy and distracted, but there was an undertone that had Harry inviting her along, which she naturally accepted without hesitation.

Pansy was waiting at the designated classroom she'd instructed Harry to show up at, leaning against a door, furtively examining the corridor as if expecting people to come by and spot her conversing with Gryffindors.

She eyed Ron and Hermione neutrally, having expected them, but the little Ravenclaw by Ron's side was unexpected, clearly, by her quizzical look.

"Hullo, Miss Parkinson," said Luna placidly, "I hear you're offering a potions' improvement elective."

Harry and Hermione were frantically shaking their heads at Luna, who didn't notice, and Pansy, who couldn't help but notice. Ron just looked positively amused at the turn of events.

"Do I look like a teacher to you, uh...Miss…?"

"Lovegood. Luna Lovegood."

"Right, Luna, and just call me Pansy."

"Okay, Pansy. And yes, you do," said Luna with a firm nod of her head.

Okay, that left Pansy in a loop. Harry could see it in the girl's face. And now that he thought of it, she was wearing a satin long-sleeved purple blouse and a knee-length black skirt with black flats. She did look sort of like a mini school teacher.

"Are you expecting anybody else?" asked Pansy icily, clearly expecting half of Gryffindor to show up.

"No, it's just us," said Harry, "I'm...surprised, really. I'd thought you'd bring some friends at least."

Pansy looked thoughtfully at him, "Perhaps next time, and I'll let you know if I do."

"Okay, thanks."

The raven-haired girl nodded, and then gestured to the classroom with her head. "Let's get on with it then. I've cleaned it up for us."

Due to the declining population of students, a lot of the castle was no longer actively in use, including a fair number of classrooms like this. It had all the basic amenities: a teacher's desk, elongated desks on either side with an empty floor in the middle.

In the middle, were about fifteen cauldrons, a potions' lab table, and miniature ingredients cupboards.

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at the setup in awe, and a bit of envy in Hermione's case.

Luna scampered over to a corner, and began to stare very hard at something no one else could see.

Ignoring her for now, Pansy gestured to the cupboards and the lab station.

"This is my own, so I'd appreciate if you didn't destroy it, it's worth more than…"

She eyed Ron for a moment, but then cast a furtive glance towards Harry, and seemed to amend something she was going to say.

"...more than a lot of people make in a month. Some ingredients are hard to come by too. But I thought doing is better than just talking about it, right?"

"Er...right," said Harry, and Hermione nodded.

Ron, who appeared to still be in awe of the sheer amount of wealth being demonstrated, swallowed, and looked at Pansy.

"Merlin, girl, this is one of the very latest models!"

"You know about it?" asked Pansy, looking surprised.

"Of course he does," said Luna from behind Pansy, making the Slytherin jump forward in shock, "Ronald Weasley has Percy for a brother. He can't help knowing a lot about the boiling point for cauldron bottoms and potions in general."

Ron flushed a little, and rubbed the back of his head, "I just listen more than I want to…sometimes."

"Oh? Excellent," said Pansy, and she pointed to the desks on her left, and indicated they should all take a seat first.

"I thought I'd start us off with something simple, and extremely useful, the Wiggenweld potion."

"But that's a First Year potion!" Hermione protested, "Everyone knows how to brew that with their eyes closed!"

Pansy eyed Hermione coldly, "Perhaps you can, but Harry, can you tell me, without consulting your books or notes, what are all the ingredients?"

"Er...no," Harry admitted.

Pansy turned expectantly to Ron, who blanched at being put on the spot, and by a Slytherin to boot!

"I know there's about sixteen ingredients," he offered.

"Ten points to Gryffindor for at least knowing that much," drawled Pansy in an almost perfect imitation of Snape's style of talking.

She then looked to Luna, who'd quietly taken a seat beside Hermione.

"Horlump juice and two drops of flobberworm mucus," said Luna, "doesn't flobberworm sound funny? Flobberworm, flobberworm, flobberworm. I had one as a pet, I called him Henry."

"Thanks, Luna," said Pansy, and then continued, "I'd like to show you how I do some memory exercises when it comes to making potions. I know Professor Snape pretty much puts the instructions and ingredients on the blackboards and leaves us to figure the rest out on our own, but he actually takes time to show Slytherins a few extra steps that are dead useful to know and saves time."

And so the next two hours went for a Slytherin, three Gryffindors, and one oddball of a Ravenclaw.

All things considered, Harry found he learned a lot more in those two hours than he'd learnt in the last few years. And nobody tried to kill each other.

It was a blooming miracle, honestly.