I sometimes struggle, straddling the line between writing the angst the show has given us and finally allowing them to talk. I think this accomplishes giving us a little of both but I've tried to give us more hope for their future. And I absolutely love writing them as "they're married but they don't know yet," which brings a real lighthearted element to some of the darker conversations they have here. A line from the song that goes with this chapter inspired the overall emotional arc for this part of the story.

Well, it's hard to find a star

In all this godforsaken dark

So I'll believe in you

Sure, the days are colder and the nights are long

But don't you worry, I don't think the magic's gone

It's their first Christmas in so long and I just want them to heal and enjoy it a little bit together... And maybe also discover that they're in love.

I don't own these characters or TWD

Vibes for this chapter were inspired by "December '04" by The Oh Hello's

Please enjoy!

December '04

Just as they hoisted the tree into the truck bed, the low-hanging clouds had settled in, bringing with them the beginnings of lightly falling snow. It was equal parts magic and equal parts concern for their drive home, but she stuck her tongue out nonetheless and captured a few flakes with utter joy. She glanced up to see him watching her, mouth agape, with flushed cheeks. "Try it!" She beamed at him.

He swallowed nervously and shook his head no, "Gotta get back before the storm comes in worse," he said, pulling his hat down harder over his ears. Then he got in the truck.

As the truck rumbled back to the cottage with their tree, the storm had kicked up a bit with the wind. Carol gasped suddenly, thinking of everything she'd left undone back at the cottage. Daryl hit the break in worry, and the truck slid a little, "What? You see something?" He startled and slowed the truck by a few miles.

"No." she sighed, "You'll think it's stupid."

"Prolly." He chortled as he pressed on the gas again and picked up a little more speed.

She huffed and crossed her arms, annoyed, "I just remembered someone let me sleep all day, and I didn't have time to do any of my chores."

He laughed at her, "You think I just done nothing while you slept?"

She looked at him confused, "Well... not exactly."

"Don't you go worryin'. Damn, near died earlier, and you're worried about chores," Daryl snorted.

"You know," she began solemnly, "Those chores kept me alive." She stared ahead. "Routine kept me busy; kept me going every day until you found me."

"I get that," he reached across the bench and took her hand in his. "Don't have to be so rigid now. Can help each other."

She nodded as he turned back down the driveway marked by the crooked mailbox.

While he refused to let her look inside the tubs, he at least let her help him carry the tree inside without complaint. He was right; he had done all of her chores for the day, and as she removed her layers, he took a moment to restock the wood stove and start a new fire. A chill ran up her back as she waited for the space to warm. "See ya shivering again."

"S'what blankets are for," she said, pulling one around her shoulders. She watched as Daryl shoved another log into the stove. "Won't be long until it warms up again."

He nodded to the tree, "I'll get her set up now." She beamed with adoration.

She threw off the blanket and decided to make herself useful in the kitchen, "I'll put some coffee on.

"Ain't gotta," he assured her.

"But I want to. Plus, moving around'll help warm me up," Carol rubbed her hands together excitedly.

He nodded, watching Carol flutter around the kitchen, pulling out two mugs and trying to find the kettle.

"Hey! Have you seen the kettle?" she asked from the doorway.

He turned from his spot by the door, wrestling with the evergreen. "Um..." he nodded to the stove.

She frowned, "Oh."

"Already did it." he smiled and lifted the tree again, "you gotta spot you want this?"

She smiled, looking around the room and stopping when she eyed a spot. "That should do." she motioned to the bay window between the two wingback chairs.

After only a little bit of grunting and complaining that she wasn't holding the tree straight enough, they sat back on the couch together. They stared up at their one small token of the old world, standing proudly upright in the amber glow of the fire. A shiver of pleasure ran up her spine as she sank into Daryl's side and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Looks kinda sad." he chuckled.

"No!" she laughed, entwining her left arm through his right.

"No lights. Should have lights" he sighed. "Star or something on the top too."

"Hey," she tugged on his arm to get his attention. He turned to look at her, and she gave him her brightest smile. "It's enough." He smiled shyly in return, and she felt his body relax against her. "You're enough."

He turned away nervously and started to pull away from her touch, "You deserve more than enough," he leaned forward, his head in his hands and voice laced with shame. "Just a dumb redneck asshole. No better'en Merle or any of them other assholes out there tryin' to survive this shit."

She sat up next to him and reached for his arm again. She pulled him back towards her but didn't force complete contact. "Look at me, Daryl." She turned to face him directly and grasped his hand affectionately. "Couldn't be a bigger difference between you and all of them."

He chewed on the inside of his lip. He let go of Carol's hand and stood. "I need to go check the perimeter, check the snares, make sure we have food." She watched as he put his coat and boots back on in haste.

"Why don't I come with you?" she asked, standing and beginning to put on her layers.

"Nah." He put a hand on her arm as she reached for her coat. "You stay here-stay warm."

"What about doing this together?" she questioned.

He shook his head, "It won't take but a few minutes. No need for ya freeze ya ass off for a quick check."

"Daryl," her tone was insistent as she stepped toward the door.

"Just-I'll be fine. Stay here." He put a hand up and gave her a stern glare. She relented and watched him from the window as he traipsed around the property. Pretty soon, she saw him coming back to the door with a few rabbits over his shoulder. He entered with a gust of wind and snow following him. He shook out his hair and dusted his shoulders off. "Did a good job setting those snares." he complimented her on them again.

She was in the kitchen pretending to start dinner. "Like I said before, you taught me."

He nodded and set their meal in the sink. "Give me a few minutes, and I'll take it back out to clean 'em quick."

"I'll just clean it here."

"We don't have any running water-"

"It's fine. Brought in plenty of water from the pump just now," Carol smiled, trying to ease away whatever tension had arisen between them in the last half hour.

"Told you to keep warm." he gruffed at her.

"And I did," she assured him with a sideways glance. Relax." He took a deep breath and removed his poncho and coat. After a beat, she asked, "Are you okay?"

He shrugged, busying himself with loading the wood stove with a few more logs. He stood back and watched it for a minute, hands in his pockets. Finally, he rolled his shoulders back and took a seat at the kitchen table to watch her closely. After a few minutes of silence, he said, "I know I was teasin' ya hard today."

"S'okay by me." she shrugged, "know it's all in good fun. Feels-feels nice- almost normal," She nodded as she stripped the skin from the rabbit in her hands.

"When-" she heard the emotion get caught in his throat as he stifled his anxiety about her. "Earlier..." he trailed off.

She turned toward him with a look of complete understanding, "I know."

"Been too many close calls." he stared at her with concern.

"Some you don't even know about," she admitted as she cut into the stomach of the small rabbit.

He rubbed his eyes, "Know I found ya just feels like I'm gonna lose ya any damn minute now."

She nodded and went back to removing the rabbit's innards and plopped them into the sink. She heard Daryl sniffle and turned to give him a reassuring look, "I'm still here."

"Yeah," his voice warbled sadly, "But ain't no one else."

She distracted herself by lifting the skinned meat onto the counter butcher block. She crossed the kitchen to the pantry and rustled around for a few canned items, trying not to dwell too hard on the feelings suddenly rising to the surface, "Could try to roast them over the wood stove."

He didn't say anything in reply. Carol felt him watching her every move. She paused and leaned against the countertop, the can opener trembling in her hands. "It's kind of crazy to think about..." she steadied herself and began to open the three cans in front of her. It's just you and me at the end of the world. Almost like I don't deserve it," she admitted sadly.

"Yeah." he breathed, "Feel it too."

Her heart constricted, thinking of the burdens he carried alone with him for so long. As heavy a weight of guilt as her own. The years before stacked against them both. She shook her head gently, finally ready to open up to him just a little, "This guilt has followed me since I left. Probably even since Sophia died." She started cutting the rabbit into smaller pieces and throwing it into a larger pot for stew. "Hershel told me once that the best way to honor the ones we lost is to try. Some days, the trying is harder," she nodded. "Today, when I thought you'd gone? It would've been the easiest thing to just give up. And if I'm being honest, for a second, laying there, I did." Her gaze drifted, unfocused, "Thought I'd dreamed you up." she looked ahead blankly, "I thought everything had gone wrong again." She heard the scrape of a chair across the floor and felt the heat of his body at her side.

He slowly reached out to touch the hand holding the cleaver. "Your girl," he nodded with a kind gaze, "She would want you to keep trying." Daryl swallowed nervously as Carol turned to look into his eyes. "I want you to keep trying. And—" She blushed and nodded slowly. He chewed nervously on the edge of his thumbnail, "I wanna keep trying for you."

"Rick and the others? They're out there somewhere," she tried to reassure him, returning the favor of hope he'd given her all those years ago when he'd gone out looking for Sophia. He sniffed and tried to hold back his tears. She felt the ache of loss with him. "It's okay if you aren't ready to tell me," she smiled sadly at him.

He nodded, staring down at his feet. "Might not ever be." He looked back up into her eyes. " I just don't wanna be stuck livin', hoping for something that ain't true."

She paused her task and reached her hand up to cup his jaw, "Once upon a time, when I was feeling the same, you told me a story."

"Remember." his voice grew quiet.

She leaned up and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek as she took in his pain as her own: " We can't lose hope, and we can't stop living either."

He nodded, "Ya know, at first- was real angry at ya leavin'."

"Daryl-" the urge to apologize grew strong.

"S'okay, know we put it all to bed last night. S'just- it ain' that you-" he nibbled the cuticle on his thumb for a moment, looking for the words, "I'm glad now you did leave. Ain't nothin' left back there. Feel like if you'd died that woulda- you know how I was like after Beth?" She watched him swallow nervously.

She nodded, concern and sadness for him flooding her senses.

"I wouldn't survive losin' you," his voice cracked. He wrapped his arms around Carol as his body trembled with grief. She held him steady as his voice warbled, "I can't lose you again." And at that, her heart soared at the prospect of a future with him.

He pulled away from her, wiping a few tears from his face before he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. He sniffed, and she raised her hand to caress the hair away from his eyes. Her fingers traced along the side of his face, memorizing him. She closed her eyes with a sigh. A tear slipped down her cheek. "You and me," She began and opened her eyes to look deeply into his. Blue meeting blue. "We have a future," she stated plainly.

"We have a future," he confirmed.

After their intense conversation, she'd decided to find something to distract them until dinner was ready. On a hunch, she'd taken Daryl to one of the rooms in the back. They had been successful in finding a few craft supplies in another closet in a room she'd assumed had been dedicated to an office or homeschooling. The sound of laughter filled the kitchen later while the stew simmered, and they sat together, a pile of craft supplies between them. "How the fuck-" he huffed in frustration as he unfolded a piece of construction paper and groaned as it fell apart instead of taking the shape of a snowflake.

She giggled and held up her own perfect flake for him to see, "Like this?"

"I ain't used to all this crafting shit," he grumbled.

She handed him some red and green construction paper, "Here, cut this into strips. We can make a Christmas chain to drape over the tree, like a garland."

"A what?" He looked at her as if she'd grown two heads.

"C'mon, you never made one growing up?"

"Cain't really recall a lot of that," he glowered at her.

"Okay, fair enough, well, here. " She grabbed the red and green paper and cut it into a few strips. His gaze followed her hands in concentration as she began to glue the strips together, slowly linking them, alternating the red and green. She held up a strand of just three. "Like this." she smiled.

He held out his hand, "Gimme the glue," he huffed, "You keep workin' on them snowflakes since yer so good at 'em."

She sat back in her chair and watched him concentrate as he continued the work she'd begun. She lifted her long-forgotten cup of coffee to her lips and took a sip. The bitter cold liquid hit her tongue. Her face soured. "Ugh, how did you drink this earlier?"

"What?" He looked up at her in question.

"This coffee is terrible, Daryl!"

"You filled your cup hours ago; prolly just too cold." He brushed her off as he put a drop of glue on a strip of paper.

"That and it's been on the stove for the last eight hours." she frowned and took another sip.

"It ain't that bad!" He sipped his own and tried to keep a straight face as the acidity hit his taste buds. He coughed, "Never said ya had to drink it." He set his mug to the far edge of the table. She just sat and stared at him incredulously. He sighed, "Fine, it's awful."

She giggled, grabbed both of their mugs from the table, and tossed the liquid in the sink. "Maybe we can heat up some coco later while we decorate the tree." She sat back at the table, reached for a white paper sheet, and began folding it into a small triangle.

"We ain't got hot cocoa." He looked at her blankly trying his best to keep a straight face.

She quirked an eyebrow at him as she cut a curved line across the pointed edge of her triangle. "Daryl," she said pointedly.

He looked down at his hands and busied them with the glue and paper, trying to deflect, "Unless you've been hiding some." She smiled as she watched him blush.

"What about all the food you brought back today?" she looked at him curiously.

"Weren't as much as I thought."

"You filled up two tubs. You said the pantry was fully stocked," Carol reminded him as she began to cut cute little notches into the sides of her folded triangle.

He shook his head obstinately, "Nah, not as much as I thought."

"You're a terrible liar." she rolled her eyes at him.

He cocked his head at her, "You just make them damn snowflakes, and I'll worry about the rest.

"You're making absolutely no sense." she cackled.

He blushed, and she noticed a little twinkle of pleasure in his eyes—something he was keeping just for himself. And in the spirit of Christmas, she'd let him enjoy whatever plans he had up his sleeves. She snuck a glance at him, and their eyes met unexpectedly. Her eyes sparkled with love for him, and his eyes seemed to gleam back the same for her. But nothing was said.

...Not yet.