When Zuko returns, Iroh is still out in the living area, likely waiting on Zuko. I am laying down on my futon, so I hear Zuko approaching the door to the room. The lanterns are off, because I have been pretending to sleep ever since Iroh revealed his plan. I can hear Iroh ask, "How was your night, Prince Zuko?"
The door to the bedroom opens and is quickly slammed shut. I clench my fists, wondering what has set Zuko off. In the darkness only broken by the smudgey light from the street, I can see Zuko reopen the door. He says, in a calm tone, "It was nice." He closes the door behind him.
I can hear Zuko moving toward the lantern near the wardrobe, where our clothes are all collected. He lights it with the spark stones, mindful of firebending the simple thing. The wardrobe is on the far end of the room, away from me.
Eyes open, I watch Zuko in the faint glow from the lantern. He moves with ease, taking off his outer clothing and getting ready for bed. I want to ask him about his time with Jin, but I don't want him to think I have forgotten our conversation in the tea shop earlier. I don't make myself known, but I can see Zuko glancing over at me.
"I know you're awake, Zia," Zuko says quietly.
I sit up. "I'm not very good at stealth."
"No, but your eyes reflected the light."
"Oh." Beyond that, I don't say anything. Zuko has stopped in his undressing. He is wearing part of the tunic Iroh bought, and I can see the green of his belt. "That color looks good on you, though you shouldn't put that gel in your hair again."
"No, the gel lasted all of 30 seconds outside of the shop. Don't tell Uncle, though."
I laugh, imagining Iroh with his ear pressed against the door into the sleeping area. I don't tell Zuko about Iroh's bad spying habit, but Zuko knows his uncle better than me, so he probably already knows.
"How was the date?"
Zuko pauses, moving over to the window and the small table there. Iroh continues to buy more plants for the apartment, and one of them sits at the table. Zuko touches one of the leaves, fidgeting with it.
"I shouldn't have gone," Zuko says. "At least, not with Jin."
"It's nice to explore the city on your own," I say, not understanding what he's saying. "You should probably go on a date with yourself."
"No, I don't mean a date with myself." He turns, and the light from outside silhouettes him. He moves toward my futon, sitting down next to me. Zuko is nervous. I can tell because I studied him so closely earlier in the day. "I mean, I should've gone on a date with you."
I laugh, loud, because it's the first reaction I have to Zuko saying this. "You're not serious. Especially after me blowing up with you earlier." I'm shocked at what Zuko is saying. However, he is radiating heat and is being serious.
"No, I am serious." Zuko is talking quietly, and I imagine Iroh straining to hear his hushed confession. "You and Iroh are right. I need to make a life here. I can't move forward while holding onto the past." In the darkness, Zuko grabs my hand. "I want to try to make a life here, with you."
"What're you saying, Zuko?"
"I told Jin that my situation was complicated. Because I was thinking about what you said today. Ba Sing Se has given me time to listen to my feelings, about how I want to go forward."
"Zuko," I whisper. How do I tell him about my own dilemma? I can't, not now. Not after my outburst earlier. His change of heart is startling, to say the least. The reluctant refugee, hiding in plain sight. Is Zuko saying he is willing to forget about his honor, about returning home? I can't ask him this, not now. Not in this silence that spreads forward. I need to say something.
Luckily, Iroh saves me from having to say anything. He opens the sliding door amongst the silence, and Zuko jumps away from me. The conversation is cut off, and I don't have a chance to accept Zuko's declaration. I catch a glimpse of Iroh's smile as he moves to the wardrobe to grab his own clothes to change into.
"We can talk about this another time, when we're alone," I say, as Iroh leaves to go change in the bathroom. Zuko nods and grabs his own clothes. He shuts the door behind him, and I lay back, exhausted at the emotions roiling within me. I remind myself, in the darkness, that we are safe. That there are no easy ways for Zuko to go down the wrong path here, in the walled city. I fall asleep with this delusional thought in my head.
Zuko and I are not left alone, and the next day proves to be a turning point for us. The shop is incredibly busy, payday having arrived for the refugees. Near the middle of the day, I pick up on Zuko's irritation. Is it because I have been avoiding him since his confession? Or something else? I doubt the business of the shop is helping Zuko's emotions.
A group of well dressed men sit down, the lightness of the greens and browns giving them away as nobles, people that no doubt have access to the Upper Ring. We've been getting a lot of people like this lately, as word of Iroh's amazing tea has spread. However, something about these men seems different.
Iroh is returning to the front counter as I bring out another batch of cooled cookies. The men have followed him to the counter. "So, you're the genius behind this incredible brew. The whole city is buzzing about you! I hope Pao pays you well."
Iroh turns to talk to them. I stand at the counter with Zuko, watching the interaction. "Good tea is its own reward," Iroh says.
"But, it doesn't have to be the only reward. How would you like to have your own tea shop?"
I can hear Iroh's amazement at the offer. "My own tea shop? This is a dream come true!"
The shop isn't very large, and I see Pao turn from the customers he's helping to the group of men and Iroh. Quickly, he stands by Iroh. "What's going on here? Are you trying to poach my tea-maker?"
The man in the middle, the one that offered Iroh his own tea shop, says, "Sorry, Pao, but that's business for you, am I right?"
Trying to keep his money maker, Pao says, "Mushi, if you stay, I'll make you assistant manager. Wait, senior assistant manager!" During this bargaining period, Zuko shrugs and leaves the counter, going to collect empty cups from a table that just left.
Titles mean nothing to Iroh, not in the face of his own shop.
The man sees this and adds, "I'll provide you with a new apartment in the Upper Ring." While Zuko is grabbing the teacups from the table, he glances at the man in charge. He seems uninterested. "The tea shop is yours to do whatever you want, complete creative freedom."
"I even get to name the shop?" Iroh says.
"Of course!"
Pao, seeing that this is a battle he's already lost, "Uh, senior executive assistant manager?" Iroh hands Pao the teapot he was carrying. He bows to the noble man, accepting his terms.
Zuko walks by, his tray filled with empty cups. "Did you hear, nephew? This man wants to give us our own tea shop in the Upper Ring of the city!"
"That's right, young man, your life is about to change for the better!"
"I'll try to contain my joy," Zuko says, setting the cups down on the table near the door. He is angry, though I can't see why. Didn't he tell me he was prepared to make a life here? Zuko slams the door behind him as he goes to sulk outside.
I go up to Iroh, saying, "This is amazing!" My mind flashes to the flowers in the Upper Ring, the paintings I can create, the free time we will have to spend doing whatever we want. But, the ugliness of the city is still there, hidden underneath the scents of the flowers. The distance between the Upper Ring and the Lower Ring. Not only the miles, but the money and the people and the unfairness.
Can I be happy with such a disparity between one group of people? I keep the smile on my face, pressing my hand into his back. I can't share this with him, but with my free time I can help ease the disparity, hopefully.
I let Iroh to go gather our things at the back of the shop, and I head to where Zuko is, leaning against the front of the building. At least, I thought he was leaning against the shop. Instead, I find him picking fliers off the ground. He is clutching them angrily in his hands. I grab one off the ground that he missed, curious for his sudden anger.
The answer is on the flier. It is a picture of a flying bison, with "Searching for a flying sky bison. His name is Appa, he has six legs and weighs ten tons. If you have any information, please contact Avatar Aang. Upper Ring, 96th District, House #217" written on it. There is a drawing of Appa, and a smaller one of Aang in the bottom right corner.
Oh, Spirits, Zuko has Aang's address. Zuko has Aang's address. Zuko has Aang's address.
Zuko can find Aang.
Aang is in Ba Sing Se.
I step toward Zuko, and I touch his arm. He spins toward me, and I can see the rage in Zuko's eyes. I can see the desire to capture Aang. I can see all of Zuko's thoughts, written right there on his face, and I know I was right to not answer Zuko's question the other night. I was right to be hesitant in sharing my own desires with Zuko.
Somehow, someway, Zuko has found the wrong path. He can go down this path, this path for vengeance for a wrong that no one on this continent has committed.
"Zuko," I whisper, but he shakes his head. He takes the flier from me. Just then, Iroh, with his impeccable timing, exits the shop. He is in high spirits as he hands me my bo and Zuko his swords. I don't mention the flier to Iroh, and neither does Zuko.
Iroh fills the silence back to the apartment with talks about ideas for his shops. Names, layout, decoration, drinks. He stops at a luggage shop to pick up a trunk for us to put our meager belongings in, but ends up buying three, one for each of us. During the whole journey home, I can't stop looking at Zuko.
How do I talk him down from this? Can I talk him down from this? Does he remember what he said the other night, that he was ready to let the past go?
I want to shake him. I want to show him the future, the one where we're happy and together and oblivious in this walled city. Where Aang isn't here. Where Prince Zuko is a distant memory, and there's no war, and there's no scars, and there's no fear of family.
But I cannot. My mouth is glued shut as we go back to the apartment. I have to tell Iroh. He has to know.
It turns out that I don't have to. Zuko does it for me. Iroh and I are busy packing our own things, me preoccupied with Zuko's choices, Iroh preoccupied with thoughts of his own shop, Zuko preoccupied, once again, with Aang.
This is one of the few times that we are in the apartment with the sun shining through the windows. The noises of the other tenants ring through the complex. It is familiar, and I feel comfortable, safe. However, I'm excited to move to the Upper Ring. I wonder, can I make a difference for the people down here while in the Upper Ring? Bring them a sense of brightness in the mud that fills the Lower Ring?
Iroh fills the silence of me bringing the clothes from the bedroom and giving them to him in the living room to use as cushioning and Zuko pacing around the apartment. "So, I was thinking about names for my new tea shop. How about the Jasmine Dragon? It's dramatic, poetic, has a nice ring to it," Iroh says, wrapping up a tea set in an undershirt.
Zuko reaches into his shirt, pulling out the flier of Aang. "The Avatar is here in Ba Sing Se and he's lost his bison."
Iroh takes the offered flier, examining it briefly. He does not look shocked to know that Aang is here, in Ba Sing Se. Has he known all along and kept it from me? Well, we did see Appa flying over the ferry on our way over to Ba Sing Se. I just never put two and two together to get Aang here, long term, in Ba Sing Se. If I am filled with distaste on the disparity between the Rings, I wonder how Aang feels, living in the Upper Ring.
"We have a chance for a new life here," Iroh says. Zuko moves to look out the window at the rest of the apartment complex. "If you start stirring up trouble, we could lose all the good things that are happening for us."
Aggressively, Zuko turns around. "Good things that are happening for you! Have you ever thought that I want more from life than a nice apartment and a job serving tea?"
"Last night, you said you were ready to make a life here, with us," I say, holding a bright green cloth and shaking it at Zuko. "Was that just a lie?"
"There is nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity. I suggest you think about what it is that you want from your life, and why," Iroh says.
"I want my destiny," Zuko says, turning back to look out the window. Was that always what Zuko wanted? Was he just filling the void of his honor, his destiny, with false hopes and dreams of a life here? Was anything Zuko wanted from me real?
"What that means is up to you." Iroh goes back to wrapping up the tea cup. Zuko walks away from the window. "The Tea Weevil! No, that's stupid."
I go back into the bedroom, closing the sliding door behind me. I haven't packed anything. My truck sits empty near all the art supplies I have hoarded over the past few weeks. I feel lost, jostled, betrayed in a way. I finger the bristles of a thicker brush, trying to calm myself.
Zuko has proven time and again that it is always right for me to hesitate when it comes to him. If I go headfirst into anything involving Zuko, I end up wronged. Granted, even if I wait, I end up wronged anyway. Should I just . . . abandon Zuko and any hope of anything beyond hurt feelings and longing?
No, I don't want to leave. I don't want to get hurt, either. I just want to be . . . something other than this. A complicated afterthought during Zuko's date. A lost Pai Sho tile, but not too important to the overall strategy of the game.
I pack my painting supplies in silence, and the sun starts to set, and we eat dinner in silence. At one point, Zuko leaves without saying anything, a bundle of clothes under his arm. Iroh looks at me and gestures to my bo. "We're going after him. You better take your bo with you. Ba Sing Se at night can get rough."
He stands, stretches, and we leave, locking the door behind us. Into the night, we follow Zuko, who Iroh seems to know pretty well. Surprisingly for Iroh's size, he is silent, practiced, moving in the night much like Zuko is. Well, not the scaling of the roofs thing, which Zuko does with practiced ease in the moonlit night.
From the dark shadows, we watch as Zuko, dressed as the Blue Spirit again, attacks a Dai Li agent. Iroh informs me about what they are, in hushed tones. "They're the people that took Jet away," I whisper, watching as Zuko puts his swords to the throat of one.
Iroh nods. "They are the main driving force of people disappearing in Ba Sing Se. They're supposed to keep the peace, but they are the monsters in the night. Hidden." We watch in thick silence as Zuko follows the Dai Li agent down the alley, his swords ready to strike if the agent steps out of line. As the night continues to grow, we follow Zuko and the Dai Li agent, heading toward the Agrarian Zone.